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#yet simultaneously i have a raging inferiority complex
dreamwinged · 3 months
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sometimes honestly if you're feeling invalid/anxious/any sort of negative feeling about your selfship , you just have to go back to canon. and i know it seems like such an easy answer but you really do have to. it is always SO comforting to me when i'm feeling bad about things to just see my f/os normally, without any fan interpretation or characterization or opportunities for jealousy involved; to remember why i fell in love with them and that no one can take that specific experience away from me. that other people's thoughts on the character don't matter because at the end of the day, none of it has any bearing on canon and no one can "know" a character any better than anyone else. it really really does work and i wish id realized it sooner
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veliseraptor · 3 years
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Top five cnovel characters?
oh my god, well. okay. let’s see how this goes here, though I feel like I can’t parse out my novel character feelings for MDZS from my drama character feelings from CQL so like. I guess I just won’t try? or I could rule those out entirely which would also make things easier because I could occupy this list probably solely with MDZS/CQL characters.
but when do I ever make things easy for myself!
these are also thus far solely MXTX because I have yet to finish a full non-MXTX novel alas, though I am in progress!!! on two.
1. Hua Cheng. I feel like I could say this for everyone on this list and just summarize my taste in many ways which is to say “he’s a mess and I love him.” I just...I think Hua Cheng is probably my favorite love interest of MXTX’s three novels? He’s just got a combination of so many of the things that draw me toward a character: he’s an emotional disaster, simultaneously extremely arrogant and proud and with dismal self-esteem, very powerful but generally speaking doesn’t bother to flex it, a snarky bitch who lives for drama. He is just...I really wish we got more of his POV, because I would love to know everything that goes on in his head. Particularly because of the glimpses we get of when his “I am in control of everything and sort of above all this bullshit” facade gets cracked.
Love more of that.
2. Xue Yang. Look I feel like I’ve probably spilled more digital ink about Xue Yang than there is on the page and I do not care. Xue Yang is perfect and he’s done nothing wrong. He deserves all of the candy and his bedtime is never.
More seriously...just. There’s so much packed into Xue Yang’s character that...like, he’s not immediately or prototypically #mine in some ways, actually? Jin Guangyao is more so, on paper. And yet this fellow...saw him, took him home with me. Again - he’s a mess! Jagged edges and teeth and hunger and rage and absolutely vicious. He’s not nice and he’s not good and it is so easy to see what made him that way - how he broke and why he healed into the shape he did.
And just! The whole could’ve-been that is his development in Yi City and his relationship with Xiao Xingchen, the ways it taps into the themes that gut me about choice and chance and change, and whether people can be better than their worst selves, and why they so often aren’t...I’m crying about it. Constantly.
3. Jiang Cheng. When you come into a fandom for the main character and then end up latching on to secondary characters hardest....should’ve seen this coming, though, considering ‘younger sibling with inferiority complex issues’ is a pretty consistent thing of mine, and, again, Jiang Cheng is a mess and I love him. He’s not nice, he’s often outright mean, he doesn’t deal well with anything emotionally and his life is sort of a cascade of neverending misery with which he copes remarkably poorly. I’m so here for it, and for everything about him, and everything about the way he relates to his family.
Jiang Cheng is a bitch and I love him so much.
4. Mu Qing. Again here comes a character hitting a whole bunch of my buttons simultaneously and very hard! He’s ambitious, proud, prickly, people tend to not like him and he tends to not like them right back. He’s intensely loyal and cares a lot about his people but doesn’t show it well or almost ever. He’s ruthlessly pragmatic in ways that often look morally questionable. He’s lonely and determined to act as though he is no such thing.
Why wouldn’t I love him?
5. Xie Lian. Look at me! I can have a protagonist on this list! just one! Xie Lian is such a fascinating character to me because he’s not, like, Lise-bait in the way that some of these other characters are but he’s so important to me. I think because of the ways in which he’s very...ugh, I hate the “gentleness from trauma” in some ways but it works for me with Xie Lian because it’s not that he’s nice because he was traumatized, it’s that he tries to be kind/compassionate because he knows how horrible he can be if he’s not careful, if he loses control of himself. He knows what his worst self can look like, and he knows what his worst self cost, and he’s so scared of it happening again.
And just the ways he is also...he’s this beautiful mixture of hilarious and really really sad. And I think part of what gets me about him is the way that...he plays this role where he’s almost a fool, but it’s this very thin cover over very deep wells of feeling and also strength.
I’m not even totally sure why Xie Lian hits me so hard, but I know that he does.
this also feels like I’m betraying so many characters, though! I can think of so many more who I’m like “oh but you should make this list too D:” and if I let myself I’d keep arguing about it for a long time. I’ll just settled for making a list of
honorable mentions: Jin Ling, Wei Wuxian, Shi Qingxuan, Jin Guangyao, He Xuan, Xiao Xingchen, Shen Jiu, Yin Yu, Lan Xichen, I am absolutely certain I’m forgetting others also
projected future additions already well on their way: Mo Ran
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I have a friend who likes danzo and I am questioning our friendship
Eh to be fair, disgusting asshole as he might have been in the present timeline, looking back he's actually a pretty interesting character? Like, from the little we've actually SEEN about his past:
loyal to his village but young enough that he's not quite ready to sacrifice himself for it yet
inferiority complex when it comes to Hiruzen (who he probably believes sees him as inferior, thus creating a rage inside of him that both comes from the prementioned inferiority complex while simultaneously feeding it)
probably wanted to suck both his team mate's dicks at one point
lives under the devise of 'protect the village from the shadows' which, interestingly enough, is the same one that Shisui lived by, which makes me wonder if Danzō actually got it from Kagami
truly believed that what he was doing was the right thing and that he WAS doing it all for the sake of the village, which makes me wonder if he started to believe in "I (personally and no one else) have to protect the village" instead of "The village needs to be protected (in general)" which is a mindest you can very easily get lost in, when you're in a powerful position
died a martyr which is always interesting
and let's be real, as much as I love Tobirama, he definitely influenced Danzō with his rather, ah, obstinate opinions concerning the Uchihas
So yeah, all in all? Actually a pretty interesting character, and while it feels more personal with him because a lot of us really like Sasuke/Itachi/Shisui/the Uchihas and we also don't feel very connected with him since he didn't get a Tragic Backstory™, it's not like he killed more people or did more unspeakable things than like, Obito or Madara or the Akatsuki, y'know, and all of them used 'peace' as their shoddy excuse. They're just hotter than Danzō.
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scarletgardensrpg · 4 years
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UNDEAD ♦ THIRTY-SEVEN ♦ ASCENDANCY
CECILE BUCHANAN is the Resurrector of the Ascendancy and second-in-command to De Dominee. Killed and resurrected by Nikolaas in the Red Room, Cecile is the first recorded Undead to walk the Earth. The circumstances of her death and revival are peculiar and scientifically unreplicable thus far—the product of extensive experimentation prior to her exposure to the 197th iteration of PM-GRNT, her body reacted to the chemical abnormally by simultaneously killing, then reviving her as a semi-conscious rotbeest following consumption of Nikolaas' blood. This genetic anonmaly, wherein she never developed a true rotbeest state, enables her to survive without PM-GRNT 197. She and her brother, Evander, are responsible for the initial Scarlet Death.
BIOGRAPHY
tw: gore, implied animal cruelty
At fifteen, she was already vicious. The dog's fucking dead, what am I supposed to do about it? Revive it? She was still in her Sunday clothes: Valentino kitten heels and a jumpsuit the color of wet ink. Six rubies and a rosario dangled from her ears. By the quiet, seething look in Julian's eyes, she knew it was taking everything in his power not to rip them out. They stood opposite of one another in the foyer, six unbreachable feet between sister and brother. Mr. and Mrs. Buchanan were God knows where. Evander was drinking on the beach. And the Dobermann was dead. Don't be a baby, Jules, Cecile said, and turned to go, pleasure heavy in her gut. You have others. She'd do anything to hurt Julian, if it meant that pretty expression would bloom on his face: wrath, spreading like blood in water.
- ❀ -
It came down to three things: she was a bastard, she was a girl, and she was second-born. Senator Buchanan made his preferences clear, and that preference burned through every designer dress, every blank check, every Maserati and summer house in the Hamptons. What good was it to look good, live well, when every nice thing felt like an IOU to Julian? Why pander to her older half-brother when he already looked at her with cold, patronizing eyes, as if she were a particularly troublesome dog to keep on a tight leash? Maybe Evander could live like that, hanging onto his every word and lolling after him mindlessly—but Cecile could not swallow the indignity of it. Her girlhood was one turbulence after another: the burn of her cheek where her stepmother struck it, the noxious silence of every family dinner, the freezing bath tile against her knees when she would bite down on her knuckle to keep from screaming. She would grow into a cruel, mean girl. A bitch. She would prowl boarding school halls at midnight with predatory calm, one hand gripping a bucket of gasoline; the other a lighter and match. You're making it worse for yourself, Evander said, after the third expulsion. Is getting kicked out for arson your grand strategy for earning Papa's approval? But by then, she was just angry. She was just trying to kick hard before going under. Fuck Papa's approval, Cecile said, and rolled herself another joint.
Eventually, Papa ran out of ideas. He met with doctors, businessmen, then a scientist and lawyer, both young. Harvard brats, Cecile learned, one ear pressed to the mahogany door of her father's study, who were working on something that was sure to intrigue you, sir, and certainly Julian. Because, of course, Julian had a place in this room of important silhouettes; he'd soon become one himself. Cecile's twenty-first birthday present was a swig of vodka and a biochemical test subject consent form. Evander had looked so terrible, signing his own set of paperwork while Julian simply watched them from the other side of the desk, Papa's hand on his shoulder. See? Cecile leaned over in her seat to poke Evander in the cheek with a single manicured nail. We're the same in this family's eyes. Disposable vermin. Terrible, harsh silence. She was looking at Julian, and found all of it unspeakably funny. Twenty-one years of Cecile's best efforts at nightmarish behavior—and here he was, winning in a landslide. Even she couldn't have dreamed up something so cruel. She was drunk on rage. She was dizzy with fury. And yet, when she addressed him, her voice was soft as a lily. You know, Jules, I really should've killed the other two dogs.
Later, they would call her helpless. A young, naive woman, dragged kicking and screaming into the Red Room, terrified for her life. As if Cecile has not spent every waking moment raising hell and terrorizing others. They would forgive all her sins, it seemed, so as to make room for the greater one: for what was a wealthy Senator's troubled, bastard daughter to two people in pursuit of divinity? One was inappropriate; another was utterly sacrilegious. Cecile supposed it was the easier narrative to tell; Eve, tricked by the devil to bite the fruit, could still claim some morsel of innocence at the trial of God. But, of course, the truth was, Cecile had never once been interested in innocence. She would always go after what she wanted with teeth and nails. She would always worship herself before all others. Nothing frightened her anymore. Whatever elixir they were perfecting for Julian, she would taste it first. Chemicals, poisons, pain—all of it was but a symptom of eventual power. And, ah, in her did power rise. Whatever she had become under Nikolaas' guileful hand, it was heady and powerful and utterly inimitable. Half-beast and half-woman, waist-deep in death: was Cecile not single-handedly responsible for ending a world? Did she not raise rotbeest after rotbeest, and let the ones she adored most feast upon her own flesh until they were returned to consciousness? Later, they would call her helpless—and perhaps, in comparison, the spiteful little girl of her past was helpless. But not anymore. Divinity lived within her now. She had swallowed God whole.
CONNECTIONS
NIKOLAAS – LOVE DESTROYED, TOO. Is she in love? Not with him. With his jungle garden of a mind? Maybe. Maybe it's psychological delusion, wired into her for survival's sake in the Red Room. Maybe it's a product of dying and living again by his hand, of having known what his blood tasted like in her mouth. Maybe it is simply true, unadulterated friendship, forged on strange foundations. I'm your one and only? She teases him, and licks the rim of her champagne flute. He is, whether aware of it or not, afraid of her. Or, more accurately: afraid of what he is capable of creating. After all, she has him to thank for a number of things—her untempered darkness, her gift for passing that same darkness to whomever she pleases with a single bite, her freedom from a past life that would have chained her to Julian. But, in spite of the wondrous creature he has forged from blood and science, Nikolaas refuses to spawn another like her; perhaps because he can't stomach the flesh it requires, or perhaps because he sees what she is capable of. Cecile doesn't mind—she's rather possessive of him, and dislikes the idea of sharing. She has followed him to Amsterdam, as she is sure she would follow him anywhere—to hell, to the ends of the earth, to heaven with a torch. They've made something beautiful since then: an ascending legion of the restless Undead, fed on a new drug that will carry them to dizzying heights. Cecile plans to rule someday with Nikolaas by her side. I'm your one and only, she says again, and this time, it's not a question.  
BLUE, DIMITRI, & JACQUES – BLOOD HOUNDS. They carry within each of them a vicious appetite for disaster—her appetite, dark and divine enough to swallow a city whole. They are perfectly cruel, unrivaled in beauty, unmatched in prowess—and of the hundreds of Undead who call her Mother, Blue, Dimitri, and Jacques remain her undisputed favorites, all raised on her blood. They are the three she looks upon with cold pride and infinite expectation; the standard by which all her other creations are measured. Do they share Blue's labyrinthine mind, her measured capacity for torment? Can they wear violence with grace and allure, as Dimitri does? Does Jacques' bizarre madness gleam in their eyes? The collective name Cecile gives them is fitting: for they are her dogs, her beasts, her children. She commands: Kill for me. Die for me. Live for me. And like good pets, they always oblige. She does not need their love, and shows them very little of her own—but still she demands their loyalty, their fear-tinged worship, and a promise to accompany her to the ends of the world. As their Resurrector, this is an eternal debt they owe to her. 
JULIAN & EVANDER – BLOOD IS BLOOD. The funny thing is, Cecile loves them. She loves them as all families are condemned to love one another, from birth to death to beyond that, too. One simply cannot discard of convenants made in blood—as much as she wishes she could. Julian, princely and immaculate, has always inspired murderous pursuits within Cecile: some ugly roiling mix of jealousy and resentment for her older half-brother that has seized her since girlhood. He has never taken her seriously. Instead, he insists on taking care of her, on filing away her teeth so she will stop biting his hand; not understanding Cecile can never be the sort of girl to accept condescension for benevolence. Now, stronger and standing on a level playing field with him at last, she finds herself continuing to provoke him, even word from her mouth a harsh lashing she hopes will make him flinch. If she is yearning unconsciously for the nod of respect she never once received while alive, Cecile will never say it out loud.
As for the youngest Buchanan, Cecile regards her little half-brother with less hostility—but contempt nonetheless. Brilliant, handsome Evander, who could aspire to great heights, if he didn't have such an inferiority complex when it came to Julian. She had hoped to make him into someone worthier when she killed him—but if he'd rather sulk uselessly in the cementary, fine. The fact that her brothers get along with one another just fine, even now, is a source of confused frustration for Cecile—and if she must be honest, once an injury to her feelings as well. They have always seemed to get along better with one another than with her—and being the bastard daughter, Cecile used to find it hard not to feel bothered. Of course, many years have passed since then. In death, Cecile is calm and calculative, unfazed and secure in her own power. She harbors some resentment against Julian for his complicity in selling her and Evander to the Red Room—but the satisfaction in having come on top regardless outweighs it. The matter of her killing Evander is also...well. Her baby brother was not appreciative of that gesture, possibly. All in all, she wouldn't say she's on good terms with either one of her siblings—but alas, blood is blood. For all their complicated histories and intertwined grievances, Cecile suspects they will always be apart of each other, for better or—more likely—for worse.  
OPEN ♦ FC: OLIVIA MUNN
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magical-gull · 7 years
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Do you see the shittenou as opposites of the senshi, or more like counterparts?
I’m usually wobbly on villain counterparts being too on-the-nose similar to heroes but with the shittenou, who KIND of legitimately have similar jobs, I can manage.  I think counterparts can work well, but usually along different lines.
Kunzite for me has shades of what I think Minako/Venus *could* be like if she still had to do all the things she does but for a mostly ungrateful, very Un-Usagi ruler. Still does the job expected of them, does it damn well, seemingly revels in the perks (relatively speaking) but there’s a resentment of the position boiling over pretty much any time it’s brought up. So a What-If kinda character.
Zoicite is similar to Ami but reversed, a playful capricious person who isn’t assumed to have an intelligent calculating side, and enough raw power or anger and resents that assumption. From there it’s a short jump to the typical catty superiority complex most Ami-coded villains have; I’d even say Ami’s “official” counterparts tend to be the most similar to her of all the girls. So a Reverse-Counterpart kinda character.
Nephlite actually fits the status of Makoto’s counterpart well, especially if you think of ToeiNeph as who Nephlite tries to *be* and  PGSM-Nephilite (decidedly more growly and prone to anger) is what he actually *is*. Someone trying to hide a wealth of easily stoked raged behind a facade of gender-specific classiness and finery, except it’s a gentleman vs Makoto’s girliness. Neph goes in for more ‘delicate’ things like astrology and tends to frame situations as ‘fate’ and ‘destiny’, removing his own strong feelings from the equation and trying to seem wise and learned. In some ways I’d say they’re the most fundamentally similar even if they go down different roads to do it. Probably rhe most striahgtforward vanilla counterpart.
Jedite is tougher to parse, but I’m reminded of that infamous monolog Rei has in the comic about how tempting it’d be to have a man hanging off your every word and totally dedicated to you, etc. I think Jedite is simultaneously and *example* of that kind of man and proof of why it’s a bad idea in reality.  You get someone very prone to resentment and feeling unappreciated, someone who pursues things purely to please a partner or attract girls (something Rei specifically sites as pathetic) although this bending is all a ruse. So Jedite tries to get good at things for perhaps petty motives, and tends to assert what little authority he has over things to feel good about himself. Jed’s relationship with Beryl in PGSM is one of my favorites because it’s so interesting, and I think its one where he’s settled into a very fucked-up yet amenable relationship. Beryl’s enamored enough with his fawning to tolerate a lot of nonsense, and Jed ironically never has to resent feeling inferior because of course that’s true, it’s his boss. It’s not a reflection of HIM. Essentially, Jedite is what you get FROM a Rei counterpart, one lacking all the restraint and positive qualities.
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