there’s a man, the one I threw all caution out the window for. The one who I might even dare I saw a forever with, I envisioned us both running out of the city and him chasing our baby cows while I yelled at him to run faster through the kitchen window. I envisioned him cooking us dinner and letting it burn as he fucked me on the the counter and I envisioned us sipping coffee on our wrap around porch watching the sunrise and wine as the sunset. I fell for the idea of him not the reality and even though I explicitly shared how close I’ve gotten to the fire and burned he still whispered sweet nothings into my ear while really they were nothing nothing’s to him. So I mourn the girl I was before I fell for that potential and before I invested my time, moving from one long term relationship to this weird road of almost going down a situationship with him shook me to my core and even though I last saw him in 2023 the idea of him is still shaking me to my core in 2024. I just want peace he said but so do I, how do I recover, evolve, and move forward when I unexpectedly saw him…THAT as a part of my fire?
"Close your eyes and imagine the best version of you possible. That’s who you really are, let go of any part of you that doesn’t believe it." - Unknown
“you’ll find love when you stop looking for it in the most unexpected places. you need to stop looking for love and let it look for you instead. believe me as soon as you give up, you’ll find it on a metro ride, 500ml of alcohol down, at 4 pm on a cold thursday where you least expect to find it.”
“1. Hello. 2. I miss you. 3. Can we talk? 4. I hope I’m not annoying you. 5. I want to see you. 6. Please tell me you’re doing fine. 7. I’m worried about you. 8. Let’s listen to our favorite song. 9. Do not let other people bring you down. 10. I hope you’re truly happy. 11. I love you. I really do. We started from 1 and I felt 11. Sometimes we do 8 with comforting silence. You used to remind me about 9. And I will always be grateful about everything we’ve had. Wherever you are, and whoever you’re with, please always remember 2, and 10.”
— ma.c.a // 4 but 7,3,5 and 6 : An Indirect Message From Me
“‘are you happy?’ is such a difficult question. i always say yes, because i have friends, i laugh at jokes, i go out a lot and have fun. my life isn’t as bad as it could be, and i dont have terrible problems. it could be worse. but then, one night at 3am when im alone still awake, lying in bed, thinking about life, i find myself crying my heart out suddenly, i’m convinced that nobody likes me, or nobody will ever like me. i feel horrible and i question everything i had and i dont know if i was ever happy at all.”