thesilvrlining

[thesilvrlining]

2016 Reflection

Three words that sum up my year: adventure, growth, and love. 

2016 was filled with many highs and lows. I graduated from UCLA - received visits from my best friends and family, spent the entire night reminiscing and decorating our caps. I rented my second apartment and spent the summer in it too. I turned 22 - celebrated with cake and flowers from friends, going clubbing and kayaking, a KBBQ outing with cousins, and a sushi dinner with a dear friend. I made it onto the Dean’s Honor’s List. I went on my first spring break road trip with the greatest friends - Monterey, San Francisco, and Yosemite for the first time and fell in love with it. I went to San Diego for the first time - Balboa Park, Coronado Beach, and Cuyamaca Peak (the greatest friends planned the entire trip). I attended my cousin’s wedding, and it was absolutely lovely. Spent fourth of July with the entire family in Minnesota. I started driving again. Went to the Monterey Bay Aquarium with my dad and little sister after so many years. I took part in Foundations, Dance Marathon, Bubble Run, UCLA’s Undergraduate Research Week, SPCN, Undie Run.

I was actively involved in TEACH - learned the ins and outs of administrative work and helped kiddos be the best and healthiest they can be. I joined Best Buddies and met some of the most accepting and resilient people who refuse to let their disabilities and others’ opinions dictate their potential. I was blessed to be paired with a remarkable woman who has endured so much, yet always finds a reason to smile. I spent most of my summer working with UCLA’s FSP Program - I got to facilitate learning, mentor inspiring incoming college freshman, and feel like I made an impact in their college experience. I partook in research and learned the importance of communication both in the healthcare setting and in my own work. I spent time volunteering and learning and fell more in love with the idea of becoming an OT. I started working as a substitute teacher in my old school district - I got to experience education from the other side and what it feels like to really pour your heart into your work, and in the people you work with. I got more comfortable with being an authority figure and have continued making progress growing into that role. 

I flew out to Minnesota for grandma during winter quarter in February and then for grandma’s funeral in November (you are dearly missed). My apartment mates and I were almost evicted from our apartment because of my subletter, and one of my FSP students happened to be one of the other subletters who ended up moving out. Although these are the lows of my year, I’ve been able to take away important lessons from each of them - the impermanence of life, importance of good friends and family, and to listen to others when it comes to the small details, and to always take precaution when it comes to new people and serious matters. 

2016 taught me a lot. I spent the entire school year prepping myself for graduation and finally learned how to manage my time better so that I could make time for the things and people that mattered. I had so many adventures in LA. From spontaneous outings to lunch/dinner dates to actual dates, shows (EHLAE and Blue Oyster Cult), DineLA, museum days, the beach, kayaking, night time pier, morning and night time runs, boba runs, movie nights, apartment bonding nights, photo shoots, banquets, visits from friends, parties, clubbing, even study sessions became an adventure, hiking trips, yoga and gym sessions, cooking adventures.

Making room for this quality time helped me grow personally. I discovered new interests, met incredible people, made connections, and strengthened existing friendships. I learned to be more open with others and myself. As a result, I started accepting myself more, which led to me feeling more confident and comfortable in my own skin. This year, the people I’ve met and the experiences I’ve had (both good and bad) have all influenced my taste in the type of friends I want, as well as to my evolving outlook on love and relationships. 

As I enjoyed all these adventures, post-grad life was always on my mind. I prepared myself by reflecting on my goals and outlining the specifics. I sought help and advice from those wiser and more experienced than I am. I confided in those who were going through this process with me, making it seem less scary. I formed relationships with others aiming to go down the same path as me. I made connections with professionals who could help me. I put in effort to nourish these relationships, as they take time and effort too. I started reading about life skills that one should possess and practice - it’s the little things that can make a big difference and leave a lasting impression on others. I realized that as much as it helps to be professional and polished, it is also just as important to be yourself. Your authenticity is what makes you memorable, and a lot more fun :) 

2016 filled me with so much love, in so many different forms. I spent the year single, but I don’t say this with embarrassment or disdain. I had my fun, as well my not so glamorous moments - just as any hopeless romantic would, especially during the holidays - but at the end of the day, I know there is so much in store for me even if it’s not at this very moment. I also know that love doesn’t only exist in the one person that I decide to be with. It exists all around me in various forms - in my friends, my family, my community, and even in myself. 

I’ve met some of the best people in college. After graduating and moving home, I wasn’t really sure who I would actually still stay in contact with, and vice versa. It’s one thing to say we’ll still talk, but it’s another to actually do it. I’m thankful that my friendships have survived the time and distance post college. Perhaps distance makes the heart grow fonder. I can also say the same about my high school friends, whose friendships have lasted all throughout college. I feel loved and supported by them, and I hope that I make them feel the same way.

This year, I experienced the strength of family. We lost our glue, our stronghold, the woman who has left her legacy in each of us. Upon learning that my grandma had gotten sick and wanted to be with her children/grandchildren, my entire family dropped whatever we had going on and went to be with her in Minnesota. We stayed for a week. We took over the entire hospital lounge. The nurses said they’ve never seen so many people visit one patient before. My grandma seemed to be recovering from her pneumonia, but overall she had become weaker than before. My entire family sat down to discuss the following steps in terms of my grandma’s care. I remember lots of crying and emotions. We put my grandma on hospice care and she remained with us for nine months after. She was able to attend my cousin’s wedding. I remember the day we had to leave. I gave my grandma a hug, bid her farewell -  “Bye Ama!” - and gave her a kiss on the cheek - the same ritual I had always done whenever it was time to leave Minnesota. I then realized that this might be the last time I got to see her while she was still with us. I got scared and my heart broke, but I tried to keep hope alive. In November, I learned that she had passed away. That day was so empty. Everything felt strange. That night, I broke out in hives. I still don’t know why, but that’s the first time it’s ever happened to me. We flew out to Minnesota for my grandma’s funeral the following night. It was a tough time for us, but the love amongst all of us was strong. I like to think that my grandma lived a full life and got to feel the love our family has for her and for each other even during the moments when her health was deteriorating. I will never forget seeing my grandma for the last time, kissing her cold cheek one final time, and placing a rose down for her in honor of her life that has touched so many people. She gave and loved unconditionally, and that’s something she’s taught the rest of us. My family has given me the greatest love of all - it’s unconditional and everlasting.

2016 has been tragic on a personal, as well as a global scale. The world is suffering. The amount of shootings, bombings, natural disasters, racist acts, etc., has been happening at an alarming rate. The political landscape of our country is becoming more divided and poses a threat especially to minorities, women, and LGBT/Q communities. In the midst of all the chaos, communities have rallied together to make their voices heard and fight for change. I’ve seen and felt the love and support of the community. Times like these remind me of Martin Luther King Jr., Ghandi, Rosa Parks, and all these figures who have fought for social and political change despite all the powerful forces against them. Now, it’s up to us to make change happen. In her concession speech, Hillary Clinton said, “And to the young people in particular, I hope you will hear this. I have, as Tim said, spent my entire adult life fighting for what I believe in. I've had successes and I've had setbacks. Sometimes, really painful ones. Many of you are at the beginning of your professional public and political careers. You will have successes and setbacks, too.This loss hurts, but please never stop believing that fighting for what's right is worth it. It is -- it is worth it. And so we need -- we need you to keep up these fights now and for the rest of your lives.” (November 9, 2016). 2017 marks the beginning of Trump’s presidency in this already unstable world. I can only hope he doesn’t destroy us, but if he starts his demolition, I am ready to stand by those in my community to fight for what’s right. 

This year, I really embraced the concept of loving myself: self-love. I’m not perfect. Being called perfect is actually pretty frightening to me. I’m allowed to make mistakes, to have my days, to not have to please every single person. I’m allowed to say no. I started giving myself credit for being a good friend, a good daughter, a good student, etc. But I know that self-love does not mean ignorance. I was critical of myself when I was not these aforementioned things, not in an attempt to put myself down, but rather in an attempt to reflect and become a wiser, more mature version of myself. To me, self-love means accepting who I am in the moment, but adapting and evolving as I learn and experience more in order to be the best me I can possibly be. It also means having patience with myself to get there. I also started appreciating my body more -- aesthetically, physically, and biologically. My body is a temple ;) I only have this one life to live and this one body to experience it all with. It amazes me. We can do so much; we are capable of so much. We just need to believe it and start loving who we are. I’m still on a journey, but I think I’m going in the right direction.

2016 has been a roller coaster. It’s time for this ride to end and a new one to begin. Here’s to everything I got out of 2016, and here’s to what’s to come in 2017, like more subbing experience, taking the GRE, graduate school applications, acceptances (crossing my fingers), my first trip outside of the country with friends, more travels and adventures, more good food, and many, many more. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see ;) 

Let’s do this. 

#2016 #reflection #2017 #newyear

[thesilvrlining]

Well, I guess this is it. In two weeks, I am giving up the keys to my home in LA for good. I will no longer have a physical space to call home in this big, chaotic, and beautiful city of Angels. 

[thesilvrlining]

current thinking

Came across this yesterday. Still accurate ~

I haven’t written anything in a while. I used to write mainly about you– that was a long time ago. I used to write paragraphs about you and what you meant to me. It’s funny– I couldn’t do that this time around. I couldn’t express myself so completely; maybe I didn’t feel safe doing so, maybe I just didn’t click with you in that way, or maybe it was both.

This isn’t me saying that I’m still in love with you. I’m not in love with anyone. I do think, however, that I’m in love with the idea of there being someone who matches me at the perfect time. I’ve come to the conclusion that I am going to worry less about all of this relationship stuff and focus on myself.

I’m 20. My main priority and focus should be and is on myself. I need to work toward my career goals, my own personal growth, and enjoy this period in my life where I’m not tied down with a million responsibilities. I’m still able to explore (figuratively and literally) and change my mind without major drawbacks. I’ve come to realize that life has a funny and strange way of working out and having the perfect timing. It’s hard to explain, but I feel like I start to brace myself for whatever life event before it happens. I think handling life is all about the mindset you approach it with. It takes effort and rationalizing to build a strong mindset, especially when you get knocked down so many times. You can’t let being knocked down keep you on the ground. Strength isn’t measured by how long you’re able to keep standing, it’s measured by how far you fell and how much work you had to put in to get back up (as cliche as that sounds).

I’m working on my own self-improvement and being the best I can be. All the while, I’m hoping whoever I end up with is doing the same at this point in their lives. I’ll definitely be sure to make sure he’s been hustling hard.

After all of this, I definitely have a clearer idea of what I want out of a relationship and what I’m looking for in a person. I’ve also learned to take my time with these things. My heart hasn’t grown cold and I haven’t given up on love. I’m such a hopeless romantic, it’s ridiculous. I guess I’m just waiting for the right time and the person who makes all of this worth it. I wonder when, where, how I’ll meet you. I wonder where I’ll be three, six months…one, five years from now. Will I have met you, encountered you? Will I ever have the guts to let you read this? If I do and you are reading this, I just want you to know: I’m so glad I’ve met you. You’re amazing in every possible way. Thank you for accepting me as I am and helping me grow into a better version of myself. Thank you for not giving up on me, for always supporting me, and for always making your feelings for me validated by your words and your actions. I hope I have been able to do the same for you. You’re the person I’ve been waiting for, and I’m really happy that it’s you. You make my days. <3

#writing #relationships #whatarethose #mood #perspective #eternaloptimist

[thesilvrlining]

dear felipe,

Felipe, Allie, and Alice. Thank you for the thought-provoking, motivational conversation today. I am humbled by your ambitious nature Felipe. You work so hard to provide your daughters with opportunities that you did not have. You remind me so much of my own parents, and I can tell that your daughters are being raised by a great man. Evidence of this can be seen by their small actions. Upon ordering two cotton candy ice cream cones, Allie handed the first cone to her little sister, and she waited for the second cone to keep as her own. After years of working at my parent’s donut shop, I’ve seen many interactions between young siblings, and I rarely ever see this. Small actions can speak volumes about one’s character - I can already tell that Allie is developing into a remarkable young lady. 

You came to this country at the age of 17. You had to learn a new language, adjust to a new culture - basically start over from scratch. You never got the chance to complete your education for reasons I do not know. What I do know is that your willpower and ambition make you a fighter. You expressed to me the challenges of finding work, raising two children, and having limited resources. You said that you have limited opportunities because you don’t have the skillset, of which is often represented by a degree, that is demanded in today’s employment landscape. You used the two of us as a comparative example - you said you couldn’t make a six figure salary because you don’t have a degree, but it’s possible for me because I am getting that education - “the future is in your hands,” you said. Something I should have replied back with is, “the future is in your hands too.” I may not understand all of your struggles, but I do know that your character, love for family, and unsurmountable determination is not going to hold you back. You said you will keep fighting and give it all you have. Yes, the world is a sucky place and isn’t always fair, but the fact that you’re teaching your girls resilience and determination even when the world seems to be against you already makes you a winner. If that isn’t working hard for your future, then I honestly don’t know what is. You’ve read that book three times (idk the title and you and your daughter were debating over it lol cutest thing ever). You thought you didn’t understand it, but upon reading it each subsequent time, you gradually got the gist of it. Reading a book over three times like that says a lot about a person - you have that fighter spirit in everything you do. 

Thank you for blessing me with this conversation today. It was a pleasure meeting and speaking to you about things that matter to the both of us. I am crossing my fingers that Allie and Alice both get accepted into the school you mentioned. Allie, when your dad gets frustrated because he thinks you’re being too slow with your work, try to understand where he is coming from first, then proceed to remind him you’re doing your best. Felipe, when you get frustrated because you think Allie is lagging with her work, remember the power of patience and know that learning is a process that is different for everyone. Take it from a girl who fought too many senseless battles with her own parents, only to grow up and realize that we both wanted the same things, we just had different ways of showing it. I hope to run into you again soon. Until then, keep being an awesome dad. :)

#writing #inspiration #education #life #fatherdaughter #icecream