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How do you keep going from silent to fucking loud as fuck.

Shut the fuck up.

Shut the fuck up.

Shut the fuck up.

#vent

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Wish I wasn't so tired once I go to lay down.

I prefer getting off at night time because there isn't a million sounds and things going on. I don't want to do it while I hear the dogs screaming and ESPECIALLY NOT when I can hear the girlfriends dad in our house. Fucking 🤢🤮 I really want him to fucking leave. I'm really fucking mad about this actually. I just want to get off.

OH MY GOD WHY IS HE TALKING SO LOUD SHUT THE FUCK UP

I literally hate this man. I want him out. Why does he have to be here so early in the morning? And now the roommate has left his room so now it is going to be even louder.

I hate getting myself into a horny mindset just for shit like this to happen. Easy way to make me angry.

#vent #personal #nsfw

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I also I'm posting here because I'm scared I'm being too much when venting to someone else.

#vent #personal

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I really don't think I could cut it as a manager. Even if its a supposedly easy job at amazon. I don't want to tell people what to do. I don't want to have to discipline other people. I can't view myself as leadership or "the boss" when I view myself pretty low on the hiarchy of people (that I made in my head) who are important. I'm also really not a social person. I can't really get around that if I'm managing people. I can't even manage myself. I'm a mess. I know I'll fuck up at the job and just want to quit.

I'm just worried she thinks bad of me because I don't want to do that job. Idk what makes her think I'd be able to do that.

I'm not a leader. Never have been. Idk that I ever will be.

I know she wants me to have a decent paying job, and I am trying to look. But if its going to make me want to kill myself, is it worth it? Last time I worked at amazon, I felt violently suicidal.

She doesn't have to understand, but I'd think she would get it at this point that I cannot do a job like this. She has a tendency to assume I will have a different reaction then I would ever give during some situations... its very frustrating.

I'm probably over thinking as I usually do. Which is why I'm going off here about why I can't rather then trying to justify why I can't in the chat.

But I don't want to go crazy at her with walls of text when my brain is freaking out about it when it's not even a big deal. I don't want to cause a problem. I don't have to say anything else. Its fine. I'm actively looking for a job. I will get a better job.

#personal #vent #tw suicidal ideation mention

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I hate feeling alone

#vent #personal

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I always assume the worst. Wish I could stop doing that.

#personal #vent

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I think no matter what I decide, it'll be the wrong choice (as usual), so I guess I'll hope for the best...

#vent #personal

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I guess I'm just in a shitty fucking mood still.

I hate how obsessed I am with my own misery.

#vent #personal

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I see stuff that is mine has been pulled out of the shed. Hopefully it doesn't just get thrown away by people who think they dictate the entire household.

It's just old rat stuff I see (I don't really care or need it) but if that gets thrown out without asking, I really don't put it past them to get rid of all my other stuff.

I'll probably cry about it and then have someone else try to act like im overreacting over having irreplaceable items gone forever.

Oh well.

#vent

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It's fine. I'm fine. I'm great. Just another extreme mood swing over dumb fucking bullshit.

#vent

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I'm so embarrassing that I almost want to kill myself about it.

What the fuck is wrong with me

#vent #personal #tw sui ideation

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been repeating this in my head all day

#not to horny shit post but #like #to fill me with boba “eggs” #im #👀👀👀 #i say this as if i didnt have a silicone egg stuck in my once #i got help #very painful and awkward #but also kinda hot to think abour after the fact #to be fair #the bottom of that stupid thing was flat #i think it suctioned to me #just yappin #nsfw

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I just want to shower...

I have to clean first though...

#vent

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I feel very gross and I can't do much about it.

I'm scared everyone else also thinks I'm gross.

#vent #personal

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I'm throwing a tantrum internally because my brain likes to make shit up and make it feel like it's true despite there being no evidence to prove it.

#vent #personal

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wanting to talk to people is so fucking embarrassing. literally hi it's me again I wanted to have a conversation with you because I think you're fun to talk to. oh god you can just fucking kill me if you want sorry

#so true

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I also really hope my alcohol won't be offered up by someone else...

#vent #personal #tw alcohol