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Colors that mean me

Ace Podcast Week, Saturday: Celebration Walt gets an unexpected present for Spring Solstice from Violet which leads him to think about conversation from few months ago, newly learned word, the hidden meanings and community. The theme of tonight’s fanfic is colors. | Hello From The Hallowoods (3,102 words) Note: I am only finishing s2 of HFTH, so treat contents of fic accordingly.

Walt Pensive thought he should pay better attention to the dates. They were after all sometimes relevant to his work. And even if they weren’t he would be able to plan his visits to Scoutpost better. For example he wouldn’t came here, planning to use empty classroom to do some research comfortably and in silence, when the Spring Equinox was happening.

It was too late to turn his car around because Bern was waving at him from the wall. After he passed the gate, he saw the main area crawling with people.

“There goes my quiet research.” Walt murmured to himself hearing all the shouts from the outside.

He parked his van next to Scoutpost’s cars, took a deep breath to ready himself to face the crowd and left the car. He hasn’t had time to close the door behind him when voice reached his ears.

“Look who finally decide to show up!”

“It’s nice to see you too, Bern.” He said turning around to see woman walking towards him with a big smile on her smile. She reached out her hand to him and he shook it.

“Violet would be so disappointed if you didn’t came. You know how she loves having people around for celebrations.”

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Walt chose not to tell her that he came here that day on accident and only nodded.

“I’m glad I won’t disappoint her.”

He closed his car and let Bern led him towards preparation for later celebration. They talked briefly about Scoutpost’s defenses and unwanted guests outside its gates. Walt felt satisfaction and pride hearing that since his last visit they didn’t have any major disturbances. Their conversation was cut short when they entered the crowd in the courtyard.

“Walt!” Violet shouted and waved at him immediately. She patted pockets of her jacket and when she found what she was looking for, she moved towards them.

“Hello, Violet. All the ornaments look amazing.”

Violet moved her hand in dismissive gesture but big smile didn’t leave her face.

“We are doing our best. And the kids were so excited to help they couldn’t even sit through half of their classes.”

“As you mentioned it, could I use the classroom for a little bit of research before the evening if it’s already empty?” Walt decided to take the opening Violet gave him. He knew that he couldn’t skip evening celebrations but he might still do something earlier.

“Oh, of course. There might be a mess because kids literally ran from there when they saw us starting to prepare decorations.”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t make them so amazing.” Bern teased and threw her arm around her wife.

Walt couldn’t not agree with her. People were still busy with decorating and it already looked impressive. Strings with colorful flags were hang up on the fronts of the buildings and between them. The flower motifs on the big banner with “Spring Solstice” written on it were still being finished but every person who was passing by shot a glance at it curiously and immediately smiled. Scraps of fabric were assembled to look like flower and leaves and now a small group with help of a lot bigger group of kids was hanging them around. The courtyard was also slowly filling with chairs and other sits for tonight’s celebration.

“It’s truly impressive, Violet.” Walt said and smiled to the woman. “It will be pleasure as always to celebrate with you tonight. But now excuse me, I have some work to do.”

He was about to turn around when Violet stop him with her hand on his arm. He looked at her with a question on his face.

“Thank you for being around, Walt. And for coming today.” Violet reached out a hand with a small object wrapped in paper in it towards him.

His eyes moved from the woman to the bundle and then back to her. He was vaguely aware of gift giving customs in Scoutpost but till now he never really was a part of it.

“Oh, you didn’t have to, really.” Walt said quietly and didn’t have a chance to add anything else.

“Nonsense!” Violet exclaimed and practically showed the package into his hands. “You help us so much, way more than we pay you. And you are member of this community if you like it or not.”

“I wouldn’t argue with her. Especially when she’s right.” Bern added and laughed when Violet shoved an elbow in her side.

Walt looked at the little bundle in his hands. The wrapping was hold together by some intricate way of folding the paper. Beneath it he could feel something soft. If he had to guess, he would say it was one of the famous handmade objects made by Violet.

“Thank you very much. It really means a lot.” He looked up at the women and put a hesitant smile on his face. “I’m sorry, I don’t have anything for you.”

“Oh, don’t trouble yourself with that. Just give me a hug and promise to tell some interesting stories to the kids later. You know how much they love it.” Violet opened her arms and Walt hugged her gently. Woman didn’t hold back and almost crushed his ribs in embrace.

“Will do.” He promised when he was free again.

“We start when it’s getting dark.” Violet added when he was turning around. “Don’t be late!”

Walt walked back to his car and when he reached it, he curiously looked at the object in his hands. He opened the paper, careful to not damage contents and inside he saw a pair of hand knitted socks. He gently touched them as if he was afraid of ruining them. They were nice under his touch, clearly made with care and skill. Four colors created the same pattern on both of them - black, grey, white and purple. Violet truly did an amazing job. He felt light sting in his chest thinking about how she put even more effort into them by using multiple colors. They definitely had more important things to use colored yarn for and yet she still made him colorful socks.

After a moment of consideration he decided to hide them in his bag. He probably should put them with the rest of his clothes but he felt it would be a little disrespectful to just leave them like that. It wouldn’t be appropriate to the gesture. And it’s not like there was someone to judge him if he wanted to be able to look at them from time to time to appreciate what Violet have done for him.

He took his bag out of the car and rummaged inside looking for some loose books. With arms full of them he moved towards the classroom. In the few minutes his trip to the car took the courtyard filled even more with people helping with decorations or simply admiring them. The banner was finished and Violet was getting on the ladder to hung it up while laughing Bern cheered on her. Walt maneuvered in the crowd trying not to drop any book and finally reached the classroom.

Like Violet said, kids had to run out from there in a hurry because many books were still laying open on the table. Before sitting down Walt decided to clean them up and put them on teacher’s desk to not disturb whatever cataloging system they had on their shelves. He left his stuff in the only empty space on the table and started to pick abandoned books, pencils and papers. Scoutpost classroom was usually clean space and its current state was telling a lot about the excitement felt by their usual occupants.

He took another book into his hands when something inside caught his attention. The book was small and colorful with typical thick pages. On the open one there was a person holding big flag in their hands. The text above them read in big bulky letters: “I am asexual!”

Walt stopped what he was doing and looked intensely at the page. His attention was held by the colors of the flag and text – black, grey, white, purple. The colors he already saw today.

He left books he was gathering moment ago and still holding children book he went back to his things. He put down the book to look through his bag. However his eyes didn’t left the page for a moment. His hands touched something soft and he immediately took out a pair of colorful socks. He laid them next to the open book and looked from one item to another. The flag - black, grey, white and purple. The socks - black, grey, white and purple.

“Asexual.” He read slowly pronouncing every syllable. It did end up being the only time he pronounced it correctly. He traced the letters with his finger and thought about conversation he had with Violet some time ago.

It was late at night. They were sitting near the fire waiting for Bern to finish checking up on the gates before they go to their rooms. Violet was telling some sweet stories about how she and Bern became a couple and their first dates. And then she asked him if he had someone. Normally Walt would give a short answer and change the subject. Normally he wouldn’t engage in this conversation any further. But on the nights like this, when cold seeped into his bones and dark seemed push onto him, he missed Daphne a little bit more. The dull tightness in his chest throbbed with renewed pain and Violet was looking at him genuinely interested and he thought that she would understand. So he told her about Daphne.

He told her how they met in a dinner she worked in. How her smile lit up any room she was in and even black rains didn’t seem so dark when she laughed. That she would put an extra pancake on his order and joke “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”. That she understood him better than anyone he had ever met, sometimes even better than him. That she never pressured him to be someone he wasn’t. He didn’t tell her how he was too late to save her but he guessed Violet knew anyway.

“This your Daphne sounds like a lovely person.” She said with a smile when he finished.

“She really was. I doubt I will ever meet someone like her again.” He sighed. The pain in his chest weakened with every word of his story but didn’t die out entirely.

Violet turned her head to look at him and a curious spark lit up in her eyes.

“Oh, are you looking for someone? Because if you do, I have to tell you I am a pretty good wingman.” She send him a charming smile and moved her brows up and down. He chuckled seeing her expression.

“I don’t doubt that.” He assured her. Here came the part that was harder to tell people. Not like talking about the dead lover was easy – but in the times when everyone lost someone in more or less horrific circumstances, it was easier for people to understand it, there was a grim mundanity in talking about lost ones. But talking about dating and relationships in the future, more precisely talking about Walt’s attitude towards dating and relationships, that was harder – for him to articulate it, for people to understand. “But it’s a… It’s a little bit more complicated than looking or not looking.”

Violet’s eyes haven’t left him. She once again had that understanding look on her face.

“I don’t want to make you talk about something you don’t want to. But if someone can understand complicated, I am this person or at least I will try.”

It was tempting to tell her everything. Violet was a person known for her openness after all. She might be the person able to understand his complicated.

Walt took a deep breath and started once again from Daphne. They weren’t the most physically affectionate couple. They would kiss occasionally, mostly as a good morning or as a goodbye. They would hold hands during walks before the black rains started and cuddle while watching movies. That was mostly it for a long time and Walt was happy and satisfied with how things were. Then, one evening, they were laying together on a couch and Daphne was moving her fingers up and down his arm. She asked him if he wouldn’t like to move to the bedroom. When he questioned if she was tired and wanted to go to sleep, she laughed sweetly and hid her face in his chest.

“I was trying to propose to have sex, Walt.” She said with a light blush on her cheeks seeing his confused expression. His mouth formed a silent “oh” and that got him one of her lovely smiles in response. “But we don’t have to do anything, if you don’t want to.”

He knew she meant it so he told her how he truly felt. The whole honeymoon stuff never really registered on his radar or interested him at all. It wasn’t even that he actively didn’t want to, it was just outside his thoughts all the time and when he was faced with it, it felt out of place and unexpected. But if sex was something she was interested in, he could go with it. He got a tired look from her after he said a last part.

“If you don’t want it, I don’t want it either.” She said in a tone ending all discussion. Then she make him promise. If his attitude towards sex ever changes, one way or another, he would tell her and they would talk about. And unless it happens, the whole thing is consider closed and put away. “No more “if you want to, i can do it for you”, you get it?”

Walt promised.

Nothing changed after that. Daphne would kiss him on his cheek when he was leaving the dinner, he would embrace her while she was cooking. They would cuddle in their bed and in the morning she smiled at him as brightly as always. Walt of course thought about the whole sex thing from time to time, but he didn’t reach any conclusion. Daphne looked as happy with him as before so he let the whole thing go and decided that it will be what it will be. Then Daphne was gone and he never found someone who would cause him to think about it again.

Walt finished talking, his eyes fixed on a fire.

“So, you are like asexual.” Violet said after a moment.

He looked up at her confused. Such short and simple answer wasn’t what he was expecting.

“Ase- what?” He didn’t know what she was talking about.

“Asexual.” She repeated with a small smile on her lips. “Someone who doesn’t feel sexual attraction. Sex is not really it for them.”

Walt listened to her words curiously. There was something oddly familiar in them.

“Oh, I guess, I guess it fits.” He said hesitantly and chuckled. “Huh, didn’t even know there was a word for that.”

“Turns out people before us had a very similar feelings and experience and created a words to describe them.”

They were interrupted when Bern came into the lighting shaking from the cold. She complained about the weather and Violet told her “I told you to wear warmer jacket”. The topic changed quickly and Walt hadn’t really thought about their conversation since then.

Now he was sitting in the empty classroom with children book and four-color socks in front of him. The book was a relic from the world that no longer existed – where people didn’t have to focus on survival and had time to match labels to flags and colors. He never took part in it, not thinking then that he could have his own colors somewhere in the rainbow. But he did. Violet showed it to him. She knew he would probably not recognize the colors, but she used them anyway. Because there were colors that meant him, that symbolized his experience, that he shared with a community. She went out of her way, just in case if he one day recognized them, he would know she understood.

Walt gently moved his fingers on the handmade material and looked out the window. Violet was shouting at Bern to stop laughing and help her with the banner. The kids were running around, probably causing more trouble than help, but no one seemed to mind. Someone started humming some melody and more people were picking it up.

He took a deep breath, tucked all his belongings in the corner away from prying eyes and went outside.

“Need help with that?” He shouted stepping next to the ladder Violet was standing on.

“Oh, thank you, Walt. Yes! Someone else here is very unhelpful.” Woman shot her wife treating look that didn’t have any real anger behind it and got only another chuckle in response.

Walt help her put up the banner and then arrange chairs. He wasn’t at all late to the celebrations as he haven’t left the courtyard. Bern made sure he kept his promise regarding telling stories to the children. They all seemed extremely transfixed by his words and were complaining loudly when their parents said that it was enough for one night.

Before he went to the guest room Violet insisted he took for the night, he stopped next to her.

“I just wanted to thank you once again for a present. It really means a lot.”

Tiredness was creeping on her face slowly but her eyes were shining with happiness.

“I’m glad you like it. And I really meant it – you are part of this community.” She pointed a finger in his chest and he nodded in response knowing that arguing will not achieve anything. He also didn’t feel like opposing at the moment.

“And I wanted to thank you for the other night, when you-, well when you understood me.” He said quietly. “And the whole ahsexual thing."

Big smile showed up on Violet’s face and it was obvious she got that he learnt the meaning behind the colors of the socks. She went to hug him tightly and Walt reciprocated the gesture.

“You are welcome. And if you ever want to talk with someone, I am always here.”

He thanked her again and went to his room.

Later when Walt was falling asleep, pair of hand knitted socks laid on top of his bag ready to be worn the next day.

#hello from the hallowoods #walter pensive #fanfic #short story #2023 | day 7

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