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Lethal Weapon, denouement

Move along, son, nothing to see.

I’m not gonna talk about LW 3 and 4. I don’t want to talk about Mel Gibson, he’s an asshole. Suffice it to say: LW 1 and 2 are about Riggs dealing with his pain, 3 and 4 are about him moving on and living. 4 is my favorite, I just really dig it.

He’s such an asshole. Anyway.

When people realized that Ass and Danny Glover were getting a little long in the tooth for these hardcore action roles, someone had the brilliant idea to do a Lethal Weapon TV series. Back in the day? Hell naw. Today, though, we live in a world where they successfully translated Hannibal Lecter into a TV icon, so I was willing to give it a shot.

This photo is a lie

For the most part, it works. The setup is the same: Riggs, Murtaugh, one too old for this shit, the other half-insane.

Damon Wayans plays Murtaugh, and Clayne Crawford took on the role of Riggs. And the show was actually really good!

Until.

Rumors started to surface that behind the scenes, things were not well. A lot of fighting, a lot of blame placed on Crawford’s shoulders. In the end, they fired him and replaced him with…

Seann William Scott. Here’s the thing: they killed off Riggs just as they were about to give him the ending he’d earned. They were about to let him retire and move back to Texas with his new love, letting him ride off into the sunset. He was gone baby gone! And then in the last eight seconds they said “nah just fuckin’ kill him.” And that is just cruel as shit. That, to me, smacks of retaliation.

Seann Scott’s character (who’s name I can’t remember) was supposed to be the new crazy guy and I’m sure he did okay. I stopped watching after they killed Riggs. So did everyone else: the series was canceled after that. More rumors persisted that Wayans was actively trying to get the show shut down, but I don’t know if that’s true. And honestly, who cares? That show could have been goddamn awesome, but no.

And that’s the sad end of our Lethal Weapon series. I’m sorry it took so long. It was difficult to try and write this stuff while having to praise Mel Fucking Gibson (such an asshole). And again, I keep reading rumors that Fox was trying to keep Damon Wayans happy so he’d stay on the series, when he didn’t want to be there in the first place (he apparently did the pilot as a quick paycheck but didn’t think it would get picked up).

Maybe next time we should do something funner. Something bigger.

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LETHAL WEAPON 2: LETHAL WEAPONER

Mel is about to shoot a guy off camera

Lethal Weapon 2! The sequel to the incredible Lethal Weapon pits our heroes against BAD GUYS from South Africa! They’re assholes, so don’t feel bad about them getting their asses kicked! Let’s jump in!!

Not like thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaSPLASH

LW2 teams Riggs and Murtaugh with the rest of the LAPD to take down a bunch of South African assholes who are using the US to...launder money? Be dicks? It’s not entirely clear. The point is, bad guys are doing bad guy shit.

Awful bad guys, or a hot New Wave trio? You decide!

A bit of history: during the time this movie was made, South Africa was still suffering under Apartheid, which used systematic racism to keep the minority whites of the country in control. Apartheid ended in 1991, but this flick used that as a backdrop—the US was finally starting to give a damn that people were being oppressed.

TO KNOW RACISM SUCKS!! No joke here. Racism is awful, and if you are a hateful bigot, get the fuck off my blog. :)

So the bad guys target LA cops, murdering at will, which they can do because they have

Ugh this asshole

But not all the South Africans are awful. There’s Rika, the assistant! She’s pretty cool, and she thinks Riggs is the right kind of sexy.

“Yes, Mel, very bad. Racism is for people with small dicks and smaller brains.”—Rika, probably

Bad shit happens! Explosions! Gunfights!! Diplomatic immunity is revoked—with extreme prejudice!! Riggs dies!!

Wait what?

“You heard the man: you’re a mullet with a dead guy stapled to it!”—Murtaugh, too ancient for this dookie

At least, that’s what was supposed to happen. In Shane Black’s original script (which was a lot darker), Riggs dies at the end. The studio was like “nah fam” and decreed that Riggs should live for future sequels. Shane Black was so damn angry he left the series, never to return. He calls his unproduced LW2 script the best thing he’s ever written (and that is saying something!).

“I LIVE AND ALSO I AM CRAZY!”—Mel, every day probably

But what about development? Well, this one adds Joe Pesci as Leo Getz, a recurring character in the series. It has Riggs growing as a human being and letting go of his pain. We find out the details of his wife’s death. There’s a lot of character development in LW2 that I won’t spoil, but this one has some hysterical moments, great action, and real heart. One of the rare times a sequel surpasses the original.

That’s what I call blowing up that toilet! (tested on MythBusters!) #noiwontapologize

All in all? Fantastic sequel, and a great setup for the future of the series!

Join us next time for Lethal Weapon 3!

#review #lethal weapon mel gibson danny glover review buddy cop #Mel #mel gibson #danny glover #lethal weapon 3

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Lethal Weapon

Mel is Mel and Danny Glover is just to aged for this crap.

1987! A time when mullets were keen, Mel only acted crazy, and Danny Glover was a borderline action hero! Unto this year came...LETHAL WEAPON, the template for what a buddy cop movie is.

Roger Murtaugh of the LAPD has a problem:his new partner, Martin Riggs, is crazy. And not just pretend-crazy to get the crazyman pension, but actually STONE COLD CRAZY!!

Whatever gave him that idea, I wonder

Poor Mel has issues: his wife has died, and he misses her terribly. He flirts with suicide on an almost daily basis--he takes risks that scare his bosses. In an effort to help calm him down, he’s partnered with veteran detective Roger Murtaugh!

Seen here, being too wizened for this waste.

They have to save LA from the invading British! FREEEDOOOOOOOM wait wrong movie. No, they have to save the city from this guy:

That’s right, Will Riker’s Dad

General Whatshisname leads a group of mercenaries who are importing lots of heroin into the country. Also, he commands the loyalty of the one man who can out-crazy Mel Gibson:

“A coked-up Macaulay Culkin?”

That’s right, GARY BUSEY. LA IS DOOOOOOOOOOOOMED.

Anyway, the Bad Guys do Bad Guy stuff: they murder people, they traffic heroin, they kidnap people, they torture folks. They’re BAD DUDES. Then they make a mistake in kidnapping Murtaugh’s daughter.

It’s a Christmas movie: they’ll gift wrap your ass before they hand it to you

MOAR VIOLENCE ensues, good guys win, bad guys lose, everyone goes home happyish. The bad guys don’t, cuz they’re dead as shit.

The feuding partners call an uneasy truce and realize that they’re buddies, and then it’s dinner at Roger’s.

Now kiiiiiiiiiiiissssss

Some younger readers might be wondering about Mel Gibson. Today, he’s mostly known for being a crazy asshole. But in 1987? This movie helped make him one of the biggest movie stars in the world. He was a triple-A star, and this was eight years before Braveheart. He was a household name. Danny Glover was a borderline star before this. Lethal Weapon made them both kings.

And what about the movie? As we said before, Lethal Weapon invented a new subgenre of action movie: the buddy-cop movie. It was after this we got 48 Hours, Tango and Cash, Rush Hour...any movie with two mismatched cops solving crimes and trading quips owes it’s existence to Lethal Weapon. But here’s the thing: no one has done it better than Lethal Weapon. An incredible script by the incomparable Shane Black anchored a cast that just stomped ass all over everything in existence. Richard Donner directed with his usual greatness. There is a chemistry between not just Gibson and Glover, but every member of the cast that is palpable and awesome. There’s real character growth, there’s fun jokes, there’s loads of action, and Mel’s bare ass.

Obscured because this is a fuckin’ family show

The charisma in this movie is so good, it set up an interesting formula for later films, but we’ll get to that as we move through the rest of the movies...and yes, we’ll get to the series, as well.

We’re going to take them movie by movie...and maybe throw a surprise or two in there as well.

Join us tomorrow for Lethal Weapon 2, full of DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY!!

#lethal weapon mel gibson danny glover review buddy cop

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Next time on Ace’s Reviews!! Prepare your face for LETHAL WEAPON!!

#review #lethal weapon

[aces-reviews]

The Lecter Variations pt. 7: Manhunter

*cue Miami Vice music*

Manhunter!! A 1986 film by Michael Mann, this was the first Hannibal Lecter movie. Well, we say that...but Lecter is in this flick for about three minutes total. He’s played by Brian Cox (the dickhead who created Wolverine in X-Men 2).

And no mention of the cannibalism thing...

Seriously, it’s not brought up. He’s just an ordinary psycho. Anyway!

The plot here is familiar by now: Will Graham must come out of retirement to catch a killer known as the Red Dragon. The major difference in Manhunter is that it’s boiled down to a far simpler hunt for a killer. Dolarhyde’s motivations aren’t touched on—in fact, he’s just a flat out killer. Now, don’t think he isn’t terrifying, he absolutely is: Tom Noonan is a golem created specifically to make 80’s housewives invest in man-killing hardware.

Seriously oh my god

But he lives in the city, dresses in the fashion of the day, and is generally more human (even though he looks like a Star Trek alien carved out of pale ham).

Hunting this man (NOW I GET IT) is Will Graham, played by William Petersen.

CSI: Origins

He’s definitely more of a cop than other Will Graham’s we’ve had. But he does a good job. Joan Allen plays Reba McLane, making her the first unofficial Ace’s Reciews crossover star—she was in Death Race with Statham!

We can’t talk about Manhunter without talking about the era it inhabits. Michael Mann created Miami Vice, and even though this story takes place nowhere near there, it still FEELS like it does. The whole thing is drenched in that delicious Michael Mann style, and so much neon! It’s both a testament and a condemnation of everything we found beautiful in 1986.

It’s beautiful, isn’t it? By the way, that last shot is Dolarhyde’s place.

This movie is a product of the 80’s. My favorite scene is the one where Will and his son go grocery shopping because it’s such a time capsule.

Who remembers Total?

If you’re looking for a slick and stylish thriller, it’s hard to go wrong with Manhunter. You can get motivation and nuance from the other movies we’ve reviewed. Pop this bad boy in and take a trip back to when hair was big, breakfast was Total, and life was good.

We hope you’ve enjoyed our Lecter retrospective. It goes without saying that fans of the character should absolutely read the novels as well—even Hannibal Rising has some good moments and great writing. But for now, we’ll simply say thanks so much for reading and having us over for dinner.

#review #hannibal lecter #hannibal #Manhunter #red dragon

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The Lecter Variations, pt 6: Hannibal, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the TV Show

Sorry, I’m drooling over this show

When I first read “Bryan Fuller wants to make a Hannibal Lecter TV show”, I died a little. A tv show? About Hannibal Lecter? Ugh. I was not happy.

It was in the post “Hannibal Rising” era (ugh) and there was really nothing happening with the character of Lecter. And now...they wanted TV? Are you nuts? You can’t do killer-thriller TV on NBC!!

The first leaks came out: it take place before “Red Dragon” and focus on Hannibal’s relationship with Will Graham. A small glimmer of hope: maybe we’ll see a touch of RD, that would be cool.

The casting was announced: Laurence Fishburne as Jack Crawford? Hell yeah! Hugh Dancy as Will Graham? He’s not bad. He was in King Arthur! With...wait, what?

Mads Mikkelsen as Hannibal Lecter.

As soon as I read that, I immediately checked dates and times to make sure I could watch the premiere. Mikkelsen is one of the best actors working today, and his take on Lecter would be worth the price of admission!

And oh what a glorious show we got in return.

Fancier pants! THE FANCIEST PANTS YOU OWN GOOD SIR

Those who have seen the show know what I’m talking about: a potent mix of story, performance, audio, and visual elements that combine into this amazing and surreal journey into the minds of dangerous people.

I apologize for making your underwear burst into flame

The core of the series is the relationship between Will Graham, a special investigator with the FBI, and his therapist, the affluent and mysterious Dr Hannibal Lecter. Will can think like a killer, and that is helpful in his line of work. But it also puts his mind on the edge of a knife between hero and villain. Enter Dr Lecter, who sees something unusual in Will Graham—himself. Or perhaps, the potential to be...

Will’s boss, Jack Crawford, is concerned. After all, if Will thinks like a killer then maybe it’s not too far off that he becomes the killer...

“I have zero tolerance for your bullshit”—Laurence Fishburne, every frame

The series plays a lot with the lore of Hannibal Lecter. For one thing, it has to—a lot of people forget that Silence of the Lambs takes place in the early 80’s. Hannibal couldn’t be a sexy 40 year old in 2016 and have lived through WW2. Adjustments are made, and for the most part, they work. There are some gender-flips as well: Freddy Lounds the tabloid journalist becomes Freddie Lounds, a young woman who runs a true-crime tabloid website. Dr Alan Bloom becomes Dr Alana Bloom, a woman who knows better than to try and analyze Will without permission (and provides a polarizing foil for Lecter).

Until, of course, it’s too late.

Make no mistake: this show is not about Hannibal “becoming” a killer: when the show opens, we know exactly whom we are dealing with.

It is, however, about two people falling in love and hurting each other because of it. The Hannigram section of the fandom is quite right when they try to ship Hannibal and Will. And it adds a fascinating aspect to everything that occurs.

Side note: this scene in the museum might be the best five minutes of television ever produced.

The show is also equal parts food porn and murder porn. Hannibal, a gourmet chef, prepares exquisite dishes, quite often after killing someone exquisitely.

Obligatory finger foods joke

Don’t get me wrong: the show has its flaws: I personally think the Red Dragon arc was handled poorly, and sometimes it gets a little weird seeing a different gimmicky serial killer every week. But even for those things, it’s one of the best series to hit the networks...well, ever.

It adapts material from Red Dragon, Hannibal, and Hannibal Rising (just for flavor), but since another studio had the rights to Silence of the Lambs and all the associated characters, they couldn’t get into that. And I’m okay with that: the core of the show is Hannibal and Will. Messing with that would dull what makes it work.

Do not sleep on this series!! Go watch it now!! And join us next time for our final installment of “The Lecter Variations” with a thriller from the slick and dazzling 1980’s!!

#review #hannibal lecter #hannibal #mads mikkelsen #hugh dancy #tv #foodporn

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Ace’s Reviews presents the Lecter Variations pt. 4: Hannibal Rising

Get it? It’s a samurai mask, but it looks like his insanity mask. Get it?

Ugh. Hannibal Rising is the worst thing to ever bear the character’s name. Let’s...let’s get to it, I guess.

A bit of background: someone in Hollywood told Thomas Harris (fucking TOLD him) “We are doing a Hannibal origin movie whether you like it or not. You can be a part of it, but this is happening.” So Harris cranked out a novel that was basically the screenplay (all that’s really missing in the movie is Count Robert Lecter) and we’re off to the races.

“Don’t make me watch it again!”—this poor schmuck, probably

Hannibal is a kid. His family is trying to escape the Nazis (fuck those guys) and end up in a cabin in the woods. A place crashes, people die, Nazis come and Hannibal’s sister is eaten by the starving soldiers. Hannibal escapes and is adopted by his aunt, the Lady Murasaki. She starts to teach him stuff and it’s clear they really REALLY want to fuck, Hannibal starts tracking the soldiers who killed his sister, horrific vengeance occurs, no fucking though, and Hannibal comes to America THE END.

Sorry. This is just...a really awful piece of work. The only way it could have been worse is if he was in space or had an epic rap battle.

“Why would you give them that idea?!”—everyone reading this, probably

As Hannibal, we have Gaspard Ulliel, who...was certainly in this movie!

“You drink better wine than you serve.”—actually kind of a cool moment

I don’t think he spoke English before this movie. I...I don’t think he spoke it after, either. He’s certainly there, though—wearing clothes and being present. He has one or two good moments—the one in the pic above, and another where he is channeling Anthony Hopkins. But for the most part, he’s bland.

Gong Li is here as Lady Murasaki, and she’s the one who teaches Hannibal about samurai and kendo, two things he’s super known for. Also, as mentioned, she REALLY wants Hannibal’s cannibal.

I will not apologize for that joke

Dominic West and Rhys Ifans have supporting roles. Tortures and murders abound.

Tanks for the memories

It’s just bad. You can skip this one, I promise. It was responsible for a bunch of great posters though.

Top to Bottom: “Lithuanian Psycho”, “Leon Kennedy: the Early Years”, “My Pal Joker”.

Join us next time for a look at the best TV show of the last ten years!

#review #hannibal lecter #hannibal

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Ace’s Reviews presents: Hannibal

Not what we meant by the red-eye flight, Hannibal

WE KNOW, WE’RE LATE anyway

Here’s our look at Hannibal, the follow-up to Silence of the Lambs. It’s also based on the novel by Thomas Harris, and sticks fairly close to the basics of the plot (with the exception that the movie excises the character of Margot Verger, a crime worth eating someone over).

Hannibal, based on the novel Push by Sapphire

This entry sees Hannibal living in Europe, enjoying the high life, meeting nice people and having them over for dinner, and generally being a handsome fugitive.

Clarice Starling, on the other hand, is being a badass FBI agent who’s continually getting the short end of the stick. After a botched raid on a meth lab lands her in the tabloids (reporting by Freddy Lounds someone who isn’t Freddy Lounds), Lecter decides to send Clarice an encouraging tweet.

#LecterFace (side note: this original draft of the movie poster was deemed too disturbing to use!)

No, he sends a letter (because when this came out, Twitter hadn’t been invented oh god I am so old). Letters can be traced, so the hunt is on.

Clarice is joined in her quest by Mason Verger, a victim of Lecter’s who is still alive.

“If you can call this living, amirite?” Mason Verger, probably

There’s also the little matter of Hannibal himself, who doesn’t want to be captured and thrown back in weirdo jail.

“No thanks, I’ve already been! Waitwait, I got it, KNIFE to see you!”—Hannibal, probably

There are cat and mouse chase, some killing, some beautiful scenery, and then it’s over...but you’ll have to see that for yourself.

“Two things that should ever be spoiled: meat and movies!”—Hannibal, correctly

This isn’t a bad movie. The problem it runs into is the fact that it came after Silence of the Lambs, which is pretty much a perfect movie. Also they got very few of the original cast back: only Anthony Hopkins and Frankie Faison (Barney the Orderly) returned. But those two were bolstered by the impeccable Julianne Moore (who played Clarice and didn’t attempt to emulate Jodie Foster, and I respect that), Giancarlo Giannini (as the smooth Inspector Pazzi) and GARY FREAKING OLDMAN as Mason Verger (who looks like a haunted butthole).

Also Ray Liotta, who eats his own brain

It was directed by Ridley Scott, with a score by Hans Zimmer! This movie has a ton of star power behind it, but it’s often lost in the shuffle of “Not As Good as Silence”, which is a damn shame. I recommend this one highly. Anthony Hopkins hadn’t yet turned Lecter into a clown, and Julianne Moore might be one of the most perfect humans God ever created.

One super important thing though: the ending of the book and the end of the movie are VASTLY different. We’ll let you, the reader, decide which is better.

Join us next time for Hannibal Rising, a movie we are genuinely sad that it exists.

#review #hannibal #hannibal lecter

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The Lecter Variations, pt 2—The Silence of the Lambs, or: How to Win Oscars and Influence People

Lady—you have a BUG on your FACE

This film, you guys. This film.

I say film instead of movie because that’s exactly what it is: a well-honed, well-crafted film that absolutely deserves every accolade that’s been thrown its way. This is one of three films in history to win the Big Five at the Oscars: Film, Director, Actor, Actress, and Screenplay. It’s the only horror film to ever get this kind of love.

You know the plot: young and fresh Clarice Starling visits the genius Doctor Hannibal Lecter to garner his help in catching a serial killer known as Buffalo Bill. In exchange, Lecter demands personal knowledge of her life. And then there are the fools who think they’re smarter than Lecter...and find out the hard way they aren’t.

Spoiler Alert: this man is smiling for a reason

Where to begin? With Jodie Foster, I guess. She’s the star of the show, after all. She instills a sense of quiet purpose and stark vulnerability that she balances so damn well. That I think is the crux of this film: the performances are so damn believable from every actor in it.

Also cinematography. No joke, this is just a cool shot

And then of course...Anthony Hopkins as Dr Hannibal Lecter.

Masks save lives!

Absolutely chilling in every moment he’s on film, this is the performance people remember when they think of Lecter. Rumor had it that he never blinked in the entirety of his performance, but that’s easily debunked. It doesn’t matter: he’s clearly the one in control every second you see him, and he provides the best damn ending to the whole thing...

He’s a good boy, so he gets french fries

We can’t talk about performances without mentioning Ted Levine as Buffalo Bill.

“Are you about a size 14?”

Easily one of the most memorable and horrific villains ever put on film, Buffalo Bill also provides the most memorable lines in the movie (and all of them are about lotion). Not only is his performance chilling and terrifying, it was brave as hell, and you know the scene I’m talking about.

This one

What’s awesome is that producers wanted to cut it. Ted Levine argued that it was vital to understand Buffalo Bull as a character, and not just because he had to tuck the boys back.

Please do not tease the cannibals

Another SotL thing that’s hit the zeitgeist is the glass cage: we’ve seen it in pop culture over and over again, but this film started it.

The hottest new synth trio this year

Silence is easily the best of Hopkins’ outings as Lecter (obviously, as it garnered him an Oscar). It’s also the best film featuring the Lecter character (notice I said film—the series is something we’ll get to).

No caption needed really

Next time, we’re gonna talk about Hannibal, the film, a shocking and shockingly good movie.

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The Lecter Variations 1: Red Dragon, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Lunatic

We’re big fans of Hannibal Lecter here at Ace’s Reviews, so we’ve decided a review series is on the menu! We debated on which order to post these: some argued for release order, others for chronological, while still others just wanted tacos. In the end, we ordered tacos and decided on a slapdash order based on Hannibal himself: first, we’ll talk about Sir Anthony Hopkins’ interpretation, in chronological order, then we’ll do the one-off Hannibals (Brian Cox and Gaspard Ulliel), then the TV series with Mads Mikkelsen.

We’ll start the scene-chewing meal with Red Dragon, adapted from Thomas Harris’ novel of the same name. This was actually the third movie filmed featuring Hopkins’ iconic take on Dr Lecter, having already played him in Silence of the Lambs and Hannibal. Unfortunately, by this time Lecter (and Hopkins performance) had entered the cultural zeitgeist and so Lecter takes more of a prominent role in this movie, thus reducing his impact as the Scariest Motherfucker Alive.

“I’m supposed to be younger here than in Silence. Just—just run with it, okay?”—Hannibal Lecter, MD

The hero of the movie is Will Graham, the special investigator who once caught Dr Lecter. Now he’s after the Tooth Fairy, a serial killer who hunts and kills whole families.

Will realizes that Hannibal could smell that one-cheek sneak

Will has the ability to think like a killer, and it allows him to track them far better than anyone else. But he needs Lecter’s help! So Will visits the Doctor on more than one occasion, and each time it just gets worse. Hannibal is not happy about being locked up, and blames Will for it.

Plus side: sweet-ass ninja masks

Let’s get a look at our killer—Francis Dolarhyde, the Tooth Fairy...or as he prefers to be called, the Red Dragon.

“Hello, I’m also Voldemort.”—the Red Dragon, probably.

Oh snap Ralph Feinnes! He kills people because he had a harelip as a child and now has a single small scar to enhance his perfect features!

I dunno, I guess if you’re gonna have someone be a killer because they think they’re hideous, maybe don’t cast one of God’s most beautiful humans? Look at that man. He could charm the panties off a statue.

Also: DAT ASS

This movie has a giant ensemble cast: Ed Norton, Hopkins, Feinnes, Harvey Keitel, Mary-Louise Parker, Emily Watson, Philip Seymour Hoffman...and all so we could get back to “Hannibal the Evil Bad Guy” like he was in Silence as opposed to “Hannibal the Anti-Hero” like we saw in Hannibal.

“Goodbye Horses...”

Red Dragon tries very hard to get back to the Silence aesthetic: the establishing shot of the Asylum is actually from that film, Frankie Faison and Anthony Heald return as Barney and Dr Chilton respectively, and Ted Talley adapted the screenplay like he did for Silence. So why isn’t it as good? In a word: Lecter.

“Blame this shit on me, motherfucker...”

In Silence of the Lambs, Lecter is not the main character. He’s a side-guy, and Hopkins plays it cool, subtle, and scary. In this, he’s so over-the-top it’s almost a parody of his own performance. He’s also noticeably older, and they don’t try to make it seem otherwise. They just assume you’ll be happy to see him behind glass again. He doesn’t do a bad job—Sir Anthony was good in a fucking Transformers movie—but it’s a far cry from the performance he gave in Silence of the Lambs.

Ed Norton is a bit of a problem too—he’s just...so bland in this, and I have to wonder what would have happened if we’d gotten a better actor to play Will Graham (wait no I don’t the TV series happened).

All in all, it’s probably the low point in Hopkins’ outing as Hannibal Lecter, but it’s worth a watch for Ralph Feinnes as Dolarhyde—he’s legitimately incredible.

Join us tomorrow for our review of Silence of the Lambs!

[aces-reviews]

Art-Watch: The Man of Steel #2 (October 1986)

Don Sparrow continues adding his comments to the Byrne era with MoS #2, or “the Lois pretends to drown to score and interview” issue. See the full updated post here or Don’s new commentary only in our Patreon (for free): https://www.patreon.com/posts/39728324

Also, if you missed it, we dropped an all-new post about Superman #83 over the weekend! Don’t worry, mullet era, we haven’t forgotten about you.

[aces-reviews]

Mad Max: the Game and further thoughts

Starring Ben Affleck’s Stunt Double

Released in 2015, several months after Mad Max: Fury Road, the game tells a side story that acts as a prequel to Fury Road.

The game opens with Max being overtaken by Scabrous Scrotus, Warlord of Gastown and a son of Immortan Joe.

“Are you entitled to a settlement but need cash now? Call 1-800-Gas-Town!”

The Interceptor, Max’s shotgun and jacket, everything is taken by Scrotus’ hordes. Max manages to stab Scrotus in the head with a chainsaw (this game is rad), but nearly dies in the process. Max is then found by his unlikely savior, Chumbucket.

Do not be fooled—Chumbucket might as well be named Cinnamon Bun

Chumbucket shows Max what we as an audience already knows: the Interceptor is fucked. But Chumbucket is building the ultimate wasteland machine, the Magnum Opus. He’s just been waiting for the right driver.

This is not my Magnum Opus, but it’s close.

The game features a GIGANTIC MAP full of varied tasks: enemy camps to raid and convert, loot locations to pillage, and all kinds of things. You are also tasked with finding new parts for the Magnum Opus to make it the most badass machine on the road.

USE YOUR BLINKER ASSHOLE

You’ll spend about 60% in the car, doing your damnedest to control the car (which I found problematic at times), but also engaging in furious combat. Ramming attacks, your modified shotgun, and a harpoon (controlled by faithful Chumbucket), are your weapons against War Boys, Buzzards, and Roadkill dudes. The other 40% is spent on foot, exploring and fighting. Much like every other third person action title in recent memory, it uses a similar combat system as Batman: Arkham Asylum—you’re surrounded by enemies and beat the shit out of them, bouncing back and forth. That combat gets boring late in the game—once you’ve done it over and over again, it gets repetitive. There is a fight in a Thunderdome though, which was pretty dope.

It took me quite a while to loot everything and clear all the threats from the world, which was nice. The story is engaging, and helps fill in a gap from Fury Road: the little girl in Max’s visions is a main character in the game (and you find out her ultimate fate). The final cosmetics you unlock in the game make Max look like he does in the first scenes of Fury Road.

All in all, I’d give the game a 7/10. I enjoyed it, but it has its problems. I also had a particular moment during a race that I thought I couldn’t overcome—but if you’re better at games than this old codger, you’ll be fine.

On my way to tuck the homies in

On to theorizing.

When Fury Road hit, there was a lot of discussion about when it happens in the overall Mad Max timeline. There were several people who thought it came after Mad Max but before Road Warrior. The idea was that Toecutter survived his injuries and became Immortan Joe (Hugh Keyes-Bearne played both characters). The theory also posited that Rictus Erectus survives the crash of the War Rig and becomes Lord Humungus. I never liked that idea. I was more partial to the original thought that Lord Humungus was actually Jim Goose from Mad Max.

There were also theories that FR Max was actually the Feral Kid all grown up, having taken Max’s name and car. That’s why Max is so hesitant to say his name at the end—it’s the first time he’s ever called himself that!!

Seen here, all grown up.

Again, not a theory I subscribe to, mainly because the first line in the movie is “My name is Max.”

If I have to subscribe to a theory, it’s this one:

The only two movies that feature the real Max are Mad Max and Fury Road. The first one is the origin story, so I feel pretty confident saying that. Fury Road is the only one with Max’s own narration at the beginning. He is telling the story. Road Warrior and Beyond Thunderdome are both told as legends of Mad Max. By that point, he’s become this mythical hero. It’s also possible that all this stuff happened to different people, but the tale-tellers make it about Max because he’s a cypher.

If they are all really him, I think it goes in this order: Mad Max/Road Warrior/the Game/Fury Road/Thunderdome. By Thunderdome, he’s aged and has grey in the hair, but also! He no longer has the leg brace, which he does have in Fury Road.

So there you have it! Our Mad Max series comes to an end. We hope you’ve enjoyed this tour of the Wasteland. Mind the water-seller on your way out, and remember to ride eternal, shiny and chrome!

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Mad Max: Fury Road

Buckle up, buttercup—we’re headed to Valhalla

Mad Max: Fury Road is the greatest action movie ever made. This point cannot be argued, it cannot be debated. The sky is blue, water is wet, Fury Road is the best. Incontrovertible fact. This review is going to be a little different, because I’m making the dangerous assumption that you’ve seen this movie. If you haven’t, go do that now. No fooling—put down the phone and watch Fury Road, then come back.

Fury Road is the first Mad Max flick to not star Mel Gibson. It was supposed to—that’s how long Fury Road spent in development hell. But in between Thunderdome and FR, Mel had a run-in with the law, won Oscars, and slowly went child-eatingly insane. While some might argue that would make him perfect for a new Mad Max flick, the truth was that Mel probably couldn’t have handled it. So we got a new Max, in the form of Tom Hardy.

Seen here, channeling his inner Riggs

I will go to my grave convinced that they beat the screaming minotaur out of him, hypnotized him, and told him only: “SURVIVE, MOTHERFUCKER.” That kind of lunacy doesn’t come easy.

The thousand-yard stare of a man who ate an extra on set, bones and all

He was the perfect choice for Max. But it’s important to note something about this movie, something huge, and the clue is on the movie poster at the start of this review. Here it is: Max is not the main character of this movie.

The real heroine of the movie, along with some dude.

This show belongs almost entirely to Charlize Theron’s Imperator Furiosa, who is clearly the most badass woman who has ever existed.

Theron, hunting her lunch on set, just before an extra mysteriously disappeared

There were some idiots people who were angered by this. “Why is she the main character in a movie about Mad Max?” they cried, clutching the pearls woven into their neckbeards, their basement lairs a-quiver. I don’t know the actual reason, but I’ve some theories.

By the time Fury Road was gifted to us by a loving God, “Mad Max” as a concept had entered fully into the cultural zeitgeist. I didn’t have to explain Mad Max—merely saying the words was enough to trigger the idea of a deserted wasteland, badass cars, a haunted Mel Gibson, and Thunderdomes as far as the eye could see. We got it, man.

Fury Road is a different film because of all that. Fury Road upends the conventions that the first three films created. The older ones are drab and washed out, lacking color or conventional beauty. FR is colorful and vivid, full of bright contrasts. The first three: brutal, badass men, ready to peel your face off and wear it as a loincloth, desperately trying to survive. Fury Road is full of smart women who are trying to build a better world, trying to escape those same men. This film was directed by a man. It was edited and finished by a woman.

Furiosa is missing an arm, and wears a rough prosthesis in its place. She fights to get the gorgeous Wives to someplace safe and free, where they can be their own people and not property. She is every woman who’s been called nasty names by some sleazebag in a bar because she didn’t meet his ideals of beauty. And what of those sleazebags? There are a total of two good men in FR: Max himself and Nux, both of whom view Furiosa and the wives as people trying to break free and be themselves. They respect that. All of the other men in the movie, from Immortan Joe on down, view Furiosa and the Wives as property, as goods. And yes, I’m aware that Max and Nux both need time to come to their realizations. The point is that they do—in Nux’s case, he changes literally his entire worldview, which is astonishing for a sidekick in an action movie.

Everyone who made this movie is either filthy or dead

Approximately eight and one half trillion words have been written about Fury Road, including all these that I’ve contributed. This flick won Oscars, and lots of them—it won the most of any movie the year it was nominated, and not just technical ones either.

Mad Max: Fury Road was nominated for Best Picture. Let that sink in.

A movie with this in it was nominated for Best Picture, as God intended

Fury Road is not to be fucked with.

It has all the good stuff you expect from a Mad Max movie: car chases, action, stunts galore, homoerotic bondage mutants. The Interceptor is in it for like five seconds.

Seen here just before it gets destroyed. Again.

It’s honestly a perfect movie. If you haven’t seen it, go watch it. I watch it about once every three months or so, simply because it’s that awesome. Watch the making-of stuff, because all that shit was done practically—they were out in the desert, blowing shit up and having a grand old time and created the perfect film.

Join us tomorrow for a massive post. We’ll be reviewing the Mad Max video game, and talking about various theories and ideas that surround the Mad Max lore. Here’s another picture of Tom Hardy as Max because he’s dreamy.

Real badasses never look back.

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Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome

In a world made of Tina Turner’s hair...

The third installment of the Mad Max franchise is responsible for adding something endearing to pop culture: the idea of a dome where violent things happen. Thunderdome!!

Twenty years after his vengeful ride against Toecutter, Max finds himself on the outskirts of Bartertown.

Braveheart 2: Brave Harder

When all of his stuff is stolen, Max is offered a deal by the leader of Bartertown, Aunty Entity.

Played by Tina Goddamned Turner in 700 pounds of chainmail and wigs and YOU WILL RESPECT HER IN THIS HOUSE

She’ll return Max’s stuff—the Interceptor, his camels, his monkey—if Max will kill Master Blaster, the midget who rides an armored giant that controls Bartertown’s power supply.

We’ll pause a moment to laugh at that sentence.

Stuff happens and we end up in THUNDERDOME!!

Two men enter!! One man leaves!!

It’s like Clue—it was Mad Max, in the Thunderdome, with a chainsaw.

Max decides to be honorable and that gets him kicked out of Bartertown, which leads to him finding a tribe of Barbarian children. More bonkers shit happens, Max goes into legend, and Tina Turner sings a song.

Again: Tina Goddamned Turner

This flick has an interesting anecdotal history. The rumor is that George Miller had an idea to do a post-apocalyptic version of Lord of the Flies, and the kids would eventually be found by an adult. Someone suggested that the adult be Mad Max, and they started the creation of the movie.

What’s true is that they wrote the part of Aunty Entity for Tina Turner specifically without knowing if she’d actually do it.

This one was criticized for being very “Hollywood”, and it does have that feel—it’s not as gritty as the earlier films, and it lacks a lot of the automotive action sequences (the one it has is really badass though), but the Thunderdome more than makes up for it.

The tribe of feral children is so weird, though. Like...what? Anyway.

There’s also a cameo by Bruce Spence as the plane pilot, which is nice. If you look closely, one of Max’s eyes is dilated from the injuries he suffered in Road Warrior, but he’s no longer wearing the knee brace. Continuity!!

Of the three classic Mad Max movies, I’d rate this one second (Road Warrior, Thunderdome, Mad Max). It’s enjoyable, but a little Hollywood. By this time, Mel Gibson was a rising star, with Gallipoli and The River under his belt. This was also the last movie he did before Lethal Weapon, which launched him into the stratosphere.

Join us tomorrow, when we review the greatest action film ever made—Mad Max: Fury Road.

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Mad Max 2: the Road Warrior

And lo, there was badassery.

A few years after Mad Max, the sequel was unleashed unto the world. In Australia, it was released as Mad Max 2. But the first film didn’t have as widespread a release, the film was released in America as The Road Warrior.

This film picks up around five years after the first. The world is an apocalyptic hellscape. Max cruises the wasteland searching for the fuel he needs to keep the Interceptor moving.

Also he has a road doggo, thus making this the most important film of all time.

It also features Vernon Wells as Wez, the greatest henchman of all time, and second-in-command of the homoerotic bondage cult that pervades the film.

Not pictured: assless chaps (you’re welcome)

After a chance with the Gyro Captain, Max is led to a camp where the inhabitants are producing gasoline. They’re also under siege by Lord Humungus, a rather large fellow clad in a leather banana hammock and a hockey mask.

Purveyor of the Wasteland’s hottest rhymes and most fire beats

Max makes a deal to bring a rig to haul away their gas, and ends up getting into a bit of a tussle with Humungus’ goons.

I’m intentionally downplaying it because human language isn’t capable of describing the sheer, steel-balled awesomeness of this movie.

Mel Gibson returns as Max, grizzled and beat down and trying to survive. You’ll notice that Max has a knee brace on. This is a direct result of an injury in the first movie. Max’s injuries in this movie carry over into the third movie as well. MM2 also features noted Aussie actor and genuine treasure Bruce Spence as the Gyro Captain...

“Ladies.”—Bruce Spence, every goddamned time he walks into a room

And someone named Emil Minty as the Feral Kid.

Ape shall not kill ape

Why mention the Feral Kid? He’s gonna come up later.

It’s also the second appearance of one of the silver screen’s greatest and most iconic cars, the V8 Interceptor.

“Vroom Vroom”—translation: “Ladies.”

This movie also begins the weird tradition of destroying the Interceptor in every damn movie.

Mad Max 2: the Road Warrior really helped cement the world of George Miller’s post-apocalypse. It’s also one of those rare sequels that are better than the original. The action scenes are rad as hell, and it’s just a gorgeous flick.

Tomorrow, join us as we enter the Thunderdome!!!

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MAD MAX, pt. 1

After the success of our Death Race series, we here at Ace’s Reviews decided to tackle the original car action series: MAD MAX!!

This will be a five part series. “But wait,” I hear you say! “There’s only four movies, you dingbat!” Yeah, there are, but we’re gonna throw the video game in there too. That review is also going to include our theories about how the timeline fits together.

We try to keep things spoiler-free around here, but that’s gonna be difficult this time around, so consider yourself warned: spoilers ahead for a 41-year old movie!!

So, without further ado...MAD MAX.

Sometime in the near future, mankind is on the brink of collapse. But even in this chaotic time, there are those who fight for law and order. Onto these roads streaks a stolen police interceptor unit, driven by the escaped Nightrider. And the only one who can stop him? Max Rockatansky.

smol Mel is smol

Max is the top driver of the Main Force Patrol, and succeeds in stopping Nightrider’s rampage...but this puts the MFP ans Max right in the sights of Nightrider’s gang, led by Toecutter.

Misnomer! Number of toes cut in this film: 0

Charming and charismatic, Toecutter begins his assault on the MFP, which results in the death of Jim Goose (Max’s parter, who is not an actual goose).

Spoiler alert: if you’re a sidekick named Goose, you are DOOMED

Max tries to escape the vendetta, but manages to cross paths with Toecutter again—this time with disastrous consequences, as Max’s wife and child are killed by the gang.

Enraged, Max heads back to MFP headquarters and commandeers the black-over-black, the last of the V8 Interceptors.

“The real star, amirite?”—the Interceptor, from his massive estate

With this super powered car available, Max is able to hunt down the rest of Toecutter’s gang and just murder the shit out of them.

He gave that dude a choice: saw off his own foot or die in a fiery explosion. Max is not fucking around.

Max then heads into the sunset...just before everything goes straight to hell.

“I should stock up on Visine.”—Max, internally

George Miller ans Bryon Kennedy got the idea for Mad Max while working in hospitals all over Australia. Their original intention was to make a “silent film with sound”, where the spectacle was paramount. They were able to stretch the budget and make an action flick for the ages.

This movie also introduced the world to Mel Gibson. There’s an anecdotal story that Mel drove a friend to the audition the day after he was in a bar fight. He was told to come back because they needed freaks. When he came back they were stunned by his handsomeness and ability, so they had him audition for Max...and the rest is history. George Miller and Mel have both refuted this claim, but it’s still nice to think about.

Mad Max is a bare-bones action film, but conveys its awesomeness with efficiency and brutality. The apocalypse is just around the corner and I think everyone knows it.

Two weeks after the events of this film (in the world of Mad Max), the bombs drop and the apocalypse begins.

Join us tomorrow for Mad Max 2: the Road Warrior!!

#mad max #mel gibson #review

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TOMORROW:

BE HERE.

#MadMax