allmyassociatedramblings

[allmyassociatedramblings]

Could have used this a few weeks ago 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

GO TEAM!

Reasons to meet your metamours

for people with polyamorous partners, in open relationships, or practicing relationship anarchy…

Tip: It’s polite for pre-existing metamours to extend the invitation first to new metamours.

Eliminates the scary unknown … What you imagine about the other person can often grow into something threatening, where the reality is probably something more human and relate-able. Are you worried that your metamour is better looking? Smarter or more charming? That your partner loves them more?

When you are able to meet and verify that your metamour is, in fact, a human being, then the imagined threat is revealed to be actually imaginary.

BONUS! If you’re paying attention, you might get a glimpse of what makes you so awesome in your partner’s eyes when you get to see what makes your metamour awesome in your partner’s eyes too.

Expands your support circles … When life throws a curve ball, now you have a bigger cavalry. Soup when you’re sick, someone to check the mail while you’re away, bigger parties… the potential is infinite

Creates an additional point of connection with your partner … Having a friendly knowledge of your metamour opens an opportunity for your partner to share new parts of their life. A person who insists on keeping everything separate means your partner needs to keep those parts of their heart private from you.

It reduces the risk of (1) lying, and/or (2) triangular (mis)communication … Don’t get me wrong, your partner is great! But no one wants to be the messenger carrying messages that could get them killed, figuratively speaking. Which makes it ever so tempting to just not tell, or soften the message and miss the point. If your partner knows that you and their metamour are on speaking and even friendly terms… then they already know up front there can be no secrets.

Human decency … What are you chicken? Do you actually want to be a stand-offish person? Do you think you’re better than other people? No. In fact, your better than that. So put your royalty on, smile and stick out your hand, and at the very least, introduce yourself. 

[allmyassociatedramblings]

FFS dude, don't tell me you are coming home and then hit up your girlfriend to see if you can crash at her place, then wait around the bar for an hour hoping she will get back to you. Obviously that's going to make me feel like shit when I was looking forward to you coming home.

#bad poly #husband #He's going to come home and keep trying to flip this around on me too. #We are so fucked

[allmyassociatedramblings]

I’m terrible about posting here, but I’m still here. My husband is downstairs right now with the most amazing woman. She’s six years younger than me and lifetimes older. She gets me. More importantly right now, she fucking gets him. She always has. She’s one of the first people he dated when we opened up, and she will be with someone for awhile, but she keeps coming back. I like her so much. I hope they are having really good sex downstairs right now. <3 

[allmyassociatedramblings]

I owe you an apology. I did a terrible job of communicating what I was actually thinking/feeling here. I read your tags about how the two guys you’ve been seeing balance each other out and are bringing some much needed (and deserved, IMHO) fun and fulfillment into your life, and it gave me poly/non-monogamy feels. It gave me those feels because in my life that is the context in which I experience such things.

I never meant to suggest that what you were doing was polyamory (but I totally get how it might have seemed like that was what I’ve been saying). I think instead all I was trying to say was that’s how I do poly? You are casually dating people, something I have extremely limited experience with. I’m married to a guy I started dating in High School . The only context in which I’ve casually dated people is poly, the only context in which I’ve dated as an adult is in poly!

I shouldn’t have brought your experience into this. I should have said what I was feeling. I was ignorant of the specifics of your experience and I’m afraid I came off as incredibly dismissive of it. I’ve been reading your blog and I know your ex is an abusive asshole. It makes me incredibly angry that he pressured you into a relationship that you weren’t comfortable with. That’s not poly, there’s no love in that, only abuse and manipulation. 

You are not a bad person. You are working hard to get your life back, to figure out what you want, to find yourself again. There is absolutely nothing wrong or stupid about wanting one person to give your heart to. I’m so so sorry if I said something to make you question that. 

Good possibility of snuggles with Alex this weekend. I could really get used to this whole cute boy rotation plan.

#foot in mouth disease #some day I will learn to think before I respond to things #and say what I mean #and not respond to things before noon after waking up from a codeine cough syrup coma

[allmyassociatedramblings]

IIRC you had a bad experience with poly in your last relationship, but IMHO THIS is how poly is supposed to feel. 

Good possibility of snuggles with Alex this weekend. I could really get used to this whole cute boy rotation plan.

#This made more sense with all of your tags #I hate having to reblog to reply to stuff like this #Not trying to push poly on you at all for the record #I know these are new and casual relationships #Just making an observation :-) #Maybe this should have been a message but that always feels so direct

[allmyassociatedramblings]

IMHO, I'd be FAR more concerned by my hypothetical daughter typing a message like that, holy shit. Also you are sexist as fuck anon, good luck with that.

how wud u feel if ur daughter ended up bangin 2 guys in the same house like u r? Wud that b ok with u, or wud u want better 4 her? I understand it if u want ur son to be as lucky as ur bf and hubs, cause who doesnt want their boy to get good love but ur daughter? Do you want her to be DTF for any guy who comes around, like her mama?

—

WOW, Anon.

I kept reading this, and the more I read, the worse it got.  Let me see if I understand your concern trolling, though.

1)  I should be concerned if my daughter was in a situation similar to the one I am in (an M-F-M poly relationship, which is actually the most common according to research).  If I would not be horrified for her, I should be, because she should deserve better (whatever better might be).2)  If my son had two lovers, that would be acceptable, because he’s male and he should want more…(I don’t know, variety in his sex life? More women to provide for?  No clue)3)  Apparently, because I have two men I am in love with and am involved with sexually (the only two men I’ve ever been involved with, BTW, you’ve labeled me as down-to-fuck any dude who shows up…which would be severely disappointing for a man who showed up here with that expectation, because he’d be promptly sent on his way, probably with a smarting jaw or bruised balls.

My daughter is welcome to the exact same amount of sexual agency as my son, and while I hope (personally) that they will be old enough to make mature decisions about sex before they start down that road, that’s just my hope.  I also, personally, would be happier if they were only sexually intimate with those they were emotionally invested in, but I know that’s a bias of mine, and not one I can force on them.  All I can teach them is to be safe, have consent, and respect their partners.Also, if either of my children end up lucky enough to have two beautiful life-partners who treat them like they hung the fucking moon in the sky?  I don’t think they could do better?

#what a slut shaming trash person #thank god I don't get asks like this #sexism #slut shaming

[allmyassociatedramblings]

your relationship is wrong and disgusting. im sorry. i understand love is love but you cant love 2 people. human nature wants affection from one person and when you get that affection you get possessive. so when how do you feel when you see your other partners kiss each other? if they spend more time with each other than you? humans dont work like they way you are trying to do.

thanks for your input! you’ve got some intense insecurity going on; it sounds like you’ve maybe had some really bad luck with partners/relationships and I’m sorry about that. I hope in time you can get to a healthier, more secure place.

to counter your judgment of my life, which is really unnecessary btw, you need to work on yourself first to fix those issues, here’s some adorable pics of us STEWING WITH SECRET INTENSE JEALOUSY AND HARMING EVERYONE AROUND US WITH OUR WRONG AND DISGUSTING LIFESTYLE: 

wow. after going through all these memories, i have to say you’re right. the last 3 years of my life have been unnatural. UNNATURALLY ADORABLE!!!!

#y'all are too cute

[allmyassociatedramblings]

This is an excellent response to a really shitty anon. I like how they put poly in scare quotes too.

So, you're apparently mentally ill, so is your husband and the other guy you are sleeping with. Don't you think that says something about the kind of people who end up in “poly” relationships?

Hello,angry anon!

Yes, Ithink it says a lot. Here’s what I think it says:

  * thata good portion of the American population deals with mental illness

  * thathaving partners who have struggled with their own mental illnessesare more able to be sympathetic to my issues and work with me toformulate a plan on how best to work together

  * thathaving someone you can “tap out” to so you can take a neededbreak, so that all of W’s ADD problems aren’t mine to help him with,and all of H’s depression doesn’t fall on me, and all of my bipolarcan get shared on both sets of their (lovely) shoulders means we haveless burnout

  * Ithink we are more open to talking about things. Because dealinghonestly with mental illness requires it and because having a healthypoly relationship requires it, we’ve become quite good at nippingthings in the bud.

Thanksfor asking, though!

-Rhian

#heavens to betsy #what a shitlord

[allmyassociatedramblings]

Reblog this post if you are Polyamorous

I’ll leave a little gift in your inbox/submit too!

This is for a study :)

Masterpost

[allmyassociatedramblings]

SoulmateS

Why should we have only one soulmate ? 

What is that concept, on the 6 billions of humans and the long years we may pass on Earth, to look for only one unique person ? 

I have one soulmate I love to live with - which I know I knew from previous lives ; there is a few soulmates who consistently tickle my sexual fancies ; there were a few soulmates I’ve been romantically involved who were perfect match for a precise time in my existence - but then no more. I don’t see why we should look for just someone perfect, or necessary, who would stay that ideal of soulmate from our teenage to our old age - not even for a dozen of years…

I host so many facets of different personalities and ages within my self. I do not expect anyone to be able to embrace them all.

#Agreed

[allmyassociatedramblings]

I'm having so many feels and I'm not even getting my period! 

Found out on Sunday that one of my partners is eloping with their primary early next week. I'm so happy for them. Their partner is wonderful, they are wonderful together. I've only ever known them together so in a way it's hard for me to imagine that they've ever not been together. If that even makes sense. They are just that good together. I know they are going to have a wonderful life and I hope I always know them, I hope I can be a part of that wonderfulness for as long as possible. 

There are a lot of emotions though. I'm always joking I'm a reformed narcisist because honestly it's true. I don't know if other people struggle as much as I do with this. I feel like I have to remind myself far too often that not everything is about me. I mention this because honestly there is a little part of me that wants to be a part of this, wants to be involved, a tiny part that feels left out. I know this is silly! Our first date was less than two weeks from my own wedding, and I had already been legally married for months. They weren't invited to our wedding because we met barely two weeks before the out of town event. This changes nothing about our relationship. 

I think I need to learn that it's ok to feel these feelings. That I can feel them and have this thought process about them is not a failure! I think my inclination is to beat myself up for feeling this way in the first place, and that's the issue, not that I can't keep these feelings from popping up. 

Part of the feels are residual too. I make kraut with my mom yesterday and was talking to her about some of my partners. My boyfriend was also still here when she got here, and it was probably pretty obvious he had spent the night. She says she's still really worried about all of this open relationship stuff. She says she's worried because she doesn't want my marriage to fail, and she doesn't see how it can succeed this way. It's distressing to me that she's so convinced that the only way to have a healthy, long lasting relationship is through monogamy. She keeps chalking this up as something that is "new" and she's just too old fashioned to understand. I want to tell her there are people her age who have these relationship structures. What's changing is that these people are feeling less like they need to hide and pretend. People are seeing this increased visibility and realizing that they don't have to try to cram themselves into societies mold of what you are supposed to do if it doesn't fit. 

This whole process of coming out to my mother has been kind of exhausting. I try not to get too discouraged because I know she is trying and I know I am lucky to have a parent that sees me as I am and is willing to accept me . I just hate that she worries. I hate that the only thing I can do is go on with my life. I want to show her that she's wrong, but I know that's not the way forward either. This isn't about her. It's about me and my husband and what makes us happy. It's about following my bliss and being open to loving and being loved. 

#marriage #polyamory #feels #non monogamy #open relationship #personal

[allmyassociatedramblings]

This January I’ll be doing a variation on The Non-Monogamous 14 Day Challenge. Each day I’ll share a post answering 1 of 28 questions about my personal relationship to nonmonogamy. Feel free to play along with me! I’ll be tagging everything “nonmonogamy challenge” too. Here are the questions:

...

[allmyassociatedramblings]

I'd feel like my partner wasn't really comfortable with the idea at all and that that sort of arrangement could be really uncomfortable for whoever I was trying to have sex with. And I say that as someone who has made that kind of concession, but that was only because I felt like I would be cheated on if I didn't agree, and later on I found out I had already been cheated on. I understand that this is my experience, that it might be possible to have that arrangement without the messed up trust issues I had, but that being my experience I wouldn't fuck another lady if her partner had to watch. That just sounds like trouble I don't need.

Question for all of you out there

If your significant other told you that you could have a girlfriend, but if you participated in sex they had to watch how would you feel?

[allmyassociatedramblings]

I'm alive!

Sorry for the lack of posts, summer is my work season. Turns put being gone during the week most of the summer is even more of a scheduling nightmare when you are dating multiple people! My boyfriend is out on a date tonight and I'm nervous! I haven't had to share him much in the last few months. I think I just fear change.

[allmyassociatedramblings]

THEY DO!!!!! I love this so much!

[allmyassociatedramblings]

What's been the most challenging thing about non-monogamy?

Truly embracing the fact that if I want something different out of my relationships, it’s on me to communicate those desires or seek out partners who want to satisfy them. That I’m not a passive victim of other people’s whims, but in a position to change things if I want them to be different. I know I know this all, but I still forget it sometimes.

[allmyassociatedramblings]

narcissustea replied to your post: My heart is a fool

Mine, too. Let me tell you about my fool heart. I’m in love with a boy who doesn’t love me and I can’t stop.

My heart is similarly foolish. It seems to be particularly interested in unavailable people. I've always been this way, fallen too hard, too fast, too often. I had hoped that polyamory would make this tendency easier to live with because I could just embrace that and accept it as part of who I am, and in some ways it has. It's still really hard though, and every time someone I knew better than to fall in love with lets me down, I wonder all over again why I can't just learn not to fall in love.

I haven't heard from one of my long distance lovers in nearly a week. He disappears sometimes without explanation and every time he does I fear I will never hear from him again. Thoughts run through my head that he has grown tired of me and I didn't even mean enough to him to break ties. In the past when he has eventually started contacting me again I've also been too insecure to tell him how hard it is when he doesn't let me know that he isn't going to be able to respond for days. I'm afraid to ask him for anything because I'm worried that if I do I will loose him. I know it's a bad situation, but he means so much to me that I don't really care. 

#narcissustea #I'm a little afraid to post this because he knows about my blog #but i'm going to post it anyway