allthephils

[allthephils]

They’ve made a friend

#dan and phil

[allthephils]

[allthephils]

[allthephils]

OK, listen, I was excited for y’all and for DnP, but I’m so far away from everything now that I wasn’t feeling much for me. And then it hit me, 2023 spooky week! Dear Lord, please tell me they did all this in time to put up a 2023 Spooky week. Fuck yeah, I’m so in.

#dapg #I’m not saying I’m back #but I might be loitering in the alley behind coming back

[allthephils]

I opened my Google docs to look at some thing entirely different and found this draft.  I think I wrote it about a year into the pandemic.  I figured I might as well put it here.

It was inspired by the Perfume Genius song and it was moving toward smut but I never finished it. I miss writing fic.

Your Body Changes Everything.

Phil can feel Dan's eyes on him. He’s propped up on his elbow, no electronics to be found, just watching Phil. He does that sometimes, just stares while his mind drifts. Some people stargaze, Dan has Phil. This is different though because now his lips are on Phil’s shoulder, working their way so very slowly up toward his neck.

“What are you doing?” Phil asks, phone still in hand.

“Getting your mind off of it.”

“Off of what?”

“Whatever is making your brow pinch like that.”

He sets his phone aside and rests his head on Dan’s, reaching under his glasses to rub his eyes.

“Love,” Dan says, “tell me.” He slips his fingers under the waist of Phil’s pants and traces his hipbone absentmindedly.

Phil’s sigh is heavy and exhausted. He’s carried everything inside for weeks, unwilling to burden Dan in the midst of such a challenging time for him. He knows Dan won’t offer anything he isn’t ready to give though and he did ask. So Phil lets it all fall from his shoulders.

“I was just reading the reopening plan for London and it’s so confusing and convoluted.”

“I thought we agreed to never read the news alone,” Dan says.

“We did but I just wanted to make plans. I miss my mum, Dan, and Martyn and my dad. I miss everybody. I want to go to art openings and plays and ride in the expensive Ubers. I miss that bakery with the good cream puffs and the hot guy at the counter that always calls me sweetheart.” He lowers his voice, treading carefully. “And I’m scared you’re going to get really depressed stuck in here or at least sick of me. But I’m also scared everything is going to open too soon and more people will get sick and we'll go back to the start and then I won’t see my mum for ages.” He sucks in a shaky breath. “And I don’t know what to do with my live shows. Or my videos for that matter. I have no new ideas because I’m not fucking doing anything. But I have to post or I’ll just like, fade into obscurity and we’ll starve!”

Dan laughs a little, “okay, too long, didn’t read.”

Phil laughs back but it’s sad and small. “I’m sad and bored and scared.”

“Yeah.” Dan kisses his cheek. “I know bub.”

Imagine your own ending I guess 🖤

#phanfic #Phan #my fic

[allthephils]

I'm thinking about Cornelia's latest Instagram post and the points she made about self editing and the interest of others in our lives when they're not perfect. It has me thinking about how often women in this society self edit and say they're fine when they're not because they're expected to balance the whole world on their shoulders without help. And how we greet each other by asking, "How are you?" (btw let's stop that), but we usually don't want a genuine answer to the question. We want to hear everything is fine because we have so much going on ourselves that we need other people to just be ok. And how we look to celebrities/social media influencers and expect perfect and how we're shown perfection because, like Cornelia, they're self editing to show us a magical life so we'll think they've got everything figured out or, in some cases, so we'll buy the thing they're selling so we can have a perfect life too. Cornelia wonders if anyone would be interested in her genuine self, which is a sad concept to consider. I would think being genuine would build community, seeing that no one has that perfect life, and even that we could all use some help. Maybe being open about that could start a conversation that would lead toward our being able to ask for or offer that help. Anyway, no complete and brilliant thoughts here just fuck the patriarchy and also capitalism.

#I love this woman

[allthephils]

You should have an Over the Garden Wall watch party

#not phil but I think he’d approve #over the garden wall #personal

[allthephils]

In these trying times, I recommend a handful of tech deck trucks

#so satisfying #yes I came back just to post this #i have paint on my hands #sound on

[allthephils]

Rest In Peace Olivia ✨

Honey-dew

G, 4989 words

For @ahappydnp Happy birthday Keelin! 🖤🖤🖤

Dan is a painter who has lost his inspiration. Phil is a muse on roller skates.

Read on AO3

Note: Listen Keelin, it’s your fault I rewatched Xanadu the other night and it’s your fault I sat down and wrote this in one sitting. I don’t even know if it’s good cuz I jus wrote it and I haven’t stepped away enough to really be able to see it. What I can say is, it was fun, and it was written with love, cuz you’re rad. I hope you have a great birthday!

#my fic #phanfiction #xanadu

[allthephils]

happy birthday!!!! 🎂🎁🎉🎊🎈 🥳

Thank you 🖤

[allthephils]

Happy Birthday! Hope you have a lovely day! 🎉🎊🎉

Thank you! It was nice and chill.

#my birthday

[allthephils]

Omg! Happy birthday!

I really do. Thank you so much!

#my birthday

[allthephils]

Hi Cindy! Happy birthday, I hope you have a good one!

Oh this is so sweet :( I’m barely here and I still got a birthday wish. Thank you!

#my birthday

[allthephils]

Im so excited that so many are newly discovering the genius that is Kate Bush. As an old who has listened to her consistently for literally decades, may I offer my own list of recommended listening? I also recommend reading the lyrics when you listen. She’s an incredible storyteller. Feel free to add faves if you have them. 🖤

Sat in your lap

Get out of My House

Wuthering Heights

The Dreaming

Cloudbusting

The Kick Inside

Jig of Life

This Woman’s Work

Waking the Witch

Under Ice

Kite

Houdini

Breathing

#Kate Bush #not phil though I think he’d approve

[allthephils]

Happy Pride Y’all

Hello. Happy first day of Pride month. Just dropping by to thank this little community for giving me room to grow in unexpected ways and leading me to the love of my goddamn life. Katie, aka @doineedtohaveawordwithyou, and I plan to grow old together in as many cliché lesbian ways as we can muster. We’ve already cleared a long distance relationship, fast pass to commitment, and healthy adult communication off the bingo card. We’ve penciled in a cross country move, antiquing, and baby goats.

Now on to the uncomfortable mom style sincerity. You’ve been warned.

Queer people are fucking strong. We do not have an easy road. Pride is about rebellion, protest, and queer joy but just for this first day, I want to talk to those of you who may feel like those things are way out of reach.

All that it gets better talk probably sounds like bullshit. What they don’t tell you is that it may take a really long time. What they don’t tell you is that life will keep happening along the way and lots of really wonderful things will happen alongside just the most horrific shit you can imagine. It’s not linear, it’s not progressive, and it’s never easy. It will be awful and good all the time. But if you give yourself to others, you will find people. You really will. And the good shit will be worth it. There are moments that will make every other thing worthwhile. I promise you. This is me asking you to be patient and stay here. If you ever have a moment where you don’t think you can do it anymore, come here to this silly little place, and find your people. Because someone wants you to be here even if you don’t know it. Even if you’ve never spoken to them. If you feel alone, come and find someone. come and ask just one person if you matter to them. You do. I promise you matter. I promise you aren’t too much or not enough. You are just fine and you will only get better. The things you criticize about yourself will become some of your favorite qualities. You’ll just have to trust me on this. Fun fact about me, I’m very old. And I have changed so much in my life. On paper, I was a much better person in my younger days, but I like myself so much more now.

It can feel like any good days are behind you. You may know for sure that there is no point or no hope. But that is not true. Your brain lies to protect you. It’s trying so hard to spare you pain. Tell it hi, I hear you but respectfully, I’d like to keep trying. Tell it thank you, I’m here if you want to explain why your telling me this. Tell it whatever it needs to hear to rest for now. And then come find someone. Just please stay.

I hope it goes without saying that professional help is out there. Please reach out and find help in whatever way is available to you.

Visit the Trevor Project or call them at 1-866-488-7386

You can quickly exit their website by clicking anywhere three times quickly. 

Please stay. Please just stay.

#tw:self harm #not phil though I think he’d approve #long post

[allthephils]

Hey Cindy, just wanted to stop by and say that I've loved your fic and seeing your sewing projects and just your overall gentle kindness. Be well!

Thank you Megan. What a lovely and kind thing to say. 🖤

#ask

[allthephils]

Hello beautiful people, I’m not really here anymore and I don’t know if I’ll be back. I’m not going to delete because I still love our boys and I’m hoping people will still read my work and enjoy my page if they want to. In the meantime, I do have another blog where I post sewing projects and occasionally though rarely, original writing. If you would like to keep up with me, I will link that here. Take care of yourselves. 🖤