alumberjake

[alumberjake]

The Great Toilet Paper Shortage of 2014

    What do we know about desperation and depression?  Have you brushed up against the cruel realities of life after high school.  Well let me tell you a story that will make you cringe.  This is the story of the toilet paper shortage of 2014.

     It all started around late November to early December.  It was something as simple as just running out of toilet paper, but then it evolved into something even worse.   This wasn’t just one day or two, it was almost a week.  It was so bad that my roommate even sent this text as a war journal type entry of our misfortune. 

Day 4: Still no toilet paper in the house. We are beginning to go barbaric by using Runza napkins and showering away the poo. This is how I imagine how the great wars were like. I am sensing the standoff will soon be over. Jake is beginning to break after pressure put on him by his girlfriend. I hope someday I will be able to poop in my own home again. But until then I shall pray.

     As you can see this is a plea from a desperate man.  I responded with my own sad text.

Day 5: Still no toilet paper. I fear soon tensions will boil over into violence. Christian has done his best to find alternatives including stealing from the men’s room at school. Gomez is still holed up in his room with his woman. I fear what is next. Winter is coming.

      Don’t fret readers, everything was resolved after I sent that text when I bought a roll of tp.  You may ask why would it take this long to get something as basic as toilet paper?  Well there’s two answers to that, 1) We all were very busy with our lives and simply didn’t remember to pick up some toilet paper.  2) We’re all a little lazy…

      The moral of the story; don’t procrastinate.  It could end up with you finding weird alternative ways to clean yourself. 

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