beverlycrushes

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Doctor Beverly Crusher

Star Trek: Picard - Seventeen Seconds

#mood board

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Star Trek: PICARD  ➢ Seventeen Seconds

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One thing I wish we’d gotten in this scene was when he says like, “I wouldn’t have been my father,” I feel like she should have been like, “That doesn’t mean you would have been a better father or even a decent one. You could have still been a lousy parent and husband in your own way.” 

It’s harsh but I feel like he needed to hear that. 

#picard season 3 #picard #jean luc picard #beverly crusher #picard spoilers

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Crusher

Star Trek: Picard - Seventeen Seconds

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so what if jack had been a girl? would beverly have just gone with jackie or?? felisa? isabel? cheryl? yvette? some trendy 24th century name like emyi?

#star trek picard #picard spoilers #beverly crusher #star trek tng #crusher x picard #jack crusher #jean luc picard

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Jean-Luc furrowed his brow at a thought that had crept into the lull of their conversation. “You said he went to school in London…that’s so close to…” “France. Oui, I know,” Beverly said. “I thought..if he changed his mind…” “I cannot reconcile the peculiarity of being a stranger to someone who carries my DNA. And what if he had come to La Barre? I could have walked by him in the village—my son—and not given him so much as a second glance.” “He would have known you,” Beverly said without hesitation. “I played your old logs while I was pregnant, and I swear he was listening for you from the moment he was born. You put him to sleep so many nights.”

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Jean-Luc furrowed his brow at a thought that had crept into the lull of their conversation. “You said he went to school in London…that’s so close to…” “France. Oui, I know,” Beverly said. “I thought..if he changed his mind…” “I cannot reconcile the peculiarity of being a stranger to someone who carries my DNA. And what if he had come to La Barre? I could have walked by him in the village—my son—and not given him so much as a second glance.” “He would have known you,” Beverly said without hesitation. “I played your old logs while I was pregnant, and I swear he was listening for you from the moment he was born. You put him to sleep so many nights.”

#star trek picard #picard spoilers #star trek fanfic #beverly crusher #jean luc picard #star trek tng #microtreks #picard x crusher #picrusher #star trek picard fanfic

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Mothering Fatherless Sons

“I do not expect a single conversation after twenty years to provide all the answers, Beverly. But I do not have another twenty years to spend asking questions.” 

She said nothing but held his gaze. Her silence had been a deafening echo in his ears for decades. Being in the same room with it now cut through his skull. 

He felt himself tremble before his voice did. “Perhaps I’ve said enough—too much, more likely. I think it’s time for me to listen.”

When he saw her eyebrow raise ever so slightly, he nearly laughed but caught himself. But he couldn’t hide the relief at seeing a flicker of the woman he knew—that he loved. And that, once, had loved him.

She folded her arms across her chest and closed her eyes. He wanted to reach out and take her hand and it took all his strength not to. When the sound of her silence started to thrum louder, he closed his eyes against it. 

When she finally spoke, it was not the shock blast he had expected her to unleash—deservingly—onto him. Her voice was soft but laced with a coolness that barely hinted at the warmth it used to carry.

“I refused to spend our child’s life being held hostage by the constant threat of losing you,” she said, holding herself with an almost inhuman stillness. “I could not look into another son’s eyes and tell him that his father was dead. But I already knew how to be a mother to a fatherless son.” 

“You were not the only one afraid of pain, Beverly,” he heard himself say. He expected her to hush him, but she waited. He sighed and dared to take the smallest half-step toward her. “I knew what it was like to look into a mother’s eyes and tell her the father of her child was dead. That it was my fault that she was going to have to raise a child on her own…

“Jean-Luc,” she said, offering him a tender crumb. “You know I don’t blame you—”

“But I blame myself.”

She was silent again, but it wasn’t anger. As he studied her face, which was all at once familiar and foreign, he saw only exhaustion.

“How can I make you understand?” she said. “I didn’t blame you for giving Jack a choice—I blamed him for making the one that he did. And I know that you would have made the same choice for yourself, that you had made that choice, and that you would make it again and again and again.”

She exhaled a shaky breath but held steady. “That’s what I blamed you for. The only thing harder than telling your child that their father is dead is trying to explain that he chose to take that risk.”

He watched her eyes darken at the memory. When she spoke again, her voice was wearier. “You wanted me to blame you to protect Jack. And if one day it had been you, there would have been people lined up on that ship willing to take the fall to protect you. But it wouldn’t have mattered because I wouldn’t have blamed you.”

He felt his hand start to move from his side, being pulled to hers by the sheer force of gravity. Stopping it made his muscles seize as though he’d been dealt a blow. 

“With Jack, I was too naive,” she said, her eyes downcast. “I knew it could happen to anyone, but I didn’t really know it could happen to us.”

She looked up to make sure he was still looking at her, and he was, and he didn’t think he would ever be able to stop. 

“But if I subjected myself to that pain again knowing full well that the odds were against me—against us—then it would have been my own damn fault.”

“Beverly,” he whispered, not asking anything, not saying anything. It was just to calm himself with the way her name felt in his mouth. 

She let her arms unfurl but didn’t reach for him. Almost by instinct, a hand hovered across her middle before settling at her side.

“I wouldn’t have blamed myself for your death, Jean-Luc. But I would have blamed myself for making our child live through it.”

#picard spoilers #picard season 3 #jean luc picard #beverly crusher #crusher x picard #picrusher #star trek tng #star trek picard #star trek fanfic #star trek fic #microtreks

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Gates McFadden - The Edge of Night (1982)

Gates’ Scenes (x)

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#gates mcfadden #beverly crusher #picard #picard season 3 #star trek tng #star trek the next generation

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Edited a bit in her part when I put it up on ao3/ff.net!

Trying to Get Inside Beverly Crusher's Head After Picard S3E3 and Then This Happened

She knew something was different. 

It wasn’t the sex—or the fight. He’d quickly learned where she was sensitive and how to use that knowledge to bring her pleasure and pain.

When her knees audibly cracked as she swung her legs over the edge of the bed, they both laughed. 

That’s it, she thought. We’re just getting old. 

When her hand hovered over her pelvis where he liked to lay his head, she was stricken. Old…but not old enough. 

The last time she’d not been old enough was so many lives ago, with a village boy she didn’t even know or like. And then, it had been that she was too young, too afraid of the unknown. 

Now, she wasn’t old enough to be too old, and she knew too much. 

She knew it did not have to be. She knew she had a choice. But it was only now, with the peculiar feeling of otherness within her that she realized how truly alone she was.

She wasn’t getting old—she was old. And she was on her own.

No family. No husband. No son. 

There were people around her who cared about her, but they would not care for her. They would not take care of her because they had families of their own.

But it wasn’t just about being loved. She still had so much love to give. 

Sometimes she felt the softness of Wesley’s tiny hand in hers, Jack’s warm slumbering breath on her neck, the too-perfect beat of Jean-Luc’s mechanical heart against her breast…

That’s what was different. The agony of ungiven love was beginning to ease.

So many people she’d loved she’d lost because she couldn’t save them. So many patients who had needed her she’d lost because she couldn’t heal them.

Maybe she could save herself.

Maybe she could heal herself. 

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Trying to Get Into Jean-Luc Picard's Head and Then This Shit Happened

“You are asking me for an answer that I do not have."

He never would have fathomed it would be the last thing he’d say to her. 

Or that the final image of her embedded in his mind would be of her graying, auburn hair softly swishing across the skin of her back as she turned away from him.

It was being locked in the eternal second of her sudden absence, not all those years of her steadfast presence, that made him understand what he felt. 

He had been foolish. She wasn’t asking if he wanted her—she knew that he did. Not just from the way he gently kneaded the petal of her earlobe while she dozed on his chest. 

She wasn’t asking if he loved her. She knew that he did each time he breathed her name, “Beverly, mon ciel étoilé”—his starry sky.

She had been asking if he needed her. If he needed her the way he needed a ship. The way he needed the stars. 

And when she was standing there before him, bare and furious, he could not imagine what it would be like if she were not. 

He did not know if he needed her because he’d never been without her.

And that had been his answer, unspoken. Perhaps she had not wanted him to say, “Yes, I need you.” 

Perhaps, what she had wanted him to say was, “I do not wish to be without you and find out.” 

She had feared losing him to the stars, then threw herself straight into them to escape him. 

He shut the window so he would not have to look out at the void that mirrored his own. 

He did not know how he would captain a ship without his moral compass. 

Trying to Get Inside Beverly Crusher's Head After Picard S3E3 and Then This Happened

She knew something was different. 

It wasn’t the sex—or the fight. He’d quickly learned where she was sensitive and how to use that knowledge to bring her pleasure and pain.

When her knees audibly cracked as she swung her legs over the edge of the bed, they both laughed. 

That’s it, she thought. We’re just getting old. 

When her hand hovered over her pelvis where he liked to lay his head, she was stricken. Old…but not old enough. 

The last time she’d not been old enough was so many lives ago, with a village boy she didn’t even know or like. And then, it had been that she was too young, too afraid of the unknown. 

Now, she wasn’t old enough to be too old, and she knew too much. 

She knew it did not have to be. She knew she had a choice. But it was only now, with the peculiar feeling of otherness within her that she realized how truly alone she was.

She wasn’t getting old—she was old. And she was on her own.

No family. No husband. No son. 

There were people around her who cared about her, but they would not care for her. They would not take care of her because they had families of their own.

But it wasn’t just about being loved. She still had so much love to give. 

Sometimes she felt the softness of Wesley’s tiny hand in hers, Jack’s warm slumbering breath on her neck, the too-perfect beat of Jean-Luc’s mechanical heart against her breast…

That’s what was different. The agony of ungiven love was beginning to ease.

So many people she’d loved she’d lost because she couldn’t save them. So many patients who had needed her she’d lost because she couldn’t heal them.

Maybe she could save herself.

Maybe she could heal herself. 

#picard season 3 #picard spoilers #beverly crusher #picard x crusher #star trek picard #beverly crusher and jean luc picard #picard s3 #fanfic #star trek the next generation #star trek tng #star trek fanfic #microtreks

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Trying to Get Inside Beverly Crusher's Head After Picard S3E3 and Then This Happened

She knew something was different. 

It wasn’t the sex—or the fight. He’d quickly learned where she was sensitive and how to use that knowledge to bring her pleasure and pain.

When her knees audibly cracked as she swung her legs over the edge of the bed, they both laughed. 

That’s it, she thought. We’re just getting old. 

When her hand hovered over her pelvis where he liked to lay his head, she was stricken. Old…but not old enough. 

The last time she'd not been old enough was so many lives ago. She'd cried when she told Jack. I'm still learning how to be a doctor, I'm still learning how to be a wife, how am I going to be a mother? Back then, not being old enough meant she was too young, too afraid of all that she didn't know.  

Now, she wasn’t old enough to be too old, and she knew too much. 

She knew it did not have to be. She knew she had a choice. But it was only now, with the peculiar feeling of otherness within her that she realized how truly alone she was.

She wasn’t getting old—she was old. And she was on her own.

No family. No husband. No son. 

There were people around her who cared about her, but they would not care for her. They would not take care of her because they had families of their own.

But it wasn’t just about being loved. She still had so much love to give. 

Sometimes she felt the softness of Wesley’s tiny hand in hers, Jack’s warm slumbering breath on her neck, the too-perfect beat of Jean-Luc’s mechanical heart against her breast…

That’s what was different. The agony of ungiven love was beginning to ease.

So many people she’d loved she’d lost because she couldn’t save them. So many patients who had needed her she’d lost because she couldn’t heal them.

Maybe she could save herself.

Maybe she could heal herself. 

#picard season 3 #picard spoilers #beverly crusher #jean luc picard #picard #fanfic #my fics #maybe a fic? #gates mcfadden #patrick stewart #star trek #star trek tng #star trek fanfic #star trek tng fanfic #fanfiction #microtreks #picard x crusher #picrusher

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This. Hurting someone you love because you're desperate not to get hurt again is a human failing and despite her near-Goddess status, Beverly Crusher is human.

Okay, so clearly I’m on the Beverly Crusher defence squad but I have thoughts.

Do I like or agree what she did? Absolutely not. I’m 100% on Picard’s side with that one. He absolutely would have made things work if he’d known.

As for it being in character though, that I’m definitely seeing. She’s lost so many people. She even said it in the episode:

“I lost my parents, then a husband, and the my son Wesley all to the same stars that own you.”

In Attached, part of the reason she was hesitant was implied that it was because she didn’t want to love him and lose him like everyone else (or at least that’s how I’ve seen it). She knows that Picard is unfortunately prone to getting himself into situations where he’s potentially going to die and she couldn’t deal with it anymore.

The not wanting to be a father thing was a cop out though and I definitely didn’t agree with that. She knows he’d be a good parent. She saw that with Wesley on the Enterprise. She acted out of hurt and fear and it was a bad decision.

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*just leaving this gif of beverly crusher saying "that's it baby" here for the next time i am suffering and need motherly encouragement*

#picard season 3 #beverly crusher #picard spoilers #my gifs

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Look, if handing me over to Vadic buys my mother a future then so be it. 

PATRICK STEWART as JEAN-LUC PICARD GATES MCFADDEN as BEVERLY CRUSHER ED SPELEERS as JACK CRUSHER in STAR TREK: PICARD S03E02 “Disengage”