bitterkarella

[bitterkarella]

[bitterkarella]

Midnight Pals: The First Omen

Arkasha Stevenson: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the first omen Stevenson: things about to get real catholic here William Peter Blatty: yes.. ha ha YES!! Stevenson: and even more italian Lovecraft: Lovecraft: oh uh i don't like that

Stevenson: it's about a moribund religious institution forcing a woman to carry a baby against her will set against the political violence of the years of lead Alex Garland: why you hafta get all political Garland: why can't people just make nice films anymore

Stevenson: see the thing about my film is Stevenson: it engages with the moment Garland: oh but i prefer a film that doesn't engage with the moment Garland: hey has anyone here seen adam sandler's you don't mess with the zohan? what a tour de force!! [chef's kiss]

Stevenson: so this american woman goes to rome to become a nun Stevenson: but what she doesn't realize Stevenson: is how incredibly italian everything will be Stevenson: and also its the 70s, which is statistically speaking, the MOST italian time period

Stevenson: like things are SO italian Lovecraft: [sweats] they can't be THAT italian, right? i mean, it's just Lovecraft: just a little bit italian right?? Lovecraft: right???  Stevenson: it's smoking nuns level italian Lovecraft: [sweating intensifies]

Stevenson: but even better, so catholic William Peter Blatty: yes, yes, i like it! Stevenson: there's gonna be this one irish priest- Blatty: that's me Blatty: that guy is me Stevenson: and his accent is SO thick Blatty: that's my OC now

Stevenson: you know what the omen really needed, though? Stevenson: hot hot devil sex Barker: that is true Barker: the omen DID have a severe lack of devil sex Barker: i noticed that when i watched it, kind of a glaring oversight actually

Stevenson: well, don't worry Stevenson: we rectify that in this version Stevenson: we're gonna flash the devil's dick Blatty: whoa you can't flash the devil's dick! Barker: yeah, that's right, you really need to linger Barker: we all want a good look at that

Barker: like, how are we supposed to see anything when you flash it so fast? Frank Belknap Long: oh it's nothing special, it's just a bad dragon model 57a Willowtongue ® the Ent, 2017 Alt-Porn award winner Barker:

Stevenson: now we are retconning a few things about the omen Stevenson: for example, this time damien has a mom Stevenson: instead of being birthed by a dog Barker: oh but that was dean's favorite part Dean Koontz: i wish my mom was a dog :( Barker: kid just really loves dogs

#midnight pals #the midnight society #midnight society #clive barker #dean koontz #william peter blatty #alex garland #frank belknap long #arkasha stevenson

[bitterkarella]

Another aspect of the Gaza Genocide that I want to talk about is the complicity of Internet banking and crowdfunding websites like GoFundMe.

I have seen multiple Gazans raise enough money to leave for Egypt, but the banks and the crowdfunding websites freeze their money or cancel their funds for "suspicious activity" or whatever. Every day that passes in Gaza supplies get more scarce, conditions get more deadly, and the price to cross into Egypt gets more expensive. I've seen people, like ghost-90 here on Tumblr, raise the full amount to get their entire family out of Gaza, but their money gets frozen for so long that the original goal is only a fraction of the price now needed to cross the boarder.

These financial institutions should not be allowed to get away with contributing to the death toll in Gaza. They are intentionally keeping people trapped in a kill zone by withholding money that is rightfully theirs.

I'm so pissed and angry that every avenue for relief for Palestinians is being cut of left and right. It is vile that Gazans are being extorted for 10s of thousands of dollars by the Egyptian gov just to save their family's lives, but even when they play by this corrupt game, the world still finds a way to make them suffer.

My heart is with every Palestinian for the rest of time, from river to sea you will all be free. 🇵🇸❤️

[bitterkarella]

This machine kills AI

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[bitterkarella]

The fact that Microsoft Word has to be a subscription is upsetting. I already paid for it why do I have to pay again

[bitterkarella]

Midnight Pals: the beard is blue

Anna Biller: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of bluebeard's castle Mary Shelley: sup fuckers? Shelley: you telling a gothic story here? Biller: it's not gothic, it just uses classic story telling elements of gothic Biller: it's its own original thing Shelley: oh yeah yeah i'll be the judge of that Shelley: seein' as i invented gothic and all Biller: it's not gothic, it just uses classic-

Biller: it's not like angela's bluebeard story Biller: very different Biller: but let me explain angela's story in detail Biller: blow by blow Biller: for pages

Biller: this woman goes to a spooky secluded manor Biller: like daphne du maurier's rebecca Biller: with a brooding aristocratic husband Biller: like Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights! Biller: and she has a sweet heavenly voice Biller: like urkel!

Biller: this part of my story is a reference to Jane Eyre Biller: you guys might not have heard of it, its pretty obscure Biller: don't worry, i'll just grind the story to a halt so that i can describe jane eyre Biller: and this bit is a reference to dracula Barker: oh my god its like gothic ernest kline Poe: clive, be nice

Biller: anyway eventually she kinda just putters around until her brooding husband poisons her Biller: and there was nothing she could do to avoid it Biller: real girl boss hours

Shelley: what, she just gets poisoned? Shelley: couldn't be me Shelley: if i was there, i would have shivved that bastard but good Biller: UM no actually Biller: that wouldn't work! Biller: there's a whole concluding chapter about how stupid you, the reader, are for thinking she escape Shelley: rip to her but i'm different

Biller: so what do you think? Mary Shelley: i like the bit where you just repeated angela's version Poe: clive Poe: no wait i mean Poe: mary Angela Carter: no no i can see why she might like that part

Biller: the important thing about my work is to know that women and men should stay in their lanes and follow the strict rules of their gender Patricia Highsmith: poison's a broad's thing Biller: excuse me?! Highsmith: that's how a dame does a murder Highsmith: a real man does a murder with his hands Biller: Highsmith: or a boat oar

Highsmith: see, my ripley- Biller: oh god again with the ripley Biller: always with your OC patricia! we're all tired of hearing about your OC! Shelley: no patricia's right, killing a guy with a boat oar is cool Shelley: poison's sissy shit Shelley: i like how ripley does all those murders Shelley: fucker's got style Highsmith: that's what i've been saying!

Anna Biller: see, Bluebeard's castle is all about how men are men (evil) and women are women (stupid) Biller: as opposed to the love witch, which was about how men are men (stupid) and women are women (evil)

#midnight pals #the midnight society #midnight society #edgar allan poe #clive barker #mary shelley #anna biller #patricia highsmith #angela carter

[bitterkarella]

Midnight Pals: Bluebeard

Anna Biller: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of bluebeard's castle Biller: it's about a woman trapped at a secluded castle under the thumb of a mysterious and dangerous nobleman with dark family secerts Biller: but with a feminist twist Biller: the twist is gender essentialism

Angela Carter: that's hardly feminist, anna Carter: now, when i retold bluebeard- Biller: oh you say that now angela Biller: but i got a secret weapon no woman can resist Biller: detailed lists of luxury fashion brands

Biller: did i mention this lady has a prada hat, a valentino dress, and dior boots? Biller: chanel, armani, versace Biller: those names won't mean anything to you men Biller: but to us ladies Biller: oh damn phewww is it hot in here or is it just me?

Biller: in fact, girls, i feel the sudden need... Biller: to go SHOPPING!!! Tabitha King: shopping!!!?! Sonia Greene: eeeee!! shopping!??!! Angela Carter: shopping!?!? Biller: we're all going to the mall!!!!

Patricia Highsmith: ugh pass Biller: what's the matter, patricia? no interest in a girls night out? Biller: i think Biller: someone needs a make-over!!!

Mary Shelley: sup fuckers Shelley: what's this, you tellin a gothic story? Biller: what? it's not gothic! Biller: it's simply a novel that makes use of class story telling techniques of brooding fear, isolation, and dark secrets Biller: and if you think that makes it gothic Biller: well i just don't know WHAT to tell you

Shelley: so it's not a gothic story? Biller: no it simply makes use of classic techniques Shelley: is this like how the love witch wasn't a pastiche Biller: IT'S NOT A FUCKIN PASTICHE Shelley: it's a pastiche Biller: SHUT UP!! Biller: whatever happened to sister solidarity!?

Biller: now my work asks, why do women stay with abusive men? Angela Carter: interesting Biller: could it be because it's kinda hot? Carter: Carter: uhhh

Angela Carter: but anna! what about feminism?! Biller: don't criticize me! Biller: i did it for YOU, all for you!! Biller: sure, your guilty feminist conscience may force you to dote on sensitive new age guys but you know deep down you secretly long for a hot-tempered he-man to slap you around, pull your hair, and rule you like a king!!!

Edward Lee: bro Lee: bro Lee: i'm gonna tame this filly Barker: yeah good luck with that Lee: naw naw it's cool Lee: i like em spicy

Lee: yeah babe i getcha, i hear the love witch was a pastiche Biller: IT'S NOT A PASTICHE Lee: yeah it's a pastiche Biller: IT'S NOT A FUCKIN PASTICHE!!! Lee: [to Barker] this is called negging, bro, works every time

Biller: UGH YOU MEN Biller: you're all the same!! Biller: arrogant! bull-headed! Biller: god why can't i quit you?!?

#midnight pals #the midnight society #midnight society #clive barker #mary shelley #patricia highsmith #anna biller #angela carter #sonia greene #tabitha king #edward lee

[bitterkarella]

[bitterkarella]

Identifying furries by their fursonas

Fox- this is the default fursona for the default furry, namely a twink with a blown out fucked to death asshole

Vixen- Girl fox referred to as a vixen is an egg, girl fox just referred to as a fox is an out trans woman

Kistune - the same as above but weeb flavor

he-wolf - a greasy guy who weighs 12 pounds soaking wet and wears a fedora. republican.

she-wolf - the butchest bull dyke you ever saw

coyote - manic depressive. always on something. the drug connection at any furry party

Cat- always a woman

black cat - could be any gender but always goth

kitten/kitty - a trans sex worker, has an only fans they really want you to know about.

bobcat - older dude. wants people to think he's ex-military

Jaguar - an older black guy. will probably have the word "black" in his fursona's name

lion - just a huge asshole

tiger - another asshole. old. wants you to believe he's ex military or ex-police, probably a member of the dorsai irregulars. major grill dad vibes

jackal - a huge asshole and a slut. white gay racist, probably transphobic

cougar - either a trans woman or a terf. there's no in between

Horse - white woman who identifies as 2 Spirit or a guy who wants to be stomped on

Pony - gay nazi

unicorn - either the absolute gayest dude you can be or a 9 year old girl. sometimes a late in life transition

Tanuki - latino

badger - either a huge lesbian or an old avuncular straight guy. possible sex pest

Raccoon - nature's greatest mistake. too normie to be furry, too furry to be normie. dilf.

bat - either a goth or a real annoying shit (some overlap). invader zim fanboy. doesn't drink alcohol but claims to act crazy on "sugar highs." definitely has dabbled in webcomics

cow - a woman. maternal. mom friend or mommy dom. milf. possibly trans femme

steer - a big strong fat rough trade gay guy

sheep - mom vibes

pretty much any farm animal - mom vibes

domestic pig - wild card. might be a wet and messy fetish thing tho or a trash eating thing. loves to be stinky. loves to talk about being stinky.

wild pig - trans masc

skunk - either a fat beardy guy who has a tumblr blog about animation squash & stretch or a stoner gal. very straight. the straightest. a kinsey 0. has strong feelings about what the fandom used to be like before there were all these kids in it.

rat - is a huge asshole as a front, probably likes talking cigars

lemur - autistic

sloth - 420 blaze it. will never finish any commissions

chakat - an older cishet man who thinks the fandom is too political & refers to "anime" as "japanimation"

sergel - nazi

citra - the biggest dipshit you've ever met

procyon - furry equivalent of the thomas jefferson miku binder pic. you should not be talking to this person, this is a literal child

weasel - a girl with cluster b personality disorders

ferret - a person who has at least one pet ferret, but probably many

mole - this person thinks they're in a beatrix potter story

guinea pig/chinchilla/jerboa/gerbil/any kind of fat rodent you can keep as a pet - the sweetest person you will ever meet

armadillo/pangolin/anteater/aardvark - smug, contrarian. "i just wanna be different"

mouse - vore fetishist, prey. sub.

hyena - vore fetishist, pred. probably trans masc

otter - a dommy twink, possible enby

bear - gay

panda - absolutely a white person pretending to be asian. probably running a gofund me scam with a suspicious story about how they're a professional nintendo gamer who injured their hand or something

bullfrog - a huge fat hairy straight guy

any other frog - inflation or rubber fetishist

axolotl/newt/salamander - genderfluid enby

rabbit - trad wife trans woman

squirrel - autistic and gay

deer - gay

gazelle - zootopia megafan

monkey - punk DIY artist type, definitely loves weed

ape - absolutely baffling. nothing this person does or says makes any sense. you will be left wondering whether you're speaking to a child, a person with severe mental issues, or someone who doesn't have english as a first language

elephant - mom friend

hippo - a fat fetishist or a transformation fetishist

rhino - an older cishet dude who wants to project a curmudgeonly yet approachable aura

kangaroo - definitely not an australian person. extremely focused kinkster, usually feet or inflation. more STDs than should be possible to carry

koala - an asian woman

virginia opossum - anarchist/communist punk trans man who makes zines and/or comics

australian possum - just here to have fun. wants everyone else to be having fun too. wacky funster. (sugar gliders and flying squirrels fall under this category)

any other marsupial - poser

monotremes - extreme poser, don't even bother

doberman- gay dude who tops from the bottom or a cop (there is some overlap)

german shepherd - a nazi or a cop (there is substantial overlap). definitely a furry raider. he will wear his cop uniform to con and after con will post videos pretending that someone was rude to him

afghan - arch femme

basset hound - racist

puppy - sub, probably an egg. extremely draining. cries a lot

all other dogs - just dudes being bros (gender neutral)

dragon - the furries of furries. like to talk about eating "sammiches" and "chocklit." probably an adult baby lifestyler. they will send DMs that just say "hi." they like to RP and when they contact you about a potential commission they are actually just trying to trick you into RP

griffin - the same as above but also a brony

snake - sissy hypno fetishist

turtle - an old man, probably southern. an ironic grandpa.

other scalies - furry in denial. either a child or an old person from CYD. the world's last something awful goons

any fursona with latino vibes - white

any fursona with asian vibes - latino

any fursona with native american vibes - eastern european

avian - girl who's not like other girls. hippie. vegan.

raven/crow - agender voidgoth

chicken - mom vibes

dinosaur - the absolute biggest nerd. probably has an actual degree in paleontology. definitely dresses like miss frizzle.

any invertebrate - not a real furry, their girlfriend just made them get a furaffinity account before they could get ass. either that or they've never even heard of furry, they just came up with the idea of anthropomorphics from first principles. a biology teacher or weirdo (there is some overlap)

amoeba - this is a troll

#furries #fursonas

[bitterkarella]

Midnight Pals: The Magician

W. Somerset Maugham: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the magician Maugham: so there's this evil magician Aleister Crowley: hell yeah Maugham: and he totally blew the big game against McKinley High Crowley: hey Crowley: hey wait a minute

Maugham: anyway this magician in my story? he really sucks Crowley: what are you trying to pull here, man? you making fun of me? Crowley: I'm the great beast! THE GREAT BEAST!!! Crowley: DO WHAT THOU WILT!! Crowley: I'LL STICK YOU IN A LOCKER, NERDLINGER! Maugham: come at me bro

Maugham: c'mon bro Maugham: do it Crowley: Crowley: naw i uh Crowley: i wouldn't want to bruise my punching arm Crowley: right before the big game Crowley: coach says i gotta stay prime

Maugham: also this magician kicks a dog Koontz: what?! no! Koontz: you didn't really kick a dog did you aleister? Crowley: alright that is IT Crowley: this nerd is going DOWN!!

Crowley: whatever, this story sucks anyway Crowley: it's totally just plagiarized Crowley: totally plagiarized from Crowley: Crowley: something, probably Crowley: Crowley: i'm gonna post that call-out

Maugham: yeah this magician just totally choked in the final play, couldn't even score a touch down Crowley: hey wait a second! Crowley: is this story making fun of me?! Barker: oh why would anyone make fun of you, aleister? Barker: you in your big pyramid hat

Crowley: what's wrong with my pyramid hat?! Barker: oh no nothing it's great, you definitely look super cool Crowley: my hat is COOL Crowley: this nerd is TOAST! Leah Hirsig: no babe don't do it he's not worth it Crowley: sorry babe i gotta pound this nerd Crowley: NOBODY MESSES WITH THE GREAT BEAST!

Barker: oo we're all real scared Poe: clive don't provoke him Barker: yeah i'm so scared Barker: so scared of aleister and his big pyramid hat Crowley: [angrily] this is the hat of a man who pulls massive amounts of pussy!!!

Crowley: I get laid ALL the time! Barker: sure pal Crowley: like, SO MANY scarlet women Barker: right Crowley: CHICKS DIG THE PYRAMID HAT! Barker: sure they do Crowley: I Crowley: SHUT UP Crowley: I'LL PUT YOU IN A LOCKER!

Crowley: I'M THE GREAT BEAST! Crowley: girls can't get enough of the pyramid hat! Barker: oh yeah? name two Crowley: well there's leah here Barker: uh huh Crowley: and Crowley: Barker: and? Crowley: SHUT UP i'm thinking

Crowley: there's Victor Neuburg Barker: Barker: victor neuburg huh? Crowley: no i mean Barker: didn't know you had it in you Crowley: it's not like that Barker: sure Crowley: i only fucked him to manifest thoth in a thelemite ritual Crowley: it's not like i like him or anything

#midnight pals #the midnight society #midnight society #clive barker #edgar allan poe #dean koontz #aleister crowley #leah hirsig #W Somerset Maugham

[bitterkarella]

the rest of this blog post is about the chicago cubs but these first two paragraphs are extremely powerful

[bitterkarella]

Midnight Pals: Imagination

Neil Gaiman: [inhaling fresh morning air] ahhhh what a great day for a race! Clive Barker: what race? Gaiman: the HUMAN race Gaiman: i was just thinking of the awesome potential of the human mind Gaiman: and the limitless vista of the human imagination

Gaiman: just imagine! with the awesome power of imagination, YOU are in control of your own fantasies Gaiman: all you need is a pinch of curiosity, a dash of wonder Gaiman: and an ounce of whimsy!! Gaiman: butterfly in the skyyyy Gaiman: i can fly twice as hiiiigh

Gaiman: why, you could imagine anything! Gaiman: you could imagine a clockwork alligator as big as the sky! Gaiman: you could imagine a railroad conductor made of lemon drops! Gaiman: you could even imagine Gaiman: a boy who wears glasses and goes to a wizard school

Rowling: hello children Rowling: my lawyersss inform me there'sss some copyright infringement happening here Gaiman: ah but joanne Gaiman: if you check the time stamps, i'm sure you'll find that Tim Hunter actually PREDATES harry potter Rowling: Rowling: curssse you gaiman Rowling: you win thisss round

Rowling: curssse you gaiman Rowling: not even i am rich enough to overcome the limitsss of chronological time! Rowling: not yet Rowling: but sssomeday Rowling: if only i hadn't ssspent sso much on that fence

Alan Moore: [appearing in a clap of thunder] Behold! The Arch magus! King: the arch magus! Koontz: the arch magus! Lovecraft: the arch magus! Barker: the arch magus! Poe: the arch magus!

Alan Moore: behold! the story of the boy wizard antichrist! Rowling: ALRIGHT i can definitely sssue over this Moore: ah foolish mortal, observe and know... i never specifically SAID harry potter Rowling: Moore: i just said the boy wizard named [mumbles] who goes to school at [mumbles] school of witchcraft and wizardry and fights [mumbles]

Rowling: curse you moore! Rowling: alwayssss one ssstep ahead of the game! Rowling: curssse your plausssible deniability! Rowling: hmmm "plaussible deniability" huh? Rowling: well TWO can play that game...

Rowling: so anyway the nazis didn't actually commit those documented crimes King: gosh joanne that uh kinda sounds- Rowling: oh but you'll notice i never said the word "holocaust" Rowling: haha i'm too sslippery for you! Rowling: johnny law can't keep up! Rowling: they'll never catch JK Rowling with her molted ssskin around her anklesss!

#midnight pals #the midnight society #midnight society #stephen king #clive barker #edgar allan poe #dean koontz #hp lovecraft #jk rowling #neil gaiman #alan moore

[bitterkarella]

[bitterkarella]

everyone should watch "Century of the Self"

Everyone talks shit abt Sigmund Freud (justified) but not enough hatred for his fuckass shithead nephew Edward Bernays who I'd time travel back to beat the fuck out of if I could

[bitterkarella]

Midnight Pals: Child Actors

[mysterious circle of robed figures] JK Rowling: hello children Rowling: did you hear? daniel radcliffe and emma watson sssupport transs rightsss? Rowling: i will NEVER forgive thisss betrayal Rowling: from hellssss heart i ssstab at thee!!!

Rowling: don't they undersstand that I own them? body and ssoul? Rowling: they are ssstill in my thrall! i never gave them clothessss! Rowling: i'm pretty sssure that child actorsss work the sssame way as houssse elvess

Rowling: i mean, if they apologized i would not accept it Rowling: in fact, let me show you how it would play out Rowling: pretend that daniel radcliffe isss sssitting in this empty chair and i'll show you what i'd sssay to him

Rowling: sso daniel, emma we meet again Rowling: you might think you are allowed to have independent thoughtsss but you forget Rowling: your contract sspecifiess that i own you BOTH, body & ssoul, FOREVER Radcliffe: i don't think it says that Watson: yeah that doesn't sound right

Rowling: oh you don't do you?? well then just take a look at Rowling: uhhh Rowling: [rifling through papers] Rowling: i know that claussse is in here sssomewhere

Rowling: what the hell??? thisss contract says NOTHING about perpetual ownership of harry potter actorss! Rowling: how isss thisss possssible??? Rowling: get my lawyer on the phone, they are ssso fired

Rowling: ugh this contract is worthless!! i don't even get perpetual ownership of miriam margolyes! Rowling: you've won thisss round, children Rowling: BUT Rowling: i will fight you on the internet Rowling: it will be a cold day in hell before JK Rowling logsss off

Daniel Radcliffe: trans rights are human rights JK Rowling: ssoundss like ssomething a male predator would sssay Emma Watson: trans rights are human rights Rowling: sounds like ssomething that a confused female would ssay

Rowling: foolish child, we've just commissioned a sstudy that says child actorss brainss don't mature until 21 sso you're not allowed to have opinionss Radcliffe: i'm 34 Rowling: [hastily amending study] did i say 21, i meant 34

Rowling: i'm very concerned about the prosspect of irreverssible damage if former child actorss are allowed to have opinionss, so i'm lobbying the government with my billionss of dollarss to make that illegal Rowling: for their own good, of courssse

Rowling: i mean, emma & daniel might SSAY that they're autonamouss beingss capable of forming their own opinions Rowling: but why should we believe them? Rowling: also i heard there was a former child actor who committed a crime once Rowling: think about it

#midnight pals #the midnight society #midnight society #jk rowling #emma watson #daniel radcliffe

[bitterkarella]

Exposing fascist cartoonist/propagandist Han Kristian "StoneToss" Graebener.