bpd4bpd

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This is once again a miserable existence

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I think it's rllyy pathetic how I can't handle the slightest amount of responsibility before I crumble down and start being a huge cunt to everyone

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#bpd #actually bpd #abused becomes the abuser

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not to be emo but this is a miserable existence

#school takes up so much of my fucking time its like #years of my life are just flying by #i dont wanna be stuck home but i dont wanna be at school u til five😭😭 #i have so little time left in life and i zave no time to olan for the future #bc im just so exhausted all the time #emotionally and physically i guess too?? #and i just wasted a huge chunk of my day regressing #when rlly i should be a caretaker #i barely just finished bday gifts for my friends tomorrow and #tbh i feel like theyre sloppily made #i feel ashamed to give it to them

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*avoids a show specifically so i dont become unhealthily attached to a character*

*fps a literal fictive of him*

#i mean its nice to be proven nice but also. *pokes at brain* did you really HAVE to???? #💲.fp

[bpd4bpd]

*rolls you like a fat blunt* sorry *skinny blunt didnt mean to trigger you you snowflake

#tw ed #edblr #ed not sheeran #thinspo #ana and mia #(OBVIOUSLY A JOKE!!!! i am disordered too)

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just had crazy sex. splendid.

#bpd pride

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anyone else's lack of emotional permanence contributes a LOT to their imposter syndrome?? i know its a bit paradoxical since thats literally a symptom of bpd AND adhd but my silly self likes to grasp at any straws i can to "proof" im faking

#actually bpd #bpd #actually adhd #actually borderline #like when im alone i mostly feel empty and like theres a curtain of apathy #separating me and my emotions #and i use that as a sort of ''gotcha'' that i dont experience 'extreme' emotions which is one of the main symptoms of bpd #even though. i guess a lack of emotions is also an emotional extreme #and then when im w my fp/friend and try to explain to them what i feel like alone #i literally Forget what i feel like and all of my thoughts and my overthinking spirals EVERYTHING #just GONE #like i know i experienced it bc i remember it but i cant put any concrete thoughts abt it together #so then im like ''oh well. if u cant remember your struggles at all then youre faking'' #i feel like this also has a lot to do w me not being able to. recognize myself or my personality or what im like #identity disturbance swag #wow that was a RANT

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#he is literally my other half <33333 for life

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i think we are growing apart and its the end of me because theres no me without him

#i am intrinsically tied to him #i am a devout follower i am a knight in service i am his sidekick and i am his purse dog #:(( #🐀.fp

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i never thought i would be saying this but i miss my acid reflux

#worst anorexic ever (stuck in a binge eating loop) (not even anorexia its ednos)

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duuudeeee i am having REGULAR DREAMS ALMOST EVERY NIGHT with my fps in them like :((( i miss them both so so much arggggg this isnt fair we are a package deal!!! its like a ken without a barbie like what am i supposed to do now. like.

#YES i did see the barbie movie (with them :3) #YES ken is severely bpd coded #the movie itself was a little mid but it was good. like i wouldnt be opposed to watching it again but its not my favourite movie

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im thinking of keeping a track of all the food i eat on this blog to hold myself more accountable and give myself more motivation not to eat

#>:33 hmmm on one hand its a really good idea #on the other hand. its a Really good idea..... #tw ed

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never love an anchor by the crane wives is so me cpded like thats literally me you guys it was written about me

#i am selfish i am broken i am cruel. i am all the things they mightve said to you #OUGUGGHAWWAAAHHHHH #ueueue you dont understand yu guys (i am talking to a brick wall)

[bpd4bpd]

i would kill myself but i have a purpose to serve. my first priority is him, always, and if i cant unburden him of me by killing myself because im scared he would try to kill himself too - then i will do everything in my power to repent and amend for all the pain i caused him

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had an argument and didnt immediately kill myself on the spot. whaddaya know

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i really dont wanna hang out with my friend tomorrow i really dont im so fucking depressed and i want to fucking kill myself and i am stressed about getting there by the train and i.im. i hghghhgghhhhhgh i hope i dont wake up tomorrow i wish i could just kill myself for one year and then come back like nothing happened i wish i could pause time or kill myself or just rot in my bed but i cant i wish i could get high but i dont wanna waste everything in one day