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[brit-kor-french]

So here’s where Max sent me these pictures yesterday (Sunday), and I’m thinking to myself “oh...maybe he’s trying to be friendly again.” And notice how he said “u wanted pics of participants.” 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️ NO, Max...what I wanted was for you to take pictures of your FRIENDS when you are hanging out with them and doing cool things. You are merely taking photos of the people on your pentanque team and trying to pass that off as the same thing 😒😒😒 No Skype call yesterday either. He was too busy watching “basketball games.”

[brit-kor-french]

What in the heck is this?!?!? Does he honestly think I’m THAT stupid?!???

Yeah...lemme take a pic of my fingers and have legs be in the background 🙄🙄🙄 So this was Saturday (2 days ago). So 10am my time - 4pm his. Look when the next message comes

Who the heck comes home from a restaurant at 1am?!?!? Oh yeah...the pucker face photo. If you took it earlier in the afternoon, why didn’t you send it then??? Are you sure that kiss was meant for me? Notice in the 3rd photo how I said “did you have a fun time with your family?” “Yeah, u cud see my uncles legs n my small fingers.” Oh, is that supposed to convince me you were visiting your “family?” 🧐🧐🧐🤔🤔🤔😒😒😒 Also, in the 5th and final photo, notice how he said “wanted to text you a lil.” No Skype call on Saturday either. Notice how he wanted cut the conversation short REAL QUICK when I mentioned how quiet he had become in Skype since Wednesday’s call...

[brit-kor-french]

So at 3:47pm on Thursday (and he had sent me a “have a good day” text when he woke up before he went to work), I get this text from Max. Um...please kindly draw your attention to the first line “people call me Max for short” See, Max’s full French name is Maxime. Uh...Max...despite you not knowing how to spell my first name, I dag gone know your name 😡🤬😡 who else thinks this message was meant for some other person??? “I’m hooking my coworkers up” ?!?!? What is this nonsense??? What are you now? A player? A pimp? 🙄🙄🙄

Must be nice to be a bachelor and not have to worry about feeding another mouth. I’m sure you do have time to go out and do as you please. Meanwhile I’m busting my @$$ being a single mom, working full time, helping my son with his school, taking online classes for my bachelors degree...yeah, lemme just drop all of those responsibilities and just have fun.

This was Friday afternoon. Didn’t Skype call me Friday night. Short answers. Just not something he would normally do. Friday nights would be the one night we’d talk the most since weekdays were a bit crazy with our work schedules

[brit-kor-french]

Max has sent me this one night when he was at a bar with some friends. My name is TracEy. This is what I wrote back

“I prefer it without the ‘e’” ?!?!? What in the heck is that supposed to mean? We’ve been together for 10 months and you don’t know how to spell my first name???

This is the picture about me asking him if I could make us an Instagram

You see how this stuff is all adding up...

A Valentine’s Day present he couldn’t send because the Yellow Jackets protests in France during that time were too much of a problem for him to access the post office 🙄🙄🙄 can you sense my sarcasm??? 🙃🙃🙃

[brit-kor-french]

My stomach is churning as I’m typing this. Today I will tell Max it’s over. Of course I’m too chicken to do it over a Skype call, but once I explain what just happened this past Wednesday,...you’ll understand why.

Things have been WAY too tense at my parent’s house in the past few months. It had reached such a boiling point that I was looking into options of moving out this summer once my son was done with his school year. Unfortunately, because of the income I make and having to split it between two people (my son and I) and the fact that my son’s father has not been consistent with his child support payments recently, I have had to bite the bullet and deal with things since my income doesn’t break the 3x the rent amount bracket. Cost of living in the state I live sucks! It’s so freakin’ expensive here. Rent has gone up at least $500 since the last time I had an apartment when I was last living here back in ‘11. Max knew that things were getting intense at my parent’s house and how it was affecting not only me but my schooling as well. About 2 and a half weeks ago, my mom said that she wanted to talk to me and have a heart-to-heart while my son and dad were at church on a Thursday evening. We discussed things and she said she would lay off and try to not stress me out. So, at one point she said “so, how are things between you and Max?” I said “they’re going great.” She replied “well, that’s good. I’m happy for you. But, how do you know that he doesn’t have someone out there with him in France?” To be honest, I was extremely pissed at her remark. I couldn’t believe she would insinuate such a thing. Max and I talk daily and have so for 10 months now. She has chatted with him on a few Skype calls herself and during her time before and after surgery he has prayed for her on Skype calls. For some reason, her words lingered and for days I couldn’t shake it off. 

The following weekend, Max saw that I was a bit preoccupied and asked if everything was okay. I mentioned how things were at the house and with school and Bryce’s grades not doing so well...it was like everything was happening all at once. At the end, I caved in and mentioned the remark to Max about what she had said. “What? She said that? Does she think that because I say I’m going to do pentanque on the weekends and am gone for hours on end?” I said “oh no...I don’t think it’s that...I think she knows how pretty European women can be over there and she probably thinks that you would be attracted to someone locally.” It didn’t hit me until a few moments later that Max said what he said. Wait a minute...hold up...did he just imply that he’s not at pentanque and doing something else??? I decided to brush that nagging thought off and he said “do you want me to talk to your Mom and convince her that it’s not the case?” “Oh no, honey. Don’t be silly.” 

The following week I was looking up some ideas on Pinterest on how to strengthen relationships that are long distance. One item on the list was “create an Instagram to share memories with each other until you are able to close the gap.” “Wow, what an awesome idea!” I thought to myself and decided to ask Max about it at work. (I’m typing this on my computer because I typed up a freakin’ entire post through my cell app and the whole thing kept saying “oops..we’ve encountered an error” as it was posting and I was unable to post...so I will be posting the photos in my next post from my phone so you can see what he has been posting in Skype) Max’s reaction to my question about creating an Instagram account didn’t sit well with me at all. “Being discreet on the net??? What is that supposed to mean?” Then it dawned on me...Skype was the only platform that Max and I spoke on... That weekend I asked Max about branching outside of Skype. Nope. Why put other apps on his old version phone and waste too much data? Let’s just stick with Skype. Besides, he can access Skype on all of his electronics: phone, tablet, and computer. If there wasn’t Skype we’d be chatting on something like “WhatsApp” according to him. Say what??? Okay Max...now things are starting to get strange... I asked about Facebook and he said “nope. I have to keep it semi-professional. My boss and coworkers are my friends on there. I can’t have it be all mushy and stuff.” Ooookkkkkaaaayyyyy *speechless*

At this point, I started to confide in my best friends and coworkers and all of their answers came to the same conclusion: something is going on...something’s not adding up. Why is he rejecting Instagram? Why Facebook? Why hasn’t he asked you to be friends with him on Facebook if he’s had an account for a while now? How long have you been talking? 10 months? That doesn’t sound right for him not to be introducing you to his family and friends by now...

So, Wednesday I was in so much pain with my back and that had lingered on for about 2 weeks, that I was able to schedule a sick appointment with my primary care dr. I had let Max know about this appt and he was very concerned, so he said he wanted to chat with me on Wednesday night after I got home. I had taken my anti-inflammatory and muscle relaxer and was trying to find a comfortable spot in bed after having sat at my desk chair for 8.5 hours at work. Max called me and could see that I was in a tremendous amount of pain. He knew that I wasn’t feeling well and was asking if everything was okay. I let him know that I was dealing with it and had just taken some medicine. To try and shift my pain level onto something more pleasant, I mentioned to Max that I was wanting to get to know him better. “We’ve been talking for 10 months now. I know that we talk every day, but yet I feel like I hardly know anything about you.” “What do you mean by that? What do you want to know about me?” “Well, I don’t even know where you live. I don’t know the company you work for or what you do at your job. If someone were to ask me about you, I would probably be stuttering because I can’t bring to memory a lot of details about you.” So, at this point, Max decides to put it back on me “Well, I don’t know where you work either or what you do...” (which is an absolute lie because he knew I worked at a call center because he would always text during my day time asking if I was on a call or busy with an income of calls. I also had sent him a screenshot of a letterhead from the VP of our company we received from our big boss about cell phone usage and how this would impact how often I would be able to communicate with him during the day to make sure I wouldn’t get in trouble at work) So, I pushed that to the side and he got really angry and said “Do you have a boyfriend? Are you seeing someone locally there?” “No, Max! I would never do that to you!” “Well, you certainly may be asking me questions like this. Why are you asking such weird questions? You’re making me uncomfortable.” “I just want to get to know you better. I want to be more involved in your life and feel like I’m more a part of it.” “So you think I have a girlfriend on Facebook. Is that it? Is that why you want me to add you on Facebook? You want to make sure I don’t have a girlfriend???” “No, Max! I never said that!” “Well, I already told you that it’s semi-professional since my boss and my coworkers are my friends on there. Even if I was to add you on Facebook, I wouldn’t allow you to post any hearts or any of that romance garbage on there. I had an ex do that to me in the past and it embarrassed the sh*t out of me!” “I wouldn’t post that stuff on there if you didn’t want me to...” “Do you want my Skype password?” “WHAT?!?!?! No, Max! It’s not about that...” “You don’t want my Skype username and password so you can see who I’m chatting with?” “No, Max!” “What about Facebook. You want my password so that so you can see who I’m friends with on there?” “MAX!!! I said I DON’T need that! It’s not about having passwords, it’s about being included more in your life and getting to know more about your family and friends.” “Give me your Skype password.” “WHAT?!?!?!?!” “Give me your password.” “It’s been so long since I’ve signed in with it. I have it automatically saved. Uh...I don’t know if it’s right, but here it is....” “Okay, here’s my Skype username/password. Sign out and sign back in within five minutes. Don’t be changing sh*t or posting anywhere on it!” “Max, I wouldn’t do that!” So, I logged out and waited 5 minutes. I logged back in and asked if the password had worked. He said no. I never logged in to his account. I didn’t feel right doing so. By this time it was like 2:30am his time. I kept telling him he needed to get his sleep for work and he kept blaming me for keeping him up this late. I replied “Max, I said we could talk more about it this weekend...” “No, I play pentanque on the weekends all day and by the time I get home I’m too exhausted!” Okay...so now you’re saying that you’re too busy to chat with me on the weekends??? So, he mentioned about how Facebook was his “private garden” and that it was off limits and he needed privacy. That Asian people are very private and that I probably had a misunderstanding about his intentions. I said “You told me you were very romantic when we first started talking. You said if we were in a room together you wouldn’t be able to keep your hands off of me.” “Yeah, in a room alone. You should be lucky I’m not an Asian living in an Asian country...they’re hardly romantic, period. I’m not as bad as them, but I don’t do PDA.” So then he goes on this rant about how he’s Mormon and he hasn’t asked me to conform to “their standards” and that he needs to be an individual and that with me being a Christian that I have my own standards and I wouldn’t expect him to conform to mine, right? (well, I would never force my beliefs on anyone, but he told me he was raised Christian and mentioned that as his upbringing when we first started chatting, so I thought he was on board with how I believed, also) So, then he saw that I was crying and said “I think my friends are right...maybe I am holding you ‘as a prisoner.’ You don’t seem happy...” But yet, didn’t have an apology for making me cry... So, he said he was finally going to bed and left the conversation. Let me now post the pictures from my phone app before I finish the next written post

[brit-kor-french]

“I’ll wait for you, because a future together is worth fighting for.”

— Long Distance Diaries - follow for more LDR quotes and advice. (via ldrdiariess)

[brit-kor-french]

I can’t wait for that day ❤️❤️❤️

One day I’ll kiss you goodnight instead of messaging you

[brit-kor-french]

We did it!!! Pats going to the Super Bowl 🏟 I just watched the Pats vs. Chiefs game and Max was watching it as well. We weren’t on a call while we were watching it, but we were sending each other messages back and forth from certain plays/calls by referees. Max video called me at the end right as they scored the touchdown in overtime and it was so nice to share that experience as a couple ❤️

I’ve been wearing my Tom Brady jersey since the game started. This was a conversation we had last week

I love when he calls me “wifey” 🥰🥰🥰

Well, I have a bit of school work to do before heading to bed. Will post some more later this week 😁

#ldr blog #ldr couple #long distance relationship #ldr love #long distance #amwflove #amwf dating #amwfcouples #patriots #chiefs #playoffs #tom brady #british #korean #french

[brit-kor-french]

Hello Tumblrs,

Sorry for the lack of updating. Things have been a bit crazy since my mom has had her surgery (day after Christmas). She’s still recovering, but is getting around well, so that makes me feel better. Max did receive his NE Patriots hoodie from me 😁

He really liked it. Christmas went really well. My son really enjoyed his presents 🎁 I was a bit worried with mom having her surgery the day after Christmas. Max and I were doing our daily Skype conversations and I believe it was like December 27th/28th that he was chatting with me and he said something along the lines of “even if nothing romantic comes from this, I know we have such a strong bond between us.” I didn’t say anything after he said it on the call because I was processing it and wondering if I heard it correctly. However, Max said something similar maybe two months into us talking. I waited like two days before bringing it up to him and he said “oh...yeah, I figured you were going to ask about that...” So, he goes into a mini speech about how he has let his parents and uncle/cousins know about me. They are happy for him but mentioned “you have a mortgage on your house. If you move to America your education/degree and your work skills may not transfer over and you may need to start from scratch. She already has a child. She may want more. Would she be willing to wait?” So, all of these questions they were asking him are very valid things he needs to be concerned about and unavoidable. So, I think it really made him have to stop and think about the reality of our situation. So, he mentions that he doesn’t want to put me in a position where he thinks I am being held prisoner and if I find a man who is closer to where I live and can be a good father figure for my son, he would give his blessings, but of course would want me to tell him if that ever happened. Needless to say, I cried a bit during that conversation and said I have no desire to look for anyone else. That Skype call was at least 1.5 hours. Max was quiet for at least 2-3 days and I wanted to give him the space he needed but give the impression that I wasn’t going anywhere. His uncle/cousins were in town through New Years and New Year’s Eve I texted him around midnight his time. He seemed very happy and said he was going to wish me the same at my time, but that would have been 6am for him to do that 🤣 So, he called me like Jan 2nd and he was driving home from visiting his friends for New Years and I said “thank you for including me in your New Year.” I think that softened him up and he realized I wasn’t going anywhere.

I feel like the bond between us has grown even stronger since that conversation. I’m still helping him with his sentences/paragraphs for his job. He daily asks about my mom’s recovery process, asking how my son is doing, making sure I’m doing well. I truly love Max and can’t wait to finally meet him ❤️ I haven’t been able to ask him recently since we’ve both have crazy schedules, but I still believe he’s trying to come out in August to visit me. 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

So, to all you LDR couples out there, please stay strong ❤️ I’m very hopeful about our future. Will post more soon.

#ldr blog #ldr couple #long distance relationship #ldr love #long distance #amwf dating #amwfcouples #amwflove #i love him so much #british #korean #french

[brit-kor-french]

You gave me the strength to do what I couldn’t do alone. I accomplished so much with you holding my hand.

hiswiddlehunbun

[brit-kor-french]

Hello fellow Tumblrs 👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻

I bet you’re looking at the picture above and are like “why the heck does that have sunglasses on it?!?!?” It’s to hide my address. Lol. So, that package is what I was able to mail out to Max yesterday for his Christmas present 🎁 I honestly thought he wasn’t going to let me send it to him because he knows the cost to ship internationally is usually more expensive than the cost of the actual product. I spent about $24 to ship him this, but I don’t care. I got him an NFL hoodie and I opened up the bag slightly (hence the packing tape) and added in a Thanksgiving card and a Christmas card. I also went to Walmart before going to the Post Office yesterday morning and printed out about 6 photos to put in the Christmas card. So, if Max wants to put them in a frame, he is able to do so. 😁😁😁

Max has been so much more loving recently. My feelings for him are growing deeper and I truly am blessed having him in my life. He is dealing with so much at work and the chaos that France 🇫🇷 is dealing with at the moment with the Yellow Jackets and the protests they’re having. I want so badly to be there and be the arms that hold him after a long day at work. He has said several times that taking this new position at work to do more projects, give presentations, and proofreading papers for English grammar and having it sound like a native British/American can be very challenging at times. He says he doesn’t like to come to me with the paragraphs for corrections, but when he does it’s because his brain is fried and he can’t process anything else. I’m still in awe that he took this job on. He’s doing it so he can still work for this company but be able to get a job through them to come work in the US so he can be with me ❤️ If that’s not devotion, I don’t know what is! He said he loves chatting with me during his work day because I can help him with the English sentences that are for an assignment at work and I help relieve a lot of stress he may be going through. I always wonder if I’m getting him in any trouble at work, but he’s probably just like me and covert about being on his cell phone during work hours.

Max always asks how my mom is doing, my son, and my dad, in addition to asking about me and my day. He is so concerned about my mom, especially since they rescheduled her surgery. I don’t know if I mentioned it here on a recent post or not, but my mom’s surgeon called the night before her surgery and said he was sick, so he wanted to reschedule (it’s a 6 hour surgery). Well, of course it’s rescheduled now for the day after Christmas. Seriously?!?!? 😐😐😐 oh well, it is what it is. Luckily, I was able to ask my boss if I could take the vacation time I requested and just put it back on the schedule when my mom found out her new date for surgery. Thankfully, it was able to be done. *whew*

So, this is a conversation we had last Saturday when I went to the post office to check and see how much it would cost to send him the package 📦

Do you see why I’m so excited??? It looks like Max wants to try to come out to visit in August 😍😍😍

I really hope we’re able to work something out to where we can make this happen!!!

Well, I need to get to bed for work in a few hours. Please keep France 🇫🇷 in your prayers. Max said a friend of his friend has gotten damage at their business from the riots 😞He said it’s very dangerous in certain areas, but he is doing his best to stay away from those places. Merci beaucoup! Enjoy this pic I took of Max 😁

#ldr blog #ldr couple #long distance relationship #ldr love #long distance #missing him #i love him so much #amwf dating #amwflove #amwfcouples #christmas package #he makes my heart melt #he makes me so happy #proud girlfriend #love him to the moon and back #british #korean #french

[brit-kor-french]

Especially with what is happening right now in France, Max ❤️❤️❤️

[brit-kor-french]

“No language in the world could ever truly express how in love with you I am.”

[brit-kor-french]

Can’t wait until this is us, Max 😘😘😘

You’re the first thing I want to see in the morning.

[brit-kor-french]

Max, you are worth every second and every day ❤️ We will be together one day soon 😘

[brit-kor-french]

This!!!

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Every day ❤️

You have no idea just how much I want to be with you all the time.