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bunnistephie · 1 year

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If My Tears Could Turn Into Stardust

Heizou Shikanoin x Reader One Shot

This was inspired by my favorite song, Izayoi Seeing by Last Note. I adore this song with all my heart.

Trigger Warning: It has mentions of self-harm and suicidal ideation. If you are not okay with this, please do not read.

Please remember that you are loved and cherished. If you need help, please seek it. Your life is very precious. You only have one, so please take care of it.

You sighed lightly as you sat on the park bench, looking up at the cloudy sky. You came in hopes of seeing the stars, but it seemed to be a bad day. "I love the rain... but the burning stars in the night sky surpass every other thing in this world." you speak to yourself softly, waiting for it to rain. You closed your eyes, leaning on the back of the bench, taking in the scent of the rain.

"(y/n)...?" you heard your name being called out, startled out of your thoughts. "hm? Heizou..?" in front of you was a guy who was in your astronomy class. "What are you doing here?" you asked, keeping your eyes on his cheeks, avoiding his. He was really good at reading people. You didn't want anyone to scold you or hate you for what you had just done. You wanted to disappear, to burn alive, to die. No, better yet, you wished the world or the universe would end so you wouldn't have to blame your weakness for dying. "Oh. Im just here taking a walk. I saw someone over here and thought it was the guy that always drinks too much and ends up here." He answered, his eyes wandering your figure, looking for any signs of harm.

He felt it was strange for you to come alone in the middle of the night. Had you gotten into a fight and ran away? Had you been kicked out? He looked at your appearance for clues. "Ah I see..." You went quiet as the rain began to fall. "What are you doing out here?" He walked over to the bench, sitting down beside you. "I came to see the stars but it's cloudy so now my plans are ruined." you rubbed the back of your neck awkwardly. Heizou noticed the reddish dark stains on your gray shirt. When you rubbed your neck, your sleeve pulled up and revealed the wounds that had been made previously, even under the dim park light. "Hey, (y/n)... you know, i've noticed that despite being covered in scars, you never wear long sleeves" He began to speak, but you quickly interrupted him. "You know, its getting late. I should really head home.." You stood up and began walking back to your house. He quickly but carefully grabbed your shirt from behind and pulled you back. "I wasn't finished."

Your eyes widened and then let out a tired sigh. "Listen. I know what you're going to say next. But save it. I can't promise you anything, nor can I hand over my weapon. I genuinely am not in the mood to be scolded or be pitied or get hated." You stated, crossing your arms. The rain began to pour harder, your eyes firmly planted on him. "I actually wasn't going to scold you or make you promise anything. I was just curious as to what makes you do it and why you can't stop yourself? Usually, people who self harm aren't so aggressive with themselves. They still have something that holds them back, whether it be their friends, family, lover or sometimes even fear. Their goal is not to die but rather to feel better." He explained, leaving you shocked.

"Are you sure you want to be burdened with something like that? This is a heavy topic and I honestly do not like discussing it with anyone." Heizou nodded. "I want to understand, that's all." You stood there for a moment before nodding.

You sat down, taking a deep breath. "It started when I was really young. At first, I was careful not to hurt myself so much. I didn't want anyone to find out. I was afraid my family would get angry with me." You looked at your hands. "As my symptoms got worse, and no medication to control my emotions, I started hurting myself uncontrollably. It felt like I blacked out in those moments and when I came back, I had done it and I could not take it back. I continued this way for years, not caring for anything. It came to a point where I could not live without it, and did it many times a single day. I came to consider it my most precious friend and my first love.", Heizou listened as he looked down at your hands, at the wounds. "One day, I started coming back to my senses. One of the days I had hurt myself, I was joking and laughing with my family and my dad asked me if i was feeling okay." You reached your arms out in front of you, re-enacting the scene. "He reached his arms out and they trembled as he cupped my face. As if he was afraid that one day I would break. As if he was afraid to lose me. As if I was made out of fragile crystal and required the utmost care to touch. Then he gave a somewhat bitter smile and said that as long as I was okay, then nothing could ever be wrong." You covered your face, tears overflowing. "The guilt I had that day was so overwhelming. I realized that I was hurting those I love most by hurting myself and had been doing so for years. I was being selfish and cruel. That was the day I told myself that I would stop." You hugged yourself, digging your nails into your skin. "And yet here I am once more, covered in wounds. What would my precious family say if they saw me? What would my beloved friends do if I told them?" You felt the warmth of Heizou's hand on your hand that was digging into your skin. You slowly began to release after realizing that you were hurting yourself again.

Heizou nodded and looked at you. "Thats why you aren't home. Its because youre scared of hurting them, of being scolded, of being berated..." He nodded as he took in the information. You began to laugh bitterly before speaking again, "you know what the stupidest thing is? Even though I know it hurts everyone around me, I dont want to leave it. Im scared to. Its always been there. Whether I'm happy or sad, whether im crying or smiling, whether my heart is racing with fear or about to burst with love... I adore it for making me feel at peace, for giving me a chance at living, for being my first friend and first love. It validates my every emotion, wipes my tears dry, makes me feel loved, doesn't care if i'm good at being human or not, doesn't expect a thing from me and most of all, it makes me happy" You looked up at the sky, wanting the tears to stop falling. "Im selfish, cowardly, stupid and most of all..." You paused for a moment, swallowing thickly before saying in a hoarse voice, " weak..."

There was silence in the air as he continued to process your words. He noticed the rain had finally stopped coming down, the clouds clearing up. "Do you like seeing the stars?" He asked, taking your hand in his. "Hm..?" You looked at his hand grabbing yours and then looked back at the sky. There was a new moon, the stars in full display. "i do. The stars shine so brilliantly and are strong, burning fiercely millions of light years away. Despite burning, a process that is chaotic, their light is so gentle. They do their best to shine here on earth for us humans who are undeserving of such kindness and beauty.." You took your free hand, tracing the stars to form constellations. "If I were anything like a star... if even my tears could turn into star dust, maybe... just maybe... I could grow a bit stronger..." You smiled bitterly, your tears filling up your eyes once more, overflowing with so many emotions at once.

Heizou looked up at the stars. He intertwined his fingers with yours and squeezed your hand, as a way to comfort you. "I've always wondered why you took astronomy if you don't need it to graduate. I felt it was odd, but very admirable. You are the top student in that class, answering questions with a smile on your face, doing extra work even if it's not needed." He smiled softly. "I for one believe that I have no right to say anything about it. It's your life and your choice. Even if I tell you to stop, it's not like it will happen just because I say so. It's up to you whether or not you do." He stopped, before speaking again. "But I do want to say one thing. Being able to smile, being able to laugh, loving those around you so wholeheartedly that you would rather be unhappy than hurt them... being able to go to class, answering questions despite the looks you get, helping others with their work even if you still have to do yours... I don't know how you see yourself as weak. Being able to smile, even when your heart has been torn apart is something that not alot of people can do. Just as the stars burn brightly, you do as well. Let your tears fall, let your worries be heard. Stardust or not, you're just as strong as them." Your eyes went wide, turning to look at him. He had a soft smile on his face as he looked up at the stars. They were reflecting into his green eyes, making them sparkle.

For the milionth time that day, your eyes filled with tears. This time was different though. They weren't bitter tears, but rather ones filled with gratitude and happiness. Happiness of being seen and accepted, gratitude of how gentle his words were. You covered your face and began to sob into them, letting out all of the emotions you had hidden until now. Heizou wrapped his arms around you, giving you a gentle hug, placing your head into his chest allowing you to cry. He caressed it tenderly, almost as if he was comforting a child.

You slowly calmed down, hugging him back, not wanting to let go. "Thank you..." You mumble softly into his shirt. "I'm glad you're feeling better now. Let's go to my house so we can clean your wounds and cover them up so they don't get infected.." He whispered. "Mhm.."

#genshin impact #fanfic #oneshot #heizou x reader #shikanoin heizou #x reader #short story

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bunnistephie · 4 years

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This is really out of the blue and for no specific reason, but I have to say it.

BTS saved people’s lives. They took those people who had nothing left, who were hurting, who though they they would soon draw their last breath, who were trying to draw their last breath, they took those people and gently helped them up, dusted them off, looked into their eyes and said,

“I’m here, we’re all here. And maybe it is not okay right now, maybe it doesn’t feel great right now, and that’s okay. You can be sad, you can be hurt, but I will help you get better. Use me to help you get better.”

And the fact that some people hate on them and their fans because “international army’s can’t understand them” or because the boys “look like girls” or hate on them because they just simply don’t like them.

Please, please, listen to me. You don’t have to listen to their music, you don’t have to like them. But, please, don’t hate on seven boys who have worked themselves to the last bone in their body just to help people love themselves. Don’t hate on people who only want others to be happy.

The members of BTS try their best to learn english to communicate with Army’s, and they appreciate and love every single one of their fans, never failing to compliment a woman’s hijab. They accept and love every single one of their fans, no matter their sex, gender, religion, sexuality, ethnicity, skin colour etc.

Seven young men have made me happy enough to realise that, hey, maybe life is worth living. That maybe I should keep trying and I should keep going. Please do not try to take that away from me or them or any other army’s out there.

Please stop with the hate. It doesn’t help anybody, it just hurts people. It doesn’t matter if maybe at the moment I can’t understand what they’re saying. I can see the emotion and the actions, and later the subtitles.

Listening to BTS’ music helps many people, and hearing their moving speeches and motivational words makes me want to keep going. They know and understand what some feel, and always make sure others know they are not alone.

Please, I love BTS. Let me love BTS. Let others love BTS, without any hate. Let BTS sing, let them feel, let them live without hate.

Because we all deserve to be loved and not hated.

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