calinacho

[calinacho]

Ight so yesterday our english teacher told us about his dnd glory days.

First there was a session where he was a player. He knew 2 spells: Shrink and Enlarge. He would literally shrink to the size of an ant, enter creatures through various methods, and enlarge inside them, killing them instantly. He was literally doing the Ant Man joke.

Second was a session where he was the dm. One of the players was a dwarf who had dumped most of his points into charisma and wisdom. The sneakiest dwarf there ever was. And one day, very nonchalantly, he tells our teacher (the dm) he wants to steal THE THEETH from a WOLF.

-Roll 20 and Ill allow it.

He rolled a 20. 2 times in a row.

#dnd #dungeons and dungeons #funny

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Yeah thats what inspired this. Thankfully in the meantime ive found out such a channel does exist (kinda) and his name is Sam O Nella.

Concept: Non family friendly versions of educational channels.

Like imagine 3b1b but Grant says "Now e to the x doesnt fuck around, because the derivative of e to the x is e to the x" or "youre probably looking at this notation and thinking to yourself <what the fuck>"

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The good old RNG manipulation joke

I mean, you can’t prove that doing a funny hop off of some inadequately playtested collision and being hurled through the skybox at four times the speed of sound isn’t a speedrun strat.

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So apperently Sherlock Holmes did cocaine... That would definitely explain his ideas and deductions.

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Nah fuck that buy every onion in existance and artificially alter the onion market.

Oh wait someone already did this. Grepfruit it is then

You inherit billions of dollars from an unknown source. What is your next move?

Buy out an old street in some historic downtown, show off these super cool blueprints of the NEW AND IMPROVED downtown to the locals, demolish the buildings with TNT, then simply vanish, never finishing the project. I got what I wanted. Rinse repeat until I run outta money.

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Dang that was well timed. Im not even mad about that

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This is going on r/BrandeNewSentence

WAIT THE PINNED POST OH I GET THE JELLO GETTING SUCKED UP THING.

WHY DID YOU REQUEST IT ON A KINK CHANNEL????!3! you baffle me

Oh Boy. Insane the series of events that happen all the time on the internet that no one could fucking predict happening. This somehow involves a kink channel, me, some guy named Huggbees on YouTube and I guess CNN??

OKAY so, I make a random post 3 years ago about how vacuuming jello through a metal tube would make a neat sound - it gets popular, 200,000 notes later, I guess some random channel on YouTube takes this as an opportunity to make a video doing just that! "Haha weird" I think to myself as I go on living my life, blissfully ignorant of their crimes. I then get an odd number of asks and messages today saying shit like "Why did you request a Jello vacuuming kink video" - I wonder what the FUCK is going on.

This channel's ENTIRE thing is sucking shit up with a fucking vacuum. And I was his ticket to the big times!! I never requested this!!! He used my name like I was some cash-cow Jello slut. In an odd turn of events the video was sent to some YouTube channel called Huggbees who learned about this video directly from CNN. I guess CNN and Huggbees had a kerfuffle which led Huggbees to be in direct-contact with an employee over at CNN - this employee was gonna make a "top 5" article on goofy videos or someshit but they scrapped the project because I guess this shit gets people secretly horny?? and CNN doesn’t like that. And then you look through this vacuum channel to find a small niche audience of horny vacuum people, excited, enticed by the next food item or dust, or whatever floats their boat, that this little henry hoover motherfucker is gonna suck up next. I feel complicit to a fucked up sexy Jello vacuum CNN conspiracy, which is great.

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I actually knew 2 of those beforehand. I need to rethink my life choices

educate me tumblr

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According to movies, there are 3 types of aliens:

-The vaguely humanoid looking ones. They have arms, legs and a head coming from regions you would expect them to.

- The amorphous hivemind. Kinda like an ant colony if an ant colony could assemble into a sword and slice you.

- The one mind controlling lots of bodies. Usually AI controlling bots

#shitpost #aliens

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Translated from Googlese: The Sun advances towards the center of the galaxy as it ages.

i keep forgetting the sky does that

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Despite all the jokes about Doom being a very christian game, God would probably look down upon slaugthering demons, as it is both the sin of judgement and the sin of murder

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Continuing the trend: Baba is You is also Turing-Complete, therefore...

With the new update to Desmos's graphing calculator, i think it is now turing complete.

Therefore...

It can run Doom

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I like to think that in age rating details the "Use of tobacco/alcohol" refers to the fact the producers used such substances while developing the plot and therefore you should get ready to see some nsfw shit.

#shitpost #funny

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With the new update to Desmos's graphing calculator, i think it is now turing complete.

Therefore...

It can run Doom

#doom slayer #shitpost #desmos #graphing calculator #memes

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SPIRES AND DRAGONS

I've already made a post about a slay the spire campaign for dnd but seriously, it's just so good. You have a party of 4: a warrior, a rogue, a mage and a cleric. Instead of having heavy blade be a card, have it be a weapon. Instead of having shivs be a card, have them be consumables. Instead of having orb chanelling be cards, have them be cantrips. Instead of having energy be energy, have it be extra actions. Since enemies already use randomness for their action, have the dm roll for intent. The question mark rooms work so well for friendly encounters and puzzles. Elites can be rolling for enemy but add 5 to the roll or smth. Shops can just be shops.

It's just so good. I've been thinking about this for weeks and I havent yet found something which wont translate well to dnd. Just think about it. How fun would it be to, after braving all the challenges and getting all the keys, to get the final boss, the heart, and find out it is ridiculosly overpowered. But then, you realize... If the cleric makes the warrior enter divinity, he can hit the heart twice with a tripled heavy blade. And if the mage seeks experitse for the rogue, she can unleash a storm of steel to heavily poison the heart.

And let's not bring potions into this. The mage could slam potion of capacity on the warrior and channel frost for him, defending him automatticly. Or the rogue could give the cleric a potion of cunning, and have her double their damage by entering wrath.

And then we can bring in relics. The party can exchange relics between eachother, so they can strategize better. Give the warrios the anchor, the horn cleat and the captains wheel so he can play agressively and initiate his exhaust cycle. And give the rogue all the energy relics, so she can extend her loops further. Give the wizard mummified hand and bird urn, so he becomes undying. And give the cleric wristblade, and watch her flurry of blows destroy enemies.

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Level 4: Fuck up so bad that there are 2 pages for the fuckup, one speciffically for how you fucked up and the other about the fuckup itself

Level 1: Fuck up so bad that you get your own Wikipedia article.

Level 2; Fuck up so bad that you get your own Wikipedia article, and also a separate Wikipedia article about the fuckup.

Level 3: Fuck up so bad that you get your own subheading in the Wikipedia article about the fuckup.

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What is your next request?

I'm having a rough week, tell me something nice?