canyoufucksoniccharacters

[canyoufucksoniccharacters]

CAN YOU FUCK MILES "TAILS" PROWER?

...

APRIL FOOLS, ASSHOLES. THAT'S A CHILD.

NO COURTESY FOR THIS ONE. NO FLOWERY SPEECH. NO PROPER MANNERS. WE ARE GOING FOR THE FUCKING THROAT ON THIS ONE. THE LARGER FURRY COMMUNITY HAS INCURRED YEARS' WORTH OF BUILT UP WRATH UPON THE BLOG'S OWNER AND IT MUST BE RELEASED. JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU FOR FIVE SECONDS STOP DRAWING PORN OF THIS CHARACTER I CAN'T GO 5 TURNS WITHOUT SEEING HIM THERE HE'S EVERYWHERE JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ON THE CROSS

THAT'S A CHILD. THAT'S A FUCKING CHILD. OH THE AGES AREN'T CANON ANYMORE RIGHT HE'S BEEN THERE SINCE THE START OF THE SERIES RIGHT? HEY DICKHEAD HE WAS LITERALLY ALWAYS PORTRAYED AS A CHILD, HIS AGE IN THE SONIC 2 MANUAL WAS LISTED AS 8, THE CARTOONS CONSISTENTLY PORTRAYED HIM AS A KID AND AOSTH EVEN MADE SURE TO LET THE VIEWER KNOW SONIC ALWAYS SAW HIM AS HIS YOUNGER BROTHER. WANT MORE PROOF? YOU WANT MORE PROOF? FROM A MORE MODERN SOURCE, WITHOUT NUMBERS EVEN BEING STATED? HERE! HERE YOU GO! HERE YOU FUCKING GO!

There is undeniably, long-running, canon proof that Tails is, and has always been meant to be a child. "Oh, just age him up" Yeah yeah, real nice of you sit there imagining what a child would look like as an adult so you can fuck that character. Fun stuff, really. That was sarcasm, by the way. OH, AND DON'T EVEN THINK OF RESORTING TO ARCHIE FOR THIS ONE.

First of all, this is a Penders-ism. The whole Light Mobius plotline seems to have been thought up by him, same for coupling Tails with Mina. All the romance stuff in Archie involving Tails is really weird as is, anyways. And if you're really over here looking to a super niche strange part of pre-SGW Archie just have an excuse to be able to fuck the character who's been known for being the child prodigy of the series, you really, really need to reconsider trajectory here. Please, for the love of god. It's fine if you want to imagine Tails as an adult for writing opportunities, or to examine what that would look like from a design perspective, maybe play with the whole Kitsune angle and mess around with the tail count, but if you're doing all that for the sake of being able to fuck him, in no universe could I ever endorse that, and I really think no one should. It's fucking weird. Fuck off.

If you want to fuck Tails, in any way shape or form, you are banished from setting eyes on this blog. There will not be mercy. There will not be opportunity for negotiation. You will be cast off to realms known not to mankind. You shall never be seen again.

YOU CANNOT, WILL NOT, AND NEVER WILL BE ABLE TO FUCK MILES "TAILS" PROWER. AND THAT. IS. FINAL.

Anyways, back to normal posting. Goodness, I don't know what overcame me there. We shall never speak of this again.

#status: unfuckable #status: will never be fuckable #miles tails prower #sonic the hedgehog #sth

[canyoufucksoniccharacters]

Oh, that's what it is. You ever heard of the Mishapocalypse?

What's up with him. Why is he everywhere. Why is this specific picture everywhere. I am thoroughly confused.

#not fuckability #jokes aside; that's kind of cute. i like when in-jokes spread like wildfire like this.

[canyoufucksoniccharacters]

What's up with him. Why is he everywhere. Why is this specific picture everywhere. I am thoroughly confused.

#not fuckability

[canyoufucksoniccharacters]

This lore rabbit hole is even dumber (potentially), but it's about time we start delving into non-mainline canon and going near the waters of... The other comics. Not Archie Preboot, I'm not gonna do that to you, I'll let you handle that rat's nest on its own in your own time, but Fleetway! I understand Sonic the Comic is not nearly as well known, but question still must be asked: Can You Fuck Ebony from Sonic the Comic?

Oh. Oh boy, we've begun to go there, haven't we. Well, it was gonna happen eventually.

CAN YOU FUCK EBONY THE CAT?

... Ok, despite my initially overblown reaction, this one is actually incredibly easy. On top of her always having her furry legs out in full display, with a loincloth implying there IS actually something being covered up (although with not much effort to accomplish it), she actually just gives us a rough age estimate. Specifically, about how long she's been practicing magic.

She's been practicing magic for 15 years! So unless she began practicing at the ripe age of 3 years old, she's an adult. Further evidenced by the fact that later on, she's shown to own a coffee bar, even giving Super Sonic a job there! Oh yeah, she also has insurance, apparently.

This is actually the last we see of Super Sonic! If you're wondering why Super Sonic is being treated as his own separate person... It's because he is. Physically and mentally speaking. But that's a tale for another day. That aside;

You can, in fact, fuck Ebony The Cat. Obviously.

This image actually comes from Sonic The Comic Online, a continuation of the original Fleetway Sonic comics, with a lot of the same artists and writers as the original working on it. It's pretty much considered canon to the original material! But no amount of bargaining could ever get me to actually cover it. I just think she looks neat there.

#status: fuckable #ebony the mystic mog #ebony the cat #sonic the hedgehog #sth

[canyoufucksoniccharacters]

A small addition, just in case anyone has any doubts.

I am DEEPLY sorry about making you dive down this rat’s nest of a lore hole, but I’m back with another question that should be cleared up: Can You Fuck Shadow the Hedgehog?

I have a feeling this is gonna get complicated real fast…

I've had this one in mind for a while, so this shouldn't be all that hard to write.

CAN YOU FUCK: SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG?

...

YOU FELL FOR IT! YOU ALL FELL FOR IT!

To any reasonable person, Shadow should have been included in the Sonic post, alongside Surge, Mighty, etc. But you want to know why I didn't? Because if I did, it wouldn't give me the proper opportunity to rant about something.

SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG IS NOT 50 YEARS OLD. HE NEVER WAS, HE NEVER HAS BEEN, AND HE WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE.

This is a misconception that has permeated through the fanbase for Chaos knows how long, being repeated over and over and over again, ad nauseam.

Why do people even say this? Well, Project Shadow started 50 years before the event of Sonic Adventure 2. Which means Shadow's creation happened 50 years ago.

So, people take this as "Oh, Shadow was created 50 years ago, this must mean he's 50 years old!"

DO YOU PEOPLE NOT KNOW WHAT THE WORD "STASIS" MEANS.

During Sonic Adventure 2, Eggman breaks into a military base to unleash a "top secret military weapon" for his plans. This weapon, is, of course, shadow. The screenshot above is from the scene where Shadow is released.

What does this look like those particles are? What do they look like to you? Usually, thick white air particles like these are a result of the use of cold to pause biological processes. On top of that, the shot right before it displays the object atop the machinery pretty well, although with some distance.

This is a pod. Like, this is very obviously a pod. Shadow is even standing on top of it once he's revealed.

And what does he say when he's revealed?

Note how he says "Awakening". This is taken from a re-translation of the Japanese script, since the official translation makes him refer to being released as opposed to being awakened. Remember, translations for these games in this era were... Less than stellar.

(seriously, don't go there yet? to the guy telling you he shouldn't have ever been born? like maybe you're right maybe you shouldn't have been born but we don't know enough to say that for sure. ok, buddy)

So, yeah, Shadow isn't 50. I've been saving this for a standalone post, because it is baffling to me how people still keep spouting that "Fact" over and over, even though it makes no sense. He was frozen. He didn't develop mentally or physically. I'm not a Marvel fan by any means, but this is like if you added 66 years to Captain America's age because that's how long he was frozen. For these characters, if you just knocked them unconscious and then sent them to the future, it literally would not make even a bit of a difference.

He's not 50. Moving on.

Oh yeah, uh. That whole immortality thing.

(Source: Japanese dub, translated.)

Here and there, official material will mention Shadow as being "Immortal" or "Ageless". While never stated in the 2005 game, it makes complete sense, as Shadow was made with Black Doom's own genetic material. Black Doom is immortal, Black Doom's genes are in Shadow, thus, Shadow cannot die of old age.

There is, however, no implication that he does not mentally mature. In fact, it would make sense for him to start out quite young to then become more mature as time goes on, since part of the reason he was made was to accompany Maria, in a sibling-like relationship. Although it's unlikely that the Sonic Channel artwork is canon, most of it at least, it does convey a situation akin to this, which would be horribly out of character otherwise.

Look at em! They're doing their homework together! And then a few years later, after Maria's death...

Look at him! Using a minigun for the first time!

His maturity in SA2 also seems just about on par with Sonic's, so it's safe to assume that when that game happened, they were about even in terms of mental development. In general, Shadow is a Sonic counterpart. A very, very close counterpart.

... Very... Very... Ah screw it, let's just bite the bullet.

This happened! An entire Bumblekast episode dedicated to Sonic, Shadow, and mostly Sonadow. It's pretty recent, too! From 8 months ago! In fact, it was made for Pride Month 2023; after Frontiers released. So, Ian Flynn by then became not just a comic writer, but a writer for the games.

I'm not saying Sonadow is canon, obviously, but if the current writer of the games is willing to entertain it for an entire episode and even go as far as saying it's actually really easy to make happen and you don't need to do too much work for it to happen, then it's probably safe to assume the characters are on even ground in terms of maturity.

So, if Shadow can hypothetically, in a fully canon-compatible way, make out with Sonic, and Sonic is fuckable, then Shadow is, by extension, fuckable.

Honestly this is entirely longer than necessary. I could have brought this one up earlier and saved myself the work. Where's the fun in that, though?

Either way, verdict is;

You can, in fact, fuck Shadow The Hedgehog.

#addendum

[canyoufucksoniccharacters]

I am DEEPLY sorry about making you dive down this rat’s nest of a lore hole, but I’m back with another question that should be cleared up: Can You Fuck Shadow the Hedgehog?

I have a feeling this is gonna get complicated real fast…

I've had this one in mind for a while, so this shouldn't be all that hard to write.

CAN YOU FUCK: SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG?

...

YOU FELL FOR IT! YOU ALL FELL FOR IT!

To any reasonable person, Shadow should have been included in the Sonic post, alongside Surge, Mighty, etc. But you want to know why I didn't? Because if I did, it wouldn't give me the proper opportunity to rant about something.

SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG IS NOT 50 YEARS OLD. HE NEVER WAS, HE NEVER HAS BEEN, AND HE WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE.

This is a misconception that has permeated through the fanbase for Chaos knows how long, being repeated over and over and over again, ad nauseam.

Why do people even say this? Well, Project Shadow started 50 years before the event of Sonic Adventure 2. Which means Shadow's creation happened 50 years ago.

So, people take this as "Oh, Shadow was created 50 years ago, this must mean he's 50 years old!"

DO YOU PEOPLE NOT KNOW WHAT THE WORD "STASIS" MEANS.

During Sonic Adventure 2, Eggman breaks into a military base to unleash a "top secret military weapon" for his plans. This weapon, is, of course, shadow. The screenshot above is from the scene where Shadow is released.

What does this look like those particles are? What do they look like to you? Usually, thick white air particles like these are a result of the use of cold to pause biological processes. On top of that, the shot right before it displays the object atop the machinery pretty well, although with some distance.

This is a pod. Like, this is very obviously a pod. Shadow is even standing on top of it once he's revealed.

And what does he say when he's revealed?

Note how he says "Awakening". This is taken from a re-translation of the Japanese script, since the official translation makes him refer to being released as opposed to being awakened. Remember, translations for these games in this era were... Less than stellar.

(seriously, don't go there yet? to the guy telling you he shouldn't have ever been born? like maybe you're right maybe you shouldn't have been born but we don't know enough to say that for sure. ok, buddy)

So, yeah, Shadow isn't 50. I've been saving this for a standalone post, because it is baffling to me how people still keep spouting that "Fact" over and over, even though it makes no sense. He was frozen. He didn't develop mentally or physically. I'm not a Marvel fan by any means, but this is like if you added 66 years to Captain America's age because that's how long he was frozen. For these characters, if you just knocked them unconscious and then sent them to the future, it literally would not make even a bit of a difference.

He's not 50. Moving on.

Oh yeah, uh. That whole immortality thing.

(Source: Japanese dub, translated.)

Here and there, official material will mention Shadow as being "Immortal" or "Ageless". While never stated in the 2005 game, it makes complete sense, as Shadow was made with Black Doom's own genetic material. Black Doom is immortal, Black Doom's genes are in Shadow, thus, Shadow cannot die of old age.

There is, however, no implication that he does not mentally mature. In fact, it would make sense for him to start out quite young to then become more mature as time goes on, since part of the reason he was made was to accompany Maria, in a sibling-like relationship. Although it's unlikely that the Sonic Channel artwork is canon, most of it at least, it does convey a situation akin to this, which would be horribly out of character otherwise.

Look at em! They're doing their homework together! And then a few years later, after Maria's death...

Look at him! Using a minigun for the first time!

His maturity in SA2 also seems just about on par with Sonic's, so it's safe to assume that when that game happened, they were about even in terms of mental development. In general, Shadow is a Sonic counterpart. A very, very close counterpart.

... Very... Very... Ah screw it, let's just bite the bullet.

This happened! An entire Bumblekast episode dedicated to Sonic, Shadow, and mostly Sonadow. It's pretty recent, too! From 8 months ago! In fact, it was made for Pride Month 2023; after Frontiers released. So, Ian Flynn by then became not just a comic writer, but a writer for the games.

I'm not saying Sonadow is canon, obviously, but if the current writer of the games is willing to entertain it for an entire episode and even go as far as saying it's actually really easy to make happen and you don't need to do too much work for it to happen, then it's probably safe to assume the characters are on even ground in terms of maturity.

So, if Shadow can hypothetically, in a fully canon-compatible way, make out with Sonic, and Sonic is fuckable, then Shadow is, by extension, fuckable.

Honestly this is entirely longer than necessary. I could have brought this one up earlier and saved myself the work. Where's the fun in that, though?

Either way, verdict is;

You can, in fact, fuck Shadow The Hedgehog.

#status: fuckable #sonic the hedgehog #sth #shadow the hedgehog

[canyoufucksoniccharacters]

Alright. I think I know the answer... But I have to ask a fellow person who is as thick in the weeds of this franchise as me... Can You Fuck Mimic the Octopus?

CAN YOU FUCK MIMIC THE OCTOPUS?

Ok, reading this ask, My brain originally went to "That's literally a fucking merc, see: Infinite's post" But then I looked around, and... He... Allegedly has a canon age?

Although... I do have my doubts. For one, these are from the same series of trading cards that state Sonic's age is 15, so they're on shaky ground, and there's a good chance that they were made by the comics' publisher, rather than the writers themselves.

My main doubt comes from this one.

How is Whisper, a trained soldier, who was in a mercenary group (anti-Eggman mercenary group, but still), only 16?? What, did the whole thing with Mimic betraying the Diamond Cutters happen 2 months before her reveal? The way it's built up makes it look like it's something that happened in her past, a long time ago, with ties being cut as a result, and her eyes being just about permanently closed after the fact for... Some reason or another. Trauma response of some sort? No idea. Either way, I don't think these cards hold that much legitimacy, because if this were true then Whisper would be about 14-15 when she joined a mercenary group, which sounds... Wrong. Really wrong. You're not becoming a trained soldier and being a mercenary at that age, you're playing browser games on your school computer. Also, her boobs are probably third biggest in the series which isn't a lot but it's better than nothing, right?

So, yeah, these cards are probably unreliable. Not that it matters that much, because again, he's a mercenary. He kills people. So what works for the Jackal works for the Octopus.

You can, in fact, fuck Mimic The Octopus, you tentacle freaks.

#status: fuckable #sonic the hedgehog #sth #mimic the octopus #idw sonic

[canyoufucksoniccharacters]

It's time.

Alright, this is gonna be a long one. Not only am I covering the canon, mainline game Sonic, but his offshoots as well. Specifically, I will be covering Sonic in the mainline games, the Paramount movie version, Sonic Prime, and a tiiiiiiny tiny little itty bit of Archie. IDW is, from what has been implied as of the past about year and a half, canon; and it will be treated as such (with some caution, of course.), so it's not going to be handled separately.

Let's do this.

Alright, let's start as early as absolutely possible. There have been several, several statements regarding Sonic's age; the earliest of which was courtesy of our good old friends over at...

There would be a certain (mildly loud) funny video here, but Tumblr's weird barely present copyright protection probably kicked in. Anyways...

In the Sonic The Hedgehog cartoon, also known as SatAM, we get 2 tidbits of information. In the 2-part special called Blast From The Past, we see that Sonic and Sally are about the same age, both being kids of just about equal maturity. Later, in episode 24, Sally states that her age is 16. So, far as we could tell, Sonic was 16, or around that range. Now, we know that these cartoons aren't canon, but they definitely did have an influence over the canon of the series. Fun fact for you, Sonic's love of chili dogs was made up by the cartoons, and later adopted during the modern era by the games. Ain't that neat?

Chili dog related tangent aside, this was the only source we had for Sonic's age at that point. I've seen some say that he was stated to be 15 in the manual for Sonic 2, but upon trying to verify that claim I came empty-handed. The manual does mention Tails being 8, but no mention of Sonic's age as far as I could tell; and the same goes for every other Classic Series game. Except for...

Sonic Jam, the Sonic game absolutely no one cares about! In part because it's not much more than a game compilation and tech demo that served as the stepping stone for Sonic Adventure 1. Sonic Jam includes profiles for Sonic, Tails, Knuckles and Eggman. This is in both the Japanese and English version, and both contain ages for the characters! Tails is listed as 8, Knuckles as 15, and Eggman as "??" or Unknown, in the case of the English version.

This brings us to Sonic, who I will be using the Japanese profile for.

The part that says "年令" translates to "Age". So, here it says that Sonic ranges between 15 and 16... Whatever that means. In the English version, it just says 15. Either way, all these make sense for these games. Sonic's characterization back in the day was all in on the rebellious teenager angle, an effort to give him an air of edge and coolness that other platforming mascots didn't have, which did admittedly win people over during the heat of the console wars! Sonic was absolutely huge when the series was new, to a degree that other mascots just couldn't match up to. Of course, that dropped off over time, but that's a discussion for another day, and not on this blog. This blog is about gay sex, not the videogame industry.

So, Sonic is either 15 or 16, most likely 15. All is good here, everything lines up, other than maybe the fact that Amy was listed as 8 in the Sonic CD manual, but that's probably fine considering back then her crush on Sonic was treated as a one-sided admirer type thing, rather than an actual romantic interest (That was usually reserved for Sally in media that actually cared about that kinda thing, anyways.)

So, fast forward to the Dreamcast; Sonic gets a redesign! Longer limbs, green eyes, and overall less chibi-like and seemingly more mature appearance. So, you would assume he's older, right? After all, him an everyone else around him got the same treatment, except for Eggman who... Seemingly just became a smidge more realistic. A smidge, anyways. You can only be so realistic being shaped like Gru.

Well... Yeah! It would look like it, since no further statements about his age were made, and in the Archie comics, they actually aged him up a year to justify his change in design. Archie isn't canon, obviously, but it shows the direction that was taken; as the players aged, so did Sonic, no matter how much people got up in arms about the green eyes for some strange reason.

... And then Sonic Heroes came along.

Perfectly fine game, mind you! One of the more polarizing ones, sure, and some of the writing could have been a smidge better (specially on Amy's side of things), but overall not really anything egregious. But for our sake... This hellspawn was born.

Ah, the Sonic Heroes US manual. The root cause of incredibly stupid Sonic shipping discourse; as well as the really, really inaccurate Sonic Channel ages.

All vitriol aside, let's look at what it has to say about our blue blur.

... 15? Really? When our previous estimate was also 15-16? Are you actually telling me Sonic 1 to Heroes all happened within less than a year? Amy got aged up from 8 to 12, which... Either age would be a bit concerning considering they're still pushing the whole romantic interest thing, one-sided as it may still be. That aside, it makes no logistical sense for Sonic to still be 15 after he's literally physically shown to be older.

On top of that, this same manual ages Espio down from 17 (In the Chaotix manual) to 16, and Vector up from 16 to 20. Vector I can believe, but uh. Aging down isn't exactly a thing that most people do.

What's worse, this age was then listed in the official Sonic Channel website... Even after they made a game where the first thing you see is Sonic celebrating his birthday. Meaning he had to have been 14 before that game to stay 15, which is contradictory to say the least. Additionally, there's a potential time gap of 5 months between SA2 and Heroes, only ever referenced in the Playstation 3 PSN release of Sonic Heroes.

This age was never once modified, even after Sonic Forces' 6 month timeskip, meaning Sonic had a birthday party, was locked up for 6 months, and somehow didn't age a year during all that. Nor after the several infrastructure-demolishing incidents such as an entire city being flooded and wrecked, the planet being shattered into pieces, among others.

And you wanna know something funny? In Sonic Generations, Classic Sonic is explicitly stated to be Sonic from the past, which checks out considering how he behaves less maturely and is proportionally much smaller. And then in 2015, the Classic Sonic style guide comes out.

15.

15.

15.

Somehow. Some. Fucking. How. Classic Sonic is listed as 15... While Modern Sonic is listed as 15 too. Oh, Amy is also listed as 12, by the way. Despite that being her (ALLEGED) age in Sonic Heroes.

Unless they're from different universes or something, there's no way-

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE

Yeah, so, Sonic Forces released 2 years after that guide. And it tried, emphasis on tried, to retcon Classic Sonic into being an entirely separate character. This was, however, later undone by Sonic Origins both re-establishing the Classic games as taking place in the past, on top of a TailsTube episode saying as such; that Classic Sonic is, indeed, from the past. It's even stated that Modern Sonic is who Classic Sonic grew up to be!

IDW doesn't make our job any easier, either. This is information from when the Tangle & Whisper story was ongoing;

However... I'd take it with a grain of salt, as it's from before IDW was considered canon, and back when Sega was much more strict on the mandates and what they did and didn't allow in Sonic media. Plus, this was still the age listed on Sonic Channel, before they removed it.

Oh yeah, that. Why don't we talk about that?

On October of 2022, all the ages on Sonic Channel were removed.

This... Was a good move. SonAmy is still being pushed ever so very slightly, with Amy's crush still being present in a recent short even if she's much more mature about it now, which would make their age difference less than ideal. On top of that, the ages really just didn't line up chronologically speaking.

So, where does that leave us now?

In this interview, Takashi Iizuka is asked about Sonic's age; to which he responds that "He's a teenager."

"Teenager" is a bit of a loose definition, probably on purpose. Generally speaking, the range for teenager ranges from anywhere to 13-19, to 13-21 depending on who you ask. Some people make the cutoff at 18, though that's almost never done when it comes to scientific material.

So, let's recap. Sonic is still considered a teenager, but he's always been considered one, all the way back from the Classic series. So, we can safely assume Classic isn't 15; either that, or he was, and the modern series takes place during anywhere from 2-6 years, which I could believe. Either way, he's at minimum about 13-14, as he's a younger version of Sonic who hasn't hit a growth spurt yet.

Then, we have anywhere from 1 to 2 canon birthdays for Sonic, depending on whether you count Runners as canon or not (which I would admittedly not at all fault you for not considering it canon, considering it's a mobile game; and a discontinued one at that), as well as a 6-month timeskip during Forces, potential 5-month timeskip during Heroes (which isn't the most unbelievable proposition or anything, considering it would be a bit weird if Shadow was presumed dead only to show back up like a week later), and a bunch of events that have caused severe structural damage to key locations in the world, namely during Sonic Unleashed and Sonic Adventure 1 as the 2 biggest examples. Oh, and Sonic Forces throwing absolutely everything into disarray on a seemingly global scale, which would take quite a bit of time to be fixed, specially considering that's still an ongoing process in IDW.

On top of all this, it's outright shown that these things don't just happen every week or whatever, things happen off-screen, characters get time off to do their own stuff, and from the looks of it, Murder Of Sonic The Hedgehog is canon, as nothing there conflicts with canon and it's officially endorsed. Which means WE HAVE YET ANOTHER FUCKING BIRTHDAY PARTY, FOR AMY THIS TIME.

Further proving the point i just stated, let's look at the geographical Prison Island. This is what it looks like in Sonic Adventure 2.

A big, mechanical prison complex made out of nothing but cold hard metal. Filled with robots, not a single trace of nature in sight. Said nature however is not too far from these military bases, though! These forests are also on the island.

So, these are the two main parts of Prison Island. Abundant nature, and military facilities. There's very little difference once the story progresses further, though, as the island...

Fucking explodes. (Clip from Sonic Adventure 2 Real-Time Fandub. Credit to SnapCube.)

So, why is this relevant? Well, we revisit this location in Shadow The Hedgehog! The game, not the guy.

As we can see, there is no longer any difference between nature and construct. The base has been completely abandoned, and overtaken by the nearby forests, with greenery sprouting all over it. Now, it's not impossible that plant life in the Sonic series grows a bit faster than real plants, but methinks that an entire military base doesn't get overtaken by nature this hard within a month. There's entire new trees, grass and plants growing all over what was previously pavement, not even the walls are safe! Every single area is either covered in toxic waste, plant life, or both. Plant life that, again, needs time to grow. So there's likely a pretty big chunk of time between Sonic Adventure 2 and Shadow The Hedgehog, even though they're only separated by 1 game, Sonic Heroes.

Add that to the many many reasons these things can't just happen on a week by week basis! On to my next point...

No, proportions don't really mean anything in terms of age. Sure, Vanilla is quite big, and so are the conductor and his wife, but Rouge is undoubtedly an adult and her proportions are more or less the same as everyone else. So all they help distinguish is between children (Tails, Cream) and non-children. In this exact screenshot we see that Vanilla is much taller than rouge, almost being at eye level with each other despite Rouge sitting on an elevated surface, while Vanilla is standing. This height difference is also present in the games, although we rarely get to see them next to each other.

So, all this taken into account, the fact Sonic has been a teenager since the Classic series, the fact there's been a few timeskips and at least 2 birthdays, several events that would need some time to recover from, specially with a still-ongoing recovery process after Forces, the fact Elise is allegedly 17 in 06 (which would make her whole romantic subplot with Sonic even more uncomfortable than it already is by default if he was any younger than say, idk about 16 years old at the least), among many other reasons that I may have forgotten to mention, the chances of Sonic being 15, hell, even 16 are very, very slim. At the very least, he's got to be about 17, and he could honestly be as old as 19 or 20 (depending on whether Iizuka meant he's of adolescent age or a teenager).

So, if you do still view Sonic as a minor, that's perfectly fine, and honestly believable; but with all these facts stacked up, as time goes on, it will be less and less likely that him being underage will be a real possibility. This isn't the Pokemon anime. There's actual structure, lore, and a proper sense of scale; and something like Sonic's age being frozen at 15-16 just wouldn't make any sense.

All this to say, Sonic is, most likely, no longer a minor. There's some wiggle room where he could be one, but 18-19 is the most likely option, specially considering how Frontiers was comfortable with pitching his voice down. Yes, it was for the sake of the game's tone, but Tails's voice for example didn't have that much of a difference to it, because he's a child and it would be weird for a character to sound so much older than they actually are- and this goes for Sonic too.

So, in conclusion, after extensive analysis and every source I could find for Sonic's age taken into account;

You can, most likely, fuck Sonic The Hedgehog.

...

BUT IT'S NOT OVER YET.

We need to take both his other iterations into consideration, as well as address characters whose fuckability status depends on him. First, the alternative versions.

Movie Sonic

This one's a kid. On top of acting much more immature and inexperienced, outright described as irresponsible- hell, Tom even says "Whether you wanna hear this or not, you're still just a kid. You've got some more growing up to do before you're ready to be the big hero". He acts like a kid, is referred to as a kid, and hell, it makes sense, the movies so far have adapted Sonic 1-3&K, the games where Sonic was still just starting out his adventures.

Prime Sonic

This one's... More uncertain. He's definitely quite immature and inexperienced; though he feels more... Reckless than anything else. More of an attitude problem than an age problem, really, considering how Amy and Shadow act, two characters who should be about the same age as him, but that act much more maturely for the most part.

This one's pretty up in the air, I'd say, considering how Prime seems to be comfortable having their own versions of the cast (going by how different Shadow seems to be and how he has seemingly no attachment to Rouge, who is one of the people he trusts the most in canon).

Oh yeah, I haven't watched season 3 yet, but I doubt it changes much of anything about this judgement.

THE SONIC-DEPENDENT ONES

THE ROBOT SONICS

While they're all likely able to consent (... Okay, Mecha MK. 1 is a bit more dubious on whether it's sapient), it would probably be unethical to fuck something that's made to look like someone who's a minor. While they were made when Sonic was definitely a minor, he isn't one anymore, and the resemblance is still there to pretty much the exact same degree, so there's really no ambiguity here.

You can fuck them. Go ham, robot-fuckers.

SCOURGE

Look, we're not covering the mess that Archie can be. But from what I gather, Sonic is, at most, 17 pre-SGW. And this is just an alternate version of that Sonic, who likely didn't go through all the uber weird shit that makes Archie Sonic's age a nightmare to deal with. So, no, unfortunately for a lot of you, you probably can't fuck Scourge. Fortunately, though...

SURGE

Surge's age is, according to this post by IDW artist and writer Evan Stanley, around Sonic's age. So, what goes for the hedgehog goes for the Tenrec, you can most likely fuck her. Go ham.

... Elise?

She was 17 during 06, and some time has passed since then, and it would be weird if she had any bigger of an age gap with Sonic, plus plenty of time has passed since 06, so... I guess you can? I don't see why you would, but power to you, I suppose. Can't judge.

MIGHTY AND RAY

These two have been here since SegaSonic The Hedgehog in the arcades, which happens even before Sonic 2 does! Ray is never once really implied to be young, no matter how much he may seem like Mighty's Tails equivalent (Which... He's not meant to be. He was made before Tails.), and he's most likely about even with Mighty, who is most likely the same age as Sonic, seeing how they're meant to be parallels (down to Sonic's sprites being rehashed for his sprites in Chaotix), and the Japanese manual for Knuckles' Chaotix listing him as 16.

They're here mostly because Mighty is a partial Sonic counterpart, and Ray tends to be anywhere that Mighty goes these days, so they might as well be treated as a package deal.

So, yes, you can most likely fuck them... Even if we have absolutely no idea what their modern versions look like. Seriously, where the hell have they been? At least we know they're fine, considering it's been stated that they're off on their own adventures these days.

Aaaand... That's it! That's all the Sonic-dependent characters I could think of, at least ones that I think don't really merit their own posts. TL;DR

Metal Sonic, Mecha Sonic, etc: Fuckable Scourge: Unfuckable Surge: Fuckable Elise: Fuckable Mighty: Fuckable Ray: Fuckable

The "Fuckable" marks should go with an asterisk, as Sonic's status is "Most Likely Fuckable", but still.

Phew. Finally done. I've spent pretty much all goddamn day writing this. Hopefully this is useful for someone. Hopefully. God knows it'll make my job easier.

I'll just go write the alt text and go eat something, this took... Way longer than I'd like to admit. See you when the post goes up.

Go ham, you beautiful horny bastards.

Edit: Future OP here! I had to remake this post because the DIC bit earlier somehow triggered some weird copyright stuff on Tumblr, basically hiding the post from anyone who isn't directly looking at the blog. In the meantime, I added that bit about Prison Island to further add to his potential fuckability. So his margin for being a minor is even smaller now! How fun! Anyways, now I'll be seeing myself out for the time being. Thanks, and have fun.

#sonic the hedgehog #sth #sonic prime #paramount sonic #status: fuckable #metal sonic #mecha sonic #scourge the hedgehog #surge the tenrec #mighty the armadillo #ray the flying squirrel

[canyoufucksoniccharacters]

captain cringefail himself

↑image source↑

Can you fuck Infinite The Jackal?

This is... A new one. Quite literally! He's only existed since Forces, so there's not much content for him. An age was never listed, and his only appearances outside of Forces have been in non-canon games. On top of that, he gets very little spotlight in IDW, as it takes place after the events of Sonic Forces. Matter of fact, they're not allowed to use the jackal at all or his squad! His backstory was all they were allowed to make. Which, speaking of...

He's a mercenary. In fact, he's been one long enough to gain the title of "The ultimate mercenary", something which while not outright impossible for a non-adult to acquire, would be a bit strange would typically be reserved for characters on the older side. He also has a scar on his face, something not typically found on younger characters. He's also probably killed people. Because he's a mercenary. Also, I don't think people would be keen on hiring a mercenary that's not even old enough to drive.

So yeah, Infinite being a mercenary combined with nothing pointing to him being particularly young means there's about a 99.9% chance you can fuck him.

STATUS: FUCKABLE.

... This one was easy. Am I the only one who feels like this was too easy? This isn't right. What's the point of these if not to be challenged and informed on your Sonic (series, not the guy) related knowledge? Other than validating people's horniness, but that's an aside. This isn't enough, methinks. I-

SQUEAK

... What was that.

Oh.

Oh no.

#infinite the jackal #status: fuckable #sonic the hedgehog #sth #coming soon

[canyoufucksoniccharacters]

CAN YOU FUCK CHAOS?

... Y'know, the Sonic character. Not the abstract concept. You can't fuck concepts, last I checked. Might be wrong, though.

WARNING: SONIC FRONTIERS SPOILERS. Yes, the game's been out for a bit, but some people haven't played it yet, so be warned- it'll be cited often in this post, as it had some enormous lore drops related to Chaos, the Chao, and the Chaos Emeralds.

Strap in, this is a long one. At least, a bit longer than the usual post.

I would start with age, but that's kind of stupid. We know how long Chaos has been around, we know it's immortal, and we know it's pretty much a deity. Hell, Sonic Channel didn't even try listing an age, it was just listed as ''Unknown" while it was listed. Chronologically speaking, it's been around for over 3000 years. It's also not really been dormant dormant by any means, sure it's spent most of its life sealed inside the Master Emerald, but still seems to be able to come out of the emerald when needed or desired- such as during the events of Sonic Battle, where it came out of the emerald seemingly with the sole purpose of meeting Emerl and requesting a battle with him (At least, it can be interpreted as such, since you get the option to battle or not battle Chaos when you encounter it ingame).

On top of that, it's been implied that it protects the Chao from within the emerald one way or another, so it's about as old as the chronology would imply- although it likely can't physically age, considering the way the Chao life cycle works. If it did age, it would either be a really, really slow aging process, or it would have reincarnated by now, as Chao do once they're old enough. It isn't stated whether it was an adult or a child when it "mutated", but it's never been implied that it was a child, and considering the role of protector it assumes over the Chao of Angel Island, it's likely not a child.

You might say, though- it's still a mutated Chao! Chao are either weird sorta perma-babies, animals, or both, and they probably shouldn't be fucked. And I would maybe agree with you, before Sonic Frontiers came out, buuuut...

Yeah, these guys.

The Chao, as implied by Eggman in Egg Memo 11, are the remnants of the Ancients, after some kind of radiation corroded their DNA for countless years to the point where they turned into what we now know them as. Chaos' mutation seems to be less so a Chao becoming bigger and more powerful, and moreso the remaining DNA of the Ancients being brought back to the forefront and slightly regaining its form, seemingly more in the image of the anthropomorphic animals that now inhabit the world. Even the visible brain was there from the start- although it's hard to see on the adults, likely due to the amount of blur and sepia tone used for the flashbacks of the Ancients. The children have them pretty visible, though! Likely due to background color, amount of blur, etc.

This may seem like a red flag when it comes to Chaos, since the brain is always plainly easily visible, but it's clearly not an intended key feature or anything of the sort, and most likely just a result of the game's artstyle, as the concept art doesn't have the brain visible on any of the different Ancient types.

Interestingly, Chaos doesn't really seem to match any of these one to one- the visual similarity is obvious, and they're confirmed to be related genetically speaking, but Chaos has no pointed shapes on its hips to differentiate gender, and additionally has 2 small tendrils on the sides of its head that resemble the ones on the elders, but are far shorter than what is shown ingame and in the image; and on top of that, it has a short tail, for whatever reason.

Gender-related side tangent aside (it probably has no gender anyways, and it's all the better for it), clearly Chaos shows all the physical maturity needed, but...

Can it consent? Should you fuck Chaos? Is it ethical?

We're not exactly able to resort to our usual methods here, so let's pull out an ancient internet artifact- one that has been referenced and cited plenty of times, and is generally considered to be a good guide as to whether or not you should fuck a fictional being.

Ladies, gentlemen, those in between, and all those not entirely convinced of the societal construct that is the gender binary, I present to you;

The Harkness Test.

Now, aside from the fact that this image is visibly and verifiably old enough that smelling it would probably direct about 500 grams of dust straight into your lungs, it's generally a good guideline without any real holes in it. So, let's go by the boxes one by one- in reverse order, that is. Because it works better for the format.

Is it of sexual maturity for its species?

Although it likely can't reproduce- yes. I mean, this should be obvious by now; there is absolutely no implication that it was a child at the time of its mutation, and it very clearly resembles adult Ancients, as opposed to the children, which lack the long tendrils on both the adult Ancients and Chaos's heads. So, by all accounts, despite its ageless status, it's clearly of sexual maturity for both of the species that could be referenced for it.

Check.

Can it talk or otherwise communicate with language?

Chaos can't talk. Obviously. The Ancients somehow could, despite not having a mouth or lungs or vocal chords or anything of the sort, much like Chaos itself. BUUUUUUT-

This moment from Knuckles' story in Sonic Adventure implies that Tikal is able to communicate directly with Chaos, meaning that on some level, it can communicate and understand language- further reinforced by a later cutscene in the final story, where Tikal talks to Chaos to calm its anger, explaining that the fighting that angered Chaos in the first place is long over, and that the Chao it protected are alive and well, living in peace alongside people.

So, clearly, it can understand words, and it can communicate with some people, so best case scenario you can find a way to directly communicate with Chaos verbally, and worst case scenario you can get Tikal (or uh. her ghost?) to translate for you, although that might be a bit awkward considering it's unlikely that Tikal was an adult when she died, but it's really your only option. She probably knows what sex is anyways, she can be a mediator, doesn't need to get involved past that. Yes this is a very silly hypothetical scenario, but hey, it's there and it could help you out if you wanna fuck this thing.

Check.

Does it have human intelligence (or greater)?

This one is... Complicated. Again, Chaos can't speak directly, and the aforementioned line is all we have to go off of- and it's unclear whether what Tikal said is Chaos's exact wording, or what she gleamed from communicating with it somehow. On top of that, Chaos is strung along quite easily by Eggman; though Eggman loses control of Chaos entirely once it acquires the 7 chaos emeralds, so this could be interpreted as Chaos going along with the plan with full intent to stab Eggman in the back once it has all the power it needs to let out the anger that it's been building for so many years.

So, SA1 doesn't give us too much on this end. In Sonic Battle, though, it's shown fighting with a decent degree of technique, using its stretching properties for some tricky maneuvers, as well as poking its limbs out of the ground. It's definitely a capable fighter, and while it's not a martial artist by any means, there is a degree of technique to what it does, which would make sense considering the Ancients had dedicated warriors which likely had fighting prowess outside of just using mechs.

That's really all we have on that end as far as games go, since the Chaos in Sonic Forces isn't exactly real, and brain size isn't that good of a frame of reference either since the brains of the adult ancients are quite hard to see and blurry- although the size does mostly seem to match up, adjusting for how small the Ancients' heads look compared to Chaos's.

Our only guide from this point on is Sonic Channel artwork, which is non-canon but should still provide a decent enough guideline.

One of these is obviously much more serious than the other- although they both look really nice. The way Chaos is shown kneeling on the left image implies a capability for body language similar to that of people, although the purpose of the pose is quite ambiguous- it could either be accompanying Tikal in whatever ritual is being performed, or be trying to mimic her position, similar to that of a prayer, in a sort of "Monkey see, monkey do" manner.

The right one is obviously completely impossible (I don't think the ancient echidnas knew how to make pizza, let alone make entire diners- although their food probably slapped. Probably.) and is mostly just there to look cute, but it still does show Chaos doing something that requires a large amount of technique. It's cooking! And it seems very good at it, judging by the pizza Tikal is holding. I'd try one, it looks really good! ... Shit, now I'm hungry. Anyways.

These images, although non-canon, do depict Chaos with a level of intelligence similar to that of humans, one more than the other- although it has full freedom to, considering it's the sillier and clearly more for-fun of the two, no matter how hard it's rocking that little chef's outfit. It seems more or less in line with its behavior in the flashbacks and Sonic Battle, with a few creative liberties.

So while it can't talk, it seems to be about even with humans. Think something like Gardevoir and Gallade from Pokemon.

Check.

So, to recap; Is it of sexual maturity for its species? ✅ Can it talk or otherwise communicate with language? ✅ (Though you may need some assistance, ideally from Tikal.) Does it have human intelligence (or greater)? ✅

Chaos passes the Harkness Test.

So, with all this taken into account, we can come to a verdict. I would normally write a conclusion, but this post is long enough as is. And so, the verdict is...

You can, with some effort and maybe a bit of help, fuck Chaos.

I know a lot of you are gonna be very, very happy about this one. Go ham.

#apologies for the self-reblog; i posted this one pretty late so a lot of people probably didn't see it.

[canyoufucksoniccharacters]

CAN YOU FUCK CHAOS?

... Y'know, the Sonic character. Not the abstract concept. You can't fuck concepts, last I checked. Might be wrong, though.

WARNING: SONIC FRONTIERS SPOILERS. Yes, the game's been out for a bit, but some people haven't played it yet, so be warned- it'll be cited often in this post, as it had some enormous lore drops related to Chaos, the Chao, and the Chaos Emeralds.

Strap in, this is a long one. At least, a bit longer than the usual post.

I would start with age, but that's kind of stupid. We know how long Chaos has been around, we know it's immortal, and we know it's pretty much a deity. Hell, Sonic Channel didn't even try listing an age, it was just listed as ''Unknown" while it was listed. Chronologically speaking, it's been around for over 3000 years. It's also not really been dormant dormant by any means, sure it's spent most of its life sealed inside the Master Emerald, but still seems to be able to come out of the emerald when needed or desired- such as during the events of Sonic Battle, where it came out of the emerald seemingly with the sole purpose of meeting Emerl and requesting a battle with him (At least, it can be interpreted as such, since you get the option to battle or not battle Chaos when you encounter it ingame).

On top of that, it's been implied that it protects the Chao from within the emerald one way or another, so it's about as old as the chronology would imply- although it likely can't physically age, considering the way the Chao life cycle works. If it did age, it would either be a really, really slow aging process, or it would have reincarnated by now, as Chao do once they're old enough. It isn't stated whether it was an adult or a child when it "mutated", but it's never been implied that it was a child, and considering the role of protector it assumes over the Chao of Angel Island, it's likely not a child.

You might say, though- it's still a mutated Chao! Chao are either weird sorta perma-babies, animals, or both, and they probably shouldn't be fucked. And I would maybe agree with you, before Sonic Frontiers came out, buuuut...

Yeah, these guys.

The Chao, as implied by Eggman in Egg Memo 11, are the remnants of the Ancients, after some kind of radiation corroded their DNA for countless years to the point where they turned into what we now know them as. Chaos' mutation seems to be less so a Chao becoming bigger and more powerful, and moreso the remaining DNA of the Ancients being brought back to the forefront and slightly regaining its form, seemingly more in the image of the anthropomorphic animals that now inhabit the world. Even the visible brain was there from the start- although it's hard to see on the adults, likely due to the amount of blur and sepia tone used for the flashbacks of the Ancients. The children have them pretty visible, though! Likely due to background color, amount of blur, etc.

This may seem like a red flag when it comes to Chaos, since the brain is always plainly easily visible, but it's clearly not an intended key feature or anything of the sort, and most likely just a result of the game's artstyle, as the concept art doesn't have the brain visible on any of the different Ancient types.

Interestingly, Chaos doesn't really seem to match any of these one to one- the visual similarity is obvious, and they're confirmed to be related genetically speaking, but Chaos has no pointed shapes on its hips to differentiate gender, and additionally has 2 small tendrils on the sides of its head that resemble the ones on the elders, but are far shorter than what is shown ingame and in the image; and on top of that, it has a short tail, for whatever reason.

Gender-related side tangent aside (it probably has no gender anyways, and it's all the better for it), clearly Chaos shows all the physical maturity needed, but...

Can it consent? Should you fuck Chaos? Is it ethical?

We're not exactly able to resort to our usual methods here, so let's pull out an ancient internet artifact- one that has been referenced and cited plenty of times, and is generally considered to be a good guide as to whether or not you should fuck a fictional being.

Ladies, gentlemen, those in between, and all those not entirely convinced of the societal construct that is the gender binary, I present to you;

The Harkness Test.

Now, aside from the fact that this image is visibly and verifiably old enough that smelling it would probably direct about 500 grams of dust straight into your lungs, it's generally a good guideline without any real holes in it. So, let's go by the boxes one by one- in reverse order, that is. Because it works better for the format.

Is it of sexual maturity for its species?

Although it likely can't reproduce- yes. I mean, this should be obvious by now; there is absolutely no implication that it was a child at the time of its mutation, and it very clearly resembles adult Ancients, as opposed to the children, which lack the long tendrils on both the adult Ancients and Chaos's heads. So, by all accounts, despite its ageless status, it's clearly of sexual maturity for both of the species that could be referenced for it.

Check.

Can it talk or otherwise communicate with language?

Chaos can't talk. Obviously. The Ancients somehow could, despite not having a mouth or lungs or vocal chords or anything of the sort, much like Chaos itself. BUUUUUUT-

This moment from Knuckles' story in Sonic Adventure implies that Tikal is able to communicate directly with Chaos, meaning that on some level, it can communicate and understand language- further reinforced by a later cutscene in the final story, where Tikal talks to Chaos to calm its anger, explaining that the fighting that angered Chaos in the first place is long over, and that the Chao it protected are alive and well, living in peace alongside people.

So, clearly, it can understand words, and it can communicate with some people, so best case scenario you can find a way to directly communicate with Chaos verbally, and worst case scenario you can get Tikal (or uh. her ghost?) to translate for you, although that might be a bit awkward considering it's unlikely that Tikal was an adult when she died, but it's really your only option. She probably knows what sex is anyways, she can be a mediator, doesn't need to get involved past that. Yes this is a very silly hypothetical scenario, but hey, it's there and it could help you out if you wanna fuck this thing.

Check.

Does it have human intelligence (or greater)?

This one is... Complicated. Again, Chaos can't speak directly, and the aforementioned line is all we have to go off of- and it's unclear whether what Tikal said is Chaos's exact wording, or what she gleamed from communicating with it somehow. On top of that, Chaos is strung along quite easily by Eggman; though Eggman loses control of Chaos entirely once it acquires the 7 chaos emeralds, so this could be interpreted as Chaos going along with the plan with full intent to stab Eggman in the back once it has all the power it needs to let out the anger that it's been building for so many years.

So, SA1 doesn't give us too much on this end. In Sonic Battle, though, it's shown fighting with a decent degree of technique, using its stretching properties for some tricky maneuvers, as well as poking its limbs out of the ground. It's definitely a capable fighter, and while it's not a martial artist by any means, there is a degree of technique to what it does, which would make sense considering the Ancients had dedicated warriors which likely had fighting prowess outside of just using mechs.

That's really all we have on that end as far as games go, since the Chaos in Sonic Forces isn't exactly real, and brain size isn't that good of a frame of reference either since the brains of the adult ancients are quite hard to see and blurry- although the size does mostly seem to match up, adjusting for how small the Ancients' heads look compared to Chaos's.

Our only guide from this point on is Sonic Channel artwork, which is non-canon but should still provide a decent enough guideline.

One of these is obviously much more serious than the other- although they both look really nice. The way Chaos is shown kneeling on the left image implies a capability for body language similar to that of people, although the purpose of the pose is quite ambiguous- it could either be accompanying Tikal in whatever ritual is being performed, or be trying to mimic her position, similar to that of a prayer, in a sort of "Monkey see, monkey do" manner.

The right one is obviously completely impossible (I don't think the ancient echidnas knew how to make pizza, let alone make entire diners- although their food probably slapped. Probably.) and is mostly just there to look cute, but it still does show Chaos doing something that requires a large amount of technique. It's cooking! And it seems very good at it, judging by the pizza Tikal is holding. I'd try one, it looks really good! ... Shit, now I'm hungry. Anyways.

These images, although non-canon, do depict Chaos with a level of intelligence similar to that of humans, one more than the other- although it has full freedom to, considering it's the sillier and clearly more for-fun of the two, no matter how hard it's rocking that little chef's outfit. It seems more or less in line with its behavior in the flashbacks and Sonic Battle, with a few creative liberties.

So while it can't talk, it seems to be about even with humans. Think something like Gardevoir and Gallade from Pokemon.

Check.

So, to recap; Is it of sexual maturity for its species? ✅ Can it talk or otherwise communicate with language? ✅ (Though you may need some assistance, ideally from Tikal.) Does it have human intelligence (or greater)? ✅

Chaos passes the Harkness Test.

So, with all this taken into account, we can come to a verdict. I would normally write a conclusion, but this post is long enough as is. And so, the verdict is...

You can, with some effort and maybe a bit of help, fuck Chaos.

I know a lot of you are gonna be very, very happy about this one. Go ham.

#chaos 0 #sonic the hedgehog #sth #status: fuckable

[canyoufucksoniccharacters]

The main man of “I’ll crush you!! 😡”

Mecha Sonic.

For robotic doppelgangers of Sonic, generally refer to this post. So, this one's a TBA too.

#status: tba

[canyoufucksoniccharacters]

ilvr

Our favorite boy!! I think this is a good way to start talking about the heavy hitters for this blog, and gets us on our way to talking about the blue blur himself.

Unfortunately, I'm probably gonna be breaking a lot of hearts on this one, probably. Let's get to it, why don't we?

Can you fuck Silver The Hedgehog?

Alright, let's get started. As always, we're gonna look for an official source- and Sonic Channel is the only official source on this matter. I've got to clarify, again- these ages are no longer listed. They were removed around the time of Frontiers' release; around October of 2022, specifically. So, these are taken from the Wayback Machine.

Alright's let's see here...

This is... Our youngest yet! Or, well, allegedly youngest, anyways. Again, these ages no longer hold any weight (if they ever did, anyways, which they likely didn't.) since they're unlisted. Unlike the other ones, this one doesn't seem to be sourced from anywhere. I could check every single manual for every game Silver has been in, but that's way above my paygrade. I checked 06, and ages are listed absolutely nowhere. However...

I can tell you for sure that this age is actually not baseless. Let's quote Shun Nakamura, game designer for Sonic Team. Before the release of Sonic 06, The Sonic Stadium conducted an interview with Nakamura. One of the questions was this;

"Silver is young and a little immature, but that's also what attracts me."

Silver was, from the start, written and designed as a young and inexperienced character. It really does show, too- in just about all his depictions, he's much less mature than both Sonic and Shadow, the characters he resembles the most. He's just about always depicted as a rookie, still learning; which is admittedly not inherently a trait of a young person, as even adults are still learning every day and can be inexperienced in whatever field they're thrown into, but it's very clear Silver's youth is meant to be linked to his inexperience.

Additionally, this isn't an outdated statement at all- after all, IDW can help us out here!

This is repeated again in Issue 64, the one right after the one this is sourced from, Issue 63.

Note the different background color... Despite everything else being the same.

These profiles are used on the start of Issue recaps. Although you might question me using IDW as proof, there's good reason to believe it's either canon or pretty damn accurate to the source material. In the form of...

Confirmation from Ian Flynn himself! Reminder, he's the main writer for these games now! He wrote Frontiers, and likely will keep writing Sonic Games going forward. He also writes most of the stuff for IDW, so that's worth taking into account. So either IDW is canon, or it reflects the canon of the games.

To top it all off, a personal point that I'm bringing up purely for my own nerdy reasons- Silver's inspiration.

Here's a quote from the leaked script of Sonic 06;

"He possesses some special powers which can draw upon the Emeralds. It is unknown how he got these powers, though. Essentially, think Trunks from Dragon Ball Z."

The character being talked about here is Future Trunks, a time traveler from the future who goes back in time to warn the cast about the Androids that destroyed his future, so they can train in preparation for the invasion, as well as giving Goku medicine for a heart virus he succumbed to in the timeline Trunks comes from.

Trunks, much like Silver, is young and inexperienced- being 17 years old at the time of his arrival in the present. He does later go into the Hyperbolic Time Chamber, a space where one year inside the chamber equals to one day outside of it, so by the end of the arc he's older, but still- he's young, most certainly underage, inexperienced, rash, and has a very strong sense of justice. Trunks is the direct inspiration for Silver, it's has been stated as such. So, with all this, it makes sense that Silver would be younger than everyone else around him, as was the case for Trunks.

So, with all this, Silver is undeniably younger than everyone around him, and it can't really be by a slight amount, otherwise it wouldn't be considered an important part of his character. This still holds true to this day, if IDW is anything to go by. Although he does have one slight saving grace- the passage of time. Time absolutely does pass between Sonic games, with at minimum a year and a half having passed since the modern series began (1 year due to Sonic's birthday in Generations, 6 months from the Forces timeskip) as well as, less verifiably but still worth taking into account, the PSN description for Sonic Heroes saying the game takes place 5 months after Adventure 2. There's some leeway for him to be of age in modern day, and it will get more likely as the series goes on, but it's a small margin.

Conclusion:

Silver is, most likely, underage. He's seemingly the youngest non-child character, he's consistently portrayed as inexperienced and naive, and overall, it's very very unlikely he's an adult. The chance isn't 0%, admittedly; again, the passage of time in the series gives him some leeway, and that leeway will only get larger as the series continues, so there's some small chance that he's an adult, aka able to consent, but it's small. You would be playing a risky game, and I could not possibly bring myself to endorse it.

So, the verdict is;

You, most likely, cannot fuck Silver The Hedgehog. There's a small chance that you can, but it's very small, and I would not recommend risking it.

not sorry for the Dragon Ball side tangent. it's good. really good.

#silver the hedgehog #sonic the hedgehog #sth #status: likely unfuckable

[canyoufucksoniccharacters]

CAN YOU FUCK KNUCKLES THE ECHIDNA?

Here he comes, rougher than the rest of 'em. The best of 'em, tougher than leather. You can call him Knuckles. Unlike Sonic he doesn't chuckle, he'd rather flex his muscles. He's hard

Our oldest character thus far, in terms of game release dates! Not counting Metal Sonic, since his fuckability status is currently MIA until Sonic himself is tackled. Funny enough, this one's gonna be pretty easy, despite how major of a character he is- but I'm getting ahead of myself. As usual, we'll start with Sonic Channel archives, because clearly those are a reliable source of information. Clearly. No sarcasm there whatsoever. Totally.

Hm. So... Sonic Channel says he's 16! Oh no! He's not fuckable! Welp, you heard it here folks, you can't fuck Knuckles Th

Oh. This again. Gentle reminder that these ages are nowhere to be seen in the original Japanese manual. They were likely made up on the spot by some guy Sega USA with very little communication between anyone who may be an even remotely qualified to say anything on these ages. Oh, and here's proof that the age is not listed whatsoever. Alongside a link to the entire Japanese manual.

So, that's out the window! How will we ever know if Knuckles is fuckable? How could we ever, ever know?

... Oh.

So, as we've covered previously, Rouge is, in fact, very thoroughly fuckable. She is the most sexualized character in the series, and her often suggestive nature and behavior is pretty integral to her identity. So, she's an adult... Who has been Knuckles's shiptease ever since Sonic Adventure 2, and continued to be so in official material, canon or not. Although it's not explored often, it's still thrown in here and there. Not a subscriber myself, but the fact that the official content is so willing to have this going on shows that they're at least even in terms of maturity. Otherwise, this would be weird! Really, really weird! And I do not wanna live in a world where my favorite gender-envy-inducing bat lady is going after minors.

So, his interactions with Rouge already ensure that, unless Sega is promoting really creepy behavior, Knuckles is most certainly an adult who can consent and could absolutely be in a relationship with another adult. On top of that- even if his age of 16 from his Heroes manual was true at the time of that game happening, there's something the series almost never touches on that would instantly invalidate it-- completely ignoring the fact the ship had already been teased before Heroes, in SA2, which would, again, make it really weird--, which is that believe it or not, despite these being funny anthro cartoon animals with magic powers or whatever, time does still pass in the Sonic universe. Sonic Generations shows the cast celebrating Sonic's in-universe birthday, and Sonic Forces has a 6-month timeskip in the middle of the game. Add on top of that the fact that a metric fuckton of games have come out since Heroes and likely didn't just happen within the same week, there's absolutely no way that Knuckles could still be 16, assuming he even was 16 in the first place when Heroes came out, which he most likely was not.

Yes, it's a series with cartoon animals that often adheres to cartoon logic, but if it was completely batshit insane and had no sense of time whatsoever or any ability to take its timeline and worldbuilding seriously, there wouldn't be an entire lorekeeping team at Sega now, would there? Yes, that's a thing. As of somewhat recently, matter of fact! But, that's a side tangent.

So, with all that, let's answer the question;

Can you fuck Knuckles The Echidna?

I mean... Yeah? Obviously?

He's literally being soft-shipped with the sluttiest character in the series by a long shot in official content, he's been around the longest out of anyone in the cast, already being incredibly familiar with the island he inhabits and skilled in his debut game, and overall has no traits that could point at him being that young. Again, he's probably about on average with Rouge on that end. So, yes-

You can, in fact, fuck Knuckles The Echidna.

I know some of y'all are going to be very happy about this one. Buncha furries. Again, hey, I'm not judging. You go have fun.

#knuckles the echidna #sonic the hedgehog #sth #status: fuckable

[canyoufucksoniccharacters]

hi again

Metal Sonic, huh? I get it, this is a largely robosexual site. Alright, then;

Can you fuck Metal Sonic?

... It's a robot. Unless Eggman specifically programmed him to be a minor, which is never implied, he should be, by default, able to consent.

Specially if we take Neo Metal into account! He forms a lot more of his own personality, and shows a level of maturity just about even with your average Sonic villain. As much as he seems to hide it these days, he is very much his own individual.

So, Metal Sonic, on his own, can definitely consent- or, rather, there's no reason to believe he can't. However...

He is based on Sonic. And, if Sonic IS a minor, then it would probably be a bit weird to fuck the robot based on him, even if the robot can consent. Maybe unethical? It's weird, really. Not exactly a discussion I'm all that ready to have, specially not one fit for a monologue.

This post is less about if Metal Sonic can consent, because that's an easy Yes- it's something else. Bringing attention to a looming threat. Something we will have to tackle in due time.

The question of if you can, in fact, fuck Sonic The Hedgehog. A question with a long, complicated, headache inducing answer. And... It's not exactly time to answer that question yet. It's too early, after all. I'd rather get a few other characters out of the way first.

So, for now, the little blue rat gets in the way of the verdict. I know the answer, but it's no fun if the twist is revealed early, right? So for now... You'll just have to wait. Blame him, not me.

Verdict: TO BE ANNOUNCED

#Metal Sonic #sonic the hedgehog #sth #status: TBA

[canyoufucksoniccharacters]

Honey The Cat! This is a bit of a niche pick, but I can roll with it. Fun fact about this one, she's only kind of a Sonic character, she's more like a fursona for Honey from Fighting Vipers! In fact, if I remember correctly, the engine for Sonic The Fighters was built off of the one for Fighting Vipers- that being the reason Honey was originally meant to be implemented as a secret character, only to be scrapped, fully functional, until the console re-release, where she was made fully, legitimately playable. All that aside, her origin might help us answer-

Can you fuck Honey The Cat?

Hey, that's our third cat in a row!

First, I must warn that I am not very well versed in Archie content, which is where this character got most of her content. Her game of origin has pretty much no character dialogue whatsoever, and she only gets a few non-speaking cameos in IDW. So, I will mostly be looking around online for potential relevant information.

Let's start with solely Sonic-related information first. We'll look at Fighting Vipers later.

In Archie, apparently she's the founder and CEO of a clothing and accessories company- although considering this is Archie we're talking about, this isn't that particularly good of an indicator of age. This could very much be a Seto Kaiba situation where a character, by simple cartoon/anime logic, is a CEO of a company at an unreasonably young age. Her behavior also leaves very little to be gathered about her age- not particularly childlike, but not exactly all that mature either. From behavior alone, she could be anywhere from a teenager to a young adult.

So, that doesn't exactly help. Let's look at her human counterpart from Fighting Vipers for help!

In Fighting Vipers 1, she's listed as 16 years old- which is... Very, very concerning considering the contents of this game! As both her armor and skirt are breakable. Incredibly creepy behavior from Sega aside, this isn't the only game where she appears; as Fighting Vipers got a sequel! In fact...

Said sequel takes place 2 years after the original game, placing Honey (the human) at 18 years old. Problem solved, right? Well...

There's a bit of a release date problem here.

As you can see here, Fighting Vipers 2 only released after Sonic The Fighters- so, Honey The Cat is based on the 16 year old Honey from Fighting Vipers. If we're to assume that they share the same age, that places Honey firmly at 16 years old at the time of Sonic The Fighters.

Although... We've got to account for the fact that STF is a classic series game. And as of the release of Sonic Origins, the classic series is, in fact, set in the past. No, it's not an alternate/parallel universe, fuck off Ken Pontac.

So, if Honey were to appear in a modern game, logically, she should be an adult- by how much is unclear, but she could easily be around the 20 range.

So, if it's game Honey we're talking about, unless they aged her down for STF, she should, in fact, be fuckable.

As for Archie, though... I'm unsure. The arc she appears in is an adaptation of Sonic The FIghters- the game where she was presumably 16. Again, her position as CEO doesn't exactly change much here, and if she was 16, that'd put her solidly around the same age range as all the other post-SGW characters that aren't outright children. Much like anything Archie-related, it's a mess.

So, with all that considered, from the perspective of both the games and comics-

Can you fuck Honey The Cat?

Well... I'd be cautious. Unless there's confirmation from Ian Flynn or someone else who wrote for her and is a reliable source, and unless she appears in a modern game, it's a bit of a risky endeavor. Sure, we can assume she's 16 during her debut game, a classic series game, but there's no guarantee whatsoever. She could have aged down, they could have just not thought of her age, it's all rather unclear.

So, until we get confirmation one way or the other, which we likely never will considering the nicheness of this character, it's about a 50/50, and a very unlikely chance for Archie, where she actually gets some personality and her own identity.

Verdict;

Proceed at your own discretion.

There's a chance you can fuck her, but there's also a chance she is, in fact, a minor, much like the character she was based on at the time of her creation. Really, there's too little to say for sure. I probably won't judge you if you go for it, but there's also more than enough reason for someone to want to steer clear.

This is possibly our most complicated case thus far!

... Thus far.

#honey the cat #sonic the hedgehog #sth #status: euclid #ask

[canyoufucksoniccharacters]

Requests are open, by the way! If you want to know if you can fuck any given character, just ask! Anything goes! Just be warned, I'm less well versed in Archie and SatAM stuff.

#sonic the hedgehog #sth