chocolatemillkk

[chocolatemillkk]

Party (JS)

I put the final bottle of champagne behind the mini bar and adjust the cocktail bowl slightly to the left. I look around the living room, the grand Christmas tree was still up as it usually was until after New Year’s. The whole place was covered in string lights, outlining the furniture and hanging from the ceiling. This was the famous New Year’s Eve party my parents have been throwing since before I was even born and this year was the last one I’d be attending for a while, I realise sadly. This time next year I would be living in LA, in my first year of university and my parents planned to come down for Christmas and be back here for New Year’s. I wouldn’t come along. I always looked forward to this, guess I’d have to savour it the best I could.

Both my mom and dad were only children which meant growing up they made a lot of friends along the way and each year our parties got a little bit bigger, more and more families coming together for their New Year’s eve party. I always looked forward to two though, the Michaels and the Suggs.

“Are you done daydreaming?” My sister comes up from behind me. “Because there should be appetizers that need rearranging or something according to mom.”

“I’m on it,” I say mock-seriously. My mom really went all out with the food and my sister and I always teased her about it. My sister, Liz, had started uni this year but luckily she was only in London. A lot of our friends her age weren’t though, so we were missing a lot of people this year. But at least Joe would be around, I think. And Zoe.

“Put these near the piano,” my mom hands me a plate as I make my way to the kitchen. “Don’t drop them!” I pretend to struggle under the tray which earns me a stern look. “You should get ready,” my mom reminds me. “There’s only an hour before guests start coming!”

I run up to my room after gently placing the tray where my mom wanted it and put on the dress I had bought for the occasion. It was deep green satin with a plunging neckline and a leg slit that went up to my hips—a shorter skirt lay underneath so I wasn’t flashing the whole party. I usually wasn’t this risky but I figured the occasion called for it. The sleeves are almost bell-like, and I do a twirl before the mirror, excited to see how people liked it.

Who was I kidding, I wanted Joe to see me in it.

It was silly, there was half a year before I was leaving this place, but more than half my life that I’d been crushing on Joe Sugg. Sometimes, I thought he knew how I felt, I thought I was quite obvious as a kid. For a second, I thought maybe the feeling was mutual. But after truth or dare in the seventh grade, I’d tried my hardest to hide whatever feelings I had for him. I wondered if he’d noticed.

“Truth or Dare,” Olivia asks my sister, Olivia Michaels was our neighbour growing up and the one who introduced my sister and I to the world of beer and rock and roll. My sister and I were good friends with her and her younger brother Felix.

My sister choses dare and Olivia has her eat one of the gross drink concoctions we made earlier. A few rounds later, my sisters asks me.

“Dare,” I say, feeling brave.

“I dare you to kiss either Joe or Felix,” my sister says smugly.

“What? I-“

“It’s a dare!” Zoe laughs and I look at Felix, he was a couple years younger than me-he was a child...and Joe was my huge crush. There was no way I was going to have my first kiss with him like this; with popcorn in my teeth and my lips stained with popsicles.

“Unless you’d like to kiss them both,” my sister teases.

Not wanting any more pressure, I lean over and peck Felix on the lips. I can’t help but sneak a glance at Joe as I go back to my seat and everyone laughs at Felix’s flushing cheeks. But he looks uninterested.

A few rounds later, Felix asks Joe and Joe picks Truth.

“Who would you date from this circle?” Felix asks. My heart plummets into my stomach. Joe looks around, avoiding my eyes and that makes my heart race faster. He had to know how much I would die to date him. To call him anything more than my best friend.

“Liz,” Joe says my sister’s name and I felt sick. Of course he liked her better than me, she was smarter and prettier than me. I was just his best friend.

“Aw you’re cute,” my sister pinches Joe’s cheeks and his sister joins in. I excuse myself but I didn’t think anyone even noticed.

A knock at my door reminds me there was a party about to go down, or already going down, I realise as I hear voices already. “How long are you going to take? Mom wants you downstairs to greet everyone!” Liz calls through the door.

“I’ll be a minute!” I say. I take my new christmas present-an eyeshadow kit my mom had given, and the lipstick my sister gave after I used most of hers, and put on my makeup, feeling like a grown up already. So much was changing and I was buzzing with excitement.

I skip downstairs and greet everyone the way I usually did every year. This year everyone asks about school, I tell them my LA plan and they wish me luck. Over and over. Until Joe walks in with a bottle of something in his hand and I run to him, nearly knocking him down as I throw my arms around him. He smelled like the cologne he reserved for special occasions, and the soap he always used. I could never tire of it, of him.

He was as handsome as ever, a clean white button up tucked into black trousers. He’d cut his hair recently but I sort of liked the way he styled it, the soft layers looked bouncy.

“You look handsome! Where’s Zoe?” I ask.

“Food poisoning,” he hands me the bottle and I take it from him, stepping a bit back so he could see my outfit but he continues on without comment. “Mum’s stayed home with her, the bottle’s from her.”

“Duh, as if you could afford this,” I tease, pretending like my heart wasn’t just stabbed by his nonchalance. He follows me in as I sneak the bottle past my mom and hide it in the kitchen, it was a tradition for us kids to get drunk on our own stash we steal throughout the night.

“Where’s everyone else?” Joe asks. “Your sister?”

I ignore the ache I get in my chest, “Oh doing her rounds probably. Pretending she’s an intellectual because she’s done one semester at uni.”

Joe laughs and I love the sound, especially when he laughs at a joke I make.

“You-“

“Y/N! There you are!” Felix and Olivia pop in, interrupting Joe, and I give them both hugs. Olivia had brought her boyfriend this year so we get introductions and a quick catch-up before Olivia goes to find Liz and I’m left with Felix and Joe. Felix had grown to be surprisingly handsome, in a nerd chic sort of way. If it wasn’t for the fact that he was younger than me, I could have even considered dating him.

“So Y/N you look really amazing tonight,” Felix says.

“Aw thank you,” I say. “You look quite chic tonight too, is that suspenders you’re wearing under your jacket?” I tease Felix until he’s pink in the face before I turn to Joe who looks bored. I loop my arm through his, “Want to get something to eat? I’m craving some shortbread cookies.”

“Yeah. If we’re having our own party later on we don’t want a repeat of ‘09,” Joe jokes. That was the first year we had all snuck a bottle of wine from the party and drank it on an empty stomach. None of us had a good time.

“Don’t remind me,” I shudder before I call behind me. “Felix you coming?”

Joe stiffens beside me but we walk on.

•••

After a dozen devilled eggs and shrimp cocktails, I lose everyone to the crowd and find myself alone near the stairs. I watch the crowd and bask in the togetherness the holidays brought on, I would miss this a lot. I almost didn’t want to go when I was in moments like these, but I knew what I wanted from life and I knew I couldn’t stay in dreary UK for it.

As I look around with the room so full of lights, the corners of my vision suddenly warp and distort into a blurry mass. I blink a few times but it remains. This was so not happening.

I sit myself on the step and close my eyes, placing my head on my knees but as I do that, the nause creeps in. This was getting serious. Perfect.

I go up to my bedroom quickly and close the blinds, shutting the room in darkness. I unzip the side of my dress to give my room to breathe and lay down.

Of course I had to get a migraine the day of new year’s eve. My last party for a while. I groan and turn to the side, blindly groping for any pill bottle, not wanting to risk turning on my phone light.

I lay in the dark, I don’t know how long. Time passed slowly in the dark, the only thing I could hear is the muffled sound of the party downstairs. My phone vibrates a few times but I don’t dare look at it. I wanted to nip this migraine before it could come full force. I couldn’t believe this was how my year was going to end, I think. And without meaning to, the tears leak out from my eyes. Stupid migraines and stupid Joe Sugg! He hadn’t even noticed what I was wearing, he didn’t even care. He fancied Liz more than I and I was still crushing on him like an idiot. I wasted my high school years waiting for him. And now I was going to graduate soon, with no history of a relationship and no...

A soft knock interrupts my pity party. I wait again as the knock sounds, just to make sure I wasn’t hearing it.

“Y/N,” it was Joe.

I swipe at my face, pulling my blanket over my face. “I’m here,” I say. “You can come in.”

I hear the door creak open, the noise from downstairs flooding through before the closed door muffles it again.

“Migraine?” Joe asks. We’d been friends long enough that he knew exactly what was going down. I sense him standing at the edge of my bed, the room still in darkness.

“Yeah,” I inch the blanket off my face. It’s not like he could see my makeup streaks in the dark. “Great timing right?”

“Can I do anything?” Joe asks. God, I scoff, I thought I could just turn my feelings off for him but him just asking that brings them back full force. “Maybe some water...”

“I’ve got water,” I say. I sense him shifting around the room.

“Didn’t you used to have those ice packs?” Joe knows his way around my room, he often came over when we did homework, or in the summer before we would go out with our other friends. He locates where I kept the freeze packs and he cracks them, walking towards my bed and sitting on my sheets. “Here.”

He places one on my neck and I flinch at the cold.

“Sorry,” he mumbles before putting it back on.

“It’s okay,” I whisper, the cold already numbing the throbbing in my neck. “Thanks Joe.”

“It’s nothing,” Joe whispers back. I take the pack from where his hands hold it and hold it myself as I gently turn in bed, the little light streaming in outlines his sitting figure.

“You don’t have to stay here,” I let him know. “Go back to the party.”

“It’s no fun if you’re not there,” Joe says. He slowly inches himself down beside me and the smell of him invades my nose. Oh no.

“Joe your cologne-“ I say and he quickly gets up.

“Oh shit right,” Joe stands and I see the shape of him pace away from the bed. “Uh, I can go home and change-“

“Oh my god,” I let out a laugh and cut it short as my head throbs. “You’ve left so many shirts here when we go swimming in the summer. Just put one on if you want to stay here so bad.”

“I’m just here to avoid everyone asking what my plans after school are,” he jokes. “Are they in the bottom drawer?”

“Yeah,” I respond. “Tell them you’re still figuring it out.”

“Everyone here has kids who are doctors or some shit,” I can hear the Joe changing and I try to keep the inappropriate thoughts at bay. “That’s not an acceptable answer.”

“Who cares what they think though,” I say. Joe joins me back in bed, laying down to stare at the ceiling as I look at his profile, barely illuminated by the light peaking through my blinds.

“Sometimes I do,” he says quietly.

I find his hand and squeeze it. He squeezes back and then turns to me. “So are you going to tell me why you were crying before I came in?”

“I was not crying,” I lie.

“You so were.”

“Was not.”

“Was too,” fingers graze my jaw and I’m busted. “Your face is still wet.”

“Fine,” I sigh. “I was just upset I was missing the party.”

“And?”

“I dunno, it’s my last party for a while!”

“Oh yeah,” Joe quiets down. A moment passes. Then another. “I’m gonna miss you.”

“We still have like 7 months together, don’t cry for me just yet.”

“You’re the one that was crying,” Joe shoots back.

“Shut up!” I joke. “Can’t you let me win? I have a migraine!”

“How is it?” Concern creeps back into his voice.

“The usual, I just have to tone down my senses. It’ll get better.”

Joe’s hand moves up to my face and cups it, my heart fluttering, the blood rushing to my face and joining the dance my migraine was putting on in my head.

His hand creeps up into my hair and suddenly his hand is plucking out the pins from my hair, and putting it on my bedside. Of course he was just being helpful while I was getting all bothered. “Do you want to get into something more comfortable?” He asks. I try to ignore the way I felt with his body hovering over mine in the dark but my mind blanks for a moment. “Y/N?”

“Oh I have every intention to go back to the party later,” I say. “This dress stays on.”

“It’s a great dress,” Joe says.

“It is isn’t it,” I say, noticing how uncomfortable Joe was getting. He actually noticed. Why didn’t he say anything earlier?

“I mean,” he clears his throat. “You looked...beautiful.”

I pause, pure joy rushing through me. Joe noticed me, he said I was beautiful. And oh god, all these things happening in my body were not helping my migraine. But I wasn’t about to tell Joe that.

“Thank you,” I say softly, too afraid to break the moment.

“It’s nothing new though,” he says just as softly. “You always look beautiful.”

I look at him, squint in the dark to try to read his face but it’s hard to. Was he saying this because I was having a shitty time or did he actually mean it?

“Not as beautiful as Liz though,” I deflect, deciding he was just taking pity on me. “She’s the one with the looks in the family.”

There’s a deafening silence around us, I can hear my heart beating in it. He wasn’t denying it, I want to cry.

“She is...beautiful sure, but you’re something different Y/N. You bloody take my breath away every time I see you.”

I want to cry for other reasons now. Was this really happening?

“Sorry,” Joe interprets my silence as rejection and begins sitting up to go. “The dark’s just made me stupid, I said way too much and-

“Joe,” I try to cut through.

“You obviously just, you need to rest and I’m-“

“Joe Sugg,” I say again and grab his hand. “Lay back down you big idiot, your blabbering is making my head pulse.”

“Right,” Joe lays back down but I can hear his quick breathing. I was glad to know he was just as nervous. I still have hold of his hand and I place it around my waist, inching closer to him.

“When?” I have to ask.

“Do you remember when we had our second friendiversary?” He asks. I did. We met when we were both 7 after our parents had set up a play date and we got along so well we knew we would be friends instantly. We’d spit on our hands and shaken them, declaring that day our friend anniversary, and we’d celebrated most years since. “You had your parents drop you off on your way home from your nana’s because it was our friendiversary and we didn’t see each other all summer. And your nana gave you cookies for the ride home, and you saved me the peanut butter ones? I don’t know, when you came in that day I just took a look at you and I had butterflies in my stomach. You were there ever since school let out and I’d missed playing with you for so long. I think I realised I missed you more than just a friend that summer. And when I saw you-“

“I actually remember.” I join. “Because you had just stared at me with your mouth open. And I just put the cookies in your open mouth. I was angry I thought you were looking at me like that because Liz had put gum in my hair a week before and my nana had to cut a lot off.”

“Yeah,” Joe chuckles. “I remember that too.”

“And since then?”

“Yeah,” Joe’s hand curls around my waist.

“What about the seventh grade? Truth or dare?”

“You bloody kissed Felix!” Joe exclaims.

“I...you picked my sister because I kissed Felix? He was like 10!”

“I was stupid.”

“Was? If I was feeling better I would be slapping you right now.”

“Good thing you’re not,” Joe tugs me closer. Our faces are inches apart, and I want to lean over and just kiss him so bad.

“What’s taken you so long,” I whisper, my fingers resting on his face.

“Scared I would ruin our friendship. You’re so much better than me, I thought you would laugh if I told you.”

“You are so ridic-“

“Shh,” Joe shushes me. “Do you hear that?”

I quiet down and listen as the party downstairs begins counting down to New Year’s. Suddenly my hands are clammy, this was it. I was going to kiss Joe Sugg once and for all.

“5...4...3...” Joe whispers between us.

“2...” I get out before Joe closes the space and kisses me, his lips so soft, my head feeling like it would explode. And not just because of the migraine.

“Wow-“ Joe gets out before I go in for a second kiss, the cheering downstairs drowns out as I pull Joe closer to me, closer, finally the love of my life was in my arms.

We’re moving too quickly, a wave of nausea hits me and I pull away.

“Sorry was that too quick?” Joe panics.

“Head,” I say as I squeeze my eyes shut.

“Shit,” I feel him sitting up and hovering over me, probably looking for the ice pack because soon the cold feeling returns to my temples.

“Thank you,” I whisper. He places a kiss on my lips as I stay still, trying to ease my nause. I feel a kiss on my jaw, then my neck. “Do you have to go home?” I ask.

“Nope,” Joe shifts beside me, I feel him get under the blanket, and he pulls me close to him. He lays his hand gently over me and I settle in beside him. What a New Year’s.

•••

“Y/N!” My sister’s voice wakes me and my eyes fly open. She stands in my doorway with her jaw open and I realise she’s staring at the weight on my right side. Joe.

“What?” Joe mumbles, awakened by my sister barging in.

“Oh my god!” My sister squeals. “It’s happening!” She runs out my door. “It’s happening!” She yells out to whoever was awake. And if they weren’t awake, her commotion sure woke them.

“She’s crazy,” I mumble before turning to Joe, the evening rushing to catch me up. He’s still only half asleep. When I call his name, he only groans and pulls me closer to him, hiding his face into my neck. My heart flutters, it felt like we’d always been together like this.

I allow myself the small pleasure of running my hands up into his hair and he groans into my neck, lifting his face up to look at me. Suddenly he starts laughing.

“Way to make a girl feel confident,” I’m suddenly self conscious as I get up.

“You do realise you’re in yesterday’s outfit? Including your makeup?” Joe asks, his voice hoarse.

“Shit!” I run to my mirror and laugh at what I see. “I’ll be back!”

I grab a spare shirt and move to the bathroom where I clean up and brush my teeth. My skin looked awful having slept in makeup but the glow I felt from waking up next to Joe kills any issue I might have had with it.

When I get back to my room he’s already up, the bed is made, and he’s folding his clothes from yesterday.

“You didn’t have to do all that,” I say as I walk to him. Immediately he catches my hand and pulls me in.

“Your head?” He asks.

“Great. Yours?”

“Clear as day. Glad it listened to my heart this one time.”

A smile creeps onto my face as the realisation of what he said settles in but pulls me in and kisses it off.

“Happy new year Joe,” I whisper when we part, pulling him in for a tight hug.

“Happy new year Y/N,” Joe whispers back. “I think it’s going to be the best one yet.”

#joe sugg #thatcherjoe #joe sugg imagines #joe sugg imagine #buttercream imagines #buttercreams #youtube imagines #jack maynard #caspar lee #fic #new year imagine #qd

[chocolatemillkk]

CM III

It was finally winter break and I was excited to make it back home. Conor and I were also going to break the news to our friends.

“Why can’t it snow in London,” Sam complains as we huddle around a table at a nearby pub. “Then the cozy atmosphere would actually make sense.”

“I’m glad it hasn’t snowed.” Fran shrugs. “This is my only time off from work and snow means everything is closed.”

“You’re the only person I know who steps out when it’s frigid out,” Jessie shakes her head.

“I love summer,” Meg says.

“That’s because you can justify your wardrobe,” I tease and the group laughs but I notice Meg was still being odd with me. She laughs but it’s more like an exhale and a smile.

“So guys,” Jessie glances up at Sam and then looks at each of us. Conor had been silent beside me, texting someone on his phone that he called business. I nudge him and he puts it down, placing a discreet hand on my thigh.

“We have news,” Sam says and I feel warm inside-already knowing what it might be.

“Last week on my birthday...” Jessie looks at Sam with shining eyes and he looks at her like she was the solution to any problem he ever had.

“I proposed to Jessie at her mum’s home.”

“Aw mate I’m sorry she said no,” Conor interrupts and we all shoot him a dirty look.

“Conor!” I scold and he laughs at me, pulling me in to kiss my cheek. When we look at the group they’re staring with shock.

“Oh my god,” Fran squeals.

“Y/N?” Jessie asks.

“No!” I hit Conor’s arm. “Us later! You two first! I want to hear what happened! Conor way to ruin their surprise!”

“Shit,” Conor apologises.

“Cheers,” Meg raises her glass and drains it which makes us all laugh and breaks the shock enough for the happy engaged couple to continue. We clap and tease them about becoming boring now and when that’s done they pester us about how we became a couple. Conor shares more detail than he probably should have and it’s our turn to be teased mercilessly by our friends. But Conor wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me closer to him and the warmth of his body and his breath in my ear when he tells me he was happy makes the moment feel so perfect. But I should have known happy things didn’t last long where Conor and I were involved.

I found the opportunity to ask Meg a couple hours and many drinks later. Fran was being hit on by a guy we all bet was younger than her and Sam and Jessie were being gross and romantic. Since Conor was on the phone outside I’d asked Meg if she wanted to step away from all the lovey mush and get a drink. She’d simply nodded and we walked to the bar.

“Hey,” I touch her arm to make sure she’s listening. “I don’t know if I’ve done anything to make you angry but I feel like I have and I just want to say sorry. I noticed you’re...a little distant from me and I don’t-“

I stop when Meg rolls her eyes.

“What is it?” I ask.

“You’re always such a damn saint,” she says. “How you ended up with that little devil is beyond me.”

“I don’t get it.” I stand, my heart sinking faster and faster. I always love Meg for her snark but it was never directed to me like this.

“Of course you don’t. Conor’s always been in love with you, you always had him even when you didn’t want him. Even when other people wanted him. I was stupid to think he would ever want me.”

“Can you just spell it out for me because I don’t understand what you’re saying,” I snap.

“I’ve been in love with Conor for ever Y/N!” Meg snaps back. “It was painfully obvious but you never even noticed! And I thought he liked me too because he’d always call me up at night to talk, always ask me for help with music, always fucking teasing me. So I kissed him! And he kissed me! And we went back to his. And then you showed up for your stupid birthday and he realised that I was a mistake. That’s exactly what he said. It was a mistake. So there.”

I don’t know how to feel or what to say to make the situation better. Never in a million years did I think this was why Meg was upset.

“Why didn’t you even say anything about Conor?” I ask stupidly.

“Where would that have gotten me when we all knew he was crazy for you.” Meg replies. “It doesn’t even matter.”

“Wait!” I call when she grabs her drink and walks away. “I didn’t know any of this! I’m sorry I-“

“I don’t need your pity. God Y/N!” Meg eyes are dark and she looks at me like she hated me. “Just let me fucking be.”

Suddenly, I’m angry. No. I’m furious. How could Conor play her like that and then lie to me when I asked him how he realised he loved me. How could he leave out such a big detail that he’d been with somebody else in our group of friends. How could he do this to us?

“I need to get going,” I lie when I get back to our table. I grab my coat and slip it on. “I told my mum I wouldn’t be out too late since I just got back.”

“Aw no, we barely talked!” Jessie detaches herself from Sam to give me a hug.

“We’ll talk soon,” I say, tears threatening to choke me up. So when we say goodbye and I turn my back, my tears fall freely and without care. But I forget Conor was right outside and when he catches sight of me he quickly catches up.

“Y/N! Why are you-what’s going on? Where are you going?”

“Just leave me alone!” I shout.

“No wait!” He catches my sleeve and turns me around. “Where are you going? Why are you crying?”

“You’re a big fat liar!” I feel snotty and a mess but I jab my finger into his chest and it feels good. “You’re a liar and just a fboy! You don’t care about anyone but yourself and I can’t believe I believed you loved me! You lied to me!”

“What are you on about?” Conor grabs ahold of my elbows. “Where-“

“You slept with Meg!” I shout so loud the whole of England probably heard. And the person who needed to hear it backs away when I say it.

“She told you?” Conor has the audacity to sound angry.

“Of course she did! Since you were planning on keeping me in the dark! I can’t believe I listened to your bullshit! You led her on! And all along you didn’t even want her!”

“I didn’t realise!” Conor raises his voice. “I only realised-“

“After you had your way,” I say. My voice had toned down but it was laced with fury. “After you used her you realised it wasn’t her you wanted. I’m surprised you hung around after we had. Surprised you didn’t move on to Fran or Jessie.”

“What the f are you on about?” Conor combs his hair back, his eyes frantic. “I wasn’t lying when I said I loved you! Doesn’t that matter?”

“I don’t care.” I say, my breath coming out in a white puff. “I may have just lost my best friend Meg because you were sleazy and couldn’t decide which girl you wanted. I don’t care that you love me. Don’t follow me.”

With that, I leave Conor behind and trek to the bus stop to take me home. Why did I ever think Conor could be a sweet-hearted boy. How did I convince myself he’d changed in any way.

[chocolatemillkk]

CM II

It’s down the street from the station. Next to the flower shop.

I glance at the text again and back to the building beside the flower shop but it looks empty. I walk up to the door and someone opens them, revealing the lit interior. I rush in, paranoid that somebody would tell me I didn’t belong and take the lift to where Conor said.

“Hey,” he spots me as soon as I enter the room. There’s two other guys in the room with him but he walks over to me before introducing me.

“Hey...” I say, slightly confused why I was getting such a big introduction.

“Alright,” one of the men looks from me to Conor and smiles. “We’ll check back in soon.”

“Did you want something to drink?” Conor asks, his voice a little higher than usual. “Or we could grab a bite later?”

“That sounds perfect,” I say. “Is somebody a little nervous?”

“Me?” Conor huffs. “No! No wa-okay maybe a little. It’s the first time I brought someone from the group here.”

“Hasn’t Sam been here?”

“Besides him. But it’s different with him. And you.”

“Right.” I shift as we make intense eye contact again. The energy in this room was going to make me crazy. “I saw the coffee on the way in-did you want anything.”

“Nope.” Conor picks up his guitar and sets it down again.

I give an awkward smile and rush out. Oh god I made the worst decision coming here!

I busy myself with the coffee but I keep thinking about the pain I was going to have to endure for the next few hours. I’ve only myself to blame.

When I get back to the room Conor’s back is to me and his headphones prevent him from noticing me. I take a seat on the couch and sip my coffee as I listen to him hum and press a few keys. I wonder how it sounded on headphones.

“Oh-you’re here.” Conor jumps when he spots me. “I’m working on the chorus wanna listen?”

“Yeah!” I grab the headphones he extends to me and the next few hours pass as he slowly builds the song and goofs off about lyrics in between. I have more fun than I thought and see a more focused and passionate Conor. It was really good to see.

“Was that a guitar or your stomach?” Conor asks later.

“Totally a guitar!” I joke.

“Let’s eat.” In a second he’s putting away his gear.

“But your song?” I ask.

“It’s basically done. Thanks to you.”

“I did nothing but make weird faces while you sang,” I laugh.

“Nah you helped the process. Helped with the flow.” Conor shrugs.

“The flow?” I snicker.

“Shut up,” he tugs my ponytail.

I tug my hair back and it falls silent between us as we enter the lift and down onto the street. It’s still oddly silent as we walk to a nearby cafe and still so as we order our food.

But it’s not uncomfortable. Just silent.

“So,” Conor begins when we sit. “You’re leaving on Sunday?”

“Yeah,” I reply. “I’ve got so many errands to run between now and the-“

“Do you think uh...can I drop you to the station? When does your train leave.”

The awkward interruption ripples between us and I feel a fuzzy feeling spreading from my stomach.

“Yeah! I leave at 8am so you might actually have to set an alarm this time.”

Conor groans, “Fine-I’ll wake up for you.”

I’m shocked for a moment. “Is this a prank? Where’s the real Conor?”

“No! I’ll set an alarm I swear on-on my next single!”

“That’s kind of sweet.” I smile at him.

“You’re just realising?” Conor bluffs.

“It took a long time to get past the sour exterior,” I wave my hand around him. “But who knew Conor Maynard could be sweet?”

“Hey um remember that text I sent you? About the last time we saw each other?”

I stare at Conor who’s ripping his napkin. Not this.

“Yeah,” I barely croak out.

“And what I said...I um...”

“It’s okay,” I rush in. “I forgot about it anyway.”

“You did?” Conor looks either surprised or annoyed but I wasn’t good at reading him.

“Oh yeah,” I lie. “All nonsense. We don’t need to talk it out.”

“Cool,” Conor nods. “Nonsense yeah, cool.”

It falls silent and I feel like someone’s punched me in the gut. We focus on our lunches but this time the silence feels heavier.

Conor and I only see each other when our friends went for drinks in the evening. We don’t hang alone or talk about the peculiar few days we had of getting along. Now, actually, he doesn’t even tease me and I wonder what I’d done.

So it’s due to that that I assume he’d forgotten about dropping me on Sunday yet at 7am I get a text from Conor to say he was parked in front of my complex.

It’s just a fifteen minute ride, I remind him.

I know, Conor responds.

When I make it down with my suitcase in tow he puts it in the back himself and we begin the ride in silence. I couldn’t take this.

“I thought you may have forgotten.” I start off. “With the complete radio silence on your end.”

“Just been busy,” Conor mumbles. “But I promised.”

“Yeah but I’m surprised you woke up this early.”

“I haven’t actually slept all night,” Conor glances at me and I notice the bags under his eyes.

“Aw,” I tease. “Too nervous seeing me?”

Conor chuckles. “I was finishing up that song we were working on. I wanted you to hear it before you left.”

“Oh wow yeah,” I’m at a loss for words. “I’d love that.”

“Good,” Conor glances at me again and we hold gazes before he breaks it to look at the road again. “It’s your song.”

We drive for a few minutes before he hands me his phone and instructs me on how to get to it, saying he might still make a few changes. It take a while as Conor’s organization was terrible but I find the file. “October Y/N” Before I play it he says he wants honest feedback and I agree, thinking I would be in a place to give any criticism but when it starts to play I don’t find a single flaw.

Even though I sat in on the chorus of the lyrics and caught a few lines as Conor tested it that day, nothing prepared me for the heartbreak of the song. It felt like Conor was revealing his underbelly, showing me his softer inside. It was a feeling of falling voluntarily to someone who’s arms were willing to catch me. When the last note sounds, I look at Conor and his eyes are challenging my own to say how I felt.

I look down at his hand and slip my own into it, giving it a squeeze. I catch him smiling, unable to reign in his happiness, and he brings my hand to his lips and kisses it.

We freeze.

“Shit I didn’t mean-“ Conor begins apologising as I let out a nervous laugh. “It was just the moment.”

“Was it?” I ask as Conor turns into the train station.

“Yeah the song was ending and I was hyped on excitement I-“

“Conor.” I stop him from rambling. “Did you mean what you said that night on my birthday.”

It’s always been hard to get Conor to stop talking but the simple question made him mute. He runs his fingers through his hair and avoids my gaze before staring at my collarbone.

“I meant it.”

He meets my eye and I smile to let him know I wasn’t upset about it. If anything I was relieved. It meant I wasn’t the only one and it meant that I might finally know what his felt like.

I lean forward an inch and Conor does too but he doesn’t stop there, he holds me by the neck and it happens. It finally happens.

I finally understood what girls meant when they were in love. There was a bounce to my step and a grin permanently plastered on my face. Conor and I texted always and Facetimed a few times a week. He even made the trip down to school a couple times and we’d gotten as close as we could get.

It was the first time he’d stayed over and we were getting dressed the next morning to go out for breakfast.

“When did you realise you liked me?” I asked Conor as he fussed with his hair.

“What?” He turns.

“We always had a hate relationship right? I didn’t realise until after my 20th. When did you realise?”

“Uh,” Conor doesn’t meet my eye. “I liked you for a while.”

“Yeah,” I grow a little frustrated. “But like, when? Why were you still so annoying after you realised?”

He shrugs. “I dunno. It was sort of our thing.”

“Okay.” I give up.

“What?” Conor senses my annoyance and walks towards me. “Do you want a specific time and date or something?”

“No! Don’t be ridiculous!” I turn away from him to put on my earrings. “I just wanted like, a vague time.”

“The day before I told you. I realised it’d been you all along.”

I pause, “What happened for you to realise that suddenly? Was it something I said?”

“Not exactly,” Conor wraps his arms around my waist and presses me to him. “Something someone else said made it click. That I loved you.”

My hands freeze on his around my waist. Although he’d said it that day he never used the L word after. Conor senses my discomfort as he removes his hands.

“Sorry is it too soon? I mean I’d already said it but-“

“No.” I face him. “I just didn’t expect to hear them.”

The shock of hearing my former frenemy turned lover saying that he loved me wears off by the time he had to leave Sunday night. Enough so that I said it to him back and he’d kissed me so intensely that someone waiting for his train had told us to get a room. I’d retreated, red faced and made sure to avoid eye contact as he left.

#conor maynard #conor maynard imagine #conor maynard imagines #buttercream imagines #qd

[chocolatemillkk]

22 September: Joe photographed by Rosaline Shahnavaz for the Telegraph [HQs]

#your cool econ prof #lol #qd

[chocolatemillkk]

The full story sit here

[chocolatemillkk]

Buttercream Summer Aesthetics

#qd

[chocolatemillkk]

Intensity JS-wip

“We’re dating each other.” Y/N bursts into my room. “Okay? You’re my date.”

“Who-“

“Byron let me in,” she explains before I could ask my question.

“Why-“

“Long story or short?” She plops herself onto my bed and falls back, grabbing a pillow to scream into.

“Is that the short story?” I chuckle as I go back to folding my laundry.

“Long story it is. So you know how going back home for the holidays is always such a pain because my extended family is a pain in the-”

“Yeah-“ I try to get in but she cuts me off.

“And remember I’m always forced to face my ex-the one I dated for two bloody years and who dumped me for my cousin?”

“You’ve mentioned about a million tim-“

“So this year my mum invited that little bitch to ours for Christmas dinner because her parents are travelling the world or some shite and she has no one for Christmas dinner. But here’s the kicker! Turns out she’s still with my ex and they’re engaged now...”

I listen, amused at how fast Y/N zooms through her story. She’s equal parts angry, stressed, and already convinced I would say yes.

“So in order for me to keep the sliver of respect I still have, and not to look like a complete loser who hasn’t held a steady boyfriend since...well...since him. I need to bring a boyfriend home. I thought about bringing home a girlfriend just to freak everyone out-you know...but none of my friends were up for it. They already look at me weird because I do Youtube for a career but-“

“Y/N,” I push my clothes aside and jump onto the bed to push her down. She goes down with a shout and I kneel over her. “Shut up will you? I’ll bloody come as long as I’m back in London by Sunday.”

“Oh you will. Dinner’s Friday and we’re leaving right after!”

“You’re mad you know that?” I shake my head and she delivers a foot to my stomach. I lose my balance and come crashing down onto the bed beside her.

“You’ll see why I’m so mad when I take you home.” Y/N scrubs her eyes.

“I’ll finally ask your mum if she dropped you on your head as a child,” I say, pushing Y/N’s buttons even more. I get the desired response-a string of swear words before she bounces off the bed.

“Now I have to go look for a dress that’ll make me look uh-mazing,” Y/N pauses by my door. “And I’ll pick you up Friday at 3.”

“Alright,” I sit up in bed. “And Y/N?” She turns to look at me, her cheeks flushed and mind whirring, a million miles away. “I don’t think you’re a complete loser.”

I manage to pull her back to the present as she focuses on what I’d just said. She rolls her eyes and sticks up her middle finger before leaving but not before I see the smile grace her face. I lay back down on the bed with the same smile that she never failed to leave me with.

•••

Y/N and I were complicated but at the same time we weren’t. We’d met on New Year’s a few years back and after a flirty night we somehow decided to stay friends. Somewhere along the way we became inseperable. But sometimes I wondered what would have happened that night if I did work up the courage to kiss her like I wanted, or if I asked her out on a date the next time we met instead of asking her if she wanted to join the boys and I for brunch.

Y/N was fierce to the outside world but I knew the softer side of her. The one she allowed me to see after many vulnerable drunk conversations and road trips we often took alone. She was my partner in crime and I was lucky she’d picked me to talk to that New Year’s Eve.

I sit in the passenger’s seat of Y/N eco friendly car-a spot I was so familiar with the seat probably had an imprint in the shape of my bum. Christmas carols play softly through the stereo but I can’t focus because Y/N continues talking through them.

“So not quite a year but almost,” Y/N tries to get our fake history right.

“How about we say we made it official at last New Year’s so it’s easy to remember?” I suggest.

“Oh you’re genius,” she grins a toothy grin. “Yes-oh by the way Josh was telling me about the costumes you ordered for that video? When’s that happening?”

We get side tracked talking about work and by the time we pull up to Y/N’s childhood home, she’s less anxious but its not completely gone. I manage to get her out of the car and hold her her hand as we get to the front door. Her mum opens, trying to hide her shocked expression at my presence but reassuring me she has plenty of food. Y/N’s younger sister barely spares me a glance from her phone, already decided years ago that I was weird after walking in on Y/N and I trying to eat cupcakes without our hands (in all fairness it was for a video). Her dad welcomes me warmly and we’re all sat in the sitting room when the doorbell rings.

“Oh that’s probably Eve and Jim!” Y/N’s mum gets up to get the door.

“Wonderful,” Y/N glances at me and then says something to her sister which sets her off laughing.

Y/N •••

“Y/N,” my cousin sounds scandalized as she observes Joe. “Is this Joe?”

“Yeah,” Joe’s hand circles my waist answering before I could. “Nice to finally meet you.”

“I didn’t know you two were dating,” she eyes our posture and wraps her hands around Jim’s waist. Her fiance. Gross.

Jim greets Joe wearily and glances at me before deciding to concentrate on the Christmas tree. I’m better off without him, I remind myself. Eve and him were a better couple anyway. I had moved on to better things. He wasn’t even that great.

“Yeah we are,” I find my voice. “Joe and I. We’re...in love! Right?”

“Very much,” Joe smiles at me but his eyes are teasing me so I avoid looking into them in case I start laughing again. He made it very hard to stay serious.

“That’s so cute!” Eve says before moving on to greet my sister. I roll my eyes to Joe before we take our seats which happen to be right across from the vacant seats Eve and Jim were going to take. I’m grateful for Joe who wraps his arms around my shoulders and keeps me comforted until dinner. He knows exactly what to do and say to make it believable, even pecking my cheek when Eve asks our first date story which he pulls out of his arse. He deserved an Oscar. I would tell him after.

Joe •••

“So Jim,” I say halfway into dinner. He didn’t speak much but I wanted to know the guy who was Y/N’s firsts. He didn’t seem much her type but I figured there was more under the surface. “What are the plans for the wedding?”

“It’s a summer wedding,” he says slowly. “I thought autumn would be nice but Eve didn’t want to risk bad weather and whatnot.”

“Not just bad weather,” Eve cuts in and begins detailing her wedding plans which Y/N kicks me under the table for starting.

“You see you two going that way?” Jim asks me after a while as Eve continues to explain to Y/N her bridesmaid dress.

“Y/N and me?” I ask, caught off guard.

“Yeah,” Jim laughs, raising an eyebrow. “I can see the way you two look at each other. And she’s a great girl.”

“Yeah...you would know,” It’s easy to slip in my question. “She’s kind of close lipped about what happened with you two...?”

“Really?” Jim glances at Y/N almost like she scared him. “That doesn’t sound like her.”

“Guess not,” I force a laugh. The truth was Y/N went on many rants about how unreliable men were and I knew that was due to Jim, she’d told me vaguely he broke up with her and started dating Eve a few weeks later. But never the details.

“We were young and-“ Jim hesitates and glances at Y/N and then back to me. “She was always a little intense you know? It was just...a little much for me.”

“I think she’s perfectly intense,” I feel myself getting defensive and Jim catches it too.

“Who’re you calling intense?” Y/N says at the same time, her eyes burning...well...intensely.

“Uhm,” Jim shakes his head. “Just talking to Joe-“

“You.” I say. “I was saying I loved your intensity.” Y/N stares at me suspiciously, trying to read whether I was lying or not. “It’s part of your charm.”

“Y/N’s charm is scaring everyone away,” her sister comments and Eve laughs.

“Shut up idiot,” Y/N stares daggers at her sister but she just shrugs.

“Well it’s sort of true,” Eve gloats. “In secondary everyone eventually stopped hanging out with you because you scared them all away.”

“Or maybe it’s because you always bitched about me to anyone who listened,” Y/N bites back but her voice shakes.

“Language,” Y/N’s dad warns.

“Well hey, I’m still here,” I interrupt and grab Y/N’s hand to hold, hoping to change the subject around.

“Yeah that’s cause you’re...weird. Like Y/N.” Her sister eyes me.

“Hey,” Y/N’s mum scolds everyone but I mouth a thanks to her sister and she rolls her eyes. She looked just like Y/N. “Let’s not have this conversation right now please. Eve your plate’s empty would you like seconds?”

“Yeah Eve,” Y/N spits. “Want some sloppy seconds?”

Eve’s mouth drops and Y/N’s parents scold her as her sister giggles.

“So mature,” Eve crosses her arms. “No reason to stay jealous Y/N.”

“Why would I be jealous of pathetic Jim over here.”

“Y/N!” Her mum scolds.

“Y/N you’re-“ Jim starts.

“Shut up!” Y/N cuts Jim off and I almost feel bad for him. “You don’t deserve to talk. Not to my face, in this house.”

“Well you better get over it,” Eve cuts in. “You’ll be seeing a lot of him since we’re getting married and all. He’ll be around for a while.”

“Lucky for you-no competition-your only other available cousin is underage.”

Y/N’s sister’s jaw drops and the table explodes around us. I figure Y/N had taken it too far but she’s already stomping away before I could reach for her. I leave the noisy table and find her exiting the front door. I grab her jacket and make my way outside.

“Do you still like him?” I ask after I hand her her coat. I don’t know why I ask. But it’s suddenly important for me to know.

“Ew gross, Sugg. I thought you knew me better.” Y/N glares at me.

“I do. I’m just wondering why you’re still upset after all these years. You don’t have feelings for him so-“

“I don’t know!” Y/N turns away from me. “I just hate seeing them together. It just hurts! It reminding me every time I do how I was such an idiot, it reminds me of the shitty time I had in secondary, and how Eve always wins at everything. Even my parents take her side over mine even though they clearly see everything she put me through! Jim dumped me because Eve talked bullshit about me all the time and complained to him constantly. He never minded I was so intense but suddenly he was scared away directly into her arms-“

“So fuck him!” I grab her shoulders.

“I already did!” The words fly out of Y/N’s mouth, and she tries to stay angry but her face cracks and suddenly she’s laughing. “Jesus he lost his v-card in the bedroom above from where he sits. I wonder how Eve feels about that.”

I laugh, relieved that Y/N had run out of her rage.

“Y/N,” I tell her. “You’re not scary or a loser. There’s nothing wrong with your job or you intensity. You’re perfect.”

“Is this where we kiss?” Y/N raises her eyebrow.

“No mistletoe,” I look above us.

She rolls her eyes but I glimpse a smile as she looks down. “Want to walk down to my old school? Where nobody liked me?”

“Yeah,” I button my coat and grab her hand. “I’ll beat up all the fake bullies.”

“You don’t have to hold my hand out here,” she looks down at our clasped hands.

“Keeps us warm,” I kiss her forehead and we’re off. She tells me stories from school and I imagine her here walking these streets as a kid. I finally get the full Y/N story by the time we reach the playground. We pause in front of the front entrance and she gazes up at the building. Suddenly, she turns to me and closes her arms around my shoulders, burying her face into my neck.

“I’m sorry for dragging you all the way out here for this shitshow and wasting your Friday.” She says close to my ear. I ignore the shiver that runs through me and wrap my arms around her waist.

“It was fun,” I tell her. “I liked the look on your cousin’s face when you asked her about your sloppy seconds.”

Y/N giggles into my neck before facing me. She grows serious as she scans my face this closely. “I never actually asked anyone else to be my fake date.”

“Hm.” I let the information sink in. “So you wanted to lure me out here all by myself.”

“Sort of,” a mischevious smile plays on her lips. “You got a history lesson out of it.”

“The only one worth paying attention to,” I say just as she tugs my sleeve and is off running towards the staircase leading into the building. She stops at the side, and stands there with her back against it.

“I never asked anyone to be my fake date because I wanted you by my side,” Y/N watches me intensely as she tells me what I already knew, but her confirmation gives me the only push I needed.

“Well,” I step forward, closing the distance between us and her breath catches as she looks up at me. “It’s good. I wouldn’t have wanted any other fake date to be able to do this.”

I lean down and her eyes are already fluttering close as I press my lips to hers and just like everything about her, it’s intense and passionate and entirely electric.

“Why haven’t we done that sooner,” she asks against my lips when we part but my senses are too jumbled to form a sentence. It didn’t matter we hadn’t done it sooner, I pull her into me to kiss her again, it was perfect the way

#joe sugg #joe sugg imagines #thatcherjoe imagines #buttercream imagines #fic #thatcherjoe #qd

[chocolatemillkk]

Self love and care is so important and powerful. Please take care of yourself even on your bad days

#qd

[chocolatemillkk]

“Old partner in crime, I’m going to try to fall in love with you again”

— dodie // Arms Unfolding

[chocolatemillkk]

CM I

Conor’s been a nuisance to me for as long as I could remember. It was stealing my bike when we were four, telling me santa didn’t exist as soon as he found out at six, blaming his shenanigans on me in school in all the classes we had together, and telling every guy I was interested in that I had herpes. The ones who knew Conor, dated me anyway, but Conor could have very well scared away the love of my life-I’d never know.

Ever since we graduated school and I went to college while he focussed on music, we’d seen each other less and the only bothering he did was tagging me in pointless memes. But every so often when I visited home and our gang met up, I would have to put up with him all over again.

“Come over here!” Jessie tugs me as soon as I get out of my uber. Our friends stand around the car parked in front of her house and they greet me while my face stays buried in Jessie’s shoulder

“Tell me it hasn’t been half a year since we saw each other,” Sam joins the hug and Mel says something about taking a picture of us. When they release me I grab Fran in a hug even though she hated them and notice Conor wasn’t around.

“Where’s Conor?” I ask.

“I thought you’d be glad not to see him,” Mel exchanges a glance with Fran but I don’t understand it.

“Just curious,” I say cautiously. “He’s never missed our mini-reunions.”

“He messaged the group, he’ll meet us at the club.” Jessie says. “Probably already attached himself to a girl there. Let’s go before he does anything stupid.”

“In that case, let’s take our time.” I say dryly with a hint of irritation and my friends just laugh.

We pile into the car and eventually find the street after driving in circles for fifteen minutes. “Could that little shite have picked anything more obscure?” Jessie sighs as she parks.

I hadn’t been to our last meet-up a few months ago due to exams and Conor had missed the meet before that so it’d been a little under a year since I saw Conor. The last time was on the weekend of my 20th birthday where he tried to shove a cupcake in my face. But there was a moment I can’t help but remember. As we were waiting for our separate ubers and he’d leaned into me drunkenly, saying something I’d never forget.

“I think I always loved you.”

“Y/N?” Mel snaps. I hadn’t realised the group was already to the door while I stood still on the sidewalk, remembering the way the words felt against my skin.

“Coming!” I hurry, my heels clacking again the pavement. I catch up to Mel and we walk in silence into the club.

“How’s work been?” I ask Mel, the silence becoming too much.

“Been keeping me busy,” she responds quickly. “I think they went that way.”

With that, she walks ahead of me to the bar where our friends are figuring out the drinks.

“Hey,” I pull Jessie aside after we order them. “Is it just me or is Mel acting weird?”

“Mel?” Jessie was the only person I felt comfortable asking since I knew she would always be objective. “She seems fine to me. Why?”

“I dunno,” I couldn’t put my finger on it. Mel was usually silly with me, teasing me that I was becoming a big nerd. But tonight she’d been serious, deliberately cut the conversation short as if she was mad at me. I would ask her if she was alright later, I decide.

“Ladies,” Sam approaches us, wrapping his arm around Jessie. They’d started dating the summer after graduation and it was no surprise to us. A relief actually, to see all the sexual tension built up between them for years disappear overnight. Quite literally.

“Let’s dance?” Jessie asks us but she’s mostly looking to Sam.

“I’ll just finish my drink first,” I smile-I didn’t feel like being a third wheel. Jessie makes me promise I would join in later and I watch them leave, now all alone. I spot Fran and Mel talking but it seems intense so I turn my back to the crowds and lean on the counter.

“Is it hot in here or is it just you?” I hear the familiar gravelly voice in my ear. My heart beats a little faster as my back straightens in anticipation of the stupid routine Conor and I had.

“You’re so full of shite you should probably find a toilet,” I say easily before turning to stare him straight in the eye. Except. He looked different.

I lose my smirk and my defence as I try to remember what I was going to say to him. He looks older; somehow in the last year he’d lost the boyish look and his features were sharpened by maturity...not that he had any....and with that thought, I remember who I was looking at.

“Still a complete arse, I see.” I look Conor up and down.

“A bigger snob than usual, I see.” Conor retorts but it lacks his usual snarkiness too. Almost as if seeing each other knocked us out of the ring we always fought in. I sip my drink as we find our footing still.

“How’s it going?” Conor asks.

“The usual-going to my snobby school and doing my snobby work.”

Conor chuckles. “Nice to know some things don’t change.”

I don’t answer that, thinking back to what he’d said that night. He was so drunk but apparently not drunk enough to forget because a few mornings after, as I was on the train back to school I’d received a text from him.

I was shitfaced the other night so whatever I said was just nonsense.

The text stung a little even though I never really considered being in love with Conor. His next text reminded me why I never considered it: It’s not like it could work out anyway. You’re too freaky.

Thanks, I’d sent back with an eye-roll emoji. And that had been that.

But it hadn’t been just that. The more I thought about it, the more I realised that deep down I enjoyed the banter. It had become familiar, more reliable than a lot of other things in my life. I’d never miss the juvenile pranks he played on me but our banter was our own little language. And it made me realise other things too, like how it might feel to not have that...like it would make a bigger hole in my heart than I initially thought.

“Have you been working out?” Conor asks beside me and I only barely make out the question over the noise.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” I roll my eyes but secretly flattered that he’d noticed.

“No I’m being serious!” Conor says. “You look good!”

I turn my body to him and raise an eyebrow, assessing if he was going to tease me but he seemed genuine. “I’ve been rock climbing recently, and training for a marathon.”

Conor whistles. Well he looked like he was whistling but I don’t hear anything.

“You don’t look bad yourself,” I comment without letting on that I thought he looked really good. Like really really really really good.

“I’ve been making some changes,” he says casually. When I raise an eyebrow he continues, “I cut back on the alcohol but that’s cuz my label said I need to clean up my image and stop partying so much.” He laughs but it has an edge. “And I try to go to the gym but it’s...”

“A losing battle?” I laugh. “Remember that one summer we all made a pact to work on our ‘summer bodies’ but you went for a week and missed your alarm every week after that.”

“To be honest,” he says. “I never set an alarm after the first week.”

My mouth drops, “You piece of shite! You had us all convinced you were struggling!”

Conor laughs with his whole body and my breath catches with the way the room narrows down just to him. Coming out tonight was not good for my heart-I was only falling

“I can’t piss you off now that you’ve been working out-you could probably beat my arse.”

“Who said I couldn’t do it before I worked out?” I tease as I flex my arm. Conor’s eyes widen and he touches the muscle I’d proudly built over the last few months. His touch sends a zap to my nerves and I drop my arm back to its side.

“That’s like-proper muscle.”

“Yeah!” I’d lost the humour as my heart continued to race. It was just Conor. Just Conor.

“What are you two gossiping about?” Meg and Fran appear and she shouts to be heard. I balk-for a few minutes we were actually getting on.

“Was the world ending or were you two laughing with each other.” Fran reads my thoughts and I blush and glance at Conor who’s glancing at me too.

“I was just getting her comfortable for the trouble I have in store later,” Conor says without the usual sauciness. The girls seem to pick up on it because they glance at one another again. God, that was getting annoying.

“I think Conor’s finally growing a brain in that skull of his,” I joke.

“Is that where my brain’s supposed to be?” Conor bounces off my joke and my laugh’s cut short when I realise Meg is staring at us as if we’d grown another head.

“So Conor,” Meg says after we sip our drinks in silence. “It’s been a while since I saw your face. You haven’t sent me any vocal clips anymore of your music.”

“I’ve been working on lyrics actually...” I tune the conversation out, Meg’s comment making me uncomfortable. I don’t remember Meg being anything but snarky towards Conor yet he was sharing his music with her. And not me. Actually he’d never even talked about his music with me, I have to remind myself. Why was I getting jealous over a stupid comment?

“So Fran-you’re even more quiet tonight than usual.” I say.

“I had a long shift this morning.” She groans. “Kids can be brutal.”

“Aw,” I grab her arm. “Then your next drink’s on me!”

“I have a weird question,” Fran says once we get the drinks. She was never one for beating about the bush.

“Shoot,” I say.

“Do you have a thing for Conor?”

My drink nearly comes out of my nose as I choke. Fran hands me napkins as she pats my back and I begin laughing.

“Why would you think that?” I ask, paranoid that my small-big crush was obvious.

“You two are always going off on one another,” she shrugs. “Maybe that’s your way of flirting?”

“Oh my god,” I laugh. “When I flirt, I’m a lot less aggressive! At least I hope so.”

“So the little piece you were doing just now with him?” She raises an eyebrow.

“Uh-wh-no?” I stutter. Fran and I stare at each other before bursting into laughter.

“You are so bad at lying.” Fran shouts.

“Lying about what?” Jessie shows up with Sam trailing behind her.

“Hey! Weren’t you two dancing?” I ask, hoping to distract from the question.

“Yeah! You never showed!” Jessie says. “And I want a drink. Non-alcoholic don't worry.”

“I’ll give you the seat,” Fran slides off and says she was going.

“Not a word!” I shout out to her and she makes an X over her heart.

•••

“Shotgun!” I shout into the dark as our eyes adjust from the flashing lights to the night sky.

“Aw no!” Sam complains. “You know my legs don’t stretch in the back!”

“Should have thought of that before! Shotgun rules says it’s my seat.” I say, a little tipsy but mostly just happy having all my friends together again.

“I call a window!” Sam frowns.

“Where does Conor sit?” Meg asks. “There’s not enough seats.”

“I’ll sit in Y/N’s lap,” Conor wraps his arm around my shoulders and pulls me to him so I stumble in my heels.

“Get off!” I shove him away, the scrunchie in my hair sliding off. “Ugh.”

“You cut your hair?” Jessie asks as we get in.

“Yeah! Just last week. So many dead ends...” We continue the small talk as the gang piles in the back, Meg agreeing to sit on the floor as she was the smallest. I connect the car with bluetooth and put on a throwback playlist as we reminisce about the old times. Meg falls asleep and we all laugh, the boys taking snaps of her to make fun of. Just as I feel relaxed, the music goes fuzzy and a familiar voice sings through the speakers.

“Isn’t that-“

“Conor!” I twist in my seat and aim to hit his knee but I get Fran instead and while I apologize Conor begins singing out loud which earns groans from everyone.

“Stop hijacking the Bluetooth!” I say and turn my music back on but Conor puts his on again and I feel my frustration rise so I turn it off but Conor just finds a way to play his music again. I cross my arms and sigh, deciding to just ignore it while Jessie starts to hum to the music. Fran and Sam are having a discussion and I feel Conor playing with my hair from the back.

“Stop that!” I twist to see him again and he’s grinning. “Ugh, I hate you.”

“Only because you’re afraid of how much you’d love me,” Conor teases but the words hit too close to home so I flip him off again and turn back in my seat.

Fran and Sam get off first as they lived a few houses down from the other. Next, we drop Meg who took a few shakes and shouts to wake up. Conor says to drop him off at his brother’s and we do so but before he goes in he leans his elbows on my open window.

“You’re gonna get run over,” I say as a car whizzes by behind him.

“So are we doing anything later? This week or something?” Conor ignores my comment.

“Ah I don’t know.” Jessie says. “We can all hang out after work but Y/N’s home for the whole week before she disappears on us again.”

Conor doesn’t even look back at Jessie when he asks me, “Great, maybe I can show you some of my music then.”

I blush, thinking he’d noticed my earlier bitterness about Meg’s comment but his face is casual. “Sounds cool,” I nod and when he’s out of sight Jessie squeals.

“You two are so into each other.”

#conor maynard #conor maynard imagines #youtube imagines #buttercream imagines #imagines #jack maynard #buttercream #qd

[chocolatemillkk]

were you into joeck when it was a thing??

No, not in the bfs sense!

#asks

[chocolatemillkk]

Heyy I know requests are closed but I sent you one a long time ago with byron and the song back to you and you responded you were going to post it but i never saw it. I know you’re busy and I don’t want to bother you but did you ever posted it and I just didn’t see or smth? xx

Hey reqs actually are open lol I just can’t guarantee whether I’ll write them!

But w that one, I actually finished and posted it and ended up just making it private because I hated it lmao. Sorry about that!!!!! I know it was a super long time ago

#asks #<

[chocolatemillkk]

Are you following Di’s vlogging channel??

No, I’m not following much of anyone’s channels if I’m being real

#asks

[chocolatemillkk]

Talk (BL)

Request: (a s u p e r old request in my inbox-sorry!) Byron x Spencer Sutherland’s Talk

Y/N was taking her time carefully tucking her hair into her coat as we got up to leave the busy restaurant we’d picked for our weekly dinner. It’s been our tradition to catch up over dinner at least once a week, sometimes friends joined us, or a girlfriend if I had any at the time. Y/N rarely brought along her boyfriends-but then again, she didn’t date much.

“Hey did you break up with that guy you were seeing? The one with the tattoo?” I ask, suddenly remembering that she had mentioned a new boyfriend a couple weeks ago.

“No-still together, why?” Y/N zips her coat up and she slightly resembles a marshmellow with how puffy her layers made her.

“You didn’t talk about him once during dinner,” I wrap my own scarf around my neck just as we head out. “I thought maybe you broke up. Remember that time you were dating Ryan? Or Bryan? You wouldn’t shut up about how he took you on his-“

“Brian. With an I. He was clingy. But anyway we’re still in the early stages of dating soo, you know how it goes.”

“Yeah, the way it generally goes Y/N, is you would be crazy for him right now.” I tease. “I would be sick and tired of hearing about him. I would want to throw myself in front of the next car coming down the road, ending my misery as you detailed your love life like you did with Brian with an i.”

“Well not that it’s any of your business!” She shoots me a look to say she was annoyed at my poking. “But I’m just trying to stay level-headed in case he doesn’t feel that intensely! I don’t want to go too crazy.”

“That’s your issue, woman!” I give in to the urge to push her and she bounces, in all her layers, against the storefront just as I expected. We immediately burst out in laughter, our previous conversation temporarily forgotten.

“At least I’m warm in here!” She shouts to anyone nearby who may be judging her marshmellow resemblance. I resist the urge to push her again and quickly wipe the tears from my eyes before stuffing my hands back into my warm pockets as we walk to the tube.

“You know, love isn’t about staying level-headed,” I continue. “It’s not really love if you can stay level-headed.”

“Well watch me Mr. Love Guru. I’ll be the first level-headed lover out there.” Y/N juts her chin out.

I sigh and just leave her be as we reach the underground. The ride home mostly consists of Y/N trying to wriggle out of a couple layers, complaining about how hot she was getting and all the while I laugh at my best friend’s crazy.

•••

Y/N’s hair is spread out around her, her bare shoulders uncovered from my white duvet tucked around her. She’s so still as she sleeps, her slow breathing as peaceful as the still morning around us. I study her face in the dim lighting as dawn approaches outside my window. I’d never noticed how graceful the curves of her face looked or how mesmerizing she was.

She shifts in bed, now facing me. How had I never noticed how breath-taking she was?

Her eyes flutter open like she could tell I was staring and she smiles sleepily when she sees me.

“Last night was fun,” she mumbles into the duvet, still too tired to form proper words. The intimate vulnerability between us fills me with happiness. I was so in love with this woman.

“Yeah,” I pull Y/N closer, hyperaware of her skin and her warmth and the feeling of her as she presses closer, wrapping her leg over mine. I kiss the top of her head when suddenly, a loud noise blares from somewhere in the house.

“Do you hear that? What is that?” I ask Y/N but she remains peacefully sleeping. Was I going crazy? “I’m gonna go check-“

I’m jolted with the realization that it was my phone beside me blaring out my ringtone. Just as I check the screen through bleary eyes, it stops. Who was calling me this early?

I turn back around in bed, now silencing my phone, and attempt to fall back asleep. But the pieces of my dream start to come back to me and my eyes widen as I remember. That was kind of a fucked up dream. I didn’t even like Y/N like that let alone love her...I was not in love with her-

Yet I can’t get the feeling of her out of my head as I close my eyes again. Her sleepy smile and the curve of her lips as well as the curve of her hips as I held her in the morning of my dream.

“Stop it!” I say out loud. “She’s your best friend you idiot.”

•••

I pace the lobby of Y/N’s building, nervous about seeing her. It had been a few days since that dream and I thought at first it would fade as all dreams did but this one didn’t seem to want to leave my mind. The harder I tried not to think about it, the more I was reminded of it. I distracted myself-even went clubbing with friends to try to get it out but every time I would remember flashes of her and it drove me crazy. I didn’t know if I could see her the same way.

Y/N finally steps off the lift and I spot her before she sees me. I was sure she’d worn that dress before but suddenly, I feel different seeing her in it. The low cut of it threatens my attention and the fit of it just takes me back to the dream.

“There you are! Why are you just standing there you weirdo!” Y/N’s voice snaps me back into reality. “Let’s go-we’re already late.”

“Well that’s not really my fault,” I find my voice, walking ahead and holding the door open for her. “One of us changed their outfit twenty times and it wasn’t me.”

“Whatever,” she gets into my car parked out front. “Now listen, this is a big deal. It’s not just an office party but a very strategic political play and I have to make a good impression...”

My mind wanders as Y/N details how I had to behave.

That stupid dream-it was just a dream! It was a PG dream but my thoughts were far from PG. Y/N was my best friend but...I know I can’t go back to how it was.

“Are you listening!” Y/N’s voice cuts through.

“Yeah yeah,” I glance over at her and quickly look away. “They’re the same rules my mother would tell me: behave myself, laugh at all the lame jokes, never leave your side. Blah blah blah-“

“Byron!” She scolds. “This is a big deal. Please take it seriously!”

“I am,” I turn in to the venue and find an empty parking spot. “Don’t worry, you’ll get the promotion. Just relax a little bit? Take a chill pill or whatever.”

“I’ll need a drink not a pill for that,” she allows a small smile to grace her lips.

“Oh come on! You can give me a better smile than that,” I tease and it’s enough for a full Y/N smile to shine through. And my breath catches again. This was going to be the most difficult night ever.

“Have I got something in my teeth?” Y/N suddenly rips the visor down to peer into its tiny mirror. “What are you staring at.”

“Nothing,” I close the visor gently. “You just look...really good tonight. Like you’re confident and beautiful and you’re ready for a big promotion.”

“Oh stop it,” she opens her door with a smile before turning back to me. “I do look good don’t I?”

“Let’s not get carried away,” I usher her out and we walk arm in arm to the party.

•••

“I don’t know if I should just wait a couple months when I move into my new flat,” Y/N and I sit across from the other at our weekly dinner that week. She still hadn’t invited her boyfriend even though I told her to. I thought maybe seeing him with her would help me get over my new obsession but she said something about him being busy.

“Yeah,” I respond absentmindedly.

“Yeah but if I get one now...”

I’d been distracted all night, barely able to respond to Y/N. It was painful to be so casual when all I wanted to do was stop talking and kiss her instead. It didn’t help she’d worn a deep red lipstick tonight and my eyes kept wandering to the way her lips moved when she talked, when she smiled. Even when she scowled as she was doing just now. Shit.

“What’s going on with you?” Y/N snaps her fingers. “Have you not been sleeping?”

“Huh, yeah. I’m fine.”

“You don’t seem fine. You’ve been acting kind of weird.”

“I’m fine-really!” I insist, putting a forkful of food into my mouth so I don’t have to talk. I wasn’t fine, my best friend was suddenly everything to me and I just couldn’t give up now that I was feeling love. Now that all I wanted to do was just kiss her.

“You’re always so distracted whenever I talk,” she pouts. “Is something wrong? Ooh does Byron have a new crush?”

“No!” I say, my anxiety making my voice a little louder than intended. “It’s fine-I’m fine!”

“Why are you getting angry huh?” She presses my buttons ever so gently.

“I’m not,” I try to settle down but the fustration I felt with myself creeps into my voice. “I’m not angry.”

“Well that was a convincing argument,” she rolls her eyes, sarcasm dripping from her voice. “You know, you barely even talk to me anymore-I know something’s wrong.”

“All we do is talk!” I burst out. When we should be kissing, I want to add. But I’d already said too much.

“Well...what else are we supposed to do?” She raises an eyebrow at my outburst.

“I-nothing.” Shit. “Just forget everything.”

“I don’t want to forget it. Am I talking too much? If you have an issue with me or something just say it.” Insecurity seeps into Y/N’s voice and I hate myself for it.

“Maybe we should just cut the night short,” I say, getting up. “I’ll talk to you later.”

I leave enough on the table to cover us-an apology without saying one. I felt like a dick walking out but I had to or I was going to say something I could never take back.

•••

A few days later, Y/N shows up at my flat without saying so. I’m caught off guard when I open the door for her. She acts like nothing happened, asking me how I was doing and where we should go for that week’s dinner. I play along, feeling more confused as she makes herself comfortable.

“Are you...mad?” I finally break the facade when there’s a pause in our friendly conversation. I couldn’t take it much longer.

“About?” She raises her eyebrow. And I suddenly see it in her face-this was her plan all along. To get me to bring it up. I can’t help the laugh that comes out-I should have known better.

“The other night.”

“I’m not mad, just confused,” she says. “I still don’t know why you got so upset.”

“Okay good.” I try to gather a safe explanation.

“What did you mean all we do is talk?” She asks again. I battle between just saying what I was feeling and making up an excuse that I was tired but before I can think of one Y/N interrupts with, “Don’t think I don’t know your excuse-making face. I want the truth Byron-I’m tired of you being so weird.”

“Fine. This is going to sound crazy though,” I say after a lengthy silence. I was just going to tell her. She was my best friend-a stupid dream shouldn’t come between us. I had to stop this now.

“I doubt it will but go on.”

My eyes scan her waiting face, the set of her jaw and the softness of her lips. Her eyes bore into mine, expecting an answer.

“A couple weeks ago I had this...dream. Andyouwereinitand-“

“Oh my god!” Y/N’s shout stops me mid-sentence. “Is that what this is all about?”

She throws her head back and cackles with laughter.

“Wait! Why are you laughing?” I ask. “It’s not funny! I’m trying to explain-”

“Oh my god! It’s extremely funny!” She says through her laughter. “Was I at least any good in your dream?” She asks clutching her stomach.

“I-wait. So you’re not angry?” She didn’t care about the dream?

“Angry?” She tries to hold in her laughter but it turns to giggles. “Byron why would I be angry over something you dreamt about? I’m too gorgeous-you can’t help it right?”

“Alright that’s enough,” I roll my eyes. “Let’s pack your ego back up, it’s uninvited.”

“So tell me, how bad was it?” She ignores me. “Tell me!”

“I-it-we...this is weird,” I struggle to continue. “Nothing really happened.”

“Oh,” she finally sits up, appearing a little more sane. “So then...why are you acting so weird?”

“I thought it would fade away after a couple days but the dream sort of-well it made me realise...” I can’t bring myself to say it.

“Oh no,” Y/N shifts closer to grab my hand. “Byron we-“

“I know! I know. We’re best friends. That’s why I didn’t want to say anything-I thought it would go away eventually but you were just too damn curious to let it go.”

“How long have you felt like...that?” Y/N asks gently.

“Never!” I cry. “I swear I’m not some cliche best friend. You’ve only ever been my best friend. That’s how I’ve always seen you! But I don’t know anymore. And it’s stupid anyway. It’ll probably just pass.”

“So wait, when you said all we do is talk?”

“You’re still on me about that?” I chuckle. When she looks at me seriously I sigh. “I wanted to be kissing you instead-happy?”

I remove my hand from hers and get up. I needed the space.

“Byron-“

“You don’t have to let me down easy or anything Y/N. I’ll be alright. And anyway, you have a boyfriend so it’s not like I’m-“

“We broke up,” she interrupts.

“What?” I look at her finally and she’s stood up too. “When?”

“After you told me the whole level-headed thing-I realised you were right.”

“Oh.” I continue looking her way and when she looks at me, it’s exactly the way she looked in my dreams. Intimate, her guard down. Had we both felt it? Was there something brewing under the surface all along? Were we both just waiting for the other to make a move?

“So,” Y/N moves closer to me.

“So,” I mimic.

“All we do is talk...?” She raises an eyebrow.

I smile at her hidden question, reaching out to touch her. My hands find the same waist from my dream I kept replaying. She feels exactly as I thought and so much better at the same time. She takes her time as slips her hands around my neck.

“All we do is talk,” I grin. “When it’s our bodies that should be having the conversation.”

“That was way too cheesy,” she groans, her face mirroring my own grin. “But I do like the commitment to the whole talking m-”

“Still talking,” my words are minimal as I pull her closer. “Stop talking.” I mumble but even then, we can’t stop smiling against each other.

When we manage to sober up enough to actually kiss each other, it’s hard to believe she’s the same woman I was convinced was nothing more than my best friend a few weeks ago. The same one I was trying to avoid for weeks. Kissing her is bliss. And now, the absolute last thing I want to do is talk talk talk.

#youtube imagines #fic #byron langley #byron langley imagines #byron langley imagine #buttercream imagines #buttercreams #lyrics #spencer sutherland #joe sugg #thatcherjoe #jack maynard #conor maynard #not sure #i have been trying to post this for over a week

[chocolatemillkk]

Okay the real question is do you think Joe and Di will make it? 👀

I would say I’m a really optimistic person but when it comes to romantic relationships...not as much? So....like....Idk. But the imp thing is they’re grossly in love rn and it’s great and they’re happy !!!!!!!!!!!! Soo whether they “last” or not is irrelevant..... .......I guess

#asks #why did u ask this

[chocolatemillkk]

[chocolatemillkk]

op. x — hello, march