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christinegphillips · 4 years

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The Two Secrets To Life – They Are Not What You Think

Lots of people come up with ideas on the secret to life and in my experience they couldn’t be further from the truth. But the truth in my life is probably going to be different than yours and whether you believe what I say below will be based on how open minded you are about life itself.

The two real secrets to life are mastering your thoughts and experiences. Once you learn to master the thoughts that you control and you learn in life through experience, then you will find that you take control of your life. Once you take control of your life, then happiness will follow. Lots of people get caught up in trying to be something they are not, competing with others and this just leads to sadness. So check out all the tips below, frequently asked questions, and the podcast transcript and see if you can see the secret of life and the universe yourself too.

My Top Tips On Controlling Your Thoughts And Living Through Experiences

Your thoughts – Absolutely everything that you think in life is created through your thoughts, experiences, and education. Your expectations in life are created by your own values. You choose to be healthy, you choose to be kind, you choose to be upset, you choose to work hard, you choose to give up, you choose to be unhappy or happy. Everything that you think drives who you are and what you stand for and nothing else. When you control these obsessive intrusive thoughts and turn them into something positive and learn from them, you will take control of your life.

Your values will change – Most people are sticklers to how they are educated and stick to the values they are brought up with. These values however are based on other factors and unless you have experienced 1000’s of instances of the same thing or thoughts, then you cannot make a judgment on something. As an example, breaking wind and burping in England is frowned upon and seen as rude, in other cultures however it is seen as a sign of appreciation for the meal you have just eaten. There are millions of examples such as this but be prepared to change your values as you experience more people and situations in your life. Be open-minded to new things and different approaches in life.

Your story in life – Our backgrounds are our backgrounds. We cannot go back and change them, we cannot do anything about them either. So living your life based on this will stop you from finding the true secret to life. That story will hold you back and give you an excuse not to do more in life. We can all change our lives at the drop of a hat if we want to but using our story as an excuse will not get you to where you want to be.

Stop peeing yourself off – Everyone suffers from narkiness, unexplained moments where we are frustrated and angry at things. You have to stop passing the buck and blaming others for this and know that it is your own thoughts that are creating a real problem. An example. in a relationship and when you are living with someone else, you are both going to do things that annoy each other. Leaving clothes on a chair, toothpaste in the sink, not washing dishes properly, or whatever it is. But if you get yourself annoyed about this and end up hating the other person for it, then that is your choice to have those thoughts. The sensible thing to do is to have a chat with them and ask them to stop it or just let it go. People generally do not do things to annoy us, it is the things they do that we annoy ourselves about due to our own values and thought process. So it is our thinking that has to change so that we do not get annoyed over stupid things.

Don’t compare your abilities to someone else – Confidence is key in life. We all have our own skills in life and they will be very different from someone else’s. So having those thoughts about I am not as good as them, or I will never be as good as them, will get you nowhere in life. You will have thought that you are second best and doubting yourself and your own ability. You are different remember that and there will be things that the other person thinks they are not as good as you at too. So always strive to be the best that you can be in life and don’t judge yourself next to others.

Dealing with frustration – Frustration is the biggest thing that creates arguments. We take our crap out on other people and expect them to take it. Kids do this all the time, they don’t want to scream and shout at you but they don’t know how to communicate properly. If you are frustrated in any way shape or form with anything, go away, come back with a calm approach and clarity of mind. Then deal with it, never take your frustrations out on others as you will say and do things you regret later.

Don’t go down the rabbit hole – Don’t let other people suck you into their story. If they are trying to bring you down through frustration or whatever other means, do not rise to the bait. As soon as you start to retaliate you will get in a tit for tat argument that will only upset you both. Again stay calm and try and talk about the problems and not react to them.

Believe in yourself – Learn not to question yourself all the time about things. Remember the stories that you are making up in your head are not real, the self-doubt, the excuses, the objections are all things that are just stopping you from moving forward. Learn to overcome these thoughts and think about positive outcomes instead of seeing the negative in things. The Universe works in a strange way and negativity breeds negativity, positivity breeds positivity. You have to turn those thoughts around and do something to counter them with an action to stop them.

Stand up for yourself – Do not let anyone mess with your thoughts, their words, their actions are their own behaviors to correct. They are not your problem and people can be cruel. So do not take any crap from anyone and stand up for yourself. Even if that standing up just means letting go of what they said or did.

The only thing that matters – In life if you are kind and considerate, work hard and put every effort that you can into life, then you are doing your utmost best. So your own mental health and stability is the most important thing you need to think about. That means letting your thoughts go and only reacting to real events, your thoughts are just stories, and learning to control the outcome of these into a positive idea is paramount to finding the secret to life. If you can really learn that those stories in your head are just stories, then you will pacify your mind and concentrate on overcoming the true and real obstacles that are standing in your way of enjoying life.

Experience – Life is meant to be fun, we are not meant to punish ourselves through negative thinking, we are meant to be open-minded, kind, and caring people. So stop making stories up in your life about what other people think of you, be proud of who you are, and hang around with people who will support you and help you through life. Help others and it will come back to you through Karma. Be open-minded about life, people, and experiences. Have your own opinions but do not force them upon others, see that everyone is limited to their own thoughts and experiences. One day they will see the secret to life or they won’t. But that is not your problem, your job is to control your thoughts and experience life through rose-tinted glasses and just enjoy the journey.

Your experiences do not dictate the future – Often or not we are held back by bad experiences in life. You quite often hear divorced people say they would never get married again…. I say cobblers, I have been married 3 times now and I am still learning to be a great husband. Quite often just because you have had a bad outcome in life, does not mean that it will happen again in the future. Just because someone has let you down, does mean that everyone will. Just because someone has betrayed your trust, does not mean everyone will. You should learn from these experiences but do not create stories making out that everything is like that because it is not. The law of averages means lightning never strikes twice (apart from the really unlucky chap that got hit 3 times in one night that is). But do not let bad experiences hold you back, just learn from it and make sure next time you have a more positive outcome.

Secret To Life – Photo by Vlada Karpovich from Pexels

The Secret To Life Podcast Transcript

0 (1s): Hi there and welcome to the [email protected] and it’s Scott, your host talking. And today I wanted to talk about the secret to life because there isn’t it what everyone is looking for. And most people associate kind of the secret to life or the secrets of life, or whatever you want to call her with happiness and happiness kind of is the overall point that people want to get to in life, to be happy, to be content, to enjoy life and everything else.

0 (36s): But there is one thing that stops you from getting there, and kinda what I wanted to talk about with the secret today is it’s all about your thoughts. It’s all about your experiences in life and the secret of everything is being able to control your thoughts and to be able to experience more in life.

0 (1m 6s): Now, happiness obviously is the ultimate place that everyone wants to be, but it isn’t a fundamental factor that you can get there without understanding and controlling your thoughts and what I mean by that is, most of the time, most people in life, you know, you probably have a couple of job interviews. You probably get married once, you probably have a couple of kids. And that experience is very, very limited. And what I mean by limited is you only get one shot at it, maybe two shots at it before you actually realize the type of person you are and how you react to different situations.

0 (1m 51s): So, it’s like when I got divorced for the first time, it was absolutely awful. It was kind of like a childhood sweetheart, you know, two kids, two boys, the marriage falling apart, it was just horrible. It was the worst experience I think I have ever gone through in my life. Now that didn’t stop me from moving forward in life because I always had this vision that I wanted to have a happy marriage.

0 (2m 23s): I wanted to have kids and I met someone else and I got married again. But this time I learned from the first marriage about the mistakes that I made and the experiences that I had and I didn’t want to make those same mistakes again. I wanted to be a better person, but when someone else is in your life, there are expectations of what they want from you might be very different from what your previous wife or your previous relationship could have been like.

0 (2m 53s): So Unfortunately again, I got divorced a second time. And before you start thinking that I’m like a serial divorcist or anything. It really wasn’t my fault. And if you know my story you’ll understand the background of this, but the second divorce was nowhere near as painful because I had already experienced the things that were going to happen in the first instance. So I knew what was going to happen, I knew the process of getting divorced, I knew the process for financial order’s and divorce papers and moving out of the home, selling your assets, all those sorts of stuff.

0 (3m 35s): So via those experiences, every time you experience something it gets easier next time, if you willing to learn about that experience in the first place and I’m now married again for the third time, this time, I think I’ve got it right. 100%. Right. You know, and all the things that I’m learning about my self are about the thoughts that you have, the things that you think about, the thoughts that would come in and make you feel unhappy in your life.

0 (4m 8s): And we can all do it. You know your wife upsets you or your partner upsets you and you sit there going there a blooming idiot, he doesn’t like me, they are letting me down, they do this, they do that. But they’re just thoughts, that other person that you’re with has no idea that your thinking that, and you might take it out on them and be in a mood or whatever, but they’ve got absolutely no idea. And all of a sudden what can happen is you can make up these stories in your head, you can go down a pathway where those thoughts that you’re having can make up massive, massive story’s.

0 (4m 45s): And before you know it, you have convinced yourself of something that was never real in the first place, but your mind still lives through that story, we can create unhappiness, by living in those stories that we make up. And it’s absolutely ridiculous because our minds are there to protect us they are there, to look after us to take care of us, but sometimes they are wrong. And those thoughts lead you down an avenue of unhappiness.

0 (5m 18s): So the secret of life to me is looking at those thoughts and transposing those for what they are. They are just thoughts. And if they are there to protect you and they are there to help you, then understanding what those thoughts mean and the impact that they have long term will really allow you to understand more about yourself and more about Life. What I mean by that is if you’re getting into an argument consistently with somebody, you know that you have to solve that argument, or you’ve got to walk away, you know, that whatever you say is going to be taken literally by that person and you can ruin a relationship by thinking for that person before you even have that conversation.

0 (6m 50s): But they’re your thoughts that is your story. It isn’t their story and unless you give people the opportunity to tell you their story then getting your story right in the first place is a really, really difficult thing to do. And what I mean by experiences, it’s like with anxiety, isn’t it? The first time anybody has an anxiety attack, you think the world is falling apart. You are so scared of what is happening to you, that you have than a fear of it happening again, because your story in your mind, your thoughts have completely taken you down an avenue that you can’t cope with. Or that you can’t do something that the world is falling apart. And you convince yourself through that story that you can’t cope. When actually that’s just one instance of it happening and the more anxiety attacks that you get, the more that it happens, if you look at your thoughts your feelings, you understand that, that it’s a natural part of Life to be nervous, to feel anxious, to feel uncomfortable, to question yourself, to question other people, to look at situations, you understand that it is just an experience.

0 (7m 30s): It’s the story that you make up in your head about that experience becoming real. That is the frightening thing. But when you learn that it is just an experience and you can breathe through it, you are going to experience it, so feel comfortable with it, then the anxiety starts to go away and you become less scared because you know that you are gonna experience that. It’s something in life that we all are going to go through and the fight or flight mechanism can come up all over the shop, but the more you experience it.

0 (8m 7s): And the more you realize that they’re your thoughts there, your story that is making up that problem. You’re gonna have an issue if you can’t do something the worse it gets. And the reason I know this is because I had a major driving problem. And every time I got in the car, I had a panic attack and I couldn’t drive the car. And if I could, I would have to pull over and get someone to come and pick me up and it took me years to realize that I was using my own personal story in my head, that every time I thought about driving I would think I was going to have a panic attack.

0 (8m 41s): I had a fear of doing it and it even put me off driving completely. Then when I met my new wife, she got in the car with me and she’d say, it’s fine. If you have an issue, I’ll take over. And if I started to panic and she would say, it’s okay, your driving well, you were doing good, everything is oriet. And she talked to me and it made me realize that this was the story in my head. And sometimes it would happen. And sometimes it wouldn’t, but that story existed until I realized that, that was just a story.

0 (9m 16s): I am a good driver. I can drive without any problems I can drive without having an anxiety attack. I can get in the car and go and do whatever I want to. And those feelings start to subside. When you realize it is just your own thoughts that are making you feel this way. Through other experiences people say, why are you so good at doing presentations? Because I do a lot of presentations. Do I have those stories and thoughts of, Oh my God, I’m scared?

0 (9m 48s): You know, what’s, everyone going to think there are three hundred people in the room all that sort of stuff is just a story. But when you realize it’s the story, and you just go out there and you relax and you go, they’re gonna enjoy my content. It’s going to be a great presentation. I’m going to be able to answer all questions. And you look at it without questioning yourself, without taking yourself down that user journey. It makes things so much easier. And the same with interviews, most people probably only do two interviews in a whole lifetime, three interviews, maybe five at the most, I’ve done probably 15 interviews this year.

0 (10m 29s): And every time that you go to those interviews, you perform better. You learn not to question yourself. You don’t take yourself down the user journey of what, if this goes wrong, what if I don’t get the job. What if I make an idiot of myself, that’s your story and those things only happen when you question yourself about those things. And that is the true secret to life is realizing that we panic ourselves. We make up our own stories.

0 (11m 0s): We question ourselves we self doubt ourselves, we mess relationships up, we do wrong things. We make mistakes. And when you realize that all those things are just a pathway in life, there just things that will happen, and you can be kind, learn to apologize and make up for things and just take care of yourself. Then life does become easier. But you have to realize that most of the problems that we have are self-generated through our own thoughts and our own feelings.

0 (11m 35s): And if you can master and conquer those emotions, then you’re much better than anybody else to move forward in life because you won’t question yourself. You won’t have that self-doubt. You will know that you are driven. And if something doesn’t work out, it’s fine because you will have another plan of what else you can do instead. And it’s stopping that worrying in your mind. It’s stopping, taking yourself down that journey, worrying about 50 million different things that really do not matter.

0 (12m 10s): So when you keep your mind occupied with moving forward in life? Your mind is occupied with the good stuff and the more good things that happen. The more your mind does good user stories, you envisage getting your new car, having the lifestyle you want, having the friendships you want too. Like, but when you get stuck in negative user stories, your mind can take you off on a journey that you don’t want to go on. So it’s how you look at yourself and position your thoughts and question those thoughts.

0 (12m 45s): Is this really real? Would that really happen? No, it’s not going to happen. You change the way you think about something and you put a positive spin on it. and you say, I am not going to feel like this. I want the outcome to look like this instead and get used to telling yourself positive user stories, envisage the good things that are going to happen. Not bad things. And when you can switch your mind in that way, you would have mastered your own mind, your own thoughts.

0 (13m 18s): You won’t question yourself. You will just learn in life. You will become a superhero in life and the rest of your life will fall into place. Everything will fall into place. And then if you combine that with all the other great stuff of kind of keeping yourself fit and healthy, nutritious diet, you know, having goals and plans in life, then you can tie all that together to getting absolutely everything that you want in life.

0 (13m 50s): And then happiness will follow, which is the ultimate goal because you will feel a sense of achievement. You’ll stop questioning yourself. You’ll stop feeling like a failure. You’ll stop not doing things because you will have a go at it. And that’s all it takes is your mind to understand that everything that goes on in your mind is your story and that can be a good story or a bad story, but it’s up to you to control what that story is.

0 (14m 21s): So every day, try and turn your story into a positive one and you will master the secrets of life.

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Frequently Asked Questions About The Secret To Life

What is the secret to life? Life is what we make it and is controlled by our own thoughts and our own feelings. When we immerse ourselves in self-doubt, judgement of others, being unkind, not putting our all into life, hiding away, making excuses, criticising and giving up, then our lives become encaged in misery. So the secret to life is to work hard, be open-minded, control your thoughts, have more experiences, stop self-sabotage, have a go at things, be kind, enjoy the experience of life for bad or good, learn from our pasts and always strive to be a better person. We all make mistakes, we all do things wrong, but we should all have the right to live a happy life.

What is the secret to happiness? Happiness is created from within. If you want a happy life then you have to do whatever you can to get the rewards and recognition you need to feel fulfilled in life. By helping others and doing your very best and then reaping the rewards of that pleasure, will provide you with more than enough happiness to live your life. Live freely without judgement on your terms and be kind to others and help and aid them. Enjoy life because you can.

What is perfect in life? We are all perfect in our own way. Anything can become perfect through the eyes of the beholder. The only ugliness we see is what we perceive through our own thoughts and our education. If everyone had a birthmark on their face, that would be acceptable, but they haven’t, so people judge those that do instead. So free your mind from your education and limited perception and experience life and the people in it and see your mind open to a bigger, better and wider World.

What is a deep secret? Is one that you have a fear of telling other people. I can tell you that most of us have the weirdest thoughts, the weirdest encounters and you should never feel ashamed to tell other people. As long as you have not wronged someone in any way. Most people have lived through similar experiences, we all just see different things as a result of it.

How can I be happy? Honestly, the answer to this is, don’t listen to your negative thoughts. Take control of your life and your destiny and enjoy life. Work hard, strive to live a life that you deserve. Do everything you can to meet your goals and experience life as a learning curve with ups and downs. Don’t be sad when you can be making new friends, making new experiences. Don’t wait for life to come to you, go out there and grab it with both hands,

So that is everything that I can think of on the secret of life. Life is meant to be enjoyed and if you are struggling with your thoughts or need a little help in life. Then check out my transformation program below and don’t be shy, come and join me and experience the secrets of life in a different way.

Wishing you all the very best in the future Scott

The Two Secrets To Life – They Are Not What You Think published first on https://changeurlifeforever.blogspot.com/

#personal development #positivity #self help #confidence #law of attraction

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christinegphillips · 4 years

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The Two Secrets To Life – They Are Not What You Think

My Top Tips On Controlling Your Thoughts And Living Through Experiences

Secret To Life – Photo by Vlada Karpovich from Pexels

The Secret To Life Podcast Transcript

0 (14m 21s): So every day, try and turn your story into a positive one and you will master the secrets of life.

youtube

Frequently Asked Questions About The Secret To Life

Wishing you all the very best in the future Scott

The Two Secrets To Life – They Are Not What You Think published first on https://changeurlifeforever.blogspot.com/

#personal development #positivity #self help #confidence #law of attraction

0 notes

christinegphillips · 4 years

Text

You Deserve To Live A Happy Life – You Really Do

Today we are going to look at why you deserve to live a happy life and what you can do to make sure that life is enjoyable for you moving forward by giving you some top tips to simplify your life and answering all those frequently asked questions people have about living a happy life. So keep reading and enjoy

Living A Happy Life Audio Transcript

0 (1s): Hi there and welcome to changeyourlifeforever.co.uk it’s Scott, your host talking. And today we are talking about why you deserve to live a happy life. And it guess happiness is, is one of those things isn’t it, you know, one minute you can be happy. The next minute you can be down and, you know, circumstances come along you think that everything is in hand, and then something comes and knocks you off your feet, or someone says something to you that changes your perception about things. And we kinda hide in our own little heads in regards to looking at situations and, seeing weather, we are happy with them or not.

0 (40s): And when you sit back and you look at your life and you sit there, honestly, and you say to yourself, am I am truly happy? You have to answer that question, honestly, and if you’re not truly Happy, you deserve to be Happy and it means that you need to do something to change the way that you see things, the way that you view things or the way that things are, so that you can have and live a happy life, because life isn’t to be wasted.

0 (1m 12s): It isn’t something that we should throw away. And by the choices that we make, sometimes that can lead to our own un-happiness. But when we take ownership of what those choices mean and why we made those choices in the first place, then we can look at it a little bit more holistically. And when you look back to times that you were, Happy like today, you might not be happy in your job, but there would have been a time when you were really happy, you went for the interview, you we’re over the moon that you got the job, you know, you worked really hard, you loved it, but then all of a sudden something changes and you don’t like your job anymore.

0 (1m 49s): It could be for numerous different circumstances or it could be, certain life changes have come along and your not happy with it or it could be, you’ve decided to have a family, bringing up a family is tough. You know, staying at home. Looking after the kids is the hardest job on the planet. As the kids get older, they may seem a little bit ungrateful and you can look it, you know, the choices you’ve made there and think that you’re unhappy, but that is all just the way that you perceive and you look at things.

0 (2m 22s): And the only reason that I say this is because most of you will know that, you know, I’ve been divorced twice, I’m on my third marriage. Now, when you know, looking back on those two marriages, I have absolutely no bad feelings about why those marriages didn’t work. But what I’ve done is fundamentally looked at the two marriages that failed, and always looked at the reasons why, and the reasons were is, that you become entwined in somebody else’s life.

You Deserve A Happy Life – Photo by Dmitry Zvolskiy from Pexels

0 (2m 55s): You become responsible for other people’s feelings. You know, all of a sudden, you kind of forgot who you are. You forget that happiness comes from within. And that happiness is something that you drive. But when somebody else is unhappy or your at work, and everyone’s unhappy or your home, and everyone’s unhappy. You got sucked into that and trying to be happy when everybody else around you is just a miserable git or whatever. It’s really difficult to pull yourself over and above how everyone else is feeling.

0 (3m 31s): But happiness does come from inside and kind of looking at that, you know, I made sure this time, when I married my third wife, that there was a lot of lessons we learnt, you know, relationships are tough, relationships are hard work, you know, and if you want to be happy in your relationship, you really do have to look after each other. You have to remember the days when you, met, when your eyes were sparkling and the way you felt about each other and the way you feel about each other now, and you have to know that you are real soulmates and any indifferences or problems you have, will just make you both unhappy.

0 (4m 8s): But if you commit to being together, then you will of overcome those challenges. Some of the things that me and my wife do, we give each other hugs in the morning and a kiss for the day. We make sure even if we’ve argued the night before or whatever, we still make sure that we give each other hugs. And it’s the same with the kids. Give the kids a big hug in the morning or good morning, and how you doin? you’re gonna have a good day, you know, and then you’ve got something that you can hold onto that you’ve got a starting point to make yourself happy.

0 (4m 43s): And I think part of happiness at the moment, as well as being present, I think all of us suffer at the moment from talking to people, whether its our kids our friends and people are on the phones and they’re just not paying attention. It doesn’t seem as if they’re giving you their time properly. And in order to be happy, we do need to be valued. We need to be rewarded for what we do. And we need to be recognized for the actions that we take and the things that we do.

0 (5m 13s): So if you’re a parent, you want to know your a good parent. If you’re at work, you wanna know you’re doing a good job. You know, if your at school, you want to know that the people like you and you’ve got friends, and if your not getting any of that, then that leads to you being unhappy in life. And the way that I view this, and this is over years and years is I don’t take things personally. So if I talk to somebody and somebody upsets me, I know it’s not that they want to upset me.

0 (5m 44s): I know its not their behavior. Its how I’ve interpreted their behavior. That normally makes the difference. When you allow those intrusive thoughts to come in and make you feel like that person really meant to upset you, really meant to hurt you then you do yourself that own damage but when you look at it and you go, Oh its okay. You know they might be having a bad day or they didn’t really mean it or I’ll talk to them later about that.

0 (6m 14s): And have a conversation with them, you don’t go making yourself unhappy about situations. And what you do is you look at everything from a learning perspective. Sometimes we do do things wrong. Sometimes we do make mistakes. We cannot all be perfect. So sometimes when people do say something, there’s probably a reason for that. But when you can look at it and learn more about yourself, you will become more happy with who you are as a person and what you stand for.

0 (6m 45s): And it doesn’t matter how much money you’ve got, how much fame you’ve got. You cannot buy that happiness. That happiness will come and it will be temporary and that’s all it will be. It’s a temporary solution to an ongoing problem. But if you wake up in the morning and you actually look at what you’ve got to do that day, you feel valued. Do you feel rewarded? You can get recognized for you. You will be happy. And yet, sometimes you might fall into a bit of a depression.

0 (7m 17s): Sometimes you might be angry sometimes, or you might just have a bad day, but that is all okay. But our bodies or our minds sorry are there to protect us. So, you know, we’re constantly thinking all the time. Why did they do that? Why did they do this? You know, why is the bus late I’m stuck in traffic? Oh my God, I don’t know what I’m doing at work and before we know we’ve bombarded our thoughts with so many things that we’ve got confused, we’ve got upset. We get angry. Then we got frustrated.

0 (7m 48s): Then we probably take it out on our nearest and dearest or our closest. And rather than actually just chilling out and thinking about stuff. If something goes wrong, it’s okay. It is alright for things to go wrong. It’s okay to have a bad day. And if you want to live a happy life, you have to overlook, those things and look at them and go, yeah, okay. So this has happened. What am I gonna do about it? How am I gonna gonna make it better. How can I change that for the next time?

0 (8m 20s): You know, and it’s all about being open with your communication, not being hurtful or spiteful to people not being hurtful or spiteful to yourself in those circumstances, but just making sure that you guide your life where you want it to be. And that you look after yourself as the main priority in your life. And I know kids are important and I know partner’s are important, but if you don’t look after yourself, you won’t have a happy life. That means doing things that do make you happy, doing things that make you enjoy life.

0 (8m 56s): And it might be that you don’t know what that is, it might be that you don’t know how to get that. If you set off on a path for things that you want. And that might be just simple things you want to have your nails done. You want to get your hair done. You want to go out with the girl’s or the lads or, you want to go on adventures or you want a new job, or you want to create your own ecommerce store or whatever that is. There must be something that you can see in your life that you can aim for.

0 (9m 27s): You can work towards and when you learn that failure is just one of those things. Then you can make a really good and happy life for yourself. By striving, towards making yourself feel important, making yourself feel valued, making yourself, look at life in a holistic way and thinking yeah, it’s okay. You know, worse things could happen. Lets just make sure that tomorrow is a better day that we do better tomorrow and just try and have a positive outlook on life.

0 (9m 59s): But if you sitting there with no passion, no meaning, and no guidance, no rewards, no recognition, no value. Then you’re not gonna enjoy life, but nobody can change that for you. Nobody will make you happy and your own unhappiness sometimes comes from within you. And I know working with my teenagers, you know, one minute they love me the next minute they hate me. And it isn’t anything that I’m doing wrong. But if I rise, if I raised myself to their challenges all the time, we’d end up arguing we’d end up getting into fisticuffs and arguments about stupid things that don’t matter.

0 (10m 35s): But when you look and you understand, they’re frustrated, they’re busy their getting text messages all over the shop, you know their having to be happy all the time to people and show probably some sort of side of them that is hard to maintain all the time. Kids and teenagers have got a lot going on nowadays. There’s a massive whole world just in their phone. Yeah. So don’t let anyone suck you into their frustration, their problems, their issues.

0 (11m 5s): They’re unhappiness, stay on the outside and help and guide other people and help guide yourself to making sure that you live a happier life too, because you do deserve it. And we all deserve it. All of us should be able to wake up in the morning and smile and be ready for the day. And know that we’ve got a future that is bright, that we own, that we control, that we can make sure that living a happy life is something we look back on later on and go, wow, that was amazing.

0 (11m 37s): But you owe it to yourself. And I know it sounds easy on this podcast, but I’ve got a load of hints and tips on the blog as well. changeyourlifeforever.co.uk/blog, where I’ll show you how to break your life down into simple living concepts, how to follow some of the things that I’ve said in this Podcast, so you can live a happy life two.

My Top Tips On Finding Happiness In Life

Don’t sweat the small stuff – Some things are just not worth pursuing in life and everyday annoyances will always come up. Sometimes you cannot change things that happen but what matters is your reaction to them. If you are getting frustrated and annoyed with small things, then they will build up together until you have a massive mountain to climb. My answer to this one is if it isn’t important enough to worry about then let it go.

Don’t judge – This is about situations and people. When we look through our own eyes at a situation and judge it in a negative way, it impacts our happiness massively. We might have a different viewpoint on something but we should not let other’s viewpoints affect our happiness. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and will see things very differently than you. What is right to one person can be totally different to another. Be open-minded and always see situations from an outsider’s perspective.

Be patient – Most of us are impatient and in the world, we live in today, we expect immediate responses and answers. Give people time to come back to you, give people time to learn, give people time to change and most of all learn that the importance to you may be less important to someone else.

Frustration – Dealing with frustration can be key to living happily. Most of the arguments and miscommunications I see are when people are frustrated. I never shouted at my kids, but always sat them down and asked them why they did or said the things they did. By giving them this opportunity to see things for themselves, it was almost always down to just feeling frustrated. When we are frustrated we tend to lash out and learning to control this emotion will lead to increased happiness in your life.

Slow down – We all tend to rush around these days, so much to do and not enough time to do it in. This is unhealthy as we don’t give ourselves time to enjoy things properly. The rushing around leads to anxiety, frustration, and ultimately unhappiness. So either plan everything you need to do or accept sometimes that what can’t be done today can be done tomorrow.

Make good decisions – One of the things I tend to do is look at situations and see what value there is in pursuing a problem or issue. If there is nothing to gain from it, then I won’t pursue it. Sometimes we do just have to leave sleeping dogs lye. So making sure we make decisions about what we want is paramount to not looking back with regret later in life.

Listen and be empathic – We cannot control anything in life apart from our own thoughts and thinking. Everything else, time, friendships, partnerships are out of our control. So when you hear yourself getting annoyed or frustrated by something, put yourself in their shoes first before responding. Sometimes we just need to think before we speak to get the output we need.

Stop overthinking – Half the time in life we self sabotage ourselves by making our minds up for other people before talking to them properly. This overthinking is a nightmare and can cause untold damage to yourself and other people’s relationships. So always nip things in the bud and do not let your mind wander creating negative thoughts that do not need to be there. Let the situation unfold in its own way without prejudging what you think will happen.

Take control – If you are living your life controlled by someone else. Then take control back and start to live life for yourself again. You are a person in your own right, with your own right to be happy in life. Yes as a parent or partner you give up part of this to look after the family but does not mean that you should be undervalued and lost who you are. So take back control as quickly as you can.

Don’t get sucked in – When someone attacks us, says nasty things, etc. It is our first response to attack back. Don’t do this, just smile and wave and come back to it later. When we get sucked in, we too find ways to get back at that person and it creates a tit for tat situation that quite often gets worse. Just walk away from the situation until you are both in a better place to talk about things properly.

Don’t get walked over – Do not let people walk all over you. Stand up for yourself and let them know you are not happy with the situation. If they continue to treat you badly then get rid of them from your life if you have done everything you can to change it.

Tomorrow is another day – Yes we are all going to have good days and bad days. But if we hold our thoughts and stop rushing around to make decisions. Things will always be brighter the next day and if they aren’t things will get better at some point. You have to be optimistic about this and have faith things will work out.

Make life valuable – When you have a passion or meaning in life and it doesn’t matter what that is. It makes life worth living when you look forward to doing something so much that you smile when you think about it. That is what makes living happily ever after easily attainable. A lot of people do not have a hobby or something that they love, but it really is important to find something you can just escape within your life that gives you the rewards and recognition you need to be happy.

Make other people happy – When you look at life and help others and you are willing to put a smile on your face no matter what happens. Life becomes amazing because you can see through all the bullshite, you know that life is what you make it, you know that happiness comes from within, you know that having fun makes you happy, you know helping others makes you happy, you know that everything you see and hear is down to your own interpretation, you know you are in control of what you say to do and take action on. So make other people happy by getting out there with a smile on your face at every opportunity you have and see if it makes you happy too.

Live by these principles and you will find living happily ever after becomes a reality and not a dream

You own your life, thoughts, and feelings, and no one else

If you work hard, you will eventually get to where you want to be

If you help others, they will help you too

If you are kind to others, they will be kind to you too

If you want something, go and get it

Don’t make excuses

Don’t blame other people for your mistakes

Don’t judge situations or people you know nothing about

Be open-minded and learn from everything that happens in life

Be courageous and believe in yourself and don’t let others put you down

Life should be enjoyed every day

You become what you think, so keep your mind busy moving forward and with positive thoughts

Give life your all and be the best that you can possibly be in life

Be kind, considerate, and love life

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Frequently Asked Questions About Living Happily Ever After

What is a happy life? For me, it means to be content and do your best in life to help yourself and other people. To know that life is for the taking and you have to work hard to get what you want, stay consistent, and just keep moving forward. You have to overlook the upset and the problems and keep striving for that better life you so deserve.

How can I live a happy life? Make a conscious decision to enjoy life and put a smile on your face and other people’s. To know that you will have downtimes but to make the most of the good times, friendships and see life for what it is, an amazing experience when you stop worrying about what other people think and start to live for yourself.

What is needed for a happy life? To be proud of yourself and what you stand for. To know that you are respected, valued, and loved. To be part of something that makes you feel at home with yourself and to work hard and get your just deserts in life. Look internally and smile at yourself, because you are amazing and you are the one person you have to live with for the rest of your life, so tell yourself happiness in life is key.

Can you ever be truly happy? We all want more in life sometimes and that it is where unhappiness comes in. Yes, you can be truly happy in whatever you do if you look at anything over 70% in your life being good. then that is a really good outcome. You will never hit 100% happiness consistently all of the time but if a good proportion of your life is great, then the downtimes are just expected too.

How can I live a free life? By freeing yourself from making other people happy. Your job is to look after yourself and your own emotions first and foremost. When you don’t take things personally and you do everything you can to excel at everything in life. There are no come back if you are always doing and striving to be the best version of you. Free your mind, your spirit, and your body and for what you want in life.

What are the 3 things you need in life? My three things – LOVE – RESPECT – VALUE

So that is everything i have to say on living a happy life and it takes work to find happiness but when you free yourself from all the crap that everyone and everything throws at you and just enjoy the ride. You will be truly liberated in life.

Feel free to join me on my transformation program today if you liked the post and I will be with you everyday to make sure you live happily ever after in your life too. All my best wishes Scott

You Deserve To Live A Happy Life – You Really Do published first on https://changeurlifeforever.blogspot.com/

#personal development #positivity #self help #confidence #law of attraction

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christinegphillips · 4 years

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Making Sure Life Is Enjoyable Every Single Day

We owe it to ourselves to make sure life is enjoyable. To look back on life and go wow what a wicked life I had. Do you remember when you were a child? Everything seems so much fun and everything is an adventure. As we get older however things change and life becomes more serious but it doesn’t have to be that way. So follow this page for our audio transcript, tips on how to enjoy life, and frequently asked questions about making life more enjoyable starting today.

Life Should Be Enjoyable Audio Transcript

0 (1s): Hi there and welcome to the podcast for changeyourlifeforever.co.uk. It’s Scott your host talking. And today we are going to be talking about making sure life is enjoyable every single day, because you know, waking up every day with a smile on your face is a great way to start the day. But how many of us actually do it, how many of us have heard the term live every single day like it’s your last, but we don’t take notice of it, do we?

0 (33s): Unfortunately, my wife’s friend, the other day, unfortunately got told she had stage 4 of cancer. And she’s had to go and tell her family and friends, everybody that she hasn’t got long to live, that she’s going to be on her last few days and starting chemotherapy and all sorts of things and when that becomes so close to you, you actually do realize that life should be enjoyable.

0 (1m 5s): And making sure that life is enjoyable every single day should be within or own thoughts and our own minds. Sometimes we all think we are invincible don’t we, we all think we’re capable of great things. We’re invincible and nothing will ever happen to us we can let the everyday day pass us by, but when every day passes us by the week’s go quickly. The months go quickly and before we know it, we might not be enjoying life as much as we should be and its really down to us to overcome all the obstacles in life, to stop making excuses, to get over our self-doubts, to stop all the obsessive intrusive thoughts that make life un-enjoyable you know, you come in from work or you work at the same place for years and years.

0 (1m 56s): You’re unhappy in your job. You come home, you know you’re home life, it rubs off there, you sit down and watch the tv. You don’t achieve anything there is no self-reward. There is no self-achievement at the end of the day, there is no rewards and recognition for what you do. And when you live life like that, it’s easy for that to form a habit. It’s easy for it to form into something that feels as if it’s impossible to change, but it’s not impossible to change.

Life is enjoyable – Photo by Renda Eko Riyadi from Pexels

0 (2m 26s): And you can change your life in a fraction in a moment by looking at yourself, looking at what you want in life, looking at what you are capable of. If you don’t enjoy your job, get your CV together, get a job that you do enjoy. If you are having trouble with your family or your relationships, then fix those problems, learn how to communicate with people. Don’t argue. Arguments are futile to learn to understand who the people are around you.

0 (2m 56s): What makes them tick? What value you can add to their lives and can to yours. Travel the world, go on adventures. Have a do it now, attitude that goes, yes, I am gonna do this. I am gonna plan for this. I am gonna make sure that life is enjoyable from now on. I’m gonna wake up with a smile on my face. I’m not gonna let any rude or horrible people ruin my day because I wanna feel good. I wanna feel great.

0 (3m 26s): I wanna have an enjoyable life. I want to make sure that I can look back later on in life and think, wow, look at what I’ve done. Look at what I’ve achieved. And it’s so easy. Nowadays to get sucked into Life. Everybody is on the rat race. You know, we went to the pub the other night and a big family sat down at the table, you know, and everyone was on the phone, apart from the dad who looked miserable. But yeah, we need to learn to communicate again. We need to learn to understand that the value in life comes from getting rewards and recognition for what we do, for adding value to our own lives.

0 (4m 5s): To other people’s lives to make sure that, what we want in life, is what we aim to achieve. And once you realize that life is for the taking, you can do anything that you want to. You can achieve anything that you want too. If you just put your mind to it and all those obsessive intrusive thoughts that come in, that stop you doing it, adjust your own thoughts there, your own thoughts that are stopping you, making life enjoyable.

0 (4m 34s): I know kids are hard work and everything, but every single morning, wake up good morning and make sure that the kids are happy. You know, sit and talk to them. Don’t tell them off and just understand how they are feeling today. How are you getting on? Did you have a good day? What are your plans for the rest of the week? You know, are you going out with your friends? Are you gonna go to football or, or whatever? And you can get so much pleasure out of turning a bad situation, into a good situation.

0 (5m 6s): Because half the time you can wake up in the morning and your feeling tired. You don’t want to go to work. The kids are doing your head in there, running around the house, creating havoc. You can’t get them ready for school. And before you know it, you’ve stressed yourself out. You go to work, you know your not really that focused. You’re not really that happy. But life shouldn’t be like that it should be fun. It should be enjoyable and you can do things to make it enjoyable by changing your mind about things, changing your perception of things, and waking up with a smile.

0 (5m 39s): And if you have a purpose in your life, if you have a meaning in your life, then, you will always be striving towards that. And that can be either a passion. It can be something, a hobby. It can be anything that just drives you. That takes your mind off all the pressure. The stress, the anxiety but gives you something to aim for in life. Something that you can personally hold yourself accountable for, hold yourself responsible for, and then reap the rewards of doing it.

0 (6m 11s): And that is how you make life enjoyable by having a plan, working out the goals that you want to get to, working out, how are you going to do them work every day fearlessly to overcome any obstacles to make life enjoyable to go to bed feeling is if you’ve achieved something in that day, that your worth something that your life is truly valued in one way or another. So it’s down to us to make sure that life is enjoyable.

0 (6m 45s): That life is fun. That life is happy. We say yes to doing more things we also say no to doing some things as well. But it is about all of us being in control of our lives to take control of it, to understand where our destiny is, where we want to go. And you might not have any idea how to do that, how to get there. But the first part of the process is just starting. If you are unhappy in life, start on a process to make it better, understand the pieces that are making you feel unhappy.

0 (7m 20s): And I think sometimes we blame our own happiness on external factors, but it’s not, the only factor that affects our happiness is ourselves and our ability to feel good about who we are, what we stand for, and what value we give to the world. And then go and achieve it. If you want a new car workout, how to get it. If you want a new house work out, how to get it, if you want to travel the world, start making plans, don’t put stuff off, get out there today.

0 (7m 51s): And Change your life. Change it for the better and make sure that life is enjoyable for you. When you start to do that, everything else will start to unveil and magical things will start to happen in your life. When you walk around with a smile, you’ll meet other smiley people, people that want to help you. People want to do things for you and you have to stop all those other thoughts that tell you any different in life they’re just there to protect you and stop you from moving forward.

0 (8m 21s): But when you have clarity of mind of where you want to go, nothing will stop you. So that’s all I’ve got to say. Today I hope you go out there and make sure that your life is enjoyable and that you smile every single day.

My Top Tips On Making Your Life Enjoyable

Own life – Own your own life and don’t ever let anyone stop you from achieving your dreams in life. You own your performance, you own your attitude, you own your destiny, you own your future. Take control and set out on a path to find your passion and meaning in life and go out there and smash it.

Your thoughts – We are our own worse enemies in life and we can stop ourselves from achieving what we want by simply self-sabotaging ourselves. The self-doubt and obsessive intrusive thoughts kick in and ruin the journey. Don’t let your thoughts consume you but turn them into positives, learn not to question yourself but push yourself forward and if you fail, so what, it is always better to try and fail than not try at all.

Your attitude – Your attitude is everything in life. If you can switch on the positive attitude and just enjoy life, then your life will change dramatically. It is easy to sit with the moaners who never have a good thing to say about life. This will only rub off on you eventually though, so surround yourself with the do it now people, the one’s that love life and have a zest for it. Join the winners in life and see how quickly things start to change.

Don’t be scared – When we are kids, we are fearless, we learn to walk, bump into things, fall off things but we get through. Because we are not scared of the dangers ahead. Treat life like everything is new and an adventure. Give it a go and overcome your anxieties because the more you do stuff, the less you will question yourself about whether you can or cannot do something. Yes some things can seem scary but it is a bit like a horror movie, makes you feel scared but it’s not real until your mind makes it real. Give everything a go and embrace fear as your friend.

Enjoy life – There are so many things out there to make life enjoyable but in today’s society all people do is seem to moan about things. Moaning will get you nowhere, living life by the seat of your pants will get you everywhere. Smile at people, have fun, and leave all the negativity behind you, as negativity is like a disease, it spreads quickly, and before you know it you become a moaner too.

Never give up – Embrace everything in life as a challenge. Some you will win and some you will lose. But challenge yourself to be the best that you can be and never give up. Go out there with a do it now attitude and say you can do this, it doesn’t matter about the pain, I am going to get through this. Having this attitude will give you the strength in everything you do and is paramount to your personal success.

Be part of something – Did you enjoy being part of a team when you were a kid? Have you ever felt that jubilation of winning something and celebrating with your teammates? If you haven’t then now is the time to do it. It can be anything from sports to charities or whatever. But join a group of like-minded people that make sure that you are enjoying life as part of a worthy cause. On our own we can be great, as part of a team we can be amazing.

Reward yourself and feel proud – Don’t look for acceptance, gratitude, or praise from others. It should be yourself that you are trying to impress. That you know what you are capable off and that you are pushing your personal barriers to the maximum. Other people’s opinions do not matter unless they are going to add massive value to your already great attitude. So reward yourself at every opportunity you get and give yourself a massive pat on the back for every achievement you do.

Keep pushing yourself to do it – Whatever you want in life, have a do it now attitude and go out there and smash it. Don’t make excuses and don’t waste the time either. If you want to make life enjoyable then this is down to you. Have the courage and the attitude to strive forwards and do things that make you happy in life.

Pat yourself on the back – If you listen to these words and you realize that life is what you make it. Then you are in the top 10% of achievers. You are amazing and you own your life and your destiny. You get it that hard work, dedication, commitment, consistency pays off. You get that failure is positive in life and is just another lesson learned. You get what you want and are willing to do anything to get it. So well done you and a massive pat on the back from me too.

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Frequently Asked Questions About Making Life More Fun

Is life supposed to be enjoyable? Of course it is. When we are kids, you have so much fun it is untrue. When we are adults, bills, jobs, pressure, anxiety all builds up because we have responsibility. But it is our own choice whether to make life enjoyable or not. To get excited about thing coming up in our diaries, to book events, to go on adventures, to have fun. So yes life is meant to be enjoyable and you should be doing everything you can to live a fulfilled life yourself.

What does it mean to enjoy life? It means being in control of your destiny and valuing yourself and your life. To wake up with a smile and do your best in life for yourself and everyone around you. To know that we really do only get one opportunity to enjoy life. So make the most of it. Learn to live every day and throw those stupid thoughts that try to bring us down to the back of our minds. To find the fun in things and with the people, we hang around with.

What makes life more enjoyable? That depends on who you are. I love being with my family and seeing my kids happy. I love seeing other people enjoying themselves and having fun. We are very sociable creatures and therefore we are at our best when in other people’s company. Have a laugh with friends, talk, enjoy each other’s stories. Play games and just walk around with our head held high and see the beauty that the world has to offer. Making things enjoyable doesn’t have to cost anything, you can have a laugh and a smile for free with anyone at anytime that you want to.

What is the best age to enjoy life? We never know what life has in store for us. So every age is important to enjoy life. We should overcome the daily challenges and hardships and know that things will get better in life. We have to adopt a positive approach to this though and not let those intrusive thoughts carry us away to a dark place. So my advice is no matter what age you are, make sure you are living life to the max.

How can I be happy? This is down to you. Whether you want to take control of your life and make it the life that you want it to be. Don’t let other people suck you into their story, make life enjoyable with the smallest things. Breathe in the fresh air and enjoy being alive. Have a plan in life where you get some sort of self-achievement and reward from. Be kind and give love to others unconditionally. Don’t let your thoughts tell you that life is crappy, even if it is, because of negativity breeds negativity. It is really hard to pull yourself out of a dark place than it is to force a smile on your face. So do things that make you happy and share your feelings with others.

How do I enjoy being alone? We never have to be alone in life. There are so many options nowadays to meet other people. There are clubs, dating sites, communities that we can join. Meet new people and although it can be terrifying at first, the more you do it, the more you will get used to it and the more friends you will meet. If you like being on your own, however, have a plan in life, keep your mind occupied on getting what you want in life, stay busy, stay healthy and do things that make you happy.

That is everything I have to say about making sure life is enjoyable. If you like what you have read then do join me on my transformation program below and we can take a journey through life together.

Wishing you all the very best in your future. Scott

Making Sure Life Is Enjoyable Every Single Day published first on https://changeurlifeforever.blogspot.com/

#personal development #positivity #self help #confidence #law of attraction

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christinegphillips · 4 years

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Why Helping Others Will Change Your Life Too

By helping others you will help those people become greater in life, you will offer hope and support to those that need it most. Karma will come back and provide kindness and help to you too. So stick around on this page for how you can learn to help people too with our top tips and frequently asked questions about this important topic.

Audio Transcript On Why Helping Others Will Change Your Life

0 (1s): Hi there and welcome to changeyourlifeforever.co.uk. It’s Scott, your host talking. And today we’re gonna talk a bit helping others, because from my perspective and you might think differently than this. I really get a lot out of helping other people, sometimes when you do help others it kind of gives you a nice feeling inside that you’re doing something that is worthwhile. That you’re helping somebody either become a better person or do a better job or just.

0 (33s): Generally helping them feel better, sometimes where it can go wrong. And I found this quite a bit. It’s that kind of a mental health and anxiety. It’s really, really complicated. What one person might go through a stressful event compared to another person going through a stressful event is completely, completely different. Kind of what I see a lot is people who are suffering from mental health issues themselves, trying to help other people with it. And it’s really difficult to do that because in order to help a lot of other people sometimes, you have to get over the mental health issues and the anxiety yourself in order to really realize what you can do to push them forward.

Helping Others – Photo by Polina Zimmerman from Pexels

0 (1m 15s): But there are simple things that you can do every day and helping other people, you know, it’s quite simple. So I’ll give you an example of this morning. I got a phone call from a recruitment consultant looking for me to take on a new contract role, but I’m already in a contract. So I have a chat with her and help her out, by saying I know quite a few people through COVID at the moment that are looking for jobs. They haven’t had a job for quite a few months. Now, there getting a bit worried. So pick up the phone to them.

0 (1m 47s): I’m like, look this job has come up. Would you be interested? And kinda connect those people together and hopefully, one of the people I know will get that job. And then as an impact of helping them, they hopefully will then be able to provide for their family again. They will get a job that will last them for the next six months, 12 months, and see them through COVID. And it’s just simple little things like that. But when you’re think about serving others and when you think about other people on the top of your own thoughts your own difficulties, your own situation, it helps you to actually provide a little bit of light, a little bit love into someone else’s life and it can be something really simple.

0 (2m 33s): If you see somebody struggling, don’t criticize them, don’t think their doing something bad or doing a bad job, just go out and help them see what help they need to become better. I work with a lot of people and the intrusive thoughts that a lot of people go through and the self criticism and the anxiety and the stress that we feel nowadays, a lot of it comes down to the fact that the, if you lived on your own, you probably wouldn’t have any hassell, but introduce loads of other people into the equation.

0 (3m 5s): You’ve got all these different personalities with different thoughts, with different ideas. You think you’ve got to fit in and you think you’ve gotta get on with everyone and life isn’t like that. You should just be yourself. And by being yourself part of that is being kind to other people and helping people, helping other people become great. You know, I think in my career, I’ve helped so many young people, that people wouldn’t give them an opportunity to within the organizations and I have coached them and I’ve mentored them and have trained him.

0 (3m 37s): And some of them have gone off and leading global organizations, such as DELL, IBM and all sorts of other roles that they would never have been given. If I hadn’t have actually gone out my way to think that helping others was an essential part of every day life. And you don’t need to protect yourself. You don’t need to protect to yourself from other people doing better than you. And especially if you are in a management role or a supervisory role, our job is to ask people, how can I help?

0 (4m 10s): How can I help you do your job better? How can I be there for you? How can I support you? What can I do that makes your job that much better, that much easier. But for some reason, some people don’t like helping others, you know? And that might be because it so ingrained in our own lives, we’ve got so much going on now. That is the last thing that we think about. And I’m quite lucky as well because my wife is probably the most helpful person on the planet she’ll do over and above anything for anyone.

0 (4m 40s): You give her a call at two o’clock in the morning and she’ll be there for you, but everybody loves her and everybody relies on her. And she does say it without expecting anything back, she doesn’t help other people because she wants them to do something for her too. And its like those jobs today, probably those guys, when they get that job I may not even get a thank you for it because sometimes people forget that you’ve helped, you know what you’ve done to guide them and everything else, but you should do it without needing any gratitude for it, you should do it because karma really does work and karma does come back.

0 (5m 18s): So when you need help, hopefully people will be there for you. If you’ve done things for them, then when you were in your deepest, darkest place, then hopefully people will be there for you too. And I know in the world at the moment it is really, really difficult. You know, the global economy is falling apart. People are losing the jobs. There’s lockdowns. Hear there everywhere. There’s no better time than now to see how you can help other people. And if you are fortunate, enough to be in, a great job in a great place.

0 (5m 51s): And you’re being able to sit this out then see whether there is, anybody else out there that does need your help, it might be helping them review a CV. It might be helping them connect to other people. It might be helping them get a job. It might be helping them go shopping because they are in lockdown. But just think about helping others, put that as a priority in your day to help other people out and just ask them, how can I help? What can I do? Is there anything that you need?

0 (6m 22s): And I know my dad the other week? He was moving house and he is 72 now. And I kept saying to him, do you need any help dad. do you need any help or anything. And he was like, no, I’ll be OK. So I went over anyway, and some of the things that he was trying to do at his age he shouldn’t have been doing. And he actually ended up hurting himself on the last day of moving some stuff. If I hadn’t off gone over to help him, there’s no way he could have moved his house in two days, he is not a spring chicken anymore. You know, he had all these ideas that he could bung all the stuff into a trailer and get it moved.

0 (6m 55s): And it would all be hunky-dory, but it wasn’t like that. But when you think about helping others personally, I feel great from helping people. I feel great that somehow I have contributed to making their life better. I know some times it feels like you’re taken for granted. I know sometimes it feels as if giving kindness, people don’t really care or they’ll walk all over you. Do it for yourself, don’t do it for anybody else. Do it for yourself. Just learn that helping others.

0 (7m 26s): Is a really really important part of life. And in you’re day make it part of your routine, help as many people as you possibly can. And you will see that they will smile at you. They will thank you. They will be grateful, and it will spur you on. It will take your mind away from your horrible thoughts. Your horrible feelings your anxiety and your stresses because helping others, will also make you realize hopefully that you are actually in a good place.

0 (7m 57s): And if your not in a good place, then go and ask for help yourself it does no harm in asking other people to help you. Sometimes we all need a helping hand. We all need some guidance in life. We all need somebody to come and offer that hand of reassurance to make us feel a bit more positive, to make us feel a bit more confident just to give us a hand. So we don’t feel like we’re on our own. So please go out there today. Help as many people as you can see helping others as an important part of your life.

0 (8m 28s): If you can serve overs just to ask them, how can you help them and see whether it puts a smile on your face?

My Top Tips On Helping People Through Life

Be patient – Some people need more help than others and just because they don’t get something straight away does not mean that they are stupid. Other people will also act differently than you would in the same situation so be empathic and understanding to their feelings.

Karma – Know that for every person that you help that you have done a great deed and that Karma will pay you handsomely in rewards. What we give out is generally what we recieve, so if you would like others to help you, it is important that you help them too.

Have fun – Helping people grow is really interesting and especially if they follow your advice and guidance too. It is an overwhelming feeling when you do something to impact someone’s life in a way that they will never forget.But make helping fun and not a chore.

Don’t give up – Sometimes you will see someone that needs help but will refuse to ask or will turn down your offer. Just stay persistent with this and see where and when you can help them out. Eventually they will give in and let you give them a helping hand.

Learn from others – Helping other people is a great way about learning more about how other people cope with things in life. We all tend to deal with things differently and seeing how and why they deal with things in this way will give you help in your life too.

People you don’t know – Having great manners is something that seems to be deteroriating in todays society. So if you see someone on the street struggling, help them out. Open doors for people, give up your seat for the elderly and pregant, help little old ladies across the road. A little kindness and help really does go a long way.

Smile and recognition – At the end of the day when you look back and be grateful for the day. You can reflect on all the good things you have done to help other people. Give yourself a massive pat on the back and smile knowing that you have done your best to make someone’s life a better place.

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Frequently Asked Questions About Helping Other People

What are the benefits of helping others? Are that you will be able to look back and know that you have made someone’s life better in some way. Despite the way we are in society sometimes with our heads down, we are meant to be in packs and helping each other, forage, hunt and eat. The way I see it is that when you help someone else you are also empowering yourself as a person. You become much more aware of your qualities and other people’s when you help them. Some people will eternally be grateful, other people will grunt but if you offer help you can hold your head up high knowing that you have been completely unselfish in your acts?

What do you mean by helping other people? It means giving people a hand when they need it. It can be anything from simple things to volunteering. But when you give time to others and help them with what ever they need you are offering them something that otherwise they would struggle with. All of us deserve to live a great life and we can do so by helping people with things that they are struggling with. It is a great strength to have when we can condition ourselves to help people when they need it and without expecting anyting in return.

How can we help others? You can volunteer to help the elderly, sick, children, animals and many more society’s. Also if you see someone struggling at work, shopping, in the street, wherever, then offer them a helping hand. You can carry bags for people, open doors, just where you see an opportunity, give someone a helping hand.

What is the feeling off helping other people? For me, I love seeingpeople’s faces, a lot of people don’t like to ask for help as it is seen as weakness. It is not, if you cannot do something else, then always ask for help. I love helping people and like to see the smile on their faces because they know there are kind people out there that actually care in this World too.

How does helping people help you? This to me is all down to Karma and when you need help, then hopefully someone will be there for when you need them too. Also you will learn a lot about yourself and other people by simply helping out. Try it and see how you feel.

There you go everything I have to say on why you should help others too. If you like what I say then join my transformation program below and we can work together on living life with a smile and helping yourself and others too.

Wishing you all the best in life Scott

Why Helping Others Will Change Your Life Too published first on https://changeurlifeforever.blogspot.com/

#personal development #positivity #self help #confidence #law of attraction

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christinegphillips · 4 years

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Stop Passing The Buck And Take Responsibility In Life

Today we’re going to talk about passing the buck and if you want to know it’s true definition click here. But if you want to learn how to stop passing the buck and take responsibility for your life then keep reading for the transcript, tops tips on how not to blame others and frequently asked questions on why people pass the blame to others. Then keep reading.

Take Responsibility For Your Life And Stop Passing The Buck Transcript

0 (1s): Hi there and welcome to changeyourlifeforever.co.uk. It’s Scott, your host talking. And today we’re going to talk about Stop Passing The Buck And Take Responsibility In Life because I think at some time or another, most of us through life have blamed someone else or blamed something, or kind of looked at a situation and went it wasn’t me, and I remember when I was a kid kinda anything that went wrong went wrong, my mom would in the room room and say to my brother, did you do that? And he’d say, no, it was Scott.

0 (32s): It was him mom, honestly. And he would refuse to admit or take responsibility for what he had done wrong. And he consistently blamed me all the way. It was always my fault. And it’s quite funny because the thing most people do that because excepting that you’ve done something wrong is really, really hard for people to, to do. Because you think that your gonna get scolded, or you think that you are going to be in trouble for something so people hide away from those problems?

0 (1m 4s): And it is quite easy if you stop passing the book, because when you take responsibility for what you’ve done, you can work out what went wrong. You can look inside yourself and say, yeah, I did that wrong. Oh my God. You know, I made a massive mistake, but I stick my hand up and I won’t ever do it again, and people will help you. And people would rather know the truth than they would if you to actually passing the buck and not taking responsibility for your life.

0 (1m 35s): And kinda there’s more examples. You know, I work with lots of big industries and kinda they bring out lots of different solutions for how to manage projects and programs like waterfall and agile and when it comes down to it, most of those individual teams work in silos. They work individually. They don’t work together as a team. So when you get them handing off from one team to another, there’s things that are wrong, dates that aren’t delivered, generally what happens is one group will blame another rather than working together.

Stop Passing The Buck And Take Responsibility – Photo by Castorly Stock from Pexels

0 (2m 9s): And working out where the problem is where things went wrong they actually just blame each other. And that means that passing the buck somewhere else means that things don’t get done and things over run. And it just creates a massive horde of problems. Whereas if you get the team’s to gel together, working together, like you would in a football team or rugby team, you know, you chuck the ball to someone. If you throw a bad ball and they drop it, it’s not their fault for dropping it. It’s your fault for not passing the ball in the right way.

0 (2m 43s): So I think when you look at life, if you can look at it and you can say, yes, I will take responsibility for this. I own this. I own everything that I do. And when you make a mistake, when you do something wrong, you can put your hand up, you can admit it and you can feel safe knowing that the outcome will be a better outcome than it would be if you hide away or blame someone else. And we all do it. It’s like, in families, , we can blame each other for different things that happen.

0 (3m 15s): You know, someone’s smashed a dish or, something didn’t get done. And all of a sudden we’re blaming people within our household for stuff that is going to make them feel horrible. And if you have ever been blamed yourself, you will know how horrible that feeling is, you will know what it’s like when you’re waiting for somebody to find out what you’ve done. And then probably punish you for it. But, if you work on the other way and you put your hand up and you take responsibility for that, and you’ve don’t pass the buck, then things will work out better.

0 (3m 48s): Saying that, I remember when I was a kid, as well as I was playing football or in the house, bit stupid really, to be honest, and I kinda hit the ball and it hit the telly. And my mums statue on the top of the tele she’d saved up years for it was her most precious thing fell off the tele smashed on the floor. And when she come in I ran straight up to her and i was crying my eyes out. Mom mom, I’m really sorry. I’m really sorry. And she was like, wow, have you done? What have you done? And a one man. And she was angry because I admitted what I did.

0 (4m 19s): She didn’t punish me. She understood. She wasn’t very happy about me playing it football in the house, but you know she understood and she was grateful that I came forward and actually told her because I could have just glued the tail back on it and just left it and hope she didn’t notice, but that’s kind of deceitful. And when you take Responsibility the punishment, isn’t as bad as you think it will be. But if you pass the buck to somebody else and you blame that other person you’ve got the guilt of knowing that person.

0 (4m 53s): Actually hasn’t done anything wrong. Anyway, it wasn’t their fault and communally, whether we’re in a family, right? Whether were at work, we should all work together. We should help each other. Our job is to make our lives better to support each other. To big each other up, to make sure that we as a family or whatever work together. We understand each other where empathic to each other, there are no secrets. We kind guide each other in the right way, which means that when something does go wrong.

0 (5m 26s): You just need to learn to stop passing the buck, suck it up and take that courage inside to go, I’m really sorry. It was me and then later on you take responsibility for your actions, you make sure that you never do it again and you learn from your mistakes, but you really do have to make sure that you are taking that responsibility because that doesn’t sit with anyone else. It will make you become a better person by understanding what you are capable of, admitting things.

0 (6m 0s): You also don’t get that intrusive thought problem where your then going away thinking about it, Oh my God, I did this today and I blamed someone else. And what happens if someone finds out, because all those thoughts that you have in your head just coincide to an increase bad mental health issues, stress and anxiety and everything else, but its forced upon us when actually what we should do is keep hold of that book ourselves and go, yeah, it was me.

0 (6m 31s): I am so sorry. What can I do to make it better? What can I do to make sure that the outcome is a better one and that is by admitting it. And it is by sticking your hand up. And when you’re at school, as well the teacher would go, who did that and everyone will go It wasn’t me, but it was someone. And then everybody gets detention or whatever, just because somebody’s threw a book or made a noise or, or whatever, because no one likes to take responsibility when they’ve done something wrong.

0 (7m 2s): They may think it’s funny when they do it in the first place, but then they’ll pass the buck to someone else to say it wasn’t me miss. It was them. Or it wasn’t me mom. It was them. And that just leads to a pathway where you are avoiding taking responsibility yourself. And if you can learn to be told off, if you can learn that it’s okay to do things wrong, then you will avoid a load of stress and a load of anxiety. And I know my son he’s got great manners he’s a lovely lad.

0 (7m 34s): And I adore him and you know, the other week he kind of spoke out of turn to my wife and I was like, hold on a minute. That’s not you. And I took him upstairs and I said, do you think that was like you normally act, and he said NO it isn’t dad but I’m under a lot of stress. I’m having all these problems. And you know, I just took it out on Caren and kinda it made him realize and take responsibility for his actions.

0 (8m 6s): He apologized straight away because he knew that he was in the wrong, but he’s never liked being told off. So the way that I have to approach it with him is by having a conversation trying to understand emotionally why he did those things, what was it that made you pass that buck and take it out on my wife? You know, why did you do that? And not in an aggressive way, but in a way that he could simply understand why not taking responsibility for his actions would have worked out worse, because if he hadn’t of admitted it, then I probably would have said you’re being rude and I don’t want you to do it again.

0 (8m 43s): I am not happy and everything else. And when you are assertive to people like that, they do feel as if they are being cussed. They do feel as if they’ve done something wrong? So it’s about nurturing that out of people. So you can make them feel that they don’t need to pass the buck. That they can take responsibility because life is about growing and it’s about finding out more about ourselves. So it make sure that you’re not passing the buck on to anybody else, take responsibility for your own life.

How To Stop Blaming Others Top Tips

Admit it – This takes courage and balls to admit when you are wrong. But by taking responsbility and keeping the buck yourself, you will learn more about yourself. Being able to do this is a great skill but know that we all make mistakes, we all mess up, just put your hand up when you do and admit it.

Accept it – If you are going to admit to something and take accountability yourself, make sure you are also willing to accept the consequences. Some actions do unfortunately come with consequences, so no regretting it later. Just accept the position, learn and move forward.

Stopping blaming others – Rather than blaming someone, understand why they have done this in the first place. It might very well be that they meant to do it, or it could be a genuine mistake. Our job however is to move forward and help them move forward too. So be empathic, understand the why, then be a part of making things better.

Don’t lie – I say this to everyone, once you start telling porkies and blaming other people. This will form a nasty habit and you will forget the things that you lied about too. Then you will have a massive set of lies building up that you will eventually get caught out. So always tell the truth and put your hand up and admit your mistakes.

Do it now – If you have made a mistake or been blamed or passed the buck. Then raise it straight away so that a resolution can be made as quickly as possible. There is nothing worse than someone finding out what has been done as this will only make them mad.

Apologise – Some people no matter what you do with them, they just cannot apologise. Whilst apologies shouldn’t be done all the time, if it was you that caused the problem. Then learn to put your hand up and say sorry for what you had done and then never do it again.

Wrongly accused – If someone has wrongly accused you or blatently put the blame on you. Do not worry as people are not stupid and most of the time they know who did it. So the only person that they will eventually ridicule will be themselves. Stay true to yourself and do not let others suck you into a blame culture. If you take responsibility for your own actions and are a kind and caring person then people will see through the other persons buck passing persona.

Don’t worry about it – It doesn’t matter what it is. Once you have apologised or fixed the problem, do not pay it any more attention. Constantly replaying situations in your head will not change anything but will just make your anxiety worse. So follow all the tips by capturing blame early on and dealing with it and then move forward.

Moving on – Don’t hate the person for blaming you, just be proud that you know that you take responsibility for your own actions. Other people will do whatever they want to and acceptance of this is paramount to divorce yourself from other people’s issues and problems. If they have a problem with you so be it, try and sort it out with them. But if they have blamed you in the first place it is likely they will shy away from the truth. So accept the situation, bury it and move on as quickly as you can with another lesson learned under your belt.

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Frequently Asked Questions About Passing The Buck And Taking Responsbility

What does the phrase pass the buck mean? To me it means passing responsbility or blame to someone else rather than taking responsbility yourself. It can aslo mean that you see this as not your problem or fault and are willing to pass the consequences to someone else instead.

Who said the buck stops here and why? President Truman – the decision has to be made. Quite often this is used when someone does take responsibility for their actions and they know that their decision is final and the event stops with them. You could say today as a team we are going to win the premiere league but the buck stops with me to make this happen.

What is the buck stops with me? As above it means that there are no further actions and that the person is taking responsibility for the decision. Which also means that they accept the consequences of their actions and are will to to stick with that, rather than blame someone else at a later date.

What does it mean to take responsibility? It means accepting that the situation sits squarely in your hands. For instance if someone asked you to babysit because they were going out for the evening. The responsibilty sits with you to make sure that the baby is well looked after and cared for. If something happens then you take responsibility for it and own up to it.

How do you take responsibility for your own actions? You do your best with whatever life throws at you and be honest with your critique about yourself. We all fail and we all make mistakes. Some things we are good at and some things not so good at. So when something goes wrong just admit that you have done it and learn from and it move on. Be proud of the job you are doing and take the responsibility seriously.

What are some examples of responsibility? There are loads of examples here, Doctors, Nurses, Plane Drivers, Managers, Teachers, Brothers, Sisters. You name it everyone has responsibility for something, whether you think that is a small thing or a massive thing. We all have responsibility and it is our responsibilty to look after ourselves, be kind and be the best we can be in life too.

So that is everything I have to say today on passing the buck and taking responsibility for your own life. I hope you liked it and please do join me on the transformation program below for more interesting stuff about life, happiness and living a great lifestyle.

Catch you soon best wishes Scott

Stop Passing The Buck And Take Responsibility In Life published first on https://changeurlifeforever.blogspot.com/

#personal development #positivity #self help #confidence #law of attraction

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christinegphillips · 4 years

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How To Stand Up For Yourself And Be Assertive

Today we are going to talk about how to stand up for yourself in life. This page will cover the audio above, the transcript and then we will discuss further tips,frequently asked questions about standing up for yourself further down the page.

Stand Up For Yourself Transcript

0 (1s): Hi there and welcome to the podcast for changeyourlifeforever.co.uk. It’s Scott, your host talking. And today we are going to talk about how to stand up for yourself because I’m sure everybody, at some point in time, has kinda felt as if there either being bullied or their doing something that they don’t want to do, or they are having a conversation that isn’t going their way and trying to be assertive and dealing with it in the right way is really difficult. But if you don’t stand up for yourself, the problem is is you kinda become weaker inside to the point that you probably go away and you will be unhappy with the situation and it won’t resolve itself.

0 (42s): And the situation will probably get worse, but you don’t have to be rude when you are standing up for yourself, you have to be assertive. So you have to make sure, first of all, that you listen to what that person is saying. And then you need to think before you speak, when you deliver your message to them, because otherwise, what you’ll find is, when somebody’s talking to you, when they are not happy with you, when it is a confrontation, they will say all sorts of different things.

0 (1m 13s): And if you get sucked into that conversation, you will end up retaliating, getting your back up and probably, either acting aggressively or saying the wrong things. So its really important that you listen to what that person is actually talking to you about then work out, whether it is something that is something that you’ve done or it’s something that they’ve done. As an example, I had a young lady working for me and she was under so much pressure at work and she thought the program manager was being rude.

0 (1m 47s): She didn’t think she was doing a good job. And she got herself really, really upset. And when I spoke too her, I said have an appointment with the program manager sit her down and just tell her how you feel, tell her how its making you feel the way that she is treating you and as a result of that. What happened was the program manager was actually in agony, she had a really bad back injury and unfortunately the drugs, they were taking weren’t working very well. So she was just being abrupt and she was being a little bit ruder than she would normally would be.

Stand Up For Yourself – Photo by Castorly Stock from Pexels

0 (2m 22s): But after that, because this lady had pointed it out to the program manager, the program manager then obviously started to behave in a much better way. So if you deal with things like that in a sensible way, then you will find that the solution is much better and talking to people, working things out without getting irate without getting agitated, without doing a tit for tat conversation, then things do get better, but you cannot just sit there and let people walk all over you.

0 (2m 57s): Unless you know, some people say kindness is weakness, kindness is not a weakness, kindness is the best gift that you can bestow upon anybody, but where kindness does become a problem is when you do not stand up for yourself and that is if people are taking advantage of your good nature, if they are not being polite, if they are not helping you, if they’re not giving back and that’s where you do need to stand up for yourself and it could be to stand up for yourself, with your parents, with bullies, with lots of different scenarios at work, but don’t let it lie.

0 (3m 34s): The best thing to do is to have confidence in who you are and confidence we’ve talked about before you build confidence up by being positive about your own persona, being happy with who you are and the way that you respond to situations and being a good and empathetic person. And by being empathic, that means that you’ve put yourself in that other person’s shoes. You look at the conversation from their perspective before you stand up to them.

0 (4m 6s): But sometimes conversation’s as well. You will get to the point where you do have a disagreement. You do have a stalemate. You can not move forward with it and in that case, you, you still stand up for yourself, but you agree with that party to disagree on that, but move forward because as adults, as we move through life, we’re gonna come across people that treat us badly, that treat us in a way that we’re not happy with. And if we don’t stand up for ourselves then we’re gonna get walked over. We’re not gonna have our points of view, we’re not going to be able to say what we need to.

0 (4m 41s): But you need to deal with it in a really professional and sensible way, which means tackling it when you’ve got time to think about it properly, that you’ve got clarity of mind. So that you’re saying the right things, you’re doing, the right things. Your not being aggressive, but you’re just talking to that person about how that situation makes you feel and I guarantee on the majority of occasion’s most people just snap. Their under stress. They are having a bad day.

0 (5m 11s): There is a misunderstanding or they haven’t listen properly. And if you take the time to discuss it with them, if it turns out that they are just a knob, then you need to walk away from them. If they don’t understand where you’re coming from, and you put across, your points of view in a really calm and clear way, and they don’t understand it, then walk away from them because sometimes you can’t argue with stupid and that’s something that my wife says, not to me, but you know, in previous experiences and its very, very true because when somebody doesn’t see your point of view, when somebody wants to dominate you, when somebody wants to make you feel bad about yourself, that’s them trying to control you.

0 (5m 55s): And you should never let anybody control. You should be your own person. You should deal with that. And as another example, I worked for a big insurance company once and I was a manager of one of the sites and I went on holiday. They put somebody in to replace me, but they never did all the reports. And while I was away. So when I went to the management meeting just before Christmas, the managing director told me that my reports haven’t been submitted. So he’s gonna deduct 40% of my pay.

0 (6m 26s): And I was like, hold on a minute. I wasn’t even there. I didn’t, I didn’t have anything to do with that. You put this person in and they said, no, no. We’re going to deduct 40% of your pay. And I was livid. So rather than let it lie, I did stand up for myself. And I wrote the CIO, a letter to say that it was actually against the law to take money out of my account. It didn’t turn out well, to be honest, what happened then was a, I got a phone call from the managing director. I got sacked on the spot.

0 (6m 56s): Then I got a phone call from the regional manager saying I wasn’t sacked and I could go back in to the office. Then the regional manager come round and started giving me written warnings and verbal warnings about dust on the photocopier and all sorts of things and the end I had to leave the job. There was no way that I would accept being bullied by this person who was just being completely irrational and completely un-understanding. So sometimes you do have to walk away.

0 (7m 27s): Sometimes you can’t win these conversations, but if you don’t stand up for yourself, you will become a mouse. So you need to raise your shoulders, walk around, be confident in yourself. Be Assertive, don’t take crap from people unless they’ve got something to say and it is relevant and you’ve been an idiot and you have been silly and you have done the wrong things. And then you need to look at it from their perspective, from your perspective and use that to grow as a person and become a better person as a result of that, because we all do wrong things.

0 (8m 1s): We all make mistakes in life, but you really do need to stand up for yourself. And my dad always told me when I was the kid and don’t do this yourself. Okay. But when we were younger, obviously things were a bit different at schools and stuff, generally you sorted things out with your fists rather than anything else was completely the wrong way to do it. But my dad always taught me to stand up for myself. And if someone bullied me was just to have a pop at them first, because bullies pick on people that they think they can take advantage of that they think aren’t confident and assertive enough to be able to deal with it.

0 (8m 38s): And they will continue to do that. They wouldn’t walk up to the most confident, assertive person and bully them because they know they wouldn’t win, or they know that they would be in for a challenge. So when you are assertive, when you are calm and you talk to people about the situation understand what’s happening, deal with it in a, in a sensible way, then you can come out with a good solution to the problem. But you do and always have to stand up for yourself.

My Top Tips On Standing Up For Yourself

Don’t be scared – The likelyhood is that if someone causes you to have to stick up for yourself then you will feel like it has put you in a bad position. Just don’t let those intrusive thoughts put you off, just approach them in calm manner, take deep breaths and wait for them to finish talking. Then think about you are going to say but be clear and make sure that you get your point across.

Take your time – don’t let anyone suck you into an argument straight away. If you need too ask the person if you can come back to them on that as you would like to think about it. When we react to things, we generally say or do the wrong thing. It is always better to have clarity of mind and come out with a good story when sticking up for yourself.

Be courageous – Know that if you don’t stand up for yourself that you will be walked over. People will back down when you speak up for yourself. Hopefully you will also point out that they were wrong and that they should have approached it in a better way. Pluck up the courage to be that strong person that you are.

Believe this will make you stronger – Learning about ourselves is a really important part of self development and when you learn to speak up for yourself, you will have a voice. People will listen and you will adapt your behavior to fit in as you find out more about who you are as a person too. Every conversation we have can be taken in a different way by everyone that is listening. Some people will only get half of the picture because they were not listening properly in the first place. So become a strong person and get your view point across.

Learn to say no – If you disagree with something that someone has said. Learn to say no, I don’t agree with you. We should all be able to have discussions rather than arguments and if you can come to an agreement between you. Then you are much better placed than creating an argument or simply leaving things.

Have confidence in yourself – Learning to value yourself as a person will also give you the confidence in your voice. I have a clear definition that i am always kind to everyone. This is not a weakness but i know that i have done everything I can to be a great husband, father, work colleague. So if someone does argue with me it is normally them that has the hump and not me. It is so much easier to stand up for myself when I am doing all the right things in the first place. Yes sometimes i can be an idiot too and I accept that but when someone stands up to you too, that is your opportunity to be empathic and see the story from their side as well.

Don’t be a hypocrite – If you have a habit yourself of pushing someone around or dominating them, then you cannot complain if someone does this to you. Karma has a way of coming around and giving you the same treatment. So if you want to speak up for yourself, then encourage other people around to do the same too.

Situations Where You Might Have To Speak Up For Yourself

Against bullies – There are bullies everywhere to be honest with you and learning to deal with this is an important part of life. Unfortunately we cannot get away from these critters. The best thing here is to report their behavior and let someone else correct it. It is likely that they might not see your point of view at all, it is always worth trying but if they continue their behavior. Then report them to the right person and do not put up with it.

Against parents – We all have run ins with our parents. We go through stages were we think they do not understand us and they don’t care. Generally this is not true and they will be looking out for you. Again sit down and talk calmly with your parents and let them know how you are feeling about things. Ask their advice and take their advice, but you will never know what it is like as a parent until you become one yourself. So look after each other and learn to discuss things rather than get into arguments.

In a relationship – Relationships are meant to be great and yes sometimes you will have disagrements on things. Again if you love each other then you will see eye to eye eventually. However if you are being bullied or not listened to by your partner, then you do have to stand up and speak up for yourself. If you don’t then you will just stack up issues against each other and then one day you will burst and say everything you wanted to say. It is okay to disagree with people but you have to have decent conversations and agreements to move forward to make things work out properly.

In school – This is a hard one because kids can be cruel. They will be even crueler however if you allow them to pick you and don’t stand up for yourself along the way. You don;t have to be rude or cause problems here though, take the person to one side and tell them how this situation makes you feel. I am sure if someone was doing it to them then they wouldn’t like it either. If they continue to be horrible then report them and at least you have given them warning here.

To your boss – This can be difficult but your boss is no different than anyone else. So you need to approach this with tact and also make sure that there are no flies on you either. If your boss is giving you trouble because you aren’t doing your work, then that is a very different problem than them being rude to you. If it is the latter again sit down with them and tell them how you feel and how can you resolve the issue for the best result for both parties. Hopefully they should listen and by speak up for yourself, you will have at least tried to resolve it, rather than it rearing it’s head again in the future.

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Frequently Asked Questions About Sticking Up For Yourself

What to say when standing up for yourself? This will change based on circumstances. What I do is. I ask the person to repeat what it was that they said. This allows them and I to understand exactly what the problem is in the first place. It might be just a misunderstanding or it could be that the person is being rude or acting in a way that requires me to speak up. So verify the conversation and have a discussion over it to see whether you can see common ground. If the person is trying to pursuade you in a way that you do not agree with, then tell them that. Let them know why you don’t agree and how it makes you feel. Also understand why they are asking in the first place however too. Everything we do in life will take some type of negotiation and you with practice you will learn the right things to say without being rude.

How do you be assertive whilst standing up for yourself? Tell the person NO that this is not what you want and the reason behind it. You don’t have to be rude but if you do not believe the situation is true then get your point across in a calm and well mannered way. Sometimes we get our own backs up first before really listening, so if you fully understand the situation then saying NO can be a good thing to do. Do not let people walk over you and make sure that they are aware that they have disgruntled you and why. Again you don’t have to be rude, but just say. Hi did you really mean to say that in that way, because this is how I took it.

How do I stand up for myself as a guy? This is the same for everyone to be honest. Guy or girl, we all need to speak up and not get walked over.

What happens when you to stand up to a narcissist? The likelyhood is that they will continue to argue with you. They might be up and down at times and agree with you sometimes and not others. This is more reason to get your point across and speak up, otherwise they may take advantage of you and the situation.

Why is it so hard for me to stand up for myself? Becasue sometimes we lack confidence and it is hard when someone is beating on you. The more you get used to doing it however, the easier it becomes. You just have to muster up the courage to stop the conversation and steer it in the right direction. I don’t take anything personally from anyone because generally their opinion doesn’t matter and as I said if you are kind and considerate to people, it is generally them that feels a fool in the end anyway.

How do I stop being a pushover? Learn to be more confident and take baby steps towards speaking up. It is a good thing to do to look after yourself, so don’t let people take advanatge of you. Believe that you are worth more than that and the way they are viewing you is wrong. Give unconditionally but don’t expect anything back and just be kind. Be happy in your own mind, unless someone is paying your bills, is your child or spouse then you shouldn’t let anyone push you over.

How do i speak for myself without being rude? You think about what you need to say and approach it in a calm and collected manner. You keep your cool and explain yourself in a way that gives the other person your viewpoint without attacking them or pointing out that they are wrong. When we get into tat for tat conversations they aren’t healthy. But if you adopt a calm approach to just expressing your feelings, you allow the other person to do the same too.

So that is everything I have to say on standing up for yourself today. If you want to improve your life, see it in a different way and learn to speak up for yourself. Then please do join my transformation program below and we can have a laugh along the way too.

Wishing you all the very best in your future Scott

How To Stand Up For Yourself And Be Assertive published first on https://changeurlifeforever.blogspot.com/

#personal development #positivity #self help #confidence #law of attraction

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christinegphillips · 4 years

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Never Give Up – You Can Do This

Transcript On How To Never Give Up

0 (1s): Hi, and welcome to changeyourlifeforever.co.uk. Podcast it’s Scott, your host talking again, and today we are going to talk about why you should never give up and its true, right. Life is a challenge life is one of those things that we fail at sometimes we come across obstacles that we feel like we can’t get over, we want to lose weight. We want to be fit. We want a great job and we keep trying and when we’re trying we just think that it’s not worth it.

0 (31s): And we just say to ourselves, I give up. I give up, I don’t need it. I’m never going to be able to do it. And I’m never going to get what I want, but your mind and your body are powerful things. When you tell them to Never Give Up when you tell it that you can do this, that you can do anything in life. Then your focus changes because you can see what you want. And if you want something badly enough, you won’t give up.

0 (1m 3s): You will keep going. You will keep trying. But the hard thing is, is to control your mind enough to know that you’re gonna get it and accept failure along the way. It’s like, if you’ve ever been to the gym, your working out and you go, God, this is hard work. I can’t do this. I’m going to give up. I’m going to cut it short. I’m not feeling it tonight, but if you just turned that around and say to yourself, I’m not going to give up. I am going to push myself harder.

Never Give Up Following Your Dreams – Photo by Ann H from Pexels

0 (1m 34s): I am going to try harder. I am going to get through this. I am going to benefit from this and the rewards, if you have them in mind of, getting a better physique, looking good, feeling good, and you keep that focus. And you know that what you’re doing is going to get you to where you want then giving up becomes less of an option because it is the easy way out. We can all give up. We can all try. And then our self worth kicks in and says we can’t do it.

0 (2m 7s): We can’t do it. And we convince ourselves of that and then before you know it, we’ve given up before we’ve reaped the rewards of what we want and life can be amazing. If you just choose to go out there and get what you want. If you choose to stay on that path and stay positive and stay consistent, right? You will get what you want and you will stand out above the crowd. You will be one of those people that everyone goes, wow.

0 (2m 38s): Look at them. And have you ever seen on the TV, people running marathons and people are staggering over the finish line falling over. Some of them are dragging themselves on the floor across the line because they will not accept failure. They will not give up. They will go all that way and make it across that finishing line. And it’s an amazing quality to have to push yourself so far that you can just keep going no matter what the outcome.

0 (3m 12s): And they teach you this in the forces that every single day, they push you and push you and push you to the point where they will want you to give up. But when you’re out in the war, when you are getting fired upon you, can’t be tired you can’t be hungry. You can’t give up because otherwise you’re gonna die. And some of the things that we do in life, we have to look at it and go, what does this mean to me to get it? What is the value of what I’m doing to make it so worthwhile that I am not willing to give up along the way and just push yourself.

0 (3m 45s): And if you finding that those negative thoughts, come in, those intrusive thoughts come along and kind of whack you along the way then get yourself a trainer, get yourself a trainer, either in life or at the gym who will push you, who will make sure that giving up is not an option. You don’t want to say to yourself, I’m going to give up. You don’t want to give in. You want to give it every effort every day. Habits takes about two months to form. So if you change your attitude into one that doesn’t think about failing, doesn’t think about giving up.

0 (4m 22s): It just thinks about success. Over those 2 months. If you tell yourself every day I’m gonna do this, I am going to do it. I can do it. You will do it. And those thoughts about, not doing it, I can’t do it and everything else will go away, but you have to train your mind to do it. Even things like interviews, you’re desperate for a job, just keep trying never give up, stay positive, know that there’s something out there.

0 (4m 54s): And know that you will get that job, know that the right job is waiting for you. But the problem is, is our minds come into play again. And they say, I’m not good at this. I was rubbish in that interview. You know, I’m never going to get this job. That’s where we have to control our thoughts and control our minds. Everything is a learning curve. If we can’t do something then learn from it and made sure next time you do it better, that next time you were more prepared. Next time you put in more effort.

0 (5m 25s): Next time you train a little bit more, but don’t give up, giving up is the option that will allow you to go, well, I can’t do this. When you can do it, you can do anything you want to in life. If you are willing to try hard enough and not give up. It really is a great thing, when you master it, when you focus your mind on moving forward, getting what you want, receiving the rewards and recognition at the end of it and going, wow, I did that.

0 (5m 58s): It’s like climbing a mountain. You look at all these mountaineers go to the top of Everest and everything else. Their fingers are freezing off and their in the ice cold, but they still keep going. So it shows you that the mindsets of people that don’t give up can achieve whatever they want to. And you can have it. You can turn this around. You can make life what you want it to be. You just need some encouragement to make that when you’re coming to cross that line.

My Top Tips On Never Giving Up On Your Dreams

Put a pause on it – If you really are thinking I give up, then just take a pause from it. Do not throw in the towel, just take a moment out to collect your thoughts and have some clarity on what this really means to you. Then muster the confidence again to say no way am I giving up, I can do this, I will do this and nothing is going to stop me.

Believe in yourself – Take control of everything positive you can and tell yourself that you believe that you can do this. You believe that it is worth the pain, you believe that you have the strength to carry on through this. You believe that it will make you stronger, you believe that it will make you a better person in the end.

Scream and shout – You don’t have to do this one out loud, but shout at yourself, become your own motivator and coach in your own head. Shout at yourself that you are not giving up, you are not going to fail at this, you are going to muster all your strengh and push yourself to the absolute maximum. You are not going to let yourself down by throwing in the towel.

Learn from this – If you do give up, try again but learn from your experience. If you need to do more next time then do it, whether that is training, learning or whatever. Do not let this experience conquer you, get back up on your horse and do it and do it as quickly as you possibly can. Accept any failure along the way but do not accept overall failure on this.

Get inspiration – Learn from other people on how they got through this, how they learned to not give up. How they pushed themselves when they felt like giving in. Take their inspiration and use it to your advantage.

Be courageous – Do not be deterred by danger or pain. The pain will go away along with the danger. Stop questioning yourself and just push yourself forwards. This is temporary but the rewards and recognition will be worth it.

Self esteem – When you do this when you don’t give in. Your self esteem will go through the roof. Yes you might be a little bit bruised, but you will feel amazing at your accomplishments.

Do more of it – Once you conquer not giving up. Do it again and do it better this time, go through it with all the lessons you have learned. The more we do things, the more we can push ourselves. We are capable of great things if we have the tenacity to keep moving forward.

Learn to enjoy it – Enjoy pushing your mind and body to the maximum. Prove to yourself that you are capable of doing great things. Prove to yourself that you are an amazing person and you can do anything that you want to. Love yourself for what you have been through and be proud of your accomplishments.

Frequently Asked Questions About Never Giving Up

What does it mean to never give up? It means that you are never willing to throw in the towel, no matter how hard things get. That you are willing to push your mind and body to the maximum to get you where you want to be in life. It means finding out more about yourself and what you are physically and mentally capable of achieving in life. It means working out where your failure points are and when you can no longer move forward. We all have points at which we cannot be pushed any further, but pushing yourself towards these will raise your self esteem and confidence in yourself. If you learn to accept failure as a learning curve that is.

Why you should never give up? Because you can do this. You can learn to take control of your mind and body. You can achieve anything you want in life. Giving up means that you are willing to accept that you cannot achieve this, when you can. You will be so close to your goal that it is wasted effort to not continue moving forward towards success.

Why do I quit so easily? Everything life is about education and experience. The more we understand ourselves and what we are capable of the better the experience. By doing more of things and practicing makes us better at what we do, until we hit a ceiling that is. So if you are finding that you quit easily try doing things that make you happy, or you enjoy. It is so much easier to push yourself when you get a reward that you are really happy with at the end. Like dangling a carrot for a donkey, everyone needs something at the end of the journey to make it worthwhile. You just might not have had a juicy enough carrot to get you rmotivated in the first place.

Is it okay to give up sometimes? Obviously we all have limitations, so yes it is okay to give up sometimes. Especially if this leads to physical or emotional distress that will have long term effects. We cannot win at everything, but we can learn and that is part of life is testing those boundaries and finding out more about ourselves along the way.

How do I motivate myself to not give up? This is a mindset of success. You have to push yourself forward and stop all the intrusive thoughts along the way. Do more things that you can achieve to get the rewards and confidence first and foremost. Then push yourself further with the things that you think you cannot achieve. Building up our confidence and learning our boundaries are paramount to feeling good about ourselves. There is no point pushing ourselves if the effects are going to be detrimental. So this is about having a do it now attitude and just not giving up. It doesn’t matter that you don’t win, but it does matter if you give up too early.

How do I stop giving up? Grit your teeth and enjoy the ride. Turn the voices in your head into one’s of a positive nature that can tell you, that you can do this. You can do anything that you put your mind too. Feel good about your achievements and keep going towards them at every opportunity. Pace yourself and set yourself proper goals. There is no point trying to achieve something like running a marathon if you aren’t going to train hard enough. You will set yourself up for failure and you will want to give up. So start of slowly pushing yourself until you reach your boundaries and then push a little more.

So there you have it, all the reasons in life why you should never give up. I hope you enjoyed it and please do join me on my transformation program below for more helpful videos and tips to help you get the best out of life.

Wishing a great future Scott.

Never Give Up – You Can Do This published first on https://changeurlifeforever.blogspot.com/

#personal development #positivity #self help #confidence #law of attraction

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christinegphillips · 4 years

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How To Stop An Argument In Its Tracks

How To Stop An Argument Transcription

0 (1s): Hi there and welcome to changeyourlifeforever.co.uk. It’s Scott, Your host of the podcast talking. And today we’re going to talk about how to stop an argument because generally, arguments are futile, right? They’re pointless, you find yourself talking to somebody and you’re just getting more and more irate and the more that you engage in the argument, the worse it actually gets, and kind of what happens is you get into a tit for tat relationship where they may say one thing, you say another thing.

0 (35s): And then all of a sudden, you both got your backs up. Your both getting upset and you can’t talk about things properly. You probably go away not talking to each other, and that can happen in a relationship or it can also happen with your friends, with your family, with everyone else. Sometimes those arguments just come from nowhere. You know, your in a bad mood, you’ve had a bad day, you come home, you take it out on someone they retaliate, and all of a sudden you find that your in a battle with somebody, and it’s a battle over words and you know, everyone is getting upset and no one really takes control of the situation.

0 (1m 12s): So you know, it doesn’t matter who you are, at some points in your life, you are going to end up arguing with people. And if you can learn how to have a conversation with someone properly, it really will help you out. And I know, you know, me and my wife are absolutely in love together, but occasionally we don’t see eye to eye and that’s okay. It is okay for everybody to have that freedom of speech, to be able to express how they feel and what their thoughts are about things.

How To Stop An Argument – Photo by Vera Arsic from Pexels

0 (1m 43s): You know, we have a very different way of parenting and I don’t see my kids very often. So when I see them, I’m more about having fun with them, rather than telling them off, but my wife is more into, you know, they should have rules, they should help. They should have manners. And my kids have got all that. But if they slip up I generally, you know, overlook it, let them get away with it. And sometimes you just end up getting upset with each other. And when you get upset with each other, anything can happen.

0 (2m 14s): You are going to stay stuff that you don’t mean. You are gonna say things that you can’t take back, but not only that, you will convince yourself that what you’re saying is right and that the other person is wrong. So the way that I deal with this is kind of, you don’t get sucked into the conversation. You don’t let anybody pull you into that argument and what you need to do is sit there and listen to people.

0 (2m 44s): And I learned this a long time ago. Then, when you have angry customers over the phone, they phone you up, their really upset, their really angry. You know, they know that they haven’t got their product or the product is broken or they’ve had bad customer service or whatever. And they just want to shout at someone, they just want to argue with someone for the sake of arguing and to get their point across and the way that you deal with it. It’s just about being nice and understanding where they are coming from. Everybody has thoughts and feelings. Everybody has their own ways of dealing with things.

0 (3m 17s): If you can empathize with this and look at it from their perspective and actually sit down and listen to what they’ve got to say until they finish, then you can try and help them with that conversation. And you can try and nurture them, to, you know, well, I didn’t see that from your perspective, I didn’t understand you were feeling that way. What can I do to make it better for you, what can I do to make the situation better? And when you don’t take things personally, it’s much easier to deal with because if you’re a good person, if you’re a kind person, and if you are trying to do your best for the people, you know that you are there to try and help them.

0 (3m 58s): You are there to try and make them feel better. You know? And, and sometimes teenagers come in and they have a good day or a bad day, you know, one minute their lovely, the next minute they hate you. And if you engage in that conversation at the time when they don’t particularly want you around, or they don’t want to hear your advice then you are wasting your words, and you’re wasting your time and all your doing is created an atmosphere whereby they won’t come to you in the future. They won’t trust you and your relationships with your partners.

0 (4m 29s): And that sense with your kids will just fall apart. So the best thing that you can do is just sit and listen. Don’t interrupt them, let them fumble around, let them say what they’ve got to say. Don’t take it personally and then sit back take a pause. And rather than telling them that they’re wrong, that they shouldn’t feel like that. But you know, the world isn’t against them and all that sorta stuff just ask them, how can I make this better for you? How can I turn this around so that you will feel better?

0 (5m 4s): And they might not be able to tell you they might rant again. But when you learn to just relax and not take things personally, you won’t retaliate. You won’t make that argument any worse than it already is because arguments do cause problems and they are not worth it. They’re really not worth it. And if you find that you get sucked into a massive argument just put a pause on it and say, this isn’t the right time to talk about this.

0 (5m 34s): Can we sit down in a nice environment, go for a walk, and have a conversation about it, where both of you are taken out of that environment. And you can discuss things properly. Because if you love your friends, if you love your partner, if you love your kids, you don’t want to cause them harm. You don’t want them to be upset, but sometimes people do things wrong. And sometimes they will blame anybody and everybody around them because they won’t want to accept that blame themselves but if you can make them see that what they’re saying is wrong, then they will see it for themselves.

0 (6m 14s): It’s not your job to tell them sometimes if their being rude or whatever just say, you know, look you’re being rude, I can’t talk to you at the moment, wait until you have calmed down. And I’ll talk to you about it a bit later, but it’s really hard not to get sucked into that. And that’s why you have to be calm, you have to be patient and you have to give people time. And when you understand the full story, you’ll find that when somebody repeats what they are angry about.

0 (6m 44s): It will start to not make sense in their own mind. It’s a little bit like when you’re drunk, right? You can’t be wrong when you are drunk. When you’re drunk, you are the rightest person on the planet, and then you wake up the next day and go, Oh my God, did I really say that? Did I really do that, but that’s the same in everyday life when you get a bee in your bonnet, you want to take it out on somebody. You want to get that frustration out and I was laughing the other day because some guy on LinkedIn was looking around and, you know, COVID has been really hard for a lot of people.

0 (7m 16s): But he said he got so frustrated at the breakfast table. He got so irate that he had to go out on his bike. Then he explained why he was irate and the reason he was irate and unhappy was because of how much milk his son had put on his cornflakes. That just shows you sometimes, how irrational our behaviors can be. How irrational we are, when we want to take something out on someone, that we wanna blame somebody else for our mood, and that’s generally what people are doing there just taking it out on you.

0 (7m 53s): But when you can sit back and not take it personally and go, have a think about this? Come back and talk to me later. We can have a good discussion. We can work out the best way to move forward with this. Then things will work out. Things will get better and you will have a good understanding. And you’ll also earn each other’s respect because life is a compromise, right? You’re never going to have everything, that you want. You are never, always going to get your way. And the world is a big place.

0 (8m 23s): And there are lots of different people out there with lots of different cultures. The way they’ve been educated has been different, but everybody wants to be loved. Everybody wants to get on with each other. That’s how we help each other through life. So don’t get sucked into an argument. And if you want to stop an argument straight away, just put the breaks on pause it and ask the person, you know, can we discuss this later. It’s not the right time at the moment, but just don’t let yourself get sucked into the tit for conversation where you’re gonna upset each other, where you both going to come away, not talking to each other and not be happy.

0 (9m 2s): So just relax, be calm, and deal with it in a really good way. And that’s all I’ve got to say today on how to stop an argument. And if you’d like to join me on the transformation journey, where I’ve got lots of helpful videos to help you live a better life and, you know, enjoy yourself and be happy in life, they can come and join me through the video below this post.

My Top Tips On How To Stop An Argument

Listen – If you do not listen to what the other person is saying. You will miss the point of what they are trying to get to and this will just frustrate them even more and you won’t be able to stop an argument.

Do not interrupt – You might want to get your point across, but wait until they have finished what they are saying first. Everyone gets very frustrated and angry when they are interrupted.

Have patience – This could take some time, so be patient, even if your blood is boiling, take deep breaths, and be patient until they have finished.

Have some empathy – We are all individuals with different feelings. This means we can all go through the same problems, issues but feel them in a different way. Try and understand why they are feeling this way so that you can see things from their viewpoint too.

Choose another time – If the time is not right to talk about this then don’t. If you can see that frustrations are getting out of hand on your side or theirs, then pause the conversation until another time if you want to stop an argument.

Be prepared to compromise – Sometimes we just not see eye to eye on things. Therefore we have to agree to differ in some arguments. As long as you can work together to agree on this then hopefully it should stop arguments about the same thing in the future.

Think before you speak –Thinking about what you are about to say before you speak is really important. We can all get sucked into conversations and say hurtful things to each other. To avoid this where necessary.

Stay calm – do not let your temper flare. This is hard sometimes, but just stay cool-headed and do not let your emotions run freely with you.

Apologizing – If you are in the wrong, then apologize. We can’t be right all the time and sometimes a simple apology might just save the day.

Make sure you make up – Arguments are generally silly and stupid. Our pride however sometimes gets in the way of our feelings. So be prepared to come to a compromise on things and give each other a hug and move on. Nothing is irreparable unless you let your intrusive thoughts run wild and you start hating the other person as a result of what has happened.

Frequently Asked Questions On How To Stop An Argument

How to handle arguments in a relationship or with your partner? You are never going to see eye to eye all the time in a relationship. Try and avoid arguments by having healthy discussions instead. There is a time and place for most conversations and you both have to be in a good mood to discuss important issues. Work out whether the problem is big enough to cause an argument in the first place. Most of the time they are not, we are just simply in a bad mood, jealous, feeling neglected, taken for granted, etc. But reacting sometimes can just make things worse. If you truly love each other, then you will always find a way to come to a common understanding, even if it takes a little time to get there in the first place.

Circular arguments in relationships? These are a nightmare, right? Every time you have an argument, they bring up the same points over and over again. This could be because they haven’t fully resolved the issue the first time around. The best thing to do with this is always agree to draw a line in the sand and move on when you come to an agreement on stuff. Stacking things up and not letting go of the past will just do you both some damage. So choose the right moments to talk and then agree you are both happy with the outcome.

How to disengage from an argument? The best thing to do is not get sucked in. This is really hard because our instant reaction is to defend ourselves. The one thing however that we have to remember is most people are only seeing the situation from their perspective. Let them have their say and then let them know you will think about it and talk to them when you are ready to discuss things together calmly. You can also just tell them now isn’t the time and can we talk about it later.

Constant arguing in a relationship? This is a nightmare again but does happen. When you are getting to know each other, you will both have habits, you will both grow together and you will both change due to circumstances. If you truly love each other then you will find a way to discuss things in a sensible way and come to good conclusions. If your arguments are just putting each other down all the time then this is not healthy and you might have to move on. Arguments are healthy and everyone should stand up for themselves. Unhealthy arguments however can do untold damage that cannot be undone.

How to stop arguing with your boyfriend every day? Talk to them, understand why or what they are doing that is causing the arguments. If it is you then apologize to them. Sometimes like I said before people get on our nerves, not because they have done something wrong but because we are in a bad mood ourselves. So work out whether it is you thinking it or they are actually doing something. Trust is a big thing in relationships and being able to discuss your future together and agree to love each other is paramount if you want a healthy relationship.

How to not engage in an argument? Again do not get sucked in. If you can feel yourself getting irate and wanting to hit back then just take a deep breath and withdraw yourself from the conversation. It is likely you will have to have this conversation in the future, this might just not be the right time or place for it. Explain that it is not the best time to tackle this and walk away, but be polite and be kind and let the other person take time to calm down too.

Healthy arguing techniques? Check above there are 10 helpful ways to have a healthy argument instead.

There you go that is everything I have to say on how to stop an argument in its tracks. If you like what I say then do joing my program below and we have a laugh along the way. Wishing you all the very best Scott

How To Stop An Argument In Its Tracks published first on https://changeurlifeforever.blogspot.com/

#personal development #positivity #self help #confidence #law of attraction

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christinegphillips · 4 years

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Letting It Go And Living Life With A Smile

Letting it go whatever it is that is troubling you is the best thing that you can do and as quickly as possible. The longer we leave things in life the harder it is to start the process of letting it go. We can be consumed by our intrusive thought process that goes around in our heads.

Our voices pushing us to revisit the situation and to find out more about the problem, rather than just leaving sleeping dogs lie and know that life will get better. If we take a positive approach to things in life instead. Some things were just meant to be and there is nothing that we can ever do to change them. So accepting sometimes that things do happen for a reason can help us understand how to come out of these situations with a smile instead.

Letting It Go – Photo by Paolo Bendandi on Unsplash

I remember when my ex left me and didn’t want to talk or make things up or try anything at all to work things out. At first I was devastated and was in shock. I just couldn’t get out of my head that she was leaving me with my daughter and that i wouldn’t be able to see her everyday and be the dad that I so desperately wanted to be.

Now this isn’t the first time that this has happened to me so luckily I knew how things would go and I decided that I would just let it go and move on because there was no point delving into the why’s and whats. The torment of it all just isn’t worth it and the intrusive thoughts you get are like having mental turrets and to contain them is frustrating among many other emotions.

I am sure you have been in this position yourself when you have had an argument or a disagreement with someone. The thoughts go around in your head and you tell yourself, I can’t believe they did that, I can’t believe they said that, I can’t let them get away with that, that is not fair because you did this. It is really easy to get into a tit for tat converstation and before you know it rather than letting it go, you just get sucked in deeper and deeper and make things worse.

So sometimes we just do have to bite the bullet if we want to move on in life and the below are my tips on how I dealt with letting go of the situation and moving on to a much better place in life.

My Top Tips On Letting Go And Moving On

Your thoughts – The only person that controls your thoughts is you. Whether we like it or not the only voice in our head is our own telling us to do things. By calming these messages and understanding them and processing them with clarity rather than reacting will keep you safe. Our minds can make up a million stories to any given situation, so it is always important to believe in the facts and not the fiction that our minds try to play with us. They are just there to protect us, but I guarantee that whatever you are thinking is not the same as the other person. So until you know the absolute truth, do not believe everything that you think and feel.

Become a better you – Sometimes in life we need to let go to become a better person ourselves. To learn from situations and understand ourselves better. As sometimes, things where definitely meant to happen. Whether we are heart broken or left shattered as a result of this, life is an experience and the only thing we can control is our own thoughts. We cannot control the thoughts and actions of other people. No matter how hard we try to make the situation better, if the other person has decided on how they feel. You will just make yourself look silly trying. It is better to always walk away and let it go and let them come back to you and if it was meant to be, they will come back.

Learn to communicate and stay calm – Staying calm in these situations is really hard because it doesn’t matter what happened, you will need answers to your questions. If you cannot get the answers or don’t like the answer, then you have to communicate in the correct way. Sometimes we need to apologise and sometimes we just need to accept that it wasn’t meant to be. You cannot go in shouting, as this will just make the situation ten times worse. So keep calm as much as you can and you will be able to process your thoughts in a much better, clear and consise way.

Accept the situation – When bad things happen to us and our minds delve on it and we cannot do anything about it. We just make the situation worse for ourselves and before we know it, we are saying well it could have been like this, it could have gotten better, if only. But this is just torturing ourselves and does no good for our mental health at all. Bite the bullet, learn from the mistake, push it to one side and move on and let it go as quickly as you can. You have heard when one door closes another one opens. Well it will if you look positively on things, if you look negatively. The only doors that will be open will lead to a pathway that you do not want to go down.

Don’t take things personally – This is really hard because deep down we all want to know that we have done all the right things in life and we try to defend ourselves. Just because something didn’t work out or someone does not want you in their life anymore, does not mean this is personal towards you. It may very well be if you have wronged that person and in which case you need to rectify it and quickly. But when we can look at ourselves and be honest and see why these things have happened. We can make a choice to never make the same mistake again. This doesn’t mean losing trust in people either, it just means recognising sometimes that we do things wrong too. We all make mistakes we are all partly responsible in some ways for what went wrong. But we cannot hold ourselves responsible, crap happens sometimes and you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it.

Don’t get nasty and blame others – It is easy to feel full of resentment and hatred towards a situation or a person. You wouldn’t be human if this didn’t happen, but when you hold onto these feelings, that person and that situation will stay with you and the rot will just set in. By letting go and moving on you can brush these feelings to the side and move forward with your life. You never want to look back with regrets, just concentrate on having a better future moving forward instead. It is also natural to blame other people, but when we accept some responsiblity ourselves for the problem. We get to know more about ourselves and this allows you to find your inner yourself which will also help you not to get into the same situation in the future either.

Learning control in life – Sometimes our emotions can fire us up out of nowhere and make us blow up. Around some people that will bring out the worse in them too, as they might not know how to handle the situation. So learning some control in how you deal with situations is really important. Going for a walk or taking time out before you respond to anyone is paramount in not getting sucked into a situation you will regret later. Sometimes we do take things out on those we hold closest too, so learn to apologise and don’t just think it is okay they will put up with it. Because one day they won’t and they will walk away.

Life is meant to be fun – Life is not meant to be a continous barrage of unhappiness. But if you want to be happier in life, then learning to let go of situations is really important to continue your happiness moving forward. It generally comes with time and practice and you can practice this yourself, so next time you are not happy, teach yourself to look at the situation in a different light. Don’t wind yourself up but ask yourself whenther holding onto this anger will do you any favors in the future. I guarantee if you do not let situations hurt you and instead can shrug this stuff off, your mind will be so much more peaceful.

You are really just hurting yourself – Recognise that the only person you are hurting is yourself, the other person or situation has probably just moved on and not paying it any attention. So those intrusive thoughts you are having are just destroying your soul and no one else’s. Jealousy can eat you up too and make you feel like you want to kick back, but you have to hold onto your horses and ride until you reach the top of the mountain. Most situations will resolve themselves naturally anyway but the overthinking process that goes into it is the one that destroys your soul.

Does it really matter anyway – Weigh up the pro’s and cons of the situation. Is your life really going to be worse off in this situation or can you make it better? If it can become better and you can see it and smell it and know that you can travel down your own path with a smile on your face. Then don’t look back and just let it go as quickly as you can. If your life is going to be worse, then try and rectify the situation if you can. If you can make sure you don’t end up in the same position again. If you can’t then accept it and move on as quickly as you can too.

If you have to, then do this – Get rid of everything that reminds you of the situation if it brings back bad memories. Close down relationships completely if needed. Remove anything that makes you feel bad about the situation and concentrate on new things in your life instead. Moving forward as quickly as you can and cutting all ties to the situation is something that will make you heal quicker.

Life is what you make it so enjoy it – When you realise that life is full of ups and downs and a bit like a rollercoaster. You will be treated like shit, people will try and bring you down, situations will try and bring you down and everything will stop you trying to live your best life. You never truly know anyone until they don’t need or want you anymore then you will find out what they are really like. Because you are expecting these things to happen, you become prepared and when you live for yourself in life, then you can stand on your own two feet and become independent on other people. You can become one with yourself and live the best life you can by not taking things personally. Knowing that shit does happen, moving forward and making a better life for yourself at every opportunity you get. If you are kind to others and give love freely and don’t get sucked into life by criticising others, becoming spiteful, hating life without putting in any effort and just letting it all go. Then you will live a more happy and sustained lifestyle.

Don’t be scared – We all get scared about things changing in our lives but sometimes change is necessary. Whether it is forced upon us or we make the change, sometimes it is much needed. Relationships move on, people move on but after all, most people will look after themselves first and foremost which is why you should look after yourself first too. You will survive and you will make it through this, you just have to be strong, let go of the past and put a smile back on your face as quickly as you possibly can. Be courageous and live life to the best of your ability and cast anything off that wants to mess with your mojo, because worrying about stuff isn’t worth it. If you can let it go and move on, you will feel like a massive weight has been lifted of your shoulders.

Let it go – My wife always tells me that you cannot argue with stupid and it is so true. Some people cannot communicate their feelings well enough and sometimes we cannot accept the truth either. This just means that situations escalate without the realisation that if you don’t come to a joint conclusion, you may as well just let it go. Letting go of some things is going to be painful but do not let it haunt you for the rest of your life. Do not live in regret and just keep moving forwards, so that you enjoy the time you have on this planet and live you for you and no one else.

Frequently Asked Questions About How To Let It Go

How do you let go and move on? You have to accept that the situation is over and also have something else to replace the feelings that you lost. Sometimes there is nothing we can do about things, apart from let them fall apart. Take responsibility for the part you played in this and learn from any mistakes that have been made. Build a better life for yourself moving forward and treat this as a bump in the road to reaching your final destination. Life is a funny thing as we are expected to know what job we want from an early age, have a few girlfriends or boyfriends, get married and have kids, work hard. But life doesn’t work that way and when you have not experienced the world, committing to these things is hard and growing in life reveals who we are. So use every opportunity as being experience. I am now 47 and have only just found my meaning in life, have just married the women I should have married in the first place. Made lots of mistakes but i have learnt that to hold onto the things you truly should, you have to treat them with care, kindness and they will stay.

Why do I have a hard time letting go of things? Rejection in situations is a really hard emotion to content with. We all want to be loved, recognised and rewarded for the things we do. As we have a rouinte when those things get out of line and change is imposed, we have a wobble. The uncertainty of what life holds takes a grip, so you tend to hold on, even if the situation is not right for you. It takes a great person to end a troubled relationship if it is not working out. But when you can see that there is no value to the things in life and it is holding you back, then you do have to let it go sometimes. In order to let go most people need something to replace it. Which is why some people cheat, because they are trying to find out whether the grass is greener on the other side. To have something to move too. This does not change the underlying causes of problems though. As they will always carry the same traits over with them and most relationships are pretty much the same. So live for yourself and keep yourself happy and if something does not add value to your life and you have done everything to change it. Then just let it go.

Why is letting go important? Because if you don’t, you will just torture your mind with revisits of a situation you can do nothing about. Bitterness will set in and you will find it hard to move forward in life. We should always be concentrating on the future, rather that reliving the past. What we cannot change or have no power over we need to remove from our minds otherwise the torment will cause issues with your mental health.

When should you let go of someone? That is a really hard questions. I guess my ex got rid of me by saying if it wasn’t going to be now, it would be sometime in the future anyway. It took a lot of guts for her to say that and to follow it through too. I offered everything to her but she had already made her mind up. So I would say, when you have done everything you can to make things right, you cannot communicate anymore, you are unhappy and you are not adding value to each others lives. Then it might be time for you to move on. A lot of people stay for the sake of the kids, this is a decision only you can make. I have been lucky that my kids stepdads have been amazing and to take on someone else’s kids as their own I truly value them for. If you are going to walk away however, you have to make sure that you have a clear vision that your life will improve, never look back and smash life out of the park.

Is it true if you love someone let them go? Love is a funny thing and sometimes we can feel like we are in love. But without experiencing this emotion with lots of different people, you never know what that true feeling is like. You also cannot change other people’s minds for them, so despite the fact you might love them. If they do not love you back then you are wasting your time in finding that true special person in your life that will add massive value and love you back with all their heart. So that is a personal choice but you will also have to let go of all the emotions and baggage and move on yourself too and to a better place.

How do you let someone go emotionally? Some people do lots of different things with this. I have seen recommendations that you think of things that they have done badly until you build a bad picture of them in your head. This then allows you to let them go. I do not believe in this approach personally as I think hating others adds bitterness to your life and theirs. There is nothing worse than knowing someone out there hates you. So I value all the things they did for you but accept that i was just not the right person for them and nor me. When you meet someone else but put in strict guidelines of what you want next time and don’t settle for less. You will find someone bigger and better that fills your soul with Joy. You just have to be positive and be grateful for the times that you were together and not bitter over the things that you miss, because they can be replaced.

How do you make someone miss you? In life you have to be consistent. With my new wife I set the bar so high that sometimes I get caught out by dropping the ball. I text my wife numerous times a day to say how much she means to me, buy her flowers for her hard work around the house, open car doors for he and generally spoil her. There is no point doing these things however if you care going to stop it at a later date. People in relationships need a consistent approach and not a you aren’tthe man or women you used to be when we met. We all change but our caring and kindness should stay the same. So if you do everything to make someone as happy as they can be, they will automatically miss you, because they are your World.

I know some of these things sound easy but over time you will see for yourself that letting go really is the best option to move forward in life. If you cannot see things for yourself, then you are losing the battle. Most people cannot see where they are failing in life and find it hard to let go of their emotions. This can cause real emotional baggage that they take everywhere with them.

If you find yourself in this position, then over time realise that these thoughts and emotions are just holding you back and that you need closure on the situation. By having closure you will be able to move forward with a life that is more suited to your needs. A life that over time rewards you for being yourself and you will be so much happier in the days to come.

Life is meant to take you up to the stars. You are meant to live a life for yourself and be kind to others, to help others and not get brought back in time. Being brought back in time really will just make you feel helpless over the situation. So with closure you need to take control of your life and over time this will happen if you keep a positive outlook on life and know that you deserve more than what you had before. It is a trying time but the sooner you let go of the past the sooner you will move onto the better life that you will build for yourself.

So there you have it, all my blurb on letting it go and moving on in life. If you need help or motivation then please do join me on my transformation program where I go through every day strategies to add value to yours and other people’s lives through the daily videos.

In the meantime I wish you all the best of success in life and hope that you can now let go of the things that are causing unhappiness in your life. All my best wishes Scott

Letting It Go And Living Life With A Smile published first on https://changeurlifeforever.blogspot.com/

#personal development #positivity #self help #confidence #law of attraction

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christinegphillips · 4 years

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Things Will Get Better – You Have To Believe

If you need things to get better in your life then hopefully this article will help you to get there. I have suffered a lot of personal tragedys in life and the below is how I made things better for myself by controlling my thoughts and believing that life had more in store for me than just misery.

It can be hard to control our intrusive and obsessive thoughts because the voices just go round and round in our heads telling us things that just are not good for us to here. The mind is a powerful thing and can trick you into all sorts of feelings and thoughts that can easily run away with you.

The important thing to realise is that you can control them and they are your thoughts and if you put the below into action then you will be one step closer to making your life better in the future.

Things will get better – Photo by Vlada Karpovich from Pexels

My Top Tips On Things Will Get Better In Life

Stopping the intrusive thoughts – When something bad happens to us in life, our thoughts can run away with us. Sometimes we just have to disconnect our brains in order to have moments of clarity and stop those thoughts from becoming damaging to our souls. We have to switch our minds from the negative paralyzing feelings to one’s which show that the future can be brighter in everyway. One way to do this is by always moving forward in life and we will discuss this more in the below points.

The 7 stages of grief – Which are defined in detail by healthline here you will more than likely have to go through. Your emotions will highly be all over the place and your intrusive thoughts will at times just get worse and no matter how hard you try and control them. So you are not alone in this and everyone tends to go through these steps when something bad happens in life.

This is just temporary – Everyone says that time is the best healer right? But that doesn’t help you because you want the thoughts and the feelings to stop and stop now? The only way you can do this is really to move your thought processes onto something else and refuse to think about it. There are consequences to this also as holding back your thoughts might stop you from being happy again at a later date in life. This is because they might come back to bite you on the bum if you haven’t got rid of those emotions. The way that I deal with this is by the following

Acceptance – Once you have accepted that the situation has happened and that everything really does happen for a reason and you cannot do anything about it. Your thoughts will be able to move on. If you can do something about the situation however then you will need to address it in the right way until you resolve it with a positive action.

Move forward – When something leaves your life, it will need replacing with something else. So do what you can to find comfort in something that makes you feel the same way as quickly as you can. This will transfer the thoughts onto a more joyful feeling as it will replace the negative thoughts. I know this isn’t easily done in some situations but it will help.

Keep your mind focussed on new things – It is time to be the best person you can be by having a plan in life and keeping your mind occupied on what your life will look like. We really all are capable of doing or getting whatever we want in life and by having a pathway in life. Your mind will be concentrating on getting what you want out of life and the past will slowly fade away.

Take other people’s advice with a pinch of salt – This is your life and you need to think about how you feel about things and not how you should act based on other people’s ideas. I remember when I got divorced twice and everyone slagged off my ex wives. Now I am a pretty kind person and don’t like putting other people down. Sometimes we are also to blame for things and being bitter about others just eats away at you. So you have to happy with how you want to deal with the situation. I chose to be kind and move on in life but if I had off listened to other people, I probably would have done all sorts of unkind things. Just to pee my ex’s off. Would it have made the situation any better?Absolutely not.

Learn to communicate – Part of life is accepting that things do go wrong, that we do say things we shouldn’t, we do things we might regret, we hurt people’s feelings. This is normal and what we have to recognize is that we are not always right. What might seem the right thing to do for us might be completely different for someone else. So we have to be empathic in our behaviour and learn to treat people sensitively and in a way that adds value to both your lives. Arguments and tit for tat conversations are just harmful and if we can apologize and move on then you will be in a much better place. Unfortunately though when someone draws us into an argument it is hard not to retaliate. Just be the bigger person and learn to apologise when you need to and make up as often as you can.

Don’t be hard on yourself – It is really easy to blame ourselves and beat ourselves up about stuff. When we mull everything over in minds we really can come out with all sorts of outcomes. Sometimes we just have to accept the situation and move on, no matter how hard it is sometimes. Things where just meant to be that way. Just concentrate on being the better version of yourself and stay kind and conscious in your actions.

The time is now – If we want to make things better then we have to deal with the situation as quickly as possible. As an example someone wants to try parachuting. They are crapping themselves when they finally come to jump out of the plane. They spend 20 minutes, crying, screaming and scaring themselves half to death before they are forced to jump out. They land and absolutely love the experience but they spent 20 minutes scaring themselves when they were going to have to do it anyway. So always try and save yourself some time in life and stop scaring yourself and accept as quickly as you can. That you need to move on.

Believe in yourself – Never have regrets in life. Sometimes we do things we are not proud of or wrong things. Or just bad things happen. Recognise the situation and learn from it and don’t make the same mistake again in the future. This will allow you to accept that if a situation like that arises again in the future, then you will actively deal with it better. If you beat yourself up about it however and you can’t change it anyway, then you are only making your mental health worse. When we cannot do something about anything there is no point beating ourselves up about it.

Find yourself – Life is all about finding ourselves. Life is a test of our strenghts and weaknesses and will throw so much at you that sometimes it is hard to take. Our ability to just jump straight back on the horse or not will dictate whether things bet better quickly or over time. Every emotion we have is triggered by our own thought processes, when we learn to control them we can decide what upsets us and what doesn’t.

Be kind to yourself – No matter what happens your own mental health is really important and you really do have to be kind to yoursef along the way. Beating yourself up over and over will just bring you down and you have to get over the anger and realise this is what it is. My wife always asks me how I feel about things and I don’t. Until something actually happens then I don’t deal with it. My thought processes are always on fixing things when they happen, not doing something about something that may never happen in the first place.

Smash life – For every time that we get knocked down it is an experience. There are billions of people on the planet that will love us for who we are, there are billions of people in worse situations that we are in, there are billions of opportunities to make life better. We just have to recognise that we either live a life in gried or we accept that we have to move on. No matter what anyone tells you things will get better and you have control over this. So put a smile on your face and make everyday of your life count no matter what happens.

Frequently Asked Questions About Things Will Get Better

How do I get hope that things will get better? Some things in life there are no answers for and there is no hope unfortunately. These are the situations that leave us without meaning and feeling angry about the results. Losing people in our lives, sickness and lots of other things. The only thing that we can do in these circumstances is accept that they have happened. The journey will be hard and you will go through the stages of grief and things will get worse before they get better. You just have to live with some things, but we do have a choice still to live our lives or become consumed within it. We have to move forward it is just when we can. Our minds are powerful at creating problems and issues and not letting us move forward. I just now accept that things I cannot change or control then i have to let them go.

How do you tell someone that they will get better? It depends on what situation this is in as there are dramatic things that can happen to someone from splitting up, becoming sick, losing their job and many other things. All you can do is be empathic to that person and don’t judge them and listen properly to their story. You don’t need to do anything unless they ask you too as they might just need to get over the stages of grief first themselves. We all have an inbuilt survival mechanism that will kick in at some point, it just depends on how long it takes to get there. So support them by being positive and not getting down with them, help in everyway you can by adding value to the conversation. Reassure them that you are there for them at anytime they need you. Cry with them, laugh with them and do everything you can to help them move forward.

What does i can only get better mean? Sometimes this is said because people shrug of situations by saying things can only get better. It is a way of transferring your thoughts so that you let your mind know that the situation could have been worse. Our thoughts are really powerful and can convince us of anything if we let them. So moving forward with a postive quote such as things can only get better just realigns our thoughts to a more positive sping of things.

What gives you hope in life? Being kind and offering help to others. Giving love freely and supporting everyone through their growth path. We all want to be loved, rewarded and recognised for who we truly are. Unfortunately life can be cruel and we can also be governed by those people and let them hold us back. Life should not be like that and everyone should and deserves to be happy in life and i see at as my job to help other people feel good about themselves. Life is a big education and staying positive and looking at life through rose tinted glasses takes time. It can be done however and when you master your life and help others life does change.

Can you live without hope? I would say not in this case because we all have wants and desires in life. When we feel that we are not getting them we lose faith. We bad situations present themselves we hold onto them and think that life will always be this way. Just because one thing has happened however, does not mean it will happen over and over again. If it does then we are more capable of dealing with it as we should have learnt our lessons from the last time. We should live freely and not cloud our minds with issues and problems, but fill our minds with hope and dreams that we can have whatever we want in life. If we are willing to work hard for it that is.

I know sometimes life is hard and it is really difficult to see that things will get better too. But you do have to move forward and as quickly as you can. So feel free to join my program below and let me help you make your life better moving forward too.

It really just a change in perception and how we transform our thoughts into positive one’s, don’t take things personally, learn to be the best person we can be and just have fun with life. So I wish you all the very best in life and hope to catch up soon. Best wishes Scott

Things Will Get Better – You Have To Believe published first on https://changeurlifeforever.blogspot.com/

#personal development #positivity #self help #confidence #law of attraction

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christinegphillips · 4 years

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How I Overcome My Intrusive Thoughts – My Story

Today’s post is all about how I overcame my intrusive thoughts and got rid of my anxiety and mental health issues along the way. Now this is how I overcame them and my ideas and perspective may not be applicable to you and if you suffer from any sort of OCD, obsessive compulsive disorders or mental health problems, then please do seek advice from your doctor immediately.

Check out the podcast above too as this is a slightly different story than the one I will write here in more detail and should give you some further info on helping you understand your own intrusive thoughts too. One of the things I didn’t recognise at first was that just because you are having intrusive thoughts does not mean that there is something wrong with you. Sometimes as in mine it is lots of circumstances put together that just push you over the edge.

You are not alone however and please do not think automatically that because you are thinking these things, that you are crazy either. As some of it is too much overthinking and you need to be kind to yourself along the journey through understanding this.

Overcoming Intrusive Thoughts – Photo by Dmitry Zvolskiy from Pexels

Now the image above is relative to everything we are going to discuss in regards to dealing with intrusive thoughts but it is just one of the building blocks that eventually will push them to the back of your mind.

I spent quite a few years with serious problems all going on at the same time and I became sucked into a life that I hated. Although seemingly on the outside to everyone else, it looked like I had the perfect life I just got stuck and everything started to fall apart.

My first marriage ended and I had to leave my kids with their mother which was the most heart breaking moment ever in my life. She then moved them 300 miles away two years later. I got remarried eventually and had a little daughter only to be told that she didn’t love me anymore and wanted me out. On top of all of this over 15 years, I had a high powered job, was a great husband and father but just nothing would work out for me.

Several times I have been in the position where those intrusive thoughts have come knocking at my door and I have just wanted to end things. The only thing that ever stopped me was the thought of my children missing me. So I had plenty of conversations with the Devil about leaving me alone and crapping myself every time these thoughts came to pass through my mind.

I also started having anxiety attacks when I was driving and could not drive at all some days. The thoughts just came to me when I was in the car and I would shake and start to feel like I was going to lose control. Then I couldn’t visit my boys and it took me years to overcome this too.

Then I got remarried and things were going great and we had our little daughter. The birth was a horrendous experience and my wife at the time was rushed into hospital with HELP syndrome and she was also the wrong way round. She was operated on and on morphene for days whilst I took care of our newly born little girl. But I strongly believe that everything in life does happen for a reason. Then things were great for a while.

We bought the house of our dreams in a lovely Welsh village with stables and land. My daughter was absolutely beautiful and then I got made redundant after 17 years. I couldn’t get a job for 9mths and this put our relationship under some serious strain.

Then I got a great job but it was working 400 miles away. So I was away from home 4 nights a week and this again put even more strain on the relationship until my wife at the time said. I don’t want you anymore and I don’t need you here as I can cope on my own.

I was under so much stress at work delivering a £13M project with 45 people working for me that everything just hit me at once and I broke down. Visiting the doctor, he signed me off for 2mths from work and that was when everything started to change in my life. Despite my mental health being at its worst, I took control of my life and decided that I would never make the same mistakes again.

Everyday I walked for 3 hours in the hills, I was living in the barn until my ex moved out down to the village and I lost 5 stone and got myself fit. The intrusive thoughts kept trying to creep through but I followed the below and got better in no time at all.

My Top Tips On Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts

Being bitter – When bad things happen to us for some reason we become bitter and look to blame others for the things that went wrong. When you realise however that we are all to blame in some way shape or form, it allows you take responsibility for the things you do in life. When you hold yourself responsible, you can transfer some of that blame to yourself. Admitting when you are wrong allows you to really dig deep about yourself and learn to become a better person along the way. Bitterness like jealousy is a horrible emotion and can be carried for years if you don’t learn to control it.

Stopping the thoughts – I had a million questions I wanted answering and my wife gave me none at all. Just that it was over and that I would never understand and that I wasn’t the man she married anymore. I had loads of horrible thoughts, I hated myself, I hated her, I hated everything at first. If she left the house I was convinced she was going to visit a man and the jealousy would kick in. But every time I tried to talk she would just cut me off. Looking back this was the best thing she could do and then I read a book called clarity. It made me realise that I was causing myself all this pain unnecessarily because there was nothing I could do to change it.

Acceptance – When you accept what has happened and that you have to move in life, is one of the best things that you can do. If you think there will be chance of changing things, or put off the decisions you have to make. Those thoughts will just stay with you. This will cause increased anxiety as you will always be waiting for the answers you are never going to get. So accept the situation whatever it is and make a decision to move forward in life.

Looking after yourself – We forget sometimes that we are the most important person in our lives. If you have watched any of my videos or listened to the podcasts. You will know that I am an extremely kind person and will do anything for anyone. The problem was that I had lost myself and had stopped doing the things in life that made me happy. So the biggest thing I did was to start walking, training and looking after myself from a fitness perspective. As soon as I started doing this and the weight dropped off my mental health started to improve dramatically and I could think more clearly.

If you can’t change it move on – Some things in life we just cannot do anything about because we are not in control of it. When we are reliant on someone else and in my experience once they have made their decision you will never be able to change their minds. So rather than having all these intrusive and obsessive thoughts about the situation you have to accept it and move on.

Be bigger and better – It is so easy to retaliate in situations because you are bitter, feel rejected in life and just kick back at everything. But take control of those thoughts and stop the negative questioning coming in. Listen to them but do something to stop them by making a life for yourself that is full of fun and based around a life that you want to lead. Because when you live for yourself in life you are putting your own mental health first and foremost. When you are happy those thoughts won’t exist and everyone around you will be in a better place too. It is not selfish to look after yourself as it is your mind and the OCD and obsessive thoughts that you have to deal with if you don’t look after yourself.

Nothing is real unless you make it real – Life and people can be cruel and sometimes the thoughts you will be having will be inflicted by others. We have to learn not take these things personally, we all make mistakes, we all do things wrong and we are never going to get everyone to like us. When we accept these things and surround ourselves with the people that do love us, are kind to us, are there for us then we can accept the crap that everyone else throws at us. So if your thoughts are brought on by other people then it might be time to get rid of them from your life. Because the damage you are doing to your thoughts are not necessary when that person is probably an idiot anyway. We make those thoughts real by questioning ourselves and then believing that is the case. My wife’s ex was horrible to her in ways that made her feel devalued. No one should be able to make you feel like this. So empower yourself to push these thoughts out the way and the old saying, sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me, will always ring true.

Do everything you can to be kind to others – This is really important because karma does exist and it does come back to you when you least expect it as well. I studied a lot about manifestation and the laws of attraction and like really does attract like. So if you are unkind to others, then expect them to be unkind to you too, if the thoughts that trouble you are one’s that you question yourself over and over about. Then be kind and help other people, then when someone is unkind you don’t have to question yourself because you know you are a good person and would have done everything to make the situation better. Being kind to others is a great gift and we should all try and add value to other people’s lives.

Enjoy life – We all have a choice to get up in the morning with a smile on our face, whether we hate our jobs or our lives or whatever. We have the choice to change the way we feel about things by finding pleasure in the small things in life. Believe me that you can have all the materialistic things you want in life but they will not make you happy. What will stop the intrusive thoughts is when you have a life that you are content with and that you enjoy waking up to every morning.

Live in the future and not in the past – Learn to let go of the past as it is not a true reflection of the future. Just because something has happened or someone has let you down does not mean that this will happen again. If it does then you will be prepared for it better this time. See life as a challenge and overcome shitty situations with a positive result and do something about them. Do not let people or situations walk over you, learn to build your confidence and not take any shit from anyone in life. When you are in control of your life and doing everything you can to make a great life for yourself then the thoughts will come to an end.

Have a purpose or meaning in life – Find out who you are and what you are great at. What you enjoy doing and this will give you meaning in life. When your thoughts are actively thinking about how great you can make your life, what goals you can achieve and people recognise you for who you truly are then the horrible obsessive thoughts will start to disappear. Everyone questions themselves but you just have to be comfortable and happy with yourself.

Be you always and believe in yourself – Never ever try and be someone you are not and never lie to people. If you do this those obsessive thoughts will always haunt you. You have to be completely honest with yourself and others and not try to impress people by having in a way you think they want you too. No one should be in your life that doesn’t value who you are and want you around. We waste far too much of our time giving to people that don’t deserve it. You are an amazing person, we all are, you just need to be reassured and told that you are and the intrusive thoughts will start to recede.

Frequently asked questions about intrusive thoughts

Is it normal to have intrusive thoughts? Yes perfectly normal, we do all have them it is just most people are embarrassed or scared to say anything about them. There are varying degrees with OCD and obsessive compulsive disorders but in general most people do have them. From my perspective it is also linked into the overthinking processes that can cause these to rise in the mind too.

What are examples of intrusive thoughts? There are lots of different examples and it could be something as whether you have had an argument with someone and are thinking they are an idiot, you hate them, you will never be their friend again to having thoughts about hurting people, or suicidal thoughts. There are varying degrees of these types of thoughts but they are just thoughts and that is what you have to bear in mind.

How do I overcome obsessive thoughts? You need to be at peace with yourself and content with your thoughts and feelings. We all get angry, upset, are anxious at times and that is when these intrusive thoughts tend to rear their heads. When they come into your mind however you do need to label them as that and sometimes they may seem crazy and the thing is they actually are. Just because I have visions of doing something bad is very different to actually doing it. I generally just say to myself now that was weird, put it to the back of my mind and move on. Also I talk in the podcast about fitness and its contribution to improving your overall mental health and also having a goal in life to keep your mind busy and occupied enough to be able to revert your thoughts to something more positive instead.

Are intrusive thoughts a mental illness? Not necessarily but if you are worried at all then you should seek help. I nor anyone else can really tell you this unless you go and speak to a professional about your given situation.

What are intrusive suicidal thoughts? These are not nice and I have been caught with these at numerous times, from hanging myself of the balcony or in the woods, to putting a glass to my throat. That is how weird some of these thoughts can be sometimes. When I overlook them however and say that is just weird, move on with what I am going to achieve today and this week, how my kids and wife love me and would miss me then I can push them to the back of my mind. If you are having suicidal thoughts please do go and get help immediately though and do not leave it. Your life is precious and people will miss you no matter what you think.

Can anxiety cause obsessive thoughts? In my experience anxiety came from too much stress and a lack of confidence that built up over time and they absolutely contributed to my situation. I have been far less anxious since I started my fitness routine and am building a great life for myself. I always take the approach that nothing is important enough anymore to do damage to my own mental health, it doesn’t matter what it is, I take a much calmer approach to everything.

Will my intrusive thoughts ever go away? The will get less and less and less disturbing over time if you follow some of the tips that I have given. This worked for me however and might not work for you however and you should seek help in the first instance. With anxiety, ocd, mental health and obsessive compulsive disorders I don’t think you get over them completely as there is always an element of your thinking that might question whether they will come back or not. The thing needed is to brush these thoughts to the side and statistics are best. So writing down if you have any episodes and how far away they normally are will give you an idea of how you are getting on.

So that is everything I have to say on intrusive thoughts and now in life I have remarried and it is now nearly 3 years since I put my video program you can find together below. I quit my job, got remarried, took control of my life and I don’t look in the past.

I just believe that by being kind and giving love, working as hard as I can and trying hard in life that I cannot expect anymore. I hold myself responsible for how I act and think and the intrusive thoughts have gone for good and I hope they do for you too.

Join the program below if your interested it is free and I wish you all the very best in life and your future Scott

How I Overcome My Intrusive Thoughts – My Story published first on https://changeurlifeforever.blogspot.com/

#personal development #positivity #self help #confidence #law of attraction

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christinegphillips · 4 years

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Overcoming Adversity And Smashing Life In The Face

Overcoming adversity is a true skill to learn in life and once you learn it, you will never ever look back. You will become so powerful in your own life, that you will never worry about adversity knocking on your door ever again.

Challenges, bumps, problems, adversity whatever name you want to call it, happens to all of us in life. Some more than others unfortunately. Sometimes it beats your door down so hard, you just want to curl up in a ball and wish your life would just go away. It makes life so hard that it can become unbearable.

So below I am going to help by offering you some of the tips that I use to overcome adversity in every day life, things I have had to use to become a much better person and the belief that we can have anything in life we want if only we have the right attitude to get it in the first place.

Overcoming Adversity – Photo by Mikael Cho on Unsplash

I hated my life at stages and although I do not think my life has been anywhere near as bad as some people’s it’s still been a rocky ride with childhood illnesses, being attacked and having my ear cut off, friends and family dying, 2 divorces, 3 kids that live with their mothers, redundancies, rejections, failures, anxiety and depression to name but a few.

But you know what? No matter what shit is thrown at me. I will always overcome adversity because I know who I am and I know what I stand for in life and I know what I want and where I want to go and I will never let anyone stand in my way and nor should you. That is what I am going to pass onto you below is overcoming adversity with style and grace.

My Top Tips On Overcoming Adversity With Style

You are going to hate this – Fitness is the one thing in life that will make you feel great about yourself. If you really want to find yourself in life then listen up. I was overweight when my last wife left me and I vowed that I would never go there again and lost 5 stone in 3 months. Since that day I put everything into training my body, I have never suffered from anxiety or depression again. I train 3 times a day and started off just by walking and now cycle, box and walk. The attributes fitness gives you to not give up will help you overcome adversity in any situation, because you have trained your mind to keep on going.

The cards you are dealt – It doesn’t matter what cards we have been dealt in life and whether we like it or not everything does and can happen for a reason. It doesn’t matter whether we try and understand the reason, argue with it, get peed off with it. It is what we have been dealt and we cannot do anything to change it apart from the below.

Acceptance – When we accept who we are and accept what we have been dealt. Then we can move forward. We all make mistakes in life, we all do wrong things, we all give up, we all fail, we all have bumps. But when you accept this and that what has happened, has happened and use your strength to better yourself next time, to not make the same mistake, to not do the wrong thing, to not give up, to not fail. Then you will be one step closer to maintaining a positive attitude in life.

This is about you – In life no one else is to blame for anything no matter what the situation is. Like with acceptance above we have to move forward. This is about learning to love yourself and live with yourself in mind. To look after your mind and your thoughts and keep moving forward.

Your thoughts – The one thing that can destroy us all in life are the intrusive and horrible thoughts that run fervently through our minds. Those questions and ideas that stop us from moving forward. Those thoughts that tell us that other people are horrible and nasty and unkind. The negative thoughts that can stop us in our tracks in life. Once you learn that this is your mind, it is you that is in control of these thoughts. Then you can overcome adversity with ease. If you can stop the self doubting then you really are onto a winner. The way I do this is because I do not care if I fail, I do not care if I don’t win, I don’t care what people think. Because I know if I don’t get it this time then I will the next. So every manifestation I have in my mind is all about winning, I can see and smell success and I know it is around the corner. Sometimes I just have to be patient in order to get there. Everything happens when the time is right.

Do not listen to other people – Overcoming adversity means not taking things personally and not listening to the criticism of others either. Unless it is constructive and will help you deal with adversity in the right way. People can be cruel and will do anything to stop you from succeeding. Do not let them into your mind and to control your thoughts. Their opinion does not count and you should use every opportunity to prove them wrong and spur yourself on to give them the finger when you eventually prove them wrong. Believe me there is no better feeling than proving someone wrong with this.

You are amazing – Be the best you possibly can be in life. Go and live your best life everyday. Tell yourself over and over that you can do this, that life is good, life will get better. See it smell it and always move towards it. It may feel shit at times and it may seem like life has it in for you, but it really hasn’t, it isn’t picking on you on purpose, you aren’t being singled out and no matter whether you feel like that or not you have to make the choice to become great in life.

Fight with everything you have – The way I deal with this is pretty simple. I spent years talking to the older generation about the war. The things they saw, the things they went through and the fact that when ordered too, they ran over those trenches knowing they would be killed is something non of us know what it could feel like. So when I need courage in life, I think of these men fighting for our country to save our lives and I will not let them down by giving up or failing.

Coach or mentor – In life there are not many people that can bring out the best in people and when you really have to overcome adversity then the best thing you can do is get yourself a coach. A great coach will get to know you, develop you, make you stronger, make you greater, will give you confidence, will reward you, will recognize you and will be with you every step of the way. This does not have to be a paid coach, it could be a friend or family just someone that realizes the potential you have and can help smash diversity in the face.

Have a do it now attitude – The more we think about things the more likely it is that we will put ourselves off or increase our levels of self doubt. It is like people who do bungee jumps, if you are going to do it, just jump, why scare yourself half to death for 10 minutes thinking about whether you will or won’t. Just get the hard things over and done with in life and save yourself the hassle and the pain you will go through putting things off.

Enjoy life – Get out there and smile at people, give hugs, be friendly, be kind, give love and you will find that others will help you overcome the challenges and obstacles in life. When you are genuinely kind then others will want to help you. It is our choice to be a happy person in life, you can’t buy it, you can’t give it. All you can do is choose to spread it and if anyone wants to join in your happiness then they will.

Help others – Add value to other people’s lives, listen to them, have empathy for their situation, realize that they too can make mistakes, they can say and do the wrong things, be forgiving and don’t argue. Just add value to each others lives and help each other and big each other up as much as you possibly can.

Gratitude – This is a hard one sometimes because we do not feel grateful at times. When you feel like crap and you think the world has it in for you, it is hard to feel like this. When you do all the above however and have a plan and goals to achieve in life then you will find things to be grateful for. In my eyes if I am walking and talking then life is your oyster and we can always do something to change it.

Meaning in life – Find your meaning in life and stick with it. It doesn’t matter what it is just keep going on that path and know your worth in life and have a destiny and a place that you want to get to. Take control of your life and do everything you can to cheer yourself up and live your best life.

Don’t be scared – I always look at this as being, what is the worse that can happen. If we are trying our hardest in life, being kind and following our dreams then things will happen positively. We might have some massive obstacles along the way but you need to jump over them. The easy way to do this is by being prepared for failure, but set for success. If you look at the obstacles and have a plan for getting over them you will never feel scared. Even if the obstacles come out of the blue you will find that keeping your mind focused on your goals in life will not only allow you to overcome adversity but will make you feel good about overcoming those obstacles too.

Improve – Learn to criticize yourself and get to know yourself. Know when you have done the wrong thing and correct it, learn lessons about yourself and proactively change your behaviors. This is a really hard thing to master but you always want to be a greater version of yourself. Their are billions of people on this planet all with different thoughts and feelings, so what seems sensible to you may not be to them. It is about learning how to work with different people but remain yourself, which means adapting and not changing who you are but how you approach certain things that will help you grow in life.

Have courage – Like don’t be scared, be courageous in life. Big yourself up and know your worth. Instill the confidence you need to look at these obstacles as being something you can easily deal with, even if you don’t know how to yet. But always be courageous along the way.

Overcoming Adversity In Common Scenario’s

At work – This can be overcome by asking for help. Whatever obstacles are in your way there will always be someone that is willing to help you overcome it. Just be kind and polite and thank them for helping you out and even buy them a little gift as a present. You are never on your own dealing with adversity you just have to reach out to the right people to give you a lift over that obstacle. Don’t feel shy or stupid asking either, you have to overcome that if you really want to succeed in life.

Current events – We are all living through a global pandemic at the moment and everyone seems to be struggling with the lockdown. People have been confined to their houses, the kids have been off school, friends and family have died and the World has been shaken by this deadly virus. I have lost my job myself and there are over 400 applicants for every job you apply for. So you cannot let the situation get you down, if you go down it is ten times harder to get yourself back out of that hole again. You need to stay positive and believe in yourself and climb any obstacles that get in your way.

Guest Speaking / Presenting – Everyone hates presenting right? That is because you are not used to doing it and having a large audience to talk to is nerve racking. Have you noticed in schools now they make the kids get up on stage at early parts of their schooling. This is so that they grow up and get used to having an audience. So practice here is the thing to do also the following – Preparation and knowing your subject is key, look at the audiences foreheads instead of their eyes if you are nervous, talk deep breaths, talk slowly and if you feel any anxiety rising then just know that you are doing a great job. If it is a really important event it might be that you even need a speaking coach to help you overcome the obstacles with this one.

In relationships – This again is a hard one as you really need to be able to learn to communicate with each other in a good way. In a relationship you are never going to be right all the time and you will also have to compensate sometimes for what the other person wants. I failed in my first two marriages and not because I couldn’t talk but my wives felt like I couldn’t listen. This is a big lesson and obstacle I have had to overcome, but life is about getting to know yourself and improve yourself at every opportunity. We aren’t taught how to have a great relationship or bring up kids, so we never really know whether we will suck at it or not. Timing is everything and not tit for tatting in conversations, you should support each other, value each other, big each other up and know that sometimes you can both be knobs at certain times. That is fine, have a massive hug and forgive each other and remember why you were together in the first place. But do everything you can to make peace or have a common agreed understanding moving forward.

Frequently Asked Questions On Overcoming Adversity

What is overcoming adversity? It means to overcome obstacles that you come across in life. To not let any bumps in the road stop you from getting to your ultimate destination in life. Acceptance of yourself and what you stand for and that you are worthy of achieving great things. We all have varied lives and react in different ways, what some people find hard, others find easy and vice versa. So it is a mindset of knowing that no matter what life throws at you, you can and will overcome all those obstacles.

Why is it important to overcome adversity? Because life will always throw things at us and if we cannot learn to overcome these obstacles. We will simply give up and not live a fulfilled life. If we give up we will never know our true worth in life. We could look back on life with regrets and wish that we had the courage to overcome this. Life is what you make it and you have to make yours one that you can be proud of and that is why it is important to overcome these bumps in the road.

How can adversity change people? When you realize your own worth and that you are capable of anything. You have a power inside that allows you to know that you can face anything in life and overcome it. You are now empowered to look at life with a positive viewpoint and know that either through success or failure you are still a winner for trying in the first place. When you can truly do this you will be 100% more confident than 80% of the population. Unfortunately most people will give up at the first hurdle and throw in the towel. It takes just that little bit more to truly believe you can do it and when you do it, that new found confidence will have you jumping up and down. You just need to challenge yourself more to get used to the sensations of fear, rejection and failure. Once you are used to them you can control those emotions for your own good.

Is adversity necessary for personal growth – Yes absolutely along with all the other points I mention above. To grow as a person means understanding what you are capable off and overcoming adversity and obstacles is a massive part of that. The more you do in life there is an increased risk of adversity and failure slapping you in the face. The first time it happens it hurts, the second it stings, the third you are ready to slap it back. So yes a really important part of life is to grow by overcoming adversity.

What personal traits does adversity test? – Adversity will test the following traits below but you will probably find more along your pathway.

Your confidence

Your ability to keep going

Your positive attitude

Your mental capacity for pain

Your ability to bounce back

Your patience

Your outlook on life

Your beliefs

So there you have it that is everything I blobbed down on overcoming adversity and if you read this far you deserve a medal 🙂 I haven’t got any virtual one’s unfortunately but what I do have is a free pass to my change your life transformation program at https://changeyourlifeforever.co.uk

I put the program together to help others realize the particular traits you need in life to deal with adversity among other things as being kind, how to do better at your job and what I have done to build my life up every time I have been kicked to the ground.

Do come and join me and I will help you change your life for the better too. In the meantime I wish you a very healthy and successful life. Best wishes Scott

Overcoming Adversity And Smashing Life In The Face published first on https://changeurlifeforever.blogspot.com/

#personal development #positivity #self help #confidence #law of attraction

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christinegphillips · 4 years

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Be The Best You Can Be And Do It Now

Be the best you can be. Why? Because you can do this and you can be great and you can be awesome and if you don’t then you will look back on life and wish that you had lived a more fulfilled lifestyle. You may be thinking that life is really hard and you can’t be the best you, but we are going to change that with my tips below on being the best you that you can possibly be.

You see most of us are brought up with the same education and live in our own little pockets. When you get out there in life however and you realize how much can be taken if you are willing to put in the effort that is that it will inspire you to be the best you can be. Rather than sitting on the sidelines and not following your dreams you will learn to take action and live the best life you possibly can.

After all we all want things in life, we all have hopes and dreams and the only thing stopping us is ourselves and our doubting nature that stops us from being the best we can be. When you learn to overcome these feelings and stop any overthinking as part of the process and take a proactive view of life. Then you will automatically see life for what it is.

Be the best you can be – Photo by Thought Catalog from Pexels

But how do you do it? How do you grab life by the balls and go damn it, this is what I want and I am going to do anything that I can to get it? How do you find that meaning in your life that drives you to want and get these things? Check out the tips below to find out more

My Top Tips On Being The Best You Can Be

Work out what you want – What does your dream life look like. What gets you excited, what makes you happy, what do you really desire to have in your life. This is an important aspect because when you know specifically what you want in life then you are way above the rest of the people out there just dreaming and going to work everyday but never achieving anything. When you clearly know what you want then move onto the next stage.

Start a plan – Write all the things down that you want in life and when you would like to achieve them by. It doesn’t matter when the overthinking comes in and says nah I will never be able to do it , I can’t achieve that. Just get it down on paper so you can look at it and reinforce what it is that you want in life.

Close your eyes – The one big thing successful people have is the ability to see themselves with their desires. That means using something like manifestation to have a clear view of what you want in your mind. That means if you want to live in a mansion with 8 bedrooms when you close your eyes you should be able to see yourself in there, feel what it is like, how happy you will feel and what value it has added to your life. This will train your subconscious mind to feel good about what you want and then by practicing being the best you can be, you can move onto the next stage.

Get to work – Now you have to start working out what you need to do to get what you want. It may seem like a massive mountain to climb but this is just the starting point. There is no rush for this as the universe will show you the way if you stay focused on what you want. You have to put in action here however to get there though. It might mean changing your job, your location, your skills and if you know what you have to do then just make a start. You will ending up finding yourself on the way, so don’t worry too much if you have doubts here by the end of these tips you will have more belief in yourself.

Be prepared to fail – This is the biggest stumbling block for most people because failure induces panic and feelings that you are unworthy and these should be avoided. If you want to be the best you can be then you must be willing to accept all failure as a challenge. So although you want to go into situations to win, accept that sometimes things will not work out and adapt next time and make it better. You will learn how to become a better person inside of you by doing this too as you will go stronger. Whilst everyone else will pack it in due to the first failure, you will keep growing and climbing and eventually get to live the life of your dreams.

Stay consistent – Being consistent in your approach is another big thing that you will want to learn as some days, you will be fraught with negativity. You will think i can’t do this, this is too much. But stay on top of your thoughts here and remain positive and just push yourself through it. Consistency is key to absolutely everything in life until we build everything in to a routine and a good habit which can take a few months to do.

Confidence is key – A lot of people try to be someone else or do things that are outside of their comfort zone and this just puts you off rather than spurs you on. So do things that you know that you are good at to build your confidence in the first place, once you have that base of confidence then do the things you are not so sure about. If you do as above and accept failure as part of the journey to this will give you more confidence along the way. People love confidence in others and they will want to be your friend, colleague, partner, customer as a result of you bestowing your confidence in them.

Love yourself – Learning to love yourself is key to being the best you can be. This means knowing who you are, what your values are, what type of person you are, what you are capable off. Being kind to yourself along the way and pushing yourself to achieve great things. When you can be critical of yourself and look to change and improve your life then this makes you massively powerful in your own life and others.

Stop any excuses – This is the biggest thing I see. If you want to be the best, then you have to put the effort in. This means not questioning yourself about things and just getting on and doing it. How many of you have said, yeah I’ll do it in a minute, or I’ll do it when, or I’ll do it when I can? I bet most of you right. There is no time like the present and if you want to be successful in life and be the best then you have to stop those excuses in their tracks and stay motivated.

Never ever give up – This is your path, this is what you want, so don’t give up a long the way. All that wasted effort and you will just be looking for something else to take its place and this will ruin your confidence when you were halfway there in the first place. When you put in the effort consistently all you have to work out is the right way of doing things. When you find the right way of doing it, you will be awesome and you will be great.

Be patient – Patience is a pain in the bum right? Because we want things and we want them now, we don’t want to wait, why should we wait, we should have everything we want right now. Unfortunately things don’t happen like that and being the best at something will take time and practice so hang in there. Don’t be disappointed if you miss the timescales, just do something to cheer yourself up again and move forward as quickly as you can.

Don’t let others put you off – Everyone has their own opinion of things, but it doesn’t mean they are right. What this will do is make you question yourself and your ability by someone that probably doesn’t know what they are talking about. So talk to your audience wisely and if you really want to be the best you, choose people who can help you, guide you and add value to what you are doing. Someone that can really help boost your confidence and not rip it to shreds. Learning to stay calm in these situations when people poo poo on your idea is paramount as you don’t want their thoughts to get into your head.

Educate yourself and reach out – Being the best, means working smarter not necessarily harder and there is a distinction here. For someone to win the 100M, they can’t just simply learn to run faster, they must train particular muscles, learn balance, be motivated, see themselves winning, eat a healthy diet etc. So find out who the winners are in your particular area and then ask them questions and let them help you become the best you.

This is up to you – Life is what you make it and this is up to you. You have the power within you to set goals in your life get out there and achieve them, overcome obstacles along the way, become the best, be motivated, stay positive. It just takes tenacity, consistency and then recording your events along the way. So you can do this, start thinking about getting out there and doing it.

Don’t compare yourself to others – We can all look at other people and think darn it, I am nowhere near as good as them, how can they do that. But you know what they are probably looking at you saying exactly the same thing. If we all had the same talent then things would be more competitive right? So never question yourself against someone else, just do more of what your doing and believe that you can do this, that you will be great and that you do deserve to the best you can be.

Recording – Rewards – Recognition – There is absolutely no point in trying to be the best if you don’t know what the best looks like. As an example you want to be a bodybuilder, you look in the mirror everyday and you see some gains and think yeah I’m doing alright. You become demotivated though because you are not making the gains you thought you should be. So you start taking measurements and your biceps have increased 1inch, your chest 2inches. Only by measuring your achievements will you ever find success. Then you have to reward yourself and recognize yourself for these achievements, because there is no point doing anything unless it makes you fee like you have accomplished something.

Hold yourself accountable – Hold yourself fully accountable for everything you do and don’t look to blame others, tools or whatever. You either put in the effort or you don’t, learn to tell yourself off when you are slacking, learn to motivate yourself when you don’t want to, know yourself inside out and just say I fucxxd up and I could of done better. Blaming others is not the way to go if you want to be the best.

Enjoy it – This should be fun. Mapping out your goals, working hard, achieving them, getting the rewards and the recognition for it, feeling accomplished and proud of what you did. So enjoy every minute of it and when it gets tough know that this is worth it and own it and put a smile back on your face.

Be Kind – Embrace Others – If you really want to be the best, then you should be kind to others, embrace them and help them along the way too. Everyone can succeed in life and we can all help each other do this. On our own we can be great with others help we can be awesome. So always spread kindness, love and do everything you can in life to succeed.

Gratitude – Be thankful and grateful if you have go this far that you now have the tenacity and hopefully the motivation and drive to get out there and smash like. Live it like you want it to be, achieve the things you want, then look back and just think darn it I am grateful I found the power inside to do this.

Be the best you can be frequently asked questions

How do you be the best you you can be? This about having the tenacity, consistency and hardworking effort to put everything you can into life. To control of your own destiny, improve consistently, do better at every opportunity, stay positive, release negativity, self critique yourself, have pride in what you do, accept failure, keep trying and do whatever you can to live your best life.

What does it mean to be the best version of yourself? I see this as being someone that yourself and other people admire. They look at you and know that you put everything you can into life, you try, you are caring, empathic but ultimately you have a goal set to add value to your own and other people’s lives. Some people think it is to compete with others but it isn’t it is all about the value you bring to every situation that come across in life. To go to bed at night feeling content that you are a good honest person that is putting everything they can into life.

How can I make myself better everyday? Set yourself goals to achieve and then record your behavior. See what you can improve on both physically and mentally. What did you do right, what did you do wrong, what can you improve on, how can you do it. Have a winning attitude that sets you up for the day. Walk out the door smiling with a purpose in mind and always have something that you can achieve every single day of your life.

How can I become powerful? Not too sure I like this question. You become powerful in yourself when you help other people. There is no hierarchical meaning to this and you should not look to control other people. But being powerful in yourself means learning to know yourself, get better at what you do, improve at every opportunity and have confidence in yourself. Have you ever seen someone walk into a room and own it? Sure you have that is the power of confidence in yourself and being the best you can be.

How do you just be yourself? This takes time to learn but living vicariously as someone else or thought someone else is just not healthy. You should always surround yourself with people that love you for who you are and the value you bring to the relationship. You don’t need to impress other people just be yourself and others will naturally gravitate towards you. Acting for others will only allow you to live uncomfortably and then when you want to be yourself people will be shocked as to your behavior. So build your confidence in yourself knowing that you are a good person and attract the right people into your life as a result of that.

So there you have it that is everything I have to say for now on be the best you can be. If you need a little help to get you there then check out my change your life program at https://changeyourlifeforever.co.uk

I will be there in daily videos to help you be that better person and succeed in life too. So I hope you do check it out and I would love to see you there. In the meantime, enjoy life, keep smiling and stay happy. Best wishes your friend Scott

Be The Best You Can Be And Do It Now published first on https://changeurlifeforever.blogspot.com/

#personal development #positivity #self help #confidence #law of attraction

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christinegphillips · 4 years

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Why Is Life So Hard – You Have The Answer You Just Don’t Know It Yet

Why is life so hard? It is a combination of things that make us look at the World and think life is so hard and it is also an attitude that you can also understand easily. I have had so much crap in my life that I have often hated my life for lots of different reasons.

The art of life itself is learning how to love yourself and also letting go of the past and focusing on your future. Easy to say I know but in my experience after 3 marriages, 4 children, being made redundant 5 times, moving 15 times and struggling to get out of bed in the morning I found the secret to what a great life should look like.

So I am going to reveal the secrets that I use on a daily basis to stay positive in life and live your best life by giving you my hints and tips and some advice on how and when a hard life might impact you most. We are all also living through a global pandemic at the moment with corona virus and so many people are losing lives, friends and jobs that it is difficult to even feel sorry for yourself because everyone is struggling through life.

Why is life so hard – Photo by Renda Eko Riyadi from Pexels

My Top Tips On Why Life Is So Hard And How To Live A Great Life Instead Starting Today

Everyone is equal – I hear this a lot because people say why is life so easy for others and it is harder for me. That is because you only see what you see and whilst it might seem like someone has an easy life, you have not had to walk their path in life. If you had walked their path you will find that they too have the same shit that everyone else has thrown at them. It is just their ability to bounce back and follow their dreams that matters.

Everything you think is just a thought – All the things that go around in your head and all the overthinking you do are just thoughts. Most of the things we process around us are interpreted in different ways through our own thinking and education. We are trained to think in certain ways from how we are brought up and our expectations are wildly different from each other in life. Every time you go down the negative though pattern of my life is so hard and I hate it, that is what you will eventually train your mind to think. This makes it even harder to turn those thoughts on their head when something good happens. When you learn to stay positive however and think good thoughts then you generally see life in a different light and your mind is trained to think good things. So when bad things happen you can accept them more easily.

Controlling those thoughts – No thoughts can impact you unless you allow them to do so. You need to take control of these thoughts and act through fact and not fiction. For instance I guarantee you that every word you say is interpreted in a different way by different people. As everyone is individual with their own thought processes. So whilst you may think that they are having a great life and you are having a hard life. Unless you sit down and talk to that person and understand the differences between your lives you would never know the true answer. But we tend to make up our own minds just like judging a book by its cover. It is really important that the thoughts that you have are truthful and useful and can be used in a positive way in your life. You just have to stay consistent with it.

You are in control – Only you can completely change your life if you want to. Whether you think you have control or not, you do. You are the only person that can make yourself get out of bed in the morning, you are the only person that can make yourself smile, you are the only person that can upset yourself, you are the only person that can get a new job, you are the only person that can put effort into life and live your best life moving forward. You are in control and when you take control of your life then life will not be as hard as you think it is.

Bad shit happens to all of us – It is okay to feel sorry for yourself temporarily when bad things happen but if you want to live life in the dream then you have to move forward. At the moment I have lost my job and have 4 kids to feed and bills to pay. Do I feel sorry for myself no, I am improving my fitness, my cv, applying for jobs, practicing interview techniques and doing everything I can to make a better life when the dream job I want comes along. You have to become a better person inside when crap happens and not give into those intrusive thoughts that try and make you feel sorry for yourself. If you give into those thoughts like I said above you will spiral downwards and when you meet the devil on your way, you will wish you had thought about things differently. While you still have to arms and two legs you have every opportunity to change your life for the better moving forward.

You have the power to do this – When you dig deep down inside yourself you have the ability and the power to do anything you want to in life. It is only because you are holding yourself back and thinking that life is so hard that is stopping you from moving forward. It is those awful thoughts that try and convince you all the time that life is hard and you cannot do anything about it. We all all need to learn how to cheer ourselves up and find happiness again. Sounds I know and it takes time to get a mindset of success but you can do this, you just have to put your mind to it.

Practice kindness – My step daughter had been treated badly by her father when I met my new wide. She would sit in the corner of the room with her hood up and not talk to anyone. After a serious operation when she was young it left her with a birth mark on her face and she thought life was hard. She thought everyone was mean and everyone was unkind. Since knowing me my wife and i have taught her that life is not like that, surrounding yourself with good people who are kind, add value to your life, treat you properly will change your attitude towards life itself. Now she is beautiful, funny, amazing and loves life. So never ever give up just learn how to be nice to others and they will be nice to you too and offer you guidance and help through life.

This is just temporary – We all go through life thinking this is just too hard. Sometimes pushing us to the limits where we think what is the point of life itself. I have been to those deepest darkest of places and I can tell you that there is light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to change your perspective on life by taking control of your life and living for yourself in mind. When you consistently keep moving forward then the law of averages says that good things will eventually happen. When you give up however the law of averages goes down and you have very little chance of pulling it back. In an analogy, it is a bit like wanting to win the lottery without ever buying a ticket and hating life because you never won.

Work hard – If you set yourself goals in life and have a plan on how to achieve them then you will have a massive chance of living the life of your dreams. This is measurable and actionable and will give you the reward and recognition you need to evaluate whether life really is hard or whether you are just not trying hard enough to overcome the obstacles that get in your way. As above bad shit happens to us all, but when you challenge yourself in life to do more you accept that obstacles are going to come but you actively train your mind to leap over them when they arrive. This takes hard work and practice but you can do it.

Don’t listen to other people – The biggest issue I see with people is they worry about what others will think off them. They worry about being criticized, picked on, not being popular, being hated. Listen life is hard when you listen to others because they can be cruel. As above with my stepdaughter people are horrible sometimes and you need to be kind to yourself instead. For every person that is unkind there are plenty more that will offer you the kindness and support you need in your life and if you are putting in the effort they will help you every step of the way. So move away from unkind people and do not listen to their cruel words either. No one should ever make you feel devalued in life and if they do then get rid of them as quickly as you possibly can.

Have fun – I don’t care what anyone says life is what you make of it. You put in the effort and take control of your life and you will be rewarded for it. I haven’t told you half of what my life was like but I guarantee you in the dark days you always head towards the dark. When you make life what you want it to be and never give up on living your dreams, the responsibility and rewards that gives you makes you want to wake up in the morning with a smile on your face. Yes sometimes life can be really hard but you overlook those times and push them to one side and get on with your life again as quickly as possible.

Why Is Life So Hard In Common Scenarios

As a teenager – Life is pretty crappy as a teenager and for no other reason than hormones, wanting to be liked, crappy school work, boredom, parents that don’t understand you and lots of other reasons too. This is a stage in your life where you will find it hard, you might live vicariously through others as role models, you might have no friends at all. The only advice I can give you here is this. My son was massively overweight due to my ex over feeding him at the time. He lost all interest in life and just was not happy. He came to stay with me and I taught him the importance of fitness, taking care of himself and within a few months he lost all of the weight. Due to his fitness he joined the basketball team and rugby team and is now one of the most popular children at his school and love by everyone. He thought life was hard and rightly so because he was picked on and treated badly because kids can be cruel. But he also wanted to change and he is a kind and considerate boy has been taught that empathy for others is important. But he tried and he courageously overcame every obstacle to now live a great life. So get out there and socialize, join clubs and get into sports. You will meet lots of new friends and your life as a teenager will become more fun as a result of this.

After graduation or college – This is a massive change in your life as you have been studying for years and years and now have to get a job. Learn how to pay the bills and stand on your own two feet. This is the time where now you have to apply what you have learned into the workplace. So get a great cv done and approach companies on linkedin and others and offer to do some placement work whilst you are looking for that great job. Socialize with people in the community that you want to work in and network. If you want to be successful in life then this will stand you in great stead. Networking is one of the great assets that anyone can have if they want to do well in the future.

Hard and confusing generally – Because we have to make difficult decisions in life and let go of the past. We have to take life with a pinch of salt and accept what it throws at us because we never know what it has in store for us. We know that everything happens for a reason and we have to accept this with the view of knowing that somewhere something positive will come out of it. This is hard when you cannot see the wood through the trees, but generally when you look back on bad events there is a reason for it happening in the first place.

In relationships – If you have broken up with someone then you need to learn how to get over them and quickly. If you let them keep you in the past then you will never move forward in life. Being in relationships means that you have think about the other person as well as yourself. You cannot be completely selfish and you should have each others backs every step of the way. Yes life will be hard when you disagree on things but you have to find a way to agree to disagree and move forward together. True love will teach you this and if you are arguing consistently with someone and they don’t add value to your life and make it harder, then let them go, only if you have done everything to save your relationship in the first instance of course.

Why Is Life So Hard Frequently Asked Questions

Is life supposed to be hard? For some people it can be yes and for others even though I said differently above they do have an easier life. I often look at friends and see they’ve been happily married forever, got great kids, still got their parents, doing well in life and happy. Even though it seems like they are better off than me, they actually aren’t because as a person I have learnt things in life that no one should have to feel and that is why I believe in kindness, giving love, being empathic because I have stood in most people’s shoes. I am not jealous at all, I am happy that they have not had to go through the pain that I have. But on the other hand I am proud of going through that pain because it has made me the person I am today too.

Why do I suck at life? Sometimes we feel as if we have caused the problem but we haven’t. Life is about learning to live with others and learning how to act and behave in front of other people. This does not mean changing who we are, but it means learning to communicate in different circle in order to get the best outcome in life. So you don’t suck you just need to believe that you can do anything in life, build your confidence and get out there and prove to everyone that you are you and you are capable of achieving great things in life.

How do I stay positive? Staying positive is hard and it takes work. The best way to do this is by having rewards and recognition for what you do. Whether this is playing as part of a team or having goals in life that you can achieve. Looking at accomplishing these things will make you feel positive that you can achieve what you want in life and will allow you go out there and do more of that.

How do you handle difficult situations in life? You assess the situations with a clear mind and empathic approach as everyone has their own stories and wants their own outcome. All you can do is be the better person and know that whether this is a hard decision or not that everything does happen for a reason. So take your time with the decisions that you make and stand by them and don’t live with regrets. If you make a mistake, then apologize but keeping moving forward. We all make mistakes in life it is just learning not to do the same thing twice that is important.

What makes a life worth living? Everyone has their own value in life, it doesn’t matter who they are, what religion, what color, what they like dislike. Everyone has their place for good or bad reasons. In your own life you want to look back with contentment that you have done everything you can to have the greatest life possible. You can achieve anything you want to if you learn not hold yourself back and go out there and get what you want. So find your meaning in life and get out there and do it.

To me life can be hard yes but by also giving love to others, finding fun in simple things, seeing the beauty around you, being kind and trying hard in life makes more sense than curling up in a ball and hating life and everything around you. I understand how hard it is though which is why I put my change your life transformation program together to help you can find here https://changeyourlifeforever.co.uk

Not only will you find out about why life is so hard but I will help you see life in a different way and help you live a happy and fulfilled lifestyle moving forward too. I hope to see you in there and in the meantime have a great life best wishes your friend Scott

Why Is Life So Hard – You Have The Answer You Just Don’t Know It Yet published first on https://changeurlifeforever.blogspot.com/

#personal development #positivity #self help #confidence #law of attraction

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christinegphillips · 4 years

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How To Love Yourself And Find Your Purpose In Life

How to love yourself is the topic of the day and in this post we are going to teach you how to love yourself more and hopefully find your purpose in life along the way too. It really is a process and combination of finding yourself and becoming a better person by accepting who you are and what value you add to this World.

It will hopefully change your life completely and you will look at things in a different way than you do today. You see life is hard right and learning to love yourself first and foremost should be a priority along the way.

When you learn to live life for yourself first, then everything else will start to make sense. What you will do is start to change the way you think about things and how you change your thoughts towards everything too and if you are living vicariously through others, then I will help you get over this too.

How to love yourself – Photo by Adam Jang on Unsplash

I learnt how to love myself a long time ago because I realized that no one was going to do it for me. At the time I had no qualifications and a lifestyle that just seemed to be slipping away from me and all I felt like was a failure. No one believed I was capable of great things and all I wanted to do was prove them wrong and I did.

I don’t want that for you because it is a terrible feeling and I just want you to love yourself more and see the greatness that you can achieve and help you get there too. So rather than delve too much on my past I am going to tackle this in 3 ways. 1 – is to help you with my background on what I did to raise my self esteem and love myself more 2 – Common scenario’s where you might need to learn to love yourself 3 – Frequently asked questions about loving yourself more too. So let’s jump in

My Top Tips On How To Love Yourself

Stop comparing yourself to others – This is not about anyone else and no one compares to you. Yes you might want to look at other people and admire their qualities, looks, style etc but you need to be yourself and bring out the best in you. There is someone out there for everyone and when you meet them be it partners, friends etc they will love you for being you.

Kindness – Kindness really does matter but first and foremost you have to be kind to yourself first. That means not self criticizing yourself in a negative way but learning to accept who you are and play to your talents and not the things that you are unhappy with. We all have days where we look in the mirror and think darn it I feel like crap, i am useless, I hate myself but you really do need to push these thoughts away and do something to cheer yourself up instead. It sounds easy but if we start the day feeling down about ourselves you will carry this with you for the day too.

Acceptance – Accept who you are and try and find your true meaning in life. You are you and when you find your talent and value to the World, you will learn how to love yourself naturally. All of us want love in our lives and this starts with living a fulfilled lifestyle yourself too. What I mean by that is giving everything you can to life, trying your hardest, giving love, staying positive and fulfilling your dreams in life.

Just be you – If you are trying to be someone else then you won’t find the happiness you are looking for and loving yourself will just become harder. Yes we want to fit in at times, but there really are people that want you for you and you don’t have to become someone else to impress them either. Enjoy being you, be proud of who you are, take joy in knowing that you are a nice person and that you do everything you can to help others.

Don’t listen to other people’s opinions – People can be really cruel unfortunately and will quite often put you down or say that you are not worthy of things in life. They can do this for lots of different reasons, through jealousy, unkindess, ulterior motives or whatever. So do not listen to anyone that puts you down in anyway. No one should have the power to make you feel bad about yourself. Rid yourself of these type of people for the rest of your life, or speak to them and tell them how much they have hurt you. If they don’t apologize and change their behavior then they should not be in your life anyway.

Your thoughts – This is the biggest thing I can ever say to anyone, you control your own mind and your thoughts. No one owns it but you. People can say things, do things but only you can stop those thoughts from spiraling out of control. You are the one that will let those thoughts run wild and cause you to overthink situations that probably aren’t real. When you tell yourself over and over that you hate something you will believe it. When you tell yourself something over and over that you like something then you will. So training your mind to be king to yourself and your situation will allow you to push those thoughts from your mind.

Enjoy life – We are all meant to live the best life we can. At times this might be impossible because we go through situations that bring us down and then we can also blame ourselves for this and the position we are in. So we have to get back on that horse and strive to make things better, sitting back and letting problems will only make things worse. Having a plan on living life to the best of our ability however will make us feel good about ourselves and give us a pathway to success.

Be proud of yourself – One of the biggest things in life is having reward and recognition for things. If we feel that we are accomplishing things in life then loving ourselves also comes naturally with that. When we get a pat on the back and feel valued for the things we do, then you have self respect for yourself and that leads to enhanced feeling of self esteem. Sometimes you have to reward yourself for doing a great job though as other people might not recognize our efforts. That is why it is good to have personal goals to achieve so that you can measure them and then reward yourself for the effort too.

Gratitude – You hear this a lot right. Be grateful and thankful for what you have. This is easier said than done sometimes when you are feeling down in life but when we dig deep we can be grateful. I know where I fall down in life sometimes, but then I also look to encourage myself and become a better person with everything that I do. I hold myself accountable for every word and action that comes out of my mouth. But I am very grateful for what I have and yes I want more in life who doesn’t. Sometimes we just have to be happy with what have but strive to do more.

You can do anything you want to – I don’t care what anyone says you can do this. You can look in the mirror and see the beauty inside of you, you can love and receive love, you can have anything you want, you can achieve anything you want, you can make yourself happy again, you can learn to make a better life for yourself. This is all in your control, yes it may be hard, yes it may take time, yes it may include change, yes you will fail along the way. But see life as an adventure, live it freely and how you want to and without letting other people bring you down along the way. You are an amazing person and you do add value to this World and when someone tells you otherwise just say to yourself, I love myself and I am happy with who I am so if you think that way fair enough. Smile and wave and move on knowing that you have done your personal best and don’t question yourself over it again.

Smile – Smiling is the greatest emotion you can have and surrounding yourself with people and things that make you smile is the best thing ever. We can all walk around with our heads to the floor at times feeling peed off with life and what we stand for. Being around the right people however will always lift our spirits and you will attract people to you with a big smile on your face. Talk to strangers and shopkeepers and whoever you come across and built friendships. Friendships will make you feel valued in life and will also make you aware of the value you add to others lives too.

Common Scenarios Where You Will Want To Love Yourself More

After a breakup – This is a horrible time and you will be feeling lots of different emotions but you have to get over them as quickly as possible. The thing here is not blame yourself or them but accept that it is over and that things will get better. Life really is what you make it in most cases and if you move on quickly then you will soon forget the pain that was caused. I have been married 3 times now and finally I met the absolute love of my life and we understand what having a true relationship means. I see the previous marriages as training along the way so I can understand how to love my new wife properly and in the right way. I look back at my ex’s in a positive way that they helped me become a better person and I learned my lessons on being a great husband along the way. Yes it was painful at first but if you stay positive, get yourself out there and be yourself you find that person that will have your back for life and you will never look back.

After divorce – This is as above apart from you will have to have strength on this one and become the better person. Don’t get sucked into fighting, blaming and hating the other person. This will add a massive amount of negativity that neither of you will want. If you have children then they should come first always and never talk about your partner in front of them. I have 3 kids to 2 separate wives and although I don’t support the way they bring my kids up it is not my business to interfere. You have to separate on the thought that this was not working and that you will both be better of a result of this in the future. You will go through the stages of grief, too much overthinking and everything else that gets thrown at you. But learn to stand on your own two feet and lover yourself, enjoy this time to get to know yourself better without being held back. Get yourself out there and keep yourself busy doing the things you have always wanted to do. If you feel as if that person was to blame sometimes we also need to accept some responsibility for the issue ourselves and never make the same mistake twice. Just don’t let the bitterness take over your life, move on, move upwards and live your best life.

After gaining weight – This happens to us all. I put on 5 stone at one stage through stress and working away. It was one of the reasons my ex left me. But I now train 3 times a day which is great for mental health but also to keep the weight down. The important thing here is to not be hard on yourself but also set yourself a target to lose the weight and stay motivated to get there. Don’t try fad diets and stuff it is a simple process. Calories in vs calories out. Just because you are overweight does not mean that you don’t look great either. We tend to beat ourselves up about this stuff but if you haven’t got the motivation to do something about it, then don’t send any mental time beating yourself up about it either.

After narcissistic abuse – I suffered from this previously and had to take a deep look inside myself on whether this abuse was real. Then I realized it wasn’t and it wasn’t my fault either. Then I decided that this was just one person out of billions on the planet and I wasn’t going to let this behavior swade my judgement of others either. If someone does not support you in life, doesn’t add value, doesn’t have your back and puts you down in anyway. Get rid of them as quickly as you can as they will not change because they cannot see it for themselves. When someone cannot see what they are doing wrong they are unable to change it. So remove them quickly and move on as quickly as you can too and leave the scars behind you because that was their issue and not yours.

Not caring what others think – I mentioned this above too. Now if you have no manners and are unkind to others then you should listen. You should also listen when someone is trying to help you improve yourself. When you shouldn’t listen is when someone like above is being narcissistic or intentionally putting you down or not supporting for you for any reason. When you love yourself and are proud of who you are you will see these things yourself as you will have trained yourself to be a genuine, kind and loving person who can adapt to any situation that life throws at you.

Even if you’re ugly – This is a horrible one because no one is ugly and people are cruel and there is no need to be cruel to yourself. My daughter has a large birthmark on her face and people have been really cruel to her and she is lucky to be alive. We have taught her empathy and self love and bring out her happiness in her personality. She is an amazing girl and you don’t even see her scar when you see the beauty that she really has. There is someone out there for everyone and it is about your smile, the twinkle in your eye, the confidence in your walk. So don’t be hard on yourself here just ignore the idiots that make you feel that way and after all most of us are not blessed with beauty social media just makes people look that way.

If you’re fat – Again this is a hard one but you can take control of this. No it isn’t going to be easy but you will find yourself trapped in a one way circle. You feel bad about being overweight so you eat and it is hard to get the motivation to get rid of it. My son was extremely overweight and my ex ridiculed him at times and was both narcissistic and cruel. I taught him to love himself but also the value of sports, fitness and how it would improve his mental health and overall well being. I trained with him and supported him and now he is skinny as a rake and has loads of girls chasing after him. Please if you feel this way about yourself, then do something to change it and start to live the best life that you deserve.

First before loving others – Loving yourself means having confidence in yourself but it is not a prerequisite prior to loving other people. You will all grow together and a partner especially should be the person that adds massive value to your life, will help you shape yours, will make you the best person that you can be. So you will change and grow together over time, but absolutely love yourself too, just don’t put off giving it to others first and foremost as you might find it helps you love yourself more too.

Frequently asked questions about loving yourself

How do you learn to love yourself? By feeling valued in life and not listening to other people. You guide yourself through life knowing that you have a pathway to follow and that you will help others along the way. When you are kind to yourself and use your own talents in life to strive towards something. You will feel valued and this will allow you to see the positives you add to life. Think positively about yourself, don’t take rejection personally as this will always happen in life. Just go out there be yourself and knock the world dead with your tenacity and love for life itself.

What does it mean to live yourself? By accepting who you are and learning to use your talents for the best value it gives to the World. You may not know what that value is but by being and acting yourself you will naturally attract the things that you need in your life by just being you. People are cruel sometimes and especially children as they don’t know better. So it is being comfortable in your skin, not taking criticism and rejection to heart, not being too self critical but confident in yourself and your own abilities. To look after and care for yourself at all costs and everything else around you will start to make sense.

How do I stop being so insecure? Insecurity can be a nightmare and is probably due to not having the recognition and reward through confidence in yourself and other situations. This is where you have to take control of your thoughts and stop any overthinking as part of that process. When you look at life in a logical manner, we are insecure about things, we all have doubts and fears, worries that won’t go away. So the way I deal with this is by probability, what is the likely hood of this happening in the first place? Then go through a process of deduction and when you realize you are causing yourself this damage you can replace those thoughts with more positive thoughts anyway. Our minds have a way of protecting us sometimes that does make us insecure. When you look at life and accept that everything can happen for a reason, you accept the shit that comes along and learn to get over it and move forward instead. This isn’t easy but when you take control of your life and don’t become dependent on others, you can improve yourself at every opportunity and if you get let down, then you know it wasn’t through anything that you did. So build your confidence in yourself and believe in you.

How can I practice self love – The way that I do this is by setting goals for myself and things that I want to achieve in life. By following a plan in life I get both rewarded and recognized for the things I do. I also keep extremely fit to keep my mind focused and keep the negative thoughts away. I love myself because I try hard, love others, I am empathic and I do everything I can to be the best that I can be. Which means trying to consistently get better at things, supporting and helping others, being patient and generally knowing I am doing everything I can to make my life the best life ever. This is something you can follow too by doing things that you love and getting rewarded for it, help others and give love and kindness and you will feel you are adding value to other people’s lives as well.

What do I do if I don’t love myself – Be patient and kind to yourself. We all change as we go through stages in life and hopefully this will be a temporary feeling. The important thing is not to blame yourself or others for the situation. But reestablish who you are and what you want in life independently of anyone else. Learn more about yourself and what makes you smile, recognize when you are happy, when you feel valued, when you feel good and do more of those things. There really is the only one of you so learn to love yourself as quickly as you possibly can.

Right that is it, everything I know on how to love yourself. My fingers are hurting me and I hope you took the time to read everything. But please do not sit on the sideline and waste your life away, get out there and make the most of it, believe in yourself and give yourself the best possible life you can otherwise you will regret it.

If you want help along the way then join me on my transformation program https://changeyourlifeforever.co.uk where I will help you live the life of your dreams every step of the way.

Wishing you all the very best in your future Scott

How To Love Yourself And Find Your Purpose In Life published first on https://changeurlifeforever.blogspot.com/

#personal development #positivity #self help #confidence #law of attraction

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christinegphillips · 4 years

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How To Get Over Someone Quickly And Live A Better Life

Learning how to get over someone can be a pretty hard task. Especially when those thoughts are going around and around in your head. You’re looking for answers that you cannot find out, everything we do just makes things worse and all we want to do is curl up in a ball and hate our lives.

I have been there and now being on my 3rd marriage I have learned a lot of lessons along the way in life. My first wife was my teenage sweetheart and we got married and had our kids and then all she wanted to do was drink and go our with her friends. My second wife wanted our daughter and then wanted to live her life as a single person and have the pleasure of being paid maintenance to do it.

How to get over someone – Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

I’m not going to go into the gory details of what happened as we need to concentrate on you and how you are going to get over someone instead. So this post will concentrate on a few things with the main thing being finding yourself again, how to get over someone in different scenario’s and getting over someone frequently asked questions. By the time you finish reading you will hopefully be able to start letting go of the past and having a thriving future ahead of you and start living the dream instead.

My Top Tips On How To Get Over Someone Quickly

Acceptance – In order to live your best life moving forward you have to accept that the relationship is now over. That is if you know that there is no chance of making back up again. In my experience once someone has made their choice to move on they will not come back unless they find out the grass isn’t greener on the other side. Then they might want to come and slide back into your life and live vicariously until they find something better again. When you accept that this is the situation you will be able to move forward in life.

Blame – It is really hard because you feel rejected and you want answers. You might blame them for leaving you no matter what the reason behind it is. When we take responsibility for our own actions however we are able to think more clearly. For instance when my second wife left, it was out of blue, never had an argument, she didn’t want to talk about it, she said she hadn’t met anyone else and just wanted the relationship over with. At first I hated her for what she had done to me and blamed her for taking my daughter away. Then I realized I wasn’t happy anyway and when the acceptance of the situation kicked in. You know what she was right, it was never going to work so why drag out a relationship that is not right in the first place. So you have to become the better person here and admit that you did things wrong too and learn from them in the future. You can then take this into the future with you and make sure that your next relationship is bigger and better and that you learn by your mistakes in life.

Thinking too much – Your mind will be running at a million miles an hour questioning itself over and over and over about things. This type of overthinking is not good for the soul. You need to reassure yourself that you are worthy and believe in yourself and start to look forward to following your dreams and living a better life in the future without them. We will talk more about clearing your mind shortly.

They aren’t worthy – If someone doesn’t want you in their life and they cannot realize that empathy is important in a relationship, then they shouldn’t be in your life anyway. A true relationship will have its ups and downs and that is just expected in life. We all disagree and we all see things differently so we cannot expect to be right all the time. A great relationship however will overcome this because you will have empathy for the other person and all you will want to do is make things better. If you cannot communicate in a relationship and say your true feelings then it isn’t worth while pursuing. If someone does not add true value to your life then they have no place in your heart either.

Better yourself – Looking at cheering yourself up and thinking about all the things they didn’t like about you. My second wife said she didn’t fancy me anymore because I had put on a little bit of weight with working away and eating out as you do. So I lost 5 stone and train 3 times a day and I look pretty great too. Does it make her want me back? Absolutely not but I feel a million times better that I will never have to be put in that situation ever again. I also changed my job, moved house and areas so that I could start again a fresh. With a new outlook on life you leave them behind you and make sure you become the greatest you can be without them in your life. This gives you a great feeling and allows you to live for yourself in life rather than with them in mind.

Move on as quickly as possible – If that person doesn’t want you then it is highly likely that they have been holding you back anyway. I used manifestation and the laws of attraction to visualize what I wanted in life and not what I didn’t want. So rather than thinking about them all the time and feeling down and what could I do. I wrote down exactly what I wanted in someone else instead. Then I spent 30 minutes a day closing my eyes and seeing what life would be like with this new lady in my life, what they would sound like, look like, what their nature would be. Then I joined a dating site and despite meeting a few nutters along the way, I found my 3rd wife. The funny thing about the law of attraction however is that I asked for someone like Wonder Women (don’t even go there 🙂 when this new lady turned up she had a wonder women key ring on her car keys and that was the sign I needed. I am now married to the women I should have married in the first place and we both put everything into our relationship and live a great life.

Build up your confidence again – Moving on quickly comes with it’s own downfalls sometimes because you might worry about dating other people, sleeping with them, kissing them etc. Your confidence might have taken a knock from what your ex had said to you. Do not let this get in the way of finding the person of your dreams though. Build up your confidence by seeing lots of different people and get to know yourself again outside of the relationship. It doesn’t matter if you make an idiot of yourself along the way this is a new learning curve and you will be bound to make some mistakes along the way.

Say goodbye – One of the things I did to finally get over my ex was to set fire to the wedding pictures and watch them burn away and said to myself that life is behind me now. It was a really liberating feeling because I let go of the past and was able to move in successfully and just enjoy life and leave them behind. So I was both grateful and thankful for my life so far but very excited about my new future too.

Don’t be scared – You are going to be scared at times about what the future holds for you. Especially if you have been living with someone for a long time too. It will feel weird and you will wonder how you will cope. Just stay motivated with this and plan your future, learn to stand on your two feet and learn to trust others again too. Don’t become a victim as they will have won, plan your future without them and make it great.

Wipe the smile of their face – One of the biggest things that made me feel better and my new wife about getting over our ex’s was to wipe the smile of their faces. By being nice to them still but living our best lives, it made us independent of their feelings. A lot of people will still try and control you and if they still have that over you then it will be harder to get over them. So break every single tie you have with them and come out fighting and show them that you are worthy in life, that you can survive without them, that you can have a great life. Learn how to be happy again without them in your life.

Believe you can do this – Yes you can do it, you absolutely can. Know that this person adds no value to your life, know that you can do better in life without them, know that you are going to find the right person, unattach yourself from them and their feelings.

Take control – This is your life and you deserve to have the best life you possibly can do, no matter who is in it. You control your own thoughts, your own destiny and you can do anything you want to do. Use the law of attraction like I suggested above and put all your efforts into looking at your dream life moving forward. They are unworthy of your thoughts and if you want to learn how to get over someone then you have to concentrate on yourself moving forward. Negative thoughts towards them will only hinder your progress to move away. So put a plan together on what your dream life should look like and absorb yourself into it. Avoid conversations with friends about the relationship unless you want to talk about it. Look at the positives you got out of the relationship and learn from the mistakes. But do not get caught up in being miserable by that person not being in your life because everything in life happens for a reason and there will be something bigger and better on the horizon if you pull yourself together and go looking for it.

How To Get Over Someone In Different Scenario’s

After years of being together – This is hard because you will feel an enormous amount of attachment towards each other and you might have had to lean on each other to get by. This goes back to acceptance sometimes I was with both my ex’s for at least 10 years but I could always look after myself. I can cook, clean and always contributed to the house hold chores and brought up the kids. So when leaving them I didn’t feel a gaping hole in that department in fact it was quite nice to just look after myself and not have anyone to answer too for a change. It allowed me to do more things that made me happy instead of doing things that made them happy instead. But the general rule here is acceptance again, if you have done everything you can to rescue the relationship and it hasn’t worked out. Then the quicker you move on the better, accept it, learn to better yourself and live a new life on your terms.

After being betrayed – Sorry in my book sleeping or seeing someone else when you are in a relationship is very quick termination. This equates too, blocking them, not talking to them and realizing that they have no values in life. When someone does not add value to my life I do not want them in it anyway. If you are going to commit yourself to someone then do it and don’t chase other people. So cut them off altogether on this, don’t feel bitter, don’t feel bad, just be glad that they are out of your life, because they will just destroy your future in the process of finding themselves. Even if they plead do not take them back in my book.

Staying friends – Lots of people want to stay friends and there is difference between being polite and talking to each other when you have to. Some people can stay friends and even see each other with new partners, this is probably not the norm though. I work with my ex’s for the kids and I am polite but there are times when this will interfere in your life and especially if you have a new partner as this will introduce jealousy. So even if you value them in your life for something else I would steer away from this to be honest in case it turns out badly later on in life.

Get over someone completely – My step daughter is amazing at doing this. If someone annoys her and she doesn’t like them, she just deletes them from existence. Now I am not expecting you to do this in order to get over someone but you will go through the 5 stages of grief denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance before things start to slow down. The important thing is building a new life as quickly as you can that is ten times better than the one before. By doing this you won’t think about the bad behind you, you will just learn to concentrate on the good in front of you instead.

Someone dislikes you – People tend to judge a book by its cover sometimes and not give people enough time to show their true selves. Don’t let others make you feel bad, some people will not like you that is a fact. Sometimes we just don’t gel with others, that doesn’t mean they are bad person or you are either. Half the time we spend more effort trying to convince others to like us than spending that time with the people that do. A weird thing but just move on and find people that love you for who you are and that want to spend time with you instead. You can also try talking to that person and communicating properly with them. This might mean they open up to you and you can become friends based on respect in the future too. You will need to learn this for work in the future anyway as you will have a clash with others in the work environment.

Someone ghosting you – Social media is a nightmare right. Everyone wants everyone to respond straight away and if you are left on read you want to ditch that person. You have to control these emotions but also have a busy life yourself full of goals and objectives that don’t require you to live vicariously through others needs. Chill out and give people time to respond to you, you never know what they are doing or going through at that given moment in time.

After someone has passed away – This is the worse situation you can be in and this will put you through some paces in life. You won’t want to better yourself and you won’t understand why this has happened either. The only thing that you can do is console and be kind to yourself. Life is hard sometimes but unfortunately it is brutal too. We can either spend the rest of our time in remorse and depression or we can try and move forward. You are going to need help with this from family and friends and even professionally. You have to remember that person for all the great things they brought into your life, commemorate them and never let them leave your heart. On the other hand you have to realize that they would not want sadness for you either and everyday you might have to try and force a smile on your face, but be patient and be kind and seek help when you need too.

Frequently asked questions on how to get over someone

How to get over someone you still love? If they don’t want you and you know there is no way of making this better or getting them back. You will only cause yourself pain by telling yourself that you still love them. Love is an emotion and can be found through lots of things in life. I know my new life loves me more than anything in the World and I love her too. But I wouldn’t have found her if I was still stuck in my previous life where I thought I was in love then too. You will find love again in the future but it will be bigger and better and you will look back on the past and think thank god I accepted to move on in the first place.

How do you get over someone fast? – Quick steps here – erase any thoughts you have about them, move onto other people as quickly as possible. Keep your mind focused on improving you and don’t let bad thoughts enter your mind. The quicker you move forward the quicker the past is left behind.

How do I stop thinking about someone? This is really hard because even when I met my 3rd wife I used to think about her all the time but in a positive way. By thinking about her it also took my mind off my previous relationship. It really is needed to occupy your mind with new good things and then over time you will find they automatically replace those thoughts about the other person on their own. The important thing is to find something that can occupy your thoughts instead with positive things. That doesn’t mean watching the tv, it means looking after yourself and making yourself a bigger and better person that someone else will be proud off and will want you forever.

How long does it take to get over a broken heart? Realistically it takes 2mths to form new habits and new behaviors, so I would say this was probably the minimum time after you have gone through the 5 stages of grief which you will do. The quicker you move on and look after yourself and realize that you have a great opportunity to live an even better life moving forward. Then the quicker you will get over it.

How do you let someone go emotionally? The fact is there will always seem to be some emotional attachment to them no matter what happens. But living your best life and moving forward with your life will allow you not to hate that person. If you carry hatred around for the rest of your life, you are damaging your own soul more than you are damaging yours. So invest time in becoming that better you and know that you are better off without them.

See there you have it those are my thoughts on how to get over someone. Every situation is different and that is why I put together my transformation program at https://changeyourlifeforever.co.uk and I filmed it just after my 2nd wife left me and it contains everything I did to rebuild my life moving forward.

Yes getting over someone is hard and you will need help along the way and you will need positive vibes and you will need to be kind to others. If you are struggling to make sense out of everything then join it today and I will help you along the way to getting back on your feet and getting over that someone today.

Wishing you all the very best in your future Scott.

How To Get Over Someone Quickly And Live A Better Life published first on https://changeurlifeforever.blogspot.com/

#personal development #positivity #self help #confidence #law of attraction

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