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Adulthood: Understanding that is now your turn.

Head canon for little Chiss

1: Chiss babies comparative to an adult sized (average 6'4") are very small, and labor is very short. A six-hour labor is considered long, four hours is about average.

2: A Chiss neonate can't regulate their body temperature and needs to put on thermogenic fat. They will nurse almost constantly for their first six months, usually in a sling that holds them close to their mother. Milk-packs are often employed when Mom needs a break.

3: Chiss babies are fat and almost round if they are healthy. The thermogenic fat is packed on during their first year of life. They look like a blueberry. They become more independent between the ages of two and three.

4: At about the age of three, Chiss toddlers develop 'meat teeth.' This makes regular teething look like a tea party. Teething toys and gum rubs are common. Teething centers are popular with parents who are at the end of their tethers.

5:The first premolars and cuspids are replaced by the meat teeth. The adult central and lateral incisors are also extremely sharp and the central incisors will have an almost chisel-like appearance.

6: Adult Chiss have scent glands on their neck and chest, not obvious to the eye. Chiss to about age five will snuffle these spots to be calmed and comforted.

7: About the age of five, little Chiss start learning to use the halves of their brain independently. It's considered a major milestone in child development. This is also the age at which Sky-walkers are taken from their families.

8: Chiss will never refuse to feed a child or a parent with children or an elder. It is considered dishonorable.

9: The Chiss birthrate is low, but they have stipends for each child, extensive parental leave, nutrition vouchers, and free childcare whether the child is from a Common, Lesser, Great, or Ruling family. A woman who has three children gets a stipend for life. A woman from the Lesser and Common families who has five children often is adopted into a higher ranked family as a ranking distant along with her family unit. Any more children and she gets medals and honor chains.

10: Though modern deaths in childbirth are low, a woman who dies as the result of childbirth is given the same funeral as someone of the highest rank. She will have a place of honor in the ossuary, an honor chain and medal, while her surviving family is given a pension.

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Good article in the WaPo about gaslighting basics and how to deal.

How to deal with the 3 levels of gaslighting

Many of us differ on what counts as gaslighting — the form of emotional abuse and manipulation in which one person attempts to bend the reality of another. In gaslighting, the target is left feeling confused or even insane, as exquisitely dramatized in the 1944 movie “Gaslight.”

Gaslighting was Merriam-Webster’s Word of the Year in 2022, with a 1,740 percent increase in the number of times it was searched. The term’s increased popularity has raised awareness of its effect on our relationships and has prompted confusion over what constitutes gaslighting.

Many disagreements come down to severity: Either someone’s behavior appears too abusive or not abusive enough to be gaslighting. As psychologists, we have heard versions of these different understandings of gaslighting from our patients:

“She’s looking out for me. It’s not gaslighting.”

“This relationship is beyond gaslighting; it’s straight-up abuse.” Working with James Floman, our colleague at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, we identified five factors that contribute to the severity of a gaslighting experience: frequency, intensity, extensiveness, intentionality (not all gaslighting is conscious) and the victim’s ability to handle adversity.

These factors also inform the severity of the gaslighting, as well as its effect on the target. These effects can start as disbelief and progress to defense and depression. Here’s how to cope with three levels of gaslighting.

Emerging gaslighting How to identify it: Gaslighting often starts slow and is nearly imperceptible. The gaslighter will make occasional critical statements. The spouse of one of our patients told him, “I figured you would lose the keys again. That’s you lately — always losing things. You should really get it together.”

The boss of another patient told her, “Sorry you can’t take a joke. You have no sense of humor.” Often, the victim will perceive these statements as ridiculous or a minor annoyance and mostly ignore them. But the seed is planted if a gaslighter persists and triggers self-doubt.

How to deal with it: Write down a list of things you know to be true. Get support from trusted friends and family — sharing how it feels to be around the gaslighter can provide grounding perspective. Tell the gaslighter you don’t like the way they speak to you or the way they are twisting things. Moderate gaslighting How to identify it: The gaslighter’s language is more accusatory, frequent and intense. The gaslighter will bring in what they say is evidence to confirm what they are insisting. For instance, a gaslighter told one of our patients, “You’re always missing deadlines and blaming it on someone else. Hard to admit you’re unreliable, isn’t it?”

The target will feel the need to defend themselves and get the gaslighter’s approval. They will ruminate about their interactions and wonder, “What is happening? Are they right? Maybe I am doing something wrong.”

How to deal with it: Opt out of the power struggle or the endless back-and-forth with a gaslighter. Do not attempt to negotiate; remember that a gaslighter’s permission to walk away is not required. Phrases such as “We’ll have to disagree,” “I hear you, and I don’t agree,” or “I know you feel strongly about this, but I am not going to continue this conversation” may help you disengage. If it continues, consider ways to limit or get support to end the relationship.

Severe gaslighting How to identify it: Now, a gaslighter’s attacks feel inescapable as the verbal assaults continue. One of our patients was told by a colleague, “You never bother to remember anything. You can’t seem to hold a thought in your head. You really don’t care about your job or our company, do you?”

Another was told by her husband, “You don’t know where I was last night? Come on. You’re a paranoid wreck — just like your mother.”

Targets of gaslighting feel like they are no longer the same person as when they entered the relationship. Any sense of personal agency is gone, and the gaslighter’s needs are prioritized over their own. They have lost themselves.

How to deal with it: Remember life does not have to be like this. If the gaslighter cannot be avoided (for example, a colleague or partner), then limit contact and set clear boundaries. It can be psychologically excruciating to stay with a gaslighter yet simultaneously painful to think about leaving. While not a cure, adopting a mindfulness practice to cultivate self-compassion can help you navigate severe gaslighting.

Resist the urge to isolate, and pursue opportunities to connect and share feelings with a support system. The perspective of trusted individuals can offer a necessary wake-up call to name what is happening. No one deserves the soul-destroying effects of extreme gaslighting. Gaslighting is abuse. Do not wait for a moment that finally feels good enough (or bad enough) to leave. Call on friends and family for support and healthy connection.

Recognizing the red flags of gaslighting If you think gaslighting may be present in your relationship, check for the following red flags:

I often feel confused and crazy in this relationship.

I have trouble walking away from a conversation when this person accuses me of something I didn’t do or being someone I’m not.

I avoid talking about this person with others.

I feel anxious and “not enough” with this person.

I am not the same person I was when I entered the relationship.

We are all deserving of respectful, compassionate and loving relationships. You are no exception.

Robin Stern is the co-founder and senior adviser to the director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, a psychoanalyst in private practice, the author of “The Gaslight Effect Recovery Guide” and the host of “The Gaslight Effect” podcast.

Marc Brackett is the founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, a professor in the Child Study Center at Yale, lead developer of RULER, an evidence-based approach to social and emotional learning, and the author of “Permission to Feel.”

#gaslighting #mental health

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STAR WARS: Eleventh Fleet AU

Hey-hey, I worked, caught a cold, got sick and that’s enough… …so, concept art for the Eleventh Fleet.

Ar'alani and Vah'nya's designs are fairly simple, but the problem with them in particular, and the Chiss in general, is their clothing and style. There are many official references, including those from Legends, but each artist still has his own vision regarding, for example, the shape of the fleet. Somewhere there is a strong homage to the design from the old canon, somewhere it was modernized, and in the latter they added the same “honor's chains”, which look a little strange on the laconic form. It seems to be in the Chiss style, but very impractical.

As a result, I am reworking the design of the expansion and defense fleet uniform, but more on that another time. Let's return to Ar'alani and Vah'nya.

At the beginning of the events of the "Eleventh Fleet", Senior General Ar'alani on his flagship "Vigilant" is increasingly confronted with the Grysks. A year will pass since her last meeting with Thrawn, when the invaders of the Ascendency space will openly attack the Chiss ships.

Such cat and mouse would continue for another year until the disappearance of another Night Dragon class war cruiser, subsequently leading to disaster in the heart of the Chiss Ascendancy. The Senior General will be one of the few superiors who, along with Ba'kif, can survive. Much of this will be down to Vanto and Ronan - unaccounted for variables in the Grysk's plans. The trust placed in Thrawn's "alien protégés" paid off in full.

The Senior General was often accompanied by Senior Navigator Vah'nya. "Vigilant" almost always accepted missions to search for missing navigators. Vah'nya not only guided the ship through the stars and darkness of outer space, but she was much better at rehabilitating rescued navigators, as well as leading the other navigators on the ship. Friendship with Eli played an important role in this.

Because of her "anomaly" as a Navigator who hasn't lost her powers into adulthood, many of the regulations and rules simply don't work for Vah'nya the way they do for other girls. And to be an “anomaly” for Sindikure is a very subtle walking on the edge of a charrik. And yet, to the dissatisfaction of some aristocrats and syndics, the girl manages to balance on it for quite a long time.

+ bonus Ba'kif timeline concept art.

Because I’m not entirely sure that I’m right, but I really wanted to think about what this gorgeous grandpa would have looked like during the Thrawn. Ascendency Trilogy. And I also reworked his “chains” and other form elements quite a bit. And yes, I’m more than sure that Thrawn adopted Ba'kif’s “style” in his time.

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Ahhh! This is lovely!

Thrawn/Morgan Elsbeth picking up on my rant about age, illness, and injury.

Thank you, @themummersfolly for a graceful story that hits the right buttons in every way.

Thrawn, age, illness, and injury.

Ahsoka talk below.

Fandom can be shallow and disappointing. First up, it's possible to dislike the representation of the character without shitting all over an excellent actor whose body of work is more than Disney can bound with contracts and Filoni's scripts. Disney got a full on smack in the face with Jon Boyega (who like Kelly Marie Tran got the shit end of the stick in 2 out of 3 of the sequels), you can bet that there are NDAs and 'you can't say mean things about us even if they're true' clauses.

Mostly I want to talk about age, illness, and injury and the way that people take it as a personal insult to their existence.

Let's start with the man himself. According to the Official Timeline (because everything eventually gets retconned and there is no actual canon) Thrawn was born 59BBY. He was 59 (two years older than I am now) when the space whales yeeted himself and as yet unknown other ships into the dark. Counting forward from the official timeline, he is at the very least 68 years old. He was in exceptional shape before the space whaling, yes. And no, he is not fully human, but is 'near human' - the Chiss evolved from human origins, their blue color explained in canon by something in the Csillan hydrosphere.

But let's look at this.

That is pain.

I'd guess about a 7 or 8.

Those tentacles are tight enough to hold him still, the twisting could induce torsion injuries to the spine and pelvis, cause spiral fractures to bone, dislocate joints, and compress/crush organs. Even with my Chiss physiology headcanon, I can't see anything but pain, crushing and twisting injuries, possibly with internal bleeding.

Additionally, I think that there could have been some kind of brain injury. While some of it could be the makeup and the lighting (or unlighting as the case may be), I think that the droop of one side of his mouth could be from nerve damage somewhere. My mother had a droop like that after a 'baby stroke' - transient ischemic attack.

He and Ezra were alone on the bridge, and he shot Ezra. Further, I can't see Ezra doing anything to help Thrawn after the credits roll. Once those Imps break through the blast door, he's going to be lucky to survive the fist minute.

In the great in-between that moment and the new canon?

So Thrawn, at the end of nine years is not just nine years older, but has managed to get his ship operable without a shipyard, not starve to death after the two years of consumables were gone, and not die of his injuries. (I've posted my theory that the survivors went into coldsleep to preserve the supplies.) Filoni has retconned bacta treatment into a magic potion - except when it isn't. The man is so inconsistent and wishy-washy that I could drive a 1960 Cadillac Eldorado through the smallest plot holes.

Y'all were expecting the buff blue daddy after all that. Elon Musk and 'dad bod.' I get it though, a lot of people invest in the concept of youth and health, go to extremes to hold onto it, even worship it - and denigrate the people who visibly age, are ill, or injured, or disabled. So many of the posts about Thrawn's portrayal in Ahsoka carry the stench of ableism and ageism. As for hating the character for his portrayal, blame Filoni instead.

#fic #go see!

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reading this deposition that just got dropped where someone sued musk and ohhhh my god it is this funniest thing ever . i can see why his lawyer tried to keep this confidential . they’re both maybe the biggest idiots . this is like ace attorney

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'But your heart seems so silent

Why do you breathe so low, why do you breathe so low?' (Cat Stevens, Lady D'Arbanville)

Evereni!Enoch/Thrawn, request from @mistressminako

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Side gig shenanigans

"So are you going to have an open call?"

"Probably this September. We hire a lot of college students. Once they're out of the house and write porn without worrying about their parents."

"You should be recruiting their parents, because you can bet that Mom's been on Usenet, FF.net, and LJ. She probably also used to run an archive on Geocities or Angelfire before getting an A03 code."

I said I had people in mind.

The latest fiasco was not entire 50,000 word novels, but collections of short stories. Each book was to have ten stories of between 3,000 and 5,000 words. You guessed it - they tried the AI with results as before. Apparently there's a whole-ass market for porn targeted at people with short attention spans. I just had to fix one story. I jokingly pitched a collection of drabbles (100 words) and ficlets (1000 words). I should have kept my mouth shut because I am now tasked with writing ten drabbles and one ficlet. It was a wrangle over pay - never do free work and keep your pitch short - but the editor liked the idea because drabbles can be a form of erotic poetry.

In terms of medical bills, this check blasted a chunk out of the balance, a full fridge and pantry, and a chance to relax a little. I have a backlog of fic reading in one folder and backlog of writing in the other. The past month has been... well, you guys who know that I've gone through cancer and am in remission for 16 months know how it's affected me. During the last month, the insomnia and medical-oriented nightmares have been hard.

I'm doing okay, y'all. Thanks for listening.

#side gig #intellectual prostitution

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Been a minute, but I am taking a breath.

Side gig accomplished. I have some breathing room before the next one.

Also, some medical shit. People who have had lung infections - flu, COVID, bronchitis - commonly develop nodules. These nodules can resolve on their own or not. Other infections such as Valley Fever and tuberculosis can also cause them. I have had one of these since 2009, and it decided to suddenly grow after my last COVID infection. So, on Friday, after a month of waiting, I got up on a CT scan table and a very nice lung surgeon put very large needles into my upper left chest. These needles were full of lidocaine. He then took five samples from the 8mm nodule with a needle that I got one look at and promptly closed my eyes.

He said that he got around 90% just with the samples, and that the biopsy results will be in on Wednesday. He does not think that it is standalone lung cancer, but if it is, it was in situ and a chemoembolization will take care of it. It is unlikely to be related to my previous cancer because that DNA would have shown up in my monthly tests.

I've been sleeping a lot, catching up on lost sleep, and resting as ordered. No lifting anything over 10lb for a week. I'll post results as soon as I have them. Here, have a kitty.

For scale, the quilt squares are 12".

#cancer #life in general

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About my meatspace last week

Stupid is as stupid does, and stupid at both job-job and side job was fucking

EPIC.

Smoking weed on the clock, a new hire with sticky fingers, repeating bad decisions while expecting a different outcome... and this was me.

I also filed my taxes and cried at how much $18,000 out of pocket on medical stuff. That's better than $20,000 in 2022 and yes I am getting a refund but DAMN. Also, Blue Cross cut it close and that's why I couldn't finish until last night.

#real life #death and taxes #work

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They never learn.

So, life happens all at once. Job job had multiple disasters, while the side gig had a self-inflicted disaster. Everything has been asses and elbows.

Personal stuff? I am getting stronger and more able to handle the physical things I never used to think about BC - Before Cancer. I can do more, even when I shouldn't and need some recovery time.

Back when I have all four on the road.

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I aten't ded.

Life comes at you fast.

Back as soon as things settle TF down.

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Have I mentioned that I hate blood work?

i do. I do. So much.

💉🩸🧪

#remission #cancer

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redraw of a couple of thrawn comic book panels (illustrated by luke ross) to put my old work sketchbook to any use

the boys 💙

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eli i love you,,