cottont33th

[cottont33th]

Hypothetically, of course:

Blissfully, wistfully

lazing next to you,

passing the time,

possibly overthinking -

perhaps just a dite -

and missing every cue,

as I sink lowly into

this heart of mine's

cozy and new,

maybe unwise

unspoken truths,

that oh so woefully,

are best kept

solely confined

to my confused,

totally consumed,

moody little mind,

'cause, right now,

all's what I've got to gain,

and I kinda,

most of all,

sorta,

don't want to lose

my sight of you.

Intrusive thoughts slink in,

all about how

slowly

the seconds ooze,

and how they grossly,

sweetly coalesce;

how I endlessly,

effortlessly,

and completely

seem to eschew

my loose bearing

on the daytime's glaring,

as the outside lights

fluoresce after the sun sets,

thoroughly,

throughout the night,

embracing the silhouettes

whilst wearing a silly smile

on my dimly-lit face,

nevertheless unamused.

Pacing back and forth,

spilling out my dreams

all over the place

long after you've left,

sighing, trying so hard

to deftly wed a metaphor

between the shine

of your infinite eyes

and the divine scent

of fresh petrichor,

but shyly settling for

silly things that I've

unfortunately,

much to my chagrin,

already said before.

And, like,

I don't much know

what life has in store,

but then again,

it'd be fine, I guess,

if you were mine -

yes, sure -

such that I could also,

well, begin being yours.

Um, hypothetically, of course.

[cottont33th]

notes app poetry about wanting to be a crazy old man + what a privilege itll be

might start sharing more of my poetry on here.. maybe...

[cottont33th]

4/1/24 

One Month 

I can see a face 

Among the scabs 

bruises and mosquito bites 

Legs of a boy 

Eyes of a fish 

Staring up at me through the muddy water 

The sun is so bright 

And the bass are small enough to see through 

Impatiently I’m sitting at the dock 

Waiting for the apple to drop and my face to grow older 

But instead it’s moment by moment 

As I buried a childhood pet today 

And I can hear my neighbor shout at a dog 

I’m different moment by moment 

Every second 

I’ll chose instead to enjoy the breeze 

Pan and Apollo 

Braid my hair 

And hold my growing shoulders 

#poetry #rain skyler poem #trans poets on tumblr #trans poetry #literature #spoken poetry #trans artist #moment by moment

[cottont33th]

3/4/24

A Footnote of Personal Hope

Driving with the moonroof down while rain pours in

I am thrilled to imagine a strangers face again

Wearing my best friends slip dress

And finally,

not caring anymore.

#poetry #rain skyler poem #photography #tumblr grunge #gay poetry #trans poets on tumblr #literature #trans poetry #original poem

[cottont33th]

2/7/24

Black Wool

It’s snowing on Wolf Mountain

And I am able to finally admit

Just how much I hate the coat you gave me

So in my own personal dramatized fit

I took it off and gave it away

Because I couldn’t stand to wear it anymore

Because I hated it

And couldn’t understand why I still had it

Beyond the guilt

That coat was too good for me

And I am too good to keep something like it.

#poetry #new rule that I can only post poems like this when I’m feeling better and happy and whimsical #rain skyler poem #photography #tumblr grunge #gay poetry #trans poets on tumblr #trans poetry #literature #whimsical tried to autocorrect to whimper

[cottont33th]

2/22/24 

Baby Skin

All at once it seems 

All the saturation in the world is gone 

Besides the grass on this dam. 

The air in my home has gone stale 

My clothes feel like a costume 

My skin temporary 

So much change just around the corner 

None of this will be real for much longer. 

But every year without fail 

This dam remains 

Saturated 

Forever greening 

And perfect. 

So many times 

I’ve cried here 

Wrote here 

Felt hopeless here 

Knew things would always be better 

Here. 

There will never be another greening dam. 

#rain skyler poem #poetry #trans poets on tumblr #literature #trans poetry

[cottont33th]

2/13/23 

Roadkill

Tonight I feel so human 

In the most animal way possible 

Gripping at my steering wheel 

And letting myself dip back into all the feelings 

I promised myself I wouldn’t have anymore. 

And today I didn’t recognize the face 

Of the mother of this girl I used to be friends with 

I think it maybe broke something in me 

Just a little bit more 

So I’m singing as loud as I can 

My throat bleeding and the lyrics all wrong 

Today Big Thief tomorrow Atwater 

I own every one of these songs

And I can’t help but feel freshly wounded every time. 

#poetry #rain skyler poem #trans poets on tumblr #literature

[cottont33th]

Insert good poem

#photography #original art #vulture culture #cw: animal bones #animal bones #deer skull #collage #trans artist

[cottont33th]

Country music

Little town

Oh Little town

Everybody knows about us

In our little town

With little smiles

Dirt kicks up behind us

As we walk away from everything

Our little town closing around us

I will suffocate

We'll suffocate

And the river washes the blood away

In our little town

(Instrument break)

I'm going to suffocate

In our little town

(2020)

[cottont33th]

Sacrificial Lamb

I want it back

The love that I gave to you

But it’s gone

And you buried it some time ago.

I still struggle to understand where it went,

How one person can change so much,

So quickly

What did you whisper to your disciples?

Glancing over your shoulder to see if I still followed,

Your loyal little sheep.

I wonder if you buried it in their house,

Or beneath the trailer steps.

Maybe in a pile of laundry and scraps, congealed with the ones I gave you.

God forbid, Arkansas.

You skin me with your shears and fashion me into a coat to cover your skin and bones

The sores you made with your lash rip apart as you walk away, and my noxious blood seeps into the river.

Poisoning the flock with my misfortune

I think I hate you in this life

but against my better judgement

I would tear myself asunder just to be loved by you again

[cottont33th]

Thank you

#poetry #rain skyler poem #gay poetry #trans poets on tumblr #dog art #trans poetry #literature #winter prologue

[cottont33th]

#poetry #rain skyler poem #gay poetry #original art #trans poets on tumblr #trans poetry #literature #dog art #winter prologue

[cottont33th]

#poetry #rain skyler poem #gay poetry #original art #trans poets on tumblr #dog art #winter prologue

[cottont33th]

I figured I would finish posting the rest of Winter Prologue

#winter prologue #poetry #rain skyler poem #gay poetry #original art #trans poets on tumblr #dog art

[cottont33th]

11/2/23

Burning

I think your voice might be my favorite sound

You have no idea how beautiful you are, do you? 

Your delicate face and your eyes that turn green in the summer

I’ve never felt more alive than those first days just talking to you. 

No one’s been so soft to me 

And no one makes me feel like I’m missing pieces of my mind like you.

That stolen moment alone with you 

I let myself get too close and yet I was so so careful 

Gods, why did you hold me so gently? 

Why did you intertwine your hand with mine 

Your gentle sleeping breath on the back of my neck

I’d never felt so loved 

And now I’ve started hating the weekends again 

There’s something so mortifying 

About you knowing how earnestly I wrote you all those birthday cards

You know now the weight of how I look at you 

How much I meant it when I told you I loved you 

The high of emotion I felt from just one kiss 

And I feel unclean. 

I’m sick of burying my mouth in the inside of my wrist 

How can you look me in the eye and tell me–

I’ve seemed unhappy recently?

I’ve never felt so loved and I don’t think I feel loved now.

I think I feel like just a warm body now.

Everything is different now yet too normal 

And I’m not one to handle change.

There was a moment a while back last spring 

We hugged for a minute and laughed 

Because we would see each other the next day. 

And now I sit here holding onto that memory like crumpled paper 

I was okay before 

I’ve loved you for so long the fleeting daydreams became enough 

And I was okay without a label 

But you want to pursue other people

And I feel guilty for not wanting you to. 

And still, no one had ever been so sweet to me

When you kissed my forehead I glowed. 

“Dirty little secret” 

I was always told I was more sensitive than most people

I think it might just kill me. 

#poetry dump #poetry #rain skyler poem #gay poetry #literature

[cottont33th]

source

[cottont33th]

1/27/24

January Spring

There’s something different about today

Still somber but clearer

Like the air became easier to breathe

And I don’t resent how warm January is anymore

Because today

In this morning’s cool breeze and hoards of tiny yelling birds

I know who loves me

And who was just keeping me around

And I am looking myself in the dusty old mirror

And I smile too

And don’t feel lonely anymore.

#poetry #photography #tumblr grunge #rain skyler poem #gay poetry #original art #trans poets on tumblr #trans poetry #literature