devil-worthy-heroine-solo

[devil-worthy-heroine-solo]

A Broken Hearted Friendship

A broken heart is physical pain

I feel pain when I’m near you

I feel pain when I’m apart from you

Other than pain

A broken heart is numbing

I don’t feel anything

Except an ache

“Friends”

I never thought that word could hurt so much

I never knew how deep it cuts

Yet I’ve always known that’s what we’ll stay

Regardless, it hurts to acknowledge

I bite back the tears that threaten my eyes

Every time I see you

Every time I talk to you

Every time I think of you

It’s so hard to be friends

When my heart shatters a little more with every encounter

And my mind begs me to run away 

However, it’s hardest to be friends

When my soul longs to be more

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At night

While the world slept

He gazed at the wall

Knowing if not for her love, then why breathe at all

Eyes wide open a mind fixed on one thought

She won't be so sad awaking to a gunshot

At night

while he slept

I planted stars

in the ground

that-

they might

grow up to become

galaxies

and spell out

my own revolving love letter

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calling me names, harboring hate

My wisdom teeth

Now pulled painfully from my mouth

Like the shit that you still gossip about

Pen

[devil-worthy-heroine-solo]

nearly permanent

addiction runs in the family

and i've this agonizing history

of self-destructive tendencies

anger gets the best of me

holds me against its gritted teeth

demands i take it out on me

it was me: the burns and bruises

and the scars, all of it

the only thing i can't admit

is that it's not gone; it's

nearly permanent

Pen

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Retrace

I long to be twenty two again. I want to

Meet you all over again. To ignore speed

Limits and consequences and dive head-

First into the thick of this. I’ve never held

Such a stubborn wish. I imagine, envision

It: our everlasting autumn. A golden glare

Of November light, a hint of what Forever

Could feel like. Like the sweet forgiveness

Carved from rock bottom and if I’m not

Welcome here, I’ll tread lightly, gradually

Disappear. Like I was never your problem.

Here I am in headlights, red-stained hands

Raised up high, shouting fucking lies like:

“I never belonged to him. I never belonged

To him. “

Pen

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guilt writing

i’m treading a deep sea

i’m dead weight; i can’t breathe

and you are the safety I need

but for years we haven't been speaking

*

it was all just delusion

i spun reality into confusion

and when it all broke, i spent

nearly a decade fixing it

*

that memory fucks with my head

it holds the power to alter my mindset

i fantasize about the resolve in death

this is guilt, writing to be misread

Pen

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Apothic Inferno

Do I need to remember your

Favorite type of wine? Must

I play your favorite band from

Elaborate stages in my mind?

*

Why must I live inside the lyrics

Played in your old Honda each

July I’d come to visit? Oh, boy,

God knows the rhymes I write

In my sleep, and how they taunt

Me in dreamt up streets, how our

Memories keep me hoping you’ll

Come back to me- but I’m not

Sure that’s what’s best for our

Psyches.

*

We try on for size the most

Tearful of goodbyes. There’s

Nothing heavier than music

Of the blues, of lovers who

Lose all they’ve been holdin’

Onto, on dark, storm-soaked

Nights, with tears streaming

From our eyes like a downpour,

Like the opening of the heavens.

Like the cleansing of acid rain.

Like every farewell still encased

Within irreparable pain.

*

Apothic Inferno. The Decemberists.

The Crane Wife. Amber Run and the

Band from our adolescence and our

Hardest lives. Lyrics in which we’ve

Since buried our promises. I still miss

You, like this. From stages that spin

‘Round in my head. From memories

I can’t help but relive again, again.

*

This is what happens when you

Leave something unfinished. Lack

Of closure remains a dividend of

Dreams for which you keep wishin’

And it’s no one’s duty to pretend the

Cards that we’ve been given haven’t

Sent us reeling through visions of

Streets where love blossoms, your

Hands fit in my pockets, and all of

Our wishes- granted.

*

Pen

[devil-worthy-heroine-solo]

carry shit

Here and there we carry shit everywhere, be it love, lust or the darkness of despair, our company's secrets or our own defeated ness. It's a heavy weight to bear and hold. So I'm told it's just baggage you could discard, but for a person like me that's more than just hard.I hold on to things like time and relevance though I know both of those are gone from my own negligence. So I walk tattered and torn and accused for the bad I did knowing full well it's nothing... Nothing but accurate

Words are easy, man. Carry shit- me

#writers creed #writers on tumblr #exerpts from a book i'll never write #lost #Tiredpoet #Lifeinwords #notadr #readmyshitfuckers

[devil-worthy-heroine-solo]

O, longing is deeper than

the thickest regret,

rues not more, rather

less than forget,

forgiving guilty recall,

renounces failure

to resist, is madly,

moodily moon-full as

is a wolf’s howl

that answered in equal

velocity loses sanity

insanely well with

wisdom’s disregard -

o, this human condition

of our longing for

longing that longs: in love!          ©

[devil-worthy-heroine-solo]

It must suck to be so fake or to know every memory you have worth mentioning has me in it. But trust me its  even worse to know those memories were nothing more than a shallow person trying to fit in with people she never cared to actually know... I hope you call yourself cultured. Knowing the only people you've met in your life that were worth anything were the ones I introduced you to... you'd be nothing without me... hahahhaajah

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I buried what hope I held onto for us in the muck and mud of new Orleans

Such a fitting place for me to set myself free

Its strange being back here and you being gone

Knowing you couldn't be further away

So I dug a whole and dumped my everything into it

But that hole is in my head and my shovels a bullet

#write #spilled poems #sad poetry #lit #poetsofinstagram #tumblr #savinggracekillingme

[devil-worthy-heroine-solo]

[devil-worthy-heroine-solo]

i. it will feel as though the world has ended and that is partially because it has at least a part of it has; the part that felt like the whole it will feel as though the world went up in flames while all you could do was watch it end (i know you tried but there’s nothing you could’ve done to save it) and how can anyone expect you to recover so quickly when you’re still reeling in the aftershocks of the destruction?

ii. it will feel as though the world has ended and finally the age old adage about the world ending in fire or ice will finally make sense  because a sense of numbness will engulf you from head to toe you’ll think you’ve been frozen meanwhile every text that goes unanswered and every phone call that gets ignored will burn like a flame to your skin  the pain so intense that you’ll be surprised to find there are no scars left behind an invisible pain only to be described as heartbreak 

iii. it will feel as though the world has ended and you’ll wish it had you’ll wish that the sun had imploded or the seas flooded every inch of land you’ll wish for a rain that never ends until we all drown you’ll wish for zombies or an alien invasion you’ll wish for something, anything, to make sense because this doesn’t this – being the ache you constantly feel this – being the tears you cannot stop crying this – being the numbness that seeps into your bones  this – being the desperation and needing someone who doesn’t need you this – being still loving someone who doesn’t love you anymore because how can you just turn off those feelings?  how can someone just wake up one day and decide that they don’t love someone anymore?  it doesn’t make sense, but otherworldly destruction does and maybe if the world is in shambles the same way you feel you are, then people might just stop telling you to get over it

iv. it will feel as though the world has ended and you won’t know if you’ll be able to survive it you’ve never had to go through something like this before; you thought you knew what it was like you’ve heard the songs, you’ve read the poetry, you’ve seen the tweets and tumblr posts about it you thought you knew what it was like until you actually experienced and it and holy shit, does it suck and in the moment, you won’t think you’l be able to survive  but you will trust me, you will time will go on and you will take it one day at a time and one day, you’ll wake up and realize that it doesn’t hurt as badly as it did the day before, that you don’t miss them as much as you did before  you’ll won’t realize the healing has started happening, but it’ll happen  you will live through this travesty  and live to see another  and it may be just as painful as the first one but at least this time you’ll be able to remind yourself that you survived the end of the world once before, you can do it again

v. it will feel as though the world has ended and that is partially because it has at least a part of it has; the part that felt like the whole but it hasn’t not completely, anyway there is still a part that has managed to stay intact despite this explosion of your universe  and that’s the part you need to focus on; not the loss, but what remains

a note to myself after my first breakup (cc, 2019)

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Firstly, all I saw is long flaming locks, as I locked my lazar sights on a woman tonight.

Then I moved in with such a lack of confidence that even I don’t know why I bothered to try.

Secondly, I observed, overhearing a fascinating conversation.

Then, despite the delight and amazement I did not cave in and go back walking to satisfy my guy urges.

Instead, I went home and imagined a more satisfying conclusion.

In my what if world we had a deep and intriguing conversation, as she weighed in on current issues and then listened to my perspective, as we discussed art and empathy.

In my what if world she was as fascinated by me as I was she,

but alas reality saw me to sleep alone.

-2018

[devil-worthy-heroine-solo]

i. find me shedding away layers of skin like leaves — like cracking tree barks until i am a cold corpse preserved in the winter. until i am what nature calls dead. so long each restless movement, so long, each ugly mark so long, each metaphor stitched together into a sorry imitation of poetry.

ii. find me shedding away layers of skin until i am a hundred sorrows thinner, — a thousand sighs lighter: a sorry imitation of a chrysalis breaking and out emerges an anomaly aching down to its very bones, so long, each fleeing breath so long, each exit wound.

iii. find me laying down this weary skin, this dainty roadside silhouette these trembling, purple veins. as if an act of making amends. maybe not. these lines are escape routes stitched together into a sorry imitation of poetry —

maybe my entire life has been that way — a sorry imitation of poetry.

a sorry imitation of sanity.

so long.

iv. don't find me. so long.

— fray narte

[devil-worthy-heroine-solo]

This Most Perfect Day

In the tradition of love forever being kind this day remember if needed be blind Be patient for many who are not yet aware need our compassion and tender care So many questions  still so far to go let them know it’s okay to only don’t know Every fool is a prophet  each child a star and life can be found only here where we are Be alive and be loving what more need I say except may she find you this most perfect day

[devil-worthy-heroine-solo]

O, longing is deeper than

the thickest regret,

rues not more, rather

less than forget,

forgiving guilty recall,

renounces failure

to resist, is madly,

moodily moon-full as

is a wolf’s howl

that answered in equal

velocity loses sanity

insanely well with

wisdom’s disregard -

o, this human condition

of our longing for

longing that longs: in love!          ©