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laviudanegra99
Ė ą¼ā” Ā·Ėź°welcome to my blogź± āĖĖą¼
rohitshastri
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lariiferr
1997
ho-so-vo-so
HoSoVoSo
weebmemelol
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i hope iām special to you, at least a little bit
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Iām not asking you to be mine eternally, Iām just asking you to keep me company til the morning comes. Though, I wouldnāt mind if you stayed forever.
#i read this somewhere years ago#and i cant stop thinking about it#i cant find where i read it though#drafts
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:(
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can i please just talk to someone. i have so many people i would love to talk to because i need fucking help and i know they would be more than willing but my stupid fcking brain goes āno youāll annoy them. they wont care. youāll just ruin their dayā
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please just make it stop
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#i dont know why ive gotten so bad suddenly!#well. thats a lie i do know#but i dont know why it went this far#ive been crying since like 11pm yesterday. its 3pm.#i dont think i ate yesterday.#im barely getting out of bed#i had the worst panic attack ive ever had today#last night#i was sitting on my bedroom floor#sobbing#making a list of everything thats wrong with me#and a list of everyhting that would be better with out me#and i started thinking of ways i could. not be here anymore#i didnt eat today#im still crying#my hands are so shaky#i dont want to do this anymore#and something really fuckinf stupid triggered it but#now im just beyond that and i cant get back#im really scared
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#i dont want to get hurt anymore#realistically its going to happen#and that scares me so much#it scares me to the point that i push people away#because i know it isnt going to last#even if it lasts for years upon years#it wont last forever#and id rather be hurt now than in the long run#but that doesnt mean i like this hurt#im so tired of it#im just trying to protect myself#im just trying to keep myself safe#i just need to protect myself for a little bit longer#and then itll all be okay#but it hurts so bad right now
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#i just wish i could fast forward#i dont want to be here anymore#in this stupid ātransitionalā time like everyones telling me im in#im so burnt out and im only 18#im done. im done with everything and im only 18#im so young#everyone keeps telling me to remind myself how young i am#how new i am to everything so thats why it all feels so much#but i just dont want to do this anymore#whats the point#nothing ever worked out for me in 18 years so why should i keep going
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#it really hurts tonight#i wish i cpuld make it stop#i wish i could make everything stop#i wish i could just cover my ears and everything would be gone#i could just forget everything until i decide to come back#ive been crying for . three fucking hours#i wish i could just talk about it#but i cant#its so fucking stupid im so fucking stupid
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tired of having a tear streaked face and a wet pillow and a runny nose and shaky breathing
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#i hate this feeling#i shouldnt feel it#its so stupid and gross and selfish#i cant make it go away#ive tried so hard but it just wont#i know whats causing it#but i cant do anything about it#i cant#it would fuck everything up#everythinfs always so good until is crashes#just cause of one stupid thing#its so annoying#i try so hard to push it away#cause if i dont it engulfes me
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iāve got a list of songs i cant listen to and its all because of you
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Itās so unbelievably hard to watch all my friends be at college when I decided not to go. Its so fucking frustrating to know that I had such a good job that paid me so well but I couldnāt do it because of my stupid fucking anxiety. Itās so embarrassing to tell people that first I decided not to go to college, and on top of that I left a job that was so so good. I feel like such an idiot. I feel like I disappointed everyone. Every single day I tell myself that I made a stupid decision not going to college and now Iām not going to get anywhere in life. Everyday I tell myself that every hope and dream I ever had is impossible now because I didnāt go to college and i quit my job. Iām so fucking scared for my future. I wish I wouldāve planned more when I was younger, I wish I wouldāve figured out what I wanted to do earlier, I wish my brain wasnāt so stupid and useless. Thereās so many things I wish now but its too late. Iām so scared. Iām terrified that Im never going to get anywhere in life. Iām terrified of my future, or the one I might not even have
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i hate that when somethings wrong I just shut down completely. I wish I could ask for help. I wish I could talk to my friends. I love them so much why canāt i just talk to them!
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