eating-isnt-very-vogue

[eating-isnt-very-vogue]

My problem is not that I hate food. It’s that I love it too much and I’m trying to learn how to love it a lot less 🙃

[eating-isnt-very-vogue]

Body positivity is bs

Everybody is judging you in their head so stfu and 🌟ve

[eating-isnt-very-vogue]

Now i have a plan for tomorrow

<333

[eating-isnt-very-vogue]

Ana is literally the best thing ever because everything else fades away. No more stress, no more emotions, just..me and my anorexia. It’s the only thing u think about—being skinny I mean. Like, u kinda just stop caring about everything because the only thing that matters to you is continuing to track calories or working out or whatever. It just makes everything so peaceful. Even the feeling of fasting is so nice, the empty bubbly floating kinda feeling that lets u know ur doing something right.

[eating-isnt-very-vogue]

21/04/24

Jesus fuckin christ im so fucking tired of seeing the same 53 kg on the scale. I am so tired of this shit i just want to be skinny already. And i am fine with putting in the work to reach my goal but why the fuck does it take that long? And then all these stupid binges happening along the way, slowing my progress.

But at least there is this one pleasent feeling bringing me joy: the hunger pains i am experiencing rn :D

[eating-isnt-very-vogue]

ACAB!

(All Calories Are Bastards)

[eating-isnt-very-vogue]

[eating-isnt-very-vogue]

Where are all my adult anas?

It's a different world stepping into Eds shoes again half way through life.

I don't have to worry about my parents getting mad at me

I don't have to worry about my school teachers getting mad at me

I don't have the typical teenage drama that spurred this mentality shift

I remember Ed being a call a shout for help just to be seen and cared for as a teenager. But now no one sees me, I have no watchful eyes on me. No one whispering under their breath, no parents staring at me across the dinner table as I play with a half eaten plate, no boy trouble or pubescent drama fueled by hormonal rage and indifference. I'm not doing this to impress the boy I like or try to fit in with the popular kids.

I am invisible

Except from myself.

I'm in a strange state of visible translucency. I tell people I'm fasting and they believe me, I tell people I'm too tired to come meet them for dinner they believe me.

Fuck, even my live out partner whose been here for the last 3 days who I have said the words 4norexi4 to and who has watched me consume nothing but tea for 3 days doesn't question my choices.

How different a world it is when you're seen but not seen. I am validated but I remain a shadow.

[eating-isnt-very-vogue]

Is anyone else scared, that if you start eating enough again, you will loose controll? As long as i am restricting and starving myself, i feel in controll and i feel physically sick because of the hunger so i loose my appetite. But as soon as i put any proper food in my mouth, the appetite comes back and it feels like i could eat everything in the kitchen. I dont want to relapse into binge eating again. I know for sure it will ruin all my progress that i worked hard for. So the only solution is to keep on starving, but at some point i will reach my goal weight and i am scared that i wont be able to stop because i am so done with the binge ed, that i am willing to do anything to avoid it this time.

#thiinsp0 #weightloss #anamia #losing weight #fat #@n0r3xia #@na trigger #@nor3×14 #@na vent

[eating-isnt-very-vogue]

I am currently on my 12. day streak of restricting and i really relapsed hard into the ed. I havent been that deep into it since summer last year. I honestly thought i was on a really good path of recovery and i even made a pact with myself that im not gonna relapse into restrictive ed behaviour anymore on my 20 birthday at the beginning of this year.

#@n0r3xia

[eating-isnt-very-vogue]

I am craving a simple chicken soup with vegetables SO BAD right now

I’m getting better at restricting. I’ve lost 8lbs so far this month.

The one downside is once your restrict more and more, e v e r y t h i n g sounds delicious. Plain broth? Rice and eggs? Plain fruit? Raw veggies? Boiled chicken? Everything sounds amazing.

That’s true hunger.

[eating-isnt-very-vogue]

When someone’s spreading misinformation on nutrition and you gotta hold in the fucked up amount of knowledge you have on the subject

[eating-isnt-very-vogue]

Did not expect this relapse tbh

[eating-isnt-very-vogue]

The sexual tension between me and releapsing real hard into the ed after months of consistently and succesfully fighting it is hitting hard rn

It just reminds me that the battle will probably never be 100% over

[eating-isnt-very-vogue]

current body trends

i dont know if it is only my subjective point of view but i feel like suddenly everyone wants to get really skinny again, like not the type of normal healthy skinny but borderline underweight skinny. Since i started thinking i remember that women were expected to be skinny or were fatshamed and therefore wanted to be skinny but i feel like recently it became a thing to be thin again. I can only guess that it has to do with celebritys (kardashians etc) getting skinny and removing their butt implants and because of the low rise fashion trends. But honestly i think that being slim in the modern world has always been the default trend and seen as desirable by everyone and it will always come back , just in different ways (eg. having a boyish figure in the 60's vs hourglass skinny today) . I guess that it has to do with the abundance of food in first world countries, because by loosing weight/staying skinny in such an environment, one displays discipline towards food. Even with the big butt trend from the 2010s we could see that being slim was still somehow desirable and being thick was only seen as desirable on certain areas of the body like the butt and not on other areas like the waist and the stomach, arms etc. So thats my take on that

#skiny body #thiinsp0 #weightloss #anamia #losing weight #fat #ed not ed sheeran #ed rant #weight loss

[eating-isnt-very-vogue]

the times i were at my lowest weight, the urge to loose weight was the strongest, even more then when i was at my highest weight

its funny how we all pretend like " i will stop when im thin enough" is a reality .

We all know there is no such thing as "thin enough"

[eating-isnt-very-vogue]

i have such a love hate relationship with alcohol because why does it make me feel so good but WHY DOES IT HAVE TO MAKE ME BINGE. I understand that it makes impulses harder to control but why cant i just loose the inhibition in the social sphere and not with food