emanonandtheirshitposting

[emanonandtheirshitposting]

haven't posted anything here in a while

mainly because I really like this guy I work with and he occupies my thoughts 24/7. I hate it so much because I feel terrible when we interact. I feel absolutely miserable and stupid and I overthink EVERYTHING he does and says and it's killing me. and the amount of physical contact coming from him doesn't help. because he constantly casually (but confidently) puts his hand on my waist for only like a few seconds (THATS NOT HOW COWORKERS INTERACT WITH EACH OTHER RIGHT???) or pats me on the shoulder or something else like that and it literally drives me crazy. because I can't help but wonder if he maybe likes me too?? but when even the slightest change happens (or I think it happens because I am overthinking literally everything) I think "yep this is it, he hates me and thinks I'm annoying and a terrible person". like yesterday I texted him and asked him about his favorite manga and he hasn't replied to me yet, when usually he replies pretty quickly so now I think maybe he doesn't want to even be friends because he thinks I'm weird and cringe (but he hasn't read the text either, so I still have hope that he just didn't see it or that he'll reply tomorrow or something). he also has a lot of his own mental health struggles and it makes it even harder to understand him and all that. idk. im tired. sometimes I wish we'd never met, but I also think it's the best thing that happened to me in the past two months.

In conclusion: I hate having bpd. and I want to bash my head against the wall

autism + bpd combo hits hard..

#actually autistic #bpd #actually bpd #bpd vent #living with borderline #borderline personality disorder #autistic adult #send help

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best way I have found to comfort people who are endlessly apologetic of things outside their control (often as a result of shitty relationships) is the jokingly hyperbolic accusation of [gasp] "so you're behind it all!"

like someone giving me directions who starts apologizing profusely when I miss a light as if it's their fault--[gasp] "it was you who petitioned city council to build this intersection in 1893!!" because it snaps them out of it and they laugh like. oh yeah. that's a ridiculous thing to blame someone for. I'm not that guy. you're not that guy. it works.

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everything should just get better immediately and forever

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When people ask how I’m doing...

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So we all know that Tumblr is US-centric. But to what degree? (and can we skew the results of this poll by posting it at a time where they should be asleep?)

Reblog to increase sample size!

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have you joined the chronic pain club today? it's not too late!

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**weighted blanket**

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three FOUR anarchy accounts, that all post nothing but antifa memes, followed me in less than 24 hours. And like, idc, but nothing has ever given me stronger "waving to the FBI agent surveilling me" vibes. four antifa-bot accounts? you want me so bad it's embarrassing.

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can't believe that pompeii by bastille is over ten years old now. but I guess if you close your eyes it does almost feels like nothing changed at all

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i honestly forget that autism mums say 'autism won today' to mean like their kid had a meltdown and that they are ableist. like nooo autism win means something like i found something cool out about my special interest or i managed to avoid a meltdown or i got to infodump!!!!! autism win is good!!!!!!

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what kinds of pain i do experience on daily basis

background noise: it's always there, easy to ignore and forget even though it's like 2/10 as minimum. mostly my ankles and legs overall, sometimes knees.

pinpoint flare-up: some specific joint decided that we're not friends anymore, how sweet. 5/10, hard to ignore, want to whine.

burning: i met stairs on my way. i had no other choice but to climb on them. now my knees and ankles feel on fire. 7/10, can't ignore at all, healthy person would probably cry in pain.

stabbed: was there a jump? or i was running? doesn't matter, i feel like some blade sank right into my feet and the whole length up to my hips. 6/10, i tried so many types of sports that i learned to live with this pain for some time.

long flare-up: some specific joint decided that we're not friends anymore [2], but now it lasts for days non-stop. right now i've been in constant torture by my right hip since las weekends. 5/10, it calms down a little when i'm not standing or walking.

this step was a mistake: don't know how but i just took a step and it ended up wrong. a normal step. in the middle of walking. but my body just decided that we don't like this particular step. 5/10, hurts a lot, but thanks satan it's only for a few seconds or minutes.

someone please forbid ribs: my rib. i hate it. it happens not so often, but when it does i just (tw) seriously consider killing myself. this is pure agony. i can't move, can't even breathe without sharp pain shooting my ribcage. 10/10 or even 11/10, it's unbearable.

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loudly going "YOU'RE GOOD YOU'RE GOOD" to myself to ward off the memory of every embarrassing thing i've ever done

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Dawg how are you 22 with a wife and kids you should be outside playing

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