fififeelsmellow

[fififeelsmellow]

controversial post maybe, but there are a number of lesbian artists whose music i enjoy but they also have this overwhelming fixation on making songs about exes that dated dudes after they broke up. and like, yeah, comphet is a thing, but also sometimes girls are bisexual, and if they date a dude after y'all break up it's not a personal affront to you

#nono. #cause you're right. #like it doesnt make my love for you any less:(( #why am i in emogorl hours pls

[fififeelsmellow]

My name is ebony dark'ness lucifer raven way. Like gerard way, but we're not related or anything. Im glad we aren't, because he's sooo hot. I have long ebony black hair, like my name, with red streaks and I'm wearing knee high boots with a black mini skirt and sexy fishnet tights with a cut black top with cut off sleeves and my hair is in my eyes because im emo. That prep chuck or whatevr is staring at me. I put my middle finger up at him.

Im walking through a random foggy street somewhere in the midwest. There r murders here and its sooo Gothic, im a vampire but my teeth ate straight and white and nobody would ever know but ima actually a good vampire because the ones who suck SUCK. Its like if edward cullen didn't suck. Anyway i look over at the gotjic murders sadly and watch as the the sexy fbi agents ask the mother of the murder about... Vampires. When they turn around, they look at me and oh my god that's not an fib agent its DEAN WINCHESTER?

Dean walks over sadly and introduces himself as bill ward with his partner, geezer butler. I laugh sadly and tell him "too bad i know who you really are... Dean and Sam winchester" they look at me.in shock. "Im a friend of the sexy bobby singer too i know you" they both gasp mournfully. "Well if you know Bobby why don't we.meet up later and uh go out later." I smile and accept. Omg im going out with dean winchester!!¡!

Gothically time skips

When i go to my gothically shutty hotel i call bonby "oh my god dean is taking me out later" and bonby replied "i cant believe you didn't tell me you liked him earlier" "i didn't want to tell yoi bwcause you wouldnt believe me" bonby hung up the phone bc he had ither things to do.

Getting dressed i put on thigh high platform boots, a short black jean skirt, and a hoodie crop top with zipper in the middle and skull.hands on the front and the sleeves ripped down to my hands. I put on a chocker and black cross star earrings (a.n. if u dont know what.that is too bad, leave my story alone prepz xoxo) i put on black lipstick and black.eyeliner and pulled my bangs down to my eyes and shown the red streaks in my long raven hair.

Dean drives up in his shiny black 67 impala and when i get in i am happily shocked. Instead of the normal interior, he had painted the my chemical romance black parade album cover on the dash!! Maybe he is gothic after all, because when inlooked over to him he was wearing ripoed jeans, black nail polish, a chain necklace with black eyeliner on his green eyes and black boots. "Im surprised there is no Sam" i say gothicaly happy for it to be just him. He said and gloomily replied "Sam is busy being a nerd preo" i look at him confused. "Wym he is a nerd prep?? That's nor sam that's his weird gothelganger (a.n. get it?? Like doppelganger but goth?) Jared padeleski" "oh yeah, Sam is reading about werewolves and demons i forgot" i look concerned. "How could u forger about ur own brother??" He gothically says "i did a lot of cool weed before i picked you up, i brought some for you too" he stops and looks shyly under his combed forward banhs "if you would take some from me" i nod happily and.off we go.

"I hope you like good charlotte because that's.who we are seeing" i am so.happy, dean truly is emo now.

At the.concert we dance and laugh and make fun of that evil prep Hillary fucking duff. On our way back.he makes a stop ourside of the woods. "What r you doing???" I asked confused. He sighs and says "enoby, ibe known who you are for a while. Bobby told me all about you. I've lobed you for a while" i gasp "really!!!" "Really" he says gothifically. We get out and wander into the forest. He pins me against the wall. "Omg are we gonna do a sex" he laughs and smiles bwfore putting his thing in my thing and-

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

We stop and look up. It was.... Chuck? The weird guy? "Ur not supposed to be doing this dean! I have a headache" i look at him sadly, poor weird guy. Dean stops and says "chuck i know you wamt me but my heart belongs to enoby" chuck looks angry "no not you dean, her" i gasp. Dean looks angry "all this time i could have been with cas?" Chuck looks sad. "No the cw was too homophobic, you cant be balls deep in your angel. Not right now. You cant be balls deep in her either, she's mine" i stop. "Who even r u" i ask "i am god" i laugh at him. Dean looks at me and confirms. "Oh my god" i say deprezzedly. "No its chuck" says dean.

Suddenly Sam runs through the trees being chased by his gothelganger jared padaleski. Chuck gets angry and shoots the annoying guy. "Thank you" says same before he stops and says "chuck? stop trying to fucj my brother. When his gay love for cas reached through the veil of death and saved the day even though cas actually stayed dead.into superhell because of the evil cw it turned him gothic he's too goffic for you" chuck sighed and said "i know its not.him i want."

I stop and realize.that dean winchester and god are fighting over me. Same looks and says "wait, i hear someone else in the trees." As we all looked and waited and staired in comes... Bonby and.. Cas? But i thought cas was dead? Bonby speaks "here is the man who killed the cw sniper.. He has something to say" i look at him gothically "i am not your "cas" i am his gothelganger misha collins" i gasp. He says something about killing god and makes some metaphor about how he killed the cw sniper cw is god wharever i don't care but then.... Misha collins gave me a gun!! I wasn't.really listening to him, i was too busy thinking depressing thoughts and.i yell "im not killing dean u weirdo i lobe him!!!" Bonby looks at me and starts "you idjit" but then stops as one more person comes through the trees. It was jensen ankles!! "Jensen ankles??" Dean says "i don't want a gothelganger that.isn't goffic" Jensen replies "i will be soon, i need to reach through the veil of death for my own gay love" and he ... Shoots god??? "That's what i wanted you to do" mischa says before kissing jensen gothically depressedly i look and see dean looking jealous so i go and kiss him "im better than your gay angel anyway" and he agrees and then same and bonby are looking at each other depressedly and start clapping.

Prepz don't hate.on mah story okay??

#i love bonby #thankyou for bonby #he is the man of my dreams #and for the word gothelganger😔 #how will any literary masterpiece compare #im dying😭😭😭 #spn #emo boy dean winchester you mean the world #and to y/n

[fififeelsmellow]

love changes you, in the end, I will not recognise the shape that I am

[fififeelsmellow]

Rainer Maria Rilke, The Dark Interval: Letters on Loss, Grief, and Transformation

[fififeelsmellow]

*I love it when he fails and messes things up, but sometimes it's too much.

Cas haters will be eaten alive (i.e. blocked) if they leave negative comments about Cas.

#cw i will eat your grandma #they did castiel so wrong #i didnt realise i had so much anger over it until ..this #UGH #supernatural #castiel

[fififeelsmellow]

hey did you know??? that if you stop stretching and maintaining mobility in your body then it goes away?? things get tight and you can't move the way that you used to??? and when you decide to try getting a stretch routine going that the first week fucking sucks because you keep going 'damn i used to be able to do this no problem' and then you have to switch gears and be kind to yourself and just focus on getting better from here instead of berating yourself for dropping the good habits in the first place??? and your body never stops aging so you gotta keep taking care of it and sometimes you gotta take care of it extra in certain areas because of things that happened when you were younger and it's boring and sometimes hurts but it's so necessary???

i am yelling this at myself right now i am going through An Experience (trying to get into a routine of body maintenance again for my physical and mental health)

[fififeelsmellow]

Do you have any recs for beginners who want to write poetry? I love your blog so much!

there's a list of starter poetry recommendations for reading poetry here. For writing poetry I would recommend essays and nonfiction by poets: Upstream by Mary Oliver, Still Life with Lemons by Mark Doty, Now and Then: The Poet's Choice Columns by Robert Hass. If there are specific poets you like and admire, I would read their interviews to see how they themselves approach poetry and writing. I would also subscribe to Devin Kelly's Ordinary Plots substack, Padraig Ó'Tuama's Poetry Unbound (substack and podcast), and the On Being podcast's interviews with poets. There's also this section on The Poetry Society of America which features poets and writers interacting with either their own work, other's work, or simply discussing different aspects of writing and experiencing poetry.

I would also recommend really familiarising yourself with the technical aspects of poetry: poetic structures, rhyming schemes, language and all its textures etc., because those are the essential building blocks more than anything else. Practice writing poems following established formats: try your hand at an abcderian poem, or a sonnet, or a tanka, or a villanelle--the structural limitations are a good way to force yourself to really think about what you want to say and how you want to say it.

At the end of the day, the most important thing if you want to write is to read widely, and read often--and practice and practice and practice again. Learning to write anything is like training a muscle and you have to train and work it consistently. Hope this helps and best of luck with your writing endeavours anon 🤍

[fififeelsmellow]

trailers are nothing to me anymore like ohhh dramatic music big title card whatever. if it's worth watching then the gay people in my phone will tell me

[fififeelsmellow]

[fififeelsmellow]

Making a weighted velvet baikal seal plushie :3

Head and tail end are stuffed w ultra plush fiber fill and the bulk of the body is packed full of weighted pellets that have a nice crunchy sound when you squeeze it. Not weighed yet, but it feels between 1.5 - 2lbs?

[fififeelsmellow]

buck accidentally flirting with a man for an entire episode then being surprised when he gets kissed. proceeding to go on the entire next episode insisting he's an ally. accidentally coming out to his sister by dropping the wrong pronoun. accidentally coming out to everyone else by kissing his sooty boyfriend and coming into the room with evidence of the crime all over his face. every single step of this storyline has been the most in character it could possibly be.

#evan buckley the man you are!!!! #evan buckley #911 abc

[fififeelsmellow]

im a blorbo apologist but also they did every bad thing they did and i will get mad if u ignore that. complexities

[fififeelsmellow]

#What a year this week has been

[fififeelsmellow]

MONKEY MAN (2024)

[fififeelsmellow]

I actually need to learn how to argue😔Should I make a new twitter acc?

😔😔

#the stupidity makes me give up explaining #but i need to explain/argue to learn new communication skills #i need to to throw hands(in words) [i can definitely fight well but ill cry after it] #what do i even tag this #?? #arguing!

[fififeelsmellow]

Derry girls reminds me so much of that diary entry that was like “brad wouldn’t talk to me at lunch today ugh! Man landed on moon”

#derry girls

[fififeelsmellow]

smartphone storage plateauing in favor of just storing everything in the cloud is such dogshit. i should be able to have like a fucking terabyte of data on my phone at this point. i hate the fucking cloud