freefromfearforever

[freefromfearforever]

Future Days

I see the ruins of Rome...walking amongst the creation of a people who lived so long ago, still standing today...the Parthenon and Acropolis of Athens, Greece....feet slapping the ground where thousands made their home, their livelihood in an age so far past....making friends I've never met before in foreign lands...sitting down over Turkish coffee and discussing life and love and political events... Collectively raising a toast to God in countries I've never set foot in...yet.... I have over the past months been overwhelmed with waking dreams of lands full of mystery and history...feeling the energy of souls long lost and laid in the ground....standing in churches magnificent in their architecture, frescos and murals....drinking wine or ale in pubs hundreds of years older than our own country...drinking in the history, the lives and loves set out in examples before us if only we have the ears to hear, the eyes to see....

One day...I will set foot and walk paths walked by Jesus and His disciples....ride a camel across a dry land so different from ours, greet women and men that live a faith rooted in a millennia of such worship, hardship and experience...my own faith pales before it... "There are no strangers here, only friends you haven't met yet” William Butler Yeats

This past week I had the opportunity to meet a group of coworkers from other cities/towns and sit over a cold, hard tea beer with heat hazed mountains as a backdrop. After a long day of climbing one of those mountains and the consequent slide/hike down...the cooler patio air and cold drink and good conversation revived and rejuvenated body and spirit.   I took in the buzzing of a dozen voices...the laughter and chatter...the murmurs of other patrons...observed the interaction between one of my crew and other provincial crew members she felt she could never talk to, interact with, felt awkward with....and smiled, incredibly content. We had chatted about this just hours earlier...a life lesson complete with just a few words of encouragement.... God is good...truly. Despite many differences...common ground can be found...a healthy respect for the uniqueness of each person...a love for others that transmutes, that carries across....each of us made connections that day...though we may never talk with those particular crew members again, each one of us learned something of others we did not know before and opened ourselves to growth, to an enlarging of the mind and heart for others no matter what walk of life they may trek.  

Today...I know deep within that God has a plan for me...just for me...as He does for you, just for you....each of us bring talents, characteristics, traits and foibles to the table that no one else could...we are, each of us, unique and created for a distinctive path... Today...I see the goodness of a God who orders my path, my steps...and I trust, I love, I stand rooted in the present, ready to move, to live....to experience all that this life has to offer....I see abundance, I see a life full of miracles and moments so large they overtake any pain from the past, any sorrows still hanging on... Life....life is possible dear hearts....a life of joy, of love, of grand possibilities and miracles, of a fulfilling of hopes and dreams....a fruition of work and drive.... I wondered....many times I wondered what there could be for me....the feeling of walking a foreign land amongst familiar landscapes, amongst known highways and roadways...a foreigner in my own land....oh yes, I wondered as I know you do too my friends....you wonder what there is for you now, broken and lost....that/this, is not your future...it is only the beginning of a path meant to drop, discard and defeat the demons riding upon your weary shoulders. The winding, the circling, the faltering, the flailing, the drowning....oh dear friends, it ALL comes to an end just round the next bend, over that dusty old. mountain....one day you will wake to a great lessening, to a grand alleviating, to a massive attentuation of the weight of the worlds you have been carrying upon your person, upon your spirit....you will no longer stand bent as an old crone, no!...you will stand up straight and tall....you will breathe free air again....you will soak it in, bathe in the glory of a knowledge no one will ever take from you again.... Do you see the strength within you dear hearts? Do you feel the promise of a future built upon hardships few will ever know or understand? I see you....I see you standing with hinds feet in high places, surveying the land below with God-given pride, with a light so bright you must stand apart so as not to blind.... I see you standing tall, standing proud, with dignity and grace speaking your truth...with confidence walking your own path, no one else's....I see you standing in a group, holding hands in a gathering of others who have walked a similar path of destruction, of greedy hands and mouths stealing your joy, your essence....It is time, is it not my friends? Time to speak on matters swept under the rug for years, for generations....time to break those generational lies, ties and hidden truths....Time to speak.... I pray for your discernment as you make your way out...for your protection as you find your way to freedom and a life full of joy, love and kept promises.... I pray for your continued strength, though it may feel small and insignificant...it is there, though shining small...it shines and will grow brighter to light your path. I pray for your eyes to see, your ears to hear....and the courage to accept the truth of your situation. This is not easy...it is excruciatingly hard to accept, to know that the one you love does not love you the way you need, the way you love...who feels the need to hurt, to maim, to take rather than give....remember this one thing; you are loved, needed, necessary and seen as you are, right now...broken down and so low you feel as though you are crawling through the mud, the muck, the filth...daily, moment by moment.   Right there....oh dear friends...right there is where God is, crawling with you...speaking to your heart, whispering words of love and grace...declaring new life, new hope over you.... You are not alone...never alone....rise dear hurting ones...rise to what God has for you....rise and walk...loved, cherished, needed....always.

May God walk with you this day, and every day....May He light the way, illuminating a path through the darkest of hells, the blackest of nights...

[freefromfearforever]

Stay...

There's going to be days when you just don't want to be here anymore. You just STAY. You fucking stay. Somewhere out there, somebody needs your voice. I promise. I swear to God, your laughter is someone's saving grace. Hold on tight, baby. The sun is coming for you.' Eric Van Vuren.

Sipping coffee this morning, enjoying the cool rain-kissed air flowing through my windows, I came across this quote while clearing out old downloads.....there have been times I needed to read this short blurb, reminding myself of my worth.

The lie that creeps across the landscape of our minds, filling every crack and crevice with filth is that we are alone and worse...unnecessary...unneeded...forgotten...

Spending time with those who see you, value you...love you for who you are in each moment, in each season, tethers you to the here and now. Taking time with the ones who give you the space to be YOU, who create a safe place within their circle...within their hearts and minds, keeps your head above water...unknowingly holding you, reminding you of who you are to them...and it is enough.

For every dark thought that springs forth in the messy folds of your brain...that whispers in your ear that you are unworthy...a fraud...useless and no longer needed......for every one of these barriers and roadblocks to living life to the fullest, that loved one showcases a million little reasons to stay...to just fucking stay...to smile despite the tears, to find joy in the face of overwhelming sorrow, to laugh in delight and dispel the darkness that shrouds the heart, the mind, the spirit....

I struggle to find words to describe my thankfulness and gratitude for the unconditional love expressed, shown and walked out in truth from these few genuine souls.

This dear friends is what saves....this is what will enable the trauma laden hearts to step out on the path of life instead of off the path, into despair. No matter how long, how far...no matter how many times they choose to go back to that cesspool of lies....reflect on the times on your own path you were shown patience, kindness and long-suffering and extend those same virtues to someone in need.

Those killing words of 'your triggers are not my problem,' are harbingers of death, of cold hearts and colder emotions. If not our problem, then whose?

'If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a ringing gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have absolute faith so as to move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.…' 1 Corinthians 13

If I speak to a friend, a stranger, a co-worker and something I say has the affect, the ability to hurt, to trigger a memory of harsh and horrific times...it is with a sense of responsibility and love that I would seek forgiveness and a change in behaviour to avoid causing pain.

And so I encourage you dear hearts to extend kindness, to extend compassion and love to all we come in contact with for it costs us nothing but personal growth and is it not our aim to grow in character as we live this short life? It is gone in the blink of an eye....

Stay dear hearts....stay....you may not know how much you matter to someone, how much you are loved...how much your smile lights the room and the hearts of those around you.

Wherever you are, whether surviving day to day in the nightmare or away and living each day in search of your purpose here on this earth....you matter...you are important...you are loved....

That far away glimmer of light you see is the promise of new beginnings...of fresh life full of joy and laughter....meant for YOU and only you...God has a purpose just for you....He walks with you; swims with you in the darkest of depths, climbs that massively formed mega-mountain with you...carrying you in your weakest moments, cradling you close and whispering His unending love for you, His delight in you.

Do not give up dear broken and lost...for while we may feel lost and too broken and damaged to be any good, the very opposite is truth that resides within you, if only you look hard enough. There is life, there is bountiful life waiting for you just round that next bend, round that next hill....steadfast and brave is who you are....plot your course and hold fast and true. You've got this...inch by inch, foot by foot....moment by moment you move forward to a newness and fullness of life, to healing and love for the woman (man) you were created to be. You, my dear hurting hearts, are worthy of all that is good and lovely....

I pray for your walk, for your unique path up and out of the wilderness...

I pray for extraordinary strength in the face of the enemy that would seek to destroy, to debilitate, to bring death to your dreams....

I pray for wisdom and clarity when confusion comes in like a black cloud...

I pray for the grace to accept that which you cannot change...

Go with God today and know your worth dear friends. Walk tall, walk proud, walk with confidence knowing you are not alone, never alone and loved beyond measure.

Loved....wanted...necessary...needed.... always.

[freefromfearforever]

Faith...

Faith comes hard some days....or rather the strength to keep that faith bar up high...I am tired today; mentally, emotionally, physically. I see that it is not my faith that runs low, but my ability to believe that I am able. Able to do exceedingly, to give all that I have and have it not be enough...again....

This is the true worry. I am being taken out of my comfort zone, thus facing each day with a smile can be a challenge when at times I hear nothing but the cruel words from the past. Dear friends I write these words today to encourage you to have faith...faith that God has placed you exactly where you should be...faith that nothing is impossible when you believe...and trust, trust the one who is ever present.

This previous tiny two-paragraph excerpt was from yesterday morning....fearful of not being able to handle the work set before me, not intelligent enough...not enough. Such lies....still present, hidden in the shadows just waiting to whisper poison in weak moments...in times of vulnerability and loneliness. Today over my cup of heaven I felt the need to just sip and sit...and listen. Listen to the One who made us all so beautifully, so creatively. Not one of us are the same...oh yes, there are similarities, traits that draw us to one another but we each one of us view the world through our own eyes, through our own experiences...through our own lenses. While some peoples lenses may be distorted by the need for gratification at any cost, most are kind, compassionate and accepting.

I see this everyday....in my small bubble here in this tiny town I have been welcomed and accepted by so many. Yes...there are the occasional who look askance at my personality and need for laughter and joy, but they are few and far between. I have come to practice being me...and yet, no that's not quite right is it dear hearts? Just yesterday while working outside in the beauty of a Recreation Site I came to the startling realization that I am still working out who it is exactly that I am...the one standard I have been holding to is speaking truth...kindly and quietly but standing on that as firmly and concretely as possible in every situation, while I work out who it is I am becoming after this experience.

One thing I know...as I thanked God this morning for His presence in my life, crying tears of thankfulness and gratitude for His provision...Everywhere I go, there He is...I carry Him in my Heart, in my Mind, Spirit, Soul....

I believe I will never be the same child, woman, individual I was before....as things knit together inside, forming bright pink scar tissue, the true woman will emerge...clean and whole and full of promise. Better...stronger...carrying a big stick but speaking softly with dignity and grace.

Dear dear friends...it is within us, this strength. We may not always feel it, quite the opposite in fact, but it is there...waiting to be tapped into. A bottomless well provided by God....dip into the waters of life, draw strength from the clear waters where no doubts exist, no fears dare to follow...the entrance guarded by mighty Angels...for you, for me.

Every moment of every day I pull from this place of safety and love....for every tear that leaks out, trickles down your skin..it is.replaced with an everlasting source of Love, of compassion and strength. God sees you dear hearts, He sees your brokenness, your faltering feet upon the path and His heart weeps with you. You were never meant for harsh things, brutal times, blatant abuses....You are meant for love, for joy unceasing....you are Loved absolutely, every part of you.

Go in God's favour today...lift your face to the sun and rejoice for this is not the end of your story..oh no, there is so much waiting for you on the other side of that mountain, out of that pit you have been thrown into repeatedly...rest...that is what I have been hearing for some time now...rest...rest in Him and find your strength once again.

[freefromfearforever]

Dreams...

I dreamed a dream....a tumultuous emotionally charged dream of such epic reality that I woke with heart in throat, with sorrow and sadness lingering at the edges of my my mind, my heart, my spirit, my soul laid down in momentary defeat. Like on the battlefield, wounded and bleeding I fall to the ground and allow myself a moment to rest, to heal, to call out to God... asking for the comfort of my mothers arms if only for a brief minute.

Today is a day of work set in close proximity to the man from my past...I can rationalize, use the cognitive, logical brain cells to ferret out the 'why' I was drowning in memories mish-mashed together in my dreams, however, I cannot pull the emotions out and examine them as easily. I sorely wish I could say that my heart has been mended, has grown a tough skin....despite the swift passage of time since that fateful day of exodus, for me the feelings of love and connection were very real...for him, I truly do not believe it was real...I was a stop gap, a comfortable worn-in shoe while the gaze roved, moved, searched, sought out more.

In the words of Giannis, a MVP NBA player on the defeat during playoffs, asked of the failure to win....'it is not failure, it is steps to success.' There is no failure, only growth in understanding, in forgiveness, only steps to successfully living life as large as I can, wringing joy from every moment...giving love and compassion in every step, every word, every gesture.

Grow, dear hearts....let the tears fall and water the soil you stand in, stand on...with every falter, with every gasp of pain, with every moment of calling out to God to release you from this torment...strength is gained and grows in leaps and bounds every time you push up off of the ground to stand once more, to walk unsteadily but walking out your truth all the same...

You are loved...

You are important...

You matter....

Believe in better things to come...believe in the goodness of God and His love for you that has no expiration date, no measure of success or failure...only all-encompassing Love and grace for His glorious creation...you...you are His best achievement, His best of all things created...you.

Go today in grace for the slightly broken, slightly torn up woman (or man) you are and know that this is not all there is for you. This is not where it ends for you...Oh no, there is so much more...so much in store for you and me...financial abundance, a truest of Loves...and a joy like we've never experienced to match and top the sorrow we've known. I believe this with all my heart dear friends....

Go now and walk tall, walk proud...hold that pretty head high and see the good that God has for you. You are loved.

[freefromfearforever]

Spring...

Spring is in the air...and in my step....

This morning for the first time in a long time, after the initial fear and dread upon waking at 0430, I felt an excitement for the near future. Oh...I still have hurdles to jump, no...crawl over...and rivers to cross but I finally feel an excitement for the future.

Old things are being left behind, drop-kicked to the curb...facing forward I take in some deep breaths and sense a shift within...like the shifting of gears, slipping into place...at the moment perhaps there is grinding...clunking instead of well-oiled sliding into proper grooves...but it is shifting, it is movement...clarity and calmness are slowly returning.

But the path of the just is as the shining light, That shineth more and more unto the perfect day. Proverbs 4:18

Dear hearts...it does get better....instead of everyday feeling as though the weight of the worlds pressing down on your chest, it ever so slowly recedes into the darkness where it belongs...where it should reside with the evil that pressed you down into the pit, flattening your view of the universe, narrowing it until all you could see was their flame, their light guiding the way...into more and into less.

Less love...less financial security....less choices... More shaming and blaming...more sorrow and sadness.

Amidst the sporadic moments of laughter and lightness....poison, meant to harm and debilitate....crumbs laid to lead you into complacency, into obedience.

Isn't it time you believed in you again? Believed in the good in the world...

Isn't it time you healed and found yourself whole once more? You are worthy of peace..of calm adult conversations with resolution...

Isn't it time you believed in something more than the space you occupy to only satisfy the person in your life? You are worthy of respect...worthy of being heard and seen...worthy.

Live large survivors...live large. Life is all too short...too short to continue in a space that only allows living small, living huddled within yourself.

Speak softly...walk with grace and dignity....but speak. Speak your truth...

#speak your truth #joy

[freefromfearforever]

Days Go By...

Mondays....the past two days I have been awakening with a jolt at the ungodly hour of four am.....dreams, nightmares...lingering in the memory banks like wisps of fog, tendrils reaching out to touch the mind with flashes of people, places and strange meanings. With a small gasp of breath the covers are thrown back, feet hit the ground, sweaty nightshirt thrown to the laundry basket as I attempt to forget and remember from one breath to the next.

I remind myself that dreams are just that...dreams. Flashes of light, flashes of dark with no hold on the real world. Pain...heartache...a fight to overcome...fading as I walk about performing the comfort of morning rituals.

God is able...

"And God is ABLE to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work" (2 Cor.9:8).

I have a plan this morning...plans keep me grounded, masking the need for anxiety, for worry. With two new jobs in place and two offers on the table for contemplation...my life is once more on the track of movement, of doing, of being something other than a survivor.

The healing journey continues...the working at a dream, a goal...continues. But life awaits in the interim. Some days...I wonder how I'll make it...until I remember I have never been alone...God has provided, always. And this time in my life is no different...my faith sustains me...the love of family upholds me...the kindness and compassion of friends and family motivates me...a smile from a stranger, a kind word of grace and humility move me to tears of thankfulness and gratitude...

I am constantly shown and reminded that there are good people in this world...in my small corner of it.

I am consistently reminded that I am worthy as I am.

I am rewarded each and every time I step out despite my fear, despite my anxiety; rewarded with growth, rewarded with an uplifting of my spirits, rewarded with firmer ground to tread upon.

When I step out in faith and ignore the voices screaming in my mind to huddle in and wait out the storm...when I accept that invitation to the monthly poker game, when I agree to joining a ball team...I join the human race once again, ignoring the echo of a voice telling me I'm no good, useless...and I stand a little taller, walk a little prouder, speak a little more...and I breathe in deeper, cleaner....the breath of freedom singing in my veins is foreign yet so familiar, so comfortable; like an old, worn out shirt...that old pair of slippers you just can't throw out....just sliding your feet into those old slippers gives a comfort you had forgotten you needed like the flowers need the sun, need the rain. And you begin to breathe again...truly for the first time in what seems years....years....

God is good...and able to supply all you need...all you need do is to accept the gift...to take that step out of the pit of peril, to ignore the fulminating fear sitting on your shoulder telling you its not safe...you're not ready...

More lies dear heart, coming from your own corrupted mind....what is up, what is down...

Move forward...one inch at a time if that is what it takes to begin the journey of a lifetime, to begin the dream that is you....you are worthy...worth a lifetime of laughter, of joy, of grace and mercy, of kindnesses that send you to tears, of compassion that encompasses ALL of you...every bit of you.

Take it in dear lost souls, lost and hurting hearts and minds....take in the breath of freedom, the breath of love sweeping in from on high, from all around you...it lives and breathes IN you, awaiting your release from fear, from the perils of this world. It awaits your choice...your courage to step out and away, to step into a new life of love and dreams fulfilled.

God keep you today...May He make His face to shine upon you this day, and everyday forward. May He wrap His mighty arms around you and give you comfort where you are.

#lies #deception #healing from trauma

[freefromfearforever]

Days Go By...

Mondays....the past two days I have been awakening with a jolt at the ungodly hour of four am.....dreams, nightmares...lingering in the memory banks like wisps of fog, tendrils reaching out to touch the mind with flashes of people, places and strange meanings. With a small gasp of breath the covers are thrown back, feet hit the ground, sweaty nightshirt thrown to the laundry basket as I attempt to forget and remember from one breath to the next.

I remind myself that dreams are just that...dreams. Flashes of light, flashes of dark with no hold on the real world. Pain...heartache...a fight to overcome...fading as I walk about performing the comfort of morning rituals.

God is able...

"And God is ABLE to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work" (2 Cor.9:8).

I have a plan this morning...plans keep me grounded, masking the need for anxiety, for worry. With two new jobs in place and two offers on the table for contemplation...my life is once more on the track of movement, of doing, of being something other than a survivor.

The healing journey continues...the working at a dream, a goal...continues. But life awaits in the interim. Some days...I wonder how I'll make it...until I remember I have never been alone...God has provided, always. And this time in my life is no different...my faith sustains me...the love of family upholds me...the kindness and compassion of friends and family motivates me...a smile from a stranger, a kind word of grace and humility move me to tears of thankfulness and gratitude...

I am constantly shown and reminded that there are good people in this world...in my small corner of it.

I am consistently reminded that I am worthy as I am.

I am rewarded each and every time I step out despite my fear, despite my anxiety; rewarded with growth, rewarded with an uplifting of my spirits, rewarded with firmer ground to tread upon.

When I step out in faith and ignore the voices screaming in my mind to huddle in and wait out the storm...when I accept that invitation to the monthly poker game, when I agree to joining a ball team...I join the human race once again, ignoring the echo of a voice telling me I'm no good, useless...and I stand a little taller, walk a little prouder, speak a little more...and I breathe in deeper, cleaner....the breath of freedom singing in my veins is foreign yet so familiar, so comfortable; like an old, worn out shirt...that old pair of slippers you just can't throw out....just sliding your feet into those old slippers gives a comfort you had forgotten you needed like the flowers need the sun, need the rain. And you begin to breathe again...truly for the first time in what seems years....years....

God is good...and able to supply all you need...all you need do is to accept the gift...to take that step out of the pit of peril, to ignore the fulminating fear sitting on your shoulder telling you its not safe...you're not ready...

More lies dear heart, coming from your own corrupted mind....what is up, what is down...

Move forward...one inch at a time if that is what it takes to begin the journey of a lifetime, to begin the dream that is you....you are worthy...worth a lifetime of laughter, of joy, of grace and mercy, of kindnesses that send you to tears, of compassion that encompasses ALL of you...every bit of you.

Take it in dear lost souls, lost and hurting hearts and minds....take in the breath of freedom, the breath of love sweeping in from on high, from all around you...it lives and breathes IN you, awaiting your release from fear, from the perils of this world. It awaits your choice...your courage to step out and away, to step into a new life of love and dreams fulfilled.

God keep you today...May He make His face to shine upon you this day, and everyday forward. May He wrap His mighty arms around you and give you comfort where you are.

#moving forward #God Keep You

[freefromfearforever]

Sword Fight...

David brought a rock to a sword fight...' some days I am swamped with emotions of being that small-ish boy who went out to fight the undefeated giant...the King of that time was Massimo Serato(Abner) and feared David, his position, his kindness, his wisdom, and so set out to see him destroyed by the one opponent sure to crush him beneath his boot.

When all seems lost...when the opponent seems insurmountable and as large as a mountain and just as hard...God steps in.

I'm not completely sure why I am surprised by the chaos of emotions, the insuperable fears, the lingering laments...every minute of every day the healing continues, rises to the surface to be scrutinized, to be sifted and scanned. Good moments do not mean that the healing has been completed...most unfortunate.

Within a safe space yesterday, I confessed that my life was about to become quite busy and this stuff...this leftover garbage...this dross...needs to go. One and done.....sayonara...arrivederci...

Its comical this morning...worth a chuckle over my naïveté regarding my own heart...

Healing is a journey.... this is what the learned peoples speak of, through years of experience dealing with the hurting, the broken, the lost.

There is no point A to point B....and congratulations, you have arrived at your healing goalpost.

No... it is a meandering, winding, climbing, falling path. Fraught with tears and frustration...fraught with punishing pain and crushing despair....

Kindnesses and compassion....unadulterated acceptance and love....this...THIS is the key.

From ourselves to ourselves...from friends...from family...and surprisingly from strangers...

There is no right way to healing, no right way finding your personal path back to life, liberty and love.

Your path will not follow mine....and mine will look nothing like yours....except where love and patience are concerned. Be patient with yourself dear friends...be patient.

In all my years on this planet I have never leaked tears...cried out...as I have these past weeks. It has been a progression and as time makes its merry way through the universe I cry more; as I allow the memories to surface, as I allow my pain and my part to create shadows in my mind...only then will the clouds open...only then will the winds of change blow through and take with it the fog, the chaos, the anguish...allowing the bright light of day back in.

I begin to grasp the enormity of the task and while I quake and tremble, I take that step into the here, into the now that will release me from my past and from the ties that bind.

With this understanding comes compassion for the journey that many are on and may never step off of...diluted with drugs, with alcohol, with whatever vice taken up to dull the pain, to dull the torture within the mind.

I would ask for the tortured, the lost souls living in agony every minute of everyday...kindness and compassion. We do not always know their story but they have one...and it is theirs to hold and hopefully through love and compassion, one day release.

There is a way...it hurts...it is painful....like picking off that scab...poking and prodding that break, that sprain, that gash, that laceration....growing pains hurt, they ache...

'Here there be dragons' to slay...but on the other side lies freedom and everything we have ever wanted...love of a magical kind...kindness abounding...joy in the morning....

Freedom....free from fear and loathing...free from lies...free from constant sorrow....

And as we grow and learn to deal with the pains of this life, each sorrow, each sadness is accepted and released as it comes...not hoarded and encased within....

Accepted...Felt...acknowledged....and released.

God keep you this day and everyday forward...May He make a way for you, to find that peace...that hope of a life free of fear...it is there awaiting your steps...

I am proud of you today...for standing tall, for walking proud....

Look...just look at how FAR you've come! Stay the course dear hearts, you have grown so much...gained such ground! Good things await you...the best of a life full of promise and possibility.

Nothing is impossible with God...nothing. Now walk it out, speak your truth and take that step, no matter how small....you are capable, able and wise.

#fight #God keep you #freedom

[freefromfearforever]

Love...

Love...

Logic says...run...

Logic says...hide...turtle...deflect...protect...guard...

Love defies all logic, does it not?

Love says...hope...

Love says...believe...

Love says...rise again and give love...mete out love where you can...

Love says...proffer acceptance and compassion...kindness...long-suffering...

We are but a vessel...a vessel filled with the Love of the Father...blessed at birth with a wealth of love too big to house in our tiny bodies...we smile, we laugh...we love...

'Grief is love with nowhere to go...' (Three Pines)

We live...oh how we live...we take in every pleasure, wring every drop from experiences...live for the next joyful moment....our joy is infinitely tied to our sorrow.

The amount of joy we feel is tied to the amount of sorrow, sadness and grief we have lived with.

The highs...oh, the lows....the depths to which we as a singular species can descend is overwhelmingly profound.

The lesson...the lesson is in learning to release the grief, release the despair and sorrow that weights each step with concrete...

Releasing....accepting.....coming to terms with the loss of a loved one...through the passing away, through the heartache of a break-up, the leaving behind the one you love knowing you can no longer live with the pain of abuse...the pain of loving someone more than they love you.

Possibility lays on the horizon...hope over the top of that mountain...love on the other side of that wide, wide valley strewn with the bones of the past, littered with the recriminations and refuse of regret, of sorrow.

Love...again...one day this will all seem like a bad dream...a horrible nightmare that leaves you sweaty, gasping for air....each dissipating in the warm light of dawn, dispersing in fragments of colour filling the sky....

It is impossible to believe such beautiful hearts, damaged though they may be, could ever ever deny love in all its beauty, grandeur and joy-filled gooey moments.

No...dear hearts, dear friends....as far as the East is from the West, so too shall this be removed from you. This pain...this sorrow...shall pass.

Your future is not written...yet...your present is where you live and love and breathe...with each breath you grow stronger...mightier...

You, my friends, are warriors and capable of creating a future bright with promise...brightened by the love you give out and elevated by the love you take in...

You....are....loved...as you are. Hug that small child, smile at that sad stranger, deliver that kind word to the woman standing in line....and watch your strength grow, see your grace and dignity rise from the depths...

You are loved, you gloriously capable creatures...loved for who you are, right now... right here in the place you stand. Oh, I know...the place you stand may look so incredibly desolate, empty, dry as dust...but look around you once more as the minutes, the hours, the days creep by...see the green shoots pushing through rocky ground seeking sustenance...let it rain, let the tears fall and water the ground you stand on...this is healing ground, holy and hallowed. And it is yours...yours to water, to nurse along and take joy in, as you see the damaged foundations of your soul, spirit and body spring to life once again.

Oh yes...I see it...even in the midst of sorrow I see the growth...I turn in slow circles and observe all that God has done; all that the many drops and deposits of love and healing rain of tears has accomplished...and it is good.

Love....again...

I'll return to love And risk it all Per regalarti un mondo And I'll return to love E resterò Per costruire un sogno One more time Who cares about the past? Who knows about tomorrow? L'amore è adesso And maybe this won't last Maybe this moment's all we have Let's find out And though I'm still afraid You're worth a leap of faith

Andrea Bocelli/Ellie Goulding

You...yes you...you are worth the leap of faith...and though it may lead to sorrow, you will know that you were brave enough, wise enough to accept that which you cannot change and to take another chance on living life to the fullest. Always....

[freefromfearforever]

Like Home...

It felt like home...like my soul had finally found its home.....

Trauma bonding...mind-fuckery...whatever you wish to call it, there is something in them that calls to your very soul...and you feel found, seen, loved.

The pain of the break is thinking that perhaps they found their home in you too, that something within you called as strongly as theirs did to you.

Perhaps I will one day change my thoughts on this but I truly believe that they do find that place of hope, of peace, of love.

Safety....acceptance...Love...

The difference is this...where we found a home in their soul and invited them in to ours...they kicked that feeling of peace and contentment to the curb, barred and locked the doors and hung out a sign....'no welcome here.'

We ignore the dismissal, the rejection and try again and again and again, for that glimpse of home, of peace....of a place like no other until the burden of proof piles up so high that you are forced to accept the heartache, the pain of rejection and ejection from a place you thought and hoped and believed was real.

Vulnerability is the enemy...Love a path full of landmines and probable heartache.

Lonely and alone, they alternately push you away and pull you close...chaotic misery.

You weren't wrong to love my friends...it is never wrong to give love...it is a gift to be treasured. The wrong is continuing to love someone who is very clearly rejecting that love and refusing to uphold promises. Actions...mean everything. Words...nothing.

It is a script they have practiced upon many...you are not the first and will not be the last.

We, so badly, wish to stand out...to be the one, the only...

We so badly want them to see us as they did in the beginning..to know that within this heart and soul and spirit lies hope for a future...lays a priceless treasure unlike any other.

It sounds preposterous... time reveals this to be true.

Insanity lays within this thought process for someone so steeped in protective measures...so steeped in hurting the one they love and loves them.

The more love you bring, the harder they fight and kick against the pricks...

The love you bring frightens and dislodges their psyche...

you see...they are not used to real love...real respect...true care and attention is as foreign to them as Latin.

And so begins the battle...to control and dominate that which they cannot understand.

And so begins the mission to fill the gaping hole in their unappeasable soul.

Love...forgiveness...compassion...kindness....will never be found in a world full of deceit and exploitation.

They wish for love....but do not know how to process it.

They wish for love...but have no idea what that truly means..

They wish for love...but view it as the enemy...see it as a soldier would view the advancing enemy; with fear, with trembling, and with resolve to conquer, to vanquish.

Our hope, our salvation lies only in finding our way out of the waging of war and into peace...into loving ourselves enough to believe we are worthy of more, worthy of a true love.

[freefromfearforever]

Don't Look Back...

Dreams...disjointed and ephemeral...

Nightmares...crisp...clear and precise...

For every action as Newton theorizes...'His third law states that for every action (force) in nature there is an equal and opposite reaction. If object A exerts a force on object B, object B also exerts an equal and opposite force on object A.'

Every choice...every action creates a ripple, a riffle, a pucker in the fabric of life...ours and others, seen and unseen.

Calm mind...controlled emotions...fear and anger used for good; guided by a quirk of fate and timing...

It may seem that we are unwelcome stowaways on a storm-tossed voyage, pitched this way and that by the fury of the elements, when in fact we are guided by a firm and steady hand at the Helm....let the storm rage, let the waves of life push and pull and tilt the vessel for we stand firm on a rudder that uses the motion of the ocean to steer our course through.

Every moment of triumph bolsters...every little bit of forward momentum a building block to success and a life of purpose.

I face forward after a quick peek back...and resolve to never look back again. All that lays behind us dear hearts are reminders of 'why' you stand where you do today.

Some days I find that I need the jolt, the quick breath of disbelief for how far I've come. In doing so, I may open myself to pain and heartache...the treasure hidden amongst the garbage, is the strength gained to survive....

See resolve, determination and perseverance grow from the ashes of love unreciprocated....the lifting of the burden of questions never answered...the closure of a wound no longer open, and a releasing of the need for validation.

We are all we need for validation, for closure, for an understanding of the past. Dear Hearts, you hold within you all the necessary tools for life, for overcoming, for persevering...

Oh, I know...it hurts, it aches and at times feels insurmountable...let it come my friends...let it well up inside and make its way out of your soul to fly on the winds of compassion, of a Love that surrounds and encompasses...free once more to be you, accepted and loved as you are, right now...right here...right in the mess...accepted...loved.

Face forward now dear friends...and see what bounty awaits you...

Stand tall....walk proud...and speak your truth. You are worthy of being heard, worthy of all that is good and lovely.

Go with God today and everyday....and remember 'all things are possible to him who believes...' Mark 9:23

'He is risen...' Matthew 28...for us, for our freedom, for our sins. We can shed the sorrow, shed the shame, the blame...and stand in joy and awe at the works of His hands.

We stand as warriors today, together....in Him all is possible.

We stand and accept Love as fact...we too, deserve all that is good and kind...and the best of all, a magical kind of love.

[freefromfearforever]

God is saying...

I am coming....I have so much for you...

rest in me... I am going to do everything....everything

rest in me....

yes you...

I love you...you....

Remember as a child? I was there with you....cradling you close in those moments of trauma....those moments of anguish...the tears, the heartbreak...with you always...always.

Do you remember me in those days? Your heart...oh what a blessed heart I created in you...special. You were and are SO special....the love...the old soul, the wisdom and heart ache in those eyes....

Your uncle Paul...your guardian sent from me...Nana Snell, Nana Rutsatz....Barb Best...the people I placed in your life to encourage and love and love and love....

you were wanted...loved...placed.....MINE....

as a teenager....remember those nights we laughed and laughed and laughed...MINE...

I Sent my angels to you....your mom saw the light, heard the laughter...felt the presence...three nights in a row....MINE....

in that house....that demon....I sent my angel to cover you in my protection....MINE

maureen.....I love you....as you are...I made you...I know you....you are mine...

Those moments on the river bank...mine...I sat with you...arms wrapped round you...protecting your young mind....MINE.

Rest....find your comfort in Me....I am with you wherever you go....

As far as the east is from the west, so too is your sin....I love you....

You see the moments I send you memories...as a child....how very special and unique you were...I made you that way.....that presence you felt, always, that was Me. Me...with you.

I am coming in...I am preparing you....Hear me, listen....feel my presence again, stronger even than when you were a child and so open. Your heart has always been in My Hands...always....

#God sees you #God Loves you #God sais to you today

[freefromfearforever]

Breath of Life...

As tenuous as Spring can be, we hope for...pray for...wish for...an end to winter. An end to the bleak, to the cold, to the barren world...for a breath of life to breathe through the trees, across the bleak landscape and into our souls; stirring new life, new hopes, new adventures...stirring hope in starved souls standing in observation as each day clicks by on the wheel of perpetual motion. Father Time waits for no man...

Each season comes in its appointed time...the fowls of the air know it, the beasts of the forest know it, feel it, embrace it. Some of the human variety take joy in the snow, in the cold and grasp every moment of joy they can wring from Demetria, the Greek Goddess of Winter. This year, it seems that she got into the spirit of things and provided us with more time than most are willing to seize...carpe diem. We too, as an emotional species, experience seasons...seasons of joy, seasons of sorrow, seasons of a dry and desolate wasteland with no end in sight...however, we know that each season has an end, that from one step to the next we can enter into peace, leaving behind our dry, dusty winding path.

God is good, amen. A friend used to say this during a particularly tough time in her life and we'd get a chuckle, and yet...No matter the battle, no matter the circumstances, peace can be found...attained and lived. I have seen it in speaking to the operator coming from a similar situation and unloading her story...the irritable woman down the street unleashing her story over a simple 'hello,' the goodness from the stranger at the Independent....in so many ways I have been blessed with meeting others who have walked the same path, and live abundant lives. Blessed with family who love me just as I am...blessed with the 'grama' I hear from the lips of my grandbabies...blessed with the consistent daily love of my Aunt & Uncle....blessed with the encouraging words and love of a long time friend...here where I am...here on this rocky ground, just beginning to show a promise of spring and a promise of a new life full of joy and laughter and peace unceasing. I would encourage you to set aside your worries, your sorrows and view the little things that bring you joy and promote your growth...to step back and view what is good in your life. Some days the struggle to find those hidden gems is very real....but they're there, I promise you. Life affirming moments....the love of a child...the soft spring air upon your skin...the touch of a loved one....complete strangers complimenting you on...well, on anything really. Soak it up...let it breathe through you driving away the painful memories, the sorrows that litter your soul, that inhabit the dark places....

A good friend told me a very simple yet complex idiom....'Let go and Let God....' My first thought was 'ooooh ooook.' Heavy on the cynicism and knee jerk reaction...and yet...those words rose to mind with each foray into anxiety, into fulminating fears, into the difficulties I face. With each time I repeated those words in a mangled mantra, the fear became less...the peace more pronounced ..... in essence dear friends, when we focus on those words and repeat them in a prayer-like way, we acknowledge what we cannot control and release it. To God...to a higher power...in whomever, however and whatever you place your belief...release it and see the good coming in...see peace replacing fear...see a quiet fortitude pushing aside anxieties, pushing aside the need to shape the future. I continue to step into being present in each moment...drinking it in....we miss so much overthinking the future, overthinking the words/actions of others, overthinking our place on this earth. In order to move forward the mindset must alter...must allow for peace amongst the chaos. Let it reign, let it run its cycle while you stand in the eye of the storm...and smile. The Serenity prayer is never more apt than in our situation dear lovely hearts.... “God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things which should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.” Reinhold Neibuhr (1971)

If it cannot be changed....move forward one step at a time until it can. Courage to change what we can... stand tall and walk proud as the capable women (and men) you are. I am SO proud of you, you have come so far...don't give up now, hurting and healing women and men...you have slowly found your feet, began to step, shuffle, and sometimes even dance in the right direction, on the right path...your path, your truth... your journey is wide open and full of possibilities, hopes and dreams for a life of peace and unbounded love.

#Breath of Life #Courage

[freefromfearforever]

Silence...

Not a cloud in the sky this morning...not one puffy, fluffy bit of gossamer in sight and I drink it in as surely as I drink in the taste of heaven in my coffee cup.

The silence within is as deep as the blue in the first rays of dawn breaking across the sky. Soft, malleable and foreign this quietude seeping into my bones, into my spirit...

Though life may be telling me to stress, to worry, to obsess over the future and where I am being led, I feel a disconnect and begin to view as from the outside looking in.

God's peace envelops my mind...the strength He has granted me pushes aside the here, the now...pushes aside the unknown, pushes aside the great big world and the limitless possibilities that create fear. I am used to having a purpose, a goal, a master plan...I have laid all aside in the pursuit, not of happiness as it were, rather of letting go.

I lay aside all worries...all grief and sorrow...all heartache...I watch as with every practiced breath, with every word of encouragement and self-care, the pieces fall to hit the ground around me...and for the first time in an age of days, I take a full, deep breath and awaken to the energy about me, to deepening, brilliant colours...to the pleasure of taste across my tongue once again...to experiencing life in every way, be that joyful or sorrowful...

You see dear hearts...that is the beauty of our lives, to our presence here on earth...to be present in every moment and to truly experience every emotion, good or bad...

Standing on the outside looking in I see...the scales are falling from my eyes, revealing the endless layers that compromise our time here. We have only so long...and no one knows the time of our passing but God...when asked what people would change about their lives isn't about money, or fame, or recognition, no...it revolves around relationships, around truly living life to the fullest...acknowledging that it isn't the job, it isn't the 9-5 or the shift work.

It is taking in every last moment...savouring it, or breathing through the passing of a loved one, the heartache of a break-up...seeing, feeling, hearing and acknowledging the pain we endure as much as the joy that comes with that promotion, the strike of a bat hitting the ball outta the park, the coo of a baby giving you Luvy eyes....

For every bit of heartache there is a surfeit of happiness to be found around you. Truly.

This does not detract from the agony you have endured at the hands of another...the gut-wrenching grief that wafts along with the mistreatment...the harsh words...the rejection...

Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning. Psalm 30

This too shall pass dear hurting, broken survivors...victims...God will make a way...

Many months out and I am just now beginning to truly see...to truly grasp the enormity of the journey I've been on these last years...

The tears flow in gratitude, in grief, in wonder at the works of His hands...

The journey is not over...when freedom is attained, and the whole world seems displaced, foreign and far too large to comprehend...this my friends, is when the journey begins. The prospects limited only by us, by our fears and guarded hearts.

Dream that dream....believe in you....you have every skill necessary to take on the world though it appears insurmountable. One indomitable step at a time will conquer the mountain...

Stay the course dear hearts... Peace awaits you within no matter the circumstances without.

If you're in the depths, find your center and cling to it as a man clings to a life raft in the storm. That....that is your training ground... I know it intimately and strove to find it in the midst of many battles...to find it and to remain there no matter the provocation. Once found I clung...I planted roots and held on through class 5 tornadoes (EF5), refused to let go as waves pounded, obliterated, destroyed the landscape round about.

The truth is harsh friends....the truth is the path out is littered with the bones of the past...strewn with weeping witnesses to the exact pain you bear.

The truth is, you are not alone in your despair....

The truth is, that calm place you find inside your soul? There resides God, hands held out waiting to enfold you in His peace. There in that quiet place you will discover and more, accept and take hold, a peace that passes all understanding. Envision it...see it in your minds eye...however it may look it is yours and yours alone.

Sitting at the base of a giant tree...limbs swooping down to the ground to provide shade, to provide safety....

Sitting in your favourite deck chair...gazing out at the stretch of water before you, awash in the sound of waves breaking on the beach...

Your happy place...what brings your heart peace, what brings your mind...your soul...your spirit, light and life.

This and the loving kindnesses will sustain you...ground you...no one can take this from you. No One....

Step into your unique place on and in this world we call home. You, the lost and the broken...you are irreplaceable, special and one of a kind.

We need you....do not despair. Allow the grief, the sadness, the sorrow to well up and flow out...I promise you will not drown though it feels that way. You will find your way...the path meant just for you.

Stand tall warriors...stand proud and see all that you have accomplished within. Speak softly...speak your truth and stand your ground. You are worth it...truly.

May God go with you this day and every day forward, may He make His face to shine upon you and brighten your soul.

#Quiet place #Silence #Sorrow

[freefromfearforever]

Rest...

Rest in Me....stop what you're doing and take a moment, take a moment to rest your mind...it's tired and troubled. Take a moment and rest in Me...find your place in this universe...it revolves within and without, like the topsy turvy at the fair spinning us this way and that, leaving us slightly nauseous, confused and lost as each moment strikes us...batters at the walls of our minds in waves of constant monstrous motion.

Rest....put away the distractions, the detractors, the dial turned up to dispel the despair and heartache that rides up out of the depths to knock you off your feet.

Let it come dear hearts...take a moment to rest in the quiet and let the waves rise, giving the voices a safe place to speak, to vent, to expunge and scrub the poison away.

Let it rise....let it out....on the wings of healing and change, release the emotions...give them their moment on stage to step out of the wings into the bright spotlight of love....expose the darkness hiding, huddling in the unlit corners of your mind...speaking lies over your worth, your usefulness, your purpose....

Sit in that place of love, of acceptance, of kindness and compassion...sit and breathe dear hearts and expose. Expose the wounds....expose them to the healing light of God's Love....

It has been spoken...'Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.' Jeremiah 1:5

'I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.' Psalm 139"14

You have a place on this earth, a purpose...unique to you and no one else. Don't let anyone steal that from you....every moment spent in trauma sends signals to your neural pathways to hide...to be less...to survive. Lost...adrift....

Rest and take back your compass, your guiding light....take it all back dear friends....take back that which has been stolen and rest in all you are, in all you were made to be.

#Rest In Me #Purpose #Trauma

[freefromfearforever]

Growing Pains...

Alone....physically....learning how to walk alone, as I did years ago, beginning as a small child....alone and yet, despite being an outgoing child I felt better alone. I yearned for friends but instinctively knew that for me, developing relationships was difficult. I wasn't your average child...conceived during a tumultuous time within the family dynamics.

Alone was what I knew, despite 3 older brothers filling my life with noise, chaos and double-dog dares.

Alone as I watched them all learn the piano...

Alone as I wandered the orchards...

Alone as I sat observing the family watching t.v from the kitchen....

Alone as I took the fall for letting the kittens out of their box...

But never alone...for even as a small child I felt a presence with me; guarding me, keeping me close...

Now as an adult I look back at what I can remember before the age of 10 and I see dissociative distancing. Every choice was based on fear or anxiety, and when given no choice I would run through the game plan in my head to combat the paralyzing fear...step by step...over and over, until the plan was solidified and carried out perfectly.

What I am so desperately trying to get at here dear hearts is that being alone and fighting against it our whole lives has been the end goal, the game plan. Our brain has been conditioned to do, to have a purpose, to contribute, to be useful....

Set adrift we flounder...grasping for our meaning in this life.

Set adrift, despite the relentless sorrow, has been the greatest of gifts...the best of growing pains as I once again search for my place in this world.

Why the joy in growing pains you may ask....

I cannot, except as a child, remember feeling this alone....set apart...distanced....

Mentally, emotionally and physically set apart and thus forced to dissect, dismantle, and delve into the deepest, darkest depths of my psyche to find the truth...and more, to accept the truths I see within me.

At this point in the journey I feel a strength of self, a bulwark of pure steel forming in my bones..in my spirit....that woman within, that small innocent child within standing up metaphorically and speaking two words that gain volume in my mind as the days go by...with every moment, every hour, every day that slides by I gain a resolve formed in the very fires of Mordor....in the moments of emotion welling up and overflowing, in the tears and raw bursts of guttural sound erupting from my lips...

Two Words....I push to my feet and stand in a barren place and in a 360 degree turn view the scarred and torn battlefield; wounds seeping and bleeding slowly, I speak a promise to myself that for the past many months I have been building upon and showing up for....

NO MORE....no more.

No more free passes, no more allowing evil to remain in my life....

No more ignoring the needs of my heart, mind and soul in favour of another...

No more silence....no, it is a time for truth...for speaking my truth...in grace and in a quiet stand for the innocent, for the broken and lost, for myself and for you all still in the pit.

You are worthy...worthy of love, of peace, of kindness, of mercy, of compassion.

my heart fills with a poignant sorrow as I read those words....in sadness but with understanding I see that we are in need of reminding, of encouragement to reach for the stars...

As my daughter once told me a few years ago... 'mom, you are worthy of a magical kind of love.'

I will live well and happily, alone....until that magical kind of love steps on to the path in front of me with welcoming, open arms of an unconditional love free of malice and games.

This my friends is the goal...to feel the growing pains, to embrace the growth that comes with the pain...and to be joyful and complete, alone.

It does not necessarily mean alone forever, unless that is what you will, what you desire.

This is something my mother chose...to be alone rather than run the chance of being hurt once more. And that is ok...she was happy in spending time with friends and her family.

Let it come dear hearts...let the truth rise up and clear your mind of regrets, remorse and recriminations. You are a child of God...loved and created for so much more.

Let it go my friends....let it ride on the winds of change and embrace the present moments of joy.

The future...is unwritten. Do not fear it....there is a plan for you.

Go with God today and every day...may His peace fill your heart and His comfort surround you where you stand this day...and every day forward.

#Joyful #Thankful Heart #Free

[freefromfearforever]

Old Station Wagon...

The smell of fumes....the heat of the day beating down and heating the already hot as an easy bake oven interior...the pushing, poking, tormenting of three older brothers...the curling wood paneling inside and out...the love for my heroes, the brothers.

In my Childish mind they could do no wrong even when engaging in behaviour meant to elicit a frustrated response, which led to our Father handing out discipline. And still...I would sit, stand, walk, jump from roofs, barn hay lofts and just generally follow them wherever I could. I was, according to the brothers, a precocious pain in their collective asses.

While the memories are few before ten, certain flashes of memory are crystal clear.

My two oldest brothers squaring off outside the big glass window, ready and willingly agreeing on settling an ongoing issue with fists.

Sitting squished in the stiflingly hot, dusty back seat of the old Cortina with the brothers as we careened down old logging roads to the Okanagan Lake. The shock and joy of cold water on heated skin...

Running, jumping, climbing, walking through acres and acres of Orchards alone...

The 'hello hunny' from Mrs. Holitski next door standing at our fence...handing me the largest apple I had ever seen...the kindness on her face, the acceptance. The first sweet, crisp bite of that apple...juices running over my chin.

The gruff and grumpy face of Mister Holitski...he spoke little...red long johns no matter the heat, suspenders and old faded green pants. His big worn work hands folding carefully over mine on the broom handle, showing me how sweeping is properly done. The watchful infinitely wise eyes watching me work...perhaps wondering where my parents were and how he got stuck with a wild ginger 6 year old. We didn't say much at all in those long hot summer days...after a task he would bring me a dewy glass of sweet iced tea sweating in the heat of the day, I would sit on the concrete and he in his ancient creaking beach chair in comfortable silence.

Throughout the years I have been blessed with knowing a few men and women of such character...of such principle...of such strength and fortitude it molded and nudged me into growth, into a respect and admiration for my elders. I was blessed with examples of how to live according to your values, of how to accept those around me where they are...where they stand on their journey. Of how to stand alone...in my judgements, in my assessments, in my principles and values. It is a quiet place rooted deep within dear hearts...found once more, only with much inner reflection...with being hurtled to the ground, to the lowest point of your life path...drowning in the rolling waves beating down, crashing over me I headed under...deeper, and deeper still...and found life beneath the pounding surf.

Let the waves come...let them drive you to depths you've forgotten...to the beginning, to the core of who you are.

Let the tumultuous waters wash you clean....letting go of the confusion, the chaos, the condition of your soul...let the salty brine flow through and to the darkest parts of your mind...clearing the way for light, for life, for joy in the morning.

I do not know why the years of my young youth are swimming to the surface but I have learned that it is wisest to embrace...to let each memory play out as they quietly swim to the surface. As with more recent memories I sit with no judgement...as the negative thoughts seek to belittle, berate and boil over In shame and embarrassment I give them over to Love...I give them over to compassion, to understanding....I give them over to patience...I give them over to sorrow for ever believing in anything less about myself, for letting the poison take root and tear apart my spirit, my mind, my soul.

Dear lost and broken...dear survivors...dearest victims....you were never meant for evil...you were never meant for brokenness...

You are meant for greatness...meant for an incredible life full of joyously endless possibilities.

You will reap such kindness, such love and life as you've never known....you have given so diligently in the little things...things people discount too often.

A smile for the young face looking up at you...

The warmth of your hugs....the grace with which you smile through the sorrow hanging on your shoulders...everyday...even when you feel as though earths gravity has shifted its crushing weight directly on to your chest.

I've seen it on many a face these past months...the smile that doesn't quite make it to the eyes and yet reflects the kindness found there...despite....despite the world falling to pieces round about them.

Your faithfulness will be rewarded....do not give up on hope dear friends...

Your prayers have been heard...your sorrow, your heartache seen....life awaits you round that next corner, past all the pitfalls...the tribulations...it will fall away into the depths of the sea and as the sun rises and falls to rise again so shall you find joy in the morning and in the setting rays disappearing over the horizon....

A bounty's worth...a pirates hull full of treasures worth awaits each one of you.

Be steadfast my friends...hold the course, keep your eyes fixed on the stars that chart your path and see the storm recede into the background, see the gale force winds slip their moorings and fade into a warm breeze smelling of fresh life, of sweet success at battling your way through. Steady at the helm...steady...find that inner resolve that has been sitting in decay, waiting for the moment you set it free...waiting for the moment you give it voice...waiting for the time you breathe rejuvenescence over your soul....

I believe, therefore I am....

What did Descartes mean.... 'I think, therefore I am?' The only thing that remains true that there is a mind or consciousness doing the doubting and believing its perceptions, hence the famous formulation, 'I think therefore I am', or in Latin - 'Cogito ergo sum'.

I believe....I believe I can...I believe that I will....I believe.

I believe in you....and come with hands reaching out in acceptance, in love for where you are...yes, right there in the muddy pit...let me sit with you right where you are, for no matter where you are, you are loved, worthy....you will make it out, I promise you...Look, see there? A path up, a path out....lift your head weary ones...oh it is heavy I know, but trust and try...lift your head and see the path, your path...no one else's.

We stand with you...beside you...together. Together as you take that first step to a future free of fear and loathing. Together as you slog your way out of the depths of despair, as you drop the heavy weights from off your shoulders. The weight of words pressed upon you, breaking you down...let it fall to the ground to sink into the mire, into the muck where it belongs. God sees you dear one....I pray for your comfort, for your way free from your perilous journey...I pray for your safety, for your sanity amongst the most horrifying of lies meant to doubt the sanctity of your mind.

Go with God today and every day forward....may your feet find their way to happiness, to joy unceasing, to kindnesses unending.

"For truly I tell you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you." (Matthew 17:20-21).

Go in Grace....go in dignity....speak your truth, carry a big stick.

#Memories #Faith #Perilous Journey