geemosses

[geemosses]

The Chef, part 1

I hate it when the workers at a restaurant start to recognize me. Hostess, cashier, waiter, chef, doesn’t matter. As soon as someone at the restaurant starts calling me by name or worse, remembering my order, I bolt, and I find another place.

I think it makes me feel self-conscious. Like yeah, I get it. I eat here all the time. I don’t cook for myself. I eat out way too much. I must be terrible with money because why would anyone spend all that money for a sandwich at the local deli when they could just make one themselves for a fraction of the price?

Well because I’m a terrible cook, that’s why. I don’t know what it is, but no matter how many recipes I find on Google, the deli sandwich always tastes better. Also, I work a lot. I don’t have time to cook for myself even if I wanted to. So, stop judging me.

Anyway, I don’t go to the local deli anymore. The last time I went there, the girl who works the register started ringing up my order the second she saw me walk in the door.

“$12.99,” she said with a smile as I walked up. I did my best to chuckle and muster up an “Oh gee, you caught me,” kind of smile while handing her my credit card. And then I never went back.

It’s been a month since that fateful day. I’ve been surviving mostly on microwavable meals, although sometimes when I’m feeling particularly adventurous, I’ll pick up one those pre-made meal kits that I can just pop in the oven for 15 minutes.

But damn do I miss those sandwiches. The way the bread had just the right amount of crunch as you take that first bite only to have that rough shell give way to a soft and fluffy interior. The way the sauce, a perfect balance between sweet and spicy, coated my tongue and carried those delicious flavors to every corner of my mouth. And the chicken! Oh, the chicken. Some people think chicken is boring. Those people haven’t tried this chicken. It’s coated in spices that I couldn’t even begin to identify but it’s still somehow in perfect harmony with the sauce. And most importantly, it’s never dry!

Surely a month is enough time for a cashier to forget about a customer… right?

So, a month and a day after I had abandoned my favorite deli, I decided I’d risk it and go back. I packed up my work laptop at 6pm on the dot, like I always did, and hopped on the next bus for the 30-minute ride home. The deli was right around the corner from my apartment, so I dropped off my backpack and walked over. My steps slowed a bit as I approached, trying to catch a glimpse through the glass doors of the restaurant. If I could just see if the cashier was the same girl, maybe I could make a last second decision to veer away and continue walking as if I had always been going somewhere else. But the sun at my back was working against me, and all I could see was a bright white glare.

It took a second for my eyes to adjust when I walked inside, but I immediately let out a small sigh of relief when I saw that the cashier was someone totally new. Someone who didn’t know my name and had never taken my order.

The new girl looked up from her phone when she heard the chime of the bell above the door and smiled politely. I weaved my way through the handful of empty tables and chairs towards her. The deli was a popular lunch spot but was almost always empty for dinner, so it was just me and the new girl.

“What can I get you?” she asked.

“One chicken sandwich please. Chips and a soda as well,” I said when I reached her.

“Alright, that will be $12.99 please.”

I paid and grabbed a bag of Doritos and a Coke, then chose a table by the window to sit and wait. The new girl just went back to her phone, not even pretending like she wanted to politely make small talk. Perfect.

Outside, a pair of small dogs had started playing on the sidewalk as their owners had a conversation. They were adorable, jumping on top of each other, wrestling for a few seconds before breaking away from each other to reset. Then they’d start all over again. I was so lost watching them play that I didn’t hear the chef walk up to my table.

“Here’s your sandwich,” he said in a deep but soft voice.

“Oh, uh, thank you…” my voice trailed off as I turned to look at the man holding my order. The man was gorgeous. He was a few inches taller than me and was a bit more muscular as well. Not that I was particularly muscular, but I tried to stay fit. On him though, I could see the definition in his arms and shoulders through his white t-shift. His eyes were a striking blue, the kind that you can’t help but stop and stare at, and his black hair only made his eyes feel deeper.

But what really got me was that smile. It was soft and welcoming. It made me feel safe.

How had I never noticed it before?

“What, do I have something on my face or something?” he asked, lightly brushing his forehead. I must have been staring a little bit too long.

“Uh, no, no, sorry, you just surprised me is all,” I said, clearing my throat and looking away to try and hide the obvious burning in my cheeks.

“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” he said.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, since you last stopped by,” he replied.

“You remember me?” I asked. I’d never had a conversation with the chef before. I definitely would have remembered that. Most of the time, all I could even see of him was the back of his head over the grey wall that divided the stove and kitchen area from the rest of the restaurant.

“Yeah,” he said with a smile. That smile that made it seem like all was right in the world. “You used to come in several times a week but then suddenly you just stopped coming. I hope everything was ok?”

Most of the time I would have dismissed his question as boring or polite small talk. People don’t really care how you’re doing when they say, ‘how are you doing’. But somehow, his question felt genuine. Maybe it was those eyes, or maybe it was that disarming smile, but in that moment, I was sure that he really wanted to know if I had been ok in the month since I last visited the deli.

“I was ok, yes. I was just trying to cook for myself a little more often. No matter how hard I tried though, nothing quite compares to your sandwich,” I said with an awkward chuckle. I guess technically everything I said was true. No need to mention my semi-anti-social tendencies.

“Thanks for asking.”

“Of course!” he said. “Well, I hope you don’t wait another month before you come visit again.”

“Definitely not.”

He started to turn to walk away but before I even knew what was happening my hand had shot out and lightly grabbed his arm.

“Uh, sorry. What’s your name?” I asked shyly as he turned back.

“It’s Liam,” he said. His smile grew even wider with what felt like true joy. I couldn’t help but smile an actual, real smile in response.

And when I got back to my apartment, I ate the best damn chicken sandwich I’d ever had in my life.

#lgbtq #romance #short story

[geemosses]

Stressed

I'm so stressed. And it's like, all the time. I don't know what to do about it anymore. I used to be better at managing it. But right now it just feels overwhelming. Maybe I just need to vent, so I guess I'll write about it. That's something haven't tried before.

A lot of it has to do with my job. I work as a Software Engineer at Amazon. They recently announced a "Return to Office" (RTO) mandate, along with multiple rounds of layoffs. Everyone has to go back to the office 3 days per week. The justifications they provided are weak, and everyone knows it. Some nonsense about absorbing company culture and easier collaboration. Never mind the fact that we've all been "collaborating" just fine, doing our jobs well enough for the last 3 years while the vast majority of Amazon's corporate employees work from home. And never mind the fact that Amazon is still in a very strong position financially.

The empty words are what really piss me off. As if we're all too dumb to understand what's really happening here. Amazon, like many tech companies, hire lots of people during the pandemic, expecting endlessly cheap money to fund endless growth. Now that all of that has fallen apart, Amazon wants to cut down the work force, aka balance the bottom-line. But they can't ruin their carefully crafted image in the public by laying off massive numbers of employees.

So instead, they make working at Amazon intolerable, in the hopes that people will leave voluntarily. It's short-sighted if you ask me. The ones that will be the first to jump off this sinking ship will be the ones with the most options. I, for example, have worked at Amazon for 7 years and have been promoted to Senior Engineer in that time. I'm by no means the most talented engineer Amazon has to offer, but I'm still certain that if I leave, it will hurt.

Through it all, one word keeps coming to my mind: Unionize. How much better would life be at Amazon if I were part of a union? Individually, I have no power to change anything about Amazon. But collectively, Amazon employees would wield immense power. We could demand the flexibility to continue to work from home. We could demand more transparency into compensation packages and work towards greater pay equity for women and people of color. We could demand better treatment and working conditions of our workers in fulfillment centers. We could negotiate for better benefits. We could demand a voice at the table - on the board or on the 'S-Team'. We could demand better justification and transparency for pushing through mass layoffs even while the company remains profitable, and push back when their words turn out to be as empty as they have been this past year.

For the last decade, high demand gave tech workers so much power., but if the last year has made one thing abundantly clear, it's that all of us are vulnerable. It doesn't matter what nice words they write to try and make it sound less painful, to try and make you think they had no choice. The truth is, you don't really matter to them. You can be reduced to nothing more than a line item on a spreadsheet, just waiting to be crossed out when investors come calling for bigger pay days. Through all of that, only one entity has the power to fight back and protect employees: a Union.

Even as I write this though, I fear retaliation. I fear that Amazon will be able to link this post back to me and find a way to cut me like they have so many others in the past, for daring to even think the word union. Funny how a company can wield fear so effectively, barely even saying a word.

#stressed #layoffs #tech