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gen-writes · 10 months

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Writing and Self Doubt

unfortunately this post is gonna be a little bit of a downer, but i’ve been really struggling with my self image lately (honestly in all areas — physical, mental, creative) and i want to address this in case any of you guys are experiencing something similar.

i feel like writing is romanticized a lot of the time, and for the most part, it’s really not accurate. the hot mug of tea, classical music playing in the background, sitting at your desk in flickering candlelight with a notepad at your side. in reality, that vibe is only matched once in a blue moon for me. 99% of it is me hunched over my computer screen, dehydrated but too into my work to get up and get a drink of water, mumbling to myself like a madman, aaaand…only writing about two sentences an hour.

all jokes aside though, i’ve been stressing about my career path lately. i’ve still got time to figure it out, but i know for an absolute fact that i want to be a published author and it scares me that i can’t guarantee that it’ll happen. what if all of this time and energy and thought that’s going into my book ends up as a finished manuscript gathering dust on a shelf? or worse, what if i give up on it entirely? what if i start querying and never get an agent, or get an agent but never sell my book? what if i’m not good enough?

that’s my biggest writing fear: what if i’m not good enough, and what if i’ll never be good enough?

story time: i was looking through my manuscript today, excited to continue a scene i’ve been working on, but the second i looked at it, i felt like crying. i didn’t like anything i read over. it sounded childish and unprofessional, and immediately a thought popped into my head: “you actually thought this was good?” this story that i’ve spent years putting my heart and soul into just isn’t everything i’d dreamed it would be. sure, some days it is. but other days, it sounds like my writing from five years ago and i doubt that i’ve made any progress.

but here’s the point of all this: i know i want to be a writer. i know i want to be published. no, i can’t guarantee that i’ll make it in traditional publishing, but that’s always been and always will be my dream, so i can’t give up on it just because i feel down. basically, stick to the age-old “if you don’t try, you’ll never know.”

if you’re currently doubting your writing, let me tell you something: it isn’t perfect. neither is mine. honestly, i don’t believe in perfect writing, and i also don’t believe in labeling your work as “not good enough.” not good enough for who? yourself? a publishing agency? a reader? art is and always will be subjective, and sure, there are definitive rights and wrong and goods and bads to the craft, but there’s a mix of all of that in every piece of writing.

i can’t tell you if your writing is publishable, or even if it ever will be. the one thing i can say for certain, though, is that you’ll never get better without practice. that means letting go of the writing romanticization, sitting down with your laptop, and getting to work. it means being your harshest critic while also realizing that your writing doesn’t define your worth and is always improving.

this was more a message to myself than anything. i find it easier to take my own advice when i put it into words, so this was a mouthful lol but thanks for sticking around. keep writing and working hard besties <3

#fiction #thrillerbooks #writers of tumblr #read books

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