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girlwiththestories · 5 years

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It’s supposed to be the happiest day of her life so far, but it’s not. What Maya feels when she hears them promise forever is fear. Perhaps she’s relieved to know that Shawn can’t back out now, but there are no guarantees. If there’s anything she’s sure of in life, it’s that you can’t know what the future will hold and that it’s likely to be something bad.

Maya’s no stranger to fear. Years of living in rough neighborhood with a single mother meant that it’s never far away, but she’s always known fear as something that comes and goes. She keeps waiting, but the days pass, and the fear she felt watching her mom and Shawn tie the knot never leaves. It becomes this burden that she carries with her wherever she goes. She thinks about it when she goes to bed at night, when she wakes up in the morning, when she rides the subway to school, when she gets home and paints. It’s like her dungeon of sadness except it’s not comfortable and cozy and safe. It’s not the only thing she’s known for fifteen years. It’s new, and it scares the heck out of her.

Maya has always identified as the one who was left. Sometimes, she thinks if her life were a movie that would be the tagline. She can’t explain how it felt to be left by her father at a young age and to believe for years that her mother had practically abandoned her as well, but she’s always worn that as a badge of pride. Not everyone is as tough as she is; not everyone could survive being left. She can. She is not only strong; she is indomitable.

Shawn coming into her life has turned everything on its head. No longer is her life safe, comfortable, and predictable. She’s attached to him—way too attached to him already. He understands her like few people do, and when he’s with her, she feels seen. She never would have told you that she missed a father’s presence in her life; she hadn’t known it herself, but she did nonetheless. Now that Shawn has joined the family, her life feels complete. That would be perfect except she can’t handle it.

What if he leaves? She’s not sure she could survive that. They always say it’s better to have had and lost than to have never had at all, but she’s suddenly not sure that that’s true. She’s always considered herself one of the strongest, bravest people she knows, but she has a sinking feeling she wouldn’t survive being left again. Now that she has a dad and a family that she doesn’t feel like she needs to feel ashamed of, she doesn’t feel like she could ever go back to life the way it was before. Yet, she has no control over it. It’s an absolutely terrifying reality.

She trusts Shawn. She knows he’s a good man and that he wouldn’t have married her mom if he had any intention of leaving, but she knows enough of the world to know that good people make mistakes and do a good many things they don’t intend to. She’s quite sure that her dad didn’t intend to leave and that her mom didn’t intend to cause her pain when she didn’t tell the truth about why he’d left. It’s just how the world works, and she knows she can’t count on him not leaving.

As the days pass, her fear only grows becoming a heavier and heavier weight. Why can’t he just leave? She doesn’t want him to go, but she knows that the more time that goes by the more it will hurt when the loss finally comes. What can she do? How much pain would Shawn feel if he knew she expected him to leave? How ungrateful would it sound? She’s determined to keep it from him, but that only becomes harder with each passing day. She can’t tell her mom, can’t tell Riley because she’d tell her dad who’d tell Shawn. Every day, holding it in only becomes more painful and more difficult. She tries to act like she’s fine with extra bravado, but at the same time, she’s sure everyone can see through it. They’re going to find out.

She’s caught in that perpetual cycle of terror when one day she’s confronted by Farkle as they’re leaving school. She hasn’t made an announcement that she’s going to Central Park—something Shawn has warned her to never do alone. Yet, somehow he knows. It shouldn’t be surprising though because Farkle always knows. She can’t count how many times he’s stopped her before she was about to do something regrettable. Riley might think she’s the perceptive one, but so much escapes her notice. Farkle barely misses a thing. He’s perceptive, and more than that, he’s always been on the same wavelength as Maya. Perhaps it’s in the instability of their respective upbringings, but he knows how she thinks and often seems to know when something will bother her and how she’ll try to cope with it. It’s uncanny and at times frightening. She gives him some answer about her afternoon plans that they both know is ridiculous before walking away. She half expects him to chase after her and drag her back. That’s what past Farkle would have done, but he doesn’t do that. He does something that works even better. He calls her name. As much as she wants to keep on walking, the earnestness in his tone makes her turn her head.

He catches up to her, and they take off walking together and eventually end up at Central Park. Riley’s at dance, and Maya has nowhere else to be, and if Farkle has plans, they’re ones he can push off until later. All the while they talk about everything and nothing in particular. They have known each other so long that everything is easy and comfortable between them. She always forgets how much she likes talking to him. He’s the world’s best listener; his eyes are on her as she speaks. His expression is soft and gentle, and he ponders carefully before making any reply. And she knows that whatever she tells him is safe with him unless he deems it necessary for her safety to spill the beans. A few pointed questions of his pierce straight to the heart of her trouble. Before she knows it, she’s told him all about Shawn and the fear that has overwhelmed her. He just listens as he always does. They end the outing with a hug and an unspoken promise on his part that his secret is safe with her. She goes home with her heart a million times lighter.

#girl meets world #girl meets world fanfiction #gmw fanfic #gmw #maya hart #farkle minkus

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girlwiththestories · 5 years

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#i didn't do it disney #i didn't do it #disney channel fanfiction #disney channel fanfic #lindy watson #garrett spenger

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girlwiththestories · 5 years

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To Be Loved

life is short and time is always passing but love is everlasting -Nick Fabian

Warm beams of light hit her face, and she awakens. She opens her eyes and smiles. She stretches and tries to banish the hope she feels rising inside. There are no promises that today will be a good day just because yesterday was. She doesn’t want to spend the day hating everything—herself, her life, and her dearest Dez. Still, she can’t stop herself from sitting up to see if perhaps she will feel as energetic as she did yesterday.

She slowly pulls herself up into a sitting position and finds that her body is not too tired. Sitting up feels good as if her body and not just her mind is trying to tell her it’s ready to do more than just lay around. She’s ready for this. It’s been too many weeks of staring at these grungy cream walls and wishing she were anywhere else. Maybe it’s finally arriving—the day the doctors promised would come when she would finally be well again. She can’t believe it. The life she has been dreaming about is barely beyond her grasp.

She slowly makes her way to the couch and sits down on it. It tires her, but not like that would have even a week ago. She’s improving; there’s no doubt about it. She reaches for her phone and types out a quick text to Dez. He’s got to hear the good news.

Just after arriving in LA seven weeks ago, she had come down with the nastiest virus and was so exhausted that she hadn’t been able to get out of bed. She had been puzzled; she had been the healthy one growing up—the one who had skated through when everyone else had come down with the flu. Here she was sick less than two weeks after getting married. Dez ever patient had encouraged her to wait it out. But when she hadn’t improved even after the week passed and the next one began, she had gone to see a doctor only to learn that she had mononucleosis.

She doesn’t have words to describe the past few weeks. At first, she enjoyed the freedom from job hunting it brought her as well as the ability to spend her days reading her favorite magazines and binge watching her favorite shows. As the days passed, however, she realized that she was practically a prisoner in their apartment. She didn’t have the energy to leave, so she had just stayed--hour after hour, day after day. Dez’s filming internship which had precipitated their move to LA in the first place kept him away from her for hours on end. She was left waiting for his return doling out her energy hoping that she would have enough for all the trips to the bathroom and fridge she’d need to make during the day.

This was not the way moving to LA was supposed to go. She had known that money would tight and their apartment tiny and grungy, but she hadn’t anticipated spending her first few weeks in bed. She has been here for almost two months and has not been on a single date or gone shopping once or made a single friend. No, her only accomplishments are all the complaints she left unsaid and the degrees that they didn’t turn up the heat because she piled on the blankets.

Worse than her dismal surroundings has been the way it all made her feel. She has never exactly had a reputation for being hardworking, but she has always felt like she had something to give. Performing let her share joy with others, and running the music factory gave her the satisfaction of knowing she was helping kids achieve their dreams. Now, she’s dependent on someone else for her very survival. It is Dez who has made all the trips to the grocery store, paid the bills, and made the money that mostly goes to rent. Without him, she doesn’t know what she would have done. As tired as he is from long days on set, he always hopes she is awake when he gets home because he wants to talk to her, to rub her feet, and to tell her she looked beautiful even though she is wearing the same pajamas she has for days.

It hadn’t been the world’s easiest day. Her sore throat and fever were so bad that she could hardly remember what it felt like to be well. Getting out of bed was unthinkable, and even watching a show didn’t sound that appealing. She spent most of the day lying on her back with her eyes closed counting down the hours until bedtime—twelve, eleven, ten, nine…

As the day passed, she only grew more miserable. Why was this her life? It was so unfair that she who had waited so patiently to take on an new adventure would have it turn into this when she finally reached it. Right outside her window were people enjoying life while she was stuck inside in bed feeling worse than she ever had in her entire life. She could do absolutely nothing about it. She couldn’t make the days pass more quickly. All of the wishing in the world couldn’t make her healthy again. She just had to wait until this nightmare was all over. From what the doctors had said, that was so far off that it may as well be forever from now. She was not sappy in the slightest, but she had expected things that would only get better after she and Dez married and moved to LA. Instead, she found herself hoping that someday she would all but block this time from her memory.

She jumped as she woke up. It was dark, and she couldn’t imagine what was happening, but it was only Dez lifting the covers as he tried to sneak into bed. His attempts at being sneaky were so terrible she would have laughed if her head hadn’t been aching so badly.

In a moment, he was lying beside her. “Trish?” he whispered gently. “You okay?” He reached for her and pulled her closer.

He was so cold she flinched at his touch. “No,” she said in a tone she would have recognized as whiny if she were in a better frame of mind. “My head hurts so bad, and my throat is so sore it’s awful.”

He brushed the hair from her face and smoothed it down gently. “I’m so sorry. I wish I could do something to make you better.” He reached out and kissed her forehead.

It was the sweetest gesture, but the warning bells went off in her head. He couldn’t do that. It was not called kissing disease for nothing. Dez couldn’t get sick. His life was harder because of her in too many ways already. He was doing the laundry and cooking and grocery shopping. If he were to get sick…

“Why don’t you just leave?” She was filled with regret the instant her mind grasped the gravity of her words.

“What?” Dez sounded genuinely shocked. “Never. I just promised you forever. Why would I do that?”

She rarely cried, but as she would realize later, the past few weeks of illness were taking a toll. She couldn’t stop the tears from coming to her eyes. Before she knew it, she was sobbing. “You can’t keep doing this. You can’t keep working all day and taking care of me and the house and not seeing anyone and not talking to your family……You’re not being careful enough. You’re going to be sick, and it’s going to be all my fault. If only you didn’t have such a deadbeat wife…” She choked back a sob. “Don’t argue with me. I literally can’t do anything right now except lay here. Go, go sleep on the couch. You can pack your bags tomorrow.”

“Trish.” He dragged out her name like he had only done a few times in the history of ever. “Come here.” His arms were out, and she felt herself pulled to his chest. “This is not going to last forever.” He had just a hint of harshness in his tone. “Let me say it again. This is not going to last forever. You’re going to get well, and life is going to be good again. It will.”

“But it’s not fair,” she argued. “You’re taking care of me and making all the money. It’s not fair. You should just leave.”

The room grew silent, and she felt his heartbeat, and with that, her breathing slowed. “Now, now,” he said softly stroking her hair. The last thing she knew before she fell asleep was him singing to her—she thinks it was Austin’s Superhero.

In the days that followed, Dez was solemn, and Trish knew without a shadow of a doubt that she had hurt him deeply. Somehow, despite all of her grumpiness and insecurities; he loved her deeply. He was committed to her and found it impossible to understand that she would imagine anything else. After that, she knew that no matter what happened or how horrible she felt she could never say that to him again. She might be more miserable than she had ever been in her life, but making him miserable too was completely uncalled for. She could tell him about the suffocating way her throat ached or her pounding headache, but she should never ever tell him he should leave. He loved her too much for that not to cause him excruciating pain. Remembering back to that day, she feels a twinge of shame for what she did, yet that memory also gives her a new consolation in the depths of her sorrow and misery—how deeply Dez loves her.

She has known he loved her for quite some time. Thinking back, she has to say that she knew that even in the Austin and Ally days when they were just friends who bickered all the time. There was this undercurrent of understanding, respect, and love that began the day they met and never stopped. She has always known that Dez would always be happy to see her no matter what the circumstances of their reunion were. Their very souls have always been fond of each other, and deep down, she has always known that.

Things changed when they got together, and he told her he loved her all the time and hugged her every time he saw her. He showered her with kindness often in the form of little surprises that she would have thought very dorky if they hadn’t pointed back to the king of dorkiness himself who she happened to love very much. She had always been sure of the genuineness of his love. He wasn’t like Chuck who had always left her wondering why he was making such gestures to her and not someone else. No, Dez was the real deal--warmhearted and endlessly devoted to her and only her.

Yet, she hadn’t realized until now how much she had assumed his love depended on her. She was always quick to point to something as the reason for his love for her—their similarities, her charm, or on a good day her looks. But these days, she can offer him literally nothing. She’s not good company; she’s whiny and has no news to tell. Heck, she’s not even awake most days when he gets home or when he leaves. She can’t clean or run errands or do the laundry. She’s stuck in bed where she’s sucking what little energy he has left after his long days of work. Still, he loves her just as much as always.

She has always understood unconditional love with her head. She has always been the daughter who wants to do things for her parents and is deeply grateful for what they have done for her. She appreciates her friends and when she can tells them so. Still, she has to say that she’s never really understood what it means to be loved before now. She has always tried so hard to be lovable and to prove to herself that she is worth all the love she receives. It always made her feel strong to imagine that she was giving as much as she was taking and helping others as much as she was helped. Now, she can see that she doesn’t have to do that. She is loved—simply because she is loved. It is the most beautiful—the most freeing thing in the world. She doesn’t feel that she could ever deserve it, and maybe that’s the point.

She is up to a little more these days. She’s job hunting from her bed and still awake when Dez comes home. But she doesn’t want to ever go back to trying to prove she’s worthy of everyone else’s love. It’s a deep pit—deeper than the darkness of her illness. She wants to remember that she is loved because that’s what unconditional love does and she is lucky enough to have people who love like that in her life. As hard as these past weeks have been, she’d say they’ve been worth it in the end. How can you put a price on truly understanding what it means to be loved?

#trez #austin and ally #austin & ally #austin and ally fanfiction #dez x trish #trish x dez #trish de la rosa #dez wade

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girlwiththestories · 5 years

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In the midst of a difficult time, Trish learns something unexpected.

#Trez #austin and ally #austin & ally #austin and ally fanfiction #austin & ally fanfiction #dez x trish #trish x dez #trish de la rosa #dez wade

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girlwiththestories · 5 years

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Nancy reflects on her relationship with Frank over the years. (NOT Francy)

#Nancy Drew #nancy drew fanfiction #nancy drew fanfic #frank hardy #frank hardy fanfiction

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girlwiththestories · 5 years

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Isadora Smackle cannot stop thinking about Zay.

#isadora smackle #girl meets world #girl meets world fanfic #girl meets world fanfiction #gmw #zay babineaux #smackle x zay #zay x smackle #zaydora #zayadora

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girlwiththestories · 5 years

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Zay

For CL You’ve pushed me out of my comfort zone in ways you’ll never know.

It’s dumb. She should be studying, but she can hardly call this studying. She might be reading through her notes, but it’s not studying if her mind is a million miles away. It’s Wednesday, and she knows that Zay has ballet class this afternoon at the little corner studio just a few blocks from his house. She wonders if he’s wearing his purple hoodie or the black one from his favorite band. They both look so good especially with his black checkered gym bag. She does like his button-up shirts, but it’s always nice when he wears something out of the ordinary…

She wishes he would take the short subway ride up to her apartment. It’d be so nice to have company while she studies for her astrophysics final. Astrophysics is not his subject, but surely he could bring his own backpack and pull out something of his own to work on. Maybe she could even help him with it! She shakes her head. It’s a dumb idea. There’s no way she could focus better were he here. Trying to study side-by-side would quickly disintegrate into aimless conversation. She knows her own self-control when it comes to talking to people whose company she enjoys—it’s none. Still, it’d be nice to sit and talk to him. Perhaps when she was done (make that if she was done), she’d feel more like studying. If she’s honest, she knows she wouldn’t shut up until he left again and was as gone as he is now. Everyone always compliments her on being so well spoken, and perhaps that has something to do with her superior intelligence, but she has always known she likes the sound of her own voice.

Zay never being far from her mind has been a common thread lately. It’s getting so ridiculous and frankly rather cumbersome. She has been trying to not be obsessed lately, but if she’s honest, she admits whatever she’s doing is not working. The thought of him travels with her throughout the day like a friendly insect she can’t quite flick off. She has his schedule memorized, and million times a day, her brain stops her to ask where he is. A million times a day, she answers back accurately down to perhaps the hour. Every time she asks herself where he is, she sees him in her mind’s eye—at home, in class, at dance, riding the subway, or walking the streets of the city. As weird as it sounds, there’s this parallel reality where he’s always nearby. Right now, he’s in the corner studying—holding his finger to his lips whenever she ventures a word. At bedtime, he’s there to sing her to sleep. In the morning, he’s checking his phone and begging her to make sure she eats enough breakfast so she’s not cranky at lunchtime. It’s dumb. She’s never been so obsessed she was almost delusional before.

She can’t pinpoint an exact date when this all started although it probably was sometime last summer. She just knows it’s been growing and growing since then, and now it’s too big to ignore. She honestly is not sure what to do with it half the time. She never was this obsessed with Farkle. Maybe her Farkle smile always stretched so wide it hurt her face, and he always made her heart flip flop in her chest. Yet, she was content to let him go to robots club or eat dinner with his family or have a guys day with Lucas and Zay. She missed him, yes, but it was this happy ache that made her feel alive. With Zay, it’s so different she would hardly consider it the same feeling. It’s like he looms so large he has practically taken over her brain, and when he’s gone, all the alerts in her brain go off. It’s dumb when she sees him every day at school, and they have home economics together and always eat lunch at the same table. Still, it’s never enough. She always ends the day with her brain full to bursting with everything she didn’t get to tell him. She wants to tell him everything, and cliche as it sounds her heart echoes the lyrics of the Fleetwood Mac song in wanting to be with him everywhere.

She felt like she was going to fall apart when his grandma passed away unexpectedly in October, and he was in Texas for a whole entire week. The city although as full as ever had never felt more empty, and she wondered how she’d get through until he returned. It felt selfish to think of herself when he was the one grieving a loss, but she wanted to argue that she was suffering a loss too. Zay was gone, and nothing would be right in her world until he returned. She listened to every song that reminded her of him repeating every word until they were all written on her heart, and she counted down the days and the last day the hours too until he returned. That was when she knew that she was done for, and there was no recovering from it.

She still doesn’t have a good answer for why. Farkle was her first love, the one she had chosen as being perfect for herself, yet she can’t shake the feeling that Zay is the one she’ll never forget. Maybe it’s because he’s not Farkle? Maybe it’s because love isn’t a matter of finding someone who checks all the boxes? She’d be quick to blame her Asperger’s for not understand it, but maybe she’s just too young to have it all figured out. She just knows he’s so not Farkle. His grade point average is so low her past self would have considered it appalling. It’s somehow not appalling to her now. It’s this strange sort of endearing that fills her heart with fuzzy warmth. At one time, she wouldn’t have imagined associating with someone so unconcerned about their grades. She might try to inspire him to do better, but she’s not appalled anymore. He listens to Celine Deon, begs her to watch rom-coms with him, and dances every kind of dance under the sun. There’s this inherent, undeniable sappiness to him—she has always hated sappiness, but she somehow doesn’t mind knowing that she’s soaking up Zay’s sappiness like a sponge. She’ll take it especially if she can have his softness and kindness and warmth. It’s dumb because she’s always prided herself on not crushing like the other girls do, but she’d put up every single Zay poster to exist were there any. Perhaps her soul has been boy-crazy all along and just waiting for the right moment to show itself.

And Zay’s smile—she can’t get it out of her head. She has never noticed smiles before. Sure, she remembers Farkle’s cute little one, but it doesn’t hold a candle to the way she adores Zay’s. His teeth are so white she’s convinced that they hold some kind of magic, and she doesn’t believe in magic. All she knows is that his smile sparkles in a way she never knew smiles outside of a cartoon could sparkle. Maybe it’s dumb as it sounds, but she’s sure she adores everything about him.

She hears the sound of the doorbell echo through the apartment. She’s the only one home and has got to get the door. She hops up and half runs to the door. She glances through the peephole as her parents have always taught her to do. It’s Zay.

#zayadora #zaydora #girl meets world #girl meets world fanfic #girl meets world fanfiction #zay babineaux #zay x smackle #isadora smackle

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girlwiththestories · 5 years

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There’s no one else like him. It sounds so cliche, and she never imagined herself getting this sappy, but it’s true. In all the world, there is only one Dez, and she feels like the luckiest girl in the world because she gets to call him hers. She used to think he was quirky and a little weird, but still his heart has always won hers. He’s so passionate about everything, and it’s entirely genuine. He never has a malicious thought—he’s just as beautiful inside as he sees the world to be. She never knew she was looking for deep, but she knows now that she was. For a long time, her heart had been waiting for someone she could trust—trust enough to open her heart and let everything spill out. It wasn’t wrong when it knew Dez was that person. He hasn’t been afraid to watch her open up and admit her fears. He doesn’t need her to be perfect. He’s always loved some abstract essence of who she is—something that he can’t quite explain but is not lost no matter what happens. Sometimes she catches herself looking at him like he hangs the stars and feels her face flush. But it’s Dez, and how else can she respond?

#trez #austin and ally #dez wade #austin & ally fanfiction #austin and ally fanfiction #austin & ally #trish de la rosa and dez wade #married trez #trish de la rosa

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girlwiththestories · 5 years

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It’s not often that she reflects on who she’d be without him. She’s too busy living life and being who she is to stop and ponder why her life looks the way it does. But when she does stop, she is overwhelmed with the thought that she owes him so much. The Asperger’s diagnosis that was designed to give her access to the understanding and tools she needed to survive and grow ended up being devastating. Forever recorded in black and white were the ways that she would never be like anyone else. She wanted to fight it, but she had always believed that she was different. Someone—especially someone important agreeing with her—had made her think that that must be true, and she had accepted it. What else was she to do? With her acceptance of her diagnosis, though, darkness had descended on her soul. She can see know that it was the belief that Asperger’s was the bounds of her existence and dictated who and what she could become. As she grew older and entered high school, she began actively trying to change. Maybe she couldn’t stop herself from having Asperger’s, but perhaps if no one could look at her tell she was different, her life would be better. Thus had begun the rat race that had consumed her life. Her entire focus became proving to the world and most importantly herself that she was more than her diagnosis, that she could everything she had ever wanted to be. She had thought herself growing in success as the days passed until the fateful day when she and Farkle broke up and she realized that everything that she done could not make her right for him. It was then that she realized that it was all emptiness and that striving to change could never make her a different person than she was. Into that darkness, Zay had come—Zay with his never ending confidence in her. He had been different and had treated her differently than anyone ever had treated her before. He didn’t see a diagnosis, a list of symptoms, a less than human person. He saw someone beautiful, someone who was just perfect for him. She couldn’t believe him at first. It seemed impossible that someone could love her just as she was, but he did. And as the years have passed, she has learned to believe him, and his belief in her has changed her life. These days, she sees herself as being strong, beautiful, loving, and kind, and she knows that she owes it all to him.

#girl meets world #gmw #gmw fanfic #girl meets world fanfiction #gmw fanfiction #zayadora ff #zayadora fanfiction #zayadora #zay babineoux #isadora smackle

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girlwiththestories · 5 years

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Trish and Dez talk about being soulmates. *Companion piece to This is Love*

#austin and ally #austin & ally #trish #dez wade #dez x trish #trish x dez #trish de la Rosa and Dez Wade #trez #austin & ally fanfiction

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girlwiththestories · 5 years

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Companion Piece to This is Love

He arrives a few minutes late, parks his car, and walks into the smoothie shop. He can’t help but feel apprehensive. He doesn’t see Trish yet but knows that he will be face to face with her in a few moments. What is he supposed to do and say? He has no idea. For all of his daydreaming about his future soulmate, he has never thought about what he’d actually say to her once he found her. He’s only been thinking about it since last night when he texted her about meeting up, and he’s still not any closer to an answer. He guesses he’ll find out what he’ll say when it comes out of his mouth. He feels himself shaking and reminds himself why he’s here. If he doesn’t talk to her and goes back to LA without getting on the same page, he’ll forever regret it. He doesn’t want that. This needs to be settled.

He’s awkwardly standing close to the line by the counter but not in it when he sees the door open and Trish appear. He smiles. This may be one of the more awkward moments of his life, but at least he’s with Trish. She’s such a great friend, and seeing her just reminds him of how grateful he is to have her in his life. Maybe this actually won’t be that bad.

“Hey,” she says coming up and standing next to him.

He almost gives her a hug, but then he remembers that they’re soulmates and that this just might be the beginning of forever. He stops himself. “Hey, I see you’re here now.”

She laughs this shallow, half-snort, half-laugh. “I did agree to come.”

She’s got sunglasses at the top of her head, and her curls look so glossy in the florescent light that he’s thinking about how long it has been since he’s touched them. And he’s struck again with their history and all the beautiful memories of fun times they both carry with them. He can’t stop himself this time and pulls her into a hug. “I missed you,” he says into her shoulder.

“I missed you too, Dez,” she replies. “You can let go now,” she adds after a moment releasing her grip on him.

He’s just not sure what to say. She smells wonderful, and he’s sure he didn’t remember that her sense of style while not edgy enough for his taste is still on point. Today’s leopard print leggings, black cami, and jean shirt are the perfect choice for her. “How are you?” he ventures.

She smiles, and it’s a genuine one that makes him smile too. “Good. Busy, you know.”

“Yeah,” he replies. As they wait their turn, they make smalltalk, and somewhere deep down, Dez knows that in a few hours he won’t even remember what they talked about. His mind is way too occupied with the conversation that’s coming and the fact that he still doesn’t know what to say. They grab their smoothies, and he follows Trish to a tall table in the corner where they sit down. They’re finally facing each other, and seeing her face across the table makes him feel like he isn’t up for this after all. She’s smiling. He figures her smoothie’s good, but it somehow also looks like a mischievous smirk. He’s known her for a long time; he knows what her mischievous smirk looks like, and this is it. He can feel her eyes looking at him at him; it’s as if she has a bet with herself about how long it will be until he says something. They sit taking long sips of their smoothies, saying nothing for several minutes until he can take it no longer. He sets his smoothie down. It lands on its side, and as he catches it, he squeezes it sending some of the pink liquid out the straw and onto the table. After setting his cup upright again, he excuses himself to get some extra napkins and comes back and hurriedly cleans up the mess. “There,” he says setting the napkins in a pile. “All clean.”

“Never a dull moment with you, doof,” she says laughingly. Her eyes twinkle, and he’s not sure why he didn’t remember that they twinkle. He can’t recall them twinkling before, but he’s sure they have. He must have just missed it. They’re so pretty he wants to touch them. Since he can’t, he thinks that perhaps drawing or painting them would be the next best thing. There’s softness in her facial expression that makes her comment feel more like a compliment than an insult. That gives him courage. Even if she has some bet going, she still wants to hear whatever he has to say. She showed up after all. “So we’re soulmates.” It comes out so quickly he has to take a breath afterword.

“It would appear so.” Her tone is even and almost nonchalant.

He looks down at his smoothie. He can’t see her face as he says whatever is coming next. “I didn’t think…you know…I didn’t expect it would be you. It’s not that…that I didn’t want it to be or something.” He can feel himself stumbling over his words. This is exactly what he was afraid of happening. Why didn’t he plan ahead? He can’t stop now, so he just goes with it. “I had no idea who it’d be. I guess I just…I just didn’t think it’d be somebody I knew.”

He glances up. He can face her now that he’s not speaking. He sees hurt in her eyes and feels ashamed. He’d never want to hurt her. His hands find his straw as he continues. “It’s not that I didn’t want it to be you. I’ve just not known for so long, and now, I do. And you know, Carrie.” He’s bending his straw back and forth and can’t even string proper sentences together. “But that’s all taken care of now. I’ve always wanted my soulmate, and I…I want to give this a try.” He curses himself for sounding so tentative, but he can’t help himself. He just feels so tremendously out of his element.

“I’m glad you wanted to take the chance to talk it over. I really appreciate that.” He can’t read her emotions at the moment, and it scares him a little. “I’m not just your soulmate, Dez. I’m a person, and I don’t want that to get lost here. I’m not going to be some vehicle for your dreams.” She stops for a moment, and he’s not sure where she’s going. Her eyes are on the table as she continues. “I’ve done that before, and I’m not doing that again. I’m happy to talk, but all I’ve agreed to is coming here.”

He doesn’t know what to say. She’s right; she’s a person who deserves just as much if not more than he does. “I’m sorry,” he ventures. “Will you let me try again?” He can feel now that the stakes are higher, higher than they ever were with Carrie. He’s got to put it all out there. “I’m not even sure what I’m doing. I just knew I had to see you, and we had to talk this out before I go back to LA. I don’t want to pressure you or anything. I’ll accept whatever you decide.”

He looks up, and she nods. “Go on.”

“Thank you,” he says sincerely. “You’re too kind.” There’s so much graciousness in her giving him a second chance he doesn’t know what to do with it. He doesn’t deserve this kindness when he was the one who asked her here to tell her something and promptly hurt her feelings. But she’s not mad. He feels her eyes on him again, and it’s this intense stare that makes him feel like all of him is on display. There’s this discomfort in being so exposed, but at the same time, he knows it’s because she cares about him enough to hear what he has to say. He wonders if perhaps soulmates have more to do with coming across someone you could have this with than who you end up with after all. “But yeah, I do want to talk about it more. I used to have my heart set on this, but all those years…” He doesn’t know how to explain it. “I don’t anymore. I know life and even having a soulmate isn’t a fairytale. I just want to be where I’m supposed to be; I don’t want to be too afraid to do what I’m supposed to do. And it appears life has lead me to you.”

She smiles, but says nothing seemingly noticing that he’s not done.

“Even if it weren’t for the whole soulmates thing, I’d want to ask you out. You’re so pretty and more confident than I’d ever dream of being.” He feels a smile spread across his face. She’s so incredible. “But yeah, I think you’re an amazing person matching marks aside. Maybe the soulmates thing is making me do something and keeping me from being a lazy bum who doesn’t ask, but yes, I’m interested in you. I want to see what we have, what the future would look like if we were side-by-side.”

“Yes,” she says so quietly he’s not sure he heard correctly. “I’m up for giving this a try.”

He turns his voice to a loud whisper. “I’m so glad it’s you. There’s not many people who’d be okay with me being a bumbling idiot.”

She places her hand on his arm gently. “You’re not an idiot. You’ve never been an idiot. And the bumbling is actually very endearing.” Her eyes are twinkling, and he feels so warm inside. She loves him already. How did he get that lucky?

He’s so overcome with emotion that as if by impulse he walks over to her chair, places his arms around her, and kisses her. He immediately wonders if she’ll pull back; she doesn’t. When he stands up a moment later to catch a breath, his heart is racing. Before he knows it, she’s standing before him on her tiptoes trying to reach his face for another kiss. He leans down and obliges. She’s so adorable.

When they break apart a moment later, they do sit down again, but she grabs his hand. “So us?” she says.

“Yes,” he says his heart overcome with joy. He squeezes her hand. “Us.”

#trez #trez fic #dez x trish #trish x dez #soulmates au #soulmates #dez #austin and ally fanfiction #austin & ally

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