“The role of the artist is exactly the same role, I think, as the role of the lover. If you love somebody, you honor at least two necessities at once. One of them is to recognize something very dangerous, or very difficult. Many people cannot recognize it at all, that you may also be loved; love is like a mirror. In any case, if you do love somebody, you honor the necessity endlessly, and being at the mercy of that love, you try to correct the person whom you love. Now, that’s a two-way street. You’ve also got to be corrected. As I said, the people produce the artist, and it’s true. The artist also produces the people. And that’s a very violent and terrifying act of love. The role of the artist and the role of the lover. If I love you, I have to make you conscious of the things you don’t see. Insofar as that is true, in that effort, I become conscious of the things that I don’t see. And I will not see without you, and vice versa, you will not see without me. No one wants to see more than he sees. You have to be driven to see what you see. The only way you can get through it is to accept that two-way street which I call love. You can call it a poem, you can call it whatever you like. That’s how people grow up. An artist is here not to give you answers but to ask you questions.”
— James Baldwin, “The Black Scholar Interviews James Baldwin,” Conversations with James Baldwin (edited by Fred L. Standley and Louis H. Pratt)
As I do more of the inner work, I am transforming from the inside-out.
As my thinking aligns, my brain is reshaping itself.
My values are evolving, my purpose is getting clearer. The tools of my life's work are sharpened and my skillset is refined.
Naturally, I let go of old stories to make way for new experiences.
Then suddenly one day, I will hardly remember our story, if at all.
I will walk in the room and acknowledge you with respect, and a calmness that oozes absolute confidence, just as I would acknowledge any other stranger.
That's the kind of healing & growth I'm working towards.
To genuinely forgive and forget you.
To redirect all the energy I spent trying to convince you of my value, to knowing myself.
“The more I understand of myself and the more I understand of the temperament of those artists whom I admire, the more I am convinced that what separates talent from genius is nothing more nor less than confidence: the ability not to be frightened of making a fool of yourself. This is a dangerous thing to say. It opens the door to sheer bravura. But that is a very different thing from the kind of confidence I am talking about. Bravura comes from the desire to impress which in turn comes from the same fear of making a fool of yourself. The confidence I speak of is not made out of the opinions of others. It comes from solitude.”
When I say I would like us to build a home together,
what I really mean is I would like a place to rest. A safe space to be vulnerable, where I feel accepted as I am, while motivated to grow and to learn more about myself and the universe. A place to make love. To pray, to meditate, to heal and to forgive myself and others. To be seen, to be heard, validated and reassured. A place to hide when the world is unkind, and to cry and recover and plot my comeback. A place to spend the long weekends and holidays when everyone else has gone home and the town is silent and lonely.
I suspect that such a place must already exist within me and that I must discover it, dwell in it and feel at home. I pray that you also find your home within so that our connection feels familiar. It is maybe then that our fears would have settled down enough to allow us the courage to build one home together - choosing to trust in life, in love... forever ❤️
...it's getting lonely outchea. We've got lots to catch up on, to go for our goals, to face our fears, to stumble and fall, to cry and pick ourselves up, to forgive and to heal, to grow, and to prosper - choosing to trust in life, in love, forever...
If we honestly considered the way we treated the exes we left, we'd be deeply ashamed - we'd stop romanticizing the past and keep away from them indefinitely.
All this in realization that we ain't shit and that we deserve to be alone and miserable until humble enough to take accountability and re-evaluate the purpose of our existence.