hypomanicdaydream

[hypomanicdaydream]

do u guys ever get offended when ppl interrupt your daydreaming like?? hello?? i was clearly in the process of dissociating from reality completely. where is ur fucking respect??????

[hypomanicdaydream]

Anaïs Nin, from Linotte: The Early Diary of Anaïs Nin, 1914-1920

#madd #maladaptive daydreaming disorder #maladaptive daydreaming #idd

[hypomanicdaydream]

I don't remember much of my prozac induced year long manic episode.

But I remember the feeling after I got off of it finally. I finally came down, and it was so... peaceful.

I was going through a bad time, and coincidentally, I ran out of prozac just as I ended a very abusive relationship. I know now that I went into a really bad depressive episode, but it felt soo good after the last year. The quiet in my brain. I could finally think clearly again. I moved out of the house I rented with my ex and moved into a spare room in my girlfriend's house. I spent the next year hiding under her covers and reading. Nobody heard from me for most of that year. To feel invisible after that year of being so visible and embarrassing myself in front of so many people was a relief.

I don't remember most of the manic year, but I remember that year afterward really fondly.

[hypomanicdaydream]

lmao bye hide in brain time

[hypomanicdaydream]

My longterm daydream, one that I've been on for a couple years now, is one where two lord's daughters run away from their lives to be together in a cottage surrounded by flowers, in a beautiful, simple, hidden mountain town. This cottage would be my happy place in another life.

Anyway, one time I was playing with one of those dumb AI filters on TT, and someone posted "if you cover the lens, it shows you what's in your soul." And so I did, and this little picture of a cottage pops out, and it looks amazingly similar to the one in my mind.

And I know that's a stupid, silly little coincidence, but I think about it all the time.

#madd #daydream #immersive daydreaming #IDD #maladaptive daydreaming #maladaptive daydreaming disorder

[hypomanicdaydream]

its not psychosis its divine knowledge this time

[hypomanicdaydream]

going to the supermarket is sensory hell. cleaning is senory hell. clubbing is sensory hell. walking down the street is sensory hell. my bitch brain can't do anything

#how did you get a transcript of my internal monologs

[hypomanicdaydream]

I wish I could be more open about having bipolar disorder.

I wish it would make people understand.

I'm not stumbling over my words for fun. I take medication that evens my moods, but at the cost of my brain taking like 30 seconds to load before I can speak coherently. And if I don't let it, nonsense comes out.

I'm sorry about that. I can be mildly offensive when I can't get my words out right. And then, because Bipolar disorder is like 60% mood disorder and 40% embarrassment and anxiety, I sit there thinking about how I could have said it if my brain didn't take half a minute to buffer.

But nobody would understand that if I told them. All they would hear is "bipolar" which equates to "crazy" which equates to "dangerous," and nobody wants that.

#bipolar2 #bipolar 2 #bipolar disorder #bipolardisorder #hypomania

[hypomanicdaydream]

back in my “aggressively daydreaming to the point that i fully believe i’m in the same room as my person and i’m talking to them and my body language is matching theirs but i really just look crazy from everyone else’s perspective” era

#madd

[hypomanicdaydream]

utilising the gift of imagination to hallucinate moments of tenderness between fictional people

[hypomanicdaydream]

Kay Redfield Jamison, an unquiet mind

#bipolardisorder #bipolar 2 #bipolar #virginia woolf #night and day #an unquiet mind #bipolar disorder

[hypomanicdaydream]

your mental illness is mean and it’s a liar. You are never as horrible as you think. People love you. You are worthy

[hypomanicdaydream]

I knew I was getting better when...

I started telling people "I am so happy for you!" about their good news, and I really meant it.

It wasn't a jealousy issue at all. Just, before I got on my mood stabilizers, I could not... feel happy in a normal way. Unless I was absolutely overwhelmed by happiness, like so happy that colors looked brighter and music in my earbuds could send me into an inspiration frenzy, I didn't really know what happy felt like.

Now I'm on a good mix and suddenly I'm walking around outside and I see someone with pretty hair, and I'm like "Oh my god, her hair is so pretty!" And get excited and have to tell her.

I see someone post about getting into grad school and I genuinely get a little warm feeling and I'm so happy for them. It's weird to be 28 and having to say that I am just now, for the first time, experiencing what it feels like to just feel a little warm fuzzy because something nice happened to someone. But that's where I'm at.

I really like being able to feel things like a normal person. Genuine emotions that don't feel like a high and a crash. I'm not preoccupied with my own emotions anymore because they're just not making colors burn like they used to. Now I can be having a bad day, but my friend got a new car, and that's so nice for them. I bet they're really excited about that. I genuinely love that for them.

#bipolar

[hypomanicdaydream]

I don't 'write' my characters, I just watch them do stupid shit and write up the incident report.

#madd

[hypomanicdaydream]

me: i gotta focus on this beca-

brain: ladies and gentlemen,

me: please

brain: this is mambo no. 5

#my brain at all times when I'm manic #unless Im hyperfocused then we're on a whole different level lol

[hypomanicdaydream]

There are people out there that knew me in a bad time and I want to show them I’m okay now, that I’m not the same person, but the truth is that I’m terrified maybe I still am that crazy mess, it’s just buried deeper and hidden better.

[hypomanicdaydream]

Cleaning your entire room after being sad for a while is a different type of glow.

#hypomania #bipolardisorder #bipolar 2 #bipolar depression #bipolar