kyrieren

[kyrieren]

Yashiro’s Eyes.. An eye of hopeless despair and an eye of unbearable pain

The wish to forget; and the wish to remember forever

The desire to let go; and the desire to engrave his image in his memory

The numbing of pain; and the need to seek insufferable pain.

The hope to fly away; and the despair of the prison and burden forever weighing down on him.

[kyrieren]

Doumeki's irezumi

Irezumi (入れ墨, lit. 'inserting ink') is the Japanese word for tattoo, and is used in English to refer to a distinctive style of Japanese tattooing.

In chapter 53, Doumeki's back tattoo is revealed to be a "celestial maiden". Typically, irezumi incorporates motifs such as dragons, Buddhas, samurai, koi fish, and more, each carrying specific cultural and symbolic meanings referred to as wabori (和彫り). Intrigued by Doumeki's tattoo, I went asking if Doumeki’s tattoo is identified as any wabori and received responses suggesting it could represent either Nuwa (女媧) or Benzaiten (弁才天), given the details of snake and the stone in the goddess’ hands. After some research, Nuwa (女媧) seems to be more aligned with the story than Benzaiten (弁才天). However, I still present both of them and their possible interpretations in the story.

I. Nuwa (女媧)

Nüwa, is a mother goddess, cultural heroine in Chinese folk religion, Chinese Buddhism, Confucianism and Taoism. She is credited with creating humanity from clay by the river bank and repairing the Pillar of Heaven. Let’s focus on the myth of “repairing the Pillar of Heaven”.

The world of the first beings was very different from ours now. The earth was just in its infancy and was only separated from the sky by four very large pillars. One day, Gonggong (龔工), the god of water, and the god of fire, Zhurong (祝融) became locked in a massive battle that would determine the ruler of heaven. Gonggong, who was motivated by evil, ultimately lost the fight and crashed his head against Buzhou mountain—one of the four pillars holding up the heavens. The earth began to tremble and the pillar collapsed and ripped a hole in the sky. At this point, the earth was completely in tatters from Zhurong and Gonggong’s epic battle. Fires had scorched the earth, water was pouring incessantly from the hole in the sky. The ancient Chinese historian Sima Qian (司馬遷), recorded the following account of Nüwa’s heroic deed: “Hereupon Nüwa melted stones of the five colours to repair the heavens, and cut off the feet of the tortoise to set upright the four extremities of the earth. Gathering the ashes of reeds she stopped the flooding waters, and thus rescued the land.” From that moment on, the water in the heavenly palace no longer cascades on earth to cause harm to the people.

In mythology, Nuwa played a crucial role in repairing the sky hole and preventing heavenly water from pouring onto the earth. As rain – the water from the sky, the befallen suffering, is one of the main themes of Saezuru, the parallel is pretty evident. Given Doumeki’s persistence to stay in the yakuza world and his decision to have a wabori that big on his back, he is doing everything he can to manifest his devotion to stay on Yashiro’s side, end his suffering and protect him from any potential harms, even though up to the newest developments of the story, it doesn’t seem likely at all. They’re both confused and hurting each other.

II. Benzaiten (弁才天)

Benzaiten ( 弁才天 ) is the “goddess of eloquence" who originated mainly from the Hindu Indian Saraswati, goddess of speech, the arts, and learning. While Benzaiten retains many of the Indic attributes of Saraswati (as patron of music, the arts, eloquence, knowledge), she also has many unique aspects, roles and functions which never applied to the Indian goddess. As such, Benzaiten is now also associated with dragons, snakes, local Japanese deities, wealth, fortune, protection from disease and danger, and the protection of the state. Benzaiten is depicted in a number of ways in Japanese art, one of which is her portrait wielding a sword and a wish-granting jewel (cintāmaṇi). Eloquence and wish-granting? I haven’t been able to draw the parallel to Saezuru yet.

So I’d stick to the interpretation that Doumeki’s tattoo is Nuwa.

#saezuru tori wa habatakanai #saezuru #twittering birds never fly #doumeki chikara #囀る鳥は羽ばたかない #irezumi #celestial maiden #nuwa #mythology #yoneda kou #yaoi manga #tattoos

[kyrieren]

Great info abt Noh and great interpretation of Yashiro's act with both of his hands removing the mask.

Fireflies can only be seen at night

Less and less to know what will happen to Doumeki and Yashiro in that empty room. Having survived the shock of discovering that Doumeki did have a tattoo, as always I couldn't stop thinking about the mystery so I started to do some research.

After reviewing information about yakuza tattoos, I believe in the theory that Doumeki has been getting this tattoo, better known as IREZUMI, for quite some time and that the last retouching that was done helped Yashiro realize, due to the injuries, that he was tattooed While theories of what Doumeki got tattooed abound everywhere, I want to focus on the deeper meaning of the act itself.

First of all, with the tattoo reveal, Doumeki finally showed that he was serious when he said that he would do anything to stay in Yashiro's world, just look at his reaction upon finding out.

The last scene of the first arc shows us Doumeki plunging into the darkness going down the hospital stairs, then we see how he assures Amou that he is willing to go against his own principles in order to be close to "that" person and finally the statement he makes in the sake bar: "my time and my BODY belong to me", by the way, this is one of my favorite phrases. But words are carried away by the wind, so what better tangible display of his tenacity than getting a tattoo.

In Japanese culture, tattoos have always had a connotation related to the criminal world, so it is not uncommon for the yakuza not to display this art publicly, but there is something much deeper in the concept of privacy of Japanese mafia tattoos. Horiyoshi III, one of the most legendary and favorite tattoo artists of the yakuza, explains that he does not believe that they get tattoos to say that they are loyal to a group, rather it has to do with the ninkyō concept that means helping the people below you, therefore, when a yakuza gets a tattoo, he would want to show that he has the strength to help the weak. If we take this to saezuru I couldn't agree more because Doumeki finally had to reinvent himself to gain strength if he wants to protect Yashiro in any way.

Horiyoshi III (in the image) also explained that the yakuzas only tattoo themselves in places of the body that are protected by their brand new suits, tattooing hands and neck would be prohibited by the afore mentioned. With this information I think I can understand Yoneda's vision of not showing Doumeki tattooed until the precise moment in the story arrived, the final rapprochement with the person he loves. Why would Doumeki have to be showing us as readers something that is so private to him?

This last thing made me remember that I had a book called Junichiro Tanizaki's Praise of the Shadow. The author through different disciplines such as architecture, art, design, etc. It shows us that fascination that the Japanese have since time immemorial for what cannot be seen so clearly. One of the examples that interested me the most was when he recounted how beautiful the Noh theater of yesteryear was where there weren't too many advances in lighting. The old theaters barely illuminated left enough, the development of the works of the moment, to the imagination of the assistants.

When I read this I couldn't help but relate it to Yashiro's phrase "being a yakuza is like being an actor", every time I read these cartoons I thought about contemporary actors but what if Yashiro was talking about traditional Noh theater actors. These actors are almost completely covered with their clothing, only their hands and neck are visible because their faces cannot be seen either because of the masks they use to represent the different characters.

You don't know how excited I was when relating these facts and thinking about the moments in the manga where we discovered Yashiro wearing or removing that mask. On the other hand, Doumeki has always paid close attention to what Yashiro says and after several years it is not evident that he has become quite an actor to the point of deceiving many of the readers at some moments in the story.

My conclusion about the meaning and importance of the Doumeki tattoo is that Yoneda, as always, has masterfully known how to use Japanese tradition, delicacy and mystery to precisely show us everything under a dim light where each reader has to discover this story for himself because the beauty of all this is as Horiyoshi III said: "Fireflies can only be seen at night."

You know, if there are problems with the text, it's Google translator's fault. Thank you very much if you read this far.

[kyrieren]

In my opinion, the man-woman stuff is rather Yashiro's identity crisis than dysphoria. His stepfather's ramblings during rape had sabotaged his identity before he had any chance to figure it out himself. Deep inside he's so confused, not knowing whether he is a man or a woman. His body is definitely a man, but he likes men and prefers being penetrated, which is considered perverted in the homophobic world he's living. However, if he were a woman, then his stepfather's words would be true, which resurrects the trauma in its full brunt on him. "Man" and "woman" are so strictly archetyped in his head that there's no grey area in between. To him, men - tough, women - gentle. This may also contribute to why he is so repulsive against gentle sex or being treated with tender care, because it would make him a woman. He never knows his love for men and desire for gentle care don't make him any less of a man. In such a cruel and stereotypical world, he never knows, and it's purely tragic.

sorry for overthinking a sex scene (it will happen again) but it always bothered me that in chapter 10 yashiro cries during the threesome. you can count the number of times he's shown crying on one hand, and all of them are significant in some way. except for that one, right? or at least that's what it seems like at first.

looking at the scene with the knowledge of later chapters (specifically 25 and 27) and taking into account all the parallels between the unnamed man and doumeki, i prefer to read it as yashiro having a flashback similar to the one he had while having sex with doumeki for the first time. there is absolutely nothing concrete to support this and i don't necessary thing that it's intentional reading of the scene, but it does fit surprisingly well, all things considered.

you don't get to see yashiro's perspective or what he's feeling specifically at that moment. he doesn't say anything after he starts crying and his internal monologue stops right before. the man makes the assumption that yashiro's reacting that way because "it feels so good", but there's no confirmation of that and no other instances of him crying for that reason, at least not that we're shown. most importantly, it's the same excuse that yashiro uses later with doumeki. i don't think i can believe that the man's assumption was correct while the direct parallel to that is an obvious lie.

why that time specifically, though? it's been established that what yashiro is seeing can strongly affect his mental state. sunlight shining through a window at the wrong angle. a ceiling that looks a bit too familiar. and, in this case, a view of a woman's back while there's a man behind him. it's an uncomfortable parallel and i'm not sure what picking up on it says about me, but trauma is uncomfortable, and it's not like saezuru shies away from it, so neither should i. it's also worth noting that this chapter is from the same volume where you're shown the flashback for the first time, and specifically the version of it where you can see yashiro's mother.

lastly, yashiro's initial reaction to the flashback in chapter 25 makes me feel like it's not necessary a rare occurrence. which would make sense, considering how trauma works. "ああ、どうして今 | ah, why now?" to me both reads and sounds (if you listen to the drama cd) somewhat… casual, for the lack of a better word? it's not that he's surprised about the flashback itself, it's the fact that he's having it despite things being different this time, that he can't really escape it, that he's "broken beyond repair". which is for another conversation entirely, but the point is - i do think that yashiro's been dealing with it for majority of his life and simply got better at managing it over the years, or rather, convincing himself that he has it under control. he's only 19 at the time of the threesome, it would make sense that he'd be more shaken up by the flashback then than he is at 36 and not be able to fully hide it.

again, i don't necessary think that this is the intended reading. for all i know, it could be as simple as "it felt that good". but it fits, and it works, and things are rarely that simple in saezuru, so for my personal interpretation of the story i'm choosing to stick with it

[kyrieren]

Umbrella vs. Rain: The Driving Forces of Saezuru (3)

Note: my analysis relies heavily on visual elements

III. Aiai gasa (相合傘) - Under the shield of love

"相合傘 - Aiai-gasa" is a combination of the word "相合 - Aiai" - doing something together, and the word "傘 - gasa" - umbrella. Literally, it refers to the act of two people sharing an umbrella. However, as the word "Ai" is homophonic with "愛 - Ai" - love, "Aiai-gasa" connotes a derivative meaning: Love Umbrella. In "Saezuru", empathy and love are the umbrella that shields characters from the rain (or I believe so).

Yashiro vs. Mother & Child

The five panels on this page vividly embody the adage "A picture is worth a thousand words." Following Yashiro's forceful removal of Doumeki from the car, a profoundly expressive and iconic scene unfolds. The stark contrast presented is striking: Yashiro isolated in the car versus the Mother & Child duo outside, together under the rain. While Yashiro remains sheltered within the car, impervious from the rain, Mother & Child rely solely on an umbrella for protection. Yet side by side, the prowess of their bond shines through against the glooming backdrop. Their love acts as an impenetrable shield, leaving them unscathed. In stark contrast, Yashiro, who has just pushed away the person he loves and loves him back for mutual protection, finds himself alone. Despite the physical safety of the car, the rain metaphorically pierces through him in the darkness. It’s not the umbrella itself, it’s love that defends people against the rain. Yashiro has never had love before, but as soon as he has, he’s got no other choice than to let it go. That look in his eyes gives a mix of tragic resignation to his fate, the paradoxical coexistence of envy over and disdain for love, and the determination to give up love.

Fortunately, Doumeki refuses to give up on Yashiro, despite his cruel words. He quickly returns, bringing along an umbrella and water for medicine. His determination to stand by Yashiro's side and shield him is palpable. As soon as he enters, the car is brightened up and the rain retreats back to be outside of the car.

In this scene, Doumeki's arrival with the umbrella not only shields Yashiro from the rain's darkness but also symbolizes his loving presence guarding Yashiro off from his turmoil.

Although Yashiro may not yet be brave enough to acknowledge or confront his feelings, his expression subtly transforms from a frown in the first panel to something softer in the last. This instant change reveals the other side of Yashiro genuinely doesn't protest Doumeki's return, hinting at a hidden vulnerability beneath his tough exterior."

2. Moratorium

This cover is the scenery illustration of an extra where Yashiro has Doumeki run an errand to buy him an umbrella. For Yoneda sensei never half-asses anything, I'd like to take an approach regarding the characters' setting and the story's developments on this painting.

This marks the beginning of Yashiro and Doumeki's journey towards each other, as Doumeki endeavors to stand by Yashiro's side. Amidst the pouring rain, their bare heads stand out starkly in a sea of umbrellas, emphasizing the pain they both endure. In the bustling crowd, Yashiro remains motionless, a solitary figure amidst the chaos. The red light he is leaning against represents his childhood trauma and the yakuza world. Literally and metaphorically, Yashiro can't go even if he wants to. Yashiro's relaxed posture against the crimson glow signifies his reluctant acceptance of his date, a tragic resignation to his circumstances.

On the other side, Doumeki opts not to shield himself with the umbrella he carries and dashes to Yashiro with big strides. This bold act underscores Doumeki's unwavering commitment to protecting Yashiro, even at the cost of his own comfort and well-being. He willingly discards himself. That's why it doesn't end well.

3. Not yet Aiai gasa (相合傘)

When Doumeki returns, Yashiro's intuition clicks when he sees only one umbrella with him, but screws the idea of Aiai gasa right away by forsaking Doumeki drenched in the rain.

The 7th and 8th panel summarizes Saezuru until the end of the Hirata's arc - Yashiro pushes him away through assault, while Doumeki endures it all to remain by Yashiro's side. Aiai saga is meant to be two people under the umbrella, not one. Ironically, despite their deep affection and fierce desire to protect each other, their relationship falters due to a lack of mutual commitment to being together. Another significant contributing factor is their profoundly low self-esteem: Yashiro, feeling undeserving, violently pushes Doumeki away to protect him, while Doumeki, undervaluing his worth, tolerates mistreatment and violence for Yashiro's sake. In this sense, they both push Doumeki away, unable to bridge their emotional barriers.

In the 9th panel, Yashiro blames Doumeki for his tardiness. While Doumeki is indeed late, it's evident that it's not his fault. His arrival into Yashiro's world comes after Yashiro has endured immense suffering alone for a long time, leading to a coping mechanism that rejects Doumeki's presence. However, Doumeki's entry into Yashiro's life marks the end of the Moratorium. Yashiro can now begin to move forward, although the process is slow and painful, signifying a gradual progression towards healing.

By all accounts, in their complicated case, love love alone is not sufficient. Acceptance, self-appreciation, and the mutual wish to be together are essential components for Aiai gasa to work for them.

4. Aiai gasa (相合傘) - Under the shield of love

I'll be positive saying that Yoneda sensei has hinted at their happy ending in this poster for the Rain event, or at the very least, a phase where they accompany each other out of love.

This is Doumeki and Yashiro post-time-skip. The image of them under the umbrella signifies a mutual desire to be together at last. Doumeki holding the umbrella for Yashiro, who is already slightly damp from rain droplets, symbolizes Doumeki's belated but meaningful presence in Yashiro's tumultuous life. This time, Yashiro allows Doumeki to take care of him, indicating a shift in their dynamic. Doumeki's actions also suggest a growth in his self-esteem, from nothing to something.

Their interaction speaks volumes. Despite Yashiro's sulky expression and bombastic side eyes, Doumeki meets his gaze directly. This subtle interaction hints at their ongoing communication and mutual efforts to understand each other better.

Under the shield of love - Aiai gasa, they are navigating their complexities. Under the shield of love, anything is possible, I believe. The mutual understanding, if they successfully arrive, would not only empower them but also serve as a shield, safeguarding and freeing them from their birdcage.

Read the previous parts here:

Part 1:

Part 2:

#saezuru tori wa habatakanai #saezuru #twittering birds never fly #yashiro #doumeki chikara #doumeki x yashiro #囀る鳥は羽ばたかない #analysis #rain #umbrella #yaoi manga #yoneda kou #moratorium #モラトリアム

[kyrieren]

Umbrella vs. Rain: The Driving Forces of Saezuru (2)

Note: my analysis relies heavily on visual elements

II. Empathy - the first step away from the rain

Empathy is the solace that shelters the soul amidst the cascade of suffering.

Yashiro is astute. He reads people and the situation very quickly. For having suffered a shit ton yet still reserving a kind heart, Yashiro is an empathetic person. Witnessing Doumeki and his sister's emotional tug of war, Yashiro not only understands them but also saves their relationship, bracing Doumeki's way back to his family and the normal life even though Yashiro is attracted to him.

In "Saezuru," the act of giving someone an umbrella carries a symbolic message of "I wish for your suffering to end."

In this scene, Yashiro's look from a higher position can be interpreted as "I had suffered the same thing before you did", and the transparency of the umbrella he gives her allows him to still see her clearly, which can be read as "I empathize your anguish"

Yashiro's inquiries into Doumeki's past and the reasons behind his impotence evolve. Initially driven by curiosity, Yashiro's interest deepens after witnessing Doumeki's confrontation with Aoi, marking a shift from mere curiosity to genuine concern for Doumeki's well-being, prompting Yashiro to revisit the topic out of sincere care and empathy.

In this simple yet cinematic panel, raindrops trailing after raindrops on the glass window seem to be falling on Doumeki at the moment he is telling his story, representing a hurtful flashback. Meanwhile, Yashiro also takes a peripheral position in the frame, implying that he’s sharing the feelings and pain with Doumeki.

It’s Yashiro who prevents Aoi from being drenched in the rain. It's Yashiro who wipes the raindrops off Doumeki, signifying a symbolic act of cleansing - helping Doumeki shed his guilt and reconnect with his sister and family. These actions showcase Yashiro's compassionate nature and his will to alleviate the burdens carried by those around him, despite how much Yashiro himself has suffered from the "rain".

Touched by what Yashiro has done for him, it dawns on Doumeki that his boss is even more than his good look and charisma. Yashiro is kind-hearted, empathetic and incredibly resilient, a true beauty inside out. Likewise, Doumeki's feelings for Yashiro get deepened as the story progresses, to the extent that he persists in shielding Yashiro from the rain with his umbrella, no matter how hard Yashiro tries to push him away. It's the umbrella of love that Doumeki wishes to dedicate to Yashiro.

You can read other parts here:

Part 1:

Part 3:

#saezuru tori wa habatakanai #twittering birds never fly #saezuru #yashiro #doumeki chikara #yaoi bl #囀る鳥は羽ばたかない

[kyrieren]

Snow is rain at its worst - A comment on Saezuru's symbolism

Snow can be a lot of things, figuratively. In Saezuru, for the main theme is rain as befallen suffering, snow can't be any good. Indeed, snow is rain at its most extreme manifestation - Yashiro's ordeal ascending its zenith at nothingness. Here we have Yashiro, black and blue, naked under the snow, lying his body on the freezing ground confirming who he is to Misumi. Yashiro is at his lowest, undeniably.

In this part of the story, Yashiro finds himself adrift after high school, distanced from Kageyama, and no longer desired by his pedophile stepfather. He grapples with an existential crisis, feeling lost in a vast, empty void. Desperate for an anchor on the ground, he clings to the persona of a homosexual – slut – masochistic pervert he has adopted to survive his trauma. He tries his best to sell others and especially himself into it by exaggerating his persona exhibition to absurdity – lustful demeanor, overtly promiscuity with yakuza men, and invitation to violence and cigarette burn marks on him, in a twisted rejoice. In this scene, he pins himself down amidst the snow below and above, amidst the siege of the snow-white emptiness, with a body full of marks as proof of the identity he desperately clamps onto. He kinda succeeds.

Yoneda sensei's storytelling prowess shines through in her adept transitions. As Yashiro teeters on the edge of life and death from bullet wounds, she skillfully weaves in the backstory of his descent into the yakuza, drawing a parallel between past and present. In these moments, he never knows he’s alive until he’s about to die, pain becomes the stark reminder of his existence, jolting him out of his numbed detachment. Stripped of all protection against the biting cold, Yashiro's bare vulnerability calls for pain to rain on him, encapsulating the ultimate of his tragedy. Paradoxically, the absence of external restraints doesn't free him, but conversely, imperils his very being. His terrifying childhood trauma has completely destroyed his psyche and identity to the extent that he knows nothing else than perpetually reliving the simulation of it. Such a self-destructive lifestyle summons another demon. In collaboration, they imprison him in an abyss from which escape seems increasingly impossible.

Amidst the merciless snow, there’s merciless Misumi who manipulates Yashiro into the path of no return nor redemption, just perpetual agony. Another abuser in place of Yashiro's stepfather.

#saezuru tori wa habatakanai #saezuru #twittering birds never fly #yashiro #yaoi bl #snow #囀る鳥は羽ばたかない #symbolsim

[kyrieren]

ALL HAIL THE KING!!!!!!

In its 13th fucking year and all categories nominated? Twittering birds may never fly but this series definitely never sinks.

It’s my honor to have the chance to read such a subtle and complex BL. I’ve read many but Saezuru is always number 1 BL manga in my heart. Keep going, keep trampling my soul, I’m pleased you do so.

Saezuru won in all the categories it was nominated in for BL Award 2024!! 🎉🎉🎉

2nd in best series🥈

3rd in best BLCD🥉

Yashiro and Doumeki's VA's won 2nd and 5th places respectively 🥈🏅

#twittering birds never fly #saezuru #saezuru tori wa habatakanai #BL award 2024

[kyrieren]

Umbrella vs. Rain: The Driving Forces of Saezuru (1)

Note: My analysis relies heavily on visual elements.

It's impossible to overlook the pivotal roles of rain and the umbrella in "Saezuru". Rain cascades indiscriminately, looms around in moments of predicament, jeopardy, and inner turmoil. It embodies the cruelty and suffering that life offers, taking on a tangible form. On the other side of the frontline, the umbrella acts as a shield against the rain. Despite appearing small and insignificant compared to the rain, the umbrella is the one that the characters need – the manifestation of care, understanding, empathy, and love. Ultimately, it is love that truly shields them from the onslaught of the rain.

I. Rain - the befallen suffering

They are the most vulnerable, being bareheaded.

Rain is a character that makes its debut in the oneshot and is officially introduced by Yashiro in chapter 2 as the pitfall that is hard to get out. As long as you are alive, it seems impossible to do so, for suffering is life itself. This is true for Yashiro, caught in childhood trauma, burdened with unrequited love, and the ordeal of the yakuza world.

Kageyama

The first time rain appears is in the oneshot with Kageyama, bareheaded under the downpour at his father's funeral, which emphasizes his profound loss.

2. Doumekia & Aoi

Followingly, rain ensnares Doumeki and his sister, Aoi in its claws. Each of them is besieged by personal turmoil, yet they both converge at the crossroads of guilt. Doumeki wrestles with self-reproach for abandoning his sister despite her pleas, leading to the rape, while Aoi blames herself for Doumeki's imprisonment and his descent into the unforgiving world of the yakuza, a path of no return.

In this scene, Doumeki presents bareheaded to Aoi, when Aoi, despite having received an umbrella from Yashiro, discards it in confrontation with her brother - a stark visualization of their mutual vulnerability in this emotional tug-of-war. Meanwhile, at the page bottom, Yashiro stands unscathed under a black umbrella, impervious to the rain, playing the role of an observer amidst their turmoil.

3. Doumeki & Yashiro - The first time they have sex

Rain is also an indication of psychological hang-ups, which climb to the climax when they have sex for the first time. In this scene, Doumeki is carrying Yashiro upstairs to his apartment, both are exposed to the rain without the protection of an umbrella. Under the rain, they are defenseless and vulnerable. A predicament unfolds.

The mental wrestling is palpable for each of them. Doumeki's tender love is evident as he tries his very best to treasure Yashiro, which is demonstrated in his attempt to shield Yashiro from the rain with his jacket, though it's all in vain eventually. Despite his efforts, both of them end up getting soaked. This is when past and present intertwine, when the rain of the present drags Yashiro back to the fait accompli he's trying desperately his whole life to decline—he is the victim, the rape does ruin him, and he can’t confront his own emotions. On this page cover, though Yashiro is under the roof with Doumeki beside him, the rain still hurts him deeply.

Ironically and tragically, Doumeki's love and gentle care, meant to comfort and protect, inadvertently break through Yashiro's defense mechanism, causing him pain. This sabotages Doumeki's feelings too.

4. Douemki & Yashiro - the end of the Hirata arc

Last but not least, Saezuru's powerful closure of the Hirata arc is not completed without the attendance of the rain.

They try to save each other. From Hirata, successfully. From the rain, yes and also no. The expression on Yashiro's face is complicated. In the moment of suicidal attempt, he clings to the deceptive desire to "sully the beautiful", to "hurt those I hold dear".

It is a blatant lie, for although he doesn't need his own life, he has done everything he could to save Doumeki, the man he deeply loves, even if he has to be cruel to get him away. Nevertheless, eventually Doumeki still comes for him. That soft look on Yashiro speaks volumes when he touches Doumeki's wound. It could be either relieved or helpless, or both. In the final panel, injured and exhausted, they collapse, allowing the rain to drench them. Yoneda sensei cleverly emphasizes the imagery of grass. Grass, akin to a fragile baby bird, and flower representing beauty and life, which are associated with Doumeki in Yashiro's mind. However, Yashiro doesn't ever realize it is him who is truly beautiful and resilient.

As a plane passes overhead, a fleeting respite from the rain spares the grass before it resumes its relentless task.

The presence of grass in the final scene can be interpreted in multiple ways. It can be Doumeki, or it can be Yashiro. Grass can also be taken as a metaphor for life. Are the lives spared? Literally, yes, for the notorious rain to keep harassing it. So is it a no? Not quite. Just as the grass needs rain to thrive, Yashiro must confront the pain of the truth and the pain of giving up his coping mechanism, which has been engraved in his bones, so that he can finally be liberated and "live" to the full meaning of the word, not just exists in torment. However, among many paths to death, there is only one path to life. The outcome remains uncertain, but there is a chance, indeed, it's upon Yashiro to take it or break it.

In hindsight, rain is not such a villain after all.

Read the next parts here:

Part 2:

Part 3:

#saezuru tori wa habatakanai #saezuru #twittering birds never fly #yashiro #doumeki x yashiro #analysis #rain #visual #yaoi manga #囀る鳥は羽ばたかない

[kyrieren]

Saezuru's first bathtub scene: Vulnerability and sympathy

To be frank, I’m quite in the dark about bathtub scenes, so this is just my personal interpretation mainly based on what the image presents. Moreover, this scene is the most simple out of the three.

In the first chapters, this scene happens after Yashiro successfully reconnects Doumeki with his sister and he's been performing sexual acts on an impotent Doumeki, which clearly showcases he's attracted to him. Then he asks Doumeki to help him in the bath.

Taking a bath is an utterly private act, yet it’s still water, it’s somehow similar to the infamous rain in Saezuru. Immersing oneself in the bathtub is the moment when he reflects himself, both literally and figuratively, but as broken as Yashiro is, the bathing - the reflection is anything but enjoyable. He’s soaking wet, kept in his mental cage (and at this moment, not letting anyone in). In this specific context, Yashiro was saying that he’s not having sex with Doumeki who seems gentle in bed, though he's been sexually playing around with him. This is exactly the torturing catch-22 of Yashiro that the story focuses on, he can’t have sex with the affection of the one he loves without compulsive repulse, even if he wants to. In this scene, the camera angle makes Yashiro’s action of wiping his face look like crying, with lots of tears flooding through his fingers. He’s so alone, in pain, silently crying his heart out without anybody knowing, even himself (until Doumeki comes).

Fortunately, what Yashiro insists on keeping for himself minds Doumeki.

Doumeki ‘s concern for Yashiro’s pain is visualized in the scene where the water in the bathtub touches his feet, which are very sensitive parts of the body. Yashiro’s agony touches Doumeki’s soft spot. Look at that sad expression on his face. Doumeki deeply feels him. Despite being that fucked up, Yashiro cares for other broken souls, cuts Doumeki some slack of his guilt, and helps him make up with his sister, Yashiro is not only attractive and charismatic, he's compassionate and vigorous, a beauty inside out. From the moment Doumeki acknowledges the true Yashiro and the despair deep down in him, a quiet love starts to sprout in Doumeki's heart.

#saezuru tori wa habatakanai #twittering birds never fly #saezuru #bathtub #doumeki chikara #yashiro #yaoi bl #tragedy

[kyrieren]

Solar Eclipse Shadows

These solar eclipse shadows form due to the distance between the sun and the leaves on the trees. The distance and the proximity of the leaves to one another cause for a "lensing" type effect, making the eclipse shadow clearer to the human eye.

[kyrieren]

It's hard to imagine there's a word that actually exists to carry this moment.

[kyrieren]

Fish, pointillist birds, grapple, Sondheim, and frank O’Hara

[kyrieren]

Once again, it's the trauma that distorts Yashiro's psyche. Normally, people associate sex with affection, they're united, but Yashiro has to separate them apart so he can believe that mentally, he wasn't hurt at all, and he was not the victim (and you know how he deals with the physical part - he convinced himself that he likes pain). The true pain, the emotional damage, is too overwhelming for him to handle. Therefore, sex is just about the body, he can let it be whatever it is, while his emotions are so detached that he can manage to protect them. Having sex with the person he loves will unite sex and affection again, feeling something at all kicks off his capability of emotions, not to mention feeling good is even worse for its contrast to how the rape really felt, all of which imperils Yashiro's coping mechanism and forces him to acknowledge the true pain.

I'm going to mention the oneshot again to demonstrate what I've said lol :)))) In the oneshot, Yashiro thinks about Kageyam's crying face when he jerks off. In his mind, Kageyama is neither top nor bottom, there's only that expression of him, it's his emotion that touches Yashiro. Basically, Yashiro is aroused (or I say, moved?) by Kageyama's sincerity. He never touches his behind while doing so, or in other words, he doesn't associate his feelings with sex with Kageyama at all. Digesting his emotions by masturbating is the most trajectory thing to sex he can come at and deal with.

Now return to our Doumeki. Doumeki is the only underling that Yashiro has performed sexual acts with because: 1. he is Yashiro's type, he wants him, 2. Doumeki's impotence keeps Yashiro away from the intersection of sex and affection. Without either of these, I don't think Yashiro will instigate anything.

Question to Saezuru fandom!

Does anyone have any ideas / can someone pls explain

In the beginning, Y is the one to initiate sexual contact with D even tho prior he said he wouldn't "touch any one of his underlings". Correct me if I'm wrong but D is the first one he's "touched" / initiated sexual contact with (tho there was this underling prior who fell in love with Y right? Did Y do any thing with him?)

Y keeps sucking D off until D because potent again

And since then he hasn't at all initiated anything with D

I think I already know the answer but I wanna hear someone else articulate it.

Why does Y keep sucking D when D is impotent but since D is no longer impotent with Y, Y initiates nothing when technically, Y is the one who started all this in the first place!

#saezuru tori wa habatakanai #twittering birds never fly #yashiro x doumeki #analysis #yaoi bl #saezuru

[kyrieren]

"Saezuru" in brief :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ

❎ A perverted masochistic yakuza young boss takes in a new bodyguard who happens to be impotent and they fall in love

✅ The main characters are deeply in love but I desperately beg them to not have sex!

#saezuru tori wa habatakanai #twittering birds never fly #saezuru #doumeki x yashiro #yashiro #doumeki chikara #yaoi manga #yaoi bl

[kyrieren]

Oh, it's my honor to be your first ask! I'd like to express my humble interpretation of Yashiro's coping mechanism as well. I agree that his mask of being a sadist/ masochist/ slut, and his effort to internalize that persona, convince himself that it's his nature and he likes all the deeds are the ultimate painful survival strategy, but there is no way he wants to find the good side of his stepfather or all men taking advantage of his mental illness and violently abusing him. He's doing everything at his best to deny that he's the victim by making himself believe that the raping can't do him any harm, it just happens, no one is at fault, so he's not going to harbor animosity against nor blame anyone. You can find the evidence when he's talking to Nanahara about family, he says when parents or children betray each other, it's just natural that way and there's no one to blame.

Additionally, I think because Saezuru is a story about such a horrible trauma that Yashiro and Doumeki's intimate scenes (penetration included) make me crumble, and I just wish they didn't do it. Every time they have sex, things get worse between them because Yashiro is too broken to be capable of making Doumeki understand that he loves him and longs for tenderness, and Doumeki is frustrated while concealing his true feelings. Though as much smut as there is, sex doesn't solve anything, which I think Yoneda sensei is trying to make Yashiro admit. He only needs somebody to sincerely care for him, love him, and touch him gently, which has nothing to do with sex or sexuality, probably. Times, when he gets hard mentioned in the story, are for tender care from Kageyama and Doumeki. I doubt that he's interested in sex at all, with men or women. My conclusion is, as he's merely surrounded by men, he only has the chance to encounter somebody who can gently love him among those men, so I guess we never know otherwise scenarios.

Is Yashiro’s sexuality innate or his another coping mechanism against his trauma, as if the trauma is too early (he said himself that he was raped even before knowing what affection was) and too severe that his brain restructures itself to survive?

Hi @kyrieren ! You are my first ask woo! 🥳 I am not a neuropsychiatrist however 😅 neither am I a psychologist, all I can give you is my personal opinion, and it may be very scientifically inaccurate!

However, I can add a caveat that I have personal experience with trauma (not Yashiro-type trauma tho) and I do have some friends irl who have had childhood trauma and these are merely my layman observations + research 🧐

Childhood attachment is an attachment theory of how we learn to develop, cope and bond with people in the world. It's said that your romantic attachment style will be your childhood attachment style because it's what you've grown up with, what you know, how to deal with the people closest to you. Romantic relationships tend to bring out your attachment style because parental and romantic relationships are usually the closest you are to another human being.

Given that childhood attachment teaches us how to relate to the world and people, this becomes familiar and what we know.

The worst childhood attachment style: insecure disorganised attachment.

This is when a child is betrayed by the caregivers around them, who are meant to provide a safe, secure, loving base and instead what the child receives is physical, sexual, emotional or neglectful abuse.

The brain gets fucked, it's scrambled, a child cannot comprehend what is happening. All you know as a child is that mom/dad/uncle/etc is hurting you and they are your caregivers, who you rely upon in this world.

Unfortunately, it is unbearable to think as a child that mom/dad etc is bad (how are you to cope / survive if the people you rely upon are either bad or don't love you?) so unfortunately what tends to happen are the following:

The child starts to think they're bad

The child starts to rationalise that they must deserve the punishment

That punishment is misconstrued as an act of love / given a positive spin

None of these are verbalised / articulated / rationalised states. A lot of the time they are subconscious, automatic.

Enter Yashiro.

IMHO, Yashiro's betrayal from his caregivers, his insecure disorganized attachment (which also he displays avoidant attachment traits too), is so severe that he has warped the trauma into a good thing. It is unbearable for him to think that his mom and step father have betrayed / abused him to such a degree so he has taken the most painful part of it, and fooled himself into thinking "it wasn't so bad, kinda liked it".

So in his adult sexual relationships Yashiro, in my opinion subconsciously, finds himself acting out the abuse again and again: hands tied, taken from behind, can't see the face. And claims this is his preference.

To deal with all the trauma, Yashiro's brain has combined the severity of the trauma that has left its mark upon his brain with "oh I'm addicted to sex, and sex in this particularly painful way" without adding everything together.

This fucked up way Yashiro has sex is his trauma and attachment all combined. Unspoken within the attachment are things like: this is what I must do to feel safe, this is what I must do to survive / get on the good side of this person.

Yashiro has a kind of detachment to his trauma or so he claims, yet it is so embedded in his brain as the norm that it's his preference because this type of sex is what is familiar.

So yes Kyrieren, in answer to your question, Yashiro's sexuality is his coping mechanism.

It's what he had to put up with to survive, and his brain has now twisted it to think it wasn't so bad, maybe he even liked it. It makes the trauma more digestible to Yashiro this way.

ENTER DOUMEKI.

Doumeki threatens this entire narrative Yashiro has given himself to cope, "oh I like sex this way, it's not so bad, I don't feel anything otherwise, this is what I want".

Yashiro HAD to believe he wanted / wants sex this way because he had no other choice. He was raped and abused. And he has done as best as any trauma survivor could.

Doumeki represents choice and also a shattering of Yashiro's previous beliefs and the super uncomfortable mirror that what happened to Yashiro was not OK, he was betrayed, painful sex is not the norm, nothing to do with his abuse is OK - he is now allowed and able to choose another way. But this is unfamiliar and scary for our dear Yashiro, and holds a lot of painful realisations.

Thanks to Kyrieren for asking the question!

[kyrieren]

True, I’m never horny about the sex scenes, at the opposite, I feel destroyed and lately confused, which must hace been the result of Yoneda sensei’s brilliance. The brunt they wreak on me is unprecedentedly powerful.

As tragic as Yashiro and his bond with Doumeki are, there’s been a recessant fear that they won’t get to the happy ending together, no matter how deep they’re in love, like even love can’t be their messiah. To me that’s the ultimate of tragedy.

Okay, chapter 57 of Saezuru!

So, we're at an impasse again.

I don't want to see anyone shitting on Yashiro here, though I know inevitably there's going to be people doing that, and probably people shitting on Doumeki, too. I think what people need to constantly remind themselves of while reading this story is that, at it's heart, it's a story about trauma, and the difficulty, sometimes near impossibility, of ever fully overcoming that trauma.

I know some people are going to talk badly about Yashiro's reaction to Doumeki, regarding especially the moment when he pushes Doumeki away from him. They're going to grow frustrated and say he's sending Doumeki mixed messages, etc, etc... But Doumeki is also doing the same.

Doumeki, at this point, seems to me to be operating out of frustration, while Yashiro is still operating out of fear.

I felt like the pivotal moment of this chapter came after Doumeki turns Yashiro around and, for just a moment, lets his mask drop. When Yashiro makes his comment to him about him "making a face like (he) wants to do it really badly", I felt like Doumeki had an opportunity here that he blew. I'm not blaming Doumeki, let me just say right off, so that nobody misunderstands what I mean. But I think Doumeki still doesn't quite understand what's wrong with Yashiro. I think he thinks Yashiro is playing games, but he's not. Doumeki saw Yashiro's earlier moment of pushing him away when he started kissing and licking at his leg, when he was being gentle with Yashiro, and I think likely took Yashiro's comment about the face he was making as a mocking statement.

The awful part here is, it was a statement made in earnest.

So was Yashiro's reaction to pushing Doumeki away.

Yashiro is still triggered by gentle treatment. Look at his face when Doumeki starts licking at his leg, as he remembers four years earlier, to the first time they had sex. His expression is horrified. He's scared. He's traumatized. He's giving a trauma response to what's happening. You can tell by his reaction after pushing Doumeki away that it wasn't even a conscious thing he did. His body just reacted. He has this wide-eyed, shocked look, like he doesn't know what just happened.

And then Doumeki lets his frustration and probably some anger dictate his response, which is to manhandle Yashiro onto his stomach and take him from behind. Again, it's really important to watch Yashiro's reactions here to understand what's going on with him, I think.

Once again, his face is stricken. You can tell he doesn't want this at all. He even looks frightened for a moment, and then in pain as Doumeki pushes into him.

The thing is, Doumeki doesn't want this either, but like I said before, I think he's operating out of a place of frustration and anger. He lets his frustration with Yashiro's seemingly contradictory behavior push him to be forceful with Yashiro. But it doesn't last long. Doumeki then turns him again onto his back, and that's the moment he lets his mask drop, and Yashiro makes his comment about his expression.

Again, I think it's vital to understanding what's going on with Yashiro to also pay attention to his own expressions. He reaches for Doumeki's face, and smiles at him, and the look in his eyes is very soft. You can tell he means it, what he says to Doumeki, and you can tell he genuinely longs for it, for Doumeki to look at him the way he once did, with that gentle kindness and genuine desire.

If Doumeki understood what was really at the heart of Yashiro's issues, I don't think he would have reacted the way he did. He makes a mistake here when he pulls Yashiro's hand away, and even squeezes down painfully on it. Yashiro's reaction is one of confusion. He doesn't understand why Doumeki is suddenly back to being cold. He says "Huh?", when Doumeki tells him "What a nostalgic thing to say.", before once again forcefully pinning him down. Again, I think Doumeki thinks Yashiro is playing games, but he's seriously not. His response to Doumeki's gentility is a trauma response. He's still triggered by that kind of treatment, while simultaneously longing for it. He doesn't mean to be sending Doumeki mixed messages. This is what I mean when I say people need to keep in mind that this story is, at its core, about trauma and the ways it manifests. His responses to Doumeki aren't a conscious thing on Yashiro's part. He can look back at them retrospectively and think about them, like he does at the end of this chapter, but in the moment, I don't think it's voluntary at all. I think if Doumeki had taken that opportunity to just be honest with Yashiro, to tell him how he really feels, it would have been met with honesty from Yashiro in turn, because I don't think Yashiro is being dishonest at this point. I think his responses to Doumeki are all real. He says at the end of the chapter "I'm full of contradictions", a direct callback to when Yashiro was a teenager and he thought the same about himself. He's both genuinely triggered by Doumeki's gentility, and at the same time, wants it desperately.

The heartbreaking thing here is, Yashiro is blaming himself for fucking it all up again. He compares himself to livestock that can't change, and says he's completely incapable of growth. Yashiro's self-loathing is on full display. He really believes he'll never be able to move past the seeming contradictions inside him, contradictions he's felt since he was a boy. The longing for love, the deep desire to be loved, and yet, because of the severe abuse he suffered, his inability to receive that love without succumbing to a terrified, panicked response. It's Yashiro's trauma, rooted in what his stepfather did to him for years, that's preventing him from fully embracing Doumeki's love. He wants to, but he can't.

And that's the thing, too. Yashiro has always been aware of the contradictions in himself. He spoke about it as a teenager, about how he wanted to hurt Kage, but how he knew he would be hurt if Kage rejected him. That's where Yashiro misunderstood himself, though. He never wanted to hurt Kage. That was Yashiro's warped perception of himself, the part of him that thinks he wants to destroy beautiful things. It's not that. He's always just been afraid because affection triggers him, and so he convinced himself he wants to be abused, that it's his fault he's been abused because of that, as a means of coping with the way that abuse has destroyed him.

Exacerbating all of it is Doumeki's refusal to drop his mask of indifference. Again, I'm not blaming Doumeki. He's understandably frustrated, and I think starting to become angry, because he thinks it's simply a situation in which Yashiro is refusing to be honest with him about his feelings. He thinks Yashiro is messing with him, so he responds by pretending like he feels nothing for Yashiro. I don't think he realizes that he's only affirming for Yashiro his own fears that he's managed to turn Doumeki against him, that he lost Doumeki's love for him by pushing him away before, which only makes it all the harder for Yashiro to, essentially, ask for help. And Yashiro needs help. He can't do this on his own. He can't process his trauma and explain what's happening to him, explain what he's feeling, without understanding.

I don't think Doumeki understands Yashiro right now. I don't think he understands what's wrong with him.

Yashiro thinks about Doumeki with Izumi, and thinks about himself as a teenager, alone, and correlates his seeming inability to change with that aloneness. Doumeki has moved on from him, he believes, he's found an emotional connection and partner in Izumi, while Yashiro remains stuck in the same place, forever destined to be cut off and isolated from all, human affection.

He needs help. He needs someone to help him work through this, to cope with the fact that he both longs for kindness, gentility and love, while those things also terrify and repulse him and trigger a flight response in him. Yashiro isn't doing this on purpose. He's not lying. His natural inclination and desire for love and kindness is coming into direct conflict with his trauma, with the way those things, as a consequence of the abuse he's endured, have rendered love and kindness triggering to him.

I don't think Doumeki can help him until he figures out that Yashiro isn't being dishonest, but that he's trapped by his own trauma. Until he figures that out, until he realizes just how damaged Yashiro is, he's going to keep pretending he doesn't care about him, either as a punishment, or in some crude attempt to force him into acknowledging his feelings, which ultimately is having the opposite effect. It's only pushing Yashiro into a deeper hole of self-loathing and fear, only reaffirming for him every negative thought and feelings he's ever had about himself.