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How are you doing today, buddy?
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Recollection
Masterpost | Read on Ao3
Elze'ith confronts Lord Denholm about his mental manipulations.
For @whumpril Day 15: Mind Games.
Contains: Intimate whump, captivity/gilded cage, temporary amnesia, mind control, begging, manipulation
~~~
“Milord?”
Elze’ith’s pulse pounded in his ears, but he held firm, knocking lightly at the door to Lord Denholm’s study. As nervous as he was, he couldn’t continue on without addressing the uncertainty and fear lingering in the back of his mind. Best to confront Lord Denholm now, when they were both calm, when Elze’ith could afford to take whatever consequences his boldness might bring.
“Come in.”
The fire in the hearth bathed the room in warm light, but did little to ease the chill in Elze’ith’s bones as he stepped into the study. Lord Denholm was sitting on the large, plush couch, a tome in his lap, a curious expression on his face. “Ah, my light. What brings you here at this hour?”
He gestured at the spot next to him; after hesitating for a moment, Elze’ith sat. It took an effort of will not to wring his hands. He wasn’t used to direct confrontation, but he knew it was unwise to let his apprehension show. “I… was hoping to talk to you, Milord.”
“Of course.” Snapping the tome shut, Lord Denholm offered a beneficent smile that did nothing to assuage Elze’ith’s anxiety. “What is on your mind, my light?”
He took a deep breath. Steadied himself. “I… have been noticing some… oddities.” Even after all of his time thinking and preparing, now that he was trying to bring things forward, he couldn’t quite find the words. “In recent… weeks,” he paused, struck not for the first time that he didn’t know how long he had been in the castle. Shoving the thought aside he pressed on, “I… have felt at odds with my own mind. Threads of thought and reasoning that I lose and cannot reclaim, emotions that are not fully my own…” He averted his gaze, trying to suppress the shudder that wanted to rip through him. “It has been… disconcerting. And it started when I came to stay with you here.”
There was no direct accusation that Lord Denholm was causing any of this. He didn’t dare. But the implication remained; something strange was going on in Elze’ith’s mind, and he knew that Lord Denholm had to have something to do with it, one way or another.
“I see.” Lord Denholm placed his hand on Elze’ith’s thigh, the gesture making him tense ever-so slightly. It didn’t matter than he didn’t want to be touched right now. It never seemed to. “I can see why this would be distressing, my light. I am glad that you came to me about this.”
Something like hope flickered in Elze’ith’s chest. He didn’t dare kindle it. “Of course, Milord. I… do not know who else I would turn to.” As painful it was to admit, it was true. And maybe admitting it would help get him the relief he sought.
“What must it feel like, to not be able to trust your own mind.” Lord Denholm’s voice was calm, as though he were idly musing, even as his aura thickened with animus. The small flicker of hope in Elze’ith’s chest immediately extinguished, replaced by dread. “To know you are forgetting things, to not know where your thoughts and emotions originate…”
Elze’ith swallowed. “Milord?”
The weight of malice in the air thickened. In the back of his mind, Elze’ith felt the lingering presence of Lord Denholm grow stronger as something seemed to slither inside, as though it were rooting around for something. A gasp tore itself from his lungs, his eyes wide with confusion and uncertainty and fear.
“I wonder just how frightening it could be.”
The slimy, slippery thing in his mind sunk into something and twisted. Pain lanced through his skull, making Elze’ith double over. Though the pain faded quickly, it was replaced by a wave of dizziness, a sense of overwhelming wrongness that settled over him and didn’t go away. It took him several long moments to collect himself, and even then the profound sense of unease didn’t fade, nor did the knowledge that he was far less alone in his own mind than even he was accustomed to.
Gasping and trembling, he looked up. He was in Lord Denholm’s study. There was a fire in the hearth. Lord Denholm was next to him, hand on his thigh in a way that made his skin crawl. There was a tome resting innocently on the table in front of them.
He didn’t recognize the book on the table, had no idea if he had read it. He didn’t recall coming into the study; it could have been minutes or hours ago. He didn’t remember anything beyond waking up this morning, and his eyes widened as he realized his entire day was one strange, hazy blur.
What had happened? Why couldn’t he remember?
(The presence in his mind burrowed deeper.)
“Light?” Lord Denholm’s voice snapped him out of his terrified thoughts. Elze’ith turned, eyes locking onto Lord Denholm’s curious expression. “Is everything alright?
No, it wasn’t. But he couldn’t say that, all of his instincts screaming that he wasn’t safe, that something was wrong. There was too much dark delight radiating off of Lord Denholm for him to feel otherwise. “I— I am alright. My apologies, Milord.”
“Oh?” Lord Denholm’s eyes seemed to sharpen. “Are you sure? Tell me what’s going on in your head, my light.”
Elze’ith knew it wasn’t a request even before he felt the pressure on his mind, almost painful alongside the dizziness that still clouded his thoughts. “I do not remember anything from today. I do not remember coming into the study, or anything we were doing prior to this moment.” His voice shook. His entire body shook. But he kept speaking. “I— I am very afraid. I do not know what has happened. I do not know if you took something, Milord, or if I just forgot, and both of those possibilities are terrifying. Especially because it could happen again, and I could lose even more,and I know I could not stop it. And I do not want to admit how frightening it is, and I do not want to lay the blame at your feet, because I am even more afraid of what you might do now.”
A hollow sense of dread gripped his bones the more he spoke, the more he was forced to confess. Sharing his fears, especially with the man at the center of them, was somewhere between mortifying and horrfying. More importantly, though, despite the fact that he had suspected for a while now that Lord Denholm had been tampering with his mind, this was not at all how he wanted to broach the subject. Such matters had to be handled delicately, not like this.But he could not hold back the traitorous words. All he could do was watch as a faint smile tugged at Lord Denholm’s lips.
“I see.” His slow, deliberate words made Elze’ith’s blood run cold. “You are afraid that I will take more, then?”
Elze’ith swallowed. “Yes, Milord.”
“Good.”
The tension in the air shifted, like a grip being released, and all of a sudden Elze’ith’s memories of the day fell back into place. Dizziness was replaced by pain was replaced by relief, but he was barely given a chance to collect his thoughts, to realize what had happened, to grapple with the implications of a day’s worth of memories being smeared and erased on a whim. Because the pain returned, sharper and deeper and more intense than before, as the strange foreign force in his mind surged and expanded and grew, roots branching out and implanting in every corner of his psyche. Letting out a strangled yell, he clutched at his head and folded in on himself, desperate for it to stop.
There were flashes, images, as Lord Denholm’s influence embedded itself within him and did its work. A face, one he knew better than his own, radiant and lovely and looking like home. A love, one he couldn’t bear to leave behind, despite everything that had happened. A person that he would do anything for, even this, because they (he) was worth every ounce of suffering. And Elze’ith screamed as those memories were pried from his grasp, pulled out of his reach, shrouded by a fog too thick to pierce.
It wasn’t like before. Even as the process ended, even as the dizziness and wrongness settled over him, the pain didn’t fade.He still ached. The pain was soul-deep, felt in every heartbeat, in every scrambled thought, in every lonely breath he took. As he sat there, shaking like a leaf, he distantly realized that he was sobbing, tears dripping down his cheeks and onto his lap. He was missing something, someone, someone so fundamental that he couldn’t fathom ever losing them, but here he was, with such a hole in his soul that part of him was surprised he was still alive.
Though he tried to find something to hold onto, some shard of memory to remind him of who had been so important, all he could grasp onto was too insubstantial to make sense of. It all faded fast, like a song heard in a dream, like dew in the morning sun.
(Like he will, one day.)
“Please.” He didn’t wait until Lord Denholm addressed him. This was too painful, too devastating, too miserable. He couldn’t do this. “Please, give them back. I— I can’t—“
Mustering all of his strength, he straightened as much as he could to meet Lord Denholm’s gaze. There was no mercy in those eyes, only cold regard, and satisfaction, and focus. “Oh? Are you sure? What if I told you that this was for your own benefit? This person has caused you so much pain, after all.”
Elze’ith might have remembered something like that, might have remembered something like betrayal and heartbreak. But he didn’t care about that now. Because he knew he had loved them at one point, loved them more than he loved the sun and the stars (other things he missed so, so dearly), and that love was more than worth the heartbreak of losing them.
Besides, the memory, however painful it was, had to be easier than this. Right now he was in utter agony, overwhelmed by a torrent of grief more potent than he had ever felt. He couldn’t imagine it ever getting any better, not without regaining what had been lost. At least if he remembered he would know what he was missing. At least if he remembered then he would have shards of happier times to cling to. This hollow nothingness was too much to bear. He wanted more than echoes and shadows of a past that had been his everything. He wanted—
(He wanted his partner—)
Please. I’m sorry, he called out in his mind, though he knew that this cherished, irreplaceable person would not, could not respond. I don’t want to lose you. I never wanted to lose you. I’ll do whatever it takes to get you back. Just please don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me behind. I can’t bear to be without you.
“Please. I do not care how painful it is. I do not care what I have to do. Just— just please, give him back—!”
Desperation colored every word bright and sharp and potent. Lord Denholm studied him for a long moment, and Elze’ith found his fear surging. If Lord Denholm didn’t agree, if Elze’ith couldn’t find the right things to promise to get him to relinquish his memories, then—
But the swirling power and malice around Lord Denholm withdrew. The burrowing, writhing force in his mind went with it, causing Elze’ith to go rigid as everything cascaded back into its rightful place.“Very well. You may have your wish.”
Elze’ith cried for a long, long time after. In pain, in fear, but mostly in sheer relief. He had Altair again. No matter what else happened, he had Altair again.
He would never bring up Lord Denholm’s ability to directly influence his mind again. His point had been made more than clearly enough.
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Welcome to Art Whumpers Anonymous!
AWA is an 18+ discord server intended to be a space for artists of all levels, styles and mediums to come and share art, seek critique, share OCs and talk about whump in a community setting! We also run weekly and yearly events.
Additionally, we welcome those who are writers/hobbyists/lurkers/just testing the waters with art, as well as offer a space for OC threads, writer's talk, sfw/nsfw roleplay seeking/playing, commission/trade seeking and sprinting, among others.
The server is 18+, and has adult channels and discussions. Sorry kiddos, but unfortunately any minors will get banned!
INVITE:
FAQ below the cut:
Who are the mods?
@coyotehusk @demondamage @sunshiline-writes and Ev (no tumblr)
Can I join if I don't have an active whump blog?
By all means!
What if I don't make art but still would like to be able to check out the art there?
Though AWA is focused on being an artist community, we do encourage anyone to join.
I want to get better at art. Can this server help with that?
The AWA offers a crit space!
Why is the server 18+?
The AWA mods wanted to create an adult space where adult topics could be engaged with without worrying about censoring for the sake of minors. We do ask that explicit content stay within their respective channels, but otherwise try to cultivate a nonjudgemental environment.
What events do you do?
AWA currently is running an OC Trade Event, as well as a weekly member spotlight DTIYS. Anyone in the server is free to participate.
I have another question you haven't answered here?
Feel free to drop us an ask or DM.
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