name-de-plume

[name-de-plume]

I love you.

This is not an April fools joke.

But I wish it were

#watbp

[name-de-plume]

I used to feel things

So I wrote out of compulsion;

Now I’m nothing but empty pages

#watbp #spilled ink

[name-de-plume]

Garden of Memory

                As was our custom, through the garden we walked, barefoot to be more akin to Adam and Eve. On that summer’s night just a sliver of moon hung in the sky; the air was warm without even the slightest breeze to stir the leaves. With your hand in mine there wasn’t another place on earth I’d have preferred to be. And then you pulled away from me. With such careful scrutiny you picked a rose and when you placed it in my hand there was a look I had never seen before in your eyes. “As this rose is beautiful”, you said, “may our love never die. In you I find new reason to breathe.” And you kissed me.                 In that instant, a swift breeze stirred as if in celebration. Never before had you told me you loved me; until that moment I had not felt your lips. Do you remember wiping my tears? It seems, then, that an aching in my ribs that I was never aware of healed. Until the sun awoke, we danced in the silence of the night, enraptured by the certainty of our affection.                 Tonight, though shrouded in clouds, I know the moon is full; and somewhere far off, a wolf cries to it. A light wind stirs up cold air; beneath my feet the grass is damp. For all the memories it forces me to recount I detest this place. Yet for you, my soul-mate, I faithfully return. “As this rose is beautiful, may our love never die.  In you I find new reason to breathe.” From the garden of our first kiss, I picked you the most beautiful rose—so vibrant it could have blossomed from the very Tree of Knowledge. Yet, despite its sheer magnificence, it is such an ugly creation when sitting on your gravestone.                 How I miss you so, my love. Hope lives inside me that one night you’ll return, if just only for one night, and we can have a final moonlit dance through the graveyard. But like every night, this visit has done nothing to lift my spirits.                 Tonight, of all nights, I thought it would be different. For today, my love, is the anniversary of our death. And yet every time I return, there are never roses on my grave. “May our love never die…” Has only my love lived on?

#watbp #spilled ink #prose

[name-de-plume]

When I see you in them jeans

I start to care about my health.

It is said, afterall,

An apple a day keeps the doctor away

#watbp

[name-de-plume]

One Random Thing to Be Thankful For Because It’s January and You Should Try to Start the Year Off With Some Positivity

1. When a pandemic affecting the whole world possibly could have been solved already if people just followed directions and stayed home and wore masks but they didn’t so it’s still not questioned when you don’t really want to be around people.

2. When your toast is fresh-out-of-the-toaster hot and your butter isn’t fresh-out-of-the-fridge cold so immediately melts and your toast becomes soggy-crunchy.

3. When you’re really lathered up, like so extra lathered you look like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man and when you rinse off it makes that thick splashing sound when it crashed against the shower floor.

4. When you say you’re not feeling like yourself and no one suggests you just cheer up or go outside.

5. When tree shaped candy goes on sale just because it’s tree-shaped but otherwise tastes exactly the same as the not tree-shaped varieties.

6. When there’s an 11th in your 12 piece nugget.

7. When you randomly bump into someone you remember from high school who was a grade or two below you and so much more popular and now they have gray hair and you don’t, as improbable as that may seem.

8. When the instructions are unclear so you tie the knots incorrectly and when they’re tested with the full brunt of your weight, you flop heavy to the floor like lather in a shower and you have some rope burn around your neck but thankfully it’s just rope burn and you’re still here to feel it.

9. When there’s still bread to make more toast.

10. When you realize what you thought was a spider crawling on you was just a stray hair or thread because you actually like spiders–they take care of mosquitoes and other pests–but, also, your body is off limits and you would’ve hated to squish the poor thing for trespassing.

11. When the Jehovah’s Witnesses at your door don’t knock a second time even though you’re obviously home because you just yelled obscenities at the top of your lungs as you stubbed your toe against the bookcase trying to jump out of sight of the crack in the curtains.

12. When you jolt awake from a bad dream and realize it was only a silly dream but also it’s your day off and you don’t have to go work even though you weren’t going to anyway, just now you don’t have to take that financial hit.

13. When you’re watching a home renovation show and the freshly remodeled house isn’t decorated in inspiration word art.

14. When you step on the scale and it’s very evident that maybe you’ve purchased too much tree-shaped chocolate but your favorite pair of jeans still fit like you haven’t gained a single gram so why not celebrate with some chocolate.

15. When you lay your freshly shaved face against freshly washed pillow cases.

16. When you don’t really want to talk to anyone but someone calls to check in on you and it’s not your mother but also when it’s your mother because you thought everyone in the world forgot about you.

17. When you sit down in January to write just one single good thing, worried that will be difficult enough, but you made it this far. You made it this far.

[name-de-plume]

I’m sorry. I haven’t been around lately. I figured if you wanted to hear from me, you’d have called. You seem happy enough already. I didn’t want to ruin that for you.

[name-de-plume]

I wish I could tell you that in this stage of healing I feel no more pain. That this scar on my heart is just a calloused over memory that elicits nothing more than an eye roll when poked. But I still hurt. She isn’t the “one that got away”. I don’t pine for her return, I don’t want to rekindle the finer moments of “us”. I’m not telling you if I had the chance to go back and fix something, I’d at least be a different person on my end. That’s simply not the case. I could even tell you that I’ve been happier alone. Isn’t that sometime the curse— the complexity of emotions that we can feel concurrently? I shared the deepest core of me with another person, I loved her in every way that my heart was capable. I am allowed to sometimes… often?… be filled with sorrow that the math didn’t work out. A positive plus a positive equals a positive— that’s math, right? It’s how the whole Universe is written. And yet one good person plus another good person equaled a negative thing.

You want a scapegoat in your grief. It was them. Or it was me. She is beautiful, after all, and what am I? But the blame is neither of ours; it was us. I mourn that we had moments of greatness that were just moments and not a lifetime. I loved her in a way that used terms like lifetime. And now there’s a scar that won’t quite heal.

I’m not counting, but it’s been years now. And every single night I’ve dreamt of her. And it’s always a scenario where she tells me she’s no longer in love. Every single night. I got teary eyed just writing that. And every morning I wake up, the scar on my heart throbs. And every morning I wake up fearing that I’ll never be good enough for anyone. Even after telling you it was neither of our faults.

It was neither of our faults, right? But that doesn’t make it any better. What if the math is always going to be wrong? The common denominator is always me.

#watbp #spilled ink

[name-de-plume]

A positive plus a positive

Is positive. That’s just math.

The whole universe is written in math.

And yet ours was wrong.

a good person plus a good person

And we were just a negative thing.

#watbp #spilled ink

[name-de-plume]

I loved you

Once, I think

It was a Tuesday

[name-de-plume]

Is a poem a poem

If it doesn’t adhere

To popular perception?

Sometimes, trying to define a thing

Can ruin what makes it special.

Is a wild horse still free

If you limit how far it can roam?

We were a beautiful thing

Running wild and free.

But I had to know where the boundaries were.

So I opened my mouth

And like a magician revealing the trick

I ruined the magic.

#watbp

[name-de-plume]

I put on my shoes

But you said ”baby don’t leave.

If you got a hunger

I got something you could eat.”

You got me feeling excited

So I decided to stay.

Should known I’d be betrayed.

You came back with a plate

Thinking I’d be decieved.

It was just a lunchables

But you called it charcuterie

And to make matters worse

You already ate the candy dessert

#watbp

[name-de-plume]

Let my body be your kingdom

Rule it as you please.

It’ll be more than venerance

When I fall to my knees

#watbp

[name-de-plume]

I'm going to be honest; it may come as a surprise but I fantasize about having you in my bed. In the dark, we are little more than silhouettes. Laying there, you are invading my space but a welcome visitor. My nervous trembling is overpowered by your heartbeat; your warmth becomes my warmth; you are at peace. We need no words--no need to molest the silence with emotions that are understood.

The simplicity of two bodies merely laying together may seem an anticlimactic lust. And that may be how I know I love you. Even without climax, you are my fantasy.

#watbp

[name-de-plume]

The Joy of Christmas

Ho! Ho! Ho! Just look at him sitting there, waving, wishing everyone a merry Christmas as if he's actually some sort of magical deity seated on a golden throne. It’s a marvel how many mothers migrate to this mall en masse, endure ridiculous waits and wasted gas circling the parking lot over and over and over for the perfect spot closest to the entrance only to stand in yet another line full of all the other mothers with screaming children just to get a picture of their rotten progeny sitting on this man’s lap. A stranger’s lap. At least he got into character and grew a real beard. It wouldn't be surprising, though, if he's a dirty pedophile or some other sort of sexual predator and his suit is extra-large, not to cover his corpulence, but to conceal his raging erection. Or maybe, just maybe, he really is the kid-loving grandfatherly type who never had kids of his own because his wife is barren or he's shooting blanks or something. Sure- they could adopt, but you can't raise a kid making minimum wage working as St. Nick in the mall. For the children’s sake I hope the truth is innocent. But I bet this bearded behemoth of an old man has pictures of every kid that ever sat on his lap lined up like wallpaper in his room and every night he beats off to them. Oh, Timmy; oh, Billy; oh, Susie; oh, Patrick. Oh, Oh, Oh!   Hey, don't give me that look. I work in this mall and every day I see the rudest of people push, shove and insult their way through crowds like rabid animals frothing at the mouth ready to rip off the face of anyone daring to get in their way. While waiting in long check-out lines, these people complain that Jesus was even born because they had to go out and buy gifts for friends and family they don't even like. All the while, children are lied to about why they shouldn’t lie and instead behave all year long. Remember to engage in good deeds, not for the good of the deed, but in hopes of finding bigger presents under the tree. This is what the holidays are about, my friends. Christmas brings out the worst in people…

and I'm sure Santa's no exception.

#a little late #watbp #spilled ink #christmas

[name-de-plume]

One Random Thing to Be Thankful For Because It’s January and You Should Try to Start the Year Off With Some Positivity

1. When a pandemic affecting the whole world possibly could have been solved already if people just followed directions and stayed home and wore masks but they didn’t so it’s still not questioned when you don’t really want to be around people.

2. When your toast is fresh-out-of-the-toaster hot and your butter isn’t fresh-out-of-the-fridge cold so immediately melts and your toast becomes soggy-crunchy.

3. When you’re really lathered up, like so extra lathered you look like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man and when you rinse off it makes that thick splashing sound when it crashed against the shower floor.

4. When you say you’re not feeling like yourself and no one suggests you just cheer up or go outside.

5. When tree shaped candy goes on sale just because it’s tree-shaped but otherwise tastes exactly the same as the not tree-shaped varieties.

6. When there’s an 11th in your 12 piece nugget.

7. When you randomly bump into someone you remember from high school who was a grade or two below you and so much more popular and now they have gray hair and you don’t, as improbable as that may seem.

8. When the instructions are unclear so you tie the knots incorrectly and when they’re tested with the full brunt of your weight, you flop heavy to the floor like lather in a shower and you have some rope burn around your neck but thankfully it’s just rope burn and you’re still here to feel it.

9. When there’s still bread to make more toast.

10. When you realize what you thought was a spider crawling on you was just a stray hair or thread because you actually like spiders--they take care of mosquitoes and other pests--but, also, your body is off limits and you would’ve hated to squish the poor thing for trespassing.

11. When the Jehovah’s Witnesses at your door don’t knock a second time even though you’re obviously home because you just yelled obscenities at the top of your lungs as you stubbed your toe against the bookcase trying to jump out of sight of the crack in the curtains.

12. When you jolt awake from a bad dream and realize it was only a silly dream but also it’s your day off and you don’t have to go work even though you weren’t going to anyway, just now you don’t have to take that financial hit.

13. When you’re watching a home renovation show and the freshly remodeled house isn’t decorated in inspiration word art.

14. When you step on the scale and it’s very evident that maybe you’ve purchased too much tree-shaped chocolate but your favorite pair of jeans still fit like you haven’t gained a single gram so why not celebrate with some chocolate.

15. When you lay your freshly shaved face against freshly washed pillow cases.

16. When you don’t really want to talk to anyone but someone calls to check in on you and it’s not your mother but also when it’s your mother because you thought everyone in the world forgot about you.

17. When you sit down in January to write just one single good thing, worried that will be difficult enough, but you made it this far. You made it this far.

#watbp #poem #poetry #poet #spilled ink

[name-de-plume]

Have you ever gotten so stoned

And it’s so cold out so you get in a hot shower and the steam, the heat, the weight of water hitting your naked skin forms some magic combo that just freeze time and in this frozen moment you start to pee (and don’t act like you don’t) and you start to experience every single piss you’ve ever taken since birth, it’s like some pee-gasm and you dont know how long you’ve been standing there or if youre even still peeing anymore so you look down and there is no pee, there’s not even a shower— you’re actually just standing at the kitchen counter pouring milk into your bowl of cinnamon squares cereal except there’s nothing in the bowl except milk overflowing onto the counter and then off onto your feet?

Well that’s how stoned I was and that’s why we have no more cat food.

#watbp

[name-de-plume]

Wanting the best for you

Means I keep myself away

#ten word poem #watbp