nataniellullabypup

[nataniellullabypup]

A game I played yesterday against my boyfriend. He played white, I played black. I messed up a lot during midgame 'cause I was writing down the moves as we were playing. He's very new to the game, but he's improving.

#chess

[nataniellullabypup]

I'm not sure if I'm an alcoholic. I don't drink often, usually once a month. But sometimes, like yesterday and today I feel the urge to drink more and more, specially when I'm in distress. I like being drunk, I feel more like myself when I'm drunk.

#vent post #cw substance use

[nataniellullabypup]

I guess if I really want to improve my skills in chess I'll have to find a coach.

#chess

[nataniellullabypup]

Crying over old friendships I lost contact with

#bears in trees #Youtube

[nataniellullabypup]

#tumblr polls

[nataniellullabypup]

tenpo ni la mun li moku e suno. sewi li tawa pimeja. ni li pona lukin.

#toki pona #eclipse

[nataniellullabypup]

#alexandre dumas #la traviata #the lady of the camellias #books

[nataniellullabypup]

pan suwi pi ma Mekiko

pan suwi pi ma Mekiko li pona mute tawa mi.

nimi pan ni li "leko". ona li pona. ona li kiwen lili.

nimi pan ni li "kute". ona li suwi mute. ona li pona mute tawa mi.

nimi pan ni li "oko soweli". insa ona li suwi mute. selo ona li kiwen. ona li pona tawa mi.

#toki pona #pan dulce

[nataniellullabypup]

I will not let you in! Don't you bring back the reveries I turn into a bird Carry further than the word is heard

#kate bush #Youtube

[nataniellullabypup]

i like to refer to myself in toki pona as "jan soweli" because it fits both my puppy side and my furry side at the same time.

Me gusta usar "jan soweli" porque puede queda con mi lado puppy y mi lado furry al mismo tiempo.

#toki pona

[nataniellullabypup]

Una vez más, mi cerebro ha decidido obsesionarse con el toki pona.

Once again, my brain has decided to became obsessed with toki pona.

toki! mi jan soweli Linton! mu mu mu.

#toki pona

[nataniellullabypup]

The only thing that has been constant in my life this year so far is physical discomfort

#vent post

[nataniellullabypup]

I want to make an Ex-Libris. I already have a design, but I'm not sure if I'm gonna to carve it or if I'm gonna draw digitally and send them to someone who makes personalized rubber stamps

#personal post #ex libris

[nataniellullabypup]

hi there. i dont know anything about you except what i saw in your recent post, so i don't know if this will be helpful to you, but i like sundays. i consider them to be a reset day. the whole weekend really is sort of like a reset to me. no matter what bad things happen each week i know time keeps carrying me forward and i will get more and more chances to get things right. i hope that next sunday will be a day you can look forward to, because it is your sunday and you have so many fun choices on how you can spend it

Thank you so much for your kind words. And sorry for my late reply. I guess it's just stress and anxiety. Last wednesday I got sick, so I had a couple of days for resting and today I'm feeling pretty well. I am not exactly excited for the week that will come but also I am not dreading for it.

#personal post

[nataniellullabypup]

Books I've read so far this year:

The Lady of the Camellias by Alexandre Dumas fils Chess for Dummies Ulises 2300 by Antonio Malpica The Canterville Ghost & Lord Arthur Savile's Crime by Oscar Wilde White Nights by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

#books

[nataniellullabypup]

Some amazing findings

I bought this book today from a man who sells things related to old cameras and some books for $250MXN (around $15USD). Artbooks are usually expensive, so I bought it almost immediately. I was so happy but later I realized I could have got a better price if I bargained. I still think I got it at a good price. The dusk jacket is a bit damaged and the covers are dirty, I hope I can make it look better.

I also bought some Chess Books written by Fred Reinfeld in an second hand bookstore. Old books are actually kind of expensive! But the bookstore has a 30% off every first Saturday of the month (I didn't knew about this discount until the cashier told me) so they were pretty cheap: $350MXN for both books (around $20USD). They're so old the use descriptive notation. I'll return next month to buy more chessbooks.

#jc leyendecker #artbook #chess books #old books

[nataniellullabypup]

About Sundays and anxiety

I hate Sundays. Sundays are liminal, a space between the week that was and the week that will be. Sundays makes me feel lost and anxious about what's going to happen in the week that will start next day, even when I know that time is just a concept we made up to make sense of things. Sundays aren't so different from other days: all have 24hrs (or so).

But on Sundays I tend to reflect a lot, specially lately that I'm left alone at home. As mitski says "I don't like being left alone in a room with all [my mind's] opinions about the things that I've done". I like being alone at home and taking care of myself (or at least trying to). But I'm prone to isolate from others when I feel distressed. I push away others when I feel sad, or anxious, or inadequate.

This can't continue this way. I need help to escape this vicious circle.

#vent post