oiouoiiiokkm

[oiouoiiiokkm]

tw breakdown / vent

am bad bad bad bad

i don’t deserve someone near me

i too programmed to have friend or lovers

i don’t want to be alone

i want to be talked to

but i ruin everything

i’m so so sorry

i’ll never heal

#vent #breakdown #ramcoa #hc did

[oiouoiiiokkm]

THERE ANGELS IN MY HEAD

But they’re in my side NOW.

#ramcoa #polyfragmented #ritual abuse #hc did

[oiouoiiiokkm]

i deserve to be alone forever

i will always be alone

unlovable

#vent #trauma

[oiouoiiiokkm]

i had system reset

who am i now?

#ramcoa

[oiouoiiiokkm]

I didn’t know that pain could be that unbearable

[oiouoiiiokkm]

TRIGGER WARNING ramcoa, programming stuff, delusions, paranoid personality ldisorder.

I don’t know what should I do.

I’m still in pain lol. My pain become bigger and bigger everyday. I don’t leave my apartment. I don’t talk to anyone because I can’t make myself to. I talk only with my partner because we live together — but our relationships now is not good. It breaks my heart.

I don’t do anything actually — because I can’t. I swear to god I want but I can’t. I can handle it only with meds I shouldn’t take everyday but I do.

I discovered new subsystem full of angels. Be not afraid you know. They were there from my early childhood — so there are some hard shit too. I’m scared of my polyfragmentation — how many insiders I actually have? What kind of pain I will discover next? I found some creepy programm stuff in there. I don’t know if this makes sense because denial eats me alive.

I remembered a lot of stuff. Amnesiac barriers fall a bit but I don’t know if I’m glad to know this kind of stuff.

I’m scared of unknown people as long as I live. I have strong fear that they will kill me. I thought the reason was my abusers who threaten me — I will kill you, I will choke you, I will kick you out & you will die alone on the street etc etc etc

I discover an alter who has some strong delusions about persecutors and some kind of paranoid personality disorder. They think they’re an offender and every person in the word know my face so everyone want to kill me to do justice. It explains a lot.

They make things through passive influence as I understood. So host will be scared but won’t know what’s the point.

I am tired of trying. Should I continue?

#hc did #polyfragmented #trauma based mind control #ritual abuse #ramcoa

[oiouoiiiokkm]

I’m in pain. I’m going to face the scariest things that were done to me. For example my permanent fear to be killed by them. I’m scared. There’s hell in my head. I have breakdowns every day. I’m scared to leave my apartment.

But i have to face it. Today I will dig into my memories. I have to do it to process this things. It’s my only chance to start living.

I’ll explore the scariest layer in my head. There are alters that remember all of that. I’m going to face it. To face them — parts of me that remember everything. Wish me luck.

#ramcoa #tbmc #tw ramcoa #polyfragmented #hc did #ritual abuse #polyfrag #trauma based mind control

[oiouoiiiokkm]

Hello. I’m pretty newly discovered HC-DID system. I’m adult. And I wanna make friends and find community around ramcoa but I’m pretty scared. I’m autistic.

I escaped my own hell two years ago. Now I’m safe and trying to start living. My life before escaping was only surviving. Now I learning how to live in out word, how to heal and live as system too. Hello?

#ramcoa #polyfragmented #ritual abuse #trauma based mind control #hc did #tw ramcoa #plural #polyfrag #ramcoa system