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Thinking about the werewolf from the hate mail Lemgo council pharmacist David Welman (1595 - 1669) got after being accused of being a werewolf
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d&d cryptid
a half-elf with a healthy relationship with their parents
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After we all individually nearly drown in a river ^
Skulls & Shackles: The Musical
To the tune of “Do You Wanna Build a Snowman?” I call it, “I Failed Another Swim Check.”
I failed another swim check.
Oh god, I’m going to drown.
Or get eaten by a Sharktopus
or Grindylow,
or heaven knows what else.
I used to be much better
at rolling dice,
but tonight my luck ran out…
I failed another swim check,
a pirate shouldn’t drown.
I failed another swim check.
I think the end is near.
I lost sight of Conkubar,
I’ve gone too far,
I could really use a beer!
The Sharktopus is approaching,
he’s closing in.
I watch my life flash by…
I failed another swim check,
now I’m stuck inside his stomach.
I failed another swim check.
This is surely certain death.
How many rounds are left?
I’m scared to ask,
oh, shit! What’s that?
A harpoon just whizzed right by my head!
Everything is out to get me,
or so it seems…
I hope my death is quick.
I finally passed my swim check!
Too bad I’m out of breath.
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Holy Musical Bagpipes
When your adventuring party buys a pair of bagpipes just because bagpipes.
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Triss Windfall digs the nondenominational hell into this cinamon roll
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Gnomish Haggling
RenVar: What’s your price on these sir? I’ve only one arm, as you can see, so I can’t go that high.
Waves both arms around
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Carolyn, does Ka'Larr look anything like
Sad!Samurai Jack???
samurai jack icons from the new episode!
feel free to use! please like/reblog if using!
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Bad jokes 2
And what sicknesses are stronger than other sicknesses? Dwarven ails!
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Bad jokes 1
What do you call a sorcerer who forgets they have spells beyond level 0?
Cantripin’ balls!
And what do you call an angry middle eastern themed character?
Barbarian nights!
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when I find myself in times of trouble, Triss Windfall comes to me, speaking words of wisdom: “tiiiiiiiitttsssss”
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ya rickety sewer rat, pt 2
Osuk: Oh no
Triss: Oh, oh, /crap./ I'm sorry sir, weren't we holding an insult contest?
Drunken Patron: Who would sshtart shomething as shtupid ash that?
Triss: You got me. It was me. I am stuuuupid
and bruise easily
here, let me buy you a drink
Drunken Patron: *begins to lunge forward, his drink sloshing onto Triss*
Osuk: I assure you, sir, she meant no real disrespect. *attempts to jump between them*
Drunken Patron: *glances at Osuk* wash I talkin' to yous?
Osuk: Who? Me?
Triss: Here, seriously, lemme buy you a drink to show there's no hard feelings
Drunken Patron: *appears to have forgotten about Triss* Yash yoush
Triss: *sighs deeply* tiiiiiiiitttsssss
Osuk: Hey man, I'm just trying to stay out of trouble (for once)
Triss: Ey, yo, mewling quib, you wanna drink or nah?
Drunken Patron: *Hears the drink offer and turns to Triss* Gimme ale!
Triss: Sure thing *buys incredibly strong drink hoping drinky will fall asleep*
Drunken Patron: *begins following Triss like a lost puppy dog, carrying his drink in his hands*
Triss: *has no idea what to do now* Go home drinky, go home
and dream of large lagers
Drunken Patron: No, mommy, I dun wanna go home
Triss: But you have school in the morning! *whispers to Osuk* what do I dooooooooo
Osuk: Hey buddy, she got you your drink. Why don't you lay off a little? *sniffs* you seem like you've had enough
Drunken Patron: *appears to be about to respond when he falls forward in a drunken tiredness toward Triss, having finally blacked out. His ale is dropped and rolls towards Osuk's foot, spilling up and out onto it*
Triss: 'night drinky, mom's gotta go to..... work. yes.
*in one long breath* ohgodswhatjusthappened
Triss: *manages to dodge the large drunkard falling into her and pokes drinky with foot*
So. That escalated quickly. Thank you for having my back Osuk
Osuk: No problem.
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ya rickety sewer rat
Triss: *sidles over to the insult contest occurring by the fireplace* I got a good one! Fight me if you dare!
Osuk: ahem, someone was getting into an insult contest?
Triss: Indeed! If there's anyone brave enough to best my brave ... brinsults? Lost that one there.
Drunken Patron: *eyes Triss, his hand sloshing his ale* You *hic* wanna go?
Triss: Advance towards me, brethren!
Osuk: *rolls eyes and mumbles* This will be fun
Drunken Patron: *stands, wobbling as he does so, his beer belly jiggling upward and downward like a bobber on a fishing line*
Triss: Well, say something, you repulsive, pus-filled pudding!
Drunken Patron: Y-you repulshive peshtulance!
Triss: Nicely put, you son of a poorly-trimmed she-goat!
Drunken Patron: How dchare you call me sche goat, you decscheitful crumudjun!
Triss: I bet the donkeys outside are afraid of the size of your ass
Osuk: *snorts into drink*
Drunken Patron: *appears to have forgotten what was going on, and was genuinely insulted by the last insult* Whatchu say 'bout me?
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do cash registers exist here
Ka'Larr: *gives a gold piece*
Evelyn: *gives a gold piece as well*
Triss: That's quite the reasonable price, can I rent a room as well?
GM: 100 copper = 1 gold
10 silver = 1 gold
Triss: *also gives gold. Does this guy have enough change?*
Sidona: No, he probably does not
Osuk: *same*
Lynna: maybe he's a magical innkeeper with enormous amounts of change
Inn Keeper: *takes each of the gold pieces and brings back 8 silver pieces apiece*
Sidona: change in silver, smart
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introductions! pt 2
Osuk: Fair enough.
Ka'Larr: How about you take one of the ladies on? Elves are stronger than they look.
Triss: Dooon't look at me. Half the elf, a quarter as strong.
Evelyn: *shakes head*
Ka'Larr: *turns back to Triss, to explain* Ka' is my family name. So Ka'Larr would be my name to anyone outside my family.
Triss: Ohhh, alright. Sorry about that.
Ka'Larr: Speaking of names. I didn't quite catch yours. *gestures to the dwarf and elf*
Evelyn: I don't make a habit of using strength as a game.
Triss: What do you make a habit of using it for?
Osuk: Oh, right. Sorry, games of strength excite me. I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Osuk. Osuk Graus.
Triss: Hi Osuk!
Evelyn: And I am Evelyn.
Triss: *waves* Triss
Ka'Larr: *offers the drink that the patron bought him to Osuk* You might appreciate this more than me.
Osuk: Good to meet you all.
Triss: Nice to meet you too.
Osuk: *accepts drink tentatively* Uh, thanks...I'm always one for a nice ale.
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Conversation
introductions!
Evelyn: *finds a table for them to sit at*
Ka'Larr: *takes the drink back over to their little band*
Triss: I believe a victory such as this deserves a celebration!
Evelyn: Well done, indeed my friend!
Ka'Larr: *wipes his hand on his sash, seeing as he's got nowhere else to wipe it*
Triss: You go Ka'L. Can I call you Ka'L?
Ka'Larr: Well, I could've done with a little less spit.
Triss: I bet.
Ka'Larr: *roughly* no.
Triss: Ok, sorry *holds up hands disarmingly*
Osuk: *To Ka'Larr* it's a sad day when a human can beat a man a dwarf can't but well done! Maybe I'll have to challenge you next? Loser buys another drink?
Ka'Larr: Does anyone want this... ale? I am not one for alcohol.
Osuk: Or something else? Since you're obviously not a fan of that?
Ka'Larr: *shakes head* I've had enough of arm wrestling for tonight.
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they're all tall, who cares
Triss: Dwarf, do all tall-folk look alike?
Triss: I'm genuinely curious
Osuk: uh... yes
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such creativity, much wow
Evelyn: *hears them talking of an inn as she passes by*
Evelyn: What inn are you looking for? I have passed many and may be able to point the way.
Osuk: The one on the west side of town, near the inner wall.
Evelyn: There is one right by the inner west gate, tastefully called "Inn." I can lead you there if you would like. A little rest could do me some good.
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