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To all the dog furries

Here

#@ d #from: t

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Oshawott but he is fluffy

#m

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i think its funny how facial scars are seen as like a major character plot point where they reveal that someone tried to kill their dad or something when i know a ton of ppl (including myself) who have facial scars bc they rlly arent uncommon and all of them are like. from tripping and falling as a toddler

#proud partner of a brow-scarred comrade #we have uh. a notch in our septum (nose middle part) from when we were digging for worms with a neighbour's boy #and he swung this full-size steel shovel straight into our nose. Cronch. #also we're clearly the Child Who Lived but lame #because there's a mysterious lightning-shaped scar on our thumb. #In general we scar from being breathed on because wow our collagen does not work properly #our tattoos are tattoos for blind people you can trace them #system lore

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So, TMI, but my dog died six days ago. A perfectly natural thing, he was 13 and had been on the downward swing for a year - we actually got a year more with him than initially expected, he was so poorly last year for no obvious reason that I was 100% expecting him to pass before fall. But he perked up again, had another good almost-a-year left in him. Even now, it wasn't a surprise in the slightest when he went; he'd started having accidents in the house to the point where I'd feed him on the porch so he had easy access to the lawn instead of having to feel embarrassed about pooping indoors, and just a couple days before his passing, he hit the "one last good day" and I just knew. The night he got sick, I actually woke up to him shaking away an itch and coughing and something in me just knew that was it for him, as if these two perfectly normal things weren't perfectly normal that night.

Alas, it was rough a rough one for me anyway. After spending his last 20 hours on a mattress on the floor with him, we had a vet visit at home to put him to sleep, and he was never in any significant pain or afraid, just tired. It was a good end for the goodest of boys.

After, I had a short cry, felt better and had a magnificent time going to the store and getting some fresh air, then had a HORRIBLE night sobbing ugly on the floor, after which I slept for nine hours like a baby. The next morning, I was fine, then wasn't, then was again, then wasn't, went to the store and felt like a bag of bricks. The next morning, didn't get out of bed for six hours, because everything was so fucking pointless and there's nothing to get up for anyway. I drank about one fifth of the amount I should have during this time and the idea of having fluids made me feel ill.

Now, for the past two days, I've been feeling perfectly fine. I keep jolting to some awareness of, god, where's the dog, did I forget him outside? Oh... right. But aside from that, I haven't felt any significant urge to fall off my feet and cry on the floor until I'm gagging. However, I'm now apparently unable to sleep entirely. Back to my old insomniac ways of not having more than 4 hours of sleep a night. As a bonus, my body has no idea whether it's supposed to be sleeping at night or in the morning. Prior to last Friday, my sleep cycle was around "sleep at 10 in the night", and now it's "sleep at 6 in the morning but still wake up as if I went to bed at 10 in the night". I have no idea how to fix this and frankly, I don't care enough to, I'm too tired, I'm too struggling to adjust to my new normal to bother with something as destined to fail as trying to negotiate with my sleep issues.

But it's very "convenient" that this hit exactly when I stopped showing symptoms emotionally. It's very interesting that this hit exactly when I started showing symptoms of dissociation - thinking I just "forgot" the dog, or "lost" the dog, when I can't see him in the house. Very curious, very interesting indeed. And very interesting that all of the above happened right when I gained access to my usual methods of coping with distress, which is video games; the past couple weeks, I've been nearly entirely gameless due to a broken video card.

Funny how these things "coincide".

In all seriousness, though, I'm proud of the grief work done in this house while we had access to it. We're long-time users of the Calm app, and it has been amazing during this time. Not only that, but despite being generally aversed to emotions, particularly strong emotions, and especially grief, guilt, and anger - we've truly felt all of these things very profoundly and allowed it to happen.

So, maybe when the feelings come back from the war, they'll be at least half-handled already.

Btw, if you have not had tragedy dropped on you before, grief does fuck you up in unexpected and physical ways. If you can’t sleep or sleep more than expected or have more or reduced appetite, or energy goes weird— your brain just had a bunch of emotions dropped on it and sometimes it reacts by hitting every button in your brain. It will pass. Just try to not get too frustrated with yourself.

It’s also fine if you feel normal. Grief literally hits everybody differently, and some people are made to be able to to keep the farm going the day after a death, and some of us turn into sleepless gargoyles and get really into trying to help, and some of us are just unspeakably sad. Grief is weird. Be kind to yourself.

#syspost #k posting

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#j

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Olga

#m

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there's mould let me out

hey followers. have you ever wanted to know how it feels to be inside a bag of cornflakes

#k

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This is me................. If you even care................. 😒

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beep boop

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#why are cats like that #k

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boop!! :3

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#t #d

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#k

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#partners #it's such a coincidence though isn't it.

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Hey. Hey.

Hey.

What the FUCK happened here and HOW.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS KUDOS TO HITS RATIO. WHO DID THIS

(courtesy fic link but this isn't a promo I'm literally trying so hard to figure out how this fic jumped from 9 kudos to 76 on 89 hits, I've NEVER had this kind of a ratio on anything and I did NOT know this fic was getting attention what is GOING ON)

#tma fic #tim stoker #danny stoker #PLEASE SOMEBODY EXPLAIN TO ME I'M SO ? #I LOVE THIS FIC SO MUCH BUT I FIGURED NOBODY WOULD READ IT #AND THEN I LOOK AT IT AND IT LOOKS LIKE THIS. WHAT THE FUCK #tma fanfic

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Have you ever owned a Nokia 3210?

#3510i kinda girl

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Melancholy 🌷

#baby boy #wrathion #wow