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[polyamzeal]

#polyamory #polyam #nonmonogamy

[polyamzeal]

X-Men '97, Episode 5 - Writing Mature Jealousy

               I want to go over episode 5 of X-Men 97, titled Remember Me, because it has a very good portrayal of how to write jealousy well and in a mature way. Now since this a polyamory blog I know everyone is just going to assume I am going to say, “All their problems would be fixed by polyamory.” As tempting as that is I am not going to do that! Well the X-Men comics have recently touched upon actual polyamory representation I don’t think it works for this incarnation in particular but I do think by looking at it through a polyamorous lens we see some very interesting stuff going on that deeply monogamous folk might miss. So I want to take this opportunity as a lesson we can all learn from about how to write portray jealousy as a more nuaniced and interesting complex emotion rather than a one-note toxic trope we often see it reduced to. Obviously spoilers below the cut.

               So going to assume you have seen episodes 1-4 up until this point so not going to spend long on setups but quick setup. Rouge and Gambit have have had an unofficial relationship that everybody knows about for some time now. But as Rogue’s old flame Magneto enters the scene she has been tempted by him. Meanwhile, Cyclops just found out that the mother of his child is actually a clone of the woman he loved instead of actually her and doesn’t know when the swap happened. Plus the original and clone share memories to make it even more complicated. Now that the clone, Madelyne Pryor, has left, Cyclops is unsure how to feel about the real Jean Grey.

                I thought I would be starting further along in the episode but let’s talk about Gambit’s arrival in Genosha. Right away we get Magneto subtlety exerting superiority over Gambit yet Gambit stays cool and doesn’t show that it bothers him. He makes a comment about two being better than three though to show that he doesn’t like Magneto interfering in his relationship. But the character drama really begins when Nightcrawler talks to Gambit. He urges Gambit to marry Rouge but Gambit replies about how he knows that Rogue wants somebody other than him and he basically says that he doesn’t deserve love. You see, Gambit has done a lot of shady stuff in his past and while he may act cool deep down he feels like Rogue deserves someone better than him. So we have a dichotomy between Gmabit’s brain that approves of Rogue hooking up with another man and his heart who does still want her all to himself as selfish as that is. This internal struggle makes up the entire character arc for Gambit this episode.

               But let us move on the first of many big shockers of the episode! Jean Grey kissing Wolverine! As Jean is reminiscing about what to do about Cyclops and how they have been distant, Wolverine tries to give her advice as a friend. But he also slips up and lets out some of his own romantic feelings for her. Unexpectedly she returns them with a kiss! I get the vibe that a lot of fans might have cheered in celebration, “Wolverine is going to get the girl like he should unlike that jerk, Cyclops!” But as Wolverine just reminded us, he is far more mature than that. In an act of true selflessness, he instead forgives her for her cheating and tells her to instead go patch things up with Cyclops. He made it clear that he loves her but also he has been down this road before and knows that he isn’t the best man for her and if he really cares about her then she needs to be with the right man for her, Cyclops. This is actually very similar to the dichotomy Gambit suffers but with a 100 more years of experience and maturity, he commits to his brain over his heart and without the same hesitation.

               We get a quick cut back to Rogue and Magneto who gives this great line, “As with Gambit, loving you makes broken men whole." But let us have them on pause for just a little bit longer.

               Instead let us focus on Cyclops having a touching intimate moment with who we think is Jean but instead it is the clone, Madelyne, having a psychic affair with him from half-way across the world. Not related to the topic of this article but a nice little extra detail is that Emma Frost, another telepath, totally 'saw' everything that Madelyne was doing. But back to the affair, Jean interrupts them and a drama-bomb explodes! Cyclops admits that he loves both Jean Grey and Madelyne Pryor but again I am not resorting to “non-monogamy is the answer here.” Afterall a psychic-powered clone is involved here, more than just a twin, so not exactly normal real life situration. But it does bring up hard questions of how to choose just one. Again Cyclops’s brain is probably telling him the one he loves is Jean Grey, that seems like the right answer. But his heart loves his son and therefor loves the one who he knows is the actual mother, Madelyne. As such we have the 3rd brain-heart romance dichotomy of the episode except this one has the most uncertainty and confusion involved. On the other side with Jean, we get into the philosophical question of having memories of loving someone versus feeling love for someone. It is deep! The Phoenix urging Jean to travel the cosmos might also seem unrelatable to real-life but I think you can equate it to someone that has a job opportunity to travel and make more money but they would need to leave behind their lover, something lots of people do struggle with.

One last thing I want to address is again I am sure some fans are extra mad at Jean in this scene. She just cheated on Cyclops and now she is mad at Cyclops for cheating on her. This level of hypocrisy might rub me people extra rough. But I want to ask this question, would she have been more or less mad at Cyclops’s cheating if she did not just cheat herself first? I think either has its arguments but I honestly think less. She knows she cheated and messed up so now she is putting in effort to mend and fix that. Just to see that Cyclops is also cheating but not repenting like she did. This anger she is taking out on him for cheating is amplified by her own guilt and shame for having just cheated as well. Maybe even more fueled by being rejected by Wolverine as well. It is spicey but also very realistic.

               Back to Rogue and Gambit. How is Gambit going to find about Rogue’s relationship with Magneto? In what way will he discover them in the act and cause drama? Actually, she comes right out and confesses to him. I love them avoiding that trope and instead giving us a brutally honest heart-wrenching confession scene instead. And again, Gambit does not react like a 13-year child, instead he calmly asks if she is going to accept it. Explains how he has respected her wishes to not be official but this still hurts. Rogue unloads her heart upon him explaining her unmet needs, the physical incompatibility they have together. And we are given the very realistic question of physical needs versus non-physical needs. Are physical needs a deal-breaker in a relationship? The scene concludes with Gambit being as smooth as always by saying he bets Magneto will break her heart but until then he will respect just being friends with her and givers her permission to pursue Magneto. He maturely wants what is best for her even though it hurts him.

               As we transition to the Gala itself we see Rogue living it up in her full splendor! Magneto joins her and they make a big spectacle of the two touching which Gambit sees. This is another scene I have seen some people have very weird takes on Gambit’s emotions here. Many read anger and jealousy as I am sure many in the same shoes would feel. But I see more of the dichotomy at war again. He wants best for her and sees outright that Magneto can give her something he can’t. He even says as much to Madelyn right beforehand. He is happy for her but it still hurts and is just too much hurt for him to handle so he has to step away to protect his own feelings out of respect for Rogue.

               By the way, the animation on Rogue is beautiful here! There is so much visual storytelling going on with her feelings that shown more than told. We get the sense that she really wants this and indulges in it to the fullest. But there are still doubts in the back of her mind. Is it all for real or just a performance that she has bought into. She enjoys it and had fun but decides that she actually does want Gambit more.

               Rightful so the rest of the episode from this point on does not have much time for romantic drama. What I do really like is we get to see the Gambit-Rogue-Magneto love triangle function under an emergency. A terrorist attack happens and they all put on their work face, because this is the work that they handle. Any romantic squabbles are set aside. Magneto asks Gambit the situation without any of previous boosting over him or even hard feelings that Rogue just admitted to choosing him. And then immediately they form a plan as a team to take care of the threat like they always would. They are professionals. We do get a scene of Rogue trying to save Magneto and Gambit needing to hold her back. Then Magneto protects not just Rogue but both of them as he sacrifices himself. Again understanding that feelings can’t get involved here, they have a duty to protect people.

               Some people find the final scene extra tragic because Gambit died thinking Rogue choose Magneto over him. But I don’t think it matters. He would have sacrificed himself to save her regardless of what she choose.

               To summarize they are some many scenes in this episode where I expected characters to follow troupes and throw jealousy-fueled temper tantrums. Instead it was one of the most refreshingly mature portrayals of adult jealousy I have seen in any show. No, the answer is not “Polyamory would have fixed all of this.” But instead we get, “Toxic monogamy is not the only way to write a story.” It makes the characters so much more relatable and enjoyable to watch just to see them not drown in toxic monogamy and petty jealousy. I hope more stories can learn from these examples.

#x men 97 #jealousy #non-monogamy #writting #Storytelling

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#polyamory #polyam #nonmonogamy #humor

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[polyamzeal]

I hope you're doing well and having a merry holiday!

This ask was sent back on Xmas day to give an idea of how far behind I am on asks! I am trying to catch up slowly but surely. I am sorry that life has been too busy and I don't spam too many at one time.

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[polyamzeal]

Honestly, I am super new to the polyamorous world. Currently married to my high school sweetheart (been together for 14 yearw and we have 2 grade school children) but have recently opened the idea of having multiple partners. Found myself falling hard for one of my best friends and my husband has been super supportive in letting me explore that. I wanted to tell you this because honestly, I love the stuff you post and it has helped me so much in expressing myself and feeling understood. We live in a very southern and religious area so polyamory is so frowned upon here. Your blog has been a ray of sunshine for me. Thank you for all you do 💕

Sincerely, a friend

Aww thank you so much! I need to often remind myself that I live in Chicago outside of the west coast it is probably one of the better places to be polyamory in this country. the community is massive and really supportive. My heart always goes out to people living in places less friendly towards non-monogamy. It is honestly such an honor for you to call me a ray of sunshine for me. It makes me so happy to put this content out and help people.

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[polyamzeal]

I thinks the ones who say polyamory is an excuse for cheating either have done the cheating themselves and they know that and are projecting their insecurities and ignorance onto it or been with someone who has mess with their mindset on polyamory and have a hard time unlearning it

Unfortunately there are lots of bad toxic people out there that have tried to label their cheating as "polyamory" and think that means they can get away with it. It gives us such a bad name but we need to be aware that it does exist and happen. I think most people who put down polyamory as you describe probably haven't ever encountered somebody like that but it is still important that don't just dismiss the claim and sweep it under the rug.

I think it is important to point out that 'cheating' can happen polyamory too. I would wager it is less common than in monogamy but just like breakups it happens in both. Sometimes relationships are just relationships. Be they monogamous or non-monogamous they might not actually be all that different.

#anon ask #polyamzeal answers

[polyamzeal]

I am "co-primary" with my metamour for my partner, and the three of us are preparing for a discussion about future planning, expectations, goals, etc, to make sure we're all on the same page as life partners. I really want it to be comprehensive, so I've been reading a lot of relationship future planning pieces, but they're all monoamory-centric and tend to leave some things assumed (like finances will join when you're married, but the three of us cannot all be married so finances don't have a default). We have some joint questions about housing, finances, and marriage for life entanglement, as well as general thoughts of how polyamory will continue to fit into our lives, but I'm worried there are some blindspots. Do you have any suggestions for things that we should absolutely make sure we're all on the same page about?

This is a particularly good question. I think it is wise to look at existing relationship-future planning pieces as I think a fair amount would still apply or could be easily adapted. I think make notes on each piece of advice on if it works as is or if it needs to be code-switched to fit polyamory. I think once you have all that listed out some of the blind spots will become more visible. I would think up what non-monogamy specific things might come up. Like what if they want to bring a date home. Or does it cause any issues if they spend the night at a partner's home and aren't home for a day or two.

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[polyamzeal]

Hey hi, uh, I was wondering...

If you ever watched "Girlfriend, Girlfriend", what do you think about how it represents the challenges of non monogamy?

It is a comedy anime that has quite intense and direct characters, a slice of life about a man who is now dating two girls

I am embarassed about asking so I will turn on the anon mode >.<

I AM A HUGE FAN OF GIRLFRIEND, GIRLFRIEND!!!

I actually just finished reading the manga. Seen season 1 both subbed and dubbed. I look forward to rewatching season 2 with the dub.

For a long time I have wanted to do a big project where i go episode by episode analyzing each episode from a polyamory perspective. But yeah my overall opinion is that it is surprisingly a very good polyamorous romcom.

I have no idea why you would be embarrassed about asking???

#polyamzeal answers #anon ask #Girlfriend Girlfriend #Kanojo mo Kanojo

[polyamzeal]

I'm getting married to one of my partners! For various reasons we figured that would be best for us.

Now I'm just wondering if I should have a bachelorette party. (I guess I'm closer to a girl in gender rn so-) and what I'd even do. I mean I never liked that idea of marriage being the end of 'freedom' even before I realized I was polyam, but. I have no clue. I guess it might be fun?

I think so! I also personally don't plan to get married myself. But if you are getting married it sounds like you should party and celebrate. I would do whatever stuff makes you happy. It is a bit cliche but I think it is honestly not uncommon for polyamorous people to have an orgy before a wedding LOL

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#polyamory #polyam #nonmonogamy #Mean girls

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#polyamory #polyam #nonmonogamy #Mean girls

[polyamzeal]

#polyamory #polyam #nonmonogamy