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Sephiroth has decided that if he ever finds a way to sneak a real fact about himself past the PR filter, the one thing he most wants the public to know about him is that, when he is alone in his apartment, he shits with the bathroom door open. Nobody who overheard him say this thinks he remembers it once he is sober.

But he does.

#shitpost #headcanon #sephiroth #crisis core #final fantasy vii

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Can Sephiroth carry Zack?

No, Zack is too wriggly.

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AU in which Zack manifests a wing by sheer force of will.

No, he isn't shy about using it. Or showing it off. Or swatting the backs of peoples' knees with it. Or tickling people with his feathers.

#cloud doesn't like this one #shitpost #silly AUs #zack fair #crisis core #final fantasy vii

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Professor Hojo was once seen to gaze in disappointment at an x-ray series of Sephiroth's spine and mutter to himself:

"Just as structurally unsound as the rest of us, I'm afraid."

#shitpost #incorrect quotes #professor hojo #sephiroth #crisis core #final fantasy vii

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Genesis applies a very elaborate moral calculus to the treatment of books.

It's practically a capital offense to dogear a library book, for example, but for certain types of airport paperbacks, you can feel free to literally tear the book in half and throw away the part you've finished and Genesis will not bat an eye. Those paperbacks will fall apart on their own in six months anyway.

He is skeptical of Lazard's (alcohol-fuelled) idea to buy up remaindered copies of President Shinra's autobiography to use as hamster cage liner, but mainly because nobody they know has a pet hamster.

#shitpost #headcanon #genesis rhapsodos #crisis core #final fantasy vii

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50 Shades of Over It.

(Based directly off of this post.)

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"Even the mightiest SOLDIERs take naps!" - Angeal Hewley

In which Angeal captures a moment too rare to miss between his friends on their way to a mission somewhere.

could this also be useful as blackmail? probably XD

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AU in which Sephiroth becomes a season ticket holder of the Midgar opera.

This is, of course, the one form of high culture that Genesis just can't stand.

#shitpost #silly AUs #sephiroth #genesis rhapsodos #crisis core #final fantasy vii

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I got smacked in the face by some funny inspiration this morning and was helpless to resist.

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When asked what he thinks about this statement, Genesis says:

#shitpost #incorrect quotes #genesis rhapsodos #angeal hewley #crisis core #final fantasy vii

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#shitpost #incorrect quotes #angeal hewley #crisis core #final fantasy vii

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Angeal has repeatedly explained to many people on the SOLDIER residence floor that it's a myth that loud noises will cause a soufflé to collapse.

Someone still puts up big "EMERGENCY QUIET HOURS IN EFFECT!!!" posters all down the hallway every time he so much as mentions baking one.

#shitpost #headcanon #angeal hewley #crisis core #final fantasy vii

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They share a single braincell

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STOP SMILING!!!!!!!!!

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AU in which the timeline is all higgledy-piggledy and the task of babysitting Sephiroth and Aerith falls to eighteen-year-old Angeal and Genesis.

The Banora boys don't know what hit them half the time, and the other half they know all too well.

#shitpost #silly AUs #sephiroth #aerith gainsborough #angeal hewley #genesis rhapsodos #crisis core #final fantasy vii

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fanart of chibified roche from rebirth!

I have brainrot for him 🥲