punkstylerecovery

[punkstylerecovery]

At some point in your life, you were taught that being slightly annoying is an unforgivable sin. Maybe it was by your parents or a teacher or a friend or a bully or an older sibling. But someone taught you that being slightly annoying is a crime punishable by death.

You must unlearn this.

You must accept that all people will be annoying at some point or another in their lives, maybe all of their lives, and that this is okay. It is okay for strangers on the bus, it is okay for children in the grocery store, it is okay for people on social media, and it is okay for you.

If you ever want to truly love your fellow humans, if you ever want to truly love yourself, you must have forgiveness for being annoying.

#thoughtful recovery

[punkstylerecovery]

I work really hard to keep my trauma from making me lash out at people. I'm aware in the worst way possible of how you can fuck people up by not working through your trauma and I know I'm not exempt from that, so I'm always trying to make sure I'm not fucking others [and myself] over like that.

But it's hard to tell sometimes, being as isolated as I am, what reactions are just trauma-based and what reactions are more stable and something to listen to more. It's not like I can ask most of the people around me [who aren't supportive] for feedback.

Which means some things I just have to puzzle over and endlessly wonder if my knee-jerk thoughts have any weight beyond my bad experiences.

It makes me wish we had a Trauma Jury, where traumatized folks could talk about situations and explain what they're feeling and other traumatized folks could advise them on how to handle it. So even people like me who don't have regular trusted people to talk about trauma-related situations with could have some help from other non-therapist people.

[punkstylerecovery]

Your trauma is valid if you were neglected for reasons other people see as "valid" like if your parents had to work multiple jobs, or you had a sick sibling. It's still neglect and you deserved better.

[punkstylerecovery]

If you’ve been stuck trying to please a mom who became abusive/toxic because of generational trauma, realize you won’t save her. You might be the subject of your mom’s rage, paranoia, obsession etc - but you are not the cause of it. And if you didn’t change her after all those years of begging her, bargaining with her, self-harming, isolating, defending yourself, etc, you are not going to change her now. When they say “you can only save someone who wants to be saved”, that applies here. When they say “the only person who you can control is yourself” that applies here. Please let go of this guilt that you carry for something that’s entirely out of your hands. These ideas are pertinent to creating your path to freedom.

#thoughtful recovery #abuse tw #parental abuse #child abuse

[punkstylerecovery]

I think the hardest part about addressing child abuse is getting people to acknowledge, not just intellectually but actually responding accordingly, is that the biggest threat to children, the biggest risk of abuse, is family and parents.

it is of course most often parents who are crowing about needing to protect children (often against far smaller threats than family), and pointing out that they are, statistically, the biggest threat to their kids is not gonna be received well.

#thoughtful recovery

[punkstylerecovery]

I work really hard to keep my trauma from making me lash out at people. I'm aware in the worst way possible of how you can fuck people up by not working through your trauma and I know I'm not exempt from that, so I'm always trying to make sure I'm not fucking others [and myself] over like that.

But it's hard to tell sometimes, being as isolated as I am, what reactions are just trauma-based and what reactions are more stable and something to listen to more. It's not like I can ask most of the people around me [who aren't supportive] for feedback.

Which means some things I just have to puzzle over and endlessly wonder if my knee-jerk thoughts have any weight beyond my bad experiences.

It makes me wish we had a Trauma Jury, where traumatized folks could talk about situations and explain what they're feeling and other traumatized folks could advise them on how to handle it. So even people like me who don't have regular trusted people to talk about trauma-related situations with could have some help from other non-therapist people.

#not to rep the legal system but #i would kill for a Trauma Jury #non official ofc #like even a discord or something #itd just be dope yknow #and super helpful for ppl who dont have ppl around them #that they can bounce trauma related shit off of #obviously i have a therapist but like #lets not pretend we can tell therapists everything #or tell them stuff just #regulary all the time #in normal settings #PTSD #living with PTSD #abuse recovery #trauma recovery #punkstyle

[punkstylerecovery]

“I just don’t want that for myself anymore” is a valid reason to stop anything.

#thoughtful recovery

[punkstylerecovery]

i guess the thing for me is that like. if you want to put an end to domestic abuse you have to be open to rethinking prisons, wage labour and the family unit. like if you're gonna drill down and really get to grips with what abuse and compulsion actually mean and prevent them wherever they arise, then that puts a lot of how our society is organised under scrutiny.

i'll exemplify. we have a society where it is acceptable to have an employment relationship that makes people think "well i don't want to be here, but because of economic forces i am forced to be comply". as long as we have that sort of society, we will also have romantic and sexual relationships where people think "well i don't want to be here, but because of economic forces i am forced to comply".

it's the same thing! we consider it acceptable for the market to force people to do things they don't want to do. that's the basis of our present society. and as long as that is the basis of our society, we will have situations where the market forces women to stay with their shitty boyfriends.

[punkstylerecovery]

I am so proud of you.

Thank you. <3

#punkstyle askbox #<3 #i appreciate this so much fr

[punkstylerecovery]

MORE INTERESTED IN HOW MY LIFE FEELS THAN HOW MY LIFE LOOKS TO OTHERS.

#thoughtful recovery #tryyying

[punkstylerecovery]

No one has to "extend grace" to their abusive parents. Ever

[punkstylerecovery]

It's not funny how common victim-shaming and supporting abusers is. So many people like to say they'd support victims, that abusers are disgusting but when it comes to actual situations where they need to support victims/survivors, they waver.

They say, "I don't think that's abusive." They say, "Are you sure that's how it happened?" They say, "But that's not how [X] treated me." They say, "Maybe you two just need some space."

And it makes sense in a way. So many abusers abuse friends and family, which makes for a twisted web to untangle. It's scary to realize you didn't notice abuse happening, or that you participated in it, or that you've been friends/family with someone doing it.

But it's scarier being abused and realizing the people around you won't support you the way you need. It's scarier realizing to everyone else, what's happening to you isn't bad enough for them to help.

It makes me wish people actually knew more about abuse, about how to talk to victims/survivors. Abuse survivors/victims shouldn't have to be the bravest people in the room, fighting even their friends/family to get them to recognize what they've gone through.

[punkstylerecovery]

It's not funny how common victim-shaming and supporting abusers is. So many people like to say they'd support victims, that abusers are disgusting but when it comes to actual situations where they need to support victims/survivors, they waver.

They say, "I don't think that's abusive." They say, "Are you sure that's how it happened?" They say, "But that's not how [X] treated me." They say, "Maybe you two just need some space."

And it makes sense in a way. So many abusers abuse friends and family, which makes for a twisted web to untangle. It's scary to realize you didn't notice abuse happening, or that you participated in it, or that you've been friends/family with someone doing it.

But it's scarier being abused and realizing the people around you won't support you the way you need. It's scarier realizing to everyone else, what's happening to you isn't bad enough for them to help.

It makes me wish people actually knew more about abuse, about how to talk to victims/survivors. Abuse survivors/victims shouldn't have to be the bravest people in the room, fighting even their friends/family to get them to recognize what they've gone through.

#punkstyle #trauma recovery #abuse recovery #ok to reblog #abuse mention #abuse tw #victim shaming

[punkstylerecovery]

and is your shame helpful? is it inspiring goodness and change? or is it keeping you frozen in time unable to move on and be everything you have expanded to be?

[punkstylerecovery]

as great as it is to set your boundaries, it’s just as important to learn to respect others’ boundaries

#thoughtful recovery

[punkstylerecovery]

It's okay to be scraping by. Even if you would rather be doing better, even if you technically could be doing better. Sometimes the weight of things just pushes us down. Keep moving forward, even if is slow. In time you will be back where you want to be.

#thoughtful recovery

[punkstylerecovery]

The thing about having unhealthy/unsupportive people in your life is that when you love those people, it feels like betrayal, it feels like heartbreak when they refuse to change/grow so that you can keep a relationship with them. It hurts like a reopened wound every time they disappoint you or hurt you or joke about either of those things.

But after almost being pushed to suicide numerous times and being pushed to an actual attempt once, mostly by these people's actions, that hurt isn't constant for me anymore even when they do hurt me. It's almost like they've done so much its just gotten old and I can't find it in me to hurt because of them anymore. It's like I tolerate them because I have to but they don't hold that space in my heart anymore where they can hurt me.

It's a relief in certain ways. I thought I'd die feeling like that, I thought it'd never stop no matter what they did to me. But I'm also scared it'll come back, that this apathy is temporary. And I feel like a bad person because this is technically my family and in their books, they love me.

By that line of logic, isn't it wrong is me to stop loving them, or dislike them, or no longer feel that pain because of them?

I'm not sure if I should just feel lucky it doesn't hurt so much anymore or feel bad because of what that means.