redwinenblueskies

[redwinenblueskies]

I hate food, why do i have to eat to survive. I wish food addiction was like idk alcohol addiction, because.. you can avoid alcohol, but everybody will tell you to eat, they will even force you to eat.

Im sorry for comparing these two things, I shouldn’t be doing that, its just how i feel, sorry

#€d #tw ed vent #pr0 ana diary #b!nge #tw ed in the tags #tw ed diet #wanna lose weight #i wanna be sk1nny #tw ed relapse

[redwinenblueskies]

I lost 3 kg

#€d #pr0 ana diary #tw ed vent

[redwinenblueskies]

My mom : why are u doing this? Do you want to lose weight? Youre pretty..

This hurts.. its much deeper than that mom. Im not good at anything so i want to be good at least at something i can control.. which is not going well.. but im trying and one day, ill do it and ill be pretty and skinny and great at something

#tw ed vent #i hate myself #pr0 ana diary #€d #4n0r3x14 #anaraxia #im not enough #eating problems

[redwinenblueskies]

Its not fair im not pretty, skinny, and cant do anything right

#€d #tw ed vent #pr0 ana diary #weight loss #food tw #i wanna be sk1nny #tw€d #4n0r3x14

[redwinenblueskies]

Does your stomach hurt after you eat?

Because i fasted for idk 10 hours? And then i had a greek yoghurt with a small apple and a pear and my stomach hurts.. whatever ehm..

So it was 240 calories and i also went for a walk before the breakfast and i burned around 206 calories (i hope)

#tw ed vent #hate food #€d #tw€d #pr0 ana diary #i wanna be sk1nny #weight loss #food tw #thinsbo #4n0r3x14

[redwinenblueskies]

making a list of my reasons to keep going so i don’t chicken out this time

jawline

cheekbones

collarbones

getting piggyback rides

people being able to lift you

being able to share clothes

boys will finally look at me

the lack of face fat will make my nose look skinnier and my eyes/lips look bigger

not being embarrassed to go shopping with my friends

being able to wear makeup and cute clothes without looking like a failure that’s trying too hard

finally suiting my height so i’ll be seen as short and cute instead of stubby and chubby

being prettier than all the other girls in my family

sex

not being scared of yearly doctor’s appointments

bikinis

crop tops

shorts

form fitting clothing in general

jewelry finally looking cute instead of awkward on me

rings fitting without looking like they’re stuck

shaving taking half the time

showers overall being less stressful

being able to look in a mirror

finally being one of the pretty ones at school

being hot by the time i get to college

the idea of people wanting to see me naked

being fucked instead of killed in fuck marry kill for once

or even just married

anything but killed honestly

being able to eat in front of people without looking like a fat pig

people thinking i’m cutely awkward when i’m uncoordinated and bad at sports instead of thinking i’m a lazy fat bitch

getting genuine compliments instead of desperate straight-up-lie compliments girls say to you to be nice when you compliment them

people finally wanting to be my friend instead of being ashamed to be near the ugly fat bitch

finally knowing my clothing size

not getting marks on my stomach from my jeans being too tight

being able to be in photos without looking ugly and disgusting

skinny hands

nail polish actually looking good on me bc my hands won’t be gross looking

going into dressing rooms with friends

not being embarrassed of telling my friends my bra size bc the band number won’t be fucking huge

not looking noticeably bulky when i wear baggy clothes

will be adding to this whenever i think of something new lol

[redwinenblueskies]

I have to be harder on myself i hate myself so much. Stupid cow.

#hate food #wanna lose weight #pr0 ana diary #tw ed vent #food tw #tw€d #€d

[redwinenblueskies]

I want to be skinny, i want to see my bones

Food is actually fucking stupid

I feel like shit after eating

I want people to think im pretty

I want to save up some money and dont spend it on food

I want to be pretty

I like being hungry

After i eat my body is warm and i sweat and im bloated… ew

#€d #tw ed vent #pr0 ana diary #hate food #tw ed in the tags #thinsbo #4n0r3x14

[redwinenblueskies]

Tw binge

Binged. I have to be better. And i was i really tried. But then i started questioning if i eat too much, i started to be bloated ( i think its because of eating too much fruit and eating sugar.. cause i had a cake. Stupid idiot ik.) so i was like whatever ill eat more.

I’ll get better … i have to remember that even a little progress is a progress and to just keep going

#€d #tw ed vent #pr0 ana diary #i wanna be sk1nny #hate food #food tw #tw€d

[redwinenblueskies]

Im losing weight IM LOSING WEIGHT

#tw ed vent #€d #pr0 ana diary #thinsbo #i wanna be sk1nny #tw ed diet

[redwinenblueskies]

She made me some food….. i felt so bad to say i dont want it. God i hate this

#€d #tw ed vent #pr0 ana diary #weight loss #i want to be a skeleton

[redwinenblueskies]

I hate being on my period it makes me so fat and ugly and i just want to give up

#tw ed vent

[redwinenblueskies]

I dont know what to do… i try to eat as little as possible, but everytime i eat i get SO bloated and it hurts and makes me feel like shit. I wish I didn’t have to eat anything, food is the worst i hate it

#€d #tw ed vent

[redwinenblueskies]

This morning i weighted 64,3 kg / 141,7 lbs. This is the lowest i have ever went. Im actually impressed. Its not enough tho

[redwinenblueskies]

Im going to my grandmas for the whole month and hopefully she will not make me eat. I didn’t make any progress with my weight loss, im stuck at 65,2 kg / 143 lbs… its like its impossible for me to go lower:// i hate that. I hope i will lose something and get to 50kg / 110 lbs.

I want to eat low calorie food, more protein, run every morning, exercise for 45 min and walk a lot.

I also want to start drawing again, ill be drawing every evenin, especially evening, because i often binge in the evening, so i want to keep myself as busy as possible.

If it all goes well i will lose at least 5 kg / 11lbs by the end of august

#tw ed vent #€d #pr0 ana diary #th!nsp0 #weight loss #tw weight #tw€d

[redwinenblueskies]

I have no idea how many calories i eat in a day which is frustrating. The scale we have at home is broken and im also worried that my mom will get worried.. so i just have to pray i eat less than 1000 calories

#tw ed vent #€d #st@rving #weight loss #skinnnny #to the bone #hate food

[redwinenblueskies]

The worst thing ever