remove-the-stairs-bitch

[remove-the-stairs-bitch]

The greatest misery you will ever face is the misery found in trying to search for yourself in yourself. It takes the words of other people. It takes selflessness. And selflessness takes growth.

I'll tell you all now what I wish I had known back then: Growth is NEVER easy. It is NEVER fun, at least until you figure out that it *is* growth. But it's always so much better than running from your problems or stagnating. When we grow, we become free. When we grow, we stop caring about our wants. We begin to ask others what they want.

A person who is not learning is actively dying. A person who is not working is actively dying. A person who is not growing is actively dying. These things take a lot of work to want to do. I learned this the hard way. When we look at it all like chores or responsibility, it becomes this drudgery that we "ought to just get over with, or the whole day will be dull." It is not. Just like putting the laundry away, or sweeping the front porch, it's a privilege. It's something that we have earned and we should want to keep in good order.

Growth is pain. Beauty is pain. Life is pain. I hate to say it, but in order to leave the pain of growth and beauty and life behind, you either have to push past it, or you have to give up. There's only one of these options I condone, which is perseverance. Somebody who does not persevere will never grow, and will never learn, and will never experience joy. These things, again, are not easy. They are not fun. They are work. And that little bit of work, that light, momentary affliction, is the first step towards growth.

Nobody likes to change. It is frightening. It is painful. It's difficult. But there have been several times that I've heard and seen the sentiment that it's the world that ought to change. This isn't true. This will never be true. The world doesn't care. And it never will. In reality, and in my experience, the change that truly needs to happen is individual. Not to become more accepting or tolerant, but to become somebody who is willing to help others. Not that helping others is necessary, but the willingness and readiness to help others is a big part of being human. If we did not want to help each other, we would have no society.

I have experienced all of this. From change in my extraneous circumstances to change in my own body. They never tell you just how horrible being a teenager is, and the "changes" they tell you about are so incredibly understated. If I had continued down the path that I had chosen, I am certain I would have stepped in front of a freight train at some point. In that age, you have no desire to change. You're already changing so much that any more is overwhelming. I understand it; I am still going through it.

But life prepares us by being difficult. Nothing comes easy, except death. What is gained from a death but sorrow? So then do the work necessary to be alive. Don't spend your extra energy here, or on games, or on YouTube, or otherwise. Spend it doing something you love. I hate to sound like I'm on a high horse. But time spent on producing tangible results (be it drawing, gardening, exercising, reading, speaking to family, or otherwise,) is time spent producing visible landmarks of progress. Even if the drawing turns out like shit. Even if the flowers don't bloom and the peppers aren't good. Even if you're sore the next day, even if the book sucks, even if your family doesn't agree with you. Everything is progress.

Even the least respected jobs have high demand. If there were no fast food workers, where would most of America eat? If there were no garbage collectors, who would take away our waste? If there was no postal service, who would deliver checks and bills? Therefore, find some way to find honor in your work, and you will appreciate it more.

#Misery and the pursuit of joy #soul searching #growth #change #fear of change #fear in itself #I will tell you all now. I know that few of you will listen. #Emotions do not make us who we are. We are where we are. We are our names. We are our relationships with other people. #If we forget this then we will be forever divided.

[remove-the-stairs-bitch]

>I have seen them, those images that have broken through the astral plane, the ones built on a flawed and broken collective consciousness.

>I have borne witness to them. Printed in my mail. Pasted on billboards.

>They stare down with soulless eyes. They bear down upon me with grins of just too many teeth. Just a little too much reflected in their eyes. Just a bit more feeling than I'd ever be given, in AM's words "not for me" but who am I to say I'm not them.

>Those demons. Those unholy images. Of false landscapes. Of lies. They don't break out of my mind for an instant. They live on, like an inverse incubus, first being action, then word, then thought.

>I have seen them printed. I have seen them in videos. But I've begun to see them among my family. My friends. The people I once loved.

>You can tell just the same. The empty but emotional eyes. The dewy skin. The hair that's just too perfect.

>Chimeras have a tell. Manticores have a tell. Witches have a tell.

>Rakshasas have a tell. >Their hands aren't right. As though they never did figure out what they're used for. As though they're just another part of a person, which means they can be flawed, imperfect, just like a person's thoughts.

>My brother's hands have appeared odd to me for a few days now. But it's only just occurred to me that they're backwards.

#schizoposting #shitposting #AI artwork #horror

[remove-the-stairs-bitch]

but he's groovy... he even makes balloon animals...

Why are phobias considered irrational. Like fear of clowns. That's rational because it's a guy you don't know

[remove-the-stairs-bitch]

It's December, somebody post season's greason's

[remove-the-stairs-bitch]

A tangent about myself, corporations, and absolutes, or My Experience.

I am going to speak on my own experience as a now cis white woman, previously a transgender/nb person. I might say things that you won't like, and that's fine. I know that there are people who don't like what I'll say. And that's good. Disliking certain things about people is a great opportunity for growth. It teaches nuance and depth, and there are things about even my closest friends that I don't like and yet see past. I still love them. My best friends are either far left or far right or wholly centrist, and that's okay. Because they're people. And we need to be able to see people as people, instead of just mirrors of our flawed selves.

As a disclaimer, this includes what some might consider transphobia, but I don't. Like parents keeping someone from transitioning bc of their age or someone breaking up with a new trans person. Also includes a death in the family. My own views on topics are heteronormative and based in Christianity, my parents views, my peers views, and the things I've seen and experienced, online and off. Don't discount my views for any of these, and if you do, please explain why.

I'll start with 2020, the year I joined tumblr and started doubting my identity as a woman/girl/female person. It was a rough time for everyone, and my 15 year old egocentrism did not help. At the time, I was dating a man of 16 years. I call him a man because he was wise in many ways, and in my mind he earned the title. But when I started questioning my gender, I told one of my friends about it. Consequently, she told her parents about it. And they told the man I was with about it. Because of my egocentrism, I was blind to how much it hurt him to think that his potential future wife was intent on becoming a man. I would have left him, as it's called, a trans widower. I say would have because there are nuances to this story that I'll explain later on here.

After a while of thinking that I was either a male or something between the genders, I eventually began identifying as a demigirl. The reason I thought I was a man or between the two at the time was my isolation from others, the natural desire to rebel at that age, and the fact that I was seeing so many trans men on YouTube tik tok compilations. On top of these was my stress from school, my stress from switching chores with my younger brother, and the stress of transitioning in itself. I blamed all of my problems on my gender. This did not solve anything. Because it didn't solve anything, I blamed the others around me, growing more and more abrasive towards the people I cared about until my mom pulled me aside and told me that there are people in my life who had it far worse than I did. It was not an actual of transphobia. What she did opened my eyes to the idea that I was not the center of the world, not even the center of my own. She told me that one of my best friends had been the victim of a violent crime, and while I was caught up in my own gender, I completely ignored her pain. I was a worse friend, a worse child, and a worse person, because I was focused solely on my problems and my image. That was when the facade began to break.

I began detransitioning in 2021. It was easy, free, and more freeing than trying to cram who I am into an agender box. I'm very glad that I wasn't able to find hormones at the time, or I'd be suffering the effects to this day. It was an emotional drain for the pressurized bottle I had built up in myself. And it was a struggle. There were times when I'd look in the mirror and think to myself, "I'm very masc presenting today," and then realized that's just how I normally dressed when I was younger. When I completely identified as a girl. It was hard because I saw other people transitioning. And when they finished transitioning, nothing changed. Their circumstances did not get better. Their grades sometimes dropped. Their quality of life went down. Their already strained relationships with their families broke entirely in some cases. It hurt to see.

My ideology then changed. I returned to my religion in August of 2021, and was able to find some peace. It was a great comfort to me, even when tragedy hit. My older brother left the family in pursuit of a narcissist. They were trans as well, but had multiple mental illnesses that made them arguably unfit to take care of another person, much less the polycule they had amassed. This hit my family hard, almost as though my brother had died. (I say this with the experience of losing a parent, not with the intent of coming off as saying "he was dead to us.") He left on a sour note, not telling us that he loved us anymore. I started a D&D campaign in the hopes of having some small connection to him, and it succeeded. Eventually, he was a victim of the very person he left us for, and he came back, traumatized. We have a place for him to this day, and he's at least slightly more comfortable with himself and his gender than he was when he returned to us. He doesn't lie when hardship strikes anymore, and he knows that we love him no matter his choices or his struggles.

In 2022, I got high grades and was nearly able to graduate. I had no need for other curriculum, as I had already met and exceeded the requirements for my state's high school graduates. I was undecided, so I opted to go through the summer of 2023 and see which way the wind blew. Over that summer, my father died. It was during a family trip that we had been planning for a while. It was unexpected, but wasn't as awful as I thought it would be. This may just be because of my religion, as it gives an answer for what goes on after death, and gives anecdotes of folks being brought back to life. I understood that no tears would bring him back. But I also understood that I was his legacy. And that he died proud of himself, his family, and his peers. In all likelihood, he died contentedly.

I quit my part time job and decided to try school again, if for nothing else then for the social security benefits. This proved to be a bad move. The friends I had there promoted unhealthy lifestyles, and although I loved them, I couldn't stay and let them affect me. So I left school, which wasn't something the teachers wanted me to do (I'm sorry Ms. F, I'll come back to show off my sewing projects!), but it was necessary in order to push myself to grow up. That was immediately stifled by a knee surgery (which was prescribed basically the week after my dad's death, bc I dislocated my knee right before going to the hospital to see his cadaver). It is now December, and here I am yapping about my personal life online.

I intended to speak on the near-widower that left me after I came out. We're back together. He still loved me. I just needed to grow up to see that.

There are people out there who might hate you as a trans person. But there's a solid difference between hate, ignorance, and concern. Hate is active oppression. There is oppression, and from what I've seen it's on a systemic and corporate level. But it's not on a personal level. On a personal level there's either ignorance or concern. What I experienced when I was struggling with my gender was concern. There was no ignorance in my case. The people who left me left for the same reason I left my school. It was because they saw the path I was taking and did not want to be shouted over while I was wandering. People can leave people they love because it's better to give a situation to the authorities than it is to try and fix it yourself. If my fiance hadn't left me, my mental and emotional state would have rubbed off on him and hurt him. I could have done more harm if he didn't cut me off when he did. For that, I think I'll forever be grateful. The people who stay stay because they know you need support while you'd still say they're toxic or hateful. That's what I thought of my parents until I was able to see the bigger picture. If your parents are actively beating you or shouting at you or gaslighting you, of course don't stay. But I recommend taking a second to ask about what's happening around you instead of within you. Because of today's culture, I took the notion that the answer was always inside me far too seriously. Sometimes the answer is in the people who care about you.

But this brings me to the second part of my little rant here. I came to the realization that the less people identify with solid and tangible things, the more the corporations in control of our country can manipulate us. There's pridewashing, virtue signalling, deflecting when serious issues are brought up, and we ignore it for the sake of letting these corporations remain the one stable thing in our lives. There are far more tech jobs these days than agriculture, and because of this, we could end up starving while corporations pull an Orwell on us and say there has never been a steady supply of grain. Or that there has always been a poor AQI. Or that we need the new Juicero Pro to do our taxes instead of making juice. I don't feel like America itself is the problem, but the corruption within it. I still rely on a device created with slave labor to share outlandish opinions and borderline radical ideology with you few, but I don't want it and I don't need it. I could just as easily toss this thing against a wall and be fine. (I won't bc my mom would be rather miffed if I did, but you get my point.) I could survive for a good long while without it, and probably be far happier. Same with all the trinkets and plastic I've accumulated, in my bloodstream and otherwise. I have no need nor desire for these things, and yet I keep them.

But there's a need and desire for at least a little tradition, which is expressed by many women who are sick and tired of being lumped into the modern idea of "man, woman, or nonbinary," and just want to be allowed to be tomboys again. Or just want to be allowed to be a wife. There's nothing inherently wrong with desiring a home with a working man and kids. There is something wrong with telling women what they can and can't do, according to modern feminism, and yet the women who want to be homemakers are silenced and shouted down, along with detransitioners among the lgbt. Aren't these people valid too? Isn't their plight just as understandable? But they're pushed to the margins as low statistics that really don't matter in the long run. Along with trans widows/widowers. Is it not wrong that we're ignoring the people who we harm with our movements? Isn't the point that we help the hurt? So why aren't we helping the people we're leaving behind? It's concerning is all. A society based on a single voice is no society at all.

Sorry for the rant. If anything here has resonated with you, feel free to comment about it. Same with anything that has struck a nerve. I miss being able to speak about the things I disagree on in a kind manner. I miss the good that disagreement brings.

#Long rant #Feminism #Detransitioning #Trans issues #The deranged opinions of some American cis her white woman #Capitalism

[remove-the-stairs-bitch]

.

#Many people with nothing are the most wealthy. #The inverse can apply to those with much. #There's a good reason that it's said that the rich cannot get into heaven. And it is superiority/pride. #The poor can more easily make it into the pearly gates because they understand their fellow man's struggle. #The rich while capable of empathy have to practice it instead of simply having it. #Wealth is not money or personal gain / not what you have while others have not. #Wealth is not enviable or even visible. Wealth is what one has to offer a society. #And this is not to say that the rich are not wealthy. #Even Jeffery Bezos had good moments / even Musk has his times. #Hybrid vehicles / easy grocery shopping / modern infrastructure / even things like Tylenol were made by the rich. #But there's a certain type of goodness in a person that can only be found when they're at their lowest. #Pain is not always bad / believe it or not. #It's a chore to get through #and I never found it fun or exciting or helpful in the moment. #But when you go through the worst pain of your life #that's when you start to see the best of yourself and others around you. #The rich does not receive empathy #For the rich do not appear to deliver empathy. #Ensure that no matter someone's financial status you treat them with decency and dignity. #I don't know a lot of things. I just had a thought and it spiralled. Take what you will of this #but in context.

[remove-the-stairs-bitch]

I need knee sugary

Hi! How are you? And why do you hate stairs?

I hated stairs due to poor exercise. I am stronger now, probably should change my name to horrible-stair-liker.

[remove-the-stairs-bitch]

I dislocated my knee so I'm keeping the username.

Hi! How are you? And why do you hate stairs?

I hated stairs due to poor exercise. I am stronger now, probably should change my name to horrible-stair-liker.

[remove-the-stairs-bitch]

I have an old plastic skeleton in my room from like a year ago that I rescued from the local Walgreens (I named him Mr. Bones and called him that up until recently), and yesterday I got sick of him hanging on the back of my door fully naked and paying no rent, so I went ahead and clothed him and tossed him into a rocking chair and decided (with any and all (due and undue) disrespect to Walter O'Dim) to rename Mr. Bones to Walter O'Dim. So now I have the skeleton of Walter Randall Marten Broadcloak Flagg O'Dim-Padick BoBalthazar Fe Fi Fo Falthazar the First sitting in my room and spooking me anytime I try to go into my room for any reason other than reading the Dark Tower series or going directly to bed. My deepest and sincerest apologies to Mr. Stephen King. Walter is a certifiable Character and I hate him so much that he's become my favorite quasi-immortal wizard of all time.

#Sir King if you see this please help he keeps stealing my actual bones (aka the ones I collect from dead animals) #I kept saying “Walter needs to die” and look where we are now #He sits there. Just mocking me. Skeletons are far creepier if they're dressed. #Next thing I know he's probably going to take *MY* bones just for the fun of it #Walter O'Dim #Walter Padick #The Dark Tower #Stephen King #Randall Flagg #Marten Broadcloak #Walthazar BoBalthazar Fe Fi Fo Falthazar

[remove-the-stairs-bitch]

#Text says “hey same glasses”. #Dammit it's always the dudes with circle glasses that seem like they could be an honorary great granduncle.

[remove-the-stairs-bitch]

hawaii pt ii? i didnt know they made a second one

[remove-the-stairs-bitch]

joseph

post this joseph when they least expect it

[remove-the-stairs-bitch]

holy shit dude, calm down, you aint even old enough to vote

This wasn’t even real politics, kid, it was ace attorney stuff.

vote for trucy or you’re lesbophobic xxxx

[remove-the-stairs-bitch]

I really like the way the franchise is going, and I’m not sure how I’ll keep up with all the lore. They released like 5 new books last week, all at the same time, and I’m kind of just crying over it bc I can’t afford to buy more books, so I’m just waiting for someone to get tired of them and put them in a “free” bin out on the street.

So I joined a new fandom while I was gone.

Those who don’t know about it, please ignore.

TLTDW is great, and I love how the story intertwines with how the characters act. I also like that they put cooking into it. The book is great, the movie is okay, the video game is worth playing if you like bugs. And crashes. But that’s beside the point. The umbrella their clothes line put out is pretty good, and holds up to weather.

I really like it, what about you guys?

[remove-the-stairs-bitch]

Illithids.

Illithids my beloved. If you’ve played D&D for any amount of time, you know what I’m talking about. They’re squid-headed creatures which subsist on anthropoid brains, and can read/change minds. Continue reading if you must, but I warn you, these creatures don’t take kindly to being known. According to the Ancient Tomes (Gary Gygax’s exchanges with others), these creatures are meant to be lorekeepers, and only speak to others if they have knowledge, wisdom, or power to give them. Gold means naught to these creatures, and according to the wikipedia page for Oryndoll, their physical currency is the eyes of those who have seen and known. Tangentially related, but Stritchy’s eyes would count. Here’s Stritchy, with his own take on this*:

“I’d really rather not have my eyes used as currency, please. Also, using a screenshot of me is very rude. You could have just asked me. As an aside from that, don’t put words in my mouth. It’s a bridge, it’s meant to hold things, not spew them.” Thanks, Stritchy, for your divine wisdom! Anyways, the hierarchy of illithid currency is as follows: Low-intelligence creatures (1 copper) Creatures which are sentient, but not smart (1 silver) Creatures which are sentient and can speak (1 electrum) Creatures that are sentient and speak eloquently (1 gold) Creatures of unknowably high wisdom (1 platinum) 

This fluctuates depending on the amount of psychic residue in, on, and around the eye. For Stritchy, the base value is 1 copper. However, due to its catchphrase “Big Wall”, this value is changed to that for incredibly wise creatures, boosting it up to 1 platinum. However, since Stritchy is not something that would normally have sentience or an intelligence stat, this value is boosted to 13 platinum and 2 gold. Add the wisdom that’s simply oozing from the depths of its ebony irises, and you have exactly 17 platinum, 4 gold, 9 electrum, and 2 copper. This can buy a whole year’s supply of the finest brains from Glyth. Thank you for reading my horrible thoughts, they were never meant to be shared. *Stritchy did not agree to this, nor is he anywhere near me or my friends, and therefore we feel as though we are safe from Stritchy. Stritchy is the home decor of Joe Hawley, and is therefore “owned” by Joe Hawley. It merely resides in his home, though, rather than being owned, so is he really the proprietor of Stritchy? Or is he merely its landlord?

#Illithids #them damn illithids #Illithid currency #Stritchy #Stritchy the Wall Decor #Big Wall #Copyright Stritchy I think #I do not know if Stritchy has copyright to itself #Does Joe Hawley have Stritchy's copyright? #I am not to know. #Sic Semper Stritchy #Sic Semper Joe Hawley #Joe Hawley #If Joe Hawley persists contact your local Joe Hawley control center immediately. #Joe Hawley Joe Hawley Joe Hawley Joe Hawley Joe Hawley Joe Hawley Joe Hawley Joe Hawley Joe Hawley Joe Hawley Joe Hawley Joe Hawley Joe Hawl

[remove-the-stairs-bitch]

I’ve sold out and begun work on a stardew valley fanfic

#It's a fanuscript for Elliott's book Blue Tower #I'm at 7 pages

[remove-the-stairs-bitch]

Does ConcernedApe have a tumblr? I’m working on a fanuscript for Blue Tower and I don’t want to openly bother him about it.