rosescentedbreeze

[rosescentedbreeze]

2/27 ~ 10:44 am

I'm at 104.2. Woo woooooo

(That's an Amberlynn reference, please tell me someone here knows who that is lol)

Also, I realized for the first time yesterday that I have a thigh gap?? I'm naturally pear-shaped, so I've always had a big butt and big thighs. I usually don't bother to check, but I was looking at myself yesterday, and boom it was there! So that's pretty cool lol

I also realized I'm down 30 lbs from my highest weight. I was 134 a long time ago, probably... 2018ish? For most of 2021 I was around 120. But it's still cool to think about.

#tw #cw #ed #not pro just using tags #ana #proana #thinspo

[rosescentedbreeze]

2/26 ~ 11:53 am

I'll be honest. I'm getting really sick of restricting.

I'm at my lowest weight ever, 104.8. I've made really really great progress this month. Idk what I started at, but I've lost close to 10 lbs. I definitely feel and look smaller, but I still feel so far from my goal, which is 93. Like I still see myself as being so puffy. I like some angles, but then I still hate others. It's getting really annoying.

And I just miss food. I've been eating fast food again this week and ughhh. I missed it. I'm sorry, I like eating like garbage lmao. The good thing is that my appetite has genuinely gone down so much that I can't eat as much as I used to, which is really good.

Idkkkk. I'm gonna push through. I'm going to heavily restrict today and tomorrow. That's a promise. Idk what next week is gonna look like, but this weekend, I wanna lose a few more pounds.

Let's fucking do iiitttt

#tw #cw #not pro just using tags #ana #proana #thinspo

[rosescentedbreeze]

2/24 ~ 1:44 pm

Soooo I kind of binged on Panera last night, but thankfully, I didn't gain anything. I'm still right at 105.2. The food was really good though, I don't regret it at all lol. Plus, it's good to maintain for a little while.

I would like to restrict a lot today, but I'm not sure. I have literally no food at my house lol, like I literally ate all of it, so if I were to eat, I would have to go out and get stuff. I'm really craving Taco Bell... we'll see. No promises lol.

So um... I'm meeting someone I think on Monday. A man. (I promise it's not the guy from before) I'm not gonna say much about it now, but I would like to be nice and low for then. He wanted to meet today, but I'm too nervous lol. I'll probably talk about it soon. Or maybe not haha.

#tw #cw #ed #not pro just using tags #ana #proana #thinspo

[rosescentedbreeze]

food log ~ 2/23 (wednesday)

bagel with strawberry jelly: 290

agave lemonade: 110

chipotle chicken avocado sandwich: 470

chips: 150

thai chicken soup: 160

total: 1180 kcal

#tw #cw #ed #not pro just using tags #ana #proana #thinspo

[rosescentedbreeze]

2/23 ~ 10:07 am

Good news! I'm back down to 105.2!

I'm kind of surprised bc I have not been eating that well lately. Not horribly, but not as well as I would like. Like I literally ate almost 800 kcal yesterday. It's hard bc I haven't been able to work lately bc of bad weather, and when I'm home all day, it really makes me want to binge. And I almost did last night, but thank god I didn't lol.

Also y'all... I got bullied yesterday! Whoever posted about how eating a 540 kcal ham sandwich is waayyy too much... You had me laughing my ass off haha. I guess I appreciate the unsolicited meanspo!!

I'm pretty sure I'm not working again today, so hopefully I don't fucking binge. We'll see.

#tw #cw #ed #ana #proana #thinspo

[rosescentedbreeze]

food log ~ 2/22 (tuesday)

brownies: 443

bagel with strawberry jelly: 290

total: 733 kcal

#tw #cw #ed #not pro just using tags #ana #proana #thinspo

[rosescentedbreeze]

why would you eat a ham sandwich for 540kcal?

like, you shouldn't be eating so much through the whole day, let alone in ONE MEAL

like jeez...just restrict yourself better🙄

[rosescentedbreeze]

2/21 ~ 11:27 pm

I've seen a couple posts about this recently, but I really miss the old days of pr*ana tumblr lmao. I started coming on here when I was... 14 or 15 I think? So that was about 6 or 7 years ago. Damn. I don't remember it too well, but it was definitely way more active back then. Not trying to say I don't appreciate all you lovely people haha <3

That was when my bad eating habits really started. I had gained some weight in middle school, which honestly was probably a normal amount. But during high school, I was kind of obsessed with the idea of "glowing up," which to me, mainly meant losing weight. Which I kind of did? I think my bmi went from about 23 to about 20-21. Which was good, but not nearly enough, considering how much work and pain I went through.

My depression was at an all-time high during my first year of college. I gained about 20 lbs. I was a complete hermit. Every weekend, I would buy a shit ton of food on Fridays after class, then try not to leave my dorm room until my first class on Monday morning. I would just cry and binge.

Eventually I started getting help for my mental health, but my bad eating habits crept back in. I lost some weight during the rest of college, probably around 10 lbs. During 2020, I was able to stop my antidepressants, and my eating habits were pretty much normal. My mental health was, possibly, the best it had ever been. I graduated college and was ready to start my adult life.

(Btw, if you're confused about the timeline, my school career was very fast paced. So I graduated college at an early age. Can't give too much info lmao)

Things started to crumble last October. I think it was a mix of bad things happening in life, as well as my depression just naturally coming back. It's been getting worse ever since. I tried to brush it off, but I knew that familiar feeling.

I started my antidepressants again last week. I'm trying to find ways to enjoy life again. I had it figured out last year, and I'm trying so hard to get back to that feeling.

I guess I'm resorting back to one of my old coping mechanisms. Bad eating habits. I'm not using the "a" word because I truly believe that my habits just stem from my depression. But I mean... this is the community I've always leaned on, so take that as you will lol.

The good news is that this is definitely the closest I've ever been to hitting my ugw.

I'm not sure what made me want to share the cliff notes version of my story, but here we are lol. Idk who is reading this, but I hope you find yourself in a better place in life soon. I can tell you from experience that life really has its highs and lows. I guess we're all in a low right now... but we'll eventually get to a high. Then a low again. But then a high again.

#tw #cw #ed #not pro just using tags #ana #proana #thinspo

[rosescentedbreeze]

food log ~ 2/21 (monday)

noodles: 370

bagel with strawberry jelly: 290

total: 660 kcal

#tw #cw #ed #not pro just using tags #ana #proana #thinspo

[rosescentedbreeze]

2/20 ~ 9:31 pm

I talked to him today. It's officially over. I told him exactly how I feel, and how I've been feeling this whole time. He apologized like 10 times, but ultimately said he just didn't see us lasting in the long run. My heart is completely broken and I can't stop crying. But at least now I can actually start trying to move on from him.

I didn't mean to start talking about him so much on my blog, but to be fair, it really affects my appetite lol. But this is the last post I'll mention him in.

Hopefully I'll have a new, better man to talk about soon...

Anyway. I ending up eating probably around 1200 kcal yesterday before my friends left to go back to their hometown. I ate a nasty greasy sandwich today, which was before I spoke to him. But I have had absolutely no appetite since. Honestly I've just felt sick.

I'll have to take some medicine in order to sleep tonight. It usually knocks me out for 12+ hours, which sounds amazing rn. All I want to do is sleep and work, not even thinking about food.

Also, the current stats in my bio are definitely not accurate. I'm just too depressed to weigh myself rn. But I promise I will in the next couple of days.

In the meantime, if any of you know of some resources that help you with self-love, or just feeling good and grounded in general, my dms are open... :')

#tw #cw #ed #not pro just using tags #ana #proana #thinspo

[rosescentedbreeze]

food log ~ 2/20 (sunday)

ham sandwich: 540

total: 540 kcal

#tw #cw #ed #not pro just using tags #ana #proana #thinspo

[rosescentedbreeze]

2/19 ~ 10:31 am

He just avoided me. I didn't get to say a word to him, just a small smile at some point.

It is taking everything in me to not text him and tell him I miss him and beg to meet up with him, hoping he's regretting what he did. But I can't do that.

I came home last night and ompletely stuffed my face. I feel like absolute garbage now. I guess I'll use this sadness and frustration to starve.

#tw #cw #ed #not pro just using tags #ana #proana #thinspo

[rosescentedbreeze]

2/18 ~ 1:17 pm

I'm seeing him tonight. I'm so fucking nervous.

I've said it a million times, and I'll say it again. Cute boys are the best diet.

#tw #cw #ed #not pro just using tags #ana #proana #thinspo

[rosescentedbreeze]

2/18 ~ 12:06 am

Ugghhh. I overate today.

I didn't technically binge, I just ate periodically throughout the day. The weather was really bad, so I couldn't work, meaning I had a whole day off. Plus I was planning on increasing my calories anyway, so yep. Fuck me.

I probably had between 1200-1400 kcal... which isn't terrible... but idk if I can weigh myself tomorrow. I'll be so pissed if I'm back up to 108 or some shit. I don't think I will. And I'm not doing an official food log for the 17th bc I don't know the calories for a lot of what I ate.

I don't think I'm gonna eat normally tomorrow like I said I would. I think I'm gonna stay under 1000. I honestly would rather restrict more, but I have to be realistic.

Fuck :) My :) Life :)

#tw #cw #ed #not pro just using tags #ana #proana #thinspo

[rosescentedbreeze]

Tiny strawberry

[rosescentedbreeze]

2/17 ~ 9:23 am

I'm at 105.2. My goal of being under 103 on Friday is dead :)

Ughhh whatever. I guess I kind of hit a plateau. But the thing is, I've been planning on eating "normally" on Friday with my friends, like probably around 1000 kcal (definitely no more than 1200)

So today, I'm planning on eating around 800, just to prevent my body from gaining a shit ton tomorrow. Hopefully I can maintain my weight, and then Saturday I can go back to restricting.

#tw #cw #ed #not pro just using tags #ana #proana #thinspo

[rosescentedbreeze]

2/16 ~ 11:13 pm

Goooddd I wanna binge. I went out for a drink with one of my closest friends, which was really fun and I'm glad I did. But drinking always makes me want to eat, even if I'm just tipsy. But honestly, the urge has been calming down as I sober up, so that's good.

It sucks bc we went out after I worked, so I still had to eat a decent amount in the afternoon to be able to function properly. So my calorie total is a little higher than I wanted... but it could be a lot worse. I just really hope I can wake up to a good number tomorrow. Who knows.

#tw #cw #ed #not pro just using tags #ana #proana #thinspo