slightlylessthanaverageblog-blog

[slightlylessthanaverageblog-blog]

February 3rd, 2019

22:15

okay, so, i don’t know if any of y’all have seen that movie ‘the edge of seventeen’ but it’s basically about a girl whose best friend starts dating her older brother (whom she can’t get along with) and the rest of the movie is pretty much exactly what you’d expect from a dramatic high schooler movie. the two gal-pals have a falling out and are basically no longer friends yada yada yada

now you may think that this is absolutely ridiculous and fake but i recently discovered this movie on netflix, realizing it is literally about my life at the moment

my older brother and i go together like toothpaste and orange juice. we absolutely do not mash. not even a little bit. and now my best friend is, of course, dating that one person that i absolutely can’t stand, and what fun that has been

aside from her basically ditching me for hanging out with him 24/7 - and i mean literally 24/7, he will spend 4-5 days a week at her house day and night, and the second he comes home for a few days, guess who follows him there like a lost puppy. i get very few moments to actually talk to her and hang out with her, but my brother doesn’t exactly let the opportunity slide to ruin my good mood and pull some stunt to get her attention back to him

even when we hang out without him being anywhere near, he’ll still steal her attention away by constantly texting her. it’s fucking annoying

not to mention that when they started dating, she felt the need to sneak around and not talk to me about it. sneaking around never helped anybody, and to be completely honest, it hurt. she suddenly never had time to hang out anymore and then all of a sudden the secret came out and there was the reason why. and now, it’s like they’re trying to rub it in my face. there’s no simple middleground

and i’m so tired of it. i’m so fucking tired of it. because she doesn’t realize it, but my brother is very likely to genuinely be trying to be a nuisance to me. he always is. and not in the way siblings always ‘annoy’ each other, no. he takes it to a point where it leaves me questioning whether i even want to have anything to do with him anymore after he or i move out of the house

he’s pushing me toward the point where i dread the actual moment i get home from school. i physically feel sick to my stomach and every time i can’t help but hestitate because i know that as soon as i get home there he’ll be

and, no, it isn’t just me who thinks he’s purposely on my case constantly. it’s not just some self absorbed, messed up thinking or whatever you may think. everyone in my environment thinks the same thing. my parents think so. my close friends think so. the only one who doesn’t seem to think so is-.... well, you know exactly who

and i’m just tired. i’m exhausted. i’m sick of it. this is not the life i imagined for myself at this age. for fuck’s sake, i’m turning 18 in two weeks, i wanted this year to finally be good. i wanted a year that i could finally enjoy. a birthday i didn’t hate. a year i didn’t waste feeling like crap. but at this moment, that doesn’t seem like an option

i wanna end me

#tired #im so tired #i dont wanna be you anymore #i dont wanna be me #why #why am i like this #why am i posting this #sad