spiritwatch

[spiritwatch]

06/27/2022 - BF wants an open relationship?

I was on vacation with a group of (unknown) friends, and we were staying at this cottage/lodge connected to a large mall. I had an entire 1-bedroom loft all to myself (kitchen, living room, storage, etc. all included), and I was on a phone call with my boyfriend. 

The conversation leading up to the moment was blurry but he said, “I told ___ that we could have an open relationship.” 

An open relationship = a consensual, non-monogamous relationship in which one or both partners of can pursue a sexual, romantic, or emotional attachment to other people. Source.

I felt stunned. Then, after a moment of shock and feeling my entire body go cold and numb, I felt a surge in anger and frustration. 

“I’m sorry, what?” I bit out. 

“I told her that we can have an open relationship,” he repeated. And he didn’t mean between her and him. He meant him and me. 

“Why did you tell her that?” I asked, feeling my voice strain and grow louder. “Why did you think that was okay?” 

“I don’t know, I just thought you’d be okay with it,” he answered nonchalantly. 

“What makes you think I’d be okay with it?!” I was pacing around the room, trying not to get hysterical and maintain some sliver of sanity. “And when did this even happen? Do you mean to tell me that you fell in love with someone else?”

“I still love you,” he answered defensively. “But I want her to be involved in my life too.”

“But it’s only an open relationship if I consent to it!” I yelled. “I’m not okay with it, so how is this any different than you cheating on me?” 

My mind couldn’t handle the information and the questions that stormed my brain. For him to mention this to me meant their relationship had grown to the point where he was serious about her enough for him to risk his relationship with me. As a person who was in his head more often than not, that only meant this had taken root long before this conversation decided to happen. 

When he remained silent, I continued. “How is this any different than me going back to A to continue the relationship we had and then coming back to you saying ‘Hey, you’re okay with this because we’re in an open relationship, right’?!” 

I never got his answer.

---

Additional Thoughts: I had a bit of a spat with my boyfriend this past Saturday about our plans for the future. We’ve been in a long-distance relationship for more than 4 years now and we were always in agreement that he’d be moving over to the country I’m living in rather than the other way around. In our previous, more recent conversations, I had given him a deadline for starting a family (aka. my biological clock blahblahblah) and we had agreed on an age. 

This past Saturday, however, he brought up an option for him to switch careers by attending a program at a university nearby, but this would mean he wouldn’t be able to move over for another 6 years...which would be past the deadline I had previously given him. So while I told him that it would be a good opportunity, I had to give my honest opinion that it wouldn’t be my first choice as an option. He expected more enthusiasm (as he admitted in later conversations) and got really down after my reaction. The rest of the night just spiraled downhill from there as he grew more upset and I had to deal with my own thoughts and emotions. 

I must’ve carried these feelings of frustration and betrayal into my dream because although I don’t remember the conversation we had before he asked this question in my dream, I remember myself referring back to this spat in my mind while trying to process the information he dropped on me. It was as it I thought, “We hadn’t even finished dealing with that problem and now there’s this?!”. 

#dream journal

[spiritwatch]

03/04/2021 - Roller skating freedom

I was leaving an unfamiliar school wearing roller skates, heading to an unfamiliar plot of land. The sun was blazing above me, lighting the entire park-like scenery in white and yellow. Wide cement paths cut through the area, connecting the main streets that surrounded the greenery. 

Unconcerned with what the passerby might have thought of me, I claimed a portion of a path to move my body in whatever way I felt like. Perfectly balanced and with enough skill to not give a single care of the potential of falling, I glided, spun, and leaped around with absolute freedom. 

Afterward, a teenage boy approached me asking whether it’d be okay if he took a selfie with me. My consciousness was suddenly given knowledge of the fact that I was actually a web star who was known for being spotted all over the city doing my impromptu performances. Naturally, I agreed, but the person I saw in the reflection of the selfie looked nothing like me. Rather, it was the face of a middle-aged woman. I remember feeling only slightly shocked but recovered without a second thought. 

Additional Thoughts: As someone with background in figure skating, roller skating is something I always wanted to do - to experience that freedom I have on the ice on land. According to dreammoods.com: 

“To dream that you are on roller skates implies that you are progressing toward your goals at a steady and leisurely pace.”

This is amazingly accurate because I’ve recently been accepted into a grad school I wanted to get into. It was always something I was anxious about due to my non-competitive grades and test score, so I was beyond relieved that I was accepted to at least one of the schools I applied to. 

As for why I dreamed about myself being older...:

“To dream that you are older than you really are signifies wisdom. Perhaps you need to be more sensible. Negatively, it may mean your unyielding ways and rigid thinking.”

Since dreams come from your subconsciousness, I’ll take this with a grain of salt, but of course, it wouldn’t hurt to see if I can be more aware of it.

#dream #dream journal

[spiritwatch]

05/09/2020 - Being asked out...twice

The dream itself was a lot longer than what I remember but these are the only things I remember vividly enough to write.

I was either working or volunteering at a lodge or dormitory, filled with guests and other employees hustling and bustling around me as I was having my own adventures. I remember looking out the windows, I was surrounded by mountains and greenery, a large parking lot situated to a plot of land to the side of the building and away from the grand, architecture of the front.

There were two people who were really prominent in my dream:

The first was called Eugene. I believe he was either the manager or the owner but either way, I always felt a sort of admiration and intimidation whenever the me in the dream thought about him. The others, whenever I interacted with them, wasn’t able to do much about him either, making comments about having to listen to him, and “What does Eugene think about this?”

The other man was called Phillip and he had a remarkably similar appearance to Luke Evans. While Eugene was slim and toned, sporting glasses every now and then alongside his properly-ironed dress shirt and combed hair, Phillip was broad and casual. His hair was tossed over and his uniform was never buttoned up properly. Whenever he smiled, his eyes literally had a glint of mischievous.

It was just after another day of work and Eugene called me over to him one night after closing and cleaning everything, supposedly asking me out and me agreeing. The next few days, I noticed Phillip trying to pry information out of me and being blissfully unaware what everyone else seemed to already have noticed.

While the three of us were loading and unloading inventory from a delivery truck, Phillip leaned over, propping an arm on the wall while he tried to get me to stop and talk to him. Still holding a box in my hand, I looked up at him in confusion.

“So why not give me a try?” He asked, smiling beautifully.

I remembering replying something, my lips moving, but I didn’t hear a single sound come out.

He laughed, a little sadly. “Don’t tell me, did Eugene already succeed?” He glanced over his shoulder, hoping the man in question wasn’t within earshot. “He and I had a bet but it looks like I was too late.” He gave me a smile and patted my head. “Man, that’s just too bad. My loss.”

Additional Thoughts: Last night, I ended the night talking with my boyfriend and after reading a particularly heartfelt chapter in a manga I’m following. I’m assuming all these cheesy interactions stem from the feelings I felt after all the love and excitement. I have to say though, it was nice to feel so wanted by two equally attractive men (heh).

#dream #dream journal

[spiritwatch]

05/07/2020 - Trapped on a cursed island with robots, aliens, and ghosts

[PART I/III]

It started with a group of us being shipped over to live on a haven-like island. We only knew half of what we were getting ourselves into but agreed anyway. I’m assuming it was because we really didn’t have any other choice.

The town we arrived in was quaint and a beautiful mix of traditional European architecture and modern designs. The roads were a mixture of cobblestone and gravel and small, round islands of parks and greenery spotted around the land. We were brought to a waiting area by the water where we were told to wait until someone came to assign us our houses. So we obediently waited on those wooden benches by the lake until night fell and the lampposts around us automatically illuminated at their designated times.

My eyes began to wander and I was the first to notice the strange lights and shapes in the clouds.

“Look there!” I whispered to the others. “Does anyone else see those?”

The shapes began to clarify within the clouds as massive UFO’s with their windows and light beams faintly glowing as to not attract too much attention. It was almost comical to me that they were exactly as the media stereotypically portrayed them. They whirled around the area, seemingly surveying, momentarily stopping every now and then to beam something upwards towards them. Instead of shock and terror, we all stared in awe and wonder, as if something we knew for years had just been confirmed.

Then a noise drew our attention back into the village.

Large, egg-shaped robots as large as a car were wheeling around, their four legs extending their bodies up and down as necessary to attend to the houses and buildings. Some were repainting the roofs; others were unscrewing the windows to a veranda to rearrange it.

“So that’s how they do it,” a girl whispered a few seats away from me. 

We were all aware that while living in his haven-like neighbourhood, we had a very strict curfew that must never be broken. We were free to do whatever we wanted within our homes afterwards, but it was absolutely mandatory that not a living soul was out on the streets past the assigned times. Seeing these robots, with their menacingly large sizes and hands transformable into several different tools, we were the first to visually confirm why.

But now what about us?

The realization that we were - although unintentionally - breaking curfew washed over us. Were we safe? What would happen if we got caught? It technically wasn’t even our fault.

Then the new realization that maybe we were purposefully being left out hit us like a rock.

Sensing that everyone was getting restless, I took over, apparently more than confident I knew what I was doing. Gesturing to another boy, I called out to him. “___, shine that flashlight you have onto ____’s glasses so we can lead them further away from us.” At least we’ll feel safer if they weren’t in our vicinity.

They did as they were told and the flight flashed brightly into the trees further down the waterfront, attracting the attention of the robot just at the top of the stairs from us and the other ones around that area too. When they manoeuvred away, the whole group breathed out a sigh of relief.

[PART II/III]

It had been a few days since our arrival and the same people were called back to that meeting point by the water again. This time, several people were looking wide-eyed and dazed despite all the others outside of our group appearing fine. The only people that weren’t losing (or haven’t already lost) their minds were me, a little girl who took a liking to me called Olivia, and a few other young adults, including two of my childhood friends, Thomas and David.

After a few moments of sitting, a group of townspeople wearing ceremonial robes surrounded us with smiles on their faces, singing a haunting song about sacrifices and life beyond the grave being a wondrous place. They handed each person a thick canvas book, bound together by string and leather. The inside pages were empty except for the first one which held a table of contents. There were four listed:

1. Entering the home. 2. Witnessing the beauty of Heaven. 3. Accepting the song and curse of ____. 4. The End.

Several cold realizations hit me upon reading these and I looked to my friends in fright. The song the group had been previously singing was the one titled in the book. Does that mean we’re already nearing “The End”? What does “The End” even mean? Either way, I knew it couldn’t be good for a whole chapter to be titled “The End”.

“Maybe it was just a typo,” Thomas suggested, shrugging. He wrapped his arms around me. “Don’t worry about it, babe, I’m sure it’s nothing. Maybe it just means the end of our initiation.”

“I don’t know about that,” David said lowly. “Haven’t you realized how strangely everyone else is behaving?” He rubbed at his arms, his dark skin forming goosebumps despite the warm weather. “Something’s been weird about how they’ve been treating us since the day we got here.”

Olivia tugged at my skirt. “Do you think they put a curse on us?” She asked fearfully, edging closer to me.

“I really hope not,” I mumbled.

Thomas, being the usual, carefree boy that he was, lifted Olivia off the ground and over his shoulder. “Nah, don’t worry about it,” he chuckled while spinning Olivia around to her glee. “Let’s just enjoy the new life we have here! Firstly by,” he grabbed me around the waist, picking me up. “Enjoying the water!”

“W-wait, Thomas,” I laughed, a hint of panic in my voice as I realized his intentions. “D-Don’t you dare!”

Laughing his loudest, he jumped into the water with the two of us in his arms.

For a few minutes, it did feel like nothing was wrong. Maybe I was just imagining things or thinking too much. Little did I know that this was the last time we would ever see each other alive again.

Something stirring in the water caught our attention and I called for David to quickly take Olivia out of the water.

“What’s wrong?” Thomas asked.

I pointed at the shape forming in the water, just peaking its head above the surface. It was...a horse made of water? Whether it was harmless or not, I knew it wasn’t happy with us disturbing its peace in the water and wanted us out immediately. Sensing it rearing up for a charge, I yelled for Thomas to swim away.

“Swim!” Being too far from the ladder back up to the walkway, we swam as fast as we could away from the creature to find any way out of the water, eventually coming to a bridge and small platform hidden away from the water where we easily climbed onto and away from sight.

Strangely, we weren’t alone.

There was a pink Pegasus lying there, gravely injured with a huge gash on its side and blood pooling around it.

But I recognized her, happiness upon the recognition bubbling inside me. As she lifted her head weakly to see who it was that had joined her, I slowly approached her and gently placed my hands on her uninjured back. “Oh my god, it’s you,” I whispered in shock. “What are you doing here? What happened?” Looking up to meet her eyes, she stared at me, unwavering. Afraid that she wasn’t recognizing me, I raised my palm closer to her head for her to smell my scent. Maybe she would recognize me then?

To my joy she nuzzled her face into my palm. ‘Of course I remember you,’ I heard a voice echo in my head.

“Oh! Is this the Pegasus you told me about from before?” Thomas asked, making the connection. Apparently, I had told him about my previous encounter with the magical creature before arriving to the island.

Nodding my head, I searched around for a sharp object. “Man, why is it that whenever I need a knife, I can never find one? She needs my blood to heal faster.” But as I was about to send Thomas off to find one, the Pegasus motioned me over.

‘Here, I’ll do it,’ she offered, and I brought my arms closer to her. She gently bit at my skin, tearing a pinpoint wound on my arm so she could gently lap at the blood trickling out. Almost instantly, I could see the gash healing itself back up and the colour returning to her coat.

She thanked me warmly, warning me that something evil was watching over me and my friends and that if I wasn’t careful, I would lose everything.

[PART III/III]

I was in one of the large churches’ washrooms, the florescent lights above us flickering as I watched a snake strike a cat to death. I held Olivia close to me, holding her face to my stomach to prevent her from seeing. But instead of consuming it, it turned to me, hissed, and slithered away.

Then a gruesome scene flashed in and out in time with the flickering lights, showing me a large pool of blood on the floor and haunting words scrawled on the mirrors warning me of death. Trying to remain calm as not to scare Olivia, I calmly told her that we should give the cat a proper burial.

Wrapping up the body in my jacket, Olivia and walked down the hall towards the cemetery located in a giant courtyard within the church. But the sight of the courtyard terrified me and it wasn’t at all like I remembered it to be.

Instead of neatly mowed grass and organized gravestones, the ground had all been upturned and piled up unevenly, as if there were too many bodies to bury that they were overflowing. The gravestones were all askew and dirt-ridden, many more unmarked crosses overpopulating the area than those with names. The surrounding trees were decaying and brittle, the roots intertwining with the weeds and vines strewn all over.

“Do you want to help me find a open spot to bury the cat?” I asked Olivia, trying to hide the horror in my voice. Completely innocent and unaware of the scenery and what it means, she nodded excitedly, rushing off to find one. I called after her, suddenly afraid. “Wait, don’t run! You’ll fall!”

And fall she did.

I watched her foot get stuck in a particularly soft spot in the mud and her leg sank downwards. Unbalanced, she toppled over onto her back and I gasped in horror as a sharp twig stuck itself straight through her chest.

As if the pain hadn’t registered yet, Olivia blinked in shock, turning to me with a confused look on her face. “Uh...I think I’m hurt,” she coughed tearfully. I rushed over, abandoning the cat’s corpse to the side. Pulling her out, I took off my sweater to make a makeshift support around the object like I remembered in First Aid to keep it from moving. Cradling her in my arms, I screamed out into the empty hallways for help as Olivia fainted.

After some desperate attempts, David rushed down the hall with the girl who had used her glasses from the beginning of it all. “I figured it’s be helpful if I brought David. It looks like snakes don’t like to be around him.”

“Yeah, they seem to just run away from me whenever I walk towards them,” David affirmed, shrugging his shoulders.

“I figured he could protect you as you two find help for the girl.”

The last thing I remember afterwards is sitting in the hospital with a paling Olivia in my arms.

Additional Thoughts:

Oh my god this dream was so loaded that I’m surprised I remembered it all (although I did rush to record this the moment I woke up). Let’s go in order:

I’m not quite sure where the thought of aliens and UFOs came from but apparently they represent unfamiliarity and isolation in dealing with situations. Maybe the whole idea of being shipped to live on a dystopian island is about my feeling really alone these days when dealing with my stress and the insecurities I feel about myself.

The people that appeared in my dream don’t represent anyone in my life, so I’m not sure where they came from either. My suspicion is that they’re physical formations of what I want in my life: a young child that looks up to me and depends on me, a brother-like figure that I can depend on, and a love interest that deeply cares for me and my well-being.

The book I saw could mean my search for knowledge considering the only thing I’ve been doing these days is study for this test. And judging by the chapters in the book, I’m assuming its foretelling has to do with how this test is part of my future and it’s yet to be seen how it’s going to contribute.

I know the horse-shaped water is from what I’ve seen from Frozen 2 (lol) but the Pegasus is definitely new. What was interesting is that my dream me already met with this creature prior to this encounter. I know sometimes my separate dreams bleed into each other with the plot but I can’t remember ever dreaming about a Pegasus before...unless I have and just forgot. Either way, Pegasus apparently represents agility and swiftness, while a “talking horse” is supposed to represent a form of higher knowledge that is trying to convey some sort of message to me from my subconsciousness. Since the colour is supposed to represent something, I wonder if the fact that it was pink and required my blood to heal means something. Maybe it’s a part of me that I need to take care of more?

As for the darker half of my dream involving the snake and the cat’s death, the snake is supposed to mean a sense of fear and worry (which makes sense) and the symbol of a cat dying could represent a loss of individuality and lack of independence. With this combined together, I suppose this could, again, relay back to my test and my worries about it controlling my life and how I’m not able to do the things I want when it’s in my life. The blood everyone and my cries for help for Olivia are also symbols that apparently represent my emotional cry for help as I struggle. Watching her being impaled straight through the chest could mean a burst of emotion as well.

#dream #dream journal

[spiritwatch]

04/21/2020 - Being late for my first day back to work

The quarantine had eventually been lifted and we were allowed to return to our normal lives. 

After my workplace confirmed a few days prior when we were start up again, I was preparing to leave the house. Unfortunately, we had guests over and my mom was occupied with entertaining them, which meant my dad had to drive me there. 

For some reason though, he had completely forgotten where I worked and got horribly lost along the way, making me later and later with each wrong turn. Eventually he got sick of driving me around and dropped me off and a housing complex (which apparently had a lot of my childhood and high school friends and acquaintances?) and told me to ask one of them to drive me. 

By this point, I was only a few minutes away from my start time and was panicking that I was going to be late for the first day of work - which was not good for my reputation. 

I frantically emailing my manager and telling her that I was going to be late and then for some reason, became occupied with helping one of my friends pick an outfit for work. Avoiding some childhood friends, I preoccupied myself with making the perfect ponytail to look my best during these unexpected reunions. 

I never made it to work.

Additional Thoughts: It’s probably because I have a work meeting tonight that I dreamed of going back to work. Considering how I hate being late, I was so stressed in the dream and it frustrated me to no end that my dad had forgotten where I worked. It’s most likely the stress I’ve been feeling in real life that’s causing all these stressful dreams. 

As for my hair, I’ve been having a few dreams here and there (this one being the first that has some plot to it) where my hair had grown up to my waist. It’s never been that long before but I think I’ve been imagining what I’d look like if I did, sort of wishfully thinking of it. Apparently, dreaming of hair means that I’m processing large decisions and plans, which would make sense considering my studies and what I’m trying to achieve. But hey, not the worse dream that’s resulted from my stress.

#dream #dream journal

[spiritwatch]

04/14/2020 - Leaving the wedding rehearsal

So it wasn’t my wedding. 

My two friends and I got invited to a wedding of some high school classmates and it was being hosted in some small, cozy-looking town in another country (Iceland, Norway, Ireland, and Sweden come to mind). The only reason I could go to this wedding of some classmates who I don’t really know was because my parents were also going a wedding in another country at the same time, and to them, it was better for me to be taken care of (food-wise at least) and in some trustworthy company than to be home alone. 

The room we were staying at was part of a big cottage and we had a room on the second story containing two queen beds, a small washroom, and a backdoor that led right onto the next street over (?). The walls were wallpapered mint green with ivy patterns and the 

A few days before the wedding, there was going to be a rehearsal but I wasn’t emotionally feeling it after seeing all of my high school classmates with their partners. While my boyfriend wasn’t there for perfectly reasonable LDR reasons, the me in the dream was upset that everyone else had the privilege and were judging me because I didn’t.  

Telling my friends to go on without me, I called my mom to give her an update and she just scolded me for not participating when I have such good reasons to.

Afterwards, I just headed down to the pool they had and swam a few laps. I remember leaving the pool feeling disturbed because I saw a corpse and an octopus haunting the waters, trying to scare me. Although I was terrified out of my mind, I willed myself to pretend I couldn’t see them, swam a little more and eventually just left. 

I remember avoiding some of my old classmates and slipping back into my room, trying to think of ways I could leave, peering out the backdoor to see if anyone was on the street behind us so I can slip by unnoticed. 

Additional Thoughts: Since weddings are usually joyous occasions and I’m not the type to shy away from old classmates just because they won’t recognize me, I think this symbolizes the stress I’ve been having about my test and my wish to run away from it all. If anything, having old classmates not recognize me would be more advantageous for me since I wasn’t much to remember back then anyway and I would rather start anew to make new first impressions. 

Similarly, apparently an octopus means entanglement of sorts, and I suppose my feelings are complicated. I want to do well on this test but my fear contributes to my procrastination. Every day is a constant struggle to motivate myself. 

#dream #dream journal

[spiritwatch]

03/22/2020 - Escaping out the window

The first part of my dream was fairly uneventful. But the house that my family apparently lived in was more than just an average house. 

The inside had temple-like ceilings and the square-footage was at least several thousand. The architecture was very reminiscent of Japan’s feudal castles and temples - with light, wooden floors and raised platforms supported by wooden beams similar to how the traditional houses were supported up from the gravel - but a lot of the appliances were very modern - with marble countertops and sleek, black appliances. 

Apparently, we had just moved in and had a lot to unpack but I was already hosting my birthday party and wasn’t really able to help my parents sort out the house. In the end, for some reason, none of the people that I invited came and I distinctly remember how sad I was, but shrugged it off nonetheless because apparently, I had already had a small celebration a few days prior and thought it was reasonable that my friends wouldn’t want to come over and celebrate a second time. 

Then, somehow I was escaping out a five-story window with a man who was apparently a social worker and my savior of sorts. Our goal was to save my siblings who were locked in by my abusive mother and because she locked the door, the disparity of the situation had us climbing out the window from another apartment and circling the outside of the building to get to the bathroom window (which conveniently was the only window my so-called mother had forgotten to lock). 

Climbing into the window, the social worker turned to me, “You keep the mother distracted while I get the kids out the front door.”

Nodding, I opened the door and found my mother who, the moment she saw me, screeched and came chasing after me. Although my heart felt scared, I was expecting her reaction and ran back into the bathroom and secured the lock. 

“Open up, sweetie! You come back to me right now! I promise I won’t hurt you!” She fervently whispered from the other side of the door. 

I distracted her by conversing a little while trying to open the bathroom window again, climbing out carefully so I wouldn’t fall off the edge. 

Suddenly, there was another social worker who was shifting across the same level, carrying a child on his back. They had no other choice than to escape out the window since whoever the child was escaping from had completely blocked off the door and they had no other way to distract him. 

Unfortunately, the social worker slipped off the edge and went plummeting to the ground grown below. Crashing through some wooden boardwalks, they fell into some sewer waters and were unable to come back up. 

Additional Thoughts: The first half was totally fine (other than that feeling of sadness I felt when I realized my friends were ditching me). I was loving the new house we were living in and everything was so clear, I could draw it out if I could. 

The second part is a little strange, considering how my parents aren’t abusive in any way and I have no siblings, but maybe it stemmed from the fact that I always wondered what it’d be like if I had to escape from someone and had the front door blocked off. Would I be able to climb off the balcony? Would I die if I fall off the fifth floor? At least this dream finally gave me a taste of it although I’m not sure why it showed up last night...

According to some dream dictionaries on the web, apparently dreaming of you or someone falling off a building means you’re either learning or acknowledging your subconsciousness or alternatively, it’s symbolizing your fear of not being able to succeed in something. The later seems to make more sense to me since I have my test coming up in a month and considering how I’ve already done it several times without much improvement, I’m worried this time will be the same. 

#dream #dream journal

[spiritwatch]

03/06/2020 - The joy of an embrace

It started in a large cottage that I was sharing with several other people. That particular night, there was a huge snowstorm that prevented anyone from safely leaving the house. 

As each hour passed, the conditions grew worse and our house-arrest became more worrisome: the pipes froze, leaving us with no water; the electricity in the whole area stopped working and left us in blackout conditions; and for some reason, the storm was bad enough to block our reception as well. 

I remember feeling hopeful - like I was waiting for someone to come rescue me and feeling really certain that they will. Yet, I had to keep it a secret from the others who were also desperate to try and escape the area. The logic of the storm was that once you were out of the city, the storm wouldn’t be able to cover that area and you would be able to return home. So while everyone was tense and cold, I was gleeful that I knew I would be rescued. 

I remember going to the second floor and away from the others who were huddled in the living room by the fire. Entering the study, I saw two figures emerge from the forest bordering the backyard of the cottage. Feeling my heart fill with glee, I opened the study’s balcony doors and waved for their attention. The snow had built up so much that even a whisper was deafening and I was afraid that if I made any noise above one, the others would find out about my selfish escape. 

One of the men, who my dream-self recognized as my boyfriend, positioned himself under the balcony so that he could catch me when I jumped. I hadn’t even bothered to grab a coat or put on shoes, thinking that it’d just make me heavier. Catching me with ease, he wrapped his arms around me as I hung on to him around the front and we turned back into the forest with his friend, making our escape a success. 

I just stared at those open doors to the lightless house with a gleeful smile on my face. 

Additional Thoughts: I feel like this dream ties into the feelings I’ve been having about my relationship recently. Apparently, to dream about a snowstorm/blizzard can indicate cold and frigid emotions that a person may be feeling when awake; feeling a lack of love or exclusion by the people around you. Not that my boyfriend isn’t loving or supportive, but there’s an unexplainable feeling of loneliness and bitterness whenever he has moments dealing with his mental illness. 

Perhaps this is why the “boyfriend” in my dream is different. There seems to be a part of me that continues yearning for someone that can show me that I can depend on them no matter what; someone that will undoubtedly be there despite the odds and would be willing to go through difficulties just to make sure I’m safe. 

But maybe I’m just being too unrealistic and romantic aha.

#dream #dream journal

[spiritwatch]

02/21/2020 - A teal-coloured cafe

I was visiting my boyfriend again but this time, my parents came along with me. The living arrangements were set so that all of us would be staying over at his family’s house but, unlike reality, his house looked a lot different than it actually is. 

The first part involved my boyfriend and me visiting a really quaint cafe - one with teal walls, archways, and potted plants in every corner. I remember seeing grassy hedges surrounding the cafe through the windows, and the sunlight streaming in made the cafe feel cozier than it already was. 

I remember a waitress talking me up after my boyfriend had left for the washroom, telling me that he kept bragging about me to her before I got there and how envious she was of our relationship. I, of course, was quite touched that he did. 

Then my dream fast-forwarded ahead to when it was time for me to go but apparently, it was only my mother and me leaving. For some unknown reason, my dad was staying behind to live with them a while longer. 

I remember feeling really rushed leaving the house, a sense of hurry in my heart as I got into the car. I was also feeling really distraught that I didn’t have a chance to say a proper goodbye to my boyfriend and his family because apparently, they weren’t at the house.  I remember my dad telling me that I had forgotten my phone charger and that he had “accidentally locked it into the wall because he tried to unsuccessfully pull it out too many times”. Feeling confused and impatient with his wishy-washy explanations, I went back into the house and pulled out the plug with ease. 

Additional Thoughts: My boyfriend is graduating this spring and I’m definitely flying in to celebrate with him, so I’m not surprised this dream involved my seeing him and doing things with him. 

The cafe was really cute though - I wonder if one like that exists...

As for the part where I dreamt about my bickering with my dad...it’s a little odd since I rarely dream of him. I hope this is a good omen of sorts. 

#dream #dream journal

[spiritwatch]

12/13/2017 - Caught in a monster-filled maze

Travelling with a group of around 20 people, it wasn’t long before more than half of them were viciously eaten before my eyes. 

Once we reached the end of the section of the maze, I opened the door to reveal a parking garage. Outside, we could see the blinding light of day and feel the cold, white wind of winter on our face - a huge difference compared to the windowless hell we had just escaped from before. 

In everyone’s hearts and as well as mine, a sense of relief washed over us. The peaceful scenery and quiet air were so welcomed by our tired minds and aching bodies. 

But the hell wasn’t over.

When we realized the parking garage had no lower exit despite us being several floors up already, we decided it would be our best chance to head upwards to find a possible exit. 

On the wide stairs, we all started to head upwards, myself at the rear to take care of any stragglers and to keep watch for any danger. Climbing upwards, we all were panting and exhausted but we refused to let our legs stop. Ironically, this was our breather - our resting period to relax our tensed bodies that were still on high-alert. 

I somehow managed to pass a few people and was now walking in pace in the middle of the group. It wasn’t long before I heard scuffling, sniffling, and growls coming from lower down. The shouts of panic that came a few seconds afterward confirmed my worst fears. 

“Run!” I shouted up towards the leaders. 

Everyone began to make a mad dash towards what seemed like a never-ending spiral of stairs. 

The screams grew louder and the growling turned to snarls of saliva and teeth. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw huge white masses of fur and limbs come bounding up on the stairs towards us, digging its giant claws into the walls and railings to get a bite into us first over the other monsters of their kind. The sounds they made were similar to monkey screeches and their eyes were bulging red. Although their bodies were as large as mini-vans, their arms and legs were lean as greyhounds, elastic-like as they stretched out to grab us with their claws on all fours. 

As I raced up the flight of stairs, I fell forwards right before I reached the landing. A comrade had grabbed onto my foot as a last attempt to escape the jaws of those horrifying monsters.

“---!” I called out his name, turning to grab his desperate hands. 

“Save me!” He screamed, panicked eyes staring straight into mine. “Help me!”

“Don’t let go!” I dug my fingers into his arm and shoulder, trying to pull him away from the snaps of teeth and tongue behind him. But I was losing grip. How could I compete with a monster’s strength? 

With a final tug, the man flew out of my grasp, his screams fading as the monster dragged him back down a few flights of stairs, sparing us the sight of his flesh being torn apart. 

As I sat there in shock, my mind was somehow still able to realize that while a few others above me on the landing were being taken, I was untouched. Plus, those being taken looked like they were being targeted as they were snatched away while standing in close proximity to the others. 

So why them and not me? Why them and not those right beside them? 

I looked to the floor and suddenly realized that there were irregular spots of solid snow on the ground - circular mounds about the size of an egg scattered around. A few on the lower lands had been crushed. 

“Don’t step on the snow!” I shouted. And everyone froze. “They go after whoever steps on the snow patches! Watch your step!” 

When all the monsters had taken their prey and the way was clear, we all slowly began to move upwards again, avoiding any patches we see. Finally, we make it to the top floor. Swinging open the door, we’re faced with a winter wonderland - the entire floor was covered in a soft blanket of snow. 

Breathing a collective sigh of relief, everyone quickly shuffled their way outside. Some collapsed in tears while others just appeared grim. 

“Goddamnit,” I heard someone curse. “The snow? They all died because they stepped in snow?” 

I breathed out a grunt of frustration. “I know, right? We’re in goddamn Canada. There’s snow everywhere!” 

Additional Thoughts: This seems really similar to Maze Runner and The Hunger Games (which I re-watched not too long ago) so I’m wondering if this came from those movies. I don’t remember feeling terrified so much as tense because of all the running I had to do in this dream but I did wake up exhausted and tense. 

As vivid and exciting as it was, I hope never to see those snow monsters again.  

#dream #dream journal #dream journal entry #monsters

[spiritwatch]

08/10/2017 - A man in green

There were two segments to this dream.

The first one was short and simple. Weird. But short and simple. 

I was riding on a small roller coaster seat for one on a ride that would give you basketballs every now and then so you could try to get some through the hoops scattered along the trail. The harder the shot, the more points you’d get. 

The second part of the dream was also short. But it was sure bittersweet.

I had just been saved by a man, and although I don’t remember his face, I remember his pants were green...

I don’t remember why but he was accompanying me back to a home of mine...but for some reason, no one could see me. After seeing my old house and my parents, I came to the realization that I had died. I burst into tears right after. 

Sinking down to the floor, I remember trying to control my sobs. But it wasn’t until the man knelt down in front of me and cupped my cheeks in his hands did I finally stop hiccupping. Although I don’t remember his face, I just remember looking up at him while he drew me into his shoulder, giving me a shy, tender hug without saying a thing. 

Additional Thoughts:  I had just been watching segments of The Goblin on YouTube so I believe that’s why I had such bittersweet dreams. The movements from the green man in my dreams mirrored those of the Goblin in the drama. Because of my bouts of loneliness, I was probably wishing deep down to find a love like the Goblin, hence why it manifested in my dreams. 

#dream #dream journal #dream journal entry

[spiritwatch]

07/17/2017 - Bear head?

For some reason, I and a few friends were stuck in an institution of sorts (looked like a university or college building) and had to go through a bunch of weird doors and obstacles in order to escape. Meanwhile, we couldn’t be caught by whoever was chasing us either. 

One of the obstacles was climbing out of the waste disposal, which was basically a huge pit of mixed recyclables and paper. The door we came in through was a one-way door, so the only way out was through the exit door. . . and for some reason, the exit door had a bear head poking out of a hole. I assume it was because it was in charge of chewing down the waste? 

Either way, the exit was a garage-like door above a raised cement block, so in order to escape, we needed to avoid the bear head biting us as we climbed up the cement block. While everyone else was scared out of their wits to climb, I calmly approached the bear and climbed up successfully. 

Strangely, as I climbed through the door and continued past the door, it led to the change room segment of the university. So as I crawled by one of the doors, there was a guy changing inside. Turning back to warn my friends, I remember forcing myself to stay quiet. 

Unfortunately, I could hear footsteps approaching the door at the end of the hall - the very door we needed to get through. My head desperately searched for a way to hide or get past this dead end. 

#dream #dream journal #dream journal entry

[spiritwatch]

05/19/2017 - Almost getting crushed by a glacier

Not sure where it began, but the first thing I remember is entering a mall that had an indoor water park. It included a hot tub, several water slides, and a huge pool. After coming out of the hot tub, I showered in the change room, got changed, and headed out with my mom to tour around the area. We were on vacation after all so we were set on exploring the nature around us.

Someone, we ended up in a natural park of sorts and were walking right beside a half-frozen river. The top park of the small stream of waterfalls were frozen and were forming a glacier of sorts, blue and white in its colour. The unfrozen part of the river ran off a much larger waterfall. And then, for some odd reason, we thought it’d be a completely normal idea to take a dip in the river.

My mom managed to take a quick dip and quickly climb back out, but I got too confident and swam further away from the edge. Unfortunately, that was when the glacier started the melt, increasing the current and speed of the water. I started to panic, swimming back to land as fast as I could before the main, giant mass of the glacier crushed me or sent me over the edge of the waterfall. After a few treacherous minutes, I managed to swim back to land before I got crushed. Needless to say, I was terrified. The dream skips and I was in my hotel room. This time, however, my mom wasn’t there. Instead, the knowledge that I was on this trip with some of my classmates/friends developed. And yet, this was still the same trip. I knew because I wanted to go back into the hot tub again before we left for our last day. But after the pool, we were told by whoever the leader of the trip was that we had to pack things up and get moving. We were all assigned showers (one of those large rooms with several shower heads open to use without any dividers) and for some reason they were a mix between boys and girls. And yet, because we had to shower (it was extremely mandatory for some reason), we had no choice but to push aside embarrassment and shower in front of each other. I’m not clear who was there, but I knew the boys there. I believe one of them was my fwb... The dream ended with me leaving the mall, complaining to myself and whoever could hear, “I didn’t even get to use the hot tub today...”

Additional Thoughts: I just came back from my vacation to Alberta where I went with my mom. And because it was filled with mountains and snow and lakes and glaciers, it’s probably the reason why I dreamed of a national park-ish setting. Maybe I’m missing the beauty of it. As for the indoor water park, my mom and I had visited West Edmonton Mall - the largest mall in the world - and it not only had a water park and wave pool, but two mini golf courses, an amusement park, and an ice rink. Since we weren’t able to go into the water park, I’m not surprised that the dream me was able to do the things I wasn’t. At least all the hotels we went to had hot tubs! As for the shower incident...well, research does say that being naked in your dream means feeling vulnerable and left-in-the-open. I haven’t had any emotional talks with anyone nor any deep conversations, but maybe it was because I’ve been thinking about my body a lot and my insecurities...

#dream #dream journal #dream journal entry

[spiritwatch]

03/18/2017 - Lamborghini Nonesense

So in this dream, my parents and I were planning to go out somewhere for dinner. Once we got down to the garage, my mom tells me, “Oh, you’re driving your own car today. Is that okay?”

“Sure,” I say.

“Which car do you want to drive then? I’ll get the keys.”

I look around and examine the 4-5 cars parked all together in the huge garage we had and eyed the bright-orange vehicle of people’s dreams. “I’ll drive the Lamborghini.”

“Alright, go for it.”

I remember how powerful the engine was as I drove the car towards our destination. 

But once we got to the plaza where we were planning to have dinner, I realized how sketchy the place actually looked and began to worry. Considering how I drove a goddamn orange Lamborghini, it wasn’t exactly the most modest car there.

I locked the car and walked up to catch up with my parents. “I’m a little worried now,” I admitted to my mom. “What if someone tries to steal it?”

“It should be okay,” she said. “You have the keys and they’re hard to break into.”

I shook my head. “Nah, I have a feeling something’s going to happen.”

Fast-forward, I’m coming out of the restaurant when I see a corner of my car propped up and a wheel missing. Someone had gone through the trouble of taking a single wheel of my Lamborghini.

“I knew something was going to happen,” I laughed to my mom.

“Well you were the one who chose to drive it today.”

“What am I supposed to do now?”

“We’ll see if we can drive you back. Just leave it here and someone will pick it up.”

“But don’t all cars have a spare tire in the trunk?”

“Yeah.”

“So why don’t I just put that tire here? I mean, it’s still propped up from whoever stole the wheel so why not use that to our advantage?”

My mom waved me off. “Forget it, that’s too much work. Just leave it here, it’s fine.”

And so I went home leaving my beautiful, orange Lamborghini behind. . .

Additional Thoughts: First thing’s first. My family is way too poor to afford 4-5 cars let alone a Lamborghini. So this dream is a knee-slapping comedy. 

But because it was so clear, I searched up the Lamborghini website and I fucking found the exact car I saw in my dreams. 

This was the car I saw in my dreams. The exact car. And considering I’ve never seen this model before in my life, I’m shocked this existed. 

I feel like I had this dream because the night before, my mom and I were talking about money and how it’s becoming so deeply rooted in Chinese culture and its new generations. I could go on a whole rant about this topic but I’ll just put that aside for now. 

At least my parents and I got a good laugh out of this dream. 

#dream #dream journal #dream journal entry #lamborghini

[spiritwatch]

01/31/2017 - Failed confession with FWB

(My FWB will be named A for dialogue purposes.)

I was older. Probably in my mid-twenties. How could I tell? I was taller. He was taller. And we were apparently living together to attend the same university (?) together. 

This university - or at least our house - was situated near a cliff, surrounded by forests filled with tall, rainforest-like trees and fog. We were walking back from school, me in the lead and him following behind by a few feet. The atmosphere was silent and awkward and my dream-gut feeling was telling me that something had happened prior to this moment that caused me to feel tense and downhearted. 

In reality, the two of us are FWB. But in this dream, I had very strong feelings for him. Whatever happened before this moment clearly had me feeling down to the point where I felt the need to confess.

“You know, A . . . I have a crush on you.”

“What?”

“I actually like you more than a friend, you know?” And I said this already knowing it would be a lost cause. 

“. . . I see,” was his simple answer. And the tension remained.

We walked down a dirt path back towards our house. We were at the edge of a cliff but the depths were covered with fog and the canopy below. 

The dream flashes forward and we’re at home. I was lying on my stomach on the bed, going through my phone and A was lying there on the other end of the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Despite my failed confession, I wasn’t sad or anything. Probably because I already knew it would fail in the first place. So it really just me getting it out there to see if it would change anything. But since it didn’t, our original relationship as FWB continued. 

So as I flipped through my phone indifferently, he rolled towards me until his side met mine. As if nothing had happened, his hand began to slide up my legs and snuck in under my shorts. From the side of my eyes, I could see him eyeing me with a mischevious smile. 

I sighed, smiling slightly. I could feel my irritancy begin to fade as much as I didn’t want it to. “Okay, okay, fine.” I gave in, a giggle bubbling in my throat. 

I submitted. 

Additional Thoughts: I’m slowly getting closer to my FWB as a friend and as a partner so my thoughts always stray to him whenever I have nothing better to think about it. And as much as I know I’m getting slightly too attached to him, I know it’s only because I get a little possessive and worried that one day, our relationship will end. But I’m also aware that I wouldn’t want to date him because our personalities aren’t that compatible. 

Because of this conflict, I often think about what it’d be like if I developed romantic feelings for him. But my issue with myself is that as long as I’m comfortable with someone, I no longer have any limits with them. More often than not, I’m comfortable with doing romantic things such as kissing and cuddles with someone even if we’re not in a relationship; as in, not in a romantic sense. I could kiss my best friends, even, without romantic meaning behind it. 

So for me to dream of this scenario is nothing surprising. 

#dream #dreaming #relationships #dream journal #dream journal entry

[spiritwatch]

01/30/2017 - Unexpected double-date reunion

(My ex will be named R for dialogue purposes.)

In this dream, I was in a relationship with an unknown person. His face was never revealed in my dream but I vaguely remember him being taller than me by a head and having dark hair. 

It seemed that in this dream, we were off on a vacation together to a sea-side resort/water park of sorts. Outside, it was a rocky cliff with a beautiful, bright blue sea. It sparkled in the sunlight and its waves were large enough to swallow you whole if you stood too close. Inside in the resort, the indoor water park stretched on for so long, it was practically an indoor beach. Standing by the stairs at one end of the building, it was impossible to see the other side. The rides rose high up to the ceiling made of glass and gold and what seemed like thousands of people roamed around the place. It smelled of the sea and it was fairly quiet despite the number of bodies. The noise level seemed like a comfortable hum.

As I was walking down the stairs with my boyfriend leading, my first boyfriend, his girlfriend, and his little brother were walking up. I successfully passed my ex but for some reason, the girlfriend recognized me (*In reality, we’ve never met.) and so did the little brother. They reached over the railing and eagerly grasped my hands.

“You’re R’s first girlfriend, aren’t you?!” She blurted excitedly. The little brother, looking no older than six, smiled up at me expectedly. 

I felt extremely flustered, struggling to find the words to reply. That was when I looked up to see my ex staring at me a few steps up with a bewildered expression on his face. I mean, who wouldn’t considering how many years it’s been since we last saw each other? 

My answer was blurry, but I believe I said I was, introduced myself, and called over my boyfriend for more introductions. When I said I was here with my boyfriend, I distinctly remember looking away from my ex, not wanting to see what kind of face he’d make.

Additional Thoughts: I find this extremely strange since my ex’s current girlfriend has no idea of my existence. His brother, too, I’ve only seen when he was a baby. They would have no idea who I was let alone call out to me if we were ever to pass each other somewhere. And yet, this dream seemed to have altered reality. 

I don’t have much to say except that I wish I’d stop dreaming about my ex. I’d rather not have him invade my thoughts again, let alone my dreams. It would only bring up bitterness ad melancholy. 

#dream #dreaming #dream journal #dream journal entry

[spiritwatch]

12/20/2016 - Time travelling for what?

A long dream but a short entry because I can’t remember much of it now that I’m awake. 

All I remember is that I was able to travel through time at will, and I was doing it in this dream for the sake of reconciling two girls that had (in the present time)  fallen out of their friendship. I forgot the reason why it had happened, but once I heard it, I was determined to fix it. 

So I traveled back and basically took the thing that had caused them to fight in the first place. But unfortunately for me, this object (a wand or something I think it was?) belonged to another time traveler who chased after me for it back. 

I was supposed to give this object back to the girls in the present time as I returned but this person chasing me was persistent. The two of us ended up traveling through several dimensions, often disturbing those that were there. One of the places was in a bookstore where the two girls were studying in and happened to catch a glimpse of me as I ran through the place trying to get away from the person chasing me. I remember feeling anxious that they were going to remember my face because that would’ve messed up the future more than I probably already did. 

The last scene of the dream was me sliding down a staircase and leaping into another vortex. 

After-Thoughts: I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about time traveling before and what I’d do if it were ever possible. But this was the first time I dreamt about it. According to online research, it means I want to get away from my current situation to either a hopeful future or better past. Both would be correct but it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve felt like it, so I’m surprised I’ve only dreamt about it last night. 

As for the girls, today was the day I was meeting up with a friend I hadn’t seen for a good month or so. Although I knew we would reconnect easily, part of me was still anxious. I guess it’s because it’s an instinctual reaction for me since I get social anxiety. It was probably because I was thinking about our plans that I thought about these girls and their broken friendship: my fear.  

#dream #dream journal #dream journal entry