stars-inhereyes

[stars-inhereyes]

Dhruv Sharma / Hozier

#OP with all due respect and affection fuck you #i felt this in my gut #it huuuuuuuuuuuuuuurts #and the headcanon tags???!!! #i am gonna cry how dare you do this #look at my boys #look how beautiful they were #this takes me back to that chanbig post I made with I'm coming kid I'm on my way #I CAN'T DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME #anyway sorry for the tags OP I didn't mean swear at you #chanbig #kinnporsche the series

[stars-inhereyes]

Um, so they survived and there’s nothing anyone can say to convince me otherwise 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

@stars-inhereyes babe I expect to be weeping when you finally come up with something ChanBig again.

Here’s a little thing that has nothing to do with whatever my baby wants to write: 

The fanart is post siege, where Big wakes up and finds Chan in the bed beside him one day. He’s been in the hospital for a month for treatment, rehabilitation is a bitch but it’s also the well deserved rest his body needs from his high-impact gun drama life.

He gets told about how his best friend betrayed them all. He doesn’t take it too well.

He cries.

But Chan’s arms for the first time open. For the first time they hold onto the weeping man as he wails softly into the fabric of the elder’s hospital gown.

“I should have noticed. Should have seen the signs.”

“Maybe I could have changed his mind.”

Chan stays silent but his arms tighten around the body between them ever so slightly. 

#this bitch comes and punches me in the mouth #and expects me to be okay about it #ABSOLUTELY SOBBING HERE #kinnporsche the series #chanbig #fanart

[stars-inhereyes]

My lady, you must decide - MacauChay or Chanbig fic I didn't even fully develop yet. I do need to sleep at one point 😂

But yes, to everyone else ONE OF YOU GO WRITE SOME CHANBIG FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

sitting here. waiting for new chanbig smut to drop. when will it end

[stars-inhereyes]

The first chapter of your new Vegas story is INSANELY BEAUTIFUL and I needed to write it

OH MY GOD, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I was worrying if it was too much hurt but like comfort will come eventually 😂 I'm happy you enjoyed the utter heartbreak!

#dids what are you saying #fic stuff

[stars-inhereyes]

hello!! hope you’re well 🤍 sorry to bother but is it okay to ask what country you’re from? ignore this if you don’t want to answer, i was just curious. and again sorry for bothering you ☺️

Hiiii! I'm doing good, I hope you're doing great also! Please don't apologize, it's not a bother at all it's just that I wish there was an easier answer to your question!

So, I was born and raised (to a point) in Turkey but ethnically I'm half Balkan/half Persian. So I don't consider myself Turkish but most of my family is still there and I guess if I have to think of home, I would think the Mediterranean Coast in Turkey so yeah. I'm from Turkey??? Kind of???

#dids what are you saying

[stars-inhereyes]

“Arabic culture is unapologetically melancholic. It’s sort of a proud melancholy, with a straight back. It’s not, ‘Look at me, I’m in so much pain’; it’s more, like, ‘I’m in pain and I’m proud.’ I do think that sometimes that’s misunderstood here in the West.”

— Tamino, interviewed by Ed Potton, The Times UK, September 23, 2022 (x)

#god #its even just arabs the entire middle east is like that #though it may have originated in arabs #i got so tired of trying to explain this to europeans over the years #they just... dont get it #but here it is in five sentences my relationship with pain #we don't heal we don't try to heal we take the pain and merge it with our bones we make it a part of ourselves #no wonder we become proud of it then #tamino amir

[stars-inhereyes]

musings on hands

— ocean vuong, yves pires, berenice abbott, jean-baptiste carpeaux, auguste rodin, james croak, gian lorenzo bernini, david altmejd, roland faunte

#inherent eroticism of hands #web weaving

[stars-inhereyes]

This is a comment someone appended to a photo of two men apparently having sex in a very fancy room, but it’s also kind of an amazing two-line poem? “His Wife has filled his house with chintz” is a really elegant and beautiful counterbalancing of h, f, and s sounds, and “chintz” is a perfect word choice here—sonically pleasing and good at evoking nouveau riche tackiness. And then “to keep it real I fuck him on the floor” collapses that whole mood with short percussive sounds—but it’s still a perfect iambic pentameter line, robust and a lovely obscene contrast with the chintz in the first line. Well done, tumblr user jjbang8

#will i ever recover from this #probably not #there is no place in the house for this man save the floor #aaaaaaaaaa

[stars-inhereyes]

How much of fighting is the need to touch another man? - Andrew Mcmillian, protest of the physical

theedorksinlove gif requests ⤷ jjpope wresting 2x04 ✗ @skylessnights <3

#im back on my bullshit with these two #i apologize greatly #jjpope #obx

[stars-inhereyes]

—Sabrina Benaim, How to Unfold a Memory (insp.)

#god in heaven #dont do me like that #jjpope #obx

[stars-inhereyes]

#writing and the small ways it saves my life

[stars-inhereyes]

thinking about my siblings a lot lately

#this is my brother and I need a shovel to love him #the way this sends me #i think Im gonna call my brother #i think i will tell him #you are the biggest piece of shit person I have ever met and I love you so fucking much #i love you in a way I will never fully comprehend #my brother the sun #you are not of my blood but you are my blood #siblings #web weaving

[stars-inhereyes]

Yeah so this 180 Degree show. Why isn’t this whole site flipping out over it. Like….oh my god. It ticks pretty much every fucking box on my list.

✔️ daddy issues

✔️ age gap

✔️ complicated family feelings

✔️ hella cinematography

✔️ metaphors for days

✔️ forbidden love

✔️ chemistry between leads that has me climbing the walls and throwing dishes

✔️ remote countryside setting

✔️ queer story with a queer lens

ChanBig lovers this one could be for you I’m just saying

#you had me at daddy issues and then you said Chanbig #im gone #ill add it to the list #i also heard one of love in the air's mains is vegaspete's son #so that is also on the list #lord i will never be free will I #bl watchlist

[stars-inhereyes]

the feminine urge to mourn lost cultures and empires. for your heart to ache every time you remember how many languages no longer have speakers, how many ruins are abandoned, how many people lived happy lives before you. to feel melancholy and longing every time you study history - of this world or another, even fictional. to want to play a role in history, but in the same time fear dying, passing, being forgotten like those thousands before you.

#god #im learning persian history now because my cousins that grew up in iran were making fun of me for it #there was this moment in the podcast I was listening to #the guy said -the original anatolian languages are of course lost to history #i was gonna cry #i grew up in anatolia so i kept thinking #there were people that stood where i stood #and we will never know how their langauge sounded like #i grew up around their ruins #i touched the stones that built their homes #and i dont know their names #i dont know the stories they told their children #its all gone #i struggle with that

[stars-inhereyes]

so I was thinking about ep12 (as I am contractually obligated to do every 3-5 business days), and I keep coming back to this bit.

it's pretty obvious that pete really fucking wants what vegas is offering here. and I think he knows that he wants it. look at him!!! his head is tilted, his neck is exposed, he CLOSES HIS EYES AND STANDS STILL. he's ready for vegas to initiate something, but he refuses to do it himself.

and I think the reason why pete refuses to make the final move is because he's come up with a rule to follow during his captivity, and this rule is what keeps him sane. he's been captured, he's been tortured and knows that the torture isn't going to end any time soon. he's going to have to do things he doesn't want to do, he's going to have things done to him that he doesn't want - or worse, he is gonna want it. and so the only way he can keep any agency is by some small measure of control over his own behavior.

if I had to guess, here is the rule:

it's ok if vegas does something to me, and it's ok if I like it. I can't help what I like, and I can't control his actions. but under no condition am I allowed to ask for it. if I do, then instead of him taking from me, I gave it to him, and then he wins.

he knows it's coming. he felt vegas lick at his neck during that phone call with his grandmother, he felt vegas skim over his tattoo, pressing deliciously at a bruise along the way, getting dangerously close to his groin. vegas keeps him half-naked, probably watches him shower, definitely watches him sleep. vegas is going to try something, and pete's deepest darkest desires are going to betray him because he's gonna be aroused by it. he's gonna want it so badly. but we only kiss people we like. we only give ourselves to people who give themselves back to us. pete will not give himself to vegas. he can't. it's all he has left.

but then vegas bandages him tenderly, gives him medicine and water, kisses him (pete doesn't react, and maybe it's because he's dead tired, but maybe it's because he knew this was coming and purposefully kept himself so so still). he gives him normal food, lets him roam around the room. he gives him the key to escape. and of course this confuses the shit out of pete!!!!

I think if the above scene had happened before the bandaging, or even before the hedgehog funeral, vegas would have walked away and pete would have let him. but he doesn't just want it physically, now. he's caught up in this emotionally too

so as vegas stands there trailing his nose against pete's skin, breath mingling with pete's breath, pete is only holding back because he's got this rule that he has to follow. he needs to. (but does he? what if he just - gave in. he wants it. just give up now-)

no! no. he's not going to give vegas what he wants. but it's ok, because vegas will take it from him (please take it please please-)

and then vegas walks away. and in a haze of desire, a swoop of his stomach, is vegas really not going to- pete forgets himself. turns around, grabs him, and pulls him back. it's everything he's ever wanted - but not the way he wanted it. and with it, he breaks the most important rule he's set for himself.

("I didn't want it," he says later. I had one thing I was keeping for myself, and I gave it away. and for what.)

#galaxy brain moment from OP #i will scream #vegaspete #kinnporsche meta

[stars-inhereyes]

In Ep 6 of Mafia Kindergarten, Tong tied the Christmas ribbon around MileApo's heads like the traditional white thread in Thai weddings, and gave them wedding blessings. 😂

#shit man maybe I should have made tankhun tie the white thread at the wedding in Dark Moon Rising #welp cant change that now #kinnporsche the series #mileapo

[stars-inhereyes]

"i thirst for power and you feed on intrigue / succumb to your lust and greed and i will consume you."

VEGASPETE + RUMI.

#how fucking dare you bring rumi into this #im losing my goddamn mind #vegaspete #kinnporsche the series #web weaving