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sunghoooonnn · 2 months

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tides of regret | heeseung

summary: in the year since heeseung first rejected your love confession, you've tried everything to get over him. a trip to europe makes you realize you miss your former best friend more than anything, and it makes heesenug realize he's got it all wrong.

notes: aaand she's here! this is 24.4K words worth of my heart and soul. consider this a token of my appreciation for welcoming me on enhablr. i sincerely hope you enjoy it. <3

warnings: angst/internal self doubt, playful banter, dirty talking, praise, slight degradation, oral (m and f receiving), dry humping, fingering, mentions of exhibitionism and face sitting, nipple sucking, spit, brief moment of anal (tongue only), condom removal, unprotected sex, creampie.

For @enha-stars – may this story rip you apart and stitch you back together.

masterlist

Incheon feels lonely at three in the morning.

The overhead lights being turned off because of the lack of travelers at this hour makes the airport feel bigger than it actually is. It’s too quiet without the familiar sounds of luggage wheels on the linoleum or overhead speakers announcing flight changes every ten minutes. You don’t think you’ve ever been to an airport so early in your life.

It’s quiet enough to leave you alone with your bothersome thoughts. In the years you’ve been away from home as you studied abroad, you can’t help but feel a gravitational pull towards life in Seoul and the people in it. The familiarity of your home outweighs the adventure you once yearned for in your youth, and now you’re left with the exciting notion that, this time, you’ll know when you’ll be coming back.

The terminal has an abundance of seating. Your backpack rests on the seat beside you as Jay double checks the gate number while the rest of your friends find a spot on the seats next to you, attempting to find an ounce of comfort in the dimly lit area.

“I know leaving early saved us hundreds of dollars, but I need sleep,” Sunghoon says from beside you. His usually well kept hair falls in all sorts of places like he woke up without a second thought and hailed a taxi the minute he opened his eyes.

“You’ll thank me later,” Jay says. “We can sleep on the plane.”

“Our flight doesn’t leave for another two hours,” Jake whines from beside him as he yawns. “How am I supposed to sleep on these god forsakes chairs?”

“Quit whining and try,” Jay retorts. He looks behind him to see the rest of your friend group approach before glancing over to you. “Doing okay?”

“How come Y/N gets preferential treatment?” Jake beckons.

“Because she isn’t a nuisance like you,” Jay immediately fires back before diverting his attention towards you again.

“I’m alright,” you say, stifling a yawn behind your hand. “Just cold and sleepy.”

“Hopefully they turn off the damn AC,” Sunghoon says as he pulls his sweatshirt over his head. “I feel like my veins are being injected with ice.”

“It’ll warm up when more people come,” Jay reasons. “I wish there was a coffee stand that was open. I need a cup.”

“I could go for one,” you agree. “I’m trying to stay awake for the next couple of hours so I can sleep on the plane.”

The rest of your friend group appear behind Jay and you look down to check your phone for any notifications when Heeseung catches your eye. It takes you by surprise and you abruptly look back at your screen and busy yourself by aimlessly scrolling through social media as he attempts to occupy the empty seat beside you, but Jake beats him to it.

“I’m gonna freeze to death and then all of you are gonna have to deal with my frozen body.” Jake dramatically slouches down onto the seat until his head finds your shoulder, nuzzling his cheek as if trying to find comfort in you. “Jesus, Y/N, you’re so warm.”

You laugh. “I wore layers.”

“You’re gonna regret that when we get on the plane,” Jake mumbles.

Heeseung, from the corner of your eyes, opts to move to the seats in front of you. You try not to pay him any mind.

You snort. “Yeah, well I can take these layers off while you freeze until you become an icicle.” Jake hums when you let your head fall onto his.

“You know I’m not built for the cold. Australia’s my home.”

“And yet you moved to Korea,” Sunghoon provokes.

Jungwon and Riki are rummaging through the bag of snacks you’d brought for an early breakfast until the restaurants and coffee stands around you open up. Jake’s right, it’s far too cold to stop shivering, but you suppose you’re grateful that the discomfort distracts you from sleeping too early.

“I can’t believe we’re finally going on this trip,” Sunoo says from above you. With your head still on Jake’s, you turn to look at the boy speaking. “I’m really excited for you to show us where you’ve been for the past four years.”

A tiny smile graces your lips. “I’m excited to show you around London and Paris. The latter is a two hour train ride. My friends and I would go every few weekends or so to explore the city. Pictures and videos don’t do them justice.” You sigh as you reminisce. “I really did think that I’d end up living there when I graduated.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Missed home too much, I guess.” You shrug. “Though, I can’t believe Riki went through a growth spurt in the last two years that I was gone.”

“You went back to Okayama before Y/N came back for holiday break, right?” Jungwon asks, looking between the both of you.

“That’s right,” Riki says. “I was sad that I couldn’t see you before you went back to school.”

“Now he’s twice my height.” You gesture at the younger boy. He’s too shy with the sudden affection and chooses to bury his head in Jungwon’s shoulder. “You were so little.”

“Shut up,” he mumbles.

“I can’t believe you’re fluent in English now.” Jungwon pushes Riki off of his arm. “You, Jake, and Jay are kind of scary when you speak English.”

“It was a little hard at first. I used to watch a lot of American cinema so I could understand it better than I could speak it. But I can’t lie, it’s fun being able to talk to them in English.”

“You were so cute trying to string phrases together during your first summer back,” Jay coos. “Texting her in English was funny because she couldn’t understand the difference between spelling.”

“Poor Jake.” You pull your head from his and look down at him. “You probably had aneurysms looking at my grammar.”

You lift your head to see that the aforementioned has fallen asleep amongst the conversation with his mouth slightly ajar and soft snores echoing past your ear. You don’t move when Jay asks if you want Jake off of your shoulder, but you shake your head.

Conversation falls flat when the group unanimously decides that sleepiness is overtaking the need to socialize. Jay keeps checking his watch to look out for the time while your eyes try to look anywhere but at Heeseung.

It’s odd, the way two people can lose a friendship overnight. The heartbreak that came with romantic rejection wasn’t nearly as bad as realizing texts and phone calls were far fewer in between the moment you had arrived back in Europe to finish your studies. It hurt to know that neither one of you felt comfortable enough to see each other when you were back in your hometown unless the two of you were invited to hang out with mutual friends.

Still, seeing Heeseung after he had rejected your confession felt like a punch to the gut.

Long gone were the days of being able to send him unimportant updates about your life abroad or what you were doing at any given summer day back home. You couldn’t ask him to go to the restaurants you used to frequent near his house or yours. You certainly couldn’t call him at random hours because you were bored and missed his voice.

It wasn’t for the lack of trying. It felt like things might've gone back to normal after a short period of not talking, but your texts going unanswered and your calls going to voicemail was all you needed to know.

Perhaps it’s why you’re comfortable spearheading this vacation with Jay, who had made it a point to visit you in London when you’d chosen to stay behind instead of going home for the holiday break. The two of you had never spent time alone prior to then, but it touched you that he’d go out of his way to dedicate an entire day to visit you when he was there for a family vacation.

Coming back to Korea the summer after graduating felt like you were making the right choice, even if your head was telling you to find a home in Europe. Still fresh from your unresolved rejection, stepping off of the plane and knowing you wouldn’t be returning back to your university’s town made the uncomfortable reality of coming face-to-face with Heeseung sink in. You’d have to live with the consequences.

But it’s been eight months since you returned, six months since Jay’s dad was gracious enough to offer you a position on his marketing team, and five months since he encouraged your entire friend group to take a trip to your old stomping grounds.

The proposition felt too sudden, especially with how little experience you had working with his team, but you’d spend an evening with the Park family for him to consider you an honorary member. Though, you’re sure Jay might’ve told him something happened between you and Heeseung, especially after telling everyone you wouldn’t be coming home for the holidays.

To this day, you haven’t uttered a single word to your friends about what happened the night Heeseung rejected your love confession. If you know him as well as you think you do, you don’t think he's told anyone either.

“Cafes are opening up,” Jay notes. Sunghoon’s ears perk up. “Three of us should go get food and drinks while the rest save our seats.”

The airport overhead lights must’ve turned on while you were deep in thought. Jay’s right, the coffee stands have opened and it’s likely due to the new influx of travelers who’ve arrived at the airport. Foot traffic is still light and you know Jay wants to get ahead of the crowd.

Jake has woken up because of the growing murmur around him and lifts himself off of your head to wipe the sleep out of his eyes. He yawns once more but tries his best not to fall asleep again.

“How long was I out?”

“Twenty minutes, give or take,” Sunghoon answers.

“Sorry for sleeping on you,” Jake apologizes.

“It’s okay. You needed it.” He scrunches his face, not used to the new lighting. “Jay, I’ll come with you to get coffee. I need to stretch my legs.”

“I’ll help as well.” Heeseung speaks for the first time in a while and his voice nearly catches you off guard.

“Sure.” Jay gathers everybody’s orders before the two of you follow him around the terminal.

The line isn’t unbearably long, but with Heeseung towering behind you, it feels like you’ve been standing for hours. You shift from one foot to the other in order to find a happy medium to no avail. Jay orders for the group and you pay attention to him more than you care to when you realize Heeseung is now standing beside you to make room for more people to wait in line. He’s considerate like that and you hate it.

When the baristas are finished with your order, you reach for the bag of sandwiches in your haste to escape Heeseung. But your fingers touch the steam and you drop the bag into the counter with a hiss.

“Careful,” Heeseung says. “Don’t get hurt, please.”

Your clumsy nature was always something he teased you for. Heeseung sounds so sincere about his worry that you think you’d rather him pour all of the hot coffee on you instead.

“Thanks.” You grab the bag with so much as a single moment of eye contact before realizing Jay has started walking back.

Breakfast is eaten in silence. Everyone is too tired to speak, save for Jake whose twenty minute nap has rendered him a little more awake than the rest of you. You and Sunghoon share your egg sandwich and chocolate croissant respectively without a word spoken between the two of you.

Meanwhile, Heeseung is staring at the way your thighs are close to Sunghoon’s. He had shifted his body closer to yours in order to form a makeshift table so that sharing pastries wouldn’t result in crumbs on the floor. You can feel Heeseung's gaze on your kneecap and it makes your face flush.

Sunoo and Jake offer to throw everybody’s trash away when you’re all done eating. The airport is in full swing by now and everyone has said their graces and apologized to Jay for giving him a hard time with how early they arrived.

It seems that sleep has threatened to overtake you. You’re waiting in line to scan your plane ticket and board the aircraft, but the sudden warmth of the airport has caused you to yawn a few too many times. Riki’s standing in front of you and his height makes for a perfect makeshift wall to lean on. Or, that’s what your tired brain is telling you, because you slouch forward and let your cheek rest against his back as you close your eyes.

“Sleepy girl,” you hear him chuckle. You merely nod in acknowledgement.

Your comfort is short lived when he softly nudges you because the line has moved. Soon, you scan your ticket and give the airline agent a smile as thanks before waiting to set foot on the aircraft.

Sunghoon notices your dropped shoulders and wordlessly takes your backpack off of you.

“You don’t need to do that,” you say with a frown when you see Sunghoon carrying your belongings with him.

“Let me hold it,” says Sunghoon. “You look like you’re about to fall over with the extra weight.”

“If you insist.”

“Let us take care of you, yeah?” Jay interrupts, bumps his shoulder with yours. “You’ve been running all over Europe these past four years and we’ve only seen you a handful of times. You deserve to relax on this trip.”

“I can’t believe you guys are being so sweet on me. I know that’s ending the second we get back to Korea.”

The two boys laugh. “Well, it’s only fair, I guess. You’re like, the mom friend.”

“Jay is the mom friend.” The aforementioned doesn’t argue.

The squeeze of the aircraft is tight and you’re desperately trying to look for your seat. It seems that Sunghoon is sitting in your row, which excites you, but you’ve come to realize that you’ve obtained the ungodly middle seat. You make peace with it for a brief moment before Heeseung clears his throat awkwardly.

“Let’s switch seats,” he says from behind you. His ticket shows the window seat right next to yours. “I know you hate middle seats.”

“No, I couldn’t ask that of you.”

“You’re not asking.” He says it with a smile and it makes you cower into yourself. “You should move to your new seat so we don’t hold up the line.”

Heeseung suggests it in a way that is reminiscent of the days where he’d give up his sweet treats because you wanted a taste. It tugs at your heartstrings but you don’t have time to think about that when you notice how the plane is starting to fill up.

Reluctantly, you slide into the window seat while Heeseung and Sunghoon follow suit. Your seat belts are buckled and in no time, the aircraft takes flight.

For the next hour, Heeseung looks like he wants to say something to you. The headphones you've brought do well to cancel out the noise, for the most part. You can see from the corner of your eye that he glances at you from time to time, but you ignore it and choose to get comfortable for the long haul.

When you notice the flight attendants come with the beverage cart, you take it as a cue to get comfortable and try to get some sleep for the next few hours. Likely due to the lack of sleep from the night prior, you fall asleep as soon as your head rests against the plane.

You don’t hear Heeseung requesting an extra bottle of water for you.

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

When you come to, you’re barely able to register that it’s time to eat the first meal on the flight. You take your headphones off and put it in your backpack as you blink the sleep out of your eyes.

“Chicken or beef?”

Heeseung looks at you, expecting an answer.

“Hm?”

He laughs softly. “Chicken or beef?”

Your eyes dart between him and the flight attendants when you realize they’re about to approach.

“I heard them asking people which meal they want,” Heeseung explains. “So, chicken or beef?”

“Beef.” You clear your throat.

“Beef it is.”

Sunghoon requests chicken when the flight attendant arrives. Heeseung orders beef for the both of you before you get the chance. If he notices you looking at him strangely, he doesn’t comment on it.

The food comes quicker than expected and the meal tastes decent, though you’re trying your best not to elbow Heeseung as you cut away at your portion. He seems engrossed in the movie in front of him while you peek at what he’s watching—Iron Man, to no one’s shock.

You soften a bit at the nostalgia that comes with Heeseung and Marvel, namely the rainy days in your youth spent marathoning the superhero movies. There had been one year in high school when he’d dressed up as Tony Stark and you as Pepper Potts despite a few girls your age whispering behind your back at the matching costumes out of jealousy. You don’t think you can think of the franchise without thinking of Heeseung.

The memories almost bring a smile to your face. Heeseung seems to notice you glancing at his screen in between bites. You avoid eye contact when you realize he caught you staring and focus on cutting your meal, praying that Heeseung will stop looking at you and watch the movie instead.

But he takes one earbud out and holds it to you.

“Do you want to watch it with me?” He’s halfway through. You tell him such but he doesn’t care.

“I don’t want to jump in halfway through.”

“Come on, it’s not like you haven’t done that before.”

Heeseung says it with such nonchalance that it makes your stomach drop. He sees the way your eyes falter for a moment and the way you glance between his hand and the screen. You try to come up with excuses to refuse his offer, but you’ve got eight more hours until you land.

“Sure,” you settle. Heeseung gives you one headphone and resumes watching.

Between the meals being picked up and tray tables being put away, you manage to fall asleep in your seat. Sunoo sits in front of you and upon coming back from a quick bathroom trip, sees your head resting on Heeseung’s shoulder with his cheek propped on your head. The two of you are fast asleep despite the credits rolling and he can’t help but snap a quick photo.

You wake up some hours later when Sunghoon says your name. The cabin lights turning on temporarily blinds your vision as you wake up when you realize you’d managed to push yourself back enough to rest yourself against Heeseung’s arm.

“Oh God,” you say in shock, pulling yourself and the seat upright. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.”

“It’s okay,” he replies, like he means it. “Sleeping on planes is uncomfortable. But I know you know that.”

You nod. “Yeah. It's too hard to get comfortable.”

“I can’t believe we’re spending two weeks in Europe. I’ve never been outside of Korea and Japan before. You’ll have to help me with my English.”

“Jay or Jake can also help with that.” You say it with a yawn and Heeseung’s eyes cast to the floor for a brief moment. You barely notice, gathering your own belongings as the flight descends.

“Yeah, I guess they can.”

When you land, the familiar disorientation of the time difference truly wakes you up. It’s eleven in the morning when the plane door finally opens and Jay’s moving a step ahead of you as he occupies space in the aisle way to grab his belongings. You follow suit and wait for your turn to exit amongst your friends and other travel goers.

Stepping out of the plane and into the familiar terrain of the Heathrow Airport reignites your attentiveness and you smile at the fond memories of being greeted by your university friends upon arriving. The familiar atmosphere of English travelers milling around the gate warms your chest with nostalgia.

You wait for the boys to emerge before signaling Jay, who follows beside you as you walk towards the baggage claim area. You lead him with little trouble down the escalator as the rest of your friends follow suit, yawning in an attempt to wake themselves up.

“It’s weird seeing you in your element,” Jay comments as he stands beside you, periodically checking the turnstile for his luggage. “A good kind of weird.”

“This airport might as well be my second home,” you tell him. “It feels routine to wait for my luggage at this point.”

“I’m tempted to sleep when we get to the hotel but I don’t want to mess up my sleep schedule more than it already is.” Jay pulls his luggage.

“Yeah, that’s smart. I think we should take an hour to freshen up and find a place to eat before we go exploring.”

“I can already hear Jake whining about it.”

The two of you share a laugh. “He’ll just have to get used to it. We can have an early night and rest up before we explore tomorrow.”

“He slept on the plane, for the most part,” Jay informs. “Surprisingly, he didn’t snore as loudly as he usually does.” He spots your luggage and takes it off of the belt for you.

On the other side of the carousel, Heeseung and Sunoo are standing together to find their own luggages.

“You guys looked pretty cozy,” Sunoo comments. “It was nice seeing you two like that again.”

“It felt nice,” he mutters. “I really missed her.”

Heeseung doesn’t have to tell Sunoo what happened between the two of you for him to know that you two aren’t as close as you used to be. The older boy feels nearly ashamed that his own friends have caught up on his awkward demeanor.

“Well, she’s back for good and we’re here on vacation. Try not to dwell on whatever it is that’s making you think too hard.”

Heeeung laughs. “I’ll try, Sunoo. It’s just hard when we’re not as close. How can I compete when we’re in her college town and how will I talk to her in Paris?”

“Well, you never know,” Sunoo says as he picks up his luggage. “Anything can happen in the City of Love.”

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

The hotel itself is modest in size. Quaint, old cobblestone surrounding the entryway like you remember it. The people are busy walking in and out of the meeting rooms in the lobby as you walk to the concierge to sort out the rooming situation. Jay stands beside to help distribute the keys and the employee behind the desk bids you a good stay.

The view from the fifth floor is spectacular already. You catch glimpses of the streets of London below you, street lights decorating the sidewalk and flowers surrounding the city. This feels like the London you remember and it adds a slight pep in your step.

“Alright, it’s decided that three of you are gonna share,” you say as you reach the first room. “The other four will be split into two rooms and I’ll get a room for myself.”

“That’s not fair,” Jake huffs.

“I refuse to share a room with any of you.” You pocket the key to the single bedroom. “Plus, Jay’s mom helped me make the arrangements when we planned the trip.”

“Favoritism,” Jake coughs. You nudge his side.

“To make it fair, everyone will pick up a key card without knowing the room number and flip it. That’ll determine who you room with.”

“Alright,” Jungwon says. “Fair enough.”

One by one, your friends pick their key cards and discover their roommates. Jake, Sunoo, and Riki are the unlucky three who will be rooming together for the duration of the week. Jay and Sunghoon are in the room directly across from theirs while Heeseung and Jungwon share a room.

“Let’s meet at the lobby in an hour,” Jay suggests. “We can get some lunch and do some exploring before deciding on dinner.”

“We can take it easy and sleep early tonight,” you add in. “I know that flying internationally is always a bitch and I try to time my sleep when I need to.”

The eight of you part ways. Your suite has a beautiful view of the sky and the room itself makes you feel like the main character of a romance film. The bed is just to your liking with pillows stacked to the nines. It feels nice to have a moment to yourself. With your friend Yunjin backing out of the trip at the last minute due to family conflicts, you hadn’t had time to think about anything other than arriving at the hotel safely.

You busy yourself with a shower and freshen up, pulling out options for you to wear for the rest of the night. You settle with something stylish yet comfortable and put enough makeup on your face until you’re satisfied with the person staring back at you in the bathroom mirror.

True to your word, you enter the lobby when you said you would. Jay and Sunghoon are already downstairs by the seats. Sunghoon stands to offer you the loveseat but you decline politely and sift through your phone until the rest of the guys arrive.

When they do, it’s like all eight of you collectively agree that hunger has overtaken you. You know of a nearby cafe that serves sandwiches from your days in university. You lead them to the quaint restaurant that has your friends staring at the art on the walls as you greet the cashier and order.

It’s a slow moment for the eight of you as you all eat in relative silence, the sound of quiet slurping audible from the coffees everyone has chosen to drink.

“Did you spend a lot of time here?” Jungwon asks.

“Around the area, yeah,” you say, looking around. The outdoor seating area is just towards the edge of the street with the weather being a cool, cloudy day. “I loved coming to cafe’s like these with my friends after class. We’d study until they kicked us out and then go for a drink or two.”

“We should go to a pub while we’re here,” Jake suggests. “I’ve always wanted to see an English pub. We have a few back in Australia.”

“I know just the place! My friend’s brother owns it and they know I’ll be in town for the next week. It would be nice to catch up with them.”

“Hopefully your friends here kept you out of trouble,” Sunghoon teases. You flick him with your fingers.

“I’m the most responsible one out of you seven and don’t you forget that.”

“Do you miss being here now that you’re back?” Riki asks in between sandwich bites. “God, I love London already.”

“You’re going to choke if you don’t slow down.” He apologies and takes a single bite. “Well, I think I miss my friends a lot. I don’t necessarily miss being in university, but I miss the freedoms that come with it.”

“I still can’t believe you spent four years of your life here,” Sunghoon says. “That’s insane when you think about how you cried when your aunt took you to Tokyo for a week when you were in middle school.”

The boys laugh and you frown. “I was twelve, okay? You wound me. But yeah, I think I grew out of my shell in high school and had this urge to travel but didn’t know how to do it. I was surprised when my parents encouraged me to apply to King’s College, even more so when I got accepted.”

“You’ve always been too good to stay in one place for too long,” Jake says. “We got close until halfway through our first year of high school, I think. I always got the sense that you wanted more than what our hometown could offer.”

“I always wanted to move to the heart of Seoul eventually. But I think I needed to come here in order to figure that out.”

“Would you really have stayed in London if you had the chance?”

You avoid looking at Heeseung, whose attention averted from his phone to you.

“I don’t know,” you say honestly. “But what I do know is that I’m happy to be back in Korea and I’m happy to be traveling to Europe.”

“You always did have that sense of adventure,” Heeseung says. “I remember you were the one who always got us in trouble when we explored a little too far.”

“Your mom was pissed that time I walked a little too far down the shoreline when we went to Jeju.” The memory feels warm despite your discomfort at having Heeseung’s eyes on you. “I didn’t know who she wanted to kill more, me or you.”

“Definitely me. You could do no wrong in her eyes.”

“What happened?” Sunoo asks.

“My family and Heeseung’s took a trip to Jeju Island when we were around seven, if I remember correctly. I’d taken swimming lessons and thought I could show off my new skills at the beach we were at, but there was a wave that was a bit too much for me to handle.”

“She was nearly swallowed by the ocean.” Heeseung hits his knee with his palm as he recalls the memory. “I mean, I was seven and it seemed like the wave was gigantic but to my mom, it must’ve been just tall enough that she could see over it.”

“She yelled at him for the rest of the night because she had to pull me out from under the water,” you add. “I was fine. My parents laughed it off but his mom was so pissed at him for not telling me to come back to the shore.”

Echoes of laughter fill the space. It feels nice to be able to laugh like this with Heeseung, temporarily forgetting why you were so awkward around him in the first place.

When the check is paid, you lead the group around the area. Sunghoon takes out his camera and captures everything that inspires him while Sunoo and Riki are off to explore the shops around. It brings warmth to your chest to see your friends enthusiastically exploring the space you once called home. It had been a dream of yours since Jay came to visit and let you drag him around town for the day. Having them with you feels like you’re healing a part of yourself.

You duck into the quiet bookstore you used to frequent while you were a student. Filled with novels and trinkets from floor to ceiling, it feels familiar to you.

You get lost in thought when you glance at the books in front of you and you don’t notice Heeseung approaching.

“Still love books?”

“Jesus,” you gasp, clutching your chest. “You scared me.”

“Sorry,” he laughs. “Seems like you still scare easily.” You hate that he knows you so well. Clearing your throat, you put the book back.

“Yes, to both. I used to come to this bookstore a lot when I had free time.”

He looks around. “It looks like a nice place.”

“They have a reading nook in the back. The owner is this sweet older woman who was the first person to help me with my English when I first moved. I think she let me read books for free because I used to bring her sweets.”

“That sounds like something you’d do.” You cast your eyes to the floor. “It’s crazy that there’s parts of you that I don’t know.”

“Yeah,” you mumble solemnly. Heeseung’s eyes bore into the side of your face as you pretend to look at the titles of the books.

“Do you talk to your college friends often?”

“All the time. My closest friends live all over the place. Two of them are from the area, one went to live in the States, and a few live in Busan.”

“I’ll bet it was nice to have some Korean friends when you moved. I remember you used call me to tell me about your first semester here.”

You can’t help but think about the first few months after you moved when you would call Heeseung for a bit of comfort when things felt too overwhelming. With Korea being nine hours ahead, you always felt a little too bothersome phoning when it was the middle of the night for him, not used to the time difference. But he always answered you or called back when he had the chance.

You’d spend hours on the phone, talking to him about how difficult it was to learn English and how making friends was not as easy as you thought it would be. Navigating the city felt lonely and isolating because you’d barely made friends in your classes in the first few weeks. Heeseung was there through all of it, reminding you that being eighteen years old in a new country made you brave despite feeling like you were a failure for not grasping a hold on life like you thought you would.

Falling asleep on the phone with him became a routine, too. Whether it was you who fell asleep after a long day or Heeseung, who had stayed up listening to your worries, the sound of his breathing made it feel like you were back home in Korea instead of exploring a grand new world.

Soon enough, you could talk your way around and piece together conversations with your classmates until you’d found friends who shared similar interests. Heeseung was the first person you told and the first person to tell you how proud he was that you extended your roots to learn about yourself away from home. You always thrived off of his praise as if making him proud was something you never sought out to do, but appreciated when it happened.

But that was four years ago. Whatever friendship you had with him then is not the one you have with him now.

“It was nice,” you settle. “I miss my college friends. You might get to meet some later in the week.”

“Nice,” he mutters to himself when you walk past him. “That’s really nice.”

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

The rest of the week is spent in your old stomping grounds, from touring your campus, to shopping, to sightseeing. The eight of you split up more often than not to explore different areas based on mutual interest. You find that Heeseung tends to gravitate towards you and you aren’t sure if it’s because he feels guilty for rejecting you or because he genuinely wants to explore what you want to do.

Still though, at least one other person joins you. It feels nice to have a buffer to avoid any awkward conversation or moments, especially when Heeseung trips over his words trying to talk to you.

The week goes by too quickly for your liking. Spending time in London has felt like coming back home, in a way. You’ll always have your memories here and this city will remain the same when you return in the future. Now, it no longer feels like the place you escape too because things got too hard back home.

Even with Heeseung next to you more often than not, you’ve found a happy medium The awkwardness dissipates when you set aside your indifference to show everybody your favorite places, watching them explore the city for themselves.

As expected, Riki and Jake have spent a little too much on clothing with the hopes that they can fit it into their luggage on the way back. It fits miraculously.

Your friend Leo, the one whose brother owns the pub you used to frequent, tells you he’s excited to see you after all these months. It’s a Friday night when you arrive, seeing it well populated. But it’s rather early in the evening before the rush hour, so you enjoy the relative quietness before people rush in.

Heeseung, on the other hand, has been in a stupor for the latter half of the week. It began when he managed to talk to you in the bookstore, but blossomed when he watched you navigate your way around the city. You barely looked at your phone for directions and had no problem switching to English when you greeted shop owners. Hearing you speak fluently in a language you once struggled with in your childhood made him feel somewhat removed from your life. The two of you used to joke that he was always better with English. Now, the tables have turned.

The fear that you’d told your school friends about what transpired between the two of you plants itself in the back of Heeseung’s mind. He worries that your friends won’t like him and that you’ve scorned his name, but he chides himself just as much as he worries because he knows you and how deeply you care about people.

Heeseung wishes he could go back in time to change what happened. He wishes that he’d admit his mistake and confess to you before you left. It had taken him a long time to confront his own feelings, but seeing you back in Korea made him realize he didn’t care if the relationship was long distance or not. He didn’t care as long as you were in his life.

The months spent apart without phone calls or texts were agony. He loathed hearing what you were up to from your mutual friends or when he accidentally watched your Instagram stories. Seeing you happy without him made his heart lurch, not out of possessiveness, but because he wished you were comfortable enough to share those moments with him.

To boil it down, Heeseung hopes this trip can undo a year’s worth of his ignorance.

But before he can think about that, your exclamation pulls him towards a strange man before you.

“Leo!”

The sheer volume of your voice doesn’t go unnoticed by Heeseung, who eyes the bloke the second you make a dash for him. His heart winces when your arms wrap around the stranger’s neck and as he spins you around, squeezing you for good measure. He isn’t pleased when Leo settles to let his arm rest around your waist instead of letting you go. He’s even less so when you don’t attempt to separate yourself from him.

“Hey, pretty girl,” Leo says with a boyish grin, accent making Heeseung nearly roll his eyes.

“This is Leo.” You let your head rest on his shoulder for a brief moment. “He’s one of my friends from university. I think we met in, what, second year?”

“Second year, auditing class with Professor Donahue on Mondays and Wednesdays,” he says. “God, that class was so boring.”

“He’s the friend whose brother owns the bar,” you explain to them. You introduce Leo to each friend respectively. “Jay and Jake are my friends who are fluent in English.”

“You can speak it and understand it as well, right?” Leo asks as he shakes Heeseung’s hand.

He nods while giving him a tight smile. “Just a little. I’m practicing.”

“Nah, you sound perfect already.”

Heeseung feels indifferent to see you in your element with people from your past. The bartender, who is Leo’s brother, tells you the first two rounds are on the house after he checks IDs. Riki and Jungwon are excited to have their first pub experience after you make them promise to take it slow and drink lots of water in between.

“It’s a bit weird seeing her be like that,” Leo says to Jay with a laugh. “When we first got to know each other, it was me who had to tell her to watch how much she drank.”

“Y/N, drinking?” Jake asks. “No way. Back in Korea, she got drunk maybe twice a year.”

“She and a mutual friend, Elizabeth, were as thick as thieves. They were like a package deal before we all graduated and until she moved to the States. They’d always go a little too hard after exam season was over or if people invited them out on a Saturday night.”

“Y/N’s always been the responsible one out of the bunch,” Jay adds. “In high school, there was one time she got so drunk that she nearly scaled the roof of my friend’s house. Heeseung nearly fell off trying to get her down. After that, she swore off alcohol.”

Heeseung makes a few comments in the conversation as he watches you catch up with Leo’s brother and as you facilitate conversation between the rest of the guys. There’s a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach when he realizes there’s a lot he doesn’t know about you.

The two of you talked less as you became more comfortable in your environment. At first, Heeseung took it to heart and made the assumption that you’d chosen your friends in England over him, but a stern conversation with his mother made him realize he was being juvenile. He could only comfort you so much when he was oceans away. It was probably a good thing that you were talking to him less because that must’ve meant you were as overwhelmed or scared like you were when you first moved to England.

You’d still call him a few times a week before bed–when Heeseung was getting ready for the day–to update him on everything that happened in the past week. You two texted more frequently than you conversed, sending him pictures of new places you’d discovered or him sending photos of your mutual friends with sad faces at the notion of you not being able to be there with them.

Heeseung had always felt a bit jealous of your time abroad. He loved Korea, but he yearned for the same sense of adventure you once had. Only, he hadn’t figured it out until halfway through university when it was too late to transfer or apply for a semester abroad. When Jay had proposed this trip and that his father would expense half of it, he jumped at the opportunity to go.

Although, he didn’t know it would hurt him this much.

Hearing you talk about your life here made him feel like it was his fault that he barely knew your life in England. It was so easy when the two of you lived a few blocks from each other; he’d run into you with your other friends on the street or know exactly where you were likely to be at any given moment. He knew you felt the same way about him too, as you always knew where to find him if you really needed him.

But it feels like this is the first time he’s seeing you for who you are as an adult, not the child that he grew up with.

Surely, Heeseung always knew you had a good head on your shoulders. You were always the more outspoken one who stood up for what you believed in, no matter how big or small. You never backed down if someone was giving you a hard time and it was one of the reasons why Heeseung had struck up a conversation with you as you two played in the sandbox after a few kids had stolen the toys he was playing with. That sense of responsibility and gratuity followed you into your adolescent and teenage years, too. Not once had Heeseung heard anyone say a bad word about your character. He’d like to think he had something to do with it, but deep down, Heeseung knows it was all you.

When you confessed nearly a year ago, Heeseung felt like his heart might’ve ceased to function properly. Truth be told, he’s never taken his daydreams about being your boyfriend too seriously. He always wondered if it was normal to develop small crushes on your girl-friends at a young age and wondered if those butterflies in his stomach was because of how often his other friends at school would playfully tease him until they stopped. Jake and Sunghoon had been people who teased him for having a girl as his best friend until they befriended you too, and Heeseung was satisfied when they stopped with their comments. They, too, could understand why Heeseung was so keen on keeping you around.

But the butterflies never quite left him. Your smile was too bright. Your voice was too angelic. Everything about you and how you fit into his life felt a little too perfect; Heeseung hated cliches in his youth and this felt like one big cliche joke. He knew his mother didn’t approve of the girls she’d see him with, even in college when he got into his first serious relationship. She wasn’t as enthusiastic about her as she was with you. At the time, the frustration seemed too biased until it ended in a way that made Heeseung realize his mother truly knew what was best for him.

Heeseung never considered the possibility of dating you until you confessed your feelings for him.

As much as he plays off being the spontaneous, go-with-the-flow type of person, Heeseung gets scared when things go unplanned. He backs away from courage and from moments that make or break his character. He likes to play it safe unless he can make a calculated risk in his favor, choosing to let others fall flat on their face and learn from their mistakes. Heeseung had never considered the possibility of you having feelings for him either. That fateful summer night is one he will always remember, especially in the way the light in your eyes dimmed when he told you he didn’t feel the same.

He remembers your quick apologies and the way you backed away too quickly for his liking. He had tried to reach for your hand to tell you it was okay and that he didn’t feel awkward about it, but you’d shook your head and merely told him you’d see him later. Heeseung had never seen you leave so abruptly. But he figured you’d get over it, as you typically do when things don’t go your way. You’re resilient like that.

Heeseung assumed you needed time to heal from the awkward encounter and hadn’t reached out to you for a week. He didn’t think much of it at the time and hadn’t made plans with you until he realized you’d be leaving for Europe the week following. By then, it had been too late, because he stopped by your house the morning after you left.

Getting together with Seulgi after you left felt too easy. He knew she’d always had a thing for him but brushed her off for reasons he couldn’t fathom until he bumped into her a few weeks after you’d left without so much as a text or a voicemail. Feeling a bit irritated at your wordless departure, Heeseung took Seulgi out on a few days to take his mind off of you.

Except, it didn’t work. Heeseung found himself fantasizing about what it would be like to go out to dinner with you when she was sitting in front of him. When she’d texted him to thank him for his time, Heeseung imagined the kind of things you would say after your first date. When he kissed her for the first time underneath the twinkling lights of a local fair, Heeseung pictured you as he closed his eyes. The fantasy was ruined when Seulgi’s perfume touched his olfactory senses, pulling him back into reality. The guilt of kissing somebody who wasn’t you ate at his chest the moment he saw Seulgi smile at him from where he stood.

He tried his best with her but broke it off when the unrest overtook his mental wellbeing. It was amicable, for the most part. All Heeseung knows is that his parents (along with all of his friends) were happy that he hadn’t continued with that relationship.

“Y/N used to talk a lot about you, Heeseung,” Leo says, bringing the aforementioned out of his thoughts. “We’d be out at dinner or something and she’d always run outside to answer your calls.”

“Really?” Heeseung says out of surprise. He didn’t know you did that.

“You bet,” Leo replies. “She talked a lot about Korea when we’d hang out with our friends but she seemed to talk about you the most.”

Heeseung wonders if you told him about what happened between the two of you the summer before you left.

“I’m flattered.” Heeseung honestly doesn’t know what else to say. He chooses to tell the truth. “I missed her a lot. I grew up with her living a few blocks away. It felt weird not to be with her when I went to college.”

“Y/N said the same thing. Every time she’d be homesick, she’d tell us she needed to call you.” Leo’s words bring a warm flush to Heeseung’s face but he chooses to blame it on the alcohol.

“I heard my name,” you say as you walk to where they’re sitting. “Not talking shit about me, my dear Leo?”

“Never,” he teases. “Although, I’m sure I still have some pretty photos of you and Elizabeth at this very pub.”

“Oh God, please don’t.” You push his shoulder when he moves to reach his phone. “Those do not need to see the light of day and you definitely need to delete them.”

“How else am I going to blackmail you?”

“You’re the worst.” You look cute when your nose is a bit red from drinking. You always did suffer from redness to the face when you drank. “I can’t believe Elizabeth and I let you into our friend group.”

“Hey! I was the one who introduced you to her in the first place.”

“I’ll bet if I texted her right now, I’d have it in writing that she’d choose me over you.”

“Okay, you don’t need to do that because she definitely would.”

The group laughs and conversations flow nicely as a few other friends from your university days join you later in the evening. It feels like a reunion, of sorts. It feels especially wonderful to have most of your favorite people under one roof despite the slight language barrier. But everyone seems to get along well enough, especially Riki, who has taken a liking to your Japanese friend you met on your first day of orientation.

When the room gets too hot, you make your way outside where you’re fenced in by a metal barricade. It’s cold outside, but the alcohol running through your veins keeps you warm enough that you decide not to go back to ask for a jacket. Heeseung wants to follow you but stays still in his seat when he sees Sunghoon exit the door after you leave.

The wine in your hands is still halfway full. You’ve decided that you’ve taken the lead far too many times this week and that Jay can handle getting everyone home. It’s your fourth drink of the night, just enough to keep you buzzed for the duration of your time at the pub.

You register the door sliding open and make room for Sunghoon when you spot him over your shoulder.

“Your friends are really nice,” he comments, leaning on the railing next to you.

“They’re the best,” you say with a fond smile. “I owe them a lot. I only started enjoying my time here when we became friends.”

“You know, I was a little worried that you wouldn’t be happy when you moved to London for the first time.”

“What makes you say that?”

“I think a lot of people would describe you as brave and as someone who will dive in head first to things that scare you, which is true for the most part. But I think people rarely pay attention to the vulnerable side of people like you because it looks like you have it all together.”

“I was a total wreck when I first moved,” you said. “I don’t know if you remember the few times I called you when Heeseung wasn’t able to pick up.”

“Oh, I remember. That was the first time you cried to me and now you have no issue getting your snot on my sweaters.” You swat his arm at the joke but he dodges you just in time. “I remember Yeji getting worried about you too. She was so young and always said she wanted to be brave like you.”

“Sweet girl,” you say.

“The two of you are similar. I watch out for her a lot, you know? Our relatives always think she puts on a brave face and don’t think twice when she talks about her fears. They always tell her she’ll be fine, but it’s hard to actualize that when you don’t believe it.”

“I thought about coming home a few times when things got really hard,” you confess. “I was out of my depth because I couldn’t speak English very well. I could only speak fragments and getting my way around campus was so hard.”

“I don’t know how you did it, if I’m being honest. But I’m glad that you stuck around long enough to see what your life would be like.”

“Me too. I’d really love to think I’ve become a better person now that I’ve gotten the chance to know myself beyond the comfort of my home, you know? I love you guys and I love my family, but sometimes being back in Korea felt like I was listening to what was expected of me instead of what I wanted.”

Sunghoon laughs. “Yeji said the same thing a few weeks before we left for London. Part of me thinks she’s considering studying abroad. I found a few college brochures in her room.”

“Don’t you know better than to snoop inside your sister’s bedroom?”

“Yah,” he says. “Yeji steals too many of my sweaters and she said I could get them back.”

“You’re just too easy to make fun of, Hoonie.”

A comfortable silence passes over the both of you. The audible sound of people talking amongst themselves and the beautiful lights of the city illuminate what makes London so beautiful. It isn’t until Sunghoon speaks that you pull yourself out of your daydreams.

“I heard you that night,” Sunghoon confesses.

“What are you talking about?”

“The night of the bonfire.I know you told Heeseung you liked him.”

You turn your head to him. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I figured you’d tell me whenever you felt ready,” he says with a shrug. “You went back to London a couple of weeks later and I wanted to spend time with my friend. There never seemed to be a right time.” He shoves his hands in his pockets and balances from one leg to another. “You looked really sad, Y/N. I’ve never seen you look that way before.”

There’s a beat of silence.

Sunghoon listens as you sigh and you push yourself from the railing. Your back touches the cold metal as you look beside yourself to see him.

“I deluded myself into thinking Heeseung might’ve felt something for me too,” you admit. “It’s not that girls and boys can’t be friends, but towards the end of our friendship, it was like something shifted.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’d…touch me longer. Hugs, pulling me by my waist at parties, lingering near me at Riki’s bonfires, that kind of thing. He started playing with my fingers a lot more. Heeseung never used to touch me like that. He’d interrupt conversation with guys to pull me away. I always knew what he was doing but I liked him so much that I didn’t care if he interrupted a good thing between me and someone else.”

Sunghoon purses his lips and watches as you look ahead at the glass doors to see your friends laughing. “I noticed that too.”

“When we were alone, it felt like he was one sentence away from telling me he loved me more than a friend. Not that platonic crap that the eight of us tell each other, but the deep shit where that kind of love comes from kindred souls.”

“Heeseung’s too stupid to see what’s good for him anyway.” Sunghoon pulls a laugh out of you and he’s glad to hear it.

“But then I confessed to him the night of that bonfire.” You bite your lip at the memory, willing yourself not to tear up. “I mean, you heard him. He told me he didn’t feel the same way and didn’t want to ruin our friendship because it was perfect as it was.”

“And then you heard he’d gotten together with Seulgi.”

“Yeah.” You nod once and look down at your drink.

“They weren’t together long,” Sunghoon says. “She wanted more but he didn’t want to give that to her. The boys were confused because he seemed to be really happy with her until he broke it off so sudden. I always thought it was because he felt too guilty after rejecting you.”

“What did the guys think?”

“Riki hated her. I have a feeling it was because she wasn’t you, though. I think Sunoo, Jungwon, and Jake were surprised when he’d gotten together with Seulgi after you left and were trying to be nice about it. Jay was indifferent, but then again, you two weren’t as close as you were with the rest of them until he visited you while you were away.”

“Did his opinion change?”

“Definitely. Heeseung had a period of time in the new year where he went on a couple of dates with her, telling us he might’ve made a mistake by breaking things off too soon.” Sunghoon shakes his head as he tells the story. “Jay was unbelievably pissed.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know how he gets when he’s angry. He’s quiet and doesn’t talk until he’s calm. But it was like a volcano erupted, or something. Jay came back mid January to find out Heeseung had been seeing Seulgi for a couple of weeks and completely lost it on him. He said things about not knowing a good thing if it spat in his face and how he ruined every chance of happiness because of his own doing.”

“Wow…I didn’t know Jay said that.”

“It was scary. Heeseung tried to fight back and say it was his life and that Jay didn’t have a right to say what he could and couldn’t do, but the poor guy never stood a chance. Jay asked him if he would be happy if you came back to see him dating Seulgi and that shut him up real quick.”

“What do I have to do with it?” you ask. “He rejected me before I left.”

“I don’t know,” Sunghoon says truthfully. “I always thought that Heeseung was trying to redeem himself through Seulgi. But I guess we’ll never truly know.”

“It’s been almost a year,” you reminisce. “You’d think I would’ve gotten over him by now after spending time in Europe with, well, other boys.”

“He’s not just any guy who rejected you,” Sunghoon says. He looks out at the street, finding the words to say. “You two had been best friends since before me or the guys got to know either of you. There’s a special kind of bond between people who grew up together, you know?

“I think a large part of you misses being friends with him. Sure, rejection always stings, but it’s knowing that you don’t have your best friend that hurts you more.”

“Jeez,” you chide. “You always know how I feel.”

Sunghoon laughs. “I’m just observant. I know that it’s hard to be on this trip because Heeseung’s trying to be that friend you once knew. He probably feels guilty for giving you the cold shoulder during your first few weeks back in Seoul.”

You roll your eyes. “Yeah, well he’s not doing a great job showing it. Life would be easier if he left me alone.”

“But do you want that?”

You cast your eyes to the floor. “No, I don’t.”

Satisfied with your answer, Sunghoon nods.

“You know, I knew Heeseung had feelings for you the night we played spin the bottle just before we graduated high school.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Hoon. He never liked me.”

Sunghoon shakes his head. “Do you remember what happened that night?”

“Vaguely. I remember that being my first time trying alcohol and Jake having to cut me off when I couldn’t walk straight.”

He nods. “When you were sober enough to string a few sentences together, some girl suggested playing spin the bottle. When it was your turn to spin, it landed on me.”

You make a face. “Ah. I do remember kissing you.”

“Well you don’t have to look grossed out,” Sunghoon teases. “Everyone knew it was awkward because we’d been friends for like, five years at that point. We were both so flustered that the kiss lasted for maybe two seconds before everyone cheered.

“Heeseung was pissed. I saw him looking at me like I’d killed his family, or something. I swore I could see steam coming out of his ears. He wouldn’t talk to me for a week because I’d been your first kiss.”

“Seriously?”

“Dead serious.” Sunghoon laughs at the memory. “He wouldn’t answer my texts. In the group chat we were in, he’d acknowledge everyone but me. It wasn’t until a week later when we were all hanging out that I told him there was nothing between us and it was awkward to kiss you in front of our friends.”

You stand there, dumbfounded. “Huh.”

“I’ve never told anyone that,” he confesses. “I doubt anyone remembers us kissing except for him. I assumed this would be a story I’d tell you and the guys when you both eventually got together.”

He murmurs an apology. “It’s okay, Hoon. I’m glad you told me. I guess I’m just…confused. Why did he reject me if he allegedly liked me?”

“I wish I knew. He was miserable when you left and refused to talk about you moving back to Europe for your final year abroad. Heeseung was really sad when he found out you weren’t coming home for Christmas break.”

“I couldn’t bear to see him. I was so heartbroken and the friends here tonight were consoling me in the way they knew how. I knew I’d be a depressed wreck if I came back home.”

“That makes sense,” Sunghoon affirms for you. “I’m glad you met up with Jay while he was here, though. You got some kind of Christmas gift from home.”

“Me too. I feel like Jay and I got closer because of it. I knew he could tell something was off but he didn’t say anything about it. Something tells me he knows more than he cares to say.”

“You know Jay.” You both nod. “More observant and caring than the rest of us. Part of me thinks Heeseung’s jealous of your new friendship with him since the two of you basically planned this whole trip on your own.”

“Well, Jay has more international travel experience and his dad knows the right people,” you say with a shrug. “I spent four years of my life here. It makes sense.”

“To us, yes. To Heeseung? I think his feelings cloud his judgment.”

“He never used to confuse me,” you admit. “We used to talk about how much we hated when people made us guess how they felt or what they were thinking. We always said it was unfair if you make people you love, make you guess their intentions. But he’s doing that to me and it’s been driving me insane.

“Sometimes I wonder if I should’ve kept my mouth shut. I watched him date girls in high school. I watched him with what I thought would be his first serious girlfriend during our first year of college before he went through that short hookup phase. God, that hurt me so bad and I couldn’t say anything because it wasn’t my life.”

“For what it’s worth, I think it was brave of you to confess to him,” Sunghoon tells you. “I don’t say that as a cheap cop out to make you feel better either. You know me, I’m really sentimental about things even if I don’t come off that way. To confess your feelings to someone who you love…one can only hope to hear that someday.”

You nudge your shoulder with his. “You say that like you didn’t have girls begging for a date.”

Sunghoon laughs and you know what he means.

“You’ve always been the bravest of all of us,” he continues. “I think the reason why I wanted to be friends with you when we were kids is because you didn’t take bullshit from people. I was too shy to stand up for myself between my career as a figure skater while trying to be a normal kid. You and Heeseung offered that kind of normalcy. I could see you two in the bleachers at my competitions and then we’d go out for ice cream like it was any other day.”

“Well, now you’re going to make me cry.”

“I mean it, Y/N. You’re a great friend and a great person. I hope Heeseung hasn’t fucked things up too bad that you leave his life for good.”

You shiver. “Me too.”

“Talk to him,” Sunghoon advises. “Do it before we leave. You’re removed from your life back home.” You open your mouth to refute but he beats you to the chase. “If it doesn’t work out, then you’ll know your answer when you go home and you can resume your life without Heeseung in it.”

Sunghoon leaves you alone with your thoughts but makes you promise that you’ll join the group soon.

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

When you walk back into the pub, Jake clouds your personal space before you can even think about ordering another drink.

“Jesus, Hoon. Couldn’t you have offered Y/N your jacket if you guys were gonna be out that long? Poor girl looks like she’s about to freeze to death.

Jake’s affinity for the dramatic never ceases. Your friends look at your goosebumps and the way you’re acclimating to the warmer temperature inside while Sunghoon merely rolls his eyes.

“I’m fine,” you say. “We only came in because I started to get cold.”

“Let me get my jacket for you,” Heeseung says as he rises from his seat.

“No.” You’re sure you say it too abruptly, but you can’t bear the thought of wearing his clothes after the conversation you just had. “I’m fine, honestly.”

“Stop being stubborn and wear a damn jacket,” Leo chides, wrapping his coat around your shoulders. “You have this habit of never bringing one when you need it and it drives me crazy.”

“But that’s what I have you for, don’t I?”

As you tug the material closer to your body, Sunghoon watches as Heeseung stares at Leo with a hard expression.

“Not when you’re back in Seoul, you goof.” Leo takes your empty glass. “I’m glad you have these guys back at home. They seem really good for you.”

“I love them a lot.” You say it so tenderly with your head tilted as you look at the boys you’d call family, only for them to coo at your clearly vulnerable, inebriated state.

“My mother, my older sister, and best friend,” Riki says with a hiccup as he engulfs you in a hug. “Seriously, I would be dead in a ditch without you.”

“I don’t know a better person,” Sunoo chimes in from where he’s seated.

“There was one time where Y/N had this lemon phase where she couldn’t stop drinking lemonade or eating lemon candy,” Jake tells the group. “Now I think of her every time I see something yellow.”

“That’s kind of fitting though, isn’t it?” Leo asks. “Yellow for sunshine.”

Everybody agrees and it makes your cheeks and neck warm up. You hide yourself in Leo’s jacket, but God, Heeseung wishes he could hide you in his arms instead.

Still, he can’t help but agree with Leo. If there’s any truth to his words, it’s that you are made of pure, unfiltered sunshine.

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

The next morning, all eight of you board the train for a two-hour ride to Paris. For the next five days, you’ll be acting as a tourist rather than tour guide, for the most part. Jay volunteers to take the lead since you did most of the heavy lifting in London. You do, however, chime in to give him a few recommendations from your prior visits to the city.

Sunghoon’s advice plagues your thoughts, so much so that Jungwon has had to guide you out of the hotel and into the cab before arriving at the train station. Both he and Sunoo look a bit worried about you, but you wave them off and tell them you had one too many to drink. You know they don’t believe you but you’re grateful they don’t press on.

Paris is much more beautiful than you remember it, and it’s likely due to the fact that you’re here on vacation, not because you wanted a weekend getaway to escape the stress of midterms and exams. The people are just as indifferent as ever. You’re able to practice some of your basic French to order coffee and pastries for everyone. It’s a feat that leaves Heeseung impressed and you try not to acknowledge him when you see his jaw drop.

The hotel itself is more beautiful than the last. You have the room with the balcony and double doors leading to a breathtaking view of the buildings and streets below. It’s unlike anything you’ve ever seen, even if the streets are littered with trash and the people are a bit too loud. It still feels charming.

The rooming situation is the same as London, with you in the single room and the rest of the boys to fend for themselves. This time, Jungwon, Jay, and Sunghoon are sharing the three bedroom with Heeseung and Jake sharing another, and Sunoo and Riki in the other double. The hotel must’ve miscalculated the rooming situation and put your single room at the end of the hallway away from the others, but you aren’t complaining.

The first few days are filled with happiness and dread, namely when you see Heeseung as you begin your day. He has a knack for making you laugh until you come to the notion that you really shouldn’t be finding his jokes very funny because he doesn’t deserve that kind of reaction from you.

In fact, he doesn’t deserve your attention after ignoring you for as long as he has. Seeing Leo again brought up memories of crying in his flat with Elizabeth and drinking too much wine to forget the pain temporarily. Your friends invited you to a night spent in the pub after Leo begged his brother to close it for the night so that you could have a free space to drink and talk about Heeseung until your voice gave out.

Your irritation carries over and Heeseung can tell when you move away from him when he tries to stand next to you. He’s hurt but he tries to understand that you have a right to be, even if he knows in his heart the reasons why he acted the way he did. He just needs to find time to talk to you, even if the conversation doesn’t end the way he hopes it will.

With two days left on the trip, you’ve eaten your way through the streets of Paris and have done your fair share of shopping. Each of the boys had bought you a small token of their appreciation (Heeseung paid for your latte, Jay purchased a small wallet from Prada, Jake gifted you new sunglasses, Sunghoon a charm for your bracelet, Sunoo a bowl of pasta for lunch, Jungwon a pair of earrings, and Riki a new jacket that looks similar to his from back home). It warms your heart to know you have people who care about you enough to show and tell you.

The Eiffel Tower calls your name one late afternoon and by the time you all manage to walk up, the sun is setting below the horizon. There are couples around Heeseung who are taking photos left and right, one of which asks him to take a few pictures for them. He can’t help but wish he was in their place, asking a stranger to take a photo of the two of you as he kisses the apple of your cheek. Heeseung snaps a few good ones before the couple thanks him.

It doesn’t help that you look like a walking goddess. Truth be told, Heeseung wanted to buy you more than just coffee when the boys agreed to each give you something as a token of their gratitude. Heeseung had come up with a list of ideas he wanted advice for, but it was Sunghoon who’d told him to keep it simple for your sake. He was right, as always, because you thanked him with a pleasant smile instead of ignoring him like you had in the days prior. Heeseung gets the feeling that you wouldn’t appreciate a grand gesture from him right now.

He hates that he can’t read you like he used to. He hates that the other friends know you better than he does, and he hates that he’s in the City of Love and he can’t call you his girlfriend.

Riki and Jungwon are more perceptive than they let on. Heeseung sees the way their eyes dart between the two of you and how they’ve been trying their best to navigate the new dynamic. Riki, especially, hadn’t been receptive of Seulgi the first time Heeseung invited her to a bonfire. Heeseung had overheard the younger boy telling Jungwon it wasn’t the same without you there and that he’d rather go home than spend another minute getting to know someone who wasn’t you.

At the time, Heeseung was beyond irritated and refused to speak to Riki for the rest of the night. Now, however, he understands why Riki acted the way he did.

You look so beautiful underneath a Parisian sunset. Heeseung knows he’s staring. He’s grateful that you’re too preoccupied with Sunghoon taking photos of you. But God, he wishes you’d laugh at him like that.

“You should talk to her,” Jake says from beside him. Heeseung jumps at his sudden appearance. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

“I want to.” Heeseung says it out loud for the first time. He wants to work it out with you and get his best friend back in whatever way you’ll allow. “I miss her, Jake. I miss being her friend and I fucked up when I rejected her.”

Heeseung doesn’t notice Jake’s eyes widen at the sudden admission. Jake had his fair share of theories and considered Heeseung to be his best friend, but even he knew there was a limit about what he was willing to share and what he kept to himself. Heeseung’s friendship with you was something he stopped trying to learn a few years after he got to know you; Heeseung had a soft spot for you and had no problem letting people know that. It wasn’t until you mentioned to Jake that you hadn’t spoken to Heeseung in months that he knew something was up.

“She clearly cares about you,” Jake says. “She wouldn’t be on this trip if she didn’t.”

“But she’s been ignoring me the past three days. And before you say it, yes, I know that she has a valid reason to, but I’m hurt and I want to make things better.”

“You have to let her take the reins and let her talk to you when she wants to,” Jake advises. “You know how she is. Y/N’s headstrong and she might not know how she feels right now, but she always knows what’s best for her. You’re good for her, Heeseung. Let her come to that conclusion on her own.”

Heeseung relinquishes his breath. “You’re right. I just…miss her. A lot. Things will never go back to the way they used to but I don’t think I want them to. I used to pray every night that I could somehow make everything like it was before that night but now I want more than that. She deserves better and I want to be better for her, not that coward who was too scared to try something new with the person he loves.”

His friend’s words bring a smile to Jake’s lips. “Well I, for one, believe in you. I think the rest of the guys do too.”

“I know,” Heeseung says softly with his eyes on you.

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

You can’t believe you leave Europe in two days as you sip your wine. Jay’s father was gracious enough to reach out to his friend at the hotel’s restaurant to negotiate having this meal compensated. It’s a gesture you hold onto and make a mental note to write a thoughtful note when you settle back in Korea. Jay sits next to you and partakes in the wine activities with you, namely picking out two different bottles to share with the table. Talking to Jay like this makes you feel otherworldly, like you’ve gotten more experience out of life since you chose to study abroad. You feel lucky, in a sense, that your life has given you more than you expected it too.

The younger boys head upstairs after dessert and bid you all a goodnight in case they don’t see you before falling asleep. For the next thirty minutes or so, it’s the five of you laughing away at the hotel bar like old times, reminiscing about embarrassing moments from high school or how difficult it was to hear Jake’s Korean when he first moved.

The Australian leaves as soon as he yawns. Sunghoon, a little too tipsy upon standing from the bar table, presses a gentle kiss to your head when he says goodnight to the rest of you. Jay gives your arm a reassuring squeeze and you understand for the first time that he always knew you better than he let on. He says goodnight and tells the bartender to charge his room whenever you two close the tab.

Now, you and Heeseung are sitting together, mere inches apart as the Parisian sky twinkles with stars above the two of you.

Neither of you know what to say. You fidget with the glass and contemplate on whether you should head up as well. Heeseung can sense your awkwardness and wish he hadn’t messed things up so badly that you can’t stand to be alone with him without thinking of an escape plan. He misses when the two of you could sit in complete silence and still feel comfortable around one another.

“Thank you for showing us around,” he speaks up before you can make the decision to leave. “I remember you talking about all of the places you showed us when you first moved here. I’ve always wanted to visit.”

“Really?”

Heeseung nods. “I used to be so jealous that you got the opportunity to travel abroad every time you talked about it. But I think I like it better this way, with you as the tour guide.”

That brings a laugh out of you and Heeseung can’t help but smile. He doesn’t care if it’s the alcohol allowing your walls to come down. He’s grateful for the chance.

“I used to write down places I wanted to show you,” you confess. “There were so many places that reminded me of where we’d used to hang out as kids. It always felt like there was a part of you with me.”

His heart melts. “I wish I could’ve visited you while you were here. Your friends seem pretty cool.”

“They are.” Heeseung watches you smile. “They’ve been with me through a lot and helped me get over this fear of failing in a different country. My friend Suki, who now lives in Tokyo, was the first person to really get me out of my shell and convinced me to go out. Awkward Y/N? Going to clubs?”

“You know how to dance, though. I bet you killed it.”

“A little too much, perhaps. I didn’t date or hook up much, but there were a few times that I did.” Heeseung’s heart begins to sink as does his hope. This is not where he wanted to lead the conversation but his ears perk up at your next point. “But I wasn’t happy doing that so I stopped making out with random guys on the dance floor.”

“If only thirteen-year-old you could see you then,” he teases. You bump his shoulders with yours and he feels electricity running down his arm.

“I think I did a good job adjusting and learning. There were times where I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing with my life because I couldn’t decide if I wanted to stay in London or go back to Seoul. That burden felt too much.”

“For what it’s worth, I’m glad you came back home.”

Your head whips to look at Heeseung, who can only sit and watch as your eyes begin to water.

“Why didn’t you say anything when I texted and called you?” you ask meekly, your voice barely above a whisper. “Why didn’t you see me when I came back?”

“I know.” He gulps. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so, so sorry.”

You sniffle and Heeseung wants to cry too. “Everyone came to pick me up at the airport. I kept looking for you but you weren’t there. Jake had to pull me away from baggage claim because he said you weren’t coming but I didn’t listen. I told him he was wrong. You always come.”

Heeseung’s soul breaks with every crack in your voice and with the way your lips quiver. He sees your mascara beginning to smudge and resists the urge to wipe it away so that your eyes may look fresh and dry.

“I’m sorry,” he repeats. “I have no excuse.”

“I wanted my best friend but you never showed up for me. You didn’t call or text me when you knew I was home and I had to wait until Riki’s bonfire to see you.”

“I was an idiot and stupid,” is the only answer Heeseung can come up with. “I used to be so scared of change. You left the country and I had to start thinking about what I wanted to do with my life but it was so hard without you in it.”

“Then why did you leave me?”

His heart shatters.

You’ve turned away from him in an attempt to walk back to your hotel room. However, Heeseung has learned his lesson. He doesn’t let you stray too far and gently tugs your wrist to pull you into his chest and is surprised when you don’t fight him off of you.

He doesn't care that your tears have stained his shirt or that you’re hiccupping into his clothes. All Heeseung wants to do is let you know he’s here for you now, despite his past mistakes and clouded judgment. Heeseung loves you for your bravery and vulnerability. He can only hope you understand that.

“Let’s go to your room, yeah? I can help you take your makeup off.”

Whether from the alcohol or your need to be near Heeseung, you let him guide you to the elevator. He digs in your purse for your room key and coaxes you to sit in the bathroom while he locks the door. This routine feels a bit familiar; in his youth, he learned how you like to take your makeup off and get ready for bed after a particularly rough night drinking. He could never understand why he hadn’t minded taking the extra step and to keep himself sober when you were in the vicinity, but he understands it now.

Heeseung meets you in the bathroom and washes his hands before putting your hair in a ponytail. He bites his lips when he sees your fresh tears and mutters another apology, forcing himself not to wipe away the tears with his fingers. Instead, he lets you blot them with a tissue before gathering makeup remover in his hands and gently smears it all over your skin.

“I didn’t like change,” he says after a quiet beat. “I was too cowardly to take what I wanted, even if the person I wanted said they wanted me too. I don’t know why I didn’t chase after you that night or why I thought you needed space before you left. I don’t have an explanation for any of it except to say that I was a coward who never wanted anything to change between us.”

Heeseung warms a wet cloth and wipes the balm away until he’s satisfied and moves on with your favorite cleanser, rubbing it between his hands until it foams.

“I think, deep down, I’ve always loved you more than I led on. I can’t think of any moment in my life where you weren’t there or times that I didn’t want you around. Even when we were in elementary school and everyone kept saying we would get cooties from each other, I wanted you with me.”

He lets you wash your face and applies the rest of your products on as you once taught him.

“I’ve always had this sense of pride when it came to being your friend. Everyone always talked about how cool you were because you always knew what to say and when to say it. I love that about you, you know. You have a way of making people feel like they’re really special. I don’t know why I was so afraid of that.

“I love who you are and what you believe in. You make the world a better place for everyone around you. How you treated me was a small fraction of why I love you. I love your passions and that you aren’t afraid to chase after them. I love that you stick with the same boba order even though you tell yourself you’ll try something new. I love that you hate the beach but go with us every time we ask. I love when you get a little drunk because you don’t fight me when I want to take care of you.”

Heeseung swallows. “But mostly, I just really love you.”

You open your eyes for the first time. Heeseung can only stare.

“You really hurt me.”

He glances down. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“What hurt the most was knowing you weren’t going to be there as my best friend, Heeseung. I could handle your rejection. I could find a way to get over you. But I could never get over losing our friendship. I never wanted you out of my life because it’s better with you in it.”

“Please don’t get over me,” Heeseung croaks. His own eyes begin to swell and he forces a choked sob down his throat, aggressively wiping his eyes to rid himself of tears. He presses his forehead against yours. “I don’t want you to get over me.”

You don’t say anything for a few moments. Heeseung swears he feels the blood rushing to his ears as he anticipates your response and he’s sure that even if what you say isn’t what he wants to hear, he’s happy to wear his feelings on his sleeve for once in his life.

“I don’t think I could even if I tried.”

Heeseung’s heart stops beating. He doesn’t kiss you even though he wants to. He doesn’t take your hand and pull you into him like his heart tells him to. Instead, he whispers a quiet thanks and is surprised when he hears you laugh.

“I can’t apologize enough. I don’t want to make you feel like you have to do or say anything.”

“I know,” you whisper. Heeseung's hands are dangling awkwardly by his side. He feels like pushing his forehead against yours was too much. But your hands reach for him and you give him a squeeze.

Heeseung throws caution out of the window and envelopes you in a hug. He feels your body melt against his and can’t help but look at the way you’ve folded into his chest in the bathroom mirror, with your head in his neck and his cheek on the crown of your head. Heeseung missed holding you like this–with your bodies intertwined as if you were two soulmates who were forced apart upon creation.

He stroked your back with his hand and kept the other secured around your waist. Your soft breaths touch his skin and it feels like he’s got electricity running through his veins.

“I’m sorry,” Heeseung whispers again. “I will keep apologizing until you know the depth of my regret.”

The boy feels like he’s floating when you press a soft kiss to his exposed chest, mentally thanking Jake for forcing him to let loose and unbutton a few.

“You could start by staying with me until I fall asleep,” you say. “Like old times.”

He tries not to punch the air. “I can do that.”

Heeseung waits in the bathroom until you’ve changed into comfortable clothing. He isn’t surprised when he sees you in shorts and an oversized shirt. It’s reminiscent of what you used to wear when you’d sleep in the guest bedroom in his house or vice versa, but now that he’s acknowledged his feelings for you, he can’t help but coo at how cute and sleepy you look.

You tuck yourself in bed with the blankets to your chin and he completely melts to the floor. You pat the spot next to him and he sits on top of the blankets.

“Under the covers, silly.”

“I don’t want to rush it,” Heeseung says in a panic.

“We aren’t rushing. We’re two best friends who got each other back.”

Heeseung has never been more relieved. Though, he knows you’re a stickler for outside clothes in bed, so he makes the decision to take your key card and change.

“I’m not leaving you,” he says when he notices you rise from your spot on the bed. He holds two key cards to prove it and leans over to press a soft kiss to your cheek. “I’m going to change and then I’ll be right back. I promise.”

He comes back ten minutes later. It warms your heart at the sight of him and you feel the comfort in your body when he slides underneath the covers.

You surprise yourself when you move to lay your head on his chest with your arm around his body. Heeseung doesn’t seem to mind, though, and he pulls you closer to him like you’ve done it a million times before. The two of you have wanted this for too long to make it feel awkward.

“What did Jake say when you came into the room?” you ask.

“He was half asleep until I turned the light on but he asked me if we resolved things. I told him yes and then he asked if I was staying the night with you when he saw me leaving.”

“Am I right to assume he was more excited about having the room to himself?”

Heeseung laughs. “That you are.”

“Deep down, I think Jake knew we’d find our way. I think they all did.”

“I’m sorry,” Heeseung whispers once more. You quiet him with a kiss to his cheek.

“I know, Hee. We can talk more tomorrow. For now, let’s sleep.”

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

The next morning, Heeseung wakes up before you do and frowns when your body’s all the way on the other side of the bed. He leans over your sleeping frame and brushes strands of hair from your face, admiring how serene you look in your sleep. For a moment, Heeseung ponders if it’s too soon to wake you up the way he’d like to, but if last night was any indication about how you felt, he’d be willing to take the chance.

He leans down to kiss your forehead and both of your cheeks repeatedly until your eyes flutter open. Heeseung thinks he could listen to your laugh every morning with the way you wince at the sunlight and how his lips touch your skin. Still, your gaze finds its way to Heeseung’s and you can’t help but smile.

There was a brief moment before you fell asleep that you’d wondered if you’d been too quick to forgive him. But for as hurtful as the past year was, you can’t help but acknowledge the steps he took during the trip in an attempt to undo all of the contempt you had built for him. You owe it to yourself to be happy with Heeseung.

“Good morning, pretty girl,” Heeseung says with his morning voice that sounds a little too good for seven in the A.M. “Did you sleep well?”

“Slept like a baby. I feel like one too.”

“That’s because you are a baby,” Heeseung teases, kissing your cheeks and then the tip of your nose. “My baby.”

“I really want breakfast but I’m too lazy to get up from the bed.”

“We could always order in. I’ll pay.”

You shake your head. “I’ll be too tempted to stay in bed and it’s our last full day in Paris. Let’s just get ready and have breakfast at the hotel restaurant?”

The both of you are halfway done eating breakfast when the rest of your friends trickle in, joining your table and the ones next to you. It takes them a while to wake up, but it’s Sunghoon who speaks up first.

“I’m assuming you two talked?”

“And made up,” you say with a tilt of your head.

“That’s my girl,” Sunghoon says proudly, sipping on his coffee.

“I’ll let that slide since we’re all friends,” Heeseung jokes. You laugh and, for the first time in a while, you don’t feel guilty about it.

“I had the whole room to myself, too. I woke up and didn’t have to fight anyone for the bathroom,” says Jake.

Riki nearly spits his juice out. “You guys slept together?”

“Not like that!” you’re quick to exclaim. “He just slept over. Slept. As in, we closed our eyes and actually slept.”

“Both of us knew we needed our beauty sleep before dealing with the six of you asking us questions,” Heeseung adds. “But for your information, we made up. We still have things to figure out, but we’re back to being friends.”

“Hopefully more than that,” Jungwon coughs behind his coffee. He merely smiles when Heeseung looks in his direction.

“I think you two should spend the rest of the day by yourselves,” Jay suggests. “We can either meet up for dinner or whenever we have to check out.”

“I second that,” Sunoo agrees. “You two clearly need to talk.”

“I wanted to go shopping with Y/N again,” Riki says with a frown. Jake presumably knocks his shin with Riki’s, who clears his throat. “But you two should totally hang out without us.”

“I think we might,” Heeseung says, holding his hand out for you to take. He stands from his seat and encourages you to stand as well, leading you away from the table. “Thanks for the breakfast, Jay!”

“I’m choosing to be the bigger person because Y/N’s been through enough,” Jay mutters when Heeseung is out of hearshot, making the table laugh.

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

“You know, I think the reason why I had such a hard time reaching out was because we’d never gotten into something that serious before,” Heeseung admits. The gelato in your hand isn’t as good as you remember it, but it does the job to cool you down on a particularly warm afternoon.

“What do you mean?”

“Do you remember when we were kids and how hard it was for me to talk to you about anything that was action movies or superheroes?”

“God, you and your Superman cape from fourth grade,” you snort. “You wore that thing to school everyday. Your dad had to wash it every night otherwise you’d refuse to go to sleep.” Heeseung shuts his eyes at the memory.

“You were the only person I felt comfortable pouring my heart out to, you know. You were always the first person I called when I needed someone to talk to, but then I was the reason why you got hurt…I think part of me didn’t know if I was allowed to reach out to you.

“It’s a stupid excuse, I know. But when I heard you were coming back to Seoul a few weeks before you did, I couldn’t help but think about how many times I could’ve texted you.”

“Yeah, you could’ve.” Heeseung merely nods at your agreement. “We’ve been through a lot over the years, but I guess there’s a first time for everything.”

“I just wish I had come to this conclusion when it happened. I was so caught up in graduating and focusing on how I felt that I didn’t consider how you must’ve been dealing with all of it. I don’t think I’ve ever been so selfish in my life.”

“I think the time you refused to let me be friends with Jake because you said you needed friends aside from me was your second most selfish moment.”

Heeseung rolls his eyes. “Quit it. I was thirteen, okay?”

Neither of you particularly care to do any sightseeing today. It feels nice to walk side-by-side without the company of your other friends. The juxtaposition of how you felt towards the beginning of this trip compared to how relaxed you feel surprises you a tenfold, but you suppose that comes with genuine apologies and forgiveness.

You’re willing to admit Heeseung looks criminally good in black jeans and a striped button down. He wears his clothes so effortlessly yet still looks like he could’ve taken his wardrobe from a magazine. You’ve always found it a bit unfair that Heeseung always manages to look so cool without trying too hard.

“You’re staring,” he mutters, looking at you from the corner of his eye as the two of you walk down a cobblestone street.

“I’m not,” you lie. You turn your head to avoid his gaze, but Heeseung thinks he likes seeing you this shy. It’s new territory for him, one that he wants to explore.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Go for it.”

“Why did you forgive me so quickly?” Heeseung asks. “I appreciate it, I really do, but a big part of me feels like I don’t deserve that just yet.”

It takes you a while to answer. Why did you forgive him as fast as you did? For a week and a half, being in close quarters with Heeseung made you feel nothing but anxious and on edge, so why were you able to allow yourself to be vulnerable in front of him?

“I’ve always held onto the idea that you’re a good person,” you begin. “I’ve always admired that you intend to care for the people you love and make them feel like they have a place in your life. You’ve always made me feel safe, like I could run to you when things got too hard.

“What you did was in poor taste, sure, but making bad decisions doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. I know you, Hee. I know how you get when you’re faced with a difficult choice and how long it takes for you to come around. I was justifiably hurt but I think a part of me always knew you’d fix it somehow.”

“I wish I could feel deserving of that kind of forgiveness.”

“You know me. You know I wouldn’t tell you that if I didn’t feel like what I’m saying is true. I’ll admit that I shocked myself with how quickly I let my guard down with you…but you’re Heeseung. You've been my best friend since the first grade and you’re the boy I happen to have a really big crush on.”

Heeseung bites his lips at your confession, willing himself not to be too forward as to kiss you in the middle of the street. He sees your bravery and the way you’ve put your heart directly in the palm of his hand, acting out of vulnerability even though the both of you knew he hurt you once before.

He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t need to. Instead, Heeseung grabs your hands and locks his fingers with yours, squeezing three times to tell you he loves you.

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

The afternoon comes and goes with little to no plan. Heeseung’s a bit worried that he hasn’t heard anything from the boys and he’s rendered shocked that you’ve taken it upon yourself to let the day take you where it may instead of finding the next spot to visit.

As if on cue, Jay texts him with plans for the evening.

jjongcaprio: 20:00, Pétrelle. It’s a five minute walk from the hotel

jjongcaprio: I made reservations for you and Y/N tonight. Don’t worry about me and the boys, just take her out on a romantic date

jjongcaprio: The bill’s covered. The reservation’s under your name btw

heeseung: bro i cannot ask you to do this

jjongcaprio: You don’t have to. You and I both know Y/N deserves to be wined and dined

jjongcaprio: Plus I saw you looking at a few restaurants when we were on the train. I managed to pull some strings for you and got a last minute reservation for tonight

heeseung: thank you jay…i really don’t know what i’d do without you

jjongcaprio: It’s really not a problem, bro. Promise me that you’ll try to be happy with her. The guys and I are rooting for you two

“So,” Heeseung clears his throat as he looks up from his phone, “I think you and I should go out for dinner.”

“Where are you thinking of going? I can text the others and see if they’re done sightseeing, or whatever it is they’re doing.”

“I mean just us two.” He stands awkwardly when you’ve turned your attention to him, his feet planted on the sidewalk beneath him as if that’ll help steady his beating heart.

“Like a date?”

“Yes,” he says immediately. “Like I date. I, Heeseung, am asking you out on a date. Tonight. At eight.”

“I, Y/N, would love to go on a date with you. At eight.”

The twinkle in your eye and your coy nature makes him feel like a teenager again. He leads you into the hotel and walks you to your door before stepping back as you step inside.

“We’ve got an hour and a half before we need to leave. I’ll come by and then we can walk together. The restaurant is only a five minute walk, so you can wear those new heels I know you feel guilty buying.”

“They’re really pretty though,” you rationalize.

Heeseung nods. “Gorgeous, actually. Maybe you’ll be as tall as me if you wear them.”

“We’ll just have to see, won’t we?”

Heeseung bites his bottom lip as you disappear behind the door, locking eyes with you until you’re completely out of sight. Flirting with you like this is a completely new phenomenon for him. He’s only daydreamed about what you might say if he said something a little too suggestive or how you might act if he dedicated a wink in your direction. Heeseung had never considered that he’d be the one flustered, cheeks reddening to the point where he starts to feel shy.

His nerves are endless as he picks out an outfit for tonight. Heeseung sends a quick text to his parents, who had pressured him into bringing nice clothes for a fancy dinner, and spends a few minutes updating them on the events of the past few days. His mother is pleased, to put it lightly, and sends a handful of emoticons to display her happiness. His father tells him words of encouragement before making Heeseung promise to bring you for dinner as his girlfriend, not just his best friend.

With the last touch of his cologne, Heeseung looks at himself in the mirror and tries not to think too hard about how he looks. You’re Y/N, his best friend since he can remember, and you’ve seen him with snot dripping from his nose.

“I look fine,” he says to himself in the mirror. “Y/N will like the look because your mom picked it out and we know those two agree on everything. Absolutely nothing to worry about.”

Heeseung’s only regret is he doesn’t have a bouquet of flowers to present you with as he makes his way to your hotel room. He wipes his palms on his trousers and takes a deep breath before knocking on your door.

When it opens, he’s met with the sight of you in a short black dress that hugs your hips to accentuate your body. The dress itself is an elegant, spaghetti strap number with a flattering neckline paired with jewelry that makes your skin appear to be glowing. Your heels match well with the dress you’ve chosen, so much so that Heeseung’s jaw drops when his eyes rake over your body.

“Wow,” he mutters. “Just…wow.”

“I’m not used to you being speechless,” you say mildly, closing the door behind you.

“You look gorgeous,” he sputters. “I shouldn’t be seen with you tonight.”

“You’re dramatic, Hee.” You give him a once over and Heeseung thinks he wouldn’t mind you checking him out as you please. “You look handsome as ever.”

He beams at the compliment and holds his arm out for you.

“Shall we?”

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

Heeseung knows the type of person you are and what you value, yet he still renders himself shocked when you allow him to take control of the evening. He knows you don’t need to have the expensive consequences that come with a first date or to be sipping the most luxurious wine to be happy, but Heeseung can’t help but feel like you deserve to feel as elegant as you look every once in a while.

The host leads the two of you to a table with the most gorgeous view of the Parisian scenery. The twinkling stars paired with the dimly lit restaurant adds a romantic touch to the evening. Heeseung mentally thanks Jay for preparing wine recommendations so neither of you have to think too much about it.

For a moment, he’s worried that he’s reached too far out of his depth. The fanciest thing Heeseung has ever done with you is eat ramen after prom in your best outfits because you both came to the conclusion that prom should be spent with someone you actually like. It’s funny in hindsight when he thinks about it now.

You look so beautiful like this, allowing yourself to be taken care of by him. Talking to you over the table feels like you’re back in Korea before all that transpired. The food is impeccable and Heeseung thanks his lucky stars that he and Jay got it right. You sing praises left and right.

Dinner ends much quicker than he’d like as the two of you finish dessert. The waiter tells him the bill has been taken care of and Heeseung sits in his seat awkwardly as you look out the window to see the view from outside. But he hears the live band in the background and sees a few older couples slow dancing from where he sits and makes up his mind.

“Do you want to dance?”

You pull your attention to him. For a moment, he thinks he’s asked the most absurd question known to man when he recalls all the times you refused to make a home on the dance floor until you’ve gotten at least four drinks in your system.

You surprise him.

“I’d love to, Hee.”

The room disappears when he leads you to the dance floor. He mimics the other dancers and takes the lead, swaying your bodies back and forth to the melody of the music. You smell of vanilla and cinnamon, a scent so distinctly you that it makes him grin like a man in love.

“Thank you for tonight,” you say against his neck. “I won’t lie when I say I feel like a princess.”

“That’s because you are a princess,” Heeseung says, kissing the top of your head. “You deserve to be treated like one.”

“I can’t believe you pulled this off so quickly. Don’t restaurants like these require reservations?”

He chuckles nervously. “About that…Jay helped me with the details. I was looking up restaurants to take you to if I got the chance before our trip ended. I guess he saw the list and chose the most romantic one out of the bunch.”

“I owe Jay a thank you.”

“We both do.”

“I feel lucky to have people in my life who care about me this much,” you say. “I’m so happy you’re back in my life.”

“I’m happy to be in it.” Heeseung squeezes your waist. “Deep down, it’s always been you that I’ve loved. There’s not a single person who makes me feel the way you do.”

“Yeah?”

You feel him nod. “I’ll say it until you believe me. I’ll even yell it in this restaurant right now.”

“Please don’t,” you laugh. “I believe you.”

The sound of the melody overtakes the conversation. You feel Heeseung’s steady heartbeat as he expertly moves your bodies together on the dance floor. When you close your eyes, you think of this moment and how badly you want to commit it to memory, no longer in anguish over the tribulations of the past year. It feels nice to let go of your worries, even better that you have Heeseung back.

“I really want to kiss you,” he murmurs under his breath. You pull your head back.

“Then you should kiss me.”

Heeseung wastes no time and pulls you into him, one arm around your waist and the other behind your neck. His mouth finds yours when he decides he loves the taste of red wine on your lips. It feels poetic to be kissing you for the first time as you’re both dressed to the nines in the middle of Paris. To him, kissing you feels like a breath of fresh air and the start of something new. For you, kissing him feels like coming home.

When he pulls back, you search for his eyes.

“Take me back to the hotel,” you whisper.

Heeseung feels his heart drop.

“I’m sorry. We can go back now.”

You grip the collar of his slightly unbuttoned dress shirt when he moves. It’s only then that Heeseung sees the want in your eyes and the pure lust that clouds your pupils.

“Take me back to the hotel.”

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

By the time your elevator reaches your floor, Heeseung’s dress shirt is completely unbuttoned with his toned chest exposed. You’re barely able to detach yourself from his mouth when he pushes you out of the contraption. Your hand reaches for his as you pull him towards your room, digging through your purse when you feel Heeseung’s lips on the back of your neck.

“You look sexy in my jacket,” he mumbles, pressing wet kisses to your skin.

“L-Let me find the key.”

“So sexy.” His hands slide up the side of your body until he grips your waist.

When the door opens, you pull Heeseung inside with you and lock it shut before pushing his dress shirt off of his body, exposing his muscular build and broad shoulders. You aren’t shy about hiding your lust, gazing all over his chest and abdomen as you feel your core drip with arousal.

“I like it when you look at me like that,” Heeseung says. He reaches for your hand and places it on his chest. You take the liberty to glide your nails down his abdomen, feeling the way he tenses underneath your touch.

“I’m really wet,” you say as you eye the tent that has grown in Heeseung’s pants.

“Are you?” he asks. “You won’t mind if I check?”

You shake your head and Heeseung takes that as a green light, his hands finding the soft fabric of your dress before pushing his hand underneath it. He whimpers when his fingers come in contact with your wet lips. It’s adorable, the way you push yourself against him to chase his lips while he fingers smear your wetness across the fabric of your panties.

“Bed,” you mumble against his lips.

He follows where you pull him, loving the way you take control when you push him onto the mattress. Heeseung distracts himself to catch his breath from the overwhelming sense of pleasure to realize that you’ve started to undo his belt buckle and take his hard cock out of his pants.

“You don’t have to—”

“I want your cock in my mouth,” you plead, looking him in the eye. “Please let me.”

You sit politely on your knees as you unbuckle Heeseung’s pants. His chest rises and falls in anticipation and he looks down at you to see that your mouth is watering at the sight of him.

He’s already fully hard; he has been since you started unbuttoning his shirt in the elevator. You spit directly onto the tip of his cock and he bites his lip at the sudden contact before watching as you swipe your hand up and down himself.

Heeseung doesn’t want to think about how you learned to do what you’re doing to him. He doesn’t want to think about the boys you’ve kissed or the people who got to see you like this before. What he does know, however, is he’s the only person from here on out who will see you on your knees if he can help it.

Your mouth envelopes the head and Heeseung emits a short grunt. The tension between you two begins to slowly dissipate as you fit more of his cock inside of your mouth. Your tongue expertly traces every ridge and vein as you push your throat down onto him, causing Heeseung to put his palms on the mattress and throw his head back.

You hum around him when he moans. He’s itching to put his hand behind your head but refuses the idea, letting you set your own pace. Heeseung watches as you switch your angle, sitting up to rest on your knees to push your head further down on him. He witnessed as you spread your legs, a choked moan coming from his throat in conjunction with a particular gag from your mouth.

There’s spit everywhere. It’s trailing down your lips and connecting to his cock when you pull yourself from his body. It’s seeping to his pants and he’s about to speak up when your motion attaches itself to his sensitive balls, licking at its warmth while your hand strokes him from atop.

“That’s it. Fuuuuck.”

He bucks his hips once and curses. Heeseung feels your mouth envelop one of his balls, the pressure of your mouth around it making him feel a kind of euphoria he didn’t know was possible. Your mouth moves to the other to give it the same treatment before retreating back to his cock. This time, your hand massages him from below as you suck on him.

When you look up at him and wink, he decides enough is enough.

“Baby,” Heeseung pants, attempting to push your head off of him. He thinks it’s so sexy that you’re turned on while giving him a blowjob. “Baby, please stop. I don’t wanna come yet.”

You oblige and take your mouth off of him with a popping sound. You sit back and Heeseung stares at you through drooping eyelids in pure shock and amazement at how you’ve managed to pull him to a near orgasm as quickly as you did.

“Come here,” he beckons with his fingers.

He attaches his mouth to yours and pushes his tongue inside of your mouth, exploring the warm, wet walls you have to offer. Heeseung decides that he loves the feeling of your tongue against his and lets you suck on the muscle.

You take your dress off to reveal sheer panties with nothing else on. Heeseung’s jaw drops at your beauty, but he also cannot believe how sexy his best friend’s body is. To him, you were sculpted from the hands of Aphrodite herself with great love and care. And it’s all for him.

“You are so fucking sexy,” he murmurs, hovering over your body to press kisses to the valley of your chest. You let his hands roam and spread your legs to make room for him.

Heeseung’s head travels back to your chest and you watch as he envelops your right nipple in his mouth. “Your tits are just perfect.”

He makes a show out of it, hands cupping your breasts to massage them as his mouth works on you. He pushes your tits together and shoves his face between them, inhaling your scent while his tongue gathers whatever taste your body gives him. Heeseung moves to your left nipple and uses his tongue to flick the hardened bud over and over again until you’re arching your chest into his mouth.

He grinds himself into your core with his pants still loose around his legs. It brings a moan out of your throat and he swallows it whole with his lips pressed firmly against yours. The friction feels delicious with the fabric of your panties against the hardness of Heeseung’s cock. He grinds against you with the help of your hips rolling into his, your natural wetness coating his cock in your essence.

Heeseung moves his head to kiss your jawline, moving his mouth all over the expanse of your neck until he kisses right below your earlobe. You let out a particularly loud moan when he does, and Heeseung curses.

“Shit. Yeah baby, make those sounds for me. Let me hear your pretty moans.”

His mouth attacks the area again and you aren’t shy about it. Your hands tangle in his hair as he kisses your neck and grinds his cock against the wet panties, which have by now molded to the shape of your pussy.

Heeseung groans at the feeling of a particularly wet gush and lifts his hips enough to elicit a whimper out of your mouth. He experimentally lifts his hips again to align himself with you as he did before. The pressure must feel so good because your mouth hangs open with your eyes boring into his.

“That’s it,” he encourages. “Does my baby feel good?” You can only nod and he doesn’t blame you. “That’s a good baby. Fuck, you’re so wet, it’s driving me crazy.”

Heeseung feels your legs wrap around him and the way your heel pushes his lower back into your core. He takes the hint and quickens his pace, wanting nothing more than to see you come for him.

“You gotta come for me now, pretty girl,” he coaxed. “You deserve to come. Won’t you do that for me?”

Heeseung is sure that he’s never seen or heard anything more erotic compared to the vision of watching you come. Your mouth opens with breathy moans as you focus on your pleasure and your eyes squeeze shut as if you’re trying to savor the moment in your mind.

“Atta girl,” Heeseung praises when your hips grind into his. He keeps himself still and lets your body take over.

You eventually come down and realize Heeseung has yet to come, but that’s the last thing on his mind. He sinks his body down to come face-to-face with your crotch and licks the come off of the soiled fabric of your panties. The sheerness gives him a sneak peek at your pussy, and he groans when he licks a slow, fat strip up your slit.

“You taste so fucking delicious, baby.” He licks at you again, faster this time. “Tastes like milk and honey.”

Heeseung kisses your wet panties over and over again, his soft lips providing jolts of pleasure. His hands roam around the soft flesh of your thighs and squeezes them as if he remembers you’re all his to touch. The feeling is one you want to commit to memory, but it seems like Heeseung knows your mind is working overtime because he reaches his hand to find yours and gives it a reassuring squeeze.

You let his hand go when he pulls it from you to slide the useless barrier down your legs and to undo the straps of your heels. He takes great care to kiss your skin tenderly, starting by your ankle and making his way down just shy of where you need him the most. Heeseung repeats the process on the other leg until he comes face to face with your glistening core, licking his lips as if he doesn’t know where to start.

“Such a pretty pussy,” he says before placing a soft kiss to your clit.

He repeats the motion, kissing your folds like they’re delicate antiquities that need to be handled with the utmost care. His lips become covered with your essence; he feels you squirm underneath him and uses the expanse of his palms to gently pry your legs open for him, soothing the soft skin of your inner thighs.

Heeseung tentatively licks your slit and decides he loves the sound of your moans when he has his mouth on you. He does it again, dragging his tongue to feel every ridge and crevice that he’s yet to explore. His mouth feels like a warm comfort with the slow pace he sets, licking you as if he’s trying to tell you how much he loves you without saying it.

“You taste divine.”

You look down below to see his hair covering his eyes and brush it away with your hands. Heeseung looks right into your soul and you feel your heart clench, causing you to roll your hips into his face. He merely buries his nose close to you until he bumps your clit with the tip, pushing his wet muscle into you deeper.

When your moans get lighter and your breathy sounds are the only audible thing in the room aside from his own moans. You open your eyes to see Heeseung humping the mattress below you. The sight is so erotic that you can’t help but let out a loud whine at the thought of Heeseung pleasuring himself while pleasuring you.

He brings his fingers to your pussy and sways his fingers back and forth until he foregoes his slow pace, favoring a faster one. He abuses your swollen clit while you can only lay there and watch him play with you. Heeseung expertly inserts his middle finger into your seeping hole and bites his lip to concentrate on getting you to come again.

“I need it,” he confesses, bringing his mouth to lick you as he adds another finger. “I need you to come for me again, baby. Can you do that for me?’

“Yes, Hee,” you pant. “I wanna come so badly.”

“You can do it, baby. You’ve been such a good girl tonight, giving me the best head and letting me make you come. I think you deserve to feel good.”

“I do,” you nod rapidly. “Fuck, I think I’m coming.”

“That’s right,” he coos, hammering his digits into you while his tongue laps up the juices leaking from your pussy. “So good. You taste so fucking good. Give it to me.”

He doesn't relent until he’s satisfied. Heeseung cleans the come from your lips as best he can while sneaking his hand to his cock, pumping himself as he tastes your orgasm on his tongue.

“You’ve crazy,” you mutter as you settle from your high, loving the feeling of Heeseung’s mouth tenderly licking you clean.

“For you.” He pulls his face away and wipes the back of his hand before pressing a kiss to your clit.

When he rises to take his pants and boxers off, he sees you with your arm covering your face.

“Are you going okay?”

“Perfect, actually,” you sigh. You remove your arm to see him with his cock in his hands and motion him to come towards the edge of the bed as you crawl on your knees before sitting upright to pull him into a searing kiss.

“That might be the hottest thing I’ve ever seen you do,” Heeseung says against your mouth. “It’s better than porn, if I’m being honest.”

You grab his cock and stroke him. “I’ll consider letting you take a video of me when we get back home if you fuck me right now.”

“Turn around,” he says after an open-mouthed kiss.

You follow his instructions and he groans to himself as you present your perfect pussy to him again. Heeseung sinks to his knees and smacks your ass before shoving his tongue into your hole. He spreads your asscheeks apart and digs his nose against you, licking up the wetness and remnants of your orgasm like it’s his last meal. His tongue licks up your body until he finds your wrinkled muscle and presses a soft kiss to your tightest hole.

The surprise comes to him when you moan softly. Your body doesn’t jerk away. Rather, you spread your legs further for him and Heeseung moans against your pussy before bringing his tongue to lick over the muscle again.

“Feels good, doesn’t it?” he asks, dipping his tongue back in.

“Better than I imagined.”

“You imagined my tongue in your ass, baby?”

You nod. “I’ve always wanted to know what that feels like.”

Heeseung doesn’t give you a verbal answer. Instead, he spits into your hole and watches it dribble down to your pussy, licking his way from your incredibly wet folds to your hole once again. He licks over the expanse with the surface of his tongue one, twice, three times before you’re whining for his cock. He wastes no time tearing open the condom and hurriedly places it on himself.

The first stretch of his cock in your pussy makes him see Heaven. The sharp gasp that comes from your mouth is music to his ears and he’s careful to sink himself into you slowly, inch by inch until you’re telling him he can go further.

His cock impales you at such a perfect angle that it has you falling to your elbows, your back arched so perfectly that he’s sure you’d be the most popular pornstar if you really wanted to be. He keeps half of his cock in you to allow you to adjust, but he underestimates just how cock hungry you are because you back yourself until he’s filling you to the brim.

“Baby’s such a slut, isn’t she?” Heeseung wonders out loud. He grins when you nod. “I love you like that. So dirty for me.”

“Only for you,” you say, cheek pressed to the mattress when Heeseung thrusts in you.

The sound of skin slapping echoes throughout the room. It doesn’t take long for your wet juices to glisten over the back of your thighs and onto Heeseung’s. His hands find purchase on your hips as he pulls your body close to him, loving the way your choked moans become muffled by the mattress below.

“So. Fucking. Tight,” he moans with detailed thrusts. “So. Fucking. Wet.”

He climbs on the bed and plants his feet on the blankets, holding your body in place as he pounds into you from above. The angle has you seeing stars and rips moan after moan from you.

Heeseung grins wickedly. “Such a fuckable body. So perfect.”

His degradation paired with praise ignites a fire inside of you. You can only moan louder to let Heeseung know exactly how he’s making you feel and you can’t help but think you deserved to be fucked exactly the way Heeseung is fucking you.

The pleasure feels like an explosion of a thousand suns. Your body is warm from the hours you’ve spent in the hotel room and your neighbors getting a good night’s sleep is the least of your concerns. Heeseung’s cock drills into you from above like he’s a sex god and it nearly brings you to tears.

He turns you over carefully until you’re laying flat on your back with your head propped against the pillows. He steals one from you and puts it underneath the small of your back to create leverage before lining up his cock with your entrance and pushing himself in again.

Heeseung thrusts like he’s got to prove just how in love with you he is. Your wanton moans fill the room with his low grunts as his cock continually hits the one spot that makes you see stars, over and over again.

But you know he could do more to make you feel better. He must notice you in deep thought because he slows his hips.

“What is it, baby?” Heeseung asks when he notices your eyebrows knit together. “Is this okay? Do you need me to stop so we can take a break?”

“Take it off,” you whisper. His hips have faltered and his pace stutters at your words.

“Take what off?”

“The condom.” Heeseung nearly chokes. “Take the condom off.”

“Baby—”

“I just wanna feel you.”

Heeseung curses and his hips automatically drill into yours at the request out of pure shock. He can’t lie to himself. He’s thought about it multiple times since you left for Europe and as he’s come to term with his feelings for you. The cute fantasies about taking you on dates to dinner or drive in theaters transform into daydreams about dirty affairs in his bedroom with his seed leaking out of your perfect hole.

Still, he doesn’t believe it.

“Please, Hee,” you plead, arching your chest towards him. “Let me feel you. Don’t you want to come inside me?”

“Fuck,” he falters, his forehead on yours. “You can’t just say that…I can’t be risky with you.”

“Yes you can.” He watches you bite your lip and feels your hands push him off of you. Heeseung doesn’t put up a fight when he slips out of your warm hole and feels your hands grip his cock, desperately trying to tug the condom off of him.

Heeseung sees the pathetic rubber in your hands when you bring it up for him to see. It’s glistening and his mouth drools at the sight, lips parting enough as if he stares at it in disbelief. He groans lowly in your ear as he peppers a few wet kisses to your neck.

You spread your legs wider in the air and grip his cock in your head, pumping him a few times before letting his bare tip rest against your hole. His sharp intake is enough to make you bite your lip.

“Pussy’s so wet,” he says against your neck, pushing an inch inside of you. “God, I could come like this.”

“You can.”

“No, baby. Gonna fuck you the way you deserve before I come.”

With that sentiment, Heeseung pushes himself inside of you until he’s fully sheathed within your walls. He relishes the way you gasp at the sudden movement and he uses this angle to his advantage, positioning his ear next to your mouth to hear your delicious sounds.

He moves his hips at such a pace that it makes you feel like your body’s bouncing on top of the soft mattress below you. Heeseung presses his chest against yours to kiss you like his life depends on it, tongue invading the privacy of your mouth but you couldn’t care less where his mouth goes. He can feel your nipples on his skin and groans into your mouth when you clench at a particularly hard thrust.

“S-So good,” you stutter against his mouth with a breathy moan. Heeseung feels your arm around his shoulders, scratching at his back. “Fuck, fuck!”

“Mhm,” he coaxed. “Such a good baby. You look so pretty underneath me.”

With a new sense of purpose, Heeseung lifts himself to push himself into you at a deeper angle. He forces his hips into you harder, your hands coming to your chest to cup your tits to give you something to hold in the meantime.

“That’s right, beautiful. Squeeze your tits for me.”

You do, pinching and twisting your nipples until you hear Heeseung moan above you. It sounds nearly animalistic, the way his throat emits a groan that sounds so primal. He sees the dirty smile you paint your mouth with and leans his head down to press a kiss to your forehead before his hand comes to your cheeks, squeezing them between my fingers.

“You like it when I fuck you like this?” Heeseung asks, hips rolling against your own pelvis. When you nod, he gives you a nasty smile of his own and gives you a few harsh thrusts for good measure before pulling himself off of your chest with his cock still inside of you.

Heeseung sits on his knees and pulls out just far enough where his hot tip remains buried inside of you, relishing in the panty breaths you emit as he watches your chest rise and fall. You look so beautiful to him with your hair messed up against the pillow beneath you and with a few faint hickeys on your chest and neck. Heeseung thinks that all of his wildest dreams could never compare to how gorgeous you look when you’re positioned directly where he wants you.

You don’t complain when he pulls out to rest his cock on your wet, bare pussy. You wince at the loss and let him slide himself up and down, biting your lip when he grazes your swollen clit over and over again.

The man above you lifts your right leg so that he can grip you tighter. You relinquish any control left in your body as Heeseung curses and kisses the side of your ankle. He dips the head of his cock inside and thrusts shallowly as if to tease, but you know he’s exploring all the way his cock looks like against your own body.

It feels euphoric. The whole affair is dirty, but it’s the kind of dirty that makes you want to do it again. It’s the kind of dirty that makes this night an event you’ll want to remember for the rest of your night because Heeseung had poured his entire heart and soul for you to take.

For Heeseung, this pleasure is less about knowing you have him permission to put himself inside you. You’ve always been so sure of yourself and your body; it’s something Heeseung has always admired about you as a person. Growing up with your insecurities of relationships and dating might’ve made you feel like a late bloomer; to Heeseung, your tendency to keep your head straight has always been a testament to how knowledgeable you are about yourself and about others. You save yourself for people who are worthy of you, and god, does he want to be worthy of you.

“I love you,” Heeseung whispers from above you. His eyes are closed and he pays no mind to the feeling your pussy gives him. Flashes of your memories stitch together like a film reel with your laughter as the soundtrack. He doesn’t think he wants to hear anything else for the rest of his life.

Just for good measure, he whispers it again. “I love you so much.”

“And I love you.”

Heeseung opens his eyes to see your tender ones, cheeks flushed from the sudden compliment. He always liked that he knew how to get you to blush when no one else couldn’t. This time, a sense of pride blooms in his chest.

“I’ll never let you down,” he confesses. “And if I do, I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”

“I know, baby.” Heeseung’s hand cups your cheek and caresses it. “I trust you.”

That’s enough for him to release your leg from his grip and pound himself into you like his life depends on bringing you to peak happiness.

Heeseung’s palms are planted firmly on either side of your body as his hips roll gracefully against yours, the hot, wet mess between the two of you splashing on both of your thighs. He watches your eyes close shut and as your back arches to relieve some of the pressure, feeling somewhat proud of himself when he watches as your hands grab at the sheets for stability.

There’s nothing that compares to watching you orgasm. Your eyebrows knit as if you’re concentrating while your mouth stands slightly ajar at the euphoric feeling of that single knot that’s threatening to come undone until it does. All of the girls he’s deluded into thinking he liked could never compare to the looks and sounds you’re making.

“That’s it,” he coaxes softly. “Cream my cock, baby. That’s a good girl.”

Heeseung feels you push and clench around him, gushing until there’s nowhere left for your come to go. He peeks down at where the two of you meet and groans when he sees his cock becoming painted in a sheer layer of white. It edges him on and the moment he locks his eyes with yours, his hips begin to stutter and he spills all he has to offer inside of you.

He comes with short breaths as if he can’t believe you’ve allowed him to do so. Your hips move up and down as if to milk him for all he’s worth while Heeseung’s trying his best to balance his body on top of yours, grateful that some of his gym workouts prevent him from completely collapsing on top of you to.

His come seeps from your bodies and he pulls out, a few droplets splattering on your pussy lips. He nudges the tip against it, smearing his paint across your canvas and marveling at the sight.

“My good girl,” he murmurs, eyes locked in at his handy work.

“I’ve never let anyone come inside of me,” you say with a fond expression. Your arm comes to brush Heeseung’s hair from his face before cradling his cheek when he looks at you in surprise.

“Really?”

You nod, biting your cheek. “Well, I always knew you were it for me. I didn’t want anyone else tainting what’s yours.”

“Mine?” he asks, catching his breath. “You mean it? You’re mine.”

“I’m yours, Hee.”

“All mine,” he mutters to himself in disbelief.

You still feel his cock working itself against you. He’s still hard, a wonder after your hours locked away in your hotel room. It makes you laugh.

“No one has ever compared to you either,” Heeseung says. He doesn’t take his eyes off of you as he continues toying with your pussy. “Even when I fooled myself into thinking I didn’t like you.”

You laugh. “Well that’s good to hear. I realized all the guys I went after while I was abroad either looked like you or reminded me of you.”

“I can confidently and stupidly say the same.”

Your laughs echo through the room. Heeseung pulls your body upright, not caring that your mixed come is leaking on his cock and his bare lap. He kisses you with tender care, lips moving at a slow pace while his hands roam over the expanse of your back while your hands are on his broad shoulders. Heeseung could live like this everyday if you’d let him.

You smile midway through when you feel his fully hardened cock against you. Heeseung apologizes quietly against your lips but feels you shake your head, pulling back to push him against the headboard until he’s comfortably seated.

He looks at your pussy when you hover above him, the white cream still sticking to you as you grip his cock. Heeseung can’t believe his eyes when he understands what you’re about to do. Before he can even think, you align yourself with his cock and sink until you’re stuffed with him.

“Shit,” he curses through his teeth.

“What good is coming inside of me if you don’t do it again and again, Hee?”

“That might be the hottest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“Oh, yeah?”

You don’t move just yet, opting to press small kisses to Heeseung’s face. You kiss his forehead, both temples, his nose, both eyelids, and the apples of his cheeks before placing a kiss to his lips.

“Before we leave, I want you to fuck me against that window,” you say, turning your head to the window that glimpses the city below.

“But people can see,” is Heeseung’s first comment.

“So?”

He chokes and when you feel his cock twitch inside of you, you can’t help but laugh at him.

“I’ve heard talk about your escapades, Lee. Why so shy with me?”

He smacks your asscheek. “Naughty girl. Didn’t know you were nasty like that.” Heeseung gives you that kind of teasing smile that has you folding for him all over again. “Alright then, humor me. What else do you want to do before we leave?”

“I’d love to give you a blowjob while we shower, too.”

“That can certainly be arranged. Anything else?”

You look around the room. “I kind of want to see you eat me out while I sit on the desk chair. Makes me think you’re some kind of secretary who’s desperate for my pussy.”

“I am desperate for your pussy,” Heeseung reminds you. “What if I’m the stone cold CEO and you’re the cute secretary whose ass I dream about?”

You seat his chest. “This is my fantasy. You can have yours when we get home.”

Heeseung raises his eyebrow. “Mm, you sure?”

“Positively,” you nod. Heeseung’s hands travel from your ass to your hips and guides you up and down his cock, letting you set the pace after the brutal first round from a few minutes prior.

“Gonna fuck you in and on my car, since you like being watched so much,” Heeseung teases. His words seem to make your pussy clench and hips move faster. He forgoes any shyness when speaking about his fantasies and spills his every thought.

“I always thought you looked so cute in your old school uniform. I’ve always wanted to take you in that skirt they gave you.”

“I’ll buy one of those sexy schoolgirl costumes and surprise you for your birthday,” you say, locking your eyes with him. “Oh, professor! Is there anything I can do to raise my grade?”

Heeseung laughs at your antics, but the images of you in the costume aforementioned makes his grip on your body tighter.

“I selfishly want to watch you suck me off while I play with the guys.” He says it in a way that makes him avert his gaze and you can see a faint blush on his face. “I-I saw this video on Twitter. It looks hot.”

“I can do that for you.” You kiss both of his burning cheeks.

“But mostly, I just want you to sit on my face. Mad at me? Sit on my face. Sad? Sit on my face. Happy to see me? Sit on my face.”

“Simp,” you grunt, thighs burning from pushing yourself on and off of Heeseung’s cock.

“And proud.” He smacks both ass cheeks again. “Now what do you say, baby? If you ride me until you come, you can blow me in the bathroom before I fuck you in front of the entirety of Paris. Can you do that for me?”

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

The next morning, you meet Heeseung and the rest of the guys in the lobby while Jay checks out on behalf of all of you. Jake’s the first to see you coming.

“You’re glowing and I don’t know if I like that.” He raises his eyebrow at Heeseung, who has pulled you into him by your waist.

“At least some of us are getting laid,” you retort. “I don’t recall seeing anyone do the walk of shame even though you had the room to yourself.”

Riki and Sunoo don’t try to contain their laughter as Jake’s cheeks turn a shade of pink. He rolls his eyes when you look at him, but shakes his head and punches your arm with your first.

“Nah, I’m really glad you two got that out of your system and worked it out.”

“You guys had major sexual tension,” Sunoo comments.

“Thank God Y/N’s room was at the end of the hall,” says Sunghoon. “I don’t know how their neighbors felt but I can sleep peacefully knowing I didn’t have to hear all of that.”

“Okay, enough,” Heeseung laughs. “We get it, we had a lot of sexual tension and now we’re fine.”

“So you guys are boyfriend-girlfriend?” Jungwon asks.

“Y/N is my girlfriend and I am her boyfriend.”

“I will key his car if he hurts you again,” Riki tells you, looking at Heeseung after he’s finished speaking. You detach yourself from his waist and bring your arms around Riki to give him a squeeze.

“Thanks, Riki.”

“Okay, we should call the cabs right now so we can get to the airport early,” Jay says from behind you.

“Jay is such a dad,” Jungwon whispers.

He pays no mind to Jungwon’s words, instead focusing on the way Heeseung pulls you into his chest. It warms his heart in ways he can’t explain.

“Congratulations, you two. Let’s go home.”

*✧･ﾟ─────────── *✧･ﾟ

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sunghoooonnn · 3 months

Text

fleeting summers by park sunghoon | (m)

♫ song : sunsetz by cigarettes after sex

summary : meeting park sunghoon in the small town your dad moved into this summer is as vibrant as the sunsets you witness. but, as summer fades away so does your time together. hopefully when the next summer comes your paths cross again under the same sunlit skies.

genre : smut, fluff, angst, sadness????? mDNi

word count : 16,450

part of the enhypen series playlist

fleeting summers

as the car winds its way through the quaint, sunlit streets of the small town, you sit in the passenger seat, your gaze fixated on the passing scenery. the town, a popular summer destination, boasts charming storefronts, and colourful welcoming banners and the air is tinged with sea salt and flowers. yet, despite the picturesque allure that surrounds you, there’s a palpable sense of reluctance lingering around you. this town, now your temporary residence for the summer, feels both enhancing and isolating.

since your parents divorce earlier this year, your dad had decided to move to this idyllic escape town that might be a dream for him, but definitely not for you. this town is a separation from the familiar comforts of your home and friends. you wish you could have spent the summer with your friends like usual. your traditions having to be failed this summer since you’ve been shipped away to stay with your father for almost two months.

the car finally turns into a narrow street lined with old wooden houses, and your new home comes into view. its rustic charm stands in stark contrast to the modern, more beachy houses that line the rest of the town. you can’t help but feel a sense of apprehension about spending the upcoming months in this solitary abode with only your dad for company.

this town may be beautiful, but the prospect of a summer away from the people and places you hold dear casts a shadow over the otherwise vibrant scene unfolding before you.

the creaking sound of the door echoes through the old house as you step inside the house, hearing your mother’s tires screech on the road as she avoids your dad. the air feels still as your dad hugs you and shows you around. you’re glad to see him, not being able to see him for months, but still, the dread of the long summer ahead of you ponders through your mind that your smile fails to show.

you walk into the room that is now yours for the next couple of months. its wooden floor echoing with every step, so different from the fluffy carpet of your bedroom back home. the walls seem to sigh, bearing the weight of countless lives that have lived here before your dad.

your gaze falls upon the bed- a new sanctuary of yours even though the mattress beneath your fingertips feels unfamiliar. it lacks the soft indentations that cradle you in the warmth and comfort of your own room. you lower yourself onto the bed, the lonely squeak of the springs accentuating the silence of the room. the sunlight filters through the thin curtains, casting a glow on the faded quilt your grandma had knitted you when you were a child.

as you lay there, staring at the wood ceiling that matches the wood walls and wood floors, a sense of displacement settles within you. the room, though quaint, holds no trace of your essence. you close your eyes, attempting to reconcile with the alien sensation of this bed that will be your haven for the upcoming weeks. there’s a certain hollowness of the room that you aren’t sure you will get used to.

the distant murmur of the town outside is a reminder that you can’t lay in this bed all summer. and that you had promised your dad you would be down for dinner soon. you sigh, filling the new, silent space that is now yours.

in the beginning days that followed your summer stay, your dad, eager to catch up with you, took it upon himself to be your guide through the town. the air of teh small diner, filled with the scent of freshly brewed coffee and the sum hum of conversation became a familiar backdrop during your dinner talks. his favourite spot, he insisted, and you observed him warmly exhacning greetings with the regulars whose faces lit up at the sight of him. you were indtrocued to the many lives that intertwined in this town.

the beach, with hits powdery sand and rhythmic waves, unfolded before you like a serene painting. seagulls swooped overhead, and the distant laughter of children created a soundtrack to the endless horizon. as you sat with your dad, the tranquility of the acne was interrupted by the approach of a man accompanied by his family. they greeted your father with familiarity and you observed them. the man’s eyes were kind as they spoke to your father and introduced his family to you.

his children were your age, his daughter, karina, was beautiful as she greeted you. her fox like eyes still gleamed against the sun as they turned upwards into a smile. she told you that you could come along with her at any time and that she’d be glad to get to know you this summer. which you agreed to, but you knew you’d rather be alone the second you saw her prance over to her large group of friends all lounging around the beach. the girls were all beautiful and thin, and the bous they hung around with were tall and tan. you knew that you wouldn’t get along with them for too long if you went over there.

your dad encouraged you to hang out with them for the entire day until the sun dipped lower on the horizon, indicating that it was dinner at the diner time and that you would not be hanging out with those kids for the day.

“i know all the kids in this town and they’re all nice, y/n, why don’t you give them a chance?” your dad asks as you walk up to the diner. “what’re you gonna do? hang out with me for the rest of the summer?”

“yes.”

your dads amused scoff mixes with the diner door’s bell chime as he opens the door, letting you walk past him and to the usual booth you both liked to sit at, finishing the conversation for the night.

in the subsequent days, your peripheral vision became a constant observer of karina and her friends. their laughter and presence frequently echoed against the backdrop of the town. the beach transformed into their playground whenever they stepped foot onto it. they played games on the busy boardwalk, their animated voices and screames carrying in the salty breeze.

karina with her too sweet of a smile, repeatedly extended invitations for you to join their exploits. yet, an inexpeclicable hiestance rooted itself deep within you, an unshakable feeling that resisted the allur of their friendly gestures. your ad, ever optimistic, insisted that they were good kids and that you should hang out with them. despite the reassurances, a sense of skepticism lingered like a shadow in your heart.

you observed from a distance, a silent spectator to their adventures that stretched from the dawn’s first light to the quiet hours of the night.

as the sun dipped down once again, and the town’s lights flickered to life, you wrestled with conflicting emotions. karina’s smile clashed with the disquiet that nestled in your thoughts. the balance of trust and apprehension teetered on the edge, leaving you perched on the sidelines before drifting off to sleep.

amidst the lively chatter and laughter that enveloped the beach, you at in solitude, your eyes tracing the rhythmic dance of the waves. the distant sounds of games and talking washed over you, but your attention was anywhere but. you had become quite good at ignoring everyone around you.

but as you glance to your left just once, your attention is drawn away to the presence of a lone figure sitting under a beach umbrella. a boy, seemingly ignoring everyone around him as well was immersed in the world of whatever book he was so intently reading.

he sat on a faded beach chair, an air of quiet confidence surrounding him as he turned the pages of the book that was sprawled open on his lap. The sun cast a gentle glow on the tendrils of his dark black hair, and the slight furrow of his thick browns hinted at the intensity with which he absorbed the words on the pages. his isolation mirrored yours, a shared desire for solace amidst the lively backdrop of the beach.

intrigued, you asked your dad who the boy with the book was.

you noticed his hesitant pause as he acknowledged the boy, his eyes briefly meeting yours before averting away, “that’s park sunghoon,”

you hum, “what’s he like?”

“he’s quiet, keeps to himself. but his family is nice, and well, they’re super rich.”

a smirk spread across your face in amusement at the hesitant introduction.

“and why doesn’t he hang out with the others?”

your dad shrugged, “he’s just like that, likes to be by himself.”

you go back into your own world until dusk starts approaching. as the sky starts to become painted with hues of amber and lavender, you reluctantly withdrew from the solace of your thoughts on the beach. walking alongside your dad, the grains of sand clung to your bare feet as you made your way to the diner once again.

glancing back towards the beach, your eyes inadvertently met those of the boy named park sunghoon. a mild surprise tinged your otherwise inscrutable expression, his gaze unwavering as you held it. a silent acknowledgement passing between you two. his eyes, dark and unreadable, seemed to mirror the guarded emotions you concealed with your own.

you held eye contact until you turn away, your dad seamlessly diverting your attention to the impending decision of dinner plans. park sunghoon’s face remained in your head for the entirety of dinner, having to restrain yourself from asking your dad more about park sunghoon and his family.

the next time you saw park sunghoon was in the early morning, when most of the town still slept. the sleepy streets were apinted in hues of soft pastels and the distant murmur of the ocean mingled with the quiet footsteps of the early risers. as you walked towards teh cafe to get your dad and your usual coffee for breakfast, smiling to the locals that knew your father, your attention waas drawn to a tall figure in the distance, moving with large steps towards the beach.

park sunghoon’s silhouette, etched against the backdrop of the waking town, exuded a quiet elegance. now that he was standing you could see how tall the boy was as his long strides carried him to the ocean. the morning sun, casting a golden glow on the surroundings, danced upon his tousled hair as if he had just gotten out of bed two minutes ago.

you watched him until you couldn’t see him anymore, disappearing into different parts of town. you let yourself wonder why park sunghoon would be up so early, headed straight to the ocean, knowing that the other residents wouldn’t be there for at least another hour. there was an allure around him in the way he navigated the early hours. you wondered if he thought the world belonged to him as he headed to the beach alone.

you didn’t see him again until later in the week.

your room was light from the morning, coaxing you out of the embrace of your dreams. as you lingered in that hazy realm between sleep and wakefulness, your dad’s voice cut through the morning stillness as he ripped your blanket off of you.

“hey, sleepyhead,” he laughs at your surprise, “i’m tired of you spending the whole summer holed up inside or hanging with me.” with your mumbled response he continues, “there’s a local book fair this afternoon and you’re going whether you like it or not.”

a sigh escaped you as you half heartedly agreed and pulled your blanket back up to your chin. you snuggled back into your pillow, the prospect of leaving your cozy cocoon feeling like a monumental task. you hear your dad chuckle and say how much fun you’re going to have before leaving your room, leaving you to your drowsy thoughts.

the book fair wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be. as you wandered through the rows of stands and the smell of aged paper, you found yourself in a literary haven. there were various genres of books, both familiar and unknown. some titles sparked recognition and you found yourself drawn to the worn spines of used books. the newer books they offered were appealing, but not as interesting to you as your fingers traced over the covers.

you’re in the quiet corner of the book fair, hidden among the bookshelves as you read over the titles in front of you.

“read it?”

you were so deep in thought that you didn’t even notice the boy next to you until he spoke. your eyes meet the eyes of park sunghoon and he smiles with a hint of cockiness dulled by the lack of volume in his voice. he’s there, standing in front of you. his black, messy hair is pushed back, casually tucked behind his ears and he’s wearing a hoodie that seems to be as born as the pages of the book surrounding him. you imagine that you share a similar exhausted look, despite his cockiness infiltrating.

his smile makes you feel nervous, but the type that makes you comfortable at the same time. it’s almost familiar and oddly pleasant. it takes you a moment for you to register his question, a nod towards the book tucked under your arm. the paperback of a copy of richard brautigan’s “in watermelon sugar,”, which she had forgotten she had picked up.

“yeah, brautigan. have you?”

“for a book report. it was interesting, but kind of played out and too idealistic.”

“well he wrote about love and life in a way that feels magical.”

“there’s no magic in real life.”

you frown slightly, “it’s about finding magic in simplicity, in the sweet things that you might miss if you don’t pay attention.”

sunghoon smirks, “idealistic.”

“optimistic.”

both of you have stepped closer to each other as you spoke. you stand there in the aisle, a conversation between the strangers that feels oddly intimate as you argue over the meaning of ‘in watermelon sugar’. you wonder if he’s going to debate further or if those will be the last words you hear from park sunghoon.

“i’m sunghoon.”

“y/n.”

the town has never been particularly peaceful. even at night, when majority of the locals have scampered back to their homes and the neighbourhood is shrouded in silence. the beach remains alive with activity. a small beach party, the boardwalks arcade games, the distant sound of a car driving by. you have grown accustomed to the constant chaos over the few days you’ve known park sunghoon. your neighborhood back home is usually quiet and empty, everyone absorbed into their very private, quiet lives.

you and sunghoon find yourselves sitting atop the large rock sunghoon had shown you the day of the book fair. it looks over the glittering boardwalk across the beach. the sun has almost vanished, the sunset that once gleamed over your bodies is gone. you watch the scatter of people along the shore.

you are wrapped in sunghoon’s oversized towel, much fluffier than the ones you own. your hair is still damp from swimming in the ocean earlier. the scent of saltwater surrounds the both of you. sunghoon keeps glancing at you from the corner of his eye, noticing something new about you every time.

you’ve grown comfortable with each other through the past week. like you’re a sanctuary for one another, finding solace in the time you spend together and away from your families. neither of you have discussed their hesitance to truth others, a silent understanding forged into the solace you’ve found.

sunghoon has inherited his wariness from his family. who bestowed upon him a life of luxury but also a legacy of disdain. he’s mentionned that his father was an influential figure in business and was more absent than present.

but sunghoon, despite his affluent background, hates the burden of his wealth and family. he’s spoken about how stifling his parent’s expectation of him are. the emptiness that accompanies the privilege he knows he should be grateful for. though, it’s a life he never asked for. true friendships elude him; those around him are acquaintances drawn to the park name and the facade he’s expected to maintain.

you speak, breaking the silence between you two ontop of the rock, “do you ever wish you could escape all this?”

sunghoon shrugs, exhaling a puff of smoke that you hate. he told you he smokes just because his parents hate it, too. “everyday. the money, the expectations, my future is basically set for me and i have no choice of it. it’s suffocating. i want to be normal.”

“college is normal. can’t you escape there?”

“i don’t know. my brother’s in college and he hates it. my parents are constantly nagging at him to get the highest of all grades. i just think it’ll be more chaotic.”

“plenty of girls at college, and all the parties you could want.”

“i’m done with parties,” sunghoon speaks with a certain resolve in his tone, “i’ve gone to too many and they’re all the same boring shit.”

“but the girls wouldn’t be so bad,” you tease him, almost challenging him to agree. a part of you resents the way you sound, but the other part wants to hear his answer.

“whatever. i think you’re forgetting that i’m a park, y/n, i could have any girl i want.”

you laugh at his sudden cockiness that never seems to fade. it’s a refreshing change from the sunghoon who is pessimistic and secretive. it makes you happy to know that there are other sides of him that he hasn’t quite shown you yet.

“right, a real heartthrob.”

sunghoon nudges your shoulder with his, “oh c’mon, don’t act like you haven’t heard all the girls talking about me.”

“shut up, hoon.”

you lay back on the rock, sunghoon’s towel still around your shoulders. there’s a sudden squeal underneath you from the shore. a group of teens, the ones that you recognize as karina’s friends run along the beach, laughing as one of the boys picks up a girl and swings her around on his shoulder. you glance to sunghoon’s face, who’s watching the group as he walk further away. his expression is desolate as he takes a final puff of his cigarette before exhaling and smushing it against the rock underneath him and speaks,

“come on, let’s go. i’m tired of this rock for the night.”

you wake up early in the morning, half expecting sunghoon to be sitting on your balcony waiting for you. but you realize he doesn’t usually wake up for another half hour. it’s become a routine to follow sunghoon out onto the beach early in the morning, before anyone else can get there. outside is light blue as the sun starts to rise for the day.

you think about how yours and sunghoon’s worlds are so different. he was born into a life you could only ever dream of within your humble roots. his family’s summer mansion sits on the hill of the town, a beacon o luxury you know you could never afford in this life time.

but, when both of you are together, those disparities dissolve.

both of you yearn for an escape from this mundane town. the quiet rebellion against the expected paths tht your amily controls of you. you so wish to go back home, and sunghoon wishes he had a place to call home. the dreams of a different life connect you.

just as you’re about to fall into another deep sleep, the embodiment of your desire to escape speaks, “wake up.” your eyes open and meet sunghoon’s, who’s standing above you beside your bed, “let’s go.”

later in the day, you and sunghoon are sunbathing on towels at the beach. the sand underneath your feet as you close your eyes and let the sun hit your body. sunghoon is beside you, reading whatever book has his mind captured now. you think that this is perfect, if you could spend everyday of being in this small town like this, you wouldn’t complain as much. a bird flies over your head and squawks out to the others.

“hey, sunghoonie,” a voice greeted him, “and y/n,” you look up to see karina standing over top you two. her long black hair sleek as she smiles so strongly. “what are you up to?”

you shifted, propping yourself up on your elbows as sunghoon remained engrossed in his book, his attention unwavering, “just sitting here, what’s up?”

a mischievous look glints in her eye as you speak, “well, i wanted to invite you both to a little party i’m throwing on friday night. it’s going to be so much fun!”

you exchanged a quick glance with sunghoon, who remained immersed in his reading, seemingly unfazed by the invitation. “oh, well we’ll think about it, thanks.” you replied, a noncommittal tone in your voice.

karina, undeterred, leaned down a bit closer, her gaze shifting towards sunghoon, “oh come on sunghoonie. you’ve got to come, it’ll be a blast, you know how much we miss hanging out with you.” her voice came out as a purr, a flirtatious edge in her words that put you on edge.

sunghoon, however, kept his focus on his book, his response a mumble of ‘whatever’. he seemed impervious to karina’s attempts at charm, an air of indifference surroudning him in her presence.

you couldn’t help but smile at sunghoon’s unyeildeing composure, “we’ll see, karina.”

but karina wouldn’t stand down. with a playful nudge to sunghoon’s foot with her own and a subtle wink that you’re sure you were suppose to see, she insised, “you better come sunghoonie. it won’t be the same without you.” before sauntering away, leaving your toweled area.

as she disappeared from view you chuckled, “sunghoonie?”

“shut up.”

you don’t miss the quick smile on sunghoon’s lips before you lay back on your towel. you think about karina’s words, how sunghoon must have hung out with that group before. it would be no surprise to you if you hadn’t talked about the obnoxious group multiple times. you know sunghoon is secretive and keeps to himself, but karina seems to have known him too well for your liking.

it’s something that bothers you for the rest of the day and sunghoon can’t help but notice. when you’re both sitting atop the rock that you’re usually on when the sun starts to dip into the ocean and he’s peeking over at you when he thinks you’re not noticing, he asks,

“what’s on your mind?”

“nothing.”

sunghoon sighs at your answer, knowing that something in fact is but he doesn’t want to pressure you. he’s grateful that you never pressure him, never put any expectations on him like everyone else does. to you, he’s just sunghoon– nothing else.

“how’d you know something is on my mind?”

sunghoon smirks at your question, but doesn’t turn to look at you, only lights another cigarette that he knows you’re going to complaint about, “because we’ve been together everyday for weeks now– i know when something is bothering you.”

you sigh and sit up so you’re shoulder to shoulder with sunghoon and have to unfortunately smell his cigarette.

“i didn’t know you hung out with karina and them.”

sunghoon shrugged, “i mean, we all grew up in the same town, i would have to at some point.”

you try not to show your discontent with his answer. you turn your head away from him and watch the ocean with him. his smoke mixing with the clouds as you listened to the water hit the shore below you.

“did you and karina date?”

sunghoon scoffs at your question, pure shock spreading on his face, “what? no! never.”

you roll your eyes at his answer and lay back down onto his towel. you listen to his laugh as he can’t believe your question. you try to ignore the red heat filling up your cheeks at his reaction.

when the sound of the waves is the only sound between you again, sunghoon’s body stiffens as he continues to smoke. he glances over at your figure, your arm covering your face with a small frown on your lips that makes his heart clench.

“the idea of me and karina dating bothered you?”

“shut up.”

“i mean, why would you even think that?”

“well sorry, i thought you were the self-proclaimed heartthrob of the town.” you raise your hands in the air.

sunghoon chuckles, “but why would i date her?”

your voice comes out as a whisper next, half hoping that he wouldn’t hear it, “because she’s beautiful.”

sunghoon indeed hears it as you speak from behind him. his eyes stay set on the ocean in front of him. the sun had gone down half an hour ago, leaving the town’s lights to fill up the place for it. you smushes his cigarette against the rock, letting out a deep exhale as he does so. your words make him wonder what you really think about him.

when you think sunghoon is about to call it a night by the way he finishes his cigarette, his words stop you from moving to pack up your things, “ever been skinny dipping?”

“what? no?”

“me neither. wanna do it?”

“right now?”

sunghoon scoffs as he stands up, “yeah, c’mon.”

before you can realize, sunghoon is dragging you down from the rock and around it, towards the ocean and away from the shores eyes. he ignores your protests as you’re forced to follow him, his hand on your wrist controlling where you go. he held a mischievous glint in his eyes as he tugged you closer to the water. the water looked like silk as he it brushed against the shore. the moonlight twinkled against it, making a path of light to draw you in.

sunghoon’s hand dropped from you wrist as you both stood on the beach, the water just reaching your feet everytime it hit the shore. sunghoon’s smile was usually contagious, but now you were more nervous than anything to smile.

“i can’t sunghoon.”

“you can! it’ll be fun!” you shook your head no at his encouragement, “but if you don’t want to it’s fine.” you relax, ready to suggest something else you and him can do instead for the rest of the night. “i’ll just do it by myself.”

despite your confused exclaim, sunghoon’s hands move to pull his shirt off of his body. his pale skin soaking in the moonlight as his bright smile gleams at you.

“it’ll be fun and i wanna try.” sunghoon shrugs as he starts to untie his bathing suit bottoms.

“oh my god,” you cover your eyes, not being able to believe what he’s doing right now.

“up to you if you don’t wanna see the heartthrobs body.” sunghoon teases in a sing song voice.

“i absolutely do not.”

you hear sunghoon scoff and shuffle his clothes around. you make sure to keep your fingers over your eyes, ignoring the voice in your head wanting to look. because even though you would never admit it; sunghoon is a heartthrob. you’re very aware of how attractive he is and how every girl in this town fights for a chance to even look at him. but he’s you’re friend, even if sometimes it feels like more.

hearing water splashing around symbolizes that sunghoon is making his (naked) way through the water. and not too long after sunghoon calls out to tell you that the “coast is clear” and that you can look.

cautiously, you remove your fingers from your eyes and look straight ahead, meeting sunghoon’s through the meters of water and sand inbetween you.

“how’s it feel?”

“like i’m having a bath in a big bathtub.”

you watch him for a bit, swimming around in the dark water. despite sunghoon’s constant complaints about the town, you knew he absolutely loved the water. you couldn’t ignore the grand smile on his face everytime he swam. but, his smile was never as big as it was then. as he swam around the ocean naked, with just your presence around him. you watched as he used the water to push back his black hair, revealing his foreheard that you would only see while he swam. you always thought he looked the most beautiful when he swam. he seemed to be more peaceful and less tense.

“you sure you won’t come in? the water’s so nice.” his voice echoes across the water and against the rocks. he watches you as you trace your finger in the sand beside you, drawing whatever shapes come to your mind. “it’d be more fun if you came in.”

you sigh, knowing that you’re about to give in to the heartthrob’s begging. and you hate knowing that he knows you’re giving in to him by the annoying smirk on his face. “you better turn around or else the heartthrob may become a creep.” you hear sunghoon’s laugh as he does in fact turn around, telling you that his eyes are closed under his hands that he’s placed on top of them just be sure.

trying to set your anxiousness aside, you start to peel off your shorts and bathing suit. you feel the warm, night air blow against your entire body as you stand on the beach. your clothes are in a pile beside sunghoon’s. you slowly start to ease your way into the ocean, watching the back of sunghoon’s head as you make your way to him. the water is surprisingly warm as you glide through it. you stop when you’re a meter away from him.

“you can turn around now.”

you're met with sunghoon’s goofy grin. he keeps his eyes locked on your face, taking in your features as it reflects the water and moon. the tips of your hair are sunken into the water, while the top is still dry. he can’t help but think how beautiful you are right now, in a way he knows you won’t understand.

“how’s it feel? just like i said it would?” he’s answered with a splash of water and a ‘shut up’ from you. “c’mon, let’s swim.”

and so you follow him, both of you laughing and teasing eachother as you swim through the ocean at night. you can see the town’s lights from afar. the boardwalks’ lights of the arcades and rides flashing as the residents play around. you and sunghoon aren’t too far away from other people, but it feels like it’s just the two of you for miles.

when the water turns cold, under the cold moon, you and sunghoon float on your backs. your hands accidentally touch eachother’s as you let the waves control your body, but neither of you mind, and instead welcome eachother’s touches. you wonder what you two look like to moon who is hovering over you in full. maybe flowers, with all of your limbs spread out wide, enjoying the water you were subsided in.

“i’ve never felt this free before. it’s like i’m being exactly who i am, without any masks or expectations.”

your eyes glance over at sunghoon as he speaks. you can tell that he’s being genuine, the serious expression on his face as he keeps his head pointed upwards to the night sky.

“i get that. there’s nothing else around right now, so.”

“yeah, but it’s you– you make me feel seen and understood. it’s liberating, you know?”

sunghoon’s gaze meets your own, and there was a softness, an unspoken understanding. the sound of the ocean became a symphony, a gently lullaby that underscored the vulnerability of the shared sentiments. your hair was kissed by the moonlight, a smile on both of your lips as you spoke truths.

sunghoon reached for your hand, your fingers dancing across each other’s purposefully.

“karina’s beautiful, sure, but with you, it’s so much different. it’s like your beauty is timeless, and not just in the way you look, but in the way you make me feel.”

you think for a second he’s drank too much salt water for the day. and you want to push him off and tease him like you usually do, but his fingers wrapped around yours so strongly tell you that you shouldn’t. his eyes held honesty and gratitude as he looked into yours. you had so many thoughts racing through your head, struggling to get out.

“you’re beautiful, too, sunghoon.”

the walk back to your dad’s house was wrapped in a comfortable quietude, the rhythmic sound of their footsteps harmonizing with the distant sound of crickets.

sunghoon’s gaze, laden with the memories of tonight, occasionally meets yours as you traverse the familiar path. the connection between you has changed with an unspoken understanding that doesn’t demand words.

you both stop at the front door of your dad’s house. you and sunghoon were side by side, and share a quiet acknoelwedment that their night was now ending. you’re picking at your cuticles as you gently sway back and forth, trying to occupy yourself under sunghoon’s gaze.

“good night, y/n.”

“night, hoon.”

before he steps away, he leans in, placing a gentle kiss on your temple, a sweet punctuation to their night. he turns with a final smile as you back up into the house, closing the door.

you watch him as he makes his way home down the steet. the moon casted a soft glow on his silhouette as he got farther and farther out of sight. you couldn’t help but smile. that night may have been over, but you knew you’ll see him again the next day. the echoes of his laugh and the touch of his lips on your skin promise you sweet dreams as you crawl into your bed, under the cozy covers in the town you once swore you hated.

on friday night, you and sunghoon were in karina’s family mansion. it felt like crossing into another realm where the music pulsated in the beautiful, large house. it was so much different than any other house you had ever been in.

sunghoon’s reluctance to attend was palpable, yet the allure of your company prompted him to step into the grandeur of karina’s world. the mansion, a labyrinth of echoing laughter and vibrant lights, held the promise of a night that would clash with the usual transquility you and sunghoon had grown accustomed to.

in the corner of the expensive, expansive living room, amidst the huge crowd that had also been invited, you and sunghoon were settled into a quiet cocoon of your own. the atmosphere was charged with frenetic energy of partiers, but you and sunghoon found comfort in each other’s presence. you thought maybe sunghoon was already so comfortable since he had been in this house before. he had known all the other people dancing and drinking around. meanwhile you, knew nobody and were in an unfamiliar place.

though, sunghoon found it charming the way you were so curious about the party, the house and the people. his once skeptical eyes softened as he observed you. he admired you in a way he’s never admired anyone. you wanted to experience the party, but still chose to keep to yourself, with him. sunghoon with stoic demeansor, and you with a subtle glow than formed an oasis of tranquility he had allowed himself to enter whenever he was with you.

through the loud music and large crowd, karina made her way to the two of you. though, she only addressed sunghoon at first. when sunghoon didn’t cave in to her mischievous greeting, a new sly smirk grew on her face as she turned to you instead.

“we’re about to start a drinking game. wanna join?”

“no thanks, we’re good.”

you nudged sunghoon at his answer, hating the way he always answered for you.

“sure, karina, why not.” you tell her, wanting to see what games the people in this town really played. you ignored sunghoon’s glare in the back of your head as he follow you and karina to the large group of people settled upon the couches in the living room. you could tell sunghoon was concerned, but was hiding it with annoyance as he tried to tune out karina’s voice.

you sat on one of the couches, sunghoon standing behind you on the other side of it. he kept his cup close to his mouth as he continued to drink almost angrily. karina explained the rules of the game to everyone, making sure all the players understood before she rolled the dice.

you kept up with the rules and the game, moving your piece alongside the board everytime it was your turn and drinking or taking a shot when you needed to. you almost forgot sunghoon was behind you with all the commotion and concentration brought on by the drinking board game.

each round of the board escalated with intensity. you found yourself navigating the fine line between the thrill of the game and the underlying currents of karina’s mischeif. you didn’t realize that the other players of the game had formed alliances as each turn was taken. you missed karina’s sly smile as she made sure everyone took their shots, heightening the levels of intoxication of everyone, but especially you.

the room started to echo more with the clinking of glasses and boisterous cheers of others players. you started to sway slightly, beginning to feel the effects of teh deliberate excess of alcohol pushed onto you by karina. not being able to control your body completely anymore, you let your back hit the couch, your head lulling back to rest on the couch. there, you made eye contact with sunghoon who had stood behind you the entire time you played the game.

as soon as sunghoon made eye contact with you, he could tell how wasted you had gotten compared to everyone else. he was already on edge with the amount of times karina had told you that it was your turn to take a shot. that she was telling you to take a shot when you weren’t even suppose to.

“alright, that’s enough,” sunghoon declared, his voice cutting through the crowd. his eyes locked onto you with a steel determination of getting you out of here.

karina, feigning innocence, looked taken aback when sunghoon started helping you up. “what’s wrong sunghoonie? we’re just having some fun. it is a party after all.”

“fun shouldn’t come at the cost of someone’s well being. so c’mon y/n, we’re leaving, and we are never coming back, karina.”

with a steady arm around your waist, sunghoon guided you away from the chaotic party. the air outside, crisp and refreshing, offered a stark contrast to the sweaty, crowd inside.

the night air seemed to revive you the farther you got away from the party and the closer you got to sunghoon’s house. his grop remained on you, protective and reassuring and conveyed a silent promise to shield you from hurting yourself due to karina’s actions.

as you walked through the dimly lit streets of the town, sunghoon’s large house ontop of the hill emerged. away from the raucous mansion that belong to karina. sunghoon’s steps were deliberate and measured, just wanting to guide you safely.

sunghoon managed to bring you up to his bedroom quietly, both of you smiling sheepishly as you passed the head maid who took care of him as a child. you ascended the large staircase the lead to his bedroom. the hallways had tall, perfect walls that held photographs of the family.

you couldn’t help but gasp when you saw sunghoon’s bedroom and the amount of space it held. the room exuded an air of affluence, the dimensions vast and adorned with subtle touches of opulence. the walls, painted in muted tones, cradled the room’s large windows that allowed the moonlight to cascade gently onto the plush furnishings.

your eyes lingered on all the details– the elegant furniture, the soft glow of ambient lighting, and the artful arrangement of items that spoke of a meticulous sense of style. but you couldn’t help but realize that it didn’t seem like sunghoon at all, despite his name being on the awards showcased on the shelf in the corner. it was nothing like how you would imagine sunghoon to decorate a room.

sunghoon settled you onto his bed, the plushness beneath you seemed to embrace you with a silent invitation to unwind. the linens, luxurious and inviting made you feel like you were in a hotel.sunghoon made sure the blanket was up to your chin, before he brushed a strand your hair behind your ear. he slowly started to back up, feeling as if he should go now that you were safe in his bed.

but your hand grabbed onto his wrist, stopping him.

“stay,”

sunghoon and you layed side by side in his bed, your heads facing his high, posh ceiling. you could feel your hands being only centimeters apart at your sides, but neither one of you made an effort to connect them. an almost shy feeling taking over both of you as you layed in his bed. both of you could tell that the other was still awake.

“how’re you feeling?”

“better. less drunk.”

“i’m sorry karina tricked you into drinking more, if i knew–,”

“it’s fine, i should’ve been paying more attention.”

a beat of silence took over his room once again.

“thanks for taking care of me, hoon.”

you hear sunghoon gulp beside you. neither one of you moving to look at eachother as you speak. you tell yourself to take a breath before you force yourself to move your hand to intertwined your fingers with his. instantaneously, both of your heads turned to face each other.

now, you could see just how handsome sunghoon looked. his hair was messy against his pillow. his cheeks flushed a colour of red from the alcohol he had drank earlier. his pale skin was gleaming in the moonlight that the large windows let in. you could smell his laundry detergent so clearly that it was almost as intoxicating as the alcohol you had drank.

without thinking, probably thanks to alcohol, you pressed a kiss into sunghoon’s temple as he did yours the night before. it was all you could think about. his plush, pink, lips against your skin. you wanted more. you couldn’t stop staring at his lips all day today, and you’re sure he could tell.

pulling away from his temple, you stay only centimeters away from his face. looking down at him to take in his reaction. his eyes were serious as they bore into yours, unlike the playful look he had given you last night after he had kissed your own temple.

just as you decide to shy away and regret your action, sunghoon is pressing his lips against yours. his eyes are closed and his pursed lips press onto your shocked ones.

before you can kiss back, he’s pulling away from you, head laying on his pillow again. you only take a second before you’re pressing your lips against his this time.

the kiss is passionate and longing. both of you have been wanting this and both of you know it. you found yourself so utterly, and completely drawn to sunghoon as you mesh your lips together. this simple kiss encapsulated so many emotions; exploring a new desired connection, the vulnerability woven into the fabric of the oment. it was a subtle revelation of emotions that surpassed the need for explicit articulation.

as you parted, the unspoken understanding lingered in the air. the roomnow charged with the afterglow of your shared kiss.

you didn’t break eyecontact and kept your faces only mere inches apart. sunghoon could physically see the need boiling up in your eyes as you continued to stare at him. he could feel his own stomach start to coil with the thought of having you. finally fulfilling the thought he’d been pushing to the back of his mind for weeks.

“stop looking at me like that.”

“like what?”

you didn’t recognize your voice when you questioned him. your voice usually calm and low had turned into a higher mewl.

“like,” sunghoon scoffed, “you wanna go further.”

“i do.”

“but you’re drunk.”

“so are you.”

sunghoon could feel his attempt at descalating the conversation fading with each quick answer you gave him.

“please hoon, i like it when you take care of me.”

with that, sunghoon forgot every apprehension as he slammed his lips against yours again. this time the kiss was more feverish, the passion soaring through both of you as you kept up the fast pace of the kiss. his hand comes up to grab your face, keeping it still as he makes out with you. you don’t fight for dominance as you let his tongue enter your mouth. as you swirl your tongues together, exploring each other’s mouths for the first time, you let your hand run down his shirt covered chest, stopping at the waist band of his pants.

sunghoon suddenly grabs your waist, pulling you ontop of him. your knees are on other side of his hips. your hair dangling down as you have to look down at him. sunghoon places his hand around your neck, squeezing gentle to make you gasp out before he trails his hand down slowly, all the way from your neck, your chest, stopping at the bottom hem of your shirt. his warm thumb rubs slow circles on the exposed skin of your stomach, making you shiver.

“you’re gonna let me take care of you like a good girl?” sunghoon’s voice is deep as he asks you, his brown eyes staring right into yours through his blank bangs that have fallen over them. he looked so good underneath you.

you nodded, your eyes innocent with your answer. sunghoon’s hand landed on your neck, squeezing again. his eyes tense when he speaks again, “use your words princess.”

“y-yes, i’ll be a good girl for you.”

“good girl for who?”

“for you, sir.”

sunghoon’s grip on your neck loosened, liking the sound of your answer.

“take your shirt off for sir.”

you don’t hesitate, your hands grabbing the bottom of your shirt and raising it over your head, dropping it off onto his floor beside you. your bikini top is tight to your chest. you watch the way sunghoon’s licks his lips as his hands go behind your back, untying your bikini to let it drop right off of you.

you don’t feel exposed or bare as sunghoon marvels at your chest. his eyes scanning from one breast to the other to your face and back again,

“fuck, you’re so beautiful, princess,” sunghoon compliments you as he sits up, his mouth pressing open mouthed kisses on your neck, “wish you could see yourself how i see you.” you whine at his words, hating how he knows you so well. hating how he knows all your insecurities and how much he loved them.

his fingers find your nipples, squeezing them gently, testing how well you respond to it. he’s pleased when you arch your back into his chest, wanting more. he pulls and tugs on them harder, loving how you start to squirm. when he presses kisses into your neck you throw your head to the side, letting him have as much room as he needs. his lips that you wanted to kiss so bad feel like heaven on your neck.

sunghoon’s hands grip your waist, guiding you to move back and forth across his crotch. you whimper at the first feeling of the friction. your skirt has ridden up, so your bathing suit bottoms are on display as you rub your core against his cortch. you can feel how hard his cock is inside his pants.

sunghoon keeps his mouth on your nipples as you start to pick up your pace grinding down onto him. you alternate switching your hips from going back and forth to circling around.

“fuck you’re so good at that, baby. making sir feel so good.”

sunghoon keeps your close to him by keeping his hand on your back. he’s almost possessive with your body, not wanting it to go anywhere, like it belongs to him. and for tonight, you’ll let him own your body. he’s making you feel so good, finding all your sweet spots on your neck and chest.

“that’s right, rub back and forth over that hard cock.”

you whine out his name, your head thrown back. sunghoon’s free hand covers your mouth, stopping you from being too loud. he mumbles a ‘be quiet’ into your skin as he sucks on it, leaving pink marks and saliva all over your neck, chest and tits.

sunghoon starts to rub you back and forth over his cock, leaving you with no control over your own body. you’re gripping onto his shoulders as you let him do as he pleases, using your body to get both of you to feel good.

“kiss me,” your simple demand is quiet in his room as you both grind against each other feverishly.

sunghoon presses his swollen lips against yours. you feel how wet his mouth is, happily taking his spit and lips into your mouth. you’re already addicted to his taste.

sunghoon could feel your nails grip into his shoulder harder, leaving marks but he didn’t care. he could tell that you were close to your climax. he started to grind his hips upwards against yours. shoving his hand over your mouth to muffle your moan.

“you gonna cum, princess? gonna show sir how well he takes care of you?”

“yes, sir, please don’t stop. ‘m so close.”

sunghoon doesn’t stop, wanting to see you cum so bad. he’s thought about it for weeks. thought about how you would sound, look and taste. he watches as you struggle to keep your eyes open. your mouth wide open as your hips don’t stop grinding down. the friction becoming too much for your little clit as he drags your hips against his.

“cum for me princess, that’s right, that’s right.”

with his encouragement you throw your headback one last time, his hand covering your mouth roughly to quiet you. your body starts to shake on top of his as your orgasm washes over you. your clit spasming from the friction of your bathing suit and his jeans. your arms go weak and your chest collapses onto his.

“fuck, sir.” you whimper out, your body still on adrenaline as your orgasm fades.

“that was so good, baby. did so well for me.” sunghoon praises you. he presses soft kisses into your neck, different from how rough and harsh he was kissing and sucking only minutes ago.

you look down ands ee the wet mess you had left on his jeans, almost embarrassed until sunghoon groaned at the sight.

“nade such a mess on sir, baby.” you notice his hard bulge still in his pants, your eyes innocent as you look back to his. his eyes are soft as he watches you, his hands gentle as they push your hair out of your face.

“you didn’t cum yet sir?”

sunghoon shrugs, “don’t need to, watching you was enough.”

“wanna see you cum, though.”

before sunghoon can disagree more, you’re pulling his cock out of his pants. it’s red and hard. the veins are protruding as his cock is so stimulated from the friction of your hips from before.

“spit on it.”

you do as sunghoon demands. letting a long string of saliva meet his tip from your mouth. he groans out your name as he feel sthe warm liquid meet his hard cock.

he takes his cock from your grip, starting to jerk his own cock up and down, staring right at your worn out face, saliva coerd chst and hard nipples that he had sucked and bit on.

“you wanna taste my cum, princess?”

his words make your stomach coil again, feeling the pleasure, desire and need build up again as you watch sunghoon jerk himself off in front of you. his arm is almost lazy as he pulls on his cock with your saliva as a lubricant. his head is thrown back against the headboard as he watches you, scans your body.

“yes, sir, please. ‘ve been thinking about your taste for weeks.”

sunghoon smiles at your answer, loving the way you’re so honest with him all the time. his smile makes you weak at the knees so you’re grateful you’re still straddling his lap.

“g, gonna cum in a sec, baby.”

“do it sir, wanna watch you cum so bad.”

with a few more tugs on his cock, sunghoon hit his orgasm. he threw his head back and let out deep groans that you knew you would never forget. youor eyes were switching from looking at his face to where his cock was. white strands of cum were dripping down his cock and in his hand. he kept moaning your name, making you close your thighs instinctiely to relieve some pressure that was building again.

when sunghoon’s orgasm had started to fade, you didn’t hesitate to swoop your hand down to his cock, collecting the fallen liquid that you oh, so wanted to taste. sunghoon watched you lick it off your fingers, a deep gutteral groan coming from his chest at the sight.

the taste is salty in your mouth and you keep your eyes entrained on sunghoon until it’s all gone. sunghoon reaches over and grabs a tissue to wipe his fingers off, and then he grabbing another tissue. he reaches over to you, dabbing the tissues around your mouth and swiping it around the wet parts on your neck. the whole time, your heart was beating so loudly there was no way he didn’t hear it.

for tonight, sunghoon carefully slipped your out of your bathing suit bottoms and skirt, giving you one of his shirts and boxer shorts to wear instead. he tried to ignore the achey feeling in his heart when you were fully dressed, and climbed into bed beside you. you rested your head on his warm, bare chest. his arm was kept around you, keeping you close to him. you quickly fell asleep, a soft smile on your face that made sunghoon want to kiss it. but sunghoon stayed awake for hours, scared then when he woke up again, everything would be wrong.

you easily find sunghoon at the beach, despite the large crowd of people among it. it was the hottest day of the summer, and the beach was packed. unlike everyone else sun tanning, playing volleyball, swimming or making sandcastles; sunghoon was under an umbrella, his head thrown down into a book. you walk over to where he was, paying attention not startle him. he turns you before you even open your mouth to speak, like he’s been waiting for you.

“hey, wanna go to the rock?”

the rock is more quiet than the rest of the beach. it’s just the two of you up there, watching everyone else living life on the beach and in the water. it gives you both space to think. neither of you have spoken about what happened a few nights ago. the morning after, you both just woke up and got back to your normal routine as if nothing had happened. but both of you knew and could that something did in fact.

“ever been out of the country before?”

you asked him partly because you knew he had with his affluent background, and because you were curious about other places. you had only ever stayed around the city you were born in. your roots were planted there and you knew you would never go farther than this town you were in now. vacations were a luxury not afforded to families like your own.

“yeah, a lot of places,” sunghoon admitted, “but it’s not as glamorous as it sounds. it’s always about business, never about exploring or enjoying.” he was a traveler by circumstance rather than choice. he had seen the world through the lens of his father’s business ventures.

“if you could live in any country, where would you go?”

“i don’t know.” sunghoon sighed, “somewhere far away. somewhere untouched by my father’s business dealings. maybe like a quiet beach.”

“with hot beach chicks?”

sunghoon scoffed, “yeah girls love a mysterious stranger– and i could be that guy.”

your conversation dwindled, both of you thinking about different things as you watched the beach scene unfold beneath you. the sun seemed to get hotter and dried out your mouth quickly.

“what about you, y/n? where would you go?”

not knowing of any places besides from the stories your dad use to tell you he went before you were born, your mind stuck on the place your dad said he needed to go to again before he died.

“istanbul.”

on one weekend, sunghoon’s dad needed him to accompany him to a business dinner in the nearest city, leaving you home alone for the night. your dad had gone on a weekend fishing trip with his friends, and wouldnt be back until the next day.

the only light on in the house was the tv playing behind you. some sitcom that you were paying no attention to. you sat on a chair looking out the window. you watched as the trees blew in the dark sky, the moon raining down on them. you rested your head against the cold window, cooling down your body.

this was the first night in a month that you had been alone. you’d spend your afternoons on the rock until it was pitch black out. and then usually sunghoon would talk to you from your balcony as you drifted off to sleep in your bed.

you didn’t realize how much you hate being alone until now. maybe that’s why you didn’t want to come here this summer, because then you’d be away from your friends who would always keep you company. you don’t understand why you can’t be alone. you think maybe it’s because then you have to face all the thoughts you ignore and push away. you don’t have time to think about your problems when you’re with other people.

that’s why you like hanging out with sunghoon. your brain completely shuts off when you’re with him. you’re so comfortable with him and know that he doesn’t expect anything from you. you don’t know how you’re going to go back to your hometown, away from him. where you’ll have to deal with everything, every problem, again.

you didn’t realize you were crying until a tear lands on your lap. the t shirt sunghoon had let you borrow had risen up, letting yur thighs be the victim of your tears. you knew that you and sunghoon would have to separate soon, there were only a few weeks left until you had to go back home and sunghoon would have to go back to his fancy private school for the year. the town that holds both of your memories would be empty without both of you in it.

despite the harsh contrast of your backgrounds, you and sunghoon were woven with each other. stitched together with vulnerabilities neither of you had shared with anyone else. you didn’t want to share it with anyone else except for park sunghoon.

“y/n?”

your body stops it’s shaking at the sound of his voice. and you were sure you’ve started to lose it.

“y/n?” he says your name again, this time with a louder knock the wooden front door.

quickly you get up from your place on the kitchen chair, making your way to the door. through the kaleidoscope window you see him. he’s standing there in a suit, but his white shirt is unbuttoned and his tie is wrapped loosely over his neck. when he sees you he tells you to open the door.

when you do, he steps in, his body engulffing your own. he’s mumbling something about how he hates his father and how he had to walk all the way here and how he never wanted to go back home. when he pulls away he stops,

“have you been crying, princess?”

“no,” you wipe your cheeks quickly, “but you’ve been drinking.”

“yeah, and i’m fuckin’ wasted.”

you brought him up to your bedroom, where he sprawled across your small mattress. his pants and jacket are lost somewhere on your bedroom floor as he lays in his boxers and unbuttoned shirt. the edges of the mattress fail to contain his long legs, giving him an air of maturity beyond his years.

from your vantage point on the floor, you observed him. almost a familiar ritual that you’ve always done. in your dimly lit bedroom, he appears almost perfect, submerged in darkness, almost authentically himself if he weren’t so drunk. you had never seen him so toxicated before, but it kept a small smile on your face as you watched him.

“you look so pretty right now, y/n.”

“just right now?”

“no, all the time. of course, all the time.”

as he closes his eyes with a sloppy smile on his face, you imagine what it would be like to live with him everyday, to see more nights like this of him coming home drunk to bed, telling you how pretty you are. you know the parts that you imagine are just fantasies that would never come true, but you let yourself imagine them as memories that have already happened between the two of you.

“got anything else to drink, princess? like some whiskey or somethin’?”

“um,” you pretend to hum in thought, “i think i should just get you some water for now.” you start to rise from your position, balancing on your knees on the floor. your chin rested on the mattress, next to his veiny forearm.

proximity has always defined your relationship in affectionate gestures. but, in that moment, as you exist so closely to each other, it transcends the familiar. it feels as if they are convering into one in this small room. like two individuals are finally completing into one person.

“i’m just gonna go get water.”

sunghoon’s hand reaches out to grab your wrist gently, “don’t go, y/n. the world is awful when you’re not here.” he confesses, his words lingering in the room, merging with the slow rhythm of his breaking, a cadence that aligns with the soft rain that has started outside.

on the night that the town held their annual carnival, you and sunghoon chose to avoid it. you wouldn’t be joining it’s neon lights, laughter and kaleidoscope of colours. instead, you found yourselves at the desolated beach, forgotten by everyone in light of the carnival.

you found a spot where the sand meets the gentle lapping waves. your bodies are laying down adjacent to the ocean. the distant carnival music becomes a faint melody, drowned by sunghoon humming some song you can’t think the name of. your fingers idly trace patterns in the sand as sunghoon gazes up at the stars. the scent of salt permeates teh air, mingling with the aroma of cotton candy you and sunghoon had previously shared.

“what’s on your mind?”

you scoff at his question, but still answer him, now you’ve become use to him knowing when you’re lost in a constant thought, “just, summer’s almost over, and then i’ll have to go back home and to school.”

“i’m sure going back to your home won’t be as bad as going back to my private school.”

you don’t care that sunghoon watched you roll your eyes at his answer. because both of you knew that you would rather go to a rich private school than your awful public school.

“but still,” sunghoon admitted, “i’m glad we had this summer.” the vulnerability in his words weaving a thread in your heart of affection for him.

your eyes met each other’s, exchanging a look of understanding as the weight of reality pressed upon you. unspoken fears of the looming distance and unfulfilled promises in the future. sunghoon can see the gratitude and longing mixing in your eyes as they reflect his.

sunghoon entangles his hand in yours, stopping you from tracing your usual shapes in the sand. his hand is cold compared to the summer temperature around you, but you don’t mind, you welcome it. his hand is large compared to yours as he drags his thumb over yours. you keep your eyes on eachother, full of longing and inevitable sadness.

“come here.”

you do as he says, rolling over in the sand so you’re half laying on his chest, your faces close together as your legs entangle so naturally, as if you’ve done this everyday for years. you think you use to shy away from not only sunghoon’s, but everyone’s physical affection. but with sunghoon’s, you gladly accept it before you can even think about it.

like you don’t even think about it before you’re meeting sunghoon’s plush lips in a tender kiss. it was a promise sealed in the taste of salt and cotton candy on your lips, an unspoken pact to carry the warmth of the summer through the chill of the coming weeks. the ocean, a silent witness, cradled your fleeting connection– a memory etched in the sand.

you keep making out gently. different from the last time when you were drunk and in his bed. it’s softer, like you’re scared the other is going to break. his hands are wrapped around your waist, keeping you tucked into his side. it feels so safe and natural to be with him like this that it almost scares you.

you swing your leg up and over sunghoon’s hips, straddling him now. his hands stay on your waist as he looks up at you, the sand cushioning his head. again, without a thought, you slide his shirt off of your body. you hear him curse under his breath as your bikini top chest comes into view. neither of you really mind your hips grinding down onto his crotch.

“should we go somewhere private, princess?”

you shake your head no, “want you here, right now. you know there’s no one around.”

sunghoon lets a deep grumble out from within his chest. one of his hands coming up to your head, pushing it down to meet his own, your lips meeting more intensely this time. the sounds of your lips smacking intrude on the sounds of the ocean behind you.

your hands start to untie his bathing suit bottoms, he moves his hips upwards to help you slide them down his thighs. his semi-hard dick is in your view then.

“spit on it, baby, like a good girl.”

you let a drool of your saliva drop down onto his member, and then your hand meets it. it slowly starts to pump his cock up and down. sunghoon doesn’t take his eyes off of where your hand meets him. he lets out mumbles of praise as you continue. neither of you worry about being too loud as the sound of the waves and faint carnival music drown anything out from your corner in the beach.

he tells you to keep going, making you speed up your movements of your hand. when his cock was fully hard he decided then that he quickly needed to be inside of you.

“want you to ride my cock, princess.”

“yes, sir.”

you start to move to unbutton your shorts. sunghoon helps you slide them off with your bathing suit bottoms. when you straddle him again, both of you moan at the feeling of your wet pussy against his cock. you grab his cock, rubbing it through your wet folds.

“no teasing, baby.” sunghoon grunts through his gritted teeth. you didn’t know that you could have this big of an effect on him.

he helps you slide his cock inside of you. you sink down slowly on it, feeling every inch and vein of it. sunghoon’s other hand remains on your waist, squeezing tightly as the pleasure takes over him as well. when he’s hit as far as he could fit, he stops. he lets you adjust to his size as you swear to him under your breath that he’s the biggest you’ve ever felt.

“yeah? i fill you up so good already, y/n?” he has a teasing smile on his face that you half want to punch and half want to kiss. but, you do the latter and press your lips onto his once more. the kiss is soft and innocent compared to how lewd the action was between your legs.

you let out moans of his name mixed with curses, that let him know you were feeling just as good as he was. his hands stayed on your waist, helping you move up and down on his cock.

“you’re so wet, fuck.”

he licked and bite his lips, grunting as you slammed your ass down onto him. you could faintly hear the sound your wet core was making everytime your bodies collided. you planted your palms onto his bare chest, keeping yourself steady for your harsh and fast movements.

sunghoon let his hand trail up from your waist to your tits, grasping them in his hand, tweaking your nipple through the bathing suit top. he smirked at your response, finding it amusing how sensitive your tits were. his hand moved to your throat, squeezing it with just the right amount of pleasure. you cry out how name at his gesture. your own hand snaking down to play with your clit, rubbing it in fast circles as you don’t stop bouncing down on his dick.

sunghoon is in pure heaven at the state of you. you look so desperate as you slam your ass against his thights. your eyebrows are pushed together and your mouth is wide open. his hand keeps still on your throat, loving how it makes you move slopppier. your walls started to clench more around his cock; your name slips out of his mouth so beautifully.

“you gonna cum, princess? gonna cum all over sir’s cock?”

you let out a mumble that sounds similar to ‘yeah’ as you continue to reach the edge with his cock shoved deep inside of you. your body shook ontop of his as you came. your thighs clenching around his hips as you threw your head back into the night sky.

sunghoon’s eyes became sharp set at the feeling of your silk walls pulsating. he started to force his cock up into your wet pussy at a speed you could barely comprehend. his hands were tight on your waist as he forced his hips up and down.

sunghoon’s jaw was clenched as he focused on reaching his own high. his hard cock practically ripped you open. your cries started to become louder from being overstimulated from the pleasure. sunghoon could only focus on you and your pussy and how good you were making him feel.

“fuck me sir just like that! so good! please!”

your begging pushes sunghoon over the edge, your walls and cries too much for him. he releases his warm cum into you with a final, push into your pussy. you moan out his name as you feel him cum inside of you. his fingers stay tight onto your waist, for sure leaving nail marks from how tight he’s gripping your skin.

your body collapsing onto his. both of your breaths mixing with the sand as you try to catch your breaths. both of you listen to the ocean and your uneven breaths as you relax from the sex. you feel his fingers trace shape on your bare back as he keeps his cock deep inside of you.

neither of you bother to try to move for a while, finding comfort in each others presence– loving the way you felt so close to each other with his cock still inside of you. even when it’s gone completely soft, you both stay there, holding each other, trying to stop the minutes from ticking.

for the rest of the summer, the days melted into the nights and the summer sun continued to beam down on both of your skins. you and sunghoon became even more inseparable and irresistible of each other. each moment was something you wish you could remember vividly for the rest of your life.

you spent more time exploring each other’s bodies. both of you liked the risk and adrenaline that came with almost getting caught. which lead to more sex on the beach. sunghoon sneaking through your balcony at night to make you cum. giving him blowjobs on the beach under the umbrella. following him up to his bedroom at night, avoiding the eyes of his parents and house workers.

the nights were always alive when you swam against the waves. the silver glow of the moon, you and sunghoon would slip into the ocean, taking in the cool embraces of the waster as you revealed in the serenity of the night. sometimes, you’d find yourselves huddled around a bonfire, roasting marshmallows until they were golden brown. the sweet scent of toasted marshmallows lingered in the air and on your tongues.

other nights, you’d find yourselves lazing around your bedroom, your head in sunghoon’s lap as he read richard brautigan to you. his voice weaving through the air like poetry. the words painted vivid images in your mind. every so often, you’d be following sunghoon around his mansion, a grant labyrinth of corridors and hidden rooms. each corner would reveal a piece of his world. with more exploration, the vast mansion turned more into a cozy home.

the more fun you had with sunghoon, the more the bittersweet reality set in. responsibilities loomed in the horizon, promising to pull you both in different directions. the summer became a haven that you wished could be eternal.

the night before you had to separate, your bedroom lay hushed in the muted glow of your bedside lamp, casting gentle shadows on the walls. the air was thich with the unspoken weight of impending farewells as you and sunghoon shared a quiet moment. a silent acknowledgement of teh fleeting hours left before needing to part ways for an unknown amount of time.

laying side by side in the dimly lit room, the creak of the mattress beneath you was a subtle reminder of the transient nature of your togetherness. the soft hum of an old melody played from a distant radio outside your open window, filling the gaps between words with a melancholic undertone.

sunghoon’s fingers danced idly through a strand of your hair, his touch feather light yet laden with a somber tenderness. the strands twirled and looped around his fingers like a silent dance. he tried to take in all the details of your hair, so he could remember every detail about you.

as you traced abstract patterns on the ceiling, listening to the sound of sunghoon’s heartbeat, the atmosphere seemed to thicken with unspoken words and unshed tears. the scent of summer lingered, encapsulating the essence of your days spent together.

the night outside remained still, save for the distant murmur of waves and occasional rustle of leaves. in the quiet room, it held the weight of goodbyes and resonance of shared laughter and whispered confessions. words that you knew neither of you would be able to speak to another soul.

the summer cast long shadows across the driveway as sunghoon stood at the end, a silhouette etched against teh golden hues of the warm evening. the atmosphere was saturated with unspoken emotions, heavy witht eh weight of impending goodbyes. you stepped off of the porch, the worn wooden planks feeling cool beneath your bare feet.

sunghoon’s gaze met yours, a silent exchange that spoke volumes without uttering a single word. the air seemed to hum with the poignant awareness of an ending, and the usual busy neighbourhood hushed as if it, too, understood the gravity of the moment.

the lowering sun cast long shadows across sunghoon’s handsome face, acentuating the contours of his features. his eyes held a mix of reluctance and acceptance, mirroring the conflicted emotions swirling within you both. the echo of shared laughter and whispered secrets lingered in the air, a symphony of memories that played softly in the background.

you met him at the end of the driveway, your mother’s idle car waiting for you just meters away.

“i’m going to miss you,” sunghoon practically whispered, his voice carrying the weight of too many emotions for either of you to handle.

“i’ll miss you, too.”

the town held its brath as your lips met in a tender, bittersweet kiss– a farewell painted with the colorus of sunset and promise of a tomorrow that belonged to different worlds. neither of you knew when the next time you would feel the others lips on your own. the kiss was as slow as possible, as if time stopped when you were connected.

breaking away, your eyes locked onto his brown ones that you’ve had weeks to memorize for eternity. a lump formed in your throat as you struggled to find words that could encapsulate the depth of your feelings in that very moment.

sunghoon speaks for you, “i’ll never forget you.” his fingers trace your jaw, feeling your soft skin he’s kissed a hundred times, for the last time. “or how overly idealistic you are.”

“shut up.”

the small amount of humour you both embrace hurts more than it should. both of your souls reluctantly embracing the inevitability of your separation.

you start to backup towards your car, where your mom waits to leave for home, your fingers slowly loosing grip of sunghoon’s as the distance between your bodies increases.

you only lose sight of him while you get into the car, telling your mother that you’re ready, even though you’re not. the engine hummed to life, the vibrations beneath the chassis resonating with the subdued rhythm of your heart. as the car began to pull away, your turned to face the back window. the neighbourhood unfolded in reverse, a mosaic of houses, trees and streetlights that once felt so comforting.

through the glass, sunghoon stood on the gravel dirt road, a silhouette painted against the backdrop of fading daylight. his hand lifted in a half hearted wave, a mirror image of your own farewell. matching tear streaks adorned both your faces, glistening traces of emotions left unspoken in the twilight air. the sunset light covered his face in the most beautiful, devastating way.

as the distance between you and him widened, the world outside blurred into a montage of colours and shapes. the weight of the unknown future hung in the air, a quiet ache taht nestled in the hollows of your chest. the car carried you further away, navigating the streets you once hated.

you stole one last glance at sunghoon who was joined by your dad at the end of the driveway. both of them having sad smiles on their faces as they watched your car disappear into the distance.

the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a final burst of golden streaks across the evening sky– an ending to summer. as the car turned a corner, your gaze remained fixed on the fading landscape, the remnants of a summer love etched in the recesses of your memories. each passing scenery of a familiar landmark was a reminder of moments shared with sunghoon. the quiet far corners of the town held the resonance of laughter, clandestine meetings and the stubble brush of fingertips that danced in the delicate way you would always remember.

the ache in your chest matched the quiet tears that streamed down your cheeks, glistening in the soft glow of the streetlights. in the solitude of the car, you allowed yourself the vulnerability of grief, mourning the passage of summer and love that felt like a fleeting dream.

you longed for the ability to rewind time, to relive the summer with sunghoon over and over again. the desire hung in the air, palpable and unspoken as the car glided toward the destination where the echoes of laughter had once been a symphony, now reduced to the gentle cadence of your own tears.

the outside, familiar world had become a blur, and the quiet of the night seemed to mirror the hollowness you felt within. the knowledge that you might never see the silhouette of park sunghoon against the backdrop of summer’s fading hues was a devastating ache, a void that lingered in the spaces between breaths. the gravity of the impending absence seeped through your veins, leaving behind the remnants of a season that had slipped away, leaving you with nothing but the echoes of goodbye and memories that you hoped you could remember forever.

the days that followed morphed into long, awful monotony. your once-familiar routine, once a source of comfort, now felt like an oppressive weight. each step echoing the absence left in the wake of summers ephemeral bliss.

you and sunghoon had texted for as long as you could, before he had to hand in his phone at private school because of the strict rule that everyone hated : no phones allowed. how you ached to hear his voice once more.

you continuously looked at pictures you had taken on your phone through the summer. tears streaming down your face as you looked at the digital face of park sunghoon– the face that you had kissed and touched and admired so many times just weeks before.

the pictures became a tormentous reminder, and the once cherished routine back at home now felt like a cage, every corner haunted by the echoes of park sunghoon’s absence.

weeks continued to pass since you had to say goodbye to sunghoon, and each day in your hometown felt slower and slower. your school that you once loved, felt like hell. the faces around you that were once your closest friends, blurred into a sea of strangers, and the classrooms became chambers of detached voices you couldn’t bare to listen to. your thoughts kept drifting back to sunghoon, the only person who seemed to every understand you. his absence cast a shadow over you that nothing seemed to fill.

in the hallways, you found yourself thinking you had caught glimpses of sunghoon. his familiar silhouette passing at the end of the hall, only for there to be no one once you reached the end of it– or it was someone else who was very confused at your actions. every time, your heart raced, hope and anticipation intertwined– only to be shattered once reality settled in. sunghoon was miles away, across the country in a school you could never afford.

at home, you found yourself imagining his presence beside you. every night, while you sat in a warm bath, your wet hair sticking to your nude back like it did in the summer when you would go swimming, you imagined him sitting across from you. the tips of his black hair wet as it dripped down his face and stuck to his forehead.

you imagined talking and laughing with him. it was a mixture of conversations you already had with him, and ones that you wanted to have with him. the mirage of him would laugh when you wanted him to. you could almost feel his skin on yours when you imagined he would reach across the distance between you in the bath and brush your wet hair out of your face. you could hear his voice calling you his princess, and how pretty you are.

and everytime, you would come out of your imagination with tears streaming down your face. knowing that you would never be able to speak with sunghoon again. he would never actually be across from you in the bath like how you constantly imagined and wished. it hurt everytime.

it seemed that everything you did reminded you of sunghoon. your favourite books, like anything by richard brautigan, reminded you of him. you could only hear the words written across the pages in sunghoon’s voice. the memories of him reading those exact words to you in your bedroom or on the beach flashed through your mind. you swore you could smell the ocean’s sea salt on the pages when you flipped through them.

you ended up having to shove all of brautigan’s books under your bed so you couldn’t see them.

the sunsets in your hometown were no match to the ones that would set in your father’s town. you couldn’t imagine the ugly colours of your hometown’s sunsets fading into sunghoon’s skin.

sometimes, you cursed park sunghoon– for ruining your favourite books, favourite smells, favourite sunsets.

your mother told you that with time the pain in your chest would fade– but how much time would be needed for you to forget every single beautiful detail of park sunghoon?

the weeks rolled on as they must do. and gradually, the familiarity of your old routine began to reclaims its space in your life. the once pervasive memories of park sunghoon were now relegated to the corners of your mind. with a quiet acceptance, you found comfort in the routienst aht had defined your life before summer.

in the company of your friends you had welcomed you back so easily, laughter echoed through familiar hangout spots. the school activities you took part in became a buffer against the persistent ache of longing. you enjoyed walking into all the classrooms with your friends as you focused more and more on your studies during your final year of high school.

acceptance came not as resignation but as a gentle acknowledgement that there is more to life than that town and summer with park sunghoon. the mundane moments, once overshadowed, now stood as peaceful moments that you found happiness in. you discovered a semblance of normalcy, a balm for the heart yearning for the touch of a distant memory that would only stay as a memory.

when winter break arrived, so did the crisp chill in the air that you had seemed to have forgotten.

on christmas, you called your father.

you picked your nails as you gave in to the compelling inquiry of the park mansion. your dad’s response was delivered with a heavy sigh. as he stood by the window, his phone against his shoulder and ear, he gazed toward the distant hill where the mansion nestled. there was only a scattering of lights flickered in the windows– only the wait staff resided there now.

“the town’s different now,” your father muttered, his eyes fixated on the silent mansion. “people are huddled up in their homes, or they’ve retreated to their own cities for the year.” his words painted a picture of a community cocooned in the winter’s embrace, a far cry from the lively canvas that had coloured your summer days.

attempting to conjure the image your father described, you strained to envision the town shrouded in winter’s hush. streets once bustling with activity, now empty and serene. shops that echoed with laughter and music now adorned with boarded up windows. the once welcoming cool ocean water, was now empty and freezing.

yet, despite your efforts, the mental image eluded you. the town you had known only as a summer haven resisted transformation in your mind. you could almost hear the distant echo of waves crashing against the shore and feel the warmth of the summer sun, rendering your attempts to superimpose a winter veil futile.

you avoided your father’s questions about park sunghoon.

spring unfolded its tender embrace, and with it came a cascade of changes that wove into the fabric of your life. as the days lengthed and the air became infused with the sweet scent of blooming flowers, you found yourself navigating a labyrinth of new worries, memories and responsibilities.

graduating high school loomed on the horizon, a monumental milestone that carried the weight of farewells and unknown futures. the hallways now echoed with teh eancitipatory whispers of change. faces you had known since childhood broe expressions of both excitement and sadness, mirroing the kaleidoscope of emotions within you.

with each passing day, the gravity of adulthood settled like a spring mist. responsibilities sprouted like delicate buds, demanding attention and nurturing. the carefree days of childhood were replaced by the dawning reality of independence.

amidst the new chaos of growing up, memories of that fleeting summer lingered like the fragrance of blossoms that carried in through your open window. you had started packing your childhood bedroom into boxes for college, the smell of cardboard intoxicating.

the closer to college got to starting, the faster spring was ending and summer was beginning yet again.

summer started with a cool breeze and a familiar conversation between your father and you. the invitation, as inevitable as the changing seasons, beckoned you back to the town where memories of sun-kissed days lingered in your mind.

the journey back was like deja vu. the road unfurled before you as your mother drove you. a ribbon of asphalt winding through fields and quaint houses. the rhythm of the tires on the pavement was the exact same as the year before. but your emotions were different as you approached your father’s house.

the scent of the town wrapped around you in a comforting embrace as the car stopped in front of your dad’s house you had grown to cherish. you didn’t hesitate running into the house, throwing yourself into your father’s arms, feeling like a child in them as he squeezed you tight.

dinner that first evening back, carried an unspoken tension as you hesitated to broach the subject that had been gnawing at you all day. your dad, sensing your unease from across the table, cast a discerning glance your way before setting down his fork and signalling you to ask him whatever it was.

“what’re the park’s up to?”

the sigh that escaped your father’s lips held the weight of the room.

he spoke of the parks, usually a steadfast presence by this time of year, but were absent from the familiar mansion that sat on the hill.

you glanced through the window, catching sight where the park mansion stood, a silhouette against the backdrop of the evening sky. the absence of lights within the mansion mirrored the void left by the infamous parks. your heart skipped a beat at the disappointment that settled within you.

you spent the week trying to find the familiar silhouette of park sunghoon. the cafe where tendrils of his cigarette smoke lingered, was only vacant, devoid of his casual presence and the acrid scent of tobacco you had learned to tolerate. the quiet rustle of pages turning under an umbrella at the beach failed to mask the silence left by his absence.

evenings, once painted with the warm hues of sunset witnessed from your shared perch on the rock, now felt incomplete. the horizon, bereft of his mysterious gaze, seemed to echo the hollowness that reverberated within you. the eaves, crashing against shore were reminding you of the tears you had shed for him.

seated on the familiar rock, where laughter and secrets were once shared with the sea, you felt the weight of his absence you once never knew you needed. the contours of the rock, etched with the memories of shared sunsets, cradled you with comfort you knew only park sunghoon could give you.

in the quietude, with only a handful of people still playing in the water below you, you yearned for teh silhouette that had seamlessly woven itself into your summer memories. the absence of sunghoon cast a somber hue onto the familiar landscapes that had once been so comforting and alive. now, seated alone on the rock, you became an inadvertent observer by yourself. a lone tear fell down your sunburnt cheek.

you thought of all the memories you had with sunghoon, and how they unfolded like a series of bittersweet snapshots. there was an anger and frustration bubbling up within you. a visceral response to the stark absence of his once-constant presence. yet, you found yourself unwilling to relinquish in those moments.

the touch of his pale skin against yours lingered in your thoughts like the imprint of the summer sun on your skin. it was a sensation that spoke of lazy afternoons spent together, where time stretched and contored into your favour. anger brewed at the realization that such moments had become a repository of longing, each memory a testament to the void he had left.

despite the storm within, you marveled at the resilience of of the feeling his lips had left on your own. within stolen kisses or passionate ones that never seemed to end. anger and frustration gnawed at the edges of your consciousness, teh desire for one more stolen kiss persisted, a silent plea that you knew he would never hear.

you soon realized your cheeks were as wet as the times you had gone swimming in the ocean with sunghoon, or imagined him talking with you in the bath. tears were streaming down your face at the lost memories with park sunghoon that you would never get to relive.

you put your head in your arms, cradling your mind as it physically poured its sadness onto your skin.

“y/n? i knew you’d be up here.”

a voice so achingly familiar sent shivers down your spine.

the words hung in the air, resonating with a surreal quality that danced in disbelief. turning slowly, as if caught between reality and reverie, you met the gaze of the person standing behind you.

“sunghoon? is it really you?” the question trembled on her tongue, you half expected him to vanish into the ether like the other mirages you had seen of him.

“well yeah, how many other hearthrobs are in this town?”

you thought he ought to be another twisted figment of your imagination– but he stood before you with an undeniable solidity.

“say my name again,”

a desparete plea to ground yourself atop the rock that was so high.

“y/n.”

the syllables rolled off his tongue, and with each utterance, the knot of uncertainty in your chest loosened. yet, his eye straced the tear-streaked canvas of your face, concern etched across his features, he asked, “what’s wrong?”

within just a moment, the vulnerability of your emotions overcame the barriers that were once so high. rising from your rocky spot, you ran toward him, a blur of motion against the backdrop of the sun’s dying embers. in his arms, you found the familiar safety you had ached for for so long. the warmth of his embrace eclipsing the silent ache of separation. the sunset bore witness to a reunion, a collision of two souls that belonged together.

as the final embers of the sunset retreated beyond the horizon, you and sunghoon lingered on the weathered rock, their bodies entwined in a shared desperation to erase the lingering echoes of separation. the world around them, now cloaked in the soft hues of twiling, seemed to fade into insignificance compared to the gravitational pull of their intertwined existence.

“i missed you,” sunghoon’s tender admission hung in the air.

“missed you, too.”

as you gazed at sunghoon, his features etched in the soft twiling, you drank in the details like a parched wanderer, sumbling upon an oasis. his eyes, a familiar tapestry of brown, spoke volumes that only you could relate to. a subtle play of light and shadow danced across teh contours of his face, creating an ethereal portrait that she committed to memory as if this moment was too precious to last.

the disbelief lingered, a nagging whisper that quesitonned and ruined the reality of this reunion. as if unable to fully comprehend taht he was here, tangible and real. you traced teh outline of his features with your finger, fearing that he might vanish like many of your dreams before.

“i got caught up with family stuff and graduation, you know how they like lavish, grand events that never end,” sunghoon confessed, his words fixing the anger and frustration that had been boiling up in your chest for months. “i thought about you every day and prayed you wouldn’t forget about me.”

“i could never forget you.”

in the pregnant pause that followed as sunghoon took a breath, “ i want to take you to istanbul, as soon and as long as possible.”

you didn’t hesitate to say yes. a pact so easily forged between a kiss.

the prospect of more sunsets with park sunghoon in a city you had only dreamed of filled your future with excitement and adventure as you felt the gap between you and sunghoon melt into the rock underneath you.

the gentle rustle of leaves in the evening breeze seemed to echo the murmurs of your hearts, both carrying a weight that sought release.

“i love you,” the words hung in the air as you spoke it back and forth to each other until your cheeks both hurt from smiling.

your eyes, reflective pools that mirrored the emotions swirling within, didn’t leave sunghoon’s gaze. his hand found its place in your own, your fingers intertwining between your bodies.

as you layed together on the familiar rock, overlooking the town that had witnessed teh intricacies of your journey, a sense of completion settled over them. the warm season had been a net that carried all over your quiet revelations and discovery of love that neither of you had searched for.

the echoes of richard brautigan’s words and the smell of sea salt in the air, a reminder that in the ordinary moments, profound happiness could be discovered.

and so, with the setting sun casting a final golden glow, they embraced the conclusion of a chapter that had unfolded with the grace of a young, summer love. in the quiet symphony of the evening, sunghoon and y/n had not just found an end, but a beginning– a promise to find more sunsets and love together. hand in hand, the story of their summer love whispered its conclusion to the tranquil waves of the ocean, leaving behind a lingering feeling of each others lips, shared sunsetz and the acceptance that maybe being too idealistic was okay.

the end.

@ taeghi, 2024. do not repost or reuse in anyway.

stay safe everyone :)

688 notes · View notes

sunghoooonnn · 4 months

Text

volume 3 ☆ jake sim - the first love trope

"oh shit, sorr- wait you like one ok rock? "yeah?" "no way, what's your favourite song?!"

pairing : popular boy!jake x shy!reader

summary : you, a quiet girl who is the introvert of all introverts, never thought you would befriend the most popular boy in school by having the same music taste. what songs are you going to show him next?

word count : 23,900 something lol

includes smut

topics of insomnia, depression, cigarettes, quick mention of death (sorry) (maybe slight trigger warning bc of the death)

MINORS DNI

☆read the other volumes?

taglist : @srirachibi @ryu-naa @blank-velvet @hoonstrology@person-standing @yuakagi @moasworld @rein-deer-stuffs @lix-freckle3 @leeis @turnipsandflowerss @hoewithnojams@liliansun @melaninjhs @sunshine-skz @andromedawillburryyou@shynypeacekitten @violevantae @rpkth @hime98 @fvryang @j4yluvr @heelariously @fireflies997 @rikipediaa @manaswisingh @pshwyfie @rikithebest @as-she-pleases

(sorry if i forgot anyone lol)

you have always hated busan. you hated the humid weather, the inconsistent transportation system, and, god forbid, the noise. but now, over the past few weeks, at least, you've started to enjoy the noise during your insomniac nights. you sit in your bed for what feels like the one hundredth time tonight, having nothing better to do than look out your window. the bags that have been accumulating for weeks under your brown eyes have started to grow into a shade of dark purple that harshly contrasts with your skin tone. your house has always been quiet. it started when your father left years ago. it seemed that no matter how many were home, the eerie type of quiet that had been set into the house, lingers. it's always clean and spacious, and no one talks unless they need to you haven't spoken to your siblings in weeks. there had been underlying anger between you that has been inherited like the freckles on all your cheekbones. you sometimes try to blame yourself for the falling out, but only your dad runs through your mind at the thought. your insomnia has been toleratable since it started through the summer. still, now that your junior year is starting in a couple of hours, the insufferableness is settling in. you wish you could sleep, if only for a day. on the other side of busan, jake lies awake in his bed, staring at his posters on the ceiling. he regret sleeping all day again because now all he can hear is his brother playing video games and the busan night coming in through his window. the sim house is usually always loud, even at night. jake's friends would come over, and they'd blast music and drink or talk about life events. jake's brother would sometimes join them, adding to the noise. jake has hardly left his room all summer. the thoughts are becoming too much, so he sleeps to get them to stop. things had been hard since isa had broken up with him. he looked up his symptoms and groaned when the word 'depression' crossed the screen. jake used to like busan. it was always busy and roaring with people, but now the noise adds to it all. he needs quiet. jake feels guilty for sleeping through the summer. but he doesn't have enough energy to do anything else. he wishes he couldn't sleep through a day, just for a day.

your hair is messy as you stand outside your school, your earbuds tangled as you look up at the building you despised so much.

you're not oblivious, you know that you don't look like you're the world's next top model in your oversized clothing, your hands shoved into the pockets of your unzipped sweater

you suppose everyone has headed to their second period class by now, so you're outside by yourself, the newly fall breeze starting to twirl around the city.

you look out onto the freshly cut grass field. it reminds you of the view from your bedroom window. it looks like your neighbour's clean backyard that he cares so much for. you then start to imagine that you're home. its quiet and you're relaxed. but that false relaxation turns into wondering where your family members are, and if they're thinking of you, at least in the slightless bit

the sudden voice beside you makes you somewhat jump, "what're you doing out here?"

you turn your head to the right and see a black-haired girl. you immiediatly notice how beautiful the girl is. her features suit her face so well and wish that you're own looked as good as hers.

"um," you state, noticing the angry expression on her face, her eyebrwos furrowed, "just, listening to music." you point to your headphones.

the girl nodded uncaringly before pulling out a cigarette and a lighter, lighting it before she puts it to her lips. "it's been the worst day so far, i hate school so much." the black haired girl suddenly rants, mocking the leaning position you were in against the wall. you nod in acknowledgement to her words. "what year are you in?"

"year 11."

"ah, so i'm your senior." the girl pulls her eyebrows up, "i guess i should be a good influence on you and tell you to get to class."

"i feel like i'd learn more out here than i would in a class."

a smile spreads across the girls lips, "i'm park chaerin."

"y/l/n y/n."

"yo, are you coming or what?" a boys' voice calls out suddenly. there's a boy with black hair pushed back. he's wearing a dark blue hoodie with the number 99 on it- realizing that he must be on the rugby team for your school.

"yeah, i am, can you not give me a second, jay?" chaerin replies, pushing herself off the wall and into his direction, inhaling from her cigarette as she does.

the boys'- jay- eyes you cautiously behind chaerin, analysing if he should say anything more while you're around.

"well i don't have all day to waste like you." jay replies, rolling his eyes.

"ugh." chaerin exhales the smoke, before throwing her cigarette on the pavement and stomping on it. "let's go. bye y/n!" she smiles at you, before walking away with jay.

you could hear jay scolding chaerin for smoking around him before turning the corner, neither of them glancing back at you.

over the first few weeks of school, you had somehow became close friends with park chaerin.

sure, she was a year older than you, and so much cooler than you, but you seemed to understand each other in a way that no one else has. she was quickly becoming your best (and only) friend.

you had learnt that she also comes from a not-so-great yet not-so-bad family like you. and she liked to cause some trouble. you most definetly weren't a goody two shoes- and you're grades were horrendous but not because you were stupid- but because you could care less about high school.

you learnt that chaerin was 'secretly' hooking up with park jay from the school's rugby team. at first, you had believed chaerin when she told you that it was solely sex, but quickly you learnt that there were feelings growing from her side- feelings that the imfamous park jay probably didn't reciprocate.

"god!" chaerin groaned out, sitting beside you against the concrete wall behind the school- the place where you had first met and had somehow mutally decided that the place would be your meetup spot. "did you see him not even look at me?"

"hm?" you asked, pulling out your earbud to hear the girl.

chaerin put her head against the wall, "stupid jay, i walked right past him and his stupid friends and he didn't even look. i mean i was right infront of him there was no way he didn't see me!"

you sighed, reaching out and patting your friends' knee. "maybe he didn't see you, why don't you ask him later about it?"

"i know what his answer is gonna be, 'what would the guys think if i looked at you?'." chaerin mocked in a deep 'jay' voice. "it's so annoying! he tells me he likes me and then pretends he has no idea who i am when we are in public!"

and chaerin's words are true.

park chaerin's reputation hasn't been the best at your school. she was known for being the 'bad girl'. the girl who parties a lot, and smoked a lot and had a lot of sex- which she says she hasn't but the rest of the school disagrees- and that she really didn't care about what anyone thinks of her.

chaerin thought she could live the rest of her life not caring about other people's opinions.

until she started hooking up with park jay.

park jay was the co captain of the rugby team. he was popular, and smart and athletic and majority of the girls and guys at your school wanted to date him. you could say that he was 'preppy' and comes from a rich family that owns a lot of buildings in your city.

chaerin didn't plan on falling for jay- and he most definetlly didn't plan for that either. it's not that he was necesarily embarrassed by hooking up with park chaerin- but he still didn't want people to know.

"i'm sorry chae, hopefully he will come to his senses." you tried to reassure her.

"no, hopefully i come to my senses and ghost his ass, maybe then he'll recognize me in public."

you smiled at her words, not getting a chance to respond, "he did mention that he told one of his friends about us, his best friend."

"oh really?" you asked, genuinely shocked at park jay.

"yeah, but he made the guy swear not to tell anyone else so i can't tell if it's a step forward or backward for us."

"it's a forward one, chae- now four of us know instead of three."

chaerin scoffed with a smile at your words, "yay, four!" she spoke in her usual sarcastic tone you had become familiar with.

she wrapped her arm around you, both of you looking out to the soccer field where a class of year 9's played a shitty game of soccer. chaerin smoked a cigarette as you listened to music- something the both of you had started doing together as you talked or sat in silence, waiting for the school bell to ring for another period to start.

you always liked listening to music. your interest had become a need to live over time since you listened to it so much. it broke the silence that had settled over you and your family. you found comfort in it

you needed music when you were alone, when you were in a classroom full of people that you didn't know when you were walking in the halls to a classroom full of people you didn't know.

music could allow you to daydream as well. you got so lost in music that it helped you cope with the harsh reality of your life. you could imagine up anything you wanted with your ears being blasted by your favourite- and not so favourite songs.

and maybe that means it's not always such a good thing to do when you are walking around a bunch of other people while you're losing yourself to your daydreams because you crash right into someone, and your phone goes flying onto the hallway floors, ripping your headphones right from your ears.

you were more concerned about the ache in your ears and a possibly shattered phone than the person you had bumped into you, jaw going slack as you watched your phone slide across the hall.

"oh shit." you heard someone cuss, taking a step towards your phone before a person beats you to it. "sorr- wait, you like one ok rock?"

you finally glance up at the boy who is now holding your phone, your headphones wrapped around his hand as looked down at your screen. he had shaggy brown hair and a pretty smile as he looked at you.

"uh, yeah?"

"no way, what's your favourite song?!" he exclaimed, not caring about the other students glaring at the two of you for standing in the middle of the hallway.

you couldn't focus on this question as you just continued to stare at your phone, wondering why he was still holding onto it so tight. when you didn't answer, he looked down at his hand gripping your phone and headphones.

"oh shit, sorry again." jake almost startled himself, hurriedly handing over your phone.

"thanks." you nodded to him, rolling your phone over to see no scratches or cracks on it, noticing that the ambitions album by one ok rock was paused on the screen.

"y/n!" you heard chaerin's voice call you from behind you. you turned around and saw her face twisted into frustration. "let's go outside." she put two fingers to her mouth, signifying that she needed a smoke.

"o-okay." you nodded to her, quickly putting your headphones back in your ears, starting to rush to chase after your best friend through the halls to the back. "oh, my favourite's nobody's home!" you called over your shoulder to the boy, who only stared you with a confused smile on your face, watching how fast you ran for your upset friend.

you didn't stay to hear his response, taking his nod as a good enough answer before you made your way to your usual spot outside with chaerin, ready to hear what park jay had done now.

a day after bumping into the boy who knew one ok rock, the realization hit you on how cute he actually was and how much you embarrassed yourself by literally bumping into him and then making him pick up your things for you. you didn't even say sorry to him!

you tried to remember if you had ever seen the boy around before, but your mind drew blank. his casual sweats and distressed plaid shirt didn't seem to be a fashion sense that you recognized around your school- nor did the pretty smile and brown hair.

you especially didn't think anyone would be interested in what music you listened to or what your favourite song was.

it had you up at night for even longer than usual. at least your insomniac brain had something nice to think about for once- a boy to imagine late at night as you listened to music and stared outside your window.

since that day, you had tried to find the boy in the hallways, just a glance at him and maybe see who he hangs around with. but you never did. the brown shaggy hair was nowhere in your vision, and it made you slowly forget about him after a week.

you think you had almost forgotten about him when chaerin sat beside you abruptly against the concrete wall. today, cheerleading practice was occurring on the field in front of you.

"jay said something weird last night" chaerin shrugged, plopping her bag beside her as she dug through it.

"about what?" you asked her, taking out one of your earphones.

"you."

"me?"

"yeah," chaerin pulled out a lighter from her bag, turning to look at you, "his friend said he saw you with me and asked jay about you."

"what?" you asked again, sitting up straight, curious as to why you were ever a topic of discussion to anyone.

chaerin lit her cigarette, "yeah, jay said he didn't know anything about you, though; he said his friend seemed annoyed at it."

"who's his friend?"

"that sim jake guy, he's on the rugby team, too."

"sim jake?"

"yeah, you haven't heard of him?"

you shook your head no, confused as to why a boy on the rugby team would want to know about you.

your high school took sports very seriously. so as soon as you were accepted onto one of the sports teams, you would instantly be popular and accepted into a great university with a great scholarship.

"why would this sim jake guy want to know about me?"

chaerin shrugged, "beats me. he said something about bumping into you in the hallway."

bumping into you in the hallway.

"holy shit." you cursed, shock ripping through you when you realized who this sim jake guy must've been. "the one ok rock guy."

"the who?"

"i did bump into this cute guy like two weeks ago; he liked this same band as me, i didn't realize he was on the rugby team!"

"you think he's cute?" chaerin's jaw dropped.

"wait- not like-."

"oh my god! you think sim jake is cute?" chaerin squealed loudly, her voice bouncing off the school's walls.

"shhh!" you shoved her, "be quiet! i saw him once for maybe 30 seconds; you cannot be going around saying i think he's cute or something!"

"okay okay." chaerin giggled at your embarrassed expression, "and hey, i don't care who you fool around with or who you date, but if things with jake do ever happen, just be careful because his and his ex had a messy break up- shits still not resolved and it's been like five months."

"who's his ex?"

"lee chaeyoung." chaerin nodded towards the cheerleaders on the field, "isa. she's in my year."

across the field, lee chaeyoung, who went by her preferred name as 'isa' stood a top three girls who all held her up in the air, her navy blue cheerleading uniform contrasting against her pretty, pale skin.

you knew isa was the most popular and prettiest girl in your school; it was hard not to notice her in the halls. it was as if everyone in the hall would stop and watch her walk past them, her beauty too controlling to look away from her.

"i didn't know she had a boyfriend."

you heard chaerin scoff at your words. "y/n, i'm sorry but you don't know much about anyone at this school."

you tilted your head in consideration of her words, "that is true."

you and chaerin laugh as you continue to watch the cheerleaders practice their routines, the comfortable silence taking over until chaerin speaks again.

"do you want to come over to my house after school, there's not much to do, but we could go swimming, my parents said it's the last weekend to use the pool before they close it for the year."

"Sure." you agreed before the silence settled in between you again before the fourth period's bell rang out.

now, the two of you are in chaerin's room. you're walking around, looking at chaerin's belongings on the shelves. chaerin's talking about some drama at school again, and you nod along, not really listening. you look at the pictures chaerin has on the walls of her family. over the weeks, you have heard a lot about chaerin's family; you know that they don't always get along, but you can't help but wish you had a family like this. at least they talk to each other.

"do you want to go swimming now?" chaerin asks from her bed.

"yeah, why not."

chaerin smiles at your answer and stands up to rummage through her dresser drawers before pulling out two bathing suits. she hands you a black bikini with a smile, "go change in the bathroom."

chaerin's black bikini was definitely chaerin's bikini as you looked at yourself in the mirror. chaerin was a lot more confident in her body than you were in yours. it showed a majority of your body and curves in a way that you weren't used to. you force yourself to pick up your dad's old smashing pumpkins t-shirt that you basically live in and slip it on your body before meeting chaerin in the hallway.

chaerin's little brother, cheol, asks to go swimming with you guys, smiling once you agree that he can come. you help him apply some sunscreen. cheol already likes you, and it's partly because he can tell how much his sister does. cheol has always looked up to chaerin, and it worries the family. everyone in their family looks at cheol like he is the innocent one of them all. like he is the one that won't be a screw-up like the rest of them.

chaerin and cheol ease themselves into the pool while you still contemplate whether you should go swimming with your shirt on or off.

"come on, y/n!" cheol shouts from the middle of the pool.

"okay okay, i'm coming," you climb the ladder and stand on the edge of the pool, looking down at your pretty friend and her brother, wondering how you became so lucky to become friends with a girl like chaerin.

"what. are. you doing?" a sudden deep voice says from diagonally behind you, startling you, so you fall straight into the pool: head first.

when you come up from the water with a scowl on your face for who was the culprit that scared you, the frown drops immediately when you see park jay and sim jake standing by the gate that leads to chaerin's backyard.

"we're swimming; what does it look like we're doing?" chaerin said sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

you turned away from the two boys, pushing your now-soaked hair away from your face and trying to smooth it over your head. you wiped the cheap, shitty mascara you were wearing away that had most likely leaked underneath your eyes from the water.

"i can see that. why are you swimming in september, you're gonna be sick, and then i'll have to deal with that, too." jay spoke out in frustration,

you heard chaerin scoff in annoyance, "god, you are so condescending; we are just having fun."

"whatever, can we talk inside for a second?" you heard the water in the pool start to swish around as chaerin started walking towards the ladder, so she responded to jay's question.

the two of them walked inside, a towel wrapped around chaerin's body as jay kept glancing at jake to make sure he wasn't looking at chaerin's bikini outfit.

cheol bursts out laughing beside you, smacking the water, "did you see the way you fell into the pool!" cheol said through his laughter, "head first!"

a smile spread across your face at his statement, glad someone found your embarrassing moment funny. "hey, you better watch it! I'll throw you into the pool head first!" you splashed water at the younger boy.

cheol laughed and splashed water back, drenching you again. "who are you?" his voice spoke out. you opened your eyes from wiping the fallen mascara again and turning to see that he was looking at jake, who stood by the side of a pool with a pretty smile.

"i'm jake; what's you're name?"

"i'm cheol," he said proudly, "and this is y/n, my sister's friend." jake turned and looked at you at your mini introduction.

"i know who she is," jake smiled and nodded at you, "and i like wherever you are."

"jake! come inside for a second!" jay's voice called out from the now-opened back door.

jake nodded at you and cheol before smiling and walking to where jay had just disappeared.

it took you a second to figure out what he had meant- but then you realized it was an one ok rock song. it was a song from your favourite album of theirs- and a song that really meant a lot to you.

cheol splashing water at you again turns your mind away from the thoughts of sim jake likes the same music as you, and into a water fight as you continue to splash the younger boy with both of you muffly giggling.

jake and jay end up staying longer than jay had planned. jay realized that chaerin had no food prepared to feed you guys, making him suddenly want to cook for you all. he avoided jake's teasing eyes as he started to look around for some ingredients- and he most definitely avoided the love-sick eyes chaerin was giving him- he wouldn't dare lose himself in them when jake was standing right there.

jake now stands in the kitchen, watching you and cheol in the window. jay had left to go to the convenience store to pick up some final ingredients. chaerin went to her room to change into something more comfortable than her wet bikini. with it being the late afternoon, the sun's setting behind the houses, leaving the sky smeared with dark blues, purples, yellows and pinks. jake watches you on the edge of the pool, and he can't help but think that even with the sky being so many gorgeous colours, you are a million times more beautiful.

jay finishes the dinner quickly and hands a bowl of it to everyone. you help cut the pieces for cheol, as jay and chaerin talk or argue about something amongst each other.

you are chaerin's house again this week, along with her brother, jay and jake. you've become comfortable enough to just walk in. you get along with everyone, although you've never spoken to jake since he told you his favourite song.

it was somehow agreed between you four (five if you include cheol but chaerin said he has no say in anything) that you'd all just sleep at chaerin's house tonight. you weren't sure how to feel about it, never having a sleepover in your life. you can't even sleep at your own house, so you don't know how you'd be able to sleep in someone else's.

the night went fast as everyone seemed tired from the long week at school. chaerin and jay settled into her bed, leaving jake in the guest room, and you insisted on sleeping on the couch; you didn't want to wake up anyone with your constant twists and turns and humming.

jake, for once, struggles to fall asleep that night. he thinks he slept too much the day before- falling asleep right at 4pm when he got home from school and then fully waking up at 6am today. he lays awake in the guest bed, looking around the room, scanning the walls that he's never been in before. he's had a few sleepless nights before; it turns out that tonight will probably be one of them.

soon, jake has had enough of trying to get the sleep he probably doesn't need much of at this point and quietly hops out of bed and goes down the hall. he hears cheol's soft snores come from his bedroom as he walks by- and it makes him resent him in a way. he wished he could sleep like a little boy again.

in the living room, you're lying awake in your makeshift bed on the couch. you don't know if the reason you can't sleep is that you're uncomfortable sleeping in someone else's house or that you can't stop thinking about how big of a problem your trust issues are.

at this point, you just couldn't sleep- there was too much stuff on your mind. you got up to get your bag, careful to not cause a loud noise that would wake the people upstairs. you reach in to grab a cigarette that chaerin had given you a few weeks ago. you opened the off-white back door and walked out onto the small porch.

jake walked down the stairs and noticed the backdoor open, glancing over at the couch and seeing that you were gone. he walked towards the door to close it, figuring that you had left and accidentally left the door open.

jake saw you outside, sitting on one of the old wooden chairs as you looked out into the backyard. he watched you for a minute, trying to figure out why you were out there at this time of night. he creaked open the door, before stepping out onto the creaky plywood of the porch.

you jerked around, surprised that someone else was up at this time. you and jake looked at each other for a moment, unsure of what to do, and then you chuckled and patted the chair beside you for him to sit. jake closed the door behind him and sat down, copying how you were sitting.

"what're you doing up this late?" you asked, concern laced through your voice.

"couldn't sleep. what about you?"

"i couldn't sleep either."

you stuck your hand in the pocket of your hoodie and took out the cigarette and lighter. you stuck the cigarette in your mouth and lit it.

"you smoke?" jake asked, he knew chaerin smoked, but he didn't take you for the smoking kind.

"yeah," you shrugged, "it helps me relax." you exhaled and offered the cigarette to jake, which he refused.

you liked that someone was up with you at this time of night. busan always had someone up at this hour, no matter what, but it was nice to be up with someone beside you. the night was as calm as busan could get. the occasional train would go by, a car would drive down the street, and sometimes a laugh would echo around the neighbourhood.

jake liked that you were the one awake with him. every once in a while, he would take a little peek at you and notice something different. your cheekbones, the single freckles scattered around and how every time you inhaled from the cigarette, you closed your eyes, really taking in the moment. the smoke swirled around them, and the smell of your shampoo from your hair made jake wish that this moment wouldn't end, but he was starting to feel tired again somehow.

"i heard you're on the rugby team," you said, breaking the comfortable silence between you.

"yeah, and a few other sports teams."

"do you like it?"

"yeah, i guess. i liked it more when i was younger, i think."

the two of you went back to being silent again, both thinking of different things. jake thought about how his parents forced him into sports when he was younger and wished he had started playing an instrument instead. you think about what your dad and mom are doing as you sit awake with sim jake.

"do you ever want to leave busan?" it was jake, now breaking the silence.

"yeah, all the time."

"do you have anywhere you want to go?"

"madrid, in spain." you said, throwing your finished cigarette down onto the grass. "do you want to go anywhere?"

"anywhere in california with a beach."

"why with a beach?"

jake shrugged, setting his head on the chair behind him, "you know, hot beach chicks."

you scoffed at his response with a smile, "you think hot beach chicks would be into you?"

"well," jake thought for a moment; he had never been on a beach before, so he didn't know if he fit the requirements as a 'beach boy', "i'm sure one of them will be."

you nodded and laughed at him, "they said opposites do attract." you reached into your pocket again, untangling your headphones.

jake has thought about opposites attracting before- he's never been able to tell if it's true when it comes to people. jake's tried to imagine his 'dream girl' before, but it's always been someone that was similar to him- never such a different person. he thinks that maybe you're the closest thing to his dream girl- but he has no idea how truly different you two are.

you're tired and wish you could sleep- and jake is tired and wishes he couldn't.

but still, you sit outside on the porch, sharing headphones as you both listen to one ok rock, your minds drifting to different topics once again.

over the next few weeks, chaerin and jay started becoming closer. you didn't mind jay, but you didn't think that it was that great of him to keep chaerin a secret from everyone except for you and jake. the two of them were always around each other, and when they weren't, because jay had practice, chaerin would not stop talking about him.

jake and you started talking in passing in the halls or at chaerin's house when chaerin and jay would go up to her bedroom together. overtime, it felt like jake was becoming your only friend.

jake has been going to your house almost every day now. jake liked your house. it was quiet, and he felt addicted to it. your brothers don't come home until late at night, and your mother is always working. your family could also not stand the silence that had crept its way into their house.

the two of them were up in her room like usual. she was looking at her window on her bed, her elbows propped up on the sill. jake walked around her room, picking up some things he'd find and ask questions about them, only getting small answers from her.

slow music played from your record player. jake and you have found out that you share almost all of the same music tastes.

"did you sleep last night?" you had opened up to jake about your insomnia, so when he asked you this question, you weren't surprised.

"kind of, more than usual."

you like nights like these. the sun setting, leaving behind the neighbourhood for the night, and jake somewhere in your room with you. you like to think during times like this. you wonder what it would be like if you hadn't met chaerin- you probably wouldn't have jake then, either. you try to remember what it feels like to get an actual nine hours of sleep. times like these are only toleratable because of jake. you broke the silence that you've been learning to like.

"come on, i need to smoke."

the two have gone to sitting by the window and sharing a cigarette for weeks now. it relax's them, almost enough for them to feel okay. the bags under their eyes have begun to fade since they started hanging out.

they've begun to rely on each other, and it scared both of them. they feel as if they're the only ones who understand each other.

now, the smell of your perfume and smoke surrounds them as they stare out into busan.

"what do you want to be when you're older?" you ask, blowing smoke out the window. over the weeks, they've taken turns asking questions like this, similar to the ones they asked when they first sat outside on chaerin's porch.

"a singer, maybe an actor." his response shocked you, thinking he'd say some kind of athlete or coach. you liked the thought of seeing jake on your tv, another way that he could comfort her.

"what do you wanna be?"

"i don't know, i like psychology a lot."

"that would be fun; maybe then you could tell me what the fuck's wrong with me."

you chuckle and nudge jake, "aw, ya know nothing's wrong with you."

"i guess." jake shrugs and watches you inhale the cigarette. He notices that he's been happier, but only when he's with you. when you're gone, all he wants to do is lay in bed and sleep. or think of her.

"i miss dreaming," you confess suddenly; having twenty-minute quick naps doesn't allow you to really dream up anything.

"i don't. that's all i ever do- my mind doesn't stop with them it's like overflowing."

they go back to silence as jake stares at you again, taking in all your pretty features.

"what?" you smile once you notice him.

"nothing."

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

jake wakes up at 7pm, successfully sleeping through the weekend again. he expects the morning light to be seeping through his curtains but realizes that it's too late for that. his thoughts turn to you, wishing that you were there with him. telling him that it's okay. nothing's wrong with you; your voice is in his head.

he's gotten used to waking up in your bed and seeing you awake by the window. you'd be smoking probably, and your earring's getting glimpses of the moonlight. maybe you'd be humming or painting your nails. but now, he's alone in his bed. the guilt begins to wash into him again. he closes his eyes and listens to his family rummaging around the house.

"are you asleep?" his brother, jaesung's, voice invades jake's quiet room. the light from the hallway lights up the room slightly. jake's eyes open, but don't look at his brother. too guilty for not spending time with him again.

"no."

"are you okay?' jaesung's question almost makes jake scoff. do i seem okay?

"yeah. 'm fine."

jaesung knows that his brother is lying. he's been worrying about him for months. the whole family has been. it hurts him. jaesung and jake have always been close. they would play video games together and watch movies. jaesung feels as if he's lost a best friend.

the older brother protectiveness is basically seeping off of him as he continues to watch jake lie in bed. it reminded him of his mother when they were younger.

"how's jay? or sunghoon? i haven't seen them around recently?" jaesung asks but gets no response from jake. "or how's that girl? y/n?"

"she's tired."

the almost silent hoarse answer from jake uneases jaesung as he tries to think of how to talk to this stranger he once knew.

jake used to party every weekend with his friends. he loved going out and brightening up any room he walked into. he liked being popular at school and having people cheer for him in the stands at any of his games. but now, jake feels like he'd rather stay in bed than do any of those things. sports have become a chore to him.

"do you want y/n to come over? i'm sure dad won't care."

"yeah."

and now you and jake have seemed to switch places. he's sat on his bed, tugging at the string of his blanket, looking out his window. and you're wandering around, looking at his trophies and medals on his shelves. it's the first time you've been to his house. his room is what you expected; messy, and there's clothing everywhere, papers thrown, and the posters that jake's collected over the years are peeling off the walls. jake hasn't been able to clean his room since the summer.

"your dad seems nice." you speak from across the room.

"yeah, i guess."

jake wonders about your parents. he's seen a glimpse of your mom before when he was on the way to your house. you don't talk about them often, usually changing the subject. he knows that they hurt you.

maybe that's why you and him bond so well; you both have sleeping problems and problematic parents.

"do you know what you're going to study in college?" you ask him, changing the subject.

"kinesiology," jake stated, "it's the only thing i could really go for with all my history in the school's sports teams."

you nod your head at his words, "i'm sure you could do something else; you'll be good at anything."

jake scoffs, "maybe not anything, but there might be something else for me."

you continue to stare around his room, trying to find something else to talk about before you stand up. "i think i should head back home now." you figured that you shouldn't overstay your welcome at the sim house. it was the first time you had ever been there, and it was already getting late into the night.

"you don't wanna spend the night?" jake asks, turning from his window to look at you, "i sleep at yours all the time; it'll be fine."

"i don't know, j." you shrug, "my brother's been home all day; he'll be wondering where i went to this late at night."

jake hums in agreement at your words, "that's okay; maybe next time then."

"yeah, next time." you take a step towards his bedroom door. "have a good sleep, jake." you smile softly at him.

"be careful walking home."

"i will, i'll see you at school."

you close his door behind you, and as you go, you can feel a ripping in your heart.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

jake and you sit outside on their school's field, eating lunch together and daydreaming while listening to music. there's kids eating lunch on the other side of the field- and there are others that are kicking a ball around.

Halloween is just around the corner, and the weather resembles the holiday perfectly. it's gloomy, and leaves have fallen to surround you in a daze. although it's lunch, it feels like dusk. your jackets are zipped up, and you're sitting close to each other.

you pick up your sandwich, and your mind starts to wander off again. you think about sleep and how it feels. you wonder if your brothers are okay. you wonder if they think about you. you hate thinking about them like this because you know they aren't. they've never been the closest siblings, especially not now, with your parents basically abandoning you. being the youngest in your family, you feel like the rutt of them.

you would like to have a family like jake's; wealthy, loving, and they don't avoid each other like the plague. you know about his dad and his brother, but you've never really heard about his mom. you wonder what it must've been like to be held by a dad who loves you.

you watch jake out of the corner of your eye. the way he slowly eats, too caught up in his book to read fast. you wonder if he'll do his homework for once or go instantly to sleep when they get to your house after school. you wonder if he sleeps better at your house or his.

the breeze picks up and ruffles jake's books' pages.

"are you scared of anything, jake?"

he stops and looks up at you, pausing before he answers, "planes or turbulence. stuff like that."

"why?"

"uh, i'm not sure. maybe that's how i died in a past life."

"ah, you don't believe in that shit, do ya?" you nudge him with a smile.

jake does, if more than anything, he does .he thinks about how his mother used to talk about her fear of cars.

"what are you scared of?"

"ghosts." you smile at each other, jake shaking his head at you before returning to his book.

their walk home is spent by both of them complaining about how it's too early in the year to be so damn cold. her hands are freezing, and she wants to reach out and grab jake. but something forces her not to. she knows how jake feels about girls getting too close to him. it triggers some memories of him and his ex. she likes his warmth, though.

the past week, you had been sleeping for a bit, but only when jake's there. it's the warmth from him, you conclude. you finally feel not alone. his light breaths and the noises from busan remind you that you aren't going to be alone forever. you like knowing that jake will be there when you sleep.

when you step into your house, your brother, soobin, is sitting at the table. he's reading a textbook and looks deep in thought. he glances at you two and mumbles a quick 'hey' before you guys head upstairs to your bedroom to do your usual routine.

later in the night, jake is lying down on your bed. his eyes are closed, but he's not asleep. he's listening to you hum along to a song you both like as you lay down on your crossed arms on the window sill.

you were thinking about how jake used to date lee isa, the cheerleader. you never heard anything about her from him. he's told you about everyone in his life except for his mom and isa.

jake's listening to you hum until you're not, making him open his eyes and look at your slumped-over figure. "what're you thinking about?" he knows your habits so well now.

"you," you answer nonchalantly.

jake smiles and closes his eyes again, "yeah? and what about me?"

"you and isa." jake's smile drops at the mention of his ex's name.

"why are you thinking about that?"

he sees you shrug at the window, not looking at him, "you never mention her."

"well why would i mention her? we broke up months ago."

he hears you hum in response from the bottom of the bed where you sat cross-legged, "did you love her?"

jake sighs at your question, rubbing his face in annoyance. he hated thinking about chaeyoung. he blames her for triggering his sleep problems. he blames her for him falling out of love with sports. he blames her for why his whole life isn't fair.

he knows it's not right for him to blame her for everything. but he can't help it. blaming someone else is so much easier than blaming yourself.

"are you tired?" he asks you, avoiding the question you had asked.

"i'm always tired," you mumble into your arm, your eyes closed.

jake tsks, "i meant, are you tired enough to try to sleep."

you pause and think for a moment, "i could maybe sleep."

"come lay down then." you hear jake ruffle the blanket behind you, flipping it over, so you crawl in your blanket beside him.

your heartbeats quicken as you go under. the scent of jake completely taking over you even though you're in your bedroom. your back was facing him, trying to not get too close to him. you knew this was a bad idea, but when his arm reached around you to pull you close, tightening his grasp on you, you just couldn't get yourself to push him away.

jake's thumb found a way to slowly rub circles on your stomach that was showing due to jake's hoodie being pushed up your body from lying down. you that knew you should be stopping him, but you felt the calmest you have felt in years.

jake instantly fell asleep, having the best sleep he has had in a long time. you tried to sleep, but even though you were comfortable, you couldn't stop thinking about isa. you remembered a month ago when chaerin told you she and jake had a really messy breakup. the way jake changed the subject from her and being in love didn't sit right with you.

you felt like you knew mostly everything about sim jake, but you felt like he was holding something big back from you. you felt like you were holding things back from jake yourself.

you finally closed your eyes and fell asleep in jake's embrace, hoping that when you woke up, everything would still be okay between you two.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

the next day when you both woke up, it was okay between you two. you got ready for school and walked to school together. you didn't see your brother on the way out, figuring that he had already left, and possibly didn't even spend the night.

things at least seemed normal between you and jake. at lunch, chaerin came and sat with you outside. you hadn't seen the black-haired girl for a week, having been too caught up with her boyfriend. you figured that jake would make his way out and sit with the both of you, but he never came.

you thought that maybe he figured you wanted some alone time with your best friend. but chaerin didn't really feel like a best friend anymore. all the times you had hung out at her house and skipped classes together felt like nothing to you.

"jay said he wants me to meet his friends, finally." chaerin said, grabbing the cigarette from your hand and putting it in her mouth. "and god, when did you become such a smoker?"

you shrugged, "when is he going to get you to meet them."

"he didn't say." you rolled your eyes at her obliviousness that jay was definitely not planning on introducing them all any time soon. "and why do you keep looking over there? Are you waiting for someone?"

"what? no, sorry."

chaerin quirked an eyebrow up at you, "how are you and jake anyways?"

"me and jake? we're fine; what do you mean?"

"what you saying there's nothing between you and jake? i know you guys hang out a lot."

"we're just friends, chae." you rested your head against the cement wall, looking at your friend.

"mhm." chaerin smirked at you but decided to leave it.

jake didn't meet you at your locker at the end of the day like he usually does, so you can walk home together. you waited twenty minutes before you realized he probably wasn't coming and you should just go home.

your mind began to worry that maybe you had upset jake- or weirded him out in some way last night. it was the first time that you two had shared a bed together and had gotten some decent sleep- or at least you had gotten some sleep; maybe jake didn't.

he didn't answer your text when you got home from school, so you figured or more so hoped that he had just fallen asleep and that he would get back to you later.

but actually, jake had left school early.

he went to tell you that he was leaving at lunch, but he saw that you were sitting with chaerin and didn't want to bother you. plus, he knew that you would want to leave too if you knew he was leaving. and jake just wanted to be alone for a minute.

jake woke up with anxiety in his chest that morning with you laying peacefully beside him. the scene honestly reminded him of chaeyoung and how many times they had slept together back when jake had an actual normal sleeping routine.

it made jake think of your question the night before 'did you love her?' and it honestly made him feel worse.

the whole reason he and chaeyoung broke up was because jake didn't say those three 'special' words back to chaeyoung. she gave him time to find out if he really loved her, but time didn't help those feelings develop. if anything, they stayed stagnant even more.

their breakup was messy since everyone in the school knew about the two of them dating. isa was a popular cheerleader, and jake was a popular athlete. he thought that chaeyoung and he were really similar, but in fact, they had nothing in common besides the fact that they were both popular.

chaeyoung lost herself in the high school popularity like jake used to. it was their breakup that brought jake out of that reality. he wished he could've stayed in it a bit longer-

but then he wouldn't have met you.

sure, he would've maybe seen you around since he knew you and chaerin were friends, but he definitely would not have gone out of his way to talk to you- especially if he was still dating isa.

jake liked hanging out with you. it was different than when he was with chaeyoung.

because while he dated her, he realized that when they were in public, he was dating isa, but when they were in private, he was dating chaeyoung. and he couldn't keep up with her double life.

with you, it was so much easier. you were yourself so he could be himself. at least, he tried to be. at least he could be.

the whole messy breakup that involved the whole cheerleading team scowling and glaring at him every time one of them saw him, and all of his team members annoyed him by asking, 'how could you let the hottest girl in the school dump you?'. It all had an effect on jake, and he thought that he was working on it- and it was easier to work on it since he was with you all the time.

he's started to rely on you, and he's scared. he doesn't want to put his all into someone just for them to walk away- he thinks maybe that's what chaeyoung felt with him. but now he's too tired to think anymore, and he just wants to go to bed.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

jake shakes awake on his own later on. the guilt and anxiety bubbling up too much within him that it wakes him up. he feels hopeless and stupid. why can't he shake this sadness away that has him feeling like he's sinking?

jake looks across his messy bedroom at his old rugby jersey and can't figure out why he's lost so much interest in it. he used to love running around and playing with the ball, nowadays, he can't even pick it up.

his first thought is how he wants you. but he knows tha tyou're dealing with your stuff. he thinks to himself that he's just another bother to you- and he can't have himself relying on someone else.

and now jake is hysterically crying. for months, he's been feeling like he's been holding all of this in. it's like he's crying out his whole thought process. he's shaking in his bed, and he can't seem to stop.

"jake?" jaesung's voice invades his bedroom again like the week before. "what's wrong?"

he doesn't get an answer as jake continues to cry. he can't even see jaesung because of the tears overflowing. it's not like he wants to anyways. he's been hurting his first best friend for months now.

jaesung sits down on the bed beside his younger brother. a hand resting on jake's shoulder, rubbing circles and shushing him.

it takes a few minutes for jake to calm down, jaesung staying with him the entire time- to both of them, it feels like an eternity.

"move over; let me lie down."

the sim brothers lie on their backs and stare up at the posters on jake's ceiling that you had taped back up properly for him. it's silent between them. jaesung struggles to find words to say. he's never seen anyone like this besides their mom.

"mom's probably disappointed in me." jaesung thinks out loud, mainly to himself.

"why you?"

"because i've let my brother feel like this for so long." jaesung pauses before continuing, "i've tried to help you, but i just never know how." jake reminded jaesung of their mother so much. they keep their emotions hidden and never talk about it until it's too late.

jaesung hates it.

he hates that the trait has gone into his brother. a part of him wishes that he was the one to inherit it instead.

"i never know how, either."

it's silent between them again, until jake starts quietly crying again.

"i miss mom, jae."

"me too."

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

soobin is sitting at the kitchen table when you come downstairs in the morning for school. he's already dressed for work, and it makes you scared to go downstairs- as if you were to you'd guys would fight like usual.

"hey soob," you say as you make your way across the kitchen to get your school bag. it's the first time in a while that you actually get to look at your older brother. soobin and you are only three years apart, which is closer in age than your oldest brother.

when you were younger, soobin and you used to look exactly like your mother. you all had the same eyes and lips and dark, straight hair. your oldest brother looks identical to your father- and you wonder if he even sees your dad when he looks in the mirror.

"are you going to school today?" soobin asked with a surprised tone, he knows how much you skip it.

"yeah, i am."

"going to all of your classes?"

"yeah, i am." you roll your eyes at him with a smirk.

the conversation with your older brother resembles how they used to be before your dad left. it was like you were still close brother and sister instead of strangers that were somehow related. you wonder if this would be the last time you'd see soobin for a while; him disappearing for a month is not uncommon.

"have a good day at school then, y/n." soobin stares at you, unsure what to say to you as you stare back at him with your hand on the front door's knob.

you smile at him, "i won't." you wish you could stay at home with your brother for a little longer, but school is waiting, and chaerin says she has something important to tell you. "see you." the siblings nod their heads at each other, and it already feels like they've gone back to being strangers.

at school, you sat through your lunch confused as to why you hadn't seen even a glimpse of jake. chaerin sat with you at lunch, where you only gave vague answers to her new rant of problems she's been having with jay that you're sure you've heard before.

you walked past the rugby team in the hall and didn't see that brown shaggy head of hair that you had analyzed so many times in your bedroom late at night.

you didn't even see park jay in the herd of athletes. the rest of them didn't like too familiar to you, but you've seen a couple of them in pictures on jake's shelves or in his phone that he showed you. the captain of the rugby team, lee heeseung, was the only one that noticed you scanning them as you walked by, earning a curious look from him before you walked away.

you saw chaerin at her locker farther down the hall, deciding to ask her if jay was at school today.

chaerin scoffed at your question, rolling her eyes and turning back to rummage through her locker for something.

"what?" you asked her, confused at her response.

"if you actually listen to me when i speak, then you'd know he wasn't here." chaerin stated, "and why do you suddenly care about my boyfriend?"

"because i'm wondering where jake is i-."

"oh of course," chaerin slams her locker door shut, "jake this, jake that, whatever! i know that you guys bonded over... whatever sleeping problems you have going on, but you didn't have to ditch me for your boyfriend or whatever. i didn't ditch you; at least i try to tell you things, but you're always caught up with jake."

"he's- he's not my boyfriend, chae."

chaerin scoffs at your response, shaking her head and looking away from you. "that's really all you got from what i just said?"

"no! i heard the rest! and i'm sorr-!"

"just leave it, y/n, i'll see you around maybe." chaerin turns on her heel and heads to class, leaving you standing alone in the hallway as the bell rings for last period to commence.

you really struggled through your last period, walking in late, earning a warning from your teacher, staring at your classmates and worrying about jake and chaerin on your mind throughout it.

as soon as the final bell rang, you went straight to jake's house. you've only been to his house once before, but you've walked him home a few times, so you knew exactly where to go. you wondered why jake hadn't answered your text all day when everything seemed fine the day before.

walking up to the house, you see a boy that you had learnt the name of through jake, park sunghoon, leaving jake's house. he looked tired and his hair which jake described as 'always had to be perfect' was messy. he sauntered down the porch steps and started walking down the street away from you, not paying attention to the Halloween decorations that people were starting to put out for the year.

you waited a minute, kicking the fallen leaves on the sidewalk before walking any closer to jake's house, contemplating whether or not you should really be doing this. but nonetheless, you walk up to the white front door of the sim house and knock.

an equally tired-looking park jay opens the door. he looks much different than how he usually portrays himself in the hallways at school and on the sports field. you almost laugh at the thought that this is what jake and you must look like to other people with his messy hair and dark circles under his eyes.

jay looks confused to see you standing there but still greets you, "hey, y/n." "hi, why weren't you at school today?" you looked up at the rugby player. "no reason, just didn't want to go." jay hated lying, and he hated people who lied. but he realized that he had been lying a lot recently, not just to other people but to himself. "is jake here?" you could hear jay's breath hitch as you asked the question he knew was coming. "um, i don't think you should see him right now. he's sleeping and was in a bad mood earlier." the silence between them was awkward and uncomfortable. you moved nervously on your feet, as if it was the first time you had ever spoken to jay all over again. still, you nodded your head, acknowldging what jay had said. jay looked over your visibly tense body. he scanned you from head to toe, watching your finger start to tap against your upper thigh. over the years, jay had come knowledgable to when someone tapped their finger against their thigh repeatedly: they needed a smoke. it was a common habit in the house he'd grown up in, "come on, let's go to the backyard."

- jay sat cross-legged, picking and playing with the leaves and grass on the ground. you lay beside him, blowing smoke rings. it was now a somewhat comfortable silence between the two, different from how it had been minutes before. you watched the mid-afternoon clouds roll against the sky in a somewhat slow manner, your smoke mixing in. "Did something happen last night with jake?" you broke the silence.

"i mean, he probably doesn't want me saying anything." you sat up as jay confessed.

"he doesn't want to see me?"

"not today, no. he's tired."

you sighed, "he's always tired."

you were sick of the game that jay was playing. you knew something happened, and you wanted to know what. your first thought was that you had said something or maybe sleeping in the same bed had triggered something in jake. if jake didn't want to be your friend anymore, he could've said it himself. you're used to people leaving.

so, you left jay playing in the grass and leaves and walked home. you held back the tears that were threatening to fall.

sim jake was now just some other person that left you behind.

but still, jake's sweet laugh echoes through your mind.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- it has been twelve days since you had last seen jake. you haven't been going to school. you don't see the point in it. the only reason why you went to school before is now gone. you don't think you could go anyways. you haven't slept for more than an hour in five days. the school has called your house to inform your mom about your absence, but it's no use because she isn't home. you've gotten used to the quietness again, and you wish you hadn't. you try to not think about jake, but you can't help imagining him lying beside you in your bed, laughing. his shaggy hair shaking with his movement and his warmth surrounding you. sometimes, you think you can really hear him calling your name, but you realize that it is just because you're sleep deprived.

today is halloween, and you knew what you would be.

you'd be alone like you have been for the past weeks.

you spend your days quietly in your quiet house. you listen to the chaos of busan from your window. most days, you smoke cigarettes and read the old poetry you found in your mother's drawers.

other days, you're in the bath, listening to the water run around you. you like to imagine then that you're starting fresh with everything. that when you get out, everything will be okay. but the only thing that will make all this okay is if jake would be there.

when you find yourself in your kitchen, you sit on the island looking out the window into the backyards of the neighbourhood. you sit there for a while sometimes and lose track of time so easily. you feel like you sit there for five minutes, but it's been an hour. everything moves by so quickly. you used to like being alone in the quiet, but now it's just so lonely.

tonight, the sky darkened quickly, and kids in Halloween costumes swarmed the streets. you kept the front porch light off, not wanting any kids to come knocking on the door. you sat on the couch, watching true romance. with the house being so still, you welcomed the company of the tv. the movie was at the part where clarence had fought alabama's pimp. his face being shown as bloody and his knuckles sore. you couldn't help but think of jake, knowing how hurt he got when his rugby team broke out into fights with the opposite teams.

when the movie ends two hours later, you fall asleep on the couch. the way you've been falling asleep recently is a lot different than how you used to. you're called up in a ball, a frown on your face. when you're actually asleep, you dream of jake for a moment.

it's always the same dream: he's alone in his room, on his bed, with an unlit cigarette in his hand. tears have been streaming down his face for hours, frustrated with himself for not being able to be who he used to be- that happy jake that everyone loved. then, you walk into his room. his face lights up automatically, and pats a spot beside him, motioning for you to sit with him. you curl yourself into jake's side, his arm over your shoulder. he lets the cigarette drop from his hand and onto his messy floor.

and then he falls asleep happily. you like that thought: the thought of how you're the only person-the only thing that can get jake to sleep with a smile on his face.

you feel wetness on your face suddenly.

"y/n? y/n!"

your eyes open, and you realize it's raining and dark outside. it feels like you have been asleep for days, but in reality, it has only been two hours. a sensation of coldness runs through your body, making you shiver.

a feeling of warmth being placed on your forearm makes you turn your head to side.

"jake?"

"are you okay?" you stare at him, not believing that after two weeks, he's standing in front of you. "come on, let's go inside." he wraps his whole body around you, trying to keep you warm from the rainy Halloween night.

you lay in your bed, blankets upon blankets cover you. your head is titled so you can look out the window, facing away from jake. he sits on a chair that he has brought up from downstairs.

he watches you, your eyes glowing from the streetlight through the window. the bags under your eyes have never looked worse, and he wonders how much you've slept in the past weeks.

it's been quiet for a long time between you two. jake notices that it's the same kind of quiet that's been shed through his house. his dad and jaesung are home more, but they barely talk anymore.

jay and sunghoon have been around a few times. heeseung even came with them once. jake can tell that something is wrong with them all- its like they're keeping a secret and he's the only one that's not in on it. he was still grateful that his friends came and checked up on him, but still, all he could think about what how happier he'd be if he was with you.

"how did i end up outside? how did you find me?" you finally speak, breaking the silence.

"you were standing at the corner, just staring. i saw you on my way back from the convenience store."

for the past week and a half, jake has been going to the small store late at night. he wanders the aisles, trying to find something to distract himself from thinking about you. he thinks it worked at first, picking up random chocolate bars and wondering where they had been before. Still, then he remembered he had seen you at his exact convenience store before.

it was the summer before, jay and him were there, picking out drinks that they could bring to the party with them, when the door's bell chimed, signifying that someone had come inside the store. jay was bent down, skimming over the pop flavours and reading them out to jake while he glanced over his shoulder at the door.

jake saw you start wandering the aisle by the cash register, smiling at the man behind the counter. jake remembers thinking how cute your messy hair was as it wrapped around your headphones. he thought you were cute with your shaky hands reaching out to place a single chocolate bar on the counter and paying.

jay distracted him then, handing him multiple bottles of soda for him to hold. he turns around just in time to see you leave the store, your messy hair turning the corner towards your house.

jake wondered then that maybe if he hadn't met chaeyoung that night at the party, he might have thought about you again, gone back to that convenience store and seen you, ask you about what song you were listening to. maybe then he wouldn't feel as shitty as he does now.

jay told him that you haven't been going to school either, which worried him. he wanted you to get good grades and graduate. he wanted you to go to college and study psychology. he wanted you to be successful and get out of busan unlike him, who would be stuck here forever.

jake's been in your room a relentless amount of times before, but now, he's sitting in this chair as if it's his first time again. your damp hair is sprawled out around your head on your pillow, your old, wet clothes are hung up in the bathroom, and you're wearing one of jake's old shirts that he had left over on accident a few weeks ago.

"i missed you, y/n."

jake smiles, the same pretty smile that you've gotten used to. it makes your chest hurt at the thought of how much you've missed it.

"did you?"

jake nods, "i thought about you a lot, and i'm sorry we had to stop talking for a bit."

it's silent in the room again until you throw open your blanket on one side, patting the spot next to you. "it's okay."

jake slides into bed next to you, covering his body up and now laying so your arms were brushing against each other.

jake closes his eyes, and you imagine that he's thinking about what it would be like if they had never stopped talking. how close would they be now? how many more inside jokes and songs would they have known?

"i'm really sorry though, i am. i just-." jake pauses, making you turn your head to you're looking at each other. "i had some shit to deal with, and i didn't want to bring you into it."

your faces are close to each other as you scan the other's faces. you've been close to each other like this before, but this time it feels different. it feels like you're being sucked into each other like you're slowly being pieced together forever. you bite your lip before asking, "are you okay now?"

"yeah, i am, but i-."

"then, it's okay. and let's sleep because i'm tired, and i feel like i can actually sleep tonight."

"why tonight?"

"because you're here."

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

jake and you decide to skip school when you wake up the next day. the rain from last night has stopped and left everything dampened and feeble. it almost feels odd to be around each other again, like you're forbidden to be together, but there's nothing actually forbidding it.

jake falls into your routine almost instantly, sitting around your house in silence, but not alone anymore. you're smoking as he reads beside you; music from your mother's record player is filling the lack of conversation.

you want to ask jake what had happened exactly that made him turn away from you. you wanted to ask if it would ever happen again and if you should prepare for it. you had so many questions to ask, but you kept quiet. if he wanted to tell you, then he would. he's said he's sorry, and you aren't sure if you're just naive to believe it or not. but you do, and you're so glad he's back beside you.

you glance over at the book that jake found on the old bookshelf you have in your house. your dad used to read to you all when you were younger; he's the only one that ever kept up with the collection of books on those shelves. now, they go untouched- the first person to even look at the thing in years was jake.

he's picked up romeo and juliet, you can see the star-crossed lovers on the faded cover. the pages are yellow from the oxidation over the years- and it makes you think, when did your dad buy the book.

"why're you reading that?"

jake puts his thumb on the part of the page he was on and looks at you. "i don't know, it's good." you make a disgusted expression on your face, making him laugh. "have you ever read it?"

"no, but i know what it's about."

"okay well, i'll read it to you and then you can see what it's really about."

you shrug before bending over to the table and putting your cigarette out in the empty coffee mug. you move so that you're lying down with your head in jake's lap, romeo and juliet is just above your head as jake opens the book and begins to read where he left off.

..."my bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep. the more i give to thee, the more i have, for both are infinite."...

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

walking into school for the first time in three weeks was nerve-wracking. not many people at your school knew of your existence, but the stares you received made your hands shake in your sweater's pockets. they were most likely staring because sim jake had returned too and was walking next to you, but still, their eyes never left yours.

you couldn't tell if jake was as nervous as you. you figured that jake was used to being in the spotlight. he was used to having everyone's attention on him as soon as he walked into a room. but that was before he got depressed- before the dark, twisted thoughts started seeping into his mind and made him confused about who he really was.

you feel jake's hand slip into your pocket, latching onto your hand and lacing his fingers with yours. you figured he had felt your anxious behaviour beside him; it was something you had noticed he picked up easily ever since you became friends.

there was a split of students in the hallway, everyone moving out of the way when they saw someone coming from behind them.

isa stood in the middle of the hallway in front of you and jake. her high ponytail swung down and over her shoulder as she kept an unamused expression on her face. her arms were crossed over her chest, covering the school's logo on her cheerleading uniform. her eyes scanned you and jake, leading down to where jake's hand disappeared into your pocket.

jake ripped his hand away from you, seeing how isa's eyes turned darker at the physical contact between you two. your heart clenched at the action, but you knew it was probably for the best of your and jake's lives at the moment.

"hi, jakey." isa spoke with a fake smile on her red lips. jake answered with a quiet greeting back, trying to avoid her eyes. "so, who's this?" isa looked at you, "and why are you holding her hand?"

"we're friends." jake's statement is short but to the point and for some reason it makes your chest feel empty. like there's a dreading feeling growing there, and you aren't sure when it started.

isa's face contorts into a disgusted expression as she looks at you again. this time you can tell she's judging everything about you as her eyes look you up and down, resting longer on your hair before looking back to jake. "i thought you had a better taste in friends but i guess i was wrong."

you tried to hold back your laugh at her words, looking down at your shoes and biting your lip. she was so bold, so opinionated that she obviously didn't think more about her words before she spoke.

"why is that funny?" isa speaks to you, stepping forward, so she is right in front of you. you look up at her and can only shrug. "do you agree? are you self-aware that you look like shit?" the rest of the cheerleaders laugh behind her. "do you know what concealer is? god those bags."

"chaeyoung." jake warns with frustration.

"what?" she looks away from you, "god, you need some concealer too." she shakes her head and steps back from you both, "what the fuck do you guys do together to look so awful?"

"do you have to be a piece of shit?" you all turn and see chaerin standing beside you now, an annoyed look on her face as she stares isa down.

"oh great, the school's ashtray is here." isa rolls her eyes, and the students in the hallway start laughing.

"well," chaerin starts, pulling out a cigarette and putting it in her mouth, "at least i'm not the school's slut." the laughing stopped instantly at chaerin's statement.

"me?" isa points to herself in shock, "i'm the slut? what about you? you go around fucking everything in sight!"

"you better shut your fucking mouth, isa." jay cuts in suddenly, walking in front of you all to stand before isa. "just for once, shut up." you could see chaerin go frigid as jay spoke in front of you.

"what the hell are you doing, jay?" isa asks, her arms crossing over her chest again.

"i'm obviously telling you to fuck off."

isa scoffs, "and why's that? it's not like you've ever seen jake in months. all he does is run around with those two... things." she nods her head at you and chaerin.

"because he's still my friend," jay turns and looks at jake, making eye contact with you, "they're both my friends. and she's my girlfriend," he points at chaerin, "so like i said before, shut your fucking mouth about any of them, or better yet, just shut up about everyone and mind your own business!"

the students gasped when chaerin came beside jay, wrapping their arms around each other's backs.

isa scoffs once again before looking at jake over jay's shoulder, "you're an idiot for losing me, jake, i hope you realize that." she turns on her heel and disappears down the hall, her cheerleader friends following behind her.

the bell rings to start the day of classes, making the students groan and start heading to their class. it leaves the four of you in the hallway together. all looking at each other, unsure of what to say.

it's chaerin that breaks the silence first, "i'm sorry, y/n. for our fight a few weeks ago."

"no, it's okay. you were right, i was being a bit selfish when it came to my feelings."

"no, i was being selfish. all i ever did was talk about me, i never even gave you a chance to speak or ask how you are."

"it's okay, chae, don't worry about it."

"we're still friends?" chaerin asks sheepishly, playing with her hair nervously.

"of course, we are!"

chaerin grins at you before wrapping you up in a tight hug. "good! because you're like my only friend besides him!" she points at jay, who only rolls his eyes. "and i can't believe you stood up for us! where the hell did that come from?"

"she deserved everything i said," jay explains, "i don't know why she thinks she's so above everyone." jake stays quiet beside you, both of you watching chaerin kiss jay before they say their goodbyes to you quickly, chaerin pulling jay down the hall as they giggle.

"are you okay?" jake asks you, "i'm sorry for what she said, i should've said something, but-"

"jake, it's okay, i don't care what she said about me." jake nods, kicking the floor gently with his foot. "are you okay?"

"yeah, it's just weird that that was the first time I've spoken to her since we've broken up, i guess she's still mad at me."

"she'll get over it."

jake scoffs, "yeah, and hopefully soon."

"i'll see you after school, right jakey?" you ask, mocking isa's nickname for him.

jake only nudges you before walking away with a genuine smile. you watch him disappear down a hall before you head outside. you were already late to class, so you might as well just not go,

maybe you'll go to second period.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

it rains for the majority of november. everyday jake and you share an umbrella as you walk to and from school together. he holds the umbrella so you can smoke. sometimes you hold the umbrella as jake finds a good song to put on as you share headphones.

it still rains the day that jake has somehow persuaded you to go to a party with him. he has been feeling better recently. he's still quiet at school, but he spends more time with you laughing than he does reading and listening to music in silence. his smile makes you feel better, and you wonder if he's picked up on that habit of yours like he has with your anxious tics.

the sky is dark navy blue as you walk with jake to the party. the neighbourhood has been quiet for the rest of the afternoon; the night will most likely remain just as quiet. you wish you could say the same for yourself, aware that your night will consist of loud teenagers and the bass of probably shitty music that you nor jake are very fond of.

jake holds your hand until you arrive at the party, pulling his away when you step inside lee heeseung's house. you've noticed that jake doesn't hold your hand in public like he does when you're alone, but you don't bring it up to him, knowing that you probably won't like his answer as to why he does it.

jake says he'll see you in a little bit when you both find chaerin and then he's disappearing into the crowd of people that go to your school, but you have no idea who they are.

you and chaerin are sitting on some chairs close to a window at the backdoor. you imagine that it's just you and chaerin in this house, and you're waiting for jay and jake to return for you both. you ask her about cheol, and if he still wants to join the army when he's older.

the sun officially set an hour ago, so now the backyards are only lit up by the street lamps. there are a few kids in the backyard; a couple kissing on the bench swing, two girls taking turns drinking out of a wine bottle and a boy smoking by himself in the far back corner. even though the music is loud and every now and then there is a too loud of a scream from someone, it's relaxing.

you let your mind start to wander again. it's the first time in a while that you let yourself think about deep things. it starts with your parents, your mystery brothers and then jake.

you've thought about being jealous of jake's life every now and then. you almost always get over the feeling, but it still stays in your head. it's how he's always been popular and good-looking and how he gets the prettiest girl in your school to fall for him. it's the way that he can sleep while you can only sleep for a few hours if he's the one that holds you. you've heard him talk in his sleep a few times; the mention of the word 'mom' slips out his mouth the most often, followed by jaesung's.

you're glancing around the party then, easily finding jake being the centre of attention. you watch him, feeling creepy and guilty as you do it. it's like you're watching him from a time in his life that you weren't a part of. like he doesn't know you exist, and he won't want you watching him. it's almost like you're spying on him. he's laughing, throwing his arm over some guy you've never seen before but figuring that the two of them are friends.

you're wondering then what will happen tonight. will jake realize that he misses all the parties he's always gone to? will he realize that he doesn't belong with someone like you? you wonder if he doesn't need you anymore. he has been sleeping regularly and laughing more. you wonder if the change in him after tonight will be like clockwork; inevitable and easy to happen.

"y/n," chaerin taps your shoulder, gaining your attention. the girl's black hair is braided back tonight, letting her pretty facial features be noticeable. "are you okay? you're shaking." chaerin's still been keeping an eye on you for the past month. she's also noticed that jake's been feeling better, but you seem to stay the same. the dark shades of purple under your eyes have disappeared, but she knows you still aren't up to your best point yet.

you become aware of your shaking knees and hands, making them stop at once. "yeah, i'm fine." you brush your sweaty hands against the fabric of your jeans. you glance back at jake for a second, seeing that he's already staring at you now. you aren't sure if he caught the worried look on chaerin's face for a second or your fake smile at her afterwards, but he's nodding his head at you for you to go somewhere together.

"i'm gonna go with jake for a second." chaerin nods, leaning back in her chair again and relighting her cigarette. you walk over to the front of the living room, where jake stands waiting for you.

"you wanna go outside?"

the early december air is cold on the balcony of lee heeseung's house. you and jake sit side by side on the couch, your hands brushing against each other so that you both don't want to be the first one to grab the other's hand. your hair is down and messy again, something that is unpreventable but in a pretty way. in a way that jake is sure you have no idea about, but he understands it more than anyone else ever will. from afar, they most definitely look like just friends, but up close, it's evident that there is something deeper between them in natural light.

"what's your favourite song? of all time." you have listened to the same music since you were born. you grew up listening to your dad's rock bands and your mother's classic 80s records.

"probably something by the neighbourhood. or something that would piss my parents off. they don't like my music very much."

"they don't like rock or alternative music?"

jake scoffs, shaking his head, "most definitely not; they were always the good-two-shoes type of kids in high school and college- rock music was not something they listened to." you nod your head as you listen to him. "what's your favourite song? of all time."

you think, looking up at the starry sky and imagining yourself being able to only listen to one song for the rest of your life. being able to be content with that one single song. music was something that controlled your life; you couldn't do anything without it.

"i don't know, there's so many good songs. so many songs that make me happy."

"yeah, i figured you say something like that." jake laughs, taking a sip from his red solo cup.

'what does that mean?"

"it means that i've been with you almost every day for three months; if you don't have your headphones in then, you're using that old-ass record player."

"music sounds better on that old-ass record player."

"music sounds better when you're drunk." jake tips his cup up and finishes it; you only smile in return.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

the walk back to jake's house is silent besides your few huffs of struggle from holding jake up. he's too drunk to make any real conversation at the moment. you've both been sleeping pretty well lately, considering your old sleeping habits, and you wonder how jake will sleep tonight. you hope that after tonight the way he looks at you will be the same as when he watches you smoke out the window while humming.

when they get inside jake's bedroom finally, he plops down immediately on his bed. you see that his room is still undesirably messy as if he doesn't even notice it anymore.

jake strips off his sweater so that he's in his jeans and t-shirt. his hair is just as messy as your own as he flips over onto his back. the moonlight outside is shining through his window and is the only light in his room.

you watch him from the closed door of his bedroom, like the first time she did when she came over. you've never seen jake drunk before, but you've heard stories of it. he always made being drunk sound like something fun- but the memories you have with your drunk dad are the opposite.

"you're beautiful, y/n." he smiles that pretty smile of his at you, but his eyes are more slugged than they usually are.

you only scoff in response as you make your way to his bed, grabbing his duvet so pull it over him.

"do you not believe me?"

"not really, no." you said, tucking in the blanket,

"you are, though, so, so beautiful." jake closes his eyes then, and you're staring at him in the moonlight, taking in his cheekbones and heart-shaped lips. you want to tell him that he's beautiful, too.

"you're drunk." you stand up away from him. "i'm gonna go home so I'll see you tomorrow if you're not too hung over."

"don't go, y/n." you turn and stare at him, his eyes looking worried as your hand rests on the doorknob. "just spend the night, you know we sleep better when we're together."

you sigh and think about it; you've never slept over at jake's before. he smiles at you from his pillow when you're standing over his bed again, untucking the blanket you had just tucked. you're slipping in carefully beside him, his cologne engulfing you. jake tucks your hair behind your ear, moving it away from his face so he can see you.

"thank you." jake whispers out as if it was some sort of secret that no one else could hear.

you chuckle, "you don't have to thank me."

"yeah i do," jake nustles his face into your shoulder, "you're the reason i'm happy."

you try to think of a response, feeling your heart beat faster at the spoken words you had only imagined him saying before. before you can think of anything, you hear his soft breaths in your ear, his body going limp beside you as he starts to sleep peacefully.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

jake wakes up in the morning with a headache. the night before was the first time that he had drank in months, and he had drunk a lot. all he can think about when he wakes up is how thirsty he is, he needs an advil and where are you.

he reaches down on the floor beside his bed to grab his sweater that he had thrown off the night before, getting easily frustrated when he can't find it, forcing himself to sit up and look. he's taken aback a bit when he sees that his room doesn't even look like his room anymore. it's not necessarily clean, but the garbage and clothes all over the floor are gone, and his desk is tidy of any papers and pens thrown on it. he instantly knows that you did it; no one else would.

jake walks downstairs and finds you sitting at the table with jaesung and his dad. they're smiling as they talk to you. it brings jake a sense of something he's never felt before. he can't help but compare them to when they had first met chaeyoung. they weren't as happy to see her, they didn't like the way she acted or spoke or 'bossed' jake around.

the creaking on the floor under jake's feet made them turn and look at him, their smiles growing bigger when they saw him. "hey." they greeted him back, asking him how he slept.

jake stood beside you, and you stared up at him, "i'm gonna go now, soobin texted me, and he wants me home."

"okay, do you want me to walk with you?"

"no, i'm okay." you head towards the door, saying bye to jaesung and his dad. jake leans on the wall and watches you put your shoes and jacket on before opening his front door for you.

"thanks for getting me home safe and cleaning my room." jake smiles softly, almost like he's embarrassed to say thank you now.

"it's no problem." you step out onto his porch, "i'll see you tomorrow at school?"

"yeah, tomorrow, be safe, y/n."

"i will." you turn and start to go down the stairs of the porch until he calls your name once again. "yeah?"

jake scratches the back of his neck, "i uh, i meant what i said last night." you tilt your head at his words, "the uh, i think you're beautiful, and you make me happy, i wasn't just drunk and saying shit out of my ass."

you smile up at him, "okay." you nod, "i'll see you tomorrow, j. have a good sleep tonight."

"you too."

jake closes the door then, taking a deep breath for no reason in particular. he wonders how he will sleep tonight now that you're physically gone because he knows you'll be taking up his mind.

your mother is already home when you get home, and she is not in a good mood. you can tell how she is as soon as you get in the door; she's sitting at the kitchen table with her hand on her forehead, pushing back her hair. soobin is sitting beside, leaning back in the chair and looking like he wishes he could be anywhere but there.

they both look up when you close the front door. your mother looks like how she always does; angry but pretty.

"where have you been?" your mom asks, "i got home last night, and neither of you were here. Do you even live here when i'm gone?"

"i was at a friend's house, i slept over." you shrug off your jacket and hang it up, trying to avoid your mother's angry gaze. you glance at soobin who is picking at a loose thread on his sweater. you stand beside the table, looking down at both of them now.

"which friend is this?" your mom turns her nose up at you, "because you smell of men's cologne and cigarettes."

"jake."

"a boy? you slept over at a boys' house?" you mom exclaims, shock on her face. "were his parents home?"

you hold back a scoff at her questions, choosing to look away at the floor. "y/n, i'm talking to you." you look up at your mom with a bored expression on your face. "are you going to answer?"

"why do you care if his parents were home? it's not even like you're home or even a parent at this point." you see soobin look away with a grin on his face, knowing that your words were true and wishing that he could say the same thing.

"i'm not a parent? then who raised you?"

"soobin, yeonjun, dad."

your mother sighs at the mention of your father but chose to not comment on it like she can't even say his name for some reason. "has anyone even heard from yeonjun?" when it stays silent, your mom only sighs again. "well can you try to contact him, please? because i want him to know, i won't be here for christmas."

"you what?" you and soobin exclaim but not moving.

"some coworkers and i need to go to cuba during that week to sort out a few details about a business plan."

"so you're going on vacation on christmas?" soobin deadpans, shaking his head at your mother.

"no, i'm going on a business trip."

"in cuba." you point out.

"for a week." soobin adds on. "why can't you just leave after christmas?"

"because we need to leave on the 22nd." your mother shakes her head before standing up. it remains silent as she gathers her suitcase and jacket. "well, this is not how i expected to spend my day off. i wanted to come home to a house full of my kids and spend some quality time together, but instead, no one's home, and we fight! so thanks a lot!" your mother sighs, rubbing her forehead again because she's angry, "I'll see you later in the week. Hopefully, you'll be home then." she opens the front door, "and please, find yeonjun!"

your mom leaves you and soobin in the silence both of you have gotten used to. soobin avoids the silence at most times, spending nights at his friends' houses, his college or at his girlfriends' house. you're stuck in this house for another year; at least for some of it, you'll get to be with jake.

you don't exchange any words with soobin as he starts to get ready to leave the house for the day, not bothering to tell you where he's going because you're already making your way up the stairs to your bedroom, trying to process the idea of spending christmas alone. the only reason your brothers came home for christmas morning was so that your mother was happy- but now she's not coming, so it'll just be you alone in this sickly quiet house.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

you're used to spending the first days of winter vacation alone. your house is not only quiet during those days, but it gets extremely cold. you start this year's winter vacation the same way. you drink a cup of coffee, listen to your mom's classic records and take a bath.

you must take a bath during this time of year- it's become almost traditional for you. they make you feel cleaner and ready for the cold busan day.

after your bath, you usually sit on the couch, waiting for the day to be over so you can do your whole morning routine over again tomorrow until the day your brothers and mom come home.

this year, it's different. after your traditional bath, you smoke around the house, waiting for jake to come over. it's become traditional itself- the way you and jake lounge around your bedroom as if it's a vacation just for you. both of you take short naps together throughout the day, knowing that it will just mess up your sleep schedule by the time school starts up again in two weeks.

today, jake comes over while he's hungover. you smile at him as soon as he comes in, picking up on how his eyes are squinting from the sunlight reflecting off the snow outside.

jake's gotten used to the little routine you two have going on. it feels familiar and good. he's likes coming over to you sitting on the couch with wet hair, wearing one of his or your dad's shirts.

jake mumbles something to you about wanting to lay in your bed upstairs, away from all the windows down here that bring in all the sunlight that 'kill his head.' you follow him up your stairs as if he's showing you his house instead and plops down on your bed with a sigh of relief. he moves over, so he's against the wall, making room for you.

jake and you lay beside each other; he's telling you about the party he went to last night for park sunghoon's birthday a few days ago. he tells you he didn't plan on drinking that much, but sunghoon always convinces him to drink more. you stop responding to him after a while, getting lost in your thoughts. the thoughts about what jake does when he's drunk, and you're not around.

"what're you thinking about?" jake asks suddenly, putting his hand over yours to stop them from shaking, another habit he's picked up on.

"nothing." you shrug because it really is nothing; the things you think about you don't even know if they are true or not.

"no, tell me." jake moves over so he's on his side facing you now. "i know when something's bothering you, so just tell me."

"how were all the pretty girls at the party?"

jake scoffs at your question, turning his head to look at the window before looking at you again. "are you being serious?"

"yeah, i am."

jake stares at you for a moment, in disbelief at your question, "none of them were as pretty as you." you could only look up at your ceiling, not having enough courage to look at the boy beside you.

jake thinks ever since he met you, you've been insecure about how you look. and it's just something he's never understood. he thinks you're the prettiest girl he's ever seen. he wishes he could tell you that more, but every time he does compliment you, you just ignore him or change the subject. he wishes you could see just how pretty you were.

jake reached out and put his hand on your chin, pulling your face so you could look at him, "i mean it. you're the prettiest girl there is, and i wish you were at the party with me last night- it would've been more fun with you."

you shake your head, "no, i would've made it more boring by complaining about the music choice."

jake laughs before going back to being serious, "you're pretty." he can tell you're about to shake your head no again, so he decides to stop you.

his grip on your chin tightens as he leans over and presses his lips to yours.

it's a quick, soft kiss- a peck- and you barely feel it.

"you're pretty."

"j, i-." you're about to disagree again when he pulls you into a kiss again. this one longer, you could feel his heart-shaped lips against yours as you closed your eyes and relaxed.

"say you're pretty."

you pause for a moment, "i'm pretty." you sigh, making jake laugh as you shyly smile.

"say it like you mean it."

you pause again before stating, "i'm pretty."

jake hums in approval, "that's a good girl." he leans in for a kiss again, his hand dropping from your face to play iwth the string of your old sweatpants. when he pulls away again you both look down at where his hand is laying against your abdomen. "can i show you how pretty you are?"

you immediately nod, making jake chuckle softly before he unties your sweatpants and slippin his hands in over your panties. if it wasn't jake beside you, you think you'd be more embarrassed that you're wearing the purple cotton panties you've owned for maybe four years. but with jake, it's comfortable, and you know he won't think anything different of you as fingers slide over the cotton fabric.

you feel like you and jake had talked about everything except your guys' sexual history. it was a topic that you had thought about asking each other but never had the courage to actually ask. "have you ever done something before?" jake asks you, his lips pressing softly into your cheek and down your jaw.

"yeah," you sigh out, trying to suppress the urge to moan at the way his fingers started pressing harder into your clit over your panties. "b-but, it's been- a while." you feel jake smile into your neck at your confession.

"that's okay, baby, we can go slow." you nod in response to him.

jake slips his fingers into your panties, his fingers meeting your core finally. you're so wet for him, his fingers easily running through your slit. he presses into your clit, circling it with his index finger slowly.

"it kills me that you think you aren't pretty." jake confesses now, biting softly on your neck. "i wish you could see how i see you."

"no one-" you suppress a moan again, "no one's ever called me pretty before-you."

jake starts to slip his index finger into your core, feeling your walls clench around it. "it's probably because you intimidate everyone with how pretty you are," you can hear the teasing tone in his voice, "you intimidated me when i first saw you."

he pushes another finger into your core, his fingers reaching deep inside you, feeling all your walls as he curls them upwards.

you almost snort at his confession, "you thought i was intimidating when i- i, bumped into you and my phone went a-across the floor?" your voice was becoming high-pitched when you spoke.

you felt jake shake his head at you, "no, i thought you were pretty when you walked into the convenience store with your messy hair and eye bags." he spoke between each suck and nip at your neck, surely leaving some marks for others to see.

"when- was that?"

"over a year ago." jake shrugs casually as if he isn't knuckles deep inside of you. "i've thought you were pretty for a while y/n, god you even feel pretty; you're so tight around my fingers."

"please," you moaned out, not sure what you were being so polite about as his thumb started rubbing your clit.

you groan and start rocking your hips against his fingers. his fingers start to pump faster in and out of you, creating a pleasant burn up in your stomach.

his thumb continues to rub along your clit, his other hand playing softly with your hair on the pillow. his lips continue to kiss down your neck, his lips circling your collarbones.

"oh god," your hand flies down and holds onto his wrist, your head tips bakfc, your eyes meeting jakes as he looks down at you with a smirk on his face. "i'm gonna cum, jake." his fingers on your clit start to speed up.

"go on, baby, cum all over my fingers, i've been wanting you to for so long." he confesses once again, leaning down and kissing you as your body starts to go rigid from your orgasm hitting. your eyes flutter shut as your grip on his hand tightens.

jake slowly eases his fingers out of you, not wanting to overstimulate you. you watch as he puts his soaked fingers into his mouth, humming at the taste of you. "fuck, just as good as i imagined."

"that's so embarrassing," you whine, taking his fingers out of his mouth.

"what is?" jake laughs, playing with the string of your sweatpants again.

"i didn't know you saw me at the convenience store for the first time." jake laughs into your neck, kissing it once more before pulling away from you.

"well you looked pretty so it doesn't matter." you roll your eyes at him before rolling over so you can face him.

his hand is still playing with your hair, relaxing you. you feel like you could fall asleep and stay asleep for a while with how content you are in that moment.

"what are you doing on christmas?" jake asks suddenly, making you sigh at the mention of the holiday.

"i'll probably be watching re-runs of the same shitty christmas movies downstairs."

"with who?"

"no one."

jake sits up at your words. "what do you mean, no one?"

you roll onto your back again to look up at his shocked expression. you feel embarrassed to explain to him about your mom's actions. jake knows the basic knowledge about your dad, small stuff that you've brought up in passing, but you never speak about your mom. "my mom's going to be in cuba on christmas, i mean, she's in cuba right now and won't be back for a week, so."

"cuba?" jake asks you, "why is she in cuba?"

"a work vacation."

"where are your brothers going to be?"

"they only really come by on christmas to see my mom, so now that she's not coming i most likely won't see them."

"well you're coming to my house on christmas then."

you sit up at his offer, facing him, "jake no, i can't! it's like a family holiday, i can't be there!"

"yes, you can and you will! jae and my dad love you anyway."

you sigh, "i'll think about it."

"great!' jake leans over and kisses you quickly- like it's becoming a habit already and it scares the both of you in the best way possible.

"what..." you start, a quesiton coming to your mind before you're pushing it away.

"what?' jake asks, nudging you, "just say it! we've been through this before, i can obviously tell that there's something you're thinking about."

you pause, trying to think of the proper way to say it before you're turning towards the smiling boy, "what about, your mom? you never mention her, so, i'm just... curious."

jake's smile drops at your question, clearly not expecting the sudden mention of his mother. he lays back down then, his back flat on your bed, as his head lands on one of your pillows. you lay down with him, turning on your side to watch him. you're about to apologize for bringing it up, ready to reprimand yourself for not staying out of other peoples' business.

"my mom died," jake pauses to think for second, "three years ago now."

your reach your hand over and grab his. you've seen jake in tired states, sad states and angry states, but never like this. he looks like he's about to burst into tears and never stop. "i'm sorry, j." is all you can say to him.

"it's okay, you didn't know."

"how did she pass?"

"in a car accident, some drunk driver- both of them died."

"god, i'm so sorry jake." jake grabs onto your hand tigher, looking at you with a solemn smile.

"it's okay, really. i'm glad you know now, i like telling you things, even if they are shitty like this."

you two fall into silence again, your room becoming peaceful again. you can hear the winter wind pick up outside as the late afternoon glow fades from your room. You try to think about jake as much as you can before sleep seeps into you, taking over you and jake as your calm breaths mix together and your hands hold you together.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

jake wakes up beside you with a quick jolt. he hasn't woken up like this in a few weeks now. he can feel his heartbeat start to pick up, and his breaths become uneven. he wants to reach out to you and wake you up, tell you that he's panicking, but he doesn't- he can't.

he can't tell you that he's panicking because of you. his emotions are becoming too much for him that he can't be here anymore. he somehow barely manages to get off of your bed without waking you and slip out your front door.

he doesn't know what time it is, but he figures it's late with how quiet the busan neighbourhood is. there's a fresh layer of snow on the ground, and he can see his rigid breath in front of him in the air. his jacket his zipped up to his chin as he started to walk. he doesn't know exactly where he is walking until he's standing in front of lee heeseung's door and knocking.

heeseung opens the door with a tired-looking expression on his face- as if he had just woken up. his faded pink hair is standing up a bit as he looks at obviously panicked jake in front of him.

"dude, what's wrong?"

"can i come in?"

heeseung opens the door wider instantly, letting his friend in from the cold, winter night.

heeseung sits jake down in his bedroom. jake had been to heeseung's house multiple times before. he looked up to heeseung in a way he's never looked up to anyone before. he was the captain of the majority of the sports teams at their school, he's someone everyone can rely on, and jake's grateful he had someone like that at one point.

jake's sitting at heeseung's desk as heeseung is leaning against the wall on his bed. jake's looking around heeseung's room; it's been a while since he's been in heeseung's room. it looks different and cleaner, and there are pictures missing from the walls and books missing from the shelves. he notices the boxes packed on top of each other in one corner.

"i'm packing for college, i know we have some months left, but i want to get it out of the way," heeseung speaks quietly, noticing the way jake's staring at the brown boxes. jake can only nod at his friends' words, too much on his mind to try to make conversation. "so, are you gonna tell me why you showed up at my house at 11pm or are we just gonna keep sitting in silence?"

jake almost laughs at heeseung, the way he usually does, but he can't seem to make any noise or movement come out, "i've been talking to this girl."

"y/l/n y/n." jake jolts at how your name comes out of heeseung's mouth so instinctively. "what? everyone knows you're close with her now."

"right," jake nodded, remembering isa's standoff with you, chaerin and jay a month ago. "well, i fingered her."

heeseung scoffs and closes his eyes for a moment, trying to not laugh at the way his friend is obviously not thinking straight at the moment, "okay, and?"

"and then i told her my mom's dead.'"

"did you tell her that you're mom's dead before or after she came?"

"after." jake stated, "god, obviously after."

heeseung put his hands up in defence. "so then what?"

jake paused and thought about it for a moment, "and then i woke up not being able to breathe, and that's happened a few times before, but it's never happened because of y/n, and now i'm here because i didn't want to go home because then i'd think of my mom and i couldn't stay at y/n's because then i'd think of y/n." jake rambled on, heeseung only nodding along as he let his friend rant to him.

it was silent between the two teenage boys, heeseung trying to think of a way to help his friend while jake was thinking of you. heeseung and jake had been friends since year 9, both loving sports. it was obvious then that they had a lot in common when it came to almost everything, and it was obvious now how much they had slowly started to lose everything they had in common.

heeseung still loved playing sports and hoped to go professional once they graduated in a few months. everyone knew jake didn't want to do that- jake hated sports now and only continued on this year because he felt like he had to.

still, they had so many memories together that they remained friends, and heeseung wanted to help his friend at the very moment.

"so what's wrong with y/n that you panicked about her?"

"Nothing!" jake rushed out, clearing his throat before calmly continuing, "there's nothing wrong with her. i just- i don't- god hee! i don't know!" jake put his head in his hands. heeseung moved across his bed so that he was sitting closer to jake now.

"so, is there something just physical with you and her or is there, like, emotional stuff, too?" heeseung asked, trying to figure out why jake was being like this.

"it's, emotional. more emotional than physical- wait no! i guess there's an equal amount of them, but still i'd rather listen to her favourite songs with her and read to her and make her laugh than shove my dick down her throat. but i wanna do that with her too! but i'd take listening to her talk about her favourite songs than a blowjob. i think." jake rambled on again, heeseung really trying to focus and help rather than laugh his ass off at his friend's rambling.

"so," heeseung starts, trying to process jake's words and his response, "you... love her?"

"what?" jake gasps, looking up from the floor at his friend.

"shh," heeseung slaps jake's shoulder, "you're gonna wake up my parents. Be quiet!"

jake brushed his hair away from his face, "i- i don't know if i love her."

heeseung almost laughs at his friend again, "did you hear what you just said about her?"

jake thought about his rambled confession he just told heeseung, thinking about how he had described you.

"you love her, jake." heeseung repeated, noticing the look of realization slowly creep onto jake's face. "and you're panicking because you've never loved someone before; it's obvious, man."

"holy shit," jake sat back in his chair as he processes his feelings.

heeseung sighed out of relief, laying back onto his elbows on his bed, "great! now go tell her that! tell her everything you just told me!' heeseung pointed to his bedroom door, "well, maybe leave out the blowjob part- and the shoving your dick down her throat part."

"i can't go back!" jake yelled before getting slapped by heeseung again to be quiet.

"and why not?"

"because- because, i don't know! what if she doesn't love me?"

"well, then i guess you'll come running back here, so i'll keep my front door unlocked for you." jake turned and looked at his friend, that had a smug look on his face, "go!"

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

you had woken up maybe ten minutes after jake had left. you woke up to a cold bed, and an empty feeling started to grow in your chest. you sat up in your bed when you realized he wasn't in your room or your quiet house. the snow was picking up and covering your window, blocking the moonlight from entering your bedroom.

you brought your knees to your chest, playing with the bottoms of your sweatpants by your ankles. you weren't necessarily surprised that jake had left. he had sleeping problems of his own, and plus, you were used to everyone in your life leaving you.

it felt like he was just another one of those people again. of course, jake and you had gone through three weeks of not speaking before- but this time really hurt. at this point, you were aware of your feelings for jake. they weren't covered up in a friendship like the first time he had left you.

your feelings were clear to you- and maybe not (definitely not) to jake.

you sat your elbows up on your window sill, lighting a cigarette, trying to relax from the anxiety creeping up into your chest. you exhaled the smoke as you tried to find the perfect print of a snowflake on your window. you thought then that you would be spending christmas alone now after all.

it soon felt like you were going into a haze of sleep deprivation, anxiety and nicotine. the coldness seeping through your window is the only thing to comfort you and your mind into reality. you closed your eyes for a moment, resting your head on the window sill as the cigarette in your hand burnt out.

your thoughts were filled with jake and you. your imagined future crumbling down. your past together meant nothing to him as you thought about all the times you had shared your headphones, listened to him read and made each other laugh.

you seem to be reliving your past mentally, and you're stuck in it, trying to remember it all because, for a moment, it felt like that was the only thing you were going to have left with sim jake. your bedroom gets darker as the late night passes, the smell of smoke fading out from your room. and then you are woken up from the long dream you were living in for a moment, and you feel a tear slip down your cheek.

"y/n?"

it's his voice. it feels like you're still dreaming with the way it sounds. like you're memories, and sleep deprivation are playing a trick on you.

"y/n are you awake? i'm fucking cold."

and then he's silent again, the snow and wind outside being the only sound. his voice is coming from your bedroom door behind you.

when you speak again, your voice is softer than you remember.

"jake?" he doesn't answer. "jake, are you..."

"what're you doing?" his voice becomes clearer, and it becomes evident that he's right behind you and you aren't having some sick dream.

"say my name again, please?"

jake's quiet for a moment as he stares at your slumped-over body on your window sill, and then he carefully whispers to you, like he doesn't want to wake you after you have just fallen asleep,

"y/n."

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- - - -- -- -- -- --

jake crawled into bed with you afterwards, wrapping his arms around you from behind and pulling you down onto the bed with him carefully like you were going to break.

"where were you?" you ask, facing away from him as you let your body sink into his from behind you.

"i went to heeseung's for a second, i'm sorry. he kissed the back of your head, "i'm sorry i didn't mean to upset you." he kissed your head again, his arms tightening around you as if he was scared you were going to run away from him.

"i thought-" you tried to control your breathing, wiping away the tears falling down your face quietly, "i thought you had left me again- thought you weren't going to see me again."

"no no," jake shushed you, putting his head on your shoulder from behind, "i'm sorry, baby, i won't leave you again. i mean it."

"really?" you manage to ask out, your breathing coming back to a normal pace when you realize everything is okay still.

"yeah," jake states before pausing, "i love you."

and the words ring out into your quiet bedroom and ring around the walls until you're turning to look at him over your shoulder. he looks frightened but sure of himself at the same time. you can hear him harshly swallow as he looks at you, trying to figure out what you're thinking.

"you love me?"

"yes." jake quickly answers you, "a lot. and everything about you. and i've never loved someone before, but i know i love you. i don't want to be without you in this life- and i mean that." his grasp on you loosens as you turn to face him.

"i love you."

jake grabs your face, pulling your lips to his for the tenth time that day. both of you feel like you could never get tired of just kissing each other like this.

"fuck, i love you." jake grumbles out against your lips before kissing your again passionately.

"i've loved you for a long time, i don't think i've noticed until recently." you confess, pulling away from him. "i've never loved anyone before either, but i know i'll love you forever if you let me."

jake smiles at you, pulling you into kissing him once more. your hips instinctively grind into his, unable to stop the way he's making you feel at the moment. you've never felt so loved before by a single kiss.

your kiss turns into a loving and lustful one quickly. your hands running through his shaggy, brown hair that you've come to love.

"you don't know what you do to me, baby." jake mutters, his hand leaving your jaw and roaming down your side to rest on your hip.

you chuckle as your hands slide in between you two, going under his shirt and lifting it over his body. your eyes travel over his skin, loving how it looks and feels. so many pretty moles to memorize as you kiss his collarbones.

you roll over so that you are on top of him now. jake pulled you closer and started leaving wet kisses over the hickeys he had given you earlier. you couldn't stop the low moans leaving your lips as you started to grind down onto his bulge.

you both felt rushed but knew you had all the time in the world at that very moment. your hands started to travel down his stomach to where his sweatpants were loosened on his hips. he smiled against your skin.

jake's hands travelled underneath your hoodie, pulling it off to reveal your breasts. his hands instantly cupped them, tweaking your nipples as you arched your back into him.

"are you wet again for me, baby?" jake asks with a smirk. one of his hands slipped into your panties like he did earlier, this time more confidently as he knew your body enough already.

you bucked your hips in pleasure as he started to thumb quickly at your clit again. your body is still sensitive from earlier.

"j-jake." you whimpered out to him, arching your back.

you whined when he slipped his hands out of your panties.

"i want you to come on my dick this time, baby." jake explains to you, kissing you before flipping you over so that you are on your back. jake slides your sweatpants and panties off, and you hear his gasp as his eyes meet your fully bare body. he's almost unable to stop staring at you before you remind him to take off his pants.

you wrap your arms around his neck as you feel his hard cock start brushing against your wet entrance. you instantly let out a moan as he enters you. jake feels his eyes roll back at the feeling of your bare walls on his cock. he pushes deep inside of you, making both of you have laboured breathing already.

"you feel so good, jake."

"yeah, feels like i was fuckin' made for you." jake starts to thrust into you with a steady pace. his eyes never left you, wanting to see how you reacted to him fucking you.

"fuck!" you gasped once he hit a certain spot, your voice going into a higher pitch. you grasped onto his arm when jake started to fuck into your faster, hitting your newly found sweet spot every time.

you looked so pretty wrapped around his cock that he didn't know how much longer he could go with you tightening so well around him. he's thought about this for so long- he just wants to be as close to you as possible.

"jake." you moaned out his name. you clenched around him as his thumb started to circle your clit again. he started to thrust deeper and faster at the same time, allowing you to feel every inch of his cock.

"are you gonna cum for me, y/n?" jake moans out your name as well.

"y-yes! god, jake." you intertwined your hands with his, coming on his hard dick with a loud moan. jake couldn't hold back as he felt you soak his dick- his own cum releasing into you at the same time.

"f-fuck." jake groaned out into your skin.

both of your hairs' were messy as jake pulled out of you, watching the way his cum dripped out of you, leaking onto your bed.

he ran his fingers through his sweaty hair, a smile on his lips as he looked at your fucked out expression. "fuck, baby, you're so good. so pretty, too." his hand was still holding onto yours as you both looked down at your ruined legs.

"you're cleaning it up," you spoke out, your head falling back down onto your pillow- sleeping wanting to fill your body for the first time in months from pure exhaustion.

"of course, baby." jake smiled as he kissed your forehead, letting go of your hand to go to the bathroom to get a warm towel for you.

you felt jake clean you up and wipe your sheets before laying down beside you again, pulling your blanket up and over you before lacing your hands together- falling asleep in perfect contentment- knowing that when you both wake you'll be happy.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

jake asked you to be his girlfriend a day later on christmas, not wanting you to feel alone on christmas ever again. he was right when he said his family loves you; they happily accepted you in with them on christmas day.

you seemingly fit in with not only his family but his rugby team members as well. officially meeting thee lee heeseung when you returned to school after winter vacation. they all seemed to love you- just like jake (and jay!) had said they would.

you and jake continued to spend your days alone in either his bedroom's, constantly finding new music to listen to together- creating new memories with all the songs. somedays, jake would make you tag along to a party with him, smoking out the window as he got shit-faced with his friends- happily knowing that you would walk him home and tuck him into bed with you afterwards.

you had always heard stories about not becoming friends with seniors when you were younger than them- and you quickly found out why you shouldn't when the last weeks of high school were approaching.

it was sad helping jake pack up all his things for college- he, like the rest of your friends, had gotten accepted to a college in seoul. you were happy for him! happier for him than he was happy for himself. he didn't want to go to college for kinesology, but he felt like that was the only thing going for him. he especially didn't want to go and leave you behind in busan.

on the day that he, jay, chaerin, sunghoon and heeseung had all planed to drive together to seoul, you presented jake with a gift.

it was a cd you had burned all your favourite songs on. because i couldn't tell you what my favourite one was, here's all of them :) - y/n

"fuck." jake said as he looked down at the cd, a warm but hurtful feeling playing along his chest before wrapping you up into a hug, "i'm gonna fucking miss you, baby."

"i'm gonna miss you."

"we're gonna call and text all the time! and i'll see you on christmas break!" jake reminded you and himself, pulling you into a passionate kiss before sunghoon honked the horn of their van to tell jake to hurry up.

"get in the car or be ditched forever!" sunghoon yelled out the window, "some of us haven't had our first love yet and want to get on the road to meet their first love!"

you laugh into jake's lips as you pull away from each other.

"i love you." jake says sadly, scanning your face quickly as if he's gonna forget it as soon as he turns around.

"i love you."

sunghoon honked the horn again, "come on!"

jake and you let go of each other's hands sadly, watching as jake got in the car, waving goodbye to them all as they drove off down the street- leaving you alone in god forbidden busan.

and you've always hated busan.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

your insomnia got worse than ever before when jake left. it was something you couldn't deal with anymore. you had to stop going to school in fear of hurting yourself accidentally by the lack of sleep you were having.

you had started tossing and turning in your twenty-minute sleep so much that you were waking up with bruises all over your legs and arms. you continuously had nightmares about jake- and how he's going to leave you.

the long-distance relationship worked between you and jake for the first few months. you celebrated your one-year anniversary together on christmas- buying each other matching headphones.

you continuously told each other that you loved each other- everyday over text. even if you hadn't spoken during the day, you could always count on him for texting you those three words.

you think now that, over time, you had lost the meaning of those three words with jake. you used them so much that both of you didn't even realize when you stopped loving each other.

you think you noticed it first on valentine's day after your one year anniversary. when it took jake all day to call you and say he loves you. jake got busy with school- and he got depressed about school. he told you a little bit about how he was feeling a first- how he hated the classes but needed this degree so he could get some sort of job.

after a while, it felt like neither of you knew anything about what was happening in the other's lives. you only knew the shell of the people you use to be and knew that you should say 'i love you' to each other.

your breakup happened not long after valentine's day- when he had forgotten your birthday. it had been a week or two since you had even spoken on the phone with each other- forgetting each other's voices at that point.

it felt like your heart was being ripped in half when the clock hit midnight for the next day to begin, your birthday finishes and not a single call or text from jake had appeared.

you waited three days for a frantic spree of texts to be sent, saying how he's sorry and that he loves you, he's sending you a present right now and so on.

you didn't respond to any of them.

he called and called for a week, finally giving up when you hadn't answered after the 100th time.

jake ❤️ : i'll get you out of busan y/n, i swear i'm sorry. i love you

you didn't answer that text either, and ended up blocking your first love.

when you graduated a few months after your first-ever breakup, you went to seoul for college. soobin helped pack up your things and sent you on your way by train. you could tell that soobin was a bit sad to see you go- but at least he'd have the house to himself for once.

it took three days before you saw someone you recognized on your school's campus; park chaerin.

you hadn't really spoken to her since jake, and you had broken up. over time, she had become more of jake's friend than your own.

"holy shit." chaerin said as she saw you standing in front of her in front of the school's fountain. she looked like she had seen a ghost. "y/n! what the hell are you doing here?" she wrapped you up into a hug; she tried to ignore the eye bags under your eyes and the awful paleness of your skin.

"i got accepted here, so, yeah." you sheepishly responded.

"holy shit." another voice spoke out behind chaerin, jay and heeseung stood there, their jaw almost on the floor when they saw you. they ran and hugged you as well- jay lifting you off the ground before placing you back down.

after a few minutes of catching up, you asked the question everyone knew was coming, "so uh, is jake, around?' you asked them, your hands shaking on your sides and you knew if jake saw you he'd know you were about to pass out from anxiousness.

"uh, no." chaerin spoke carefully, "he dropped out a few weeks ago."

"he said he was going to busan." heeseung added.

"busan? when?"

"three days ago."

"three days ago?!" you yell out, the noise from the fountain not making your voice too loud.

you groaned when you saw them all nod in agreement. you put your hand on your forehead with a sigh of frustration and anger filling your body.

of course, you had to leave cities at the same time.

jake knocked on your door three days before that day, anxiousness filling his body at the thought of seeing you again after seven months. he wondered the whole train ride back to his hometown how you would react when you saw him standing on your front porch. he thought maybe you'd punch him, yell at him, or simply not open the door.

he was not expecting a pissed off soobin to answer the door instead.

"what the fuck do you want?" soobin grunted out to him.

"uh, is y/n here?"

"nope." soobin said curtly, looking at jake as if he was ready to close the door on his face already.

"where is she?"

"seoul."

"seoul?! why?!"

soobin shrugged, "couldn't stand to be in busan anymore."

jake rubbed at his face in shock, not believing his luck.

"is there anything else you want to know?" soobin asked the younger boy. jake only shook his head no, "great."

soobin slammed the door in his face.

the last time you saw sim jake was four years ago. when he kissed you goodbye on new years and told you he'd see you that summer.

he did not see you that summer.

none of you had known where sim jake had gone after he left seoul. you had all figured he went to busan, but none of your friends that had stayed in your hometown had seen him.

you ended up staying in seoul for four years to finish up your music production degree at college. it had taken a lot from you, physically and mentally. your insomnia had gotten better over time, but you had started using your restless nights as a way to be productive and get your shit together instead of smoking your nights away.

during your years at college, you had stopped being friends with anyone you had been friends with in high school. you had all fallen out of touch with each other- none of you realize that the only person that kept you together was jake.

the last time you had seen park chaerin was across the cafeteria during your third year at college. she had grown out of her 'gothic' phase of dressing and makeup style, looking more mature instead. apparently, her and jay had stayed together- they graduated together, but you haven't seen them since then.

lee heeseung dropped out of college during his second year- only six months of his first year. he had a major opportunity to play football in america, so he took it in a heartbeat. he knocked on your dorm the night before and told you the news. he hugged you goodbye and wished you the best as he took a final look at those godforsaken purple bags under your eyes.

when you had finally graduated college- you were done with seoul as well. it felt like you just hated korea altogether- you didn't belong there- everybody and everything was the same.

you took the first job opportunity you got that wasn't in korea- but california. it was for a record label you hadn't heard of, but decided to take a chance on, maybe you could help the label a bit with your producer abilities.

it had been four years and seven months since you had seen sim jake- and you hadn't forgotten a single thing about him. he went through your mind several times a week- even when you knew he shouldn't be when you were in the middle of an exam.

it had been four years and seven months since you had seen your first love- and you were not expecting to see him on your first day at your first job in california.

sim jake still had his pretty smile and brown eyes. his shaggy brown hair was now shorter as it was slightly pushed back from his face.

you really thought you had lost your mind when you saw him- you thought that the sleep deprivation had finally caught up to you over all these years and had made you crack.

jake and you stood in front of each other down the front hall at the production company, staring in shock as you looked at one another.

"y/n?" jake asked you first, not believing himself as he said your name.

you nodded your head at him, "say my name again, please." needing to hear it again to know you weren't dreaming.

"y/n." a smile spread across your face at the sound of the familiar voice.

"you guys know each other?" the young assistant asked you both as she stood in front of you, ready to take you on a tour through the building.

"yeah." you both respond at the same time.

"oh, that's good then since you'll be working together a lot." she stated, causing you to give her a confused look, "he's the singer you'll be producing music for."

and now you're sat outside the recording booth, listening to your first love sing about you into the microphone- producing your first hit song that would only be the start of both of your careers.

a smile on your face knowing that you'll be able to sleep tonight since he'll be beside you, holding your hand.

@ taeghi, 2022. do not repost or reuse in anyway.

PLEASE REBLOG IF YOU ENJOY, AS LIKES MAKE IT HARD FOR WORK TO BE SPREAD AND ENJOYED BY OTHERS :)

stay safe everyone :)

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