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blessedarethebinarybreakers · 5 years

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Hey, so I'm force to go to this xenophobic church in Manhattan- they even have an organization where they go to abortion clinics and coerce people w/ uteruses to not go forward with the abortion (they are very open with promoting this organization). I stopped paying tithes to them a long time ago, because knowing what I know abt the intricacies of childbirth & what it's like to be LGBTQ+ in particular, I literally cannot support what the church is doing bc I believe its harmful (1)

Today my mom and I were talking about finances and I’ve been in a sort of bind recently because I’ve had to pay off credit cards, one of which I used to pay for repairs to my car & another person’s car when I got into an accident over the summer, plus I still have my biweekly car payments to worry about. I’ve been managing, but I dont really have much money to myself, and because everyone’s out at either work or school, I normally buy food for myself because no one is home to cook. (2)

My mom straight up told me that the reason why I have been broke is b/c I’m not paying tithes, which kind of took me off guard bc I thought it was because I wasnt putting in as much hours for school (I have a two day break on Monday-Tuesday but decided not to put in any extra hours because I didn’t want to overwork myself like last semester + my mental health has been extremely poor). (3)

Since she said that I’ve been in a sort of panic mode, that maybe I won’t be able to be myself in the future and get surgery/HRT and find a suitable partner (I’m an aro/ace trans guy and I desire to be in a qpp with another guy), which has been debilitating because I’ve been seriously struggling with my social skills, and have literally only two friends that I’ve been keeping contact with occasionally, though its difficult because we have all gone on separate paths due to life basically (4)

Anyways this is a super long ask but I felt like it needed context because the fact that I suck as socializing & making friends has affected my self-esteem and mental health to the point where I have thoughts of s*icide, among other things, including flashbacks of traumatic events that I wouldnt have otherwise remembered. Basically I wanted to ask- am I wrong for not paying tithes to this church? Will God punish me for not paying tithes to this church? (5)__________

Hey there, anon. I’m so sorry for the delay in answering this, I’ve been having some mental health issues of my own so I’ve been taking a little break from this blog. I hope that you are hanging in there, and that things might even be looking up for you since you sent this in.

I’m sorry that you are experiencing so much distress right now; and that your mom’s comments have added to it. I know that money is tight for you right now, but if at all possible, I recommend seeking professional help to guide you through dealing with the flashbacks of traumatic events and all that; some therapists offer sliding scale payment options for patients who need it. I know that’s not what you’re asking about though, so on to tithes.

I 100% think you’re making the right decision not offering your money to this church. You disagree with their ministry and do not see God’s will in it; giving them money would be contributing to those ministries.

People offer tithes (or a smaller fraction of their financial income) to their faith community as an expression of gratitude to God, a willing response to God’s activity in that faith community. You see God’s movement in a community, and you want to be a part of that movement; so you offer financial gifts to keep the movement going. Generosity should never be pressured out of a person, it should never feel like an obligation; if the Holy Spirit is moving you to give, you’ll feel a real desire to give.

Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 8:11-13 about our financial offerings coming from a place of desire, not obligation:

“And in this matter I am giving my advice: it is appropriate for you who began last year not only to do something but even to desire to do something—now finish doing it, so that your eagerness may be matched by completing it according to your means. For if the eagerness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has — not according to what one does not have.“

That above quote teaches us several things about offerings made to our faith communities, the first of which applies directly to your current situation, while the other two apply to giving in general:

It assures us that we should give what we desire to give – that desire and eagerness will come to us naturally when we truly hear God’s Word read, proclaimed, and acted out.

The quote also assures us that one only has to give “according to what one has, not according to what one does not have” – so even if you one day find a faith community wherein the Spirit moves you to desire to give, 10% of your current income is probably more than you have to give at the moment, and that’s okay.

Finally, Paul doesn’t specify finances in this quote – what you give to a church whose mission you believe God approves of doesn’t have to be money, especially if money isn’t something you have at the moment. It might be your time or your skills, your voice or your strength, your art or your presence – whatever unique gifts God has given you that you can use for the good of God’s world.

If you don’t see God’s activity at this church, and thus are not moved to a genuine desire to offer what money you can, don’t do it. God does not oblige us to give money just for the sake of giving it; it’s not a task to check off the list of things you need to do in order to “earn” God’s love or blessing in your life. You don’t have to do a single thing to “earn” God’s love and blessing; God gives these things freely to each of us.

Sometimes we don’t recognize that love and blessing clearly, because for better or worse God isn’t a micro-manager who swoops in and makes everything work out perfectly in our lives. Instead, humanity’s free will has built up systems that keep many of us poor, many of us oppressed; people who don’t “deserve” to suffer…suffer. Not from any fault of theirs, not because they failed to “earn” God’s help or because they did something to bring God’s punishment on them – but because that’s just the way this world is right now. It hurts people who should be protected. Even so, we trust that God is there – God is there with you in the midst of your distress, your struggles to make ends meet, your pain at the trauma you’re reliving.

You aren’t broke because you’re not paying tithes; you’re broke because our world is broken and forces students to work long hours on top of keeping up with schoolwork and mental health stuff. I’m so sad and mad on your behalf that you’re stuck in this situation, and I hope things improve really soon.

Friend, I promise you, there will be a future where you’re able to go on hrt, where you are able to live as your full self, where you have friends and a qp partner and where you are happy and loved. There will be a future where you find a faith community that you’re thrilled to give back to, whether that’s your time and talent or your money or all of the above, because you truly see God’s activity in the work they do. It sucks that these things aren’t all true for you here and now, but I believe in that future for you. In the meantime, I promise you: God’s with you, unconditionally.

#tithes #offerings #finances #suicide ideation mention #mental illness and health #Anonymous #essays

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monicalorandavis · 5 years

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periods

Weeks ago, maybe months ago, I was in an Uber XL because my friend is dj’ing and doing quite well for himself and also because I was with a group of six other adults and no one could even pretend to be sober enough to drive.

So there we are in the big SUV. I’m in the way back with my friend and every seat is accounted for - even the seat next to the driver. It was a packed ride and the back seat was where the party was at. My friend and I were quite literally bouncing off the walls. I think at one point I turned myself upside down and pressed my feet into the ceiling (I’m that girl) and gyrated my ass off my seat. I don’t know how I avoid hurting myself when I act this way. *Correction: I always, always hurt my pride the next morning when someone shows me the footage on their phone and my drunk voice is shrieking some vile obscenity.*

I remarked to the mixed group of men and women (to be specific, two men and four women) that “Being a girl is the fucking best”. I don’t know why then seemed like the perfect time to share that sentiment with boys, but, I said it and then I immediately regretted it.

Because of course they had to ruin it. I had barely finished the sentence before one of the guys said, “Yeah, except periods.”

And, of course.

Yes, facts.

Periods are bad. They are always, always bad. The four women in the car agreed that they are in fact so, so bad that it’s insane that men don’t get to have them. They at least should have to experience a couple somehow. I suggest some time before they have sex so they can fully understand the undertaking before them. Do they want to create a life in that place that produces the monthly blood mud or are they just horny?

But, it occurred to me in a drunken split-second (which in all fairness was probably closer to a drunken half of a minute), do men think that periods are really the worst thing about being a woman?

The thought burrowed its spiny legs into my beleaguered mind and stuck. What if they are?

Not right now they’re not, obviously. The world, at the moment, for women is bat-shit kookookachoo-Lollapalooza got pregnant by Fyre Festival-burning-down-the-house-no bueno-bad, bad, bad. But, if the world were to somehow heal its wounds of misogyny and close the wage gap and stop domestic violence, and rape, and stigmatizing reproductive health, and harassment, and catcalling, and victim blaming, and gaslighting, and intimidating, and talking over us, and sexualizing our bodies from the minute we sprout the insinuations of breasts, and sex trafficking... we wouldn’t solve the tricky business of getting our periods. It is an immutable fact. (Now, this is a ciswoman rant, I realize. It is admittedly the privilege of being a biological female. Trans women lament the fact they will never have periods. They don’t get the opportunity to bear children. This must be like actual nails on a chalkboard and I am sorry.)

However, periods are whack.

The conversation in the SUV was sort of a wonderful acknowledgement and...conference of sorts. We shared period horror stories and the men were adult enough to not squeal in disgust. Instead, they feigned outrage at the middle school teasing we endured when we bled through our jeans during P.E class. But the truth is, they were probably the same idiots laughing at us those twenty years ago. We all were. We’ve all been taught to hide our tampons in our hands, bras, tiny pockets and pass them to each other like drug paraphernalia. Our periods exist in the cracks of society. Dirty pads are wrapped and wrapped with tissue paper until the blood doesn’t seep out. It’s wasteful. It’s also disrespectful to our uteruses...to each other, really. We’re all pretending for each other. (Do not leave a trace of it anywhere!) But wouldn’t we all be doing better if we stopped pretending?

Every time we hide our periods it’s playing into the farce that women do not actually bleed out of their sex parts. Granted we also deliver babies from our sex parts. But there is a third purpose of the sex part, and you guessed it - the PERIOD.

The more I’m thinking about it, we should put some g.d. respect on her name. Blood is the life force. It is a sacrament. Sometimes we don’t know how badly we wanted a period until all of a sudden one’s missing and we are flippin’ tf out. At least, I am. And most of my friends are. But I guess some of my friends are in a place where raising a family is a thing you could do.

And yet, in spite of the glory of our biological endowment, she is a messy bitch. We cannot deny this fact. (This is the reputation she will never live down.) She has ruined sheets, towels, underwear, leggings, chairs, sofas, pillows, sleep-overs, dates, car rides, vacations, bathing suits, swims with friends, sex with a new guy, waxes, make-out sessions, sporting events, camping. Also, the smell of blood attracts bears, sharks. We are vulnerable to wild animals. We can be eaten because our vaginas are bleeding and we can’t make them stop! I’m basically two weeks away from getting eaten by a bear at any moment. And people wonder why I don’t camp?!?! FOH.

Also, to the point about the bears, she is a (and I hate to say this) smelly bitch. I know that that is so gross but in the spirit of honoring the thing we cannot change, let’s just put it on Front Street. Periods are stinky. Makes sense. The lining from your uterus has been straight up chillin’ in your vagina cave for weeks and weeks so when it drops down it don’t smell fresh. That’s just how it goes. We don’t get to scrub out our uteruses and give ‘em a deep clean in between oil changes. 1) Because that’d be fucking crazy. Have you ever gotten a pap smear? You ain’t opting for those babies more often than is absolutely necessary. And 2) You’d probably screw up the natural balance of your cycle and your pH and whatever else is going on in that mysterious little cabinet.

So what’s the conclusion? Do we stop hiding tampons? Yes. Do we free bleed through our white jeans? I guess if you want to, sure. (I think free bleeding is very, very dope but I ain’t got it like that because I don’t want huge blood stains on my crotch.) But in terms of an artistic expression and a fuck you to the system, almost nothing makes me happier.

So, honor your period. Don’t hide your period for the sake of men. They know we bleed. They’re ok talking about it. They’ll buy you tampons. If they don’t, they are trash and must be gotten rid of. Now that that’s settled, we, the women of the human race must stop telling men that we don’t poop.

#womens issues #periods #girls #body positive #body posi af

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