#'dont worry about it :-)' DONT WORRY SBOUT IT. I THINK I KNOW WHAT SHE SAW. this is so fucking funny

[sankta-starkova]

LETTERMAN

005; blocking

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summary: the one where ej and andy reunite after years when they're cast as love interests, finally rekindling their friendship and maybe getting something else out of it as well

Wordcount: 1.3k

EJ followed Nini down the stairs in school, Ashlyn, Andy and all the other theatre kids waiting at the bottom.

It was obvious that Nini was angry with him - and Andy assumed it had something to do with the phone situation from yesterday - but EJ didn't seem to get it.

"But why haven't you answered my texts?" He asked and she turned around with a sigh.

Nini was clearly annoyed but he cared sbout her so much that it clouded his judgement, so he kept pushing.

"Can we not to do this right now, please?" She asked as she saw the group of theirs friends waiting.

"Do what? Are you mad at me?" He questioned, the smile on his face dropping as they stood in the hallway.

She scoffed, finally cracking, "At lunch, I was at the computer lab, bribing some hacker to crack into my phone to recover a message you deleted when you stole it!" Nini yelled out.

Ashlyn and Andy looked at each other, both knowing that the other knew about the phone situation.

The entire group fell silent as they started to listen to the gossip. None of them expected this from the presumably perfect couple.

"Gina's not the wonderstudy I need to worry about, is she?" Nini asked.

"Can we talk about this over the-" EJ started and Nini scoffed, cutting him off.

"Dont," she said, starting to walk off before EJ said her name, making her turn around again.

He had those big wide pleading eyes that Andy recognised instantly, he felt bad, truly.

"I said I loved you and you couldn't say it back. You said it to Ricky, and now I see the way he looks at you and I know you guys have a lot of history," he explained, out of earshot so the others couldn't hear them.

"I could say the same thing about Andy, you two have always been so close and maybe I've always been a bit jealous of that but I'd never steal your phone but Ricky would never steal my phone," Nini said angrily.

EJ scoffed, he was okay with her attacking him but the second that she mentioned Andy, his blood boiled.

"Leave my friendship with Andy out of this. And no, Ricky wouldn't because he just leaves sad-face messages on it asking if you shared a moment," he refuted, her not getting his point.

"Dont make this about Ricky!" Nini said, Andy hearing that bit of the conversation as Ninis voice grew louder.

"And dont make this about Andy. This is about Ricky, I'm just trying to hold onto what we had over the summer," he pleaded, desperation evident in his voice.

When she heard her name, Andy looked at Ashlyn, her eyes wide. She didn't want to be the reason they broke up, even if deep down she wanted EJ. She wasn't a homewrecker.

"Yeah, I was too. But you know what? Summers over," she said and he sighed, watching as Nini walked away from him towards the group.

She walked towards the group of theatre kids who all acted as if they hadn't heard anything at all. Nini was seething, not in the mood for their gossip mongering.

"Is the door locked or something? Why can't we get in?" Nini asked the group, frustration in her voice

"Oh, Natalie Bagleys missing her emotional support hamster. He got loose," Ashlyn explained.

"Yeah, Carlos and Gina are helping her find her. Him. It," Andy said, her gaze landing on EJ before they all heard a high pitched scream.

"I think they found it," Andy said and Ashlyn nodded, looking over at her friend instead of EJ.

It felt like seconds before EJ and Nini started to argue about their relationship again, the theatre group still watching.

"Sometimes a relationship needs one person looking after the other," EJ explained, trying to prove his point, "It wasn't divine intervention that got you into Marian the Librarians costume"

She furrowed her brow in confusion, "What does that mean?" Nini asked and EJ's eyes went wide as he realised what he had said.

It was silent for a while as Nini ran the scenario over in her head, thinking back to the day. When she realised, she shook her head in disappointment.

"You were responsible for Emily Pratt spending opening night in a toilet?" Nini questioned, already knowing the answer.

"I believed in you," he sighed, not knowing what to say, "I slipped her a bad deviled egg, I didn’t think it would actually work,"

It looked like Nini wanted to say something but they were cut off when Natalie walked out with a box along with Carlos.

"Now she thinks he's in her gym locker but we're ready to begin people," Carlos explained, annoyed, looking at everyone as they swarmed inside.

Everyone wanted to get away from the incredibly awkward situation that was going on between Nini and EJ.

When they were inside, Miss Jenn explained that Ricky couldn't make it to rehearsal so EJ had to stand in for him. But EJ and Nini wanted to be nowhere near each other and the awkwardness in the room was so obvious.

"Can you move a little closer to each other?" Miss Jenn asked and they looked at each other, unwillingly stepping closer.

She sighed, not understanding what was going on. Everyone else, however, knew about the relationship problems after it was aired to the whole group.

"Come on guys, this is a love story, not a SARS epidemic," Miss Jenn said and the two stood next to each other.

Ashlyn and Andy watched as Miss Jenn conducted the two into a position, Big Red really confused about how to sort everything on the stage out.

"Take it from 'wow, now that was really nice' okay" Miss Jenn said and the two acted it out, very awkwardly.

Seb started to play the music, the two singing the song until they were practically yelling at each other through the song.

"Okay, freeze" Miss Jenn said as the music stopped, "Nini sweetie, this reprise comes at a decisive moment in the story, once your hearts have joined. Its a love song,"

She shrugged, "Are we not getting that?" Nini asked sarcastically.

"I'd like you to get to his heart without cracking his ribcage," Miss jenn explained sarcastically before Ricky ran in.

"Sorry I'm late! My mum caught an earlier flight. Where are we?" He asked, dropping his bag.

"Scene seven," Carlos said and Ricky nodded his head.

He reached into his bag, rummaging around for a little bit before sighing and looking up at the group, cheeks flushed in exhaustion and embarrassment.

"I don't have it. Could I borrow-" he started before Miss Jenn cut him off.

"You need your script Ricky, and a pencil. It's a blocking rehearsal," Miss Jenn explained.

"Ricky, you can have my spare," Andy said, feeling sorry for her friend.

She knew about the problems that he was going through at home and if his mother had come home early than it meant something bad had probably happened.

"Actually, you can't," Miss Jenn said, "When you come to rehearsal people, you come prepared,"

Suddenly, Natalie ran in crying and after talking to her, Miss Jenn asked if she could speak to Ricky privately, the two beginning to walk off.

"Are we done?" Ashlyn asked and Miss Jenn nodded.

"We are. Take a note Miss Darbus, this is what a frustrated drama teacher looks like," Miss Jenn said before walking off.

"That was eventful," Gina said and Andy laughed, looking over at her. The two of them weren't super close, but they didn't hate each other. 

"Wasn't it just," Andy said as she started to pack her things away.

She had never seen a more dramatic rehearsal before, not in her past two years of doing high school theatre.

"The only issue with rehearsal ending early is that I have to wait ages for mum to pick me up," Gina explained as she slung her backpack over her shoulders.

"Why don't you come round mine for a bit, we can work on the dance for a little while, and I'm sure your mum won't mind," Andy suggested.

Gina smiled, it was the first time someone had really asked her to hang out somewhere since she got here.

"Yeah, that sounds great, I'll text my mum," Gina said with a smile on her face, Andy smiling back at her.

#letterman; ej caswell #ej caswell x reader #ej caswell fanfiction #ej caswell #ej caswell x oc #matt cornett #hsmtmts fanfiction #hsmtmts fanfic #hsm the musical #hsm the series #hsmtmts #high school musical the musical the series fanfiction #high school musical #high school musical the musical the series

[bunk12bear]

Attening the dead

Not the best title i must admit, im open to sugestions. anyway I saw a tiktok about how Madam Pomfey was likely the one to declare the dead after the battle and thst got me thinking. Most of the people who died had likely been patients of hers at one point so i wrote this. I realise now I forgot sbout snape but I dont like him so meh. Fair waning this one is SAD.

trigger warnings grief, blood, death of a minor, discusion of injuries war and death.

Poppy Pomfrey didn't sign up to be a war medic. When she had been hired to be matron of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry she hoped to avoid some of the grizzlier aspects of healing. The first war had been devastating of course, losing so many of her former students had taken a toll but even through the worst of that war she never imagined the conflict would end up in the school she loves so much.

The dead are everywhere, laying amongst the rubble that used to be the Great Hall surrounded by their weeping friends and family. She stedies herself for a moment. Rationally she knows it's her job to attend to the dead but that doesn't make it any easier.

The first body she attends to is Colin Creevy, still only sixteen. If it weren't for the blood matted into his blond hair you might think he was asleep, he looks so very young at this moment.

She remembers 5 years before when he had been discovered petrified, his precious camera still in his hands. She remembered the letter she had sent his parents promising them that he would be safe, that Hogwarts wasn't normally this dangerous. She didn't think she'd ever hated being wrong more in her entire life. She hoped the bad news wouldn't be delivered via a letter again, they deserve to learn of their son's death in person, especially because they likely haven't seen him in months.

She moved on, winding her way through the wreckage, stopping to confirm what most of the weeping witches and wizards already knew. She hated seeing them all in pain; nearly every combatant at the Battle of Hogwarts had been a student during her time at the school and although she considered herself A top-notch Healer, she couldn't do anything about death or grief.

When she sees the body of Fred Weasley she nearly drops to her knees. Given their reckless nature, the Weasley twins had been frequent patients of hers. The only thing worse than Fred's too still body is George. He's sitting there, Fred's head in his lap absentmindedly stroking his hair. Tears slip slowly down his face, his eyes as dull and lifeless as his twin's.

She remembers the very first time Fred had ended up in the hospital wing. A prank had gone wrong and he would need to spend the night, just to make sure he was fine.

Both boys' demeanor changed instantly. Fred's injury had not stopped them from laughing and joking but the moment they found out that they would have to be sleeping separately the smiles dropped off their faces.

George's eyes begin to well with tears, "Wait does that mean I'm going to have to go back to my dorm without him?" He had asked, his voice shaky.

"I'm afraid so, only patients after hours" she had replied putting a hand on the 11 year old's shoulder.

"But that's not fair," Fred had protested, "We've never slept apart, never ever!" He looked over at his twin who is still doing his best not to cry, "can't you  bend the rules this once there's an empty bed right there I promise I'll be on my best behavior." 

She likely could have but  both boys needed the sleep and she knew from their dorm mates that they had a tendency to keep each other up.

George had been there first thing in the morning bouncing on his toes nervously. Both twins were overjoyed when she told them that Fred was being discharged relieved at the thought they wouldn't have to spend another night apart.

She thought again about those little boys so worried about the prospect of sleeping in separate rooms, now they would never share a room ever again; the thought felt a bit like a stab to the heart.

She goes through the motions quickly and efficiently with Fred not wanting to keep George from his brother's body.

Nymphadora Tonks or was it Lupin now was another frequent visitor. She was clumsy, enthusiastic and, much like the Weasley twins, had a tendency towards mischief.

Her very first visit to the hospital wing had happened within days of her arrival to Hogwarts. She had been slightly too enthusiastic getting something out of her trunk and smacked herself right in the nose with the lid. Eventually the girl had ended up in the hospital wing with so many minor injuries that Pomfry had hunted down all of her friends to teach them how to cast episkey, a spell she had used so many times that morning that it had long since stopped sounding like a word.

While it had been gut-wrenchingly heartbreakingly difficult to attend to any of the dead the worst was the man laying next to Dora.

She had taken care of Remus Lupin once a  month for seven years, even coming to his home after every summer full moon. She had spent many an hour carefully tending to his wounds hidden away from the prying eyes of his curious classmates.

She had adored him when he was a student. She knew she shouldn't pick favorites but even if he hadn't had to visit her Hospital Wing once a month he would probably still be one of hers. He was sweet, kind and smart but with a wicked mischievous streak. She remembers the impish sparkle in his eyes one day in 1975 when he had revealed to her that he had replaced Cassius Nott's writing set with Zonko's invisible ink quills.

Then there was the year he spent as defense against the dark arts teacher. In her opinion he was by far the best person in the position in years, decades even though she might be biased. That year she had not only helped him after the full moon , an easier prospect with the invention of wolfsbane potion, but they had built a real friendship. They had tea in her office every week and frequently chatted at the staff table. She had hoped that after the war, if the whole Voldemort cursing the position business was true,he might return for a permanent position on the Hogwarts staff. Now that would never happen.

She took a moment to run her thumb along the scars on his face one last time before moving on with her solemn duty.

#harry potter #fred weasley #battle of hogwarts #george weasley #collin creevy #remus lupin #tonks #dora tonks #madam pomfrey #poppy pomfrey #fred's death #remus's death #professor lupin #second wizarding war

[racheljchen]

story vomit

-hong kong runaway idea reality in mental hospital? mr robot perfect blue -blue hour love "i wanna be scary" heart break shaves eyebrows red lipstick black panther for asians space? dreamjng of home story about learning to let go and putting yourself first story about choosing happiness, prolonged misery JYN AND CASSIAN IMMORTALS her fingers ruffled through soft locks of his hair, and her heart swelled. it was too little and too much all at once, after all the years apart, how could she have ever doubted wanting to be by his side again? Now that he was in her arms the certainty seemed to settle into an unshakable truth, that she and he were meant to return to each other, circling each other, standing by the other's side no matter the circumstances of the rest of the foolish world. the girl from before, who only knew of solitude, of running, looking over shoulder at every turned would have thought this new certainty unthinkable. it might have terrified her or disgusted her, but the Jyn of now was a different woman. his eyes caught her transfixed gaze and crinkled with a smile she knew better than her own. no words needed to break the cozy silence for the understanding to pass between them. there was nothing she wanted more than to crush his body to hers, to hold him gently and never let go again but the feeling overwhelmed her and she could only continue to cradle his head in her lap, stroking a finger down the jawline she loved. mine. mine. her heart said, touching a body that was not her own, this skin which would pierce me to be bruised, these bones which would shatter her to be broken. hours later, after many hushed words had passed between them, describing in few short words the many hard years that had passed for each of them, as the sky began to flush lilac with the rising  sun, they broke apart with much hesitance. after several failed attempts on cassian's part to urge her to the fresher for a much needed shower, she finally relented breaking the connecting touch betwen them. jyn couldnt contain the tiniest childish pout. how could she miss holding him within seconds of relinquishing the contact? annoyed at feeling like a childish teenager but still petulant to let go. "go!" urged cassian, his eyes crinkling with a grin, and then, of course how she resist grabbing his smiling face again and kissing those grinning lips. cassians arms could not help but to circle around her waist but of course he was the one with the greater self restraint and he withdrew them after a few moments, pushing her gently towards the fresher door. under the hot satisfying spray Jyn allower herself the luxury of a quick moment to just enjoy the comforts of a life not based on the next meal, next job, and the overhanging urgency of survival, before she got to work scrubbing off the unholy layers of grime on her body. as she lathered suds into her hair, the fresher door clicked open with a soft hiss, and she peered through the fogged shower door at cassian, who of course smiled at her again, and she marveled at the ease of his surrending unlimited smiles for her when he was a man of few smiles for the rest of the universe. and with that her traitorous heart was off again, squeezing with the overwhelming painful joy of having him by her side again. cassian rinsed his toothbrush, finished with brushing his teeth. with a mischievous grin he peeled of his under shirt and dropped his trousers to the floor. steam poured out of the fresher as he slipped in beside her, putting his rough hands on the soft slick skin of her waist. jyn hooked her arms around his neck and tiptoed up to kiss him, soft sweet and slow, and they stood under the spray, feeling each other up like teenagers until suddenly Jyn shrieked. "Ah! Sorry, sorry, the boiler tank is small, I've been wanting to install a bigger one-" Jyn laughed despite the freezing spray erasing her comfortable warmth by the second. "get out you horn dog i still have to rinse out my hair" one of them gets executed but comes back to life cassian? comes back to find jyn and their child // cassian as a fire breathing bar tender modern au where they're divorced drug cartel AU krennic and galen in the cia/dea jyn smuggles or deals arms or something cassian is an undercover DEA agent cassian riding a horse, wearing a cowboy hat, smoking patron notices cassian is into jyn and 'gives' her to him "you're a lucky guy" thats just a nice way to say i want to fuck your girl jyn if you do this i can't protect you ive known these guys my whole life and you think you can get into this game for a couple months and i need you to protect me from them i dont mean from them cassian joserra jerome antonio anglés andrez after they settle down: oh where did you guys meet jyn: tinder // divorced soulmates when they meet jyn can tell its something special. she's been around the block enough to know that this one wasn't for messing around, that they meant too much to each other. cassian tamed her and she brought him to life and his friends were all supportive of course, relieved he had found some joy at last, that he finally had a reason to leave the office without putting in overtime more days of the week than not, a reason for brief smiles to stsrt escaping his serious outward demeanor. all they saw was cassian hiding a smile in a tumblr of mezcal st the bar with them, watching jyn dance with han and kes, twirling around them with smooth confidence as they tried not to trip on their own feet. how could it be anything but good? jyn knows cassian would never hurt her on purpose so she lets herself fall too easily, then slowly her life revolved around him. he occupied her throughts, her space, and she became nothing more than a part of cassian, his wife, as honoured and respectable as the role was she became suffocated with being introduced as his wife, people telling her what a great man her husband was, and she became defined by him, strangers assuming insight of her. when she leaves she finds herself all alone, realising all the friends she had were gifted to her by cassian, and the thought infuriates her. not at cassian, never at cassian, but at her past self for allowing this to happen, blind to painfully learned lessons to always have an escape route in sight, to rely on herself first and foremost. when she leaves, the pain is unbearable. she cries and she cries herself to sleep, and when she wakes up she's temporarily soothed her mind betraying her with the false sense that all the pain was just a bad dream and she would roll over and see cassian there, soft and warm and comforting and ready to hold her close and kiss the nightmare away. but the realisation came quick and she would be sobbing again. in the end it was only her stubborn pride that saved her the indignity of crawling back to him on her knees begging. or maybe it was the stone pit on her stomach that said you did this. you hurt him like this, and for what? how can you deserve to try and salvage what was perfectly good before you picked it up and smashed it on the ground just to see how the splinters would fall? when the fog of misery starts to fade though, she is relieved. even as she sits in her crappy, hole in the wall apartment, eating left over pizza for a undignified amount of times in a month, she is so relieved to be free. even if the AC keeps crapping out and she's sweating in February and bodhi has been the only other person to visit her apartment she is so relieved. her thoughts were her own again and she was so happy she could cry "jyn you will always be my family. you know that right?" she doesn't deserve it cassian walking barefoot in the shore wash at blue hour this pain wasn't unbearable but it was a unique brand of torturous. knowing exactly what she wanted was right in front of her, seeing it, touching it in soft polite embraces that lingered just on the dangerous end of perfunctory hellos and goodbyes. she's already had a taste of exactly everything she wants (not needs, not anymore, and that made the pain tolerable but a new unique brand of torturous), and she couldn't have it. she threw it all away. no regrets could be had, she would have never made it here without giving it up, but it certainly didnt help when they sat on the opposite ends of the friends spanning a bar counter and her attention still strayed from whatever kes was talking about to start at his lips, soft  from worrying at the glass tumbler in his hand, hearing the memory of the laugh she only watched escape from him in real life as it was lost in the din of the bar. "i forgave you for literally tearing my heart apart the first time, but as much of a masochist as i am, I can't give you permission to do it again. so what is it jyn?" "come on jyn. it doesn't take an idiot to see how much we still care about each other" their scars are the only soft and tender part on them, new and innocent skin next to hard won calluses cassian's ex wife meet first time when cassian gets backup for his mission huge sexual tension competence porn celebrating successful mission, cassian shoots his shot she reveals she used to be in intelligence "understand this captain andor. i have a lot of respect for what you do. it's horrid work but it needs to be done. matter of fact i started in intelligence. but the one thing i know, is the kind of person that can stand that line of work, the kind of person i was back then, thats not the kind of people i want to break bread with" she pulls rank on him despite him being older and more experienced. "in my branch you get promoted fast because you die fast" cassian was being pessimistic/realist sbout expected bad outcome but young recruit is horrified more massive sexual tension at a bar or something, she goes outside to make out with some rando guy, cassian follows her and chases him off and kisses her. not nice and tender, hatefuck in an alleyway but it's so hot doesn't see each other again fuck in a tent, fuck in the showers start to bond, see each other's honour and kindess. after a bad mission she's doubting herself, unable to sleep, cassian takes her to a secret vantage point. "sometimes i think i'm a dispicable person" "not to me" he kisses her "what, really here?" where they're in constant threat of being walked in on "no." they just make out and its tender snd loving and it scares her off and she avoids him for a while cassian gets captured and held in solitary confinement for months, mentally tortured, starved. tries to escape, gets punished. gets fucked up in the head. draven and elkie are the only one pushing to find him and break him out.  after cassian is found and returns to base he's a shell of himself, spooked, makes intense eye contact with elkie as he passes her but no aknowledgement of their signifigance to each other. after medical checks he's left alone and starts to panic, but before he freaks out fully, she comes into his room with shaving kit and a peach. she cuts a few slices for him to enjoy because hes not really allowed fruit, talks to him and shaves him as he heals she arranges for him to be put in a room with a chatty old soldier who keeps telling him old war stories, and visits him whenever she back on base. after a particularly bad mission. she crawls into his hospital bed in the middle of the night. after he's discharged, she sleeps with him whenever she can, calming him down after nightmares. one night he knows she's sleep deprived and needing to wake up early for important things the next day and tells her to stop sacrificing her sleep to help him. she's quiet before she asks if he is making her leave. he says no, so she just snuggles up to him. he realizes she prefers being woken up all night to sleeping without him. one say when cassian's feeling like he cant stand being amongst the people on the base in the mess hall, she brings him back to the vantage point to have lunch. they fuck but it's making love. something in between she gets captured and tortured. breaks leg. cassian rescues her. cassian cares for her in the immediate aftermath, she wakes up to him asleep in the hospital chair after he comes back from his own mission back on base, superiors want to send her off base to recuperate and get better PT, she really doesn't want to go, she knows she might never make it back and lose her nerve and her mind. their sleeping in cassian's bed and she admits this. he says there's desk work she can do on base. "married officers get first choice of postings" she's stunned by the insinuation "i need to know you arent whoring yourself out out of some misplaced need to take care of me. just because you slept with me a couple times doesn't mean i'm your responsibility." "i need to know you aren't... offering... out of convenience. just a loophole to help me out" "i'm not. i can't live without you anymore" they get married, she takes his name. captain andor and captain andor she drops off the grid for an extended period of time, she sees him in a crowd and he thinks she's a hostile, tries to take her down but she takes off her mask and goggles she dies in his arms CASSIAN'S LITTLE SISTER/DAUGHTER cassian's 16 she's 8, he saves her and has to babysit her for a while around rogue one she's 18 starting to do field work as an agent cassian as fulcrum is not nice or friendly but mentors her and takes care of her she just starts acting like a friend even though she has no reason to treat him like one bonds with jyn they go to each other when they're concerned about cassian, jyn tells her about a miscarriage, she tells jyn about PTSD she doesn't want to admit to cassian later as peace becomes more viable and cassian less cold and jaded, he starts to act like her family and at first it scares her off a bit she's hostile, says you don't have any right treating me like a child considering how you treated me in the past CASSIAN JYN F1 bodhi jyn both trained by legendary race strategist galen erso (betrays imperial team and orson krennic?) bodhi was trained to to compete and be great, jyn was thrown in and not expected by others to be a real competitor jyn joins f1 with saw gerrera's partisans, low midfield team, strapped for cash bodhi drives with his brain jyn drives with her gut bodhi tells her she can be truly great when she masters melding the thinking and control with her raw talent jyn podiums once and is over the moon but cassian isnt happy for her and she doesnt understand cassian says she doesnt understand racing yet, put herself on the line for revenge, had no way of knowing she was gonna survive her dirty trick and she only won when almost half the field retired calls her hotheaded and not ready cassian was an excellent ruthless driver, would drive dirty to make the win very good (champion?) gets into bad crash (jyn saves him?) and retires, join rebellion as race strategist cassian suggests jyn as new driver leia backs him up jyn helps cassian with his PT and tells him he doesn't have to put on a mask for her and he allows himself to show that he's in pain jyn falls asleep in cassian's hotel room and when he tucks her in she grabs him and they fall asleep together at a party after a good win jyn's tipsy and grabs cassian and starts singing and dancing in his face and cassian is laughing and loving every moment jyn's championship title comes down to the last race she gets a rough bump that physically takes a toll on her she has a good lead but she blows a tire and limps home (krennic gets on the radio somehow to try and break her confidence?) cassian: "do your best, bring her home. i'm right here jyn, I'm with you to the end. I'm not going anywhere" jyn wins a championship and retires she's proved herself after no one thought she would, defeated vader for a season she knows she doesn't have a strong chance of doing it again and wants to make room for luke and han so they don't join imperial F1 STORY young hotshot female driver gets put into falling from glory ferrari with him he used to be eyed as the next great talent but in a shit car he doesn't have any accomplishments to show and is starting to lose the hype and his drive to win she idolizes him, after a race where she does very well for a rookie and he delivers good but not great results, she goes into his driver's room and congratulates him on a good drive out of a need to assert control he fucks her he's trying to massage his own shoulder, she says here let me help, get close, talking, he turns to catch her eye and realises how close they are and kisses her fucks her on the desk, hot and dirty after their lustful scramble he comes back yo his senses and is a bit ashamed of what he's done kisses her on the forehead and leaves, saying see you tomorrow they keep hooking up throughout her rookie season, and spending time together in the public eye, her sweet genuine humorous personality tempers his steely cold and focussed persona and media and fans eat it up, everyone loves them as old gruff dude and young hotshot jokester duo two seasons like that as they grow closer there's a picture of him as a f1 rookie giving 14yo her a trophy forehead kisses become a meme she tells him what he already knows, he needs to jump ship from the team he loves in order to win he signs with a top three team as she continues to get more experience at their old team throughout the season they continue hooking up and hanging out in winter break they spend a lot of time with each other, to the point it seems like they're dating but theyve never discussed it he wins a world championship, realises the only person he wants to celebrate with is her she gets signed to a title contender team next time they hook up he's being a tender and says something commitment related she freezes up "what did you think this is" "yeah of course anyone would jump at the chance to fuck their idols, that doesn't mean their idols would be a good person to settle down with" "did u think i would fall in love with you just because i look up to you? im not some groupie. as if you weren't just taking advantage of me the first time, cheating on your girlfriend. im smart enough to know I'm not special, if you did it to her you certainly have it in you to do it to me" "i think we should stop doing this" breakup, theyre both heartbroken he feels betrayed, thinking the girl he's in love with just used him she doesn't want to admit she really did fall for him he gets signed to the same team as her the whole world is super excited to see their chemistry again but they're super cold, barely together, barely acknowledge each other press conference she blows off the question of whether she's excited to be teammates again he gets into tabloids rumored to be dating hot celebs they have a bad rivalry on the track fighting for positions gets double retirement and other bad things eventually he realises she only pushed him away out of self preservation and she mist have loved him to have done so much and cared for him the way she did he apologizes and asks her to give them a chance she's shocked but she agrees, but she says they shouldnt be together until the season is over cue sexual tension she misses him too much and he comes into her hotel room to get a fright shes in his bed and they cuddle she wins the championship after 5 years of being together and racing, he retires proposes to her, to the shock of the world

[meggankathrynn-blog1]

Day 1: My room turned into a ocean. I swear I found fishes and sharks swarming into my lungs. Or maybe that was the remains of you trying not to escape but desperately needing to

Day 2: You weren’t at school today and I should’ve been happy, I was more sad

Day 3: I thought I was ready to move on, then I saw you with her.

Day 4: We haven’t spoken in days now. My mind thinks its being shoved off a cliff.

Day 5: I wish it would just hit the bottom

Day 6: This will be the first weekend we dont hang out. I know you’ll be seeing her and I know youll be smiling without me. I’m trying hard to learn how to too

Day 7: I asked you for help on a history assignment and you replied with “Ask someone else im busy”

Day 8: You posted a video with her on the only social media site you have. When I saw it I erupted. I spewed lava every where, oh god its every where

Day 9: My mum made me sleep next to her. she was afraid I would try and do something like I did 1 year ago when another guy tore up my heart. I actually had thought about it

Day 10: I slept in your sweatshirt one last time so i can feel myself engulfed in you. I know you wanted them back so I had to feel you and smell you one last time.

Day 11: I gave you all of your stuff back and you thought I looked like a warrior but really I went home and tried getting you out of my bloodstream

Day 12: when will my eyes stop flowing?

Day 13: I snuck out with a guy and smoked weed on his couch. He talked about love and how much it hurt. I only pictured you.

Day 14: I woke up next to that same boy and I woke up screaming. The boy was worried and confused but I knew why I screamed. I ran out of his house so fast you’d think Id be better at running from you.

Day 15: Its break and im with my best friend and your with her and i swear i can feel you tracing her spine the way you used to trace mine

Day 16: You said to leave you alone so I ignored you and it felt worse than the puking i did that night

Day 17: Im treading icy water while you’re swimming away from me, I guess I just hope you’ll loop around and find your way back to the shattered, but still there, us

Day 18: I don’t remember the sound of your voice I don’t remember the color of your eyes I don’t remember your the taste of your lips.

Day19: No amount of screaming gets your name out of my head

Day 20: I got on a plane today and when we took off I swear i almost walked to the door and started flying

Day 21: They say it takes 21 days fo break a habit but I think I just manage to fall more in love with a greedy monster

Day 22: I saw you today and had to pretend like I was okay and happy for you. Maybe eventually.

Day 23: Its still a new year and I'm starting to be more myself. i think im beginning to be over you

Day 24: Just kidding

Day 25: i think i understand now. when you first told me you loved me your mouth curled up on the edges, two days before you left when i gave my bare self to you your mouth was a straight line when saying i love you

Day 26: if you’re trying to kill me its working

Day 27: i woke up this morning to my blankets and pillows piled in a corner in my room. its something s ghost would do to make his presence known. im haunting myself. or maybe its the ghost of us tsking over my body

Day 28: its almost been 2 months since you told me it was never me. i almost texted you but i saw those old text messages and just got angry

Day 29: I hate that you act like you didnt break my heart. i hate that you think im fine that im not writing a shit poem sbout your shit personality

Day 30: thirty days since you’ve wanted me. thirty days since i told you i love you. thirty days since you’ve slipped from my fingers. i tried catching you. you’ve been gone far too long. thirty days is too long

Day 31: i had a nightmare last night about you. you told me you loved me and kissed my forehead. i woke up breathing heavily and shaking. i want you out of my life

Day 32: running on no sleep isn’t fun

Day 33: ive been awake for over 50 hours in fear that ill see you in my dreams again. i cant risk that. it hurts so much. get out of my head

Day 34: my mother told me that love will do this. that its cruel and torturous and breaks you into such little pieces not even yourself can pick up all the pieces. you know where they all are, please come back and pick them up

Day 35: i talked to another guy last night we stayed up late and he asked me questions about you. we were sober so it wasn’t easy spitting up vowels and similies and euphemisms explaining the empty feeling in my chest after you left

Day 36: fuck if i stopped seeing you everyday i swear id be over you.

Day 37: my body is still pulled towards yours like it always has been.

Day 38: you told me that you didn't like a lot of things about me. thats not what you said when we were trying not to get caught in the back of your car

Day 39: you told me you’d take me to prom and everyone is preparing. itll just be another day you promised to spend with me. its funny how our plans turned to dust in a matter of seconds after cleaning

Day 40: the thunderstorm of us was inside of you and maybe that why it felt so close. i keep counting the seconds between the boom and light hoping you arent moving away buy i fear that you are already letting others feel your storm. the plants you grew are dying. maybe you should come back to water them

Day 41: ten days since its been a month since you left. i cried at prom because all i could look for in the crowd was you.

Day 42: i got so drunk all i could see was your face. the guy i fucked kept telling me his name wasn’t yours. i just screamed and cried because you’re all i still think about despite your efforts to continue to push me away

Day 43: i should be getting high today but if i do ill just write more and think more about a guy who will never care

Day 44: i think im trying to gain feelings for someone else because it’ll make moving on from you easier. im afraid to write that it hasnt

Day 45: you traces my leg like you used to. it was like dandelion tea. it made my insides fill with happiness. you’re my yellow paint.

Day 46: Van Gogh used to eat yellow paint because he thought it would put happiness inside him. He would consume it everyday in the hopes that it would bring his sadness to rest despite the fact that it could kill him first. i gues you were my yellow paint emphasis on the were. see im not going to write about you anymore, because when i write you down im under the impression that you’ll stay with the words but you don’t. this is the last sentence I’ll ever write about you

[mentalrubikzcube-blog]

Confront Yourself Ch. 2

Chapter 2 We arrived at the hospital and I was rushed inside. I only caught a few images of what was going on because my eyes were still very strained and sore. My head was also still trying to work up the strength to make sense of all of this. Daya stayec at my side. She was alwats there for me. I even saw Spitz there. Daya threw him out. Apparently there was a bit more to the story. Daya woukd later on confide in me that Spitz originally was gonna bring me to the hospital in his car and as he was "helping" me in he got rather "handsy". Daya had been looking for me and checked if I was smoking, which was the go to spot if I'm not waitressing. She saw Spitz and called the police and 911. I was completely unconcious the whole time and dont remember the assault or the fainting. It had to be from lack of sleep. Once the nicotine hit my sytem combined with Spitz's rage, I guess it was too much and I collapsed. I cant belive, well actually I can, but still. How could you take advantage of your employmee? Who am I kidding, its Connor Spitzman were talking about. Scoundrel extrordinare. After sometime in the ICU, I was aloud to go home and told to get rest and take a week off work. Daya stressed to the nurse that she would make sure I made a full recovery. She definitely would hold hold up her end of the bargin. She took me home and tucked me into bed. Very little was said. We both knew that I needed to just rest. What was there to talk sbout anyway, it had been a traumatic day for us both. She needed rest just like I did. When I suggested she stay the night she about cried. Daya was one of the few who knew that extending an invitation like that wasnt common for me. She thanked me and got the couch ready for her to sleep later. After a wonderful dinner of chicken cordon bleu and golden potatoes we both headed to bed. I fell back into my deep space sleep. It felt good to let go and finally recharge. As I lay there, I Kofeel tears roll down my cheeks. Why am I crying?  I thought to myself. I wiped them away and fell again into my comatose sleep. Numb. Black. Perfect. Serene. Gone too quick. Before I knew it Daya had brought me breakfast in bed. Waffles, eeggs, bacon, mixed berries, orange juice, even a side of cinnamon butter, and finally a little vase with wildflowers. The works. "Wow, thanks D." I was so grateful to gave someone who cared about me so much. She smiled and headed out of the room. Returning with my Firefly mug filled with rich Columbine coffee. "Three packs of sugar and just enough cream to coat your throught so you can drink more, right?" Daya chuckled I smiled. She knew me so well. Now before you getbthe wrong idea. No, she is not my girlfriend. She is however my best friend and I would literally die without her. She keeps me grounded and I do my best to do the same for her. After breakfast, coffee, and a morning smoke I wanna get out and go for a walk. If I'm gonna be on sick leave then I atleast wanna get some fresh air and get outside. That's the best way to feel better if youre system is upset. I tried to go for walks whenever I need to clear my head or just feel better in general. As I was getting ready Daya was in my ear telling me about how what if I fainted again and that I needed to be careful, I assured her I would be and she finally relented and let me go on my walk. I walked up the street and around a few corners. I passed pretty neighborhoods and not so pretty ones. I finally came upon a small strip mall. I wondered along the siewalk gazing st the colorful and vast stores that were included by one another. Matress store. Carribean dining. Hat repair place. Subway. I kept walking and then I saw a shop worth looking into, it was called Miss Lovely Lovely's Curio Cabinet. From the outside it looked like a vintage bookstore. I opened the door and it triggered a little bell. A lady emerged from a chair and greeted me warming then the sun after a long frost, "Hello traveler, may I offer you some Egyptian cinnamon tea?" She was a very sweet old lady. She had long almost transparent white hair and her eyes were an emerald green. Very shiny and flawless. "No thank you." I repiled. I looked around the shop in amazement. There were so many things. Clothes, books, toys, trinkets galore, and so much more. "Look around dear and let me know if you need anything." She said sitting back down. I did just that. This place was fasicinating. Vintage and modern stuff mingled together. It was beautiful and kept blinking thinking it was a dream. How have I not been here before? I ask myself. After looking at the jewlery and clothes, I gravitate to the books. After looking throught many titles I was compelled to ask her if she had a book that could help me sleep. That space sleep was temporary and I know it. "Ma'am, do have anything about insomnia?" She smiledcat my request. She disappered to the back and reappeared with a small brown leather bound book without a name. "I was hoping you would have come sooner, Reylnn Yorfath." Shd said my name, How did she know my name? I pondered in horror "Wwww-ho arrrrre you?" I stuttered "Miss Lovely Lovely of course." She chuckled "I go by many names, but that isnt important, you need this book to fix what you have broken." I didnt know what to do, so I accepted the book with no name and looked it over. It was rather tiny snd the pages were stained from the years. It also had a vintage air about it. Flipping through I saw that many of the paragraphs had multiple sentences underlined. It was very intriguing. I still didnt understsnd how she knew my name, but I wanted that book. "Hhhhh-ow much?" I asked, sounding like an idiot "No dear, this is a gift, before you can be at peace you must confront yourself." She said lovingly "Thank you." I said quietly tucking the book into my purse, I slowly made my way out of the store still amazed and looking around. Once outside I immediately light a cigarette. What just happened? I asked myself I began to make my way back to the house before Daya got worried. When I got to the front door, I looked in the window and saw Daya was sitting on the couch reading a book. I love the way her hair shimmers in the sun. To be honest I might have a slight crush on Daya, but I would never tell her. It woukd ruin our friendship. Anyway, I make my way inside and greeted her. She immediately started into how far I walkdd and if I took breaks as to not get too tired and pass out again. "Yes, Mom, I made sure to be careful." I teased her, she got a little frustrated but eventually laughed it off. I set my things down and told her about the little shop. She had never hesrd of it before. Weirdly, she checked the internet for it but there was nothing as if it didnt even exsist. Then Daya became a litte worried and asked me, "Are you sure you went there? Maybe your head is messing with you. I told you, you needed more rest." Daya huffed and looked at me concerned. I had left out the part about the book thinking she would freak out, I was even happier now I hadnt. I knew what I saw. It was real. Everything happened just like that. But then I began to question. Had I really gone there? Theres nominternet listing and my mind has been being weird lately. I swore it really happened thought. It seemed so real. Thoughts swirled around my head and I knew I had to see if I had the book. But I didnt want Daya to see and ask me about it. She woukd think I was crazy. I said rather shyly, "Well, I'm gonna go get some rest then. I guess my head is just still messed up. Anyway thanks Daya." Then I slipped away to my room with my purse. Once insixe inside I closed the door and locked it. I put the purse on the bed and stuck my hand inside. I felt my wallet, perfume, sunglasses, smokes, lighter, and other odds and ends. Where was the book? Had I really imagined all of that? I began to think to myself. Suddenly I panicked and thought once more, Am I going crazy? Did I hit my head harder then I thought? Is this insomnia eating away at my memory and thought patterns? I started to shake a bit, but I looked once more in my purse. Wallet, keys, sunglasses, BOOK! It was there. How had I skipped it the first time? Or was my mind just playing tricks on me again? I didnt know. All I knew was that I had the book and now I could finally cure my insomnia. I sat on the bed and began to read. I was shocked by how accurate and headon this stuff was. Before I knew it Daya was knocking on my door for dinner. I stashed the book under my pillow. Because for whatever reason I didnt wanna spark her curiosity. I wanted this treasure all to myself. I unlocked the door and met Daya in the living room. Waiting for me was shrimp and rigatoni. It smelled amazing. I couldnt wait to dive in. Daya gave me the pills the doctor perscribed and we ate. After a great meal and equally great converstaion we both agreed it was time for bed. "You need anything?" Daya asked as I was brushing my teeth. I shook my head. We echanged goodnights and she shut of the lights. I slid into my room, anxious to see what else the book said. Already it had me addicted. I was somewhat experiencing withdrawl when at dinner. Which I thin was more guilt then anything. I wanted to tell Daya, I really did, but I knew she wouldnt understand. So I would keep it to myself until I knew for sure it cured me of this insanity which I was desperately on the brink of. I read to myself, "Life is defined as the state or quality that distinguishes living beings from dead ones and from inorganic matter, characterized chiefly by metabolism, growth, and the ability to reproduce and respond to stimuli. The period between birth and death. But to Live means something else entirely. Live is defined as to remain alive, be alive, to exsist in a specified way. We all are given Life, but seldom do any of us Live. We need to live. Be alive and go out and enjoy the world. Get out of our comfort zones. Aid our fellow man and conquer the earth the way The Creator intended. For out Creator is Life and we only Live through Him. For the wages of sin are death, but the Gift of our Creator is Eternal Life through His Son. All you must do is believe." I shut the book and rolled my eyes, "Great, a religious book, but still how did she know I was gonna come in there, I mean Im sure she gives everyone the same book but how did she know my name?" I wondered to myself, I didnt know how to explain all of it, so I decided to try an sleep. I place the book on my nightstand, roll over, and pull the blanket up. Maybe I'd give the book another chance tomorrow, even for being a religious book it wasnt bad. I fade into a deep sleep and I'm standing in a meadow. The breeze is light and airy. I gaze around at the cloud filled blue sky and the crisp green grass benath me. Out of nowhere I hear a voice say, "Do not be afraid, whom I have chosen. For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour out My Spirit on your offspring, and My blessing on your descendants. They will spring upnlike grass in a meadow, like poplar trees by flowing streams. I am the First and the Last. Apart from Me there is nothing. All who make idolsare nothing, and the things they treasure are worthless. Those who would speak up for them are blind; they are ignorant, to their own shame. No one stops to think, 'Is not this thing in my hand a lie?' Such a person feeds on ashes, a deluded heart misleads him, he cannot save himself. I have made you,  you are My servant. I have swept away your offenses lime a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. Return to Me, for I have redeemed you. Sing for joy, you heavens, for the Creator has done this. Shout aloud, you earth beneath. Burst into song, you mountains, you forests and all you trees, for the Creator has redeemed you, He displays His Glory before you. Be gratious and humble becore your Creator!" While the voice spoke everything around me was changing constantly. Before I knew it I was no long err in the meadow but up in space looking at earth from above. Just floating along in space with no problems. Then suddenly I was in the mountains looking down on the majesticness of the world down below. Then suddenly I was deep in the woods and the wind wooshed about creating a harmonious rhythm through the branches and the leaves. I was amazed by everything I saw. Out of nowhere there was a flash of lightning and booming of thunder. I instinctively dropped down out of fright. I heard the same voice one more and it spoked louder now, "I am the Alpha and Omega, The beginning and the end, there is nothing without Me. Nothing! Bow before your Creator you miserable creation." I got down on my knees and bowed, and in the blink of an eye I was back in my apartment in my bed like nothin happened. What just happened? I thought to myself. I fell back asleep after much tossing and turning, no crazy dreams this time. Just a deep deep deep sleep.